Part 3
Buffy's POV
He's walking into my room now, I think my heart has stopped thundering away in my chest by the way he's eyeing the machines in my room. It doesn't matter that they are buzzing and beeping. I feet as dead as dead can be.
Angel slowly smiled at me which blew me away. I can see it from beneath my closed eyes. Thankfully, I can tell that he doesn't know I am awake which is unusual. Normally, Angel would be able to tell right away using his vampire powers. I remember one time, he knew I was awake in his arms but just laying there because I didn't want to leave. He tortured me with his sexy breathing as he tried to get me to admit I was awake when he went down on me. I can still recall exactly how his lips felt on me as he sucked me dry. I pretended to be sleeping the whole time, but I didn't fool him one bit.
I wish we could do that again, but he probably doesn't want to considering that he doesn't love me anymore and that I tried to kill his new girltoy. Back then, it felt like I meant everything to him, but in retrospect, I finally get that he just wanted a good lay. He couldn't get it from me so he moved on. I tried to hold onto the belief that I gave him a happy because I was his true love, but I know that's bullshit. It was because I am the slayer. Any vampire would get extremely excited to be a slayers first. Hell- Spike jumped at the chance to just get me into bed, and I had already been used goods for a while.
As I watch him, I don't know if he can't tell that I'm awake because we aren't as connected as we used to be or if it's his demeanor. He always looked extremely sexy when he was brooding.
I can see him weakly smiling as he stares at me. His gaze is unnerving. The beeps are coming faster now as he keeps his eyes on me.
For a moment, I know for sure that he is aware of my consciousness. Now I'm sure my heart is stopping, but he looks away! No, I thought he could tell! The curtain seems to gain his attentions once again. Slightly, through squinted eyes, I can't tell if the light is coming from the sun or the lamp. Why would it be the sun?
I still can't believe I'm still here. I guess I was pretty lame to slit my own throat in a hospital. I don't think straight when it comes to Angel. My knees got wobbly and that familiar fire in the belly comes back that only he can bring to my body. The faster he leaves, the faster I can finish the job. As soon as the hospital knows I'm awake, I'll have a guard posted at the door to watch me. I can feel it in my bones. What does Angel want with me now though?
It would be kind of cool if he'd jump me right here. That would feel nice. I can just imagine how forceful he'd be and how his anger at me would cause him to want to make me writhe in pain as he enjoyed himself ontop of me and inside of me. I think I'd get off on it too. I'm kinky huh? Mmmmm... just the thought of Angel naked gets me hot. Those beeps keep coming faster and faster.
His standing there is really starting to bug me. I hate indecision! Fuck me, kill me or get out, but choose already! Is he waiting for me to wake up so he can yell at me for trying to kill Cordelia? I hope he is. I hope he kills me too. I heard this story through the grapevine {Okay, Spike told me.} that Wesley did something to piss Angel off. Somehow he got his throat slit too and ended up in the hospital. Angel almost killed Wesley that night with a pillow. The similarities are unsettling at best.
I can't feel his hands on any of the pillows under my head so I assume he probably brought his own. I guess after you try killing people with cotton, you get attacked to a particular plush case. Angel was always overly attached to his swords. If I touched one of them he'd flip out on me, and go wash it. I swear that he popped one by cleaning those things more often than he did when I went down on him.
Yeah, so I didn't own a kimono. It doesn't mean we didn't go buy me one the next day. Now I think we both are overly acquainted with 'rubbing our noses in it'. That's about the only thing we could do without him going all evil on me. It'd be nice if he'd go all evil in me actually. I'm sorry, I'm not usually this dirty or this horny for a matter of fact. I guess I've been away from his gorgeous body for too long. Hmmm. Cordy is really lucky.
I can see his back facing me as he is looking at something. Maybe he is contemplating strangling me with that curtain cord. I might as well talk to him. What harm could it do?
I can feel my eyes opening and I'm adjusting to the light in the room. Angel's hands were on the curtain cord as he twirled it around his fingers. He looked good; his hands looked good. What I wouldn't give to have those hands on my right now, even if it is only a physical thing! I'll take what I can get!
It's been too long away, but I guess only Cordy gets such thoughts now huh? Subconsciously, I'm trying to fix my hair for him. I know I look like shit with this bandage on my neck. I feel like shit too.
That's when it hits me! The lamps aren't on! It is the sunlight that's illuminating my room and Angel is holding onto the curtain cord. Oh God? What is he doing? Is he going to kill himself?
Of course not. I'm being stupid. He's just waiting for me to wake up and keeping himself busy. That's what he's doing. Angel's too strong for a chicken shit thing to do like that. He isn't weak like me. Even though I kicked his ass to hell, he always dominated in bed.
I can feel my spider sense screaming at me. I don't know what it means though. My mind is still fuzzy from almost dying and from my lusty Angel-body-part-in-my-mouth thought.
"I'm sorry." I blurted out before I know it. But even his vampire hearing can't hear it because I couldn't talk. My vocal cords are totally gone. So what is a girl to do except enjoy the view of Angel's backside? I'd like to be riding his front side. I'm pretty sure that his soul would be safe with me now.
I want to get his attention. Maybe then he'll come to kill me, to finish me off. Angelus always liked his victims to know the pain they were about to go through. I look to the table next to my bed. Conveniently, there is a crayon and a pad of paper there. I guess they knew I wouldn't be able to speak when I woke.
I pick it up and start to write on it while Angel continues to stare at the window in his lala land. I don't know what the hell he is doing, but it's starting to scare me a little.
After I finish scribbling down a few words on the pad, I knock my hand on the wall drawing his attention. Looking as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he spun to face me. Is that guilt I see there? Taking a step towards my bed, cautiously, I flinch and he stops walking. It was instinct to react that way; I know it. His eyes keep burning holes in me head.
'How's Cordy? Is she dead yet?' reading my sign, he sighed. I can't tell what it means, but it was throaty and guttural like it always was when Angel gets serious. I remember the first time I learned that he could make such noises. He doesn't know that I remember this, but on that Halloween, we took a detour before hitting the kitchen. I don't know why 18th century Buffy did it, but I came onto him like he was the richest man in the world. And at the time, that was the only thing running through my mind. I was vain, so what. Angel looked so yummy even though he didn't have the musket. We felt each other up in the closet for a while and he made that noise. That's when me in my stupid big pouffy gown asked him if he'd consider being my suitor. I don't even think he felt guilty for copping a feel.
I remember how he stuck his hands all the way up my gown and I didn't even stop him! I was supposed to be this well-bred socialite, but I was letting me touch me in places that 20th century me didn't even allow him to yet. They were fun places, and I touched him too. I really like the way his dick feels up against a corset. I get the feeling that if I was born around the time Angel was human, I would have been one of those sexually repressed rich woman who cracks and ends up having mad sex with some random sexy guy. I would like to think that sexy guy would have been Angel and we would have lived happily ever after, him as a mortal. I know it's foolish now.
But back to reality, he could have been mad or angry or any other of the famous Angel feelings that get me into trouble. I don't regret writing that on the pad. I hope she does die. That scank doesn't deserve him. She's not even sort of special. Okay, so she ascended and became a goddess and whatnot, but I'm a slayer. So is Faith though. I know that Angel had fun pretending to be Angelus around Faith that one time. He told me it was fun to let loose sometimes and we played a lot of games where he pretended he was evil again. It was stupid, but hey like I said, I'm kinky. If I ever was face-to-face with Angelus again, I think I'd blush and I know he would take advantage of those memories to drive me insane. I hope he would reenact some of those memories too, but in stereo and including all the things Angel and I couldn't do because as much as we liked those Angelus games, we didn't want him coming back soon.
"Hi. You're up." His voice cracked and I could have fainted to hear him speak. He doesn't seem to pay attention to my words. It feels like he doesn't want to acknowledge the situation.
I'm shaking the sign at him again in emphasis. Looking away, he starts to speak in shame.
"Why?" I know he is looking at his hands. I can't see it, but I know it. He seems saddened by something. I guess he wants an explanation so when he tells Cordy the story of killing the slayer it will be more interesting. I'm sure she'll love to hear how he finally killed me and I stayed dead after 5 times of a close call. One being the master, one being Glory, one being my own slitting of the throat, one being Angelus trying to kill me and the last being when he sucked my veins dry.
I started to scribble down at the pad again, but he doesn't turn to look at it. I knock my hand against the wall and wait for him to turn and read it. Finally he does.
'Cuz she's a big whore. She deserves it.' I could have sworn I heard a sob escape his throat, but I must be imagining things. Wishful thinking, I guess. It kind of reminds me of the way we used to be...happy.
He keeps trying to gain his composure. I think he is at least. Maybe he's physcing himself up to grab my pillow?
"No! Why?" After a long pause, he gestured to my throat. He wants to know why I killed myself?
This time, he watches me write. His body is close to mine and I couldn't stand it because I can smell his mucky cologne. A long time ago, I used to love wrapping myself up in those shirts he had. They were so big, but so comfy.
I can feel the heat pouring off of him even though I know he's still a vampire. He always had that charming quality of making me warm and wet, but that's another thing.
I know I must be dead already now. This is the worst torture they could come up with. Having Angel next to me, acting like he cared as he used to is killing me all over again. I might as well prove it to myself that I'm here so I don't hold onto any false hope. 'Is this hell? Am I dead?'
This time I know he sobbed for sure. Taking the pad and crayon away from me, he threw it away. He's mad. I can see it, but it doesn't look like he's mad at me. It's self directed hate. I'm starting to like this place and I know a smile is creeping its way on my lips. He deserves pain. I guess I really must have killed his lover, but I could have sworn I left her alive.
Before I know what is happening, his arms are wrapped around me in a tight hug. The beeping on the machines sped up at least twice as fast. I think this means my heart is racing... Anyway, Angel has his arms around me, crushing him to him. I think he's trying to squeeze me so tight that he'll suffocate me.
It feels nice to be held even if he is trying to kill me. His body always did feel like home and I can't think of a better way to exit this earth, if that's where I am now.
"No. You're not dead. But this is hell." I don't know what he means by that. I guess when he's finished squeezing me, he'll show me what he is trying to say. I just hope he doesn't yell at me that much before he tortures me or whatever he has planned.
To be continued.
Buffy's POV
He's walking into my room now, I think my heart has stopped thundering away in my chest by the way he's eyeing the machines in my room. It doesn't matter that they are buzzing and beeping. I feet as dead as dead can be.
Angel slowly smiled at me which blew me away. I can see it from beneath my closed eyes. Thankfully, I can tell that he doesn't know I am awake which is unusual. Normally, Angel would be able to tell right away using his vampire powers. I remember one time, he knew I was awake in his arms but just laying there because I didn't want to leave. He tortured me with his sexy breathing as he tried to get me to admit I was awake when he went down on me. I can still recall exactly how his lips felt on me as he sucked me dry. I pretended to be sleeping the whole time, but I didn't fool him one bit.
I wish we could do that again, but he probably doesn't want to considering that he doesn't love me anymore and that I tried to kill his new girltoy. Back then, it felt like I meant everything to him, but in retrospect, I finally get that he just wanted a good lay. He couldn't get it from me so he moved on. I tried to hold onto the belief that I gave him a happy because I was his true love, but I know that's bullshit. It was because I am the slayer. Any vampire would get extremely excited to be a slayers first. Hell- Spike jumped at the chance to just get me into bed, and I had already been used goods for a while.
As I watch him, I don't know if he can't tell that I'm awake because we aren't as connected as we used to be or if it's his demeanor. He always looked extremely sexy when he was brooding.
I can see him weakly smiling as he stares at me. His gaze is unnerving. The beeps are coming faster now as he keeps his eyes on me.
For a moment, I know for sure that he is aware of my consciousness. Now I'm sure my heart is stopping, but he looks away! No, I thought he could tell! The curtain seems to gain his attentions once again. Slightly, through squinted eyes, I can't tell if the light is coming from the sun or the lamp. Why would it be the sun?
I still can't believe I'm still here. I guess I was pretty lame to slit my own throat in a hospital. I don't think straight when it comes to Angel. My knees got wobbly and that familiar fire in the belly comes back that only he can bring to my body. The faster he leaves, the faster I can finish the job. As soon as the hospital knows I'm awake, I'll have a guard posted at the door to watch me. I can feel it in my bones. What does Angel want with me now though?
It would be kind of cool if he'd jump me right here. That would feel nice. I can just imagine how forceful he'd be and how his anger at me would cause him to want to make me writhe in pain as he enjoyed himself ontop of me and inside of me. I think I'd get off on it too. I'm kinky huh? Mmmmm... just the thought of Angel naked gets me hot. Those beeps keep coming faster and faster.
His standing there is really starting to bug me. I hate indecision! Fuck me, kill me or get out, but choose already! Is he waiting for me to wake up so he can yell at me for trying to kill Cordelia? I hope he is. I hope he kills me too. I heard this story through the grapevine {Okay, Spike told me.} that Wesley did something to piss Angel off. Somehow he got his throat slit too and ended up in the hospital. Angel almost killed Wesley that night with a pillow. The similarities are unsettling at best.
I can't feel his hands on any of the pillows under my head so I assume he probably brought his own. I guess after you try killing people with cotton, you get attacked to a particular plush case. Angel was always overly attached to his swords. If I touched one of them he'd flip out on me, and go wash it. I swear that he popped one by cleaning those things more often than he did when I went down on him.
Yeah, so I didn't own a kimono. It doesn't mean we didn't go buy me one the next day. Now I think we both are overly acquainted with 'rubbing our noses in it'. That's about the only thing we could do without him going all evil on me. It'd be nice if he'd go all evil in me actually. I'm sorry, I'm not usually this dirty or this horny for a matter of fact. I guess I've been away from his gorgeous body for too long. Hmmm. Cordy is really lucky.
I can see his back facing me as he is looking at something. Maybe he is contemplating strangling me with that curtain cord. I might as well talk to him. What harm could it do?
I can feel my eyes opening and I'm adjusting to the light in the room. Angel's hands were on the curtain cord as he twirled it around his fingers. He looked good; his hands looked good. What I wouldn't give to have those hands on my right now, even if it is only a physical thing! I'll take what I can get!
It's been too long away, but I guess only Cordy gets such thoughts now huh? Subconsciously, I'm trying to fix my hair for him. I know I look like shit with this bandage on my neck. I feel like shit too.
That's when it hits me! The lamps aren't on! It is the sunlight that's illuminating my room and Angel is holding onto the curtain cord. Oh God? What is he doing? Is he going to kill himself?
Of course not. I'm being stupid. He's just waiting for me to wake up and keeping himself busy. That's what he's doing. Angel's too strong for a chicken shit thing to do like that. He isn't weak like me. Even though I kicked his ass to hell, he always dominated in bed.
I can feel my spider sense screaming at me. I don't know what it means though. My mind is still fuzzy from almost dying and from my lusty Angel-body-part-in-my-mouth thought.
"I'm sorry." I blurted out before I know it. But even his vampire hearing can't hear it because I couldn't talk. My vocal cords are totally gone. So what is a girl to do except enjoy the view of Angel's backside? I'd like to be riding his front side. I'm pretty sure that his soul would be safe with me now.
I want to get his attention. Maybe then he'll come to kill me, to finish me off. Angelus always liked his victims to know the pain they were about to go through. I look to the table next to my bed. Conveniently, there is a crayon and a pad of paper there. I guess they knew I wouldn't be able to speak when I woke.
I pick it up and start to write on it while Angel continues to stare at the window in his lala land. I don't know what the hell he is doing, but it's starting to scare me a little.
After I finish scribbling down a few words on the pad, I knock my hand on the wall drawing his attention. Looking as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he spun to face me. Is that guilt I see there? Taking a step towards my bed, cautiously, I flinch and he stops walking. It was instinct to react that way; I know it. His eyes keep burning holes in me head.
'How's Cordy? Is she dead yet?' reading my sign, he sighed. I can't tell what it means, but it was throaty and guttural like it always was when Angel gets serious. I remember the first time I learned that he could make such noises. He doesn't know that I remember this, but on that Halloween, we took a detour before hitting the kitchen. I don't know why 18th century Buffy did it, but I came onto him like he was the richest man in the world. And at the time, that was the only thing running through my mind. I was vain, so what. Angel looked so yummy even though he didn't have the musket. We felt each other up in the closet for a while and he made that noise. That's when me in my stupid big pouffy gown asked him if he'd consider being my suitor. I don't even think he felt guilty for copping a feel.
I remember how he stuck his hands all the way up my gown and I didn't even stop him! I was supposed to be this well-bred socialite, but I was letting me touch me in places that 20th century me didn't even allow him to yet. They were fun places, and I touched him too. I really like the way his dick feels up against a corset. I get the feeling that if I was born around the time Angel was human, I would have been one of those sexually repressed rich woman who cracks and ends up having mad sex with some random sexy guy. I would like to think that sexy guy would have been Angel and we would have lived happily ever after, him as a mortal. I know it's foolish now.
But back to reality, he could have been mad or angry or any other of the famous Angel feelings that get me into trouble. I don't regret writing that on the pad. I hope she does die. That scank doesn't deserve him. She's not even sort of special. Okay, so she ascended and became a goddess and whatnot, but I'm a slayer. So is Faith though. I know that Angel had fun pretending to be Angelus around Faith that one time. He told me it was fun to let loose sometimes and we played a lot of games where he pretended he was evil again. It was stupid, but hey like I said, I'm kinky. If I ever was face-to-face with Angelus again, I think I'd blush and I know he would take advantage of those memories to drive me insane. I hope he would reenact some of those memories too, but in stereo and including all the things Angel and I couldn't do because as much as we liked those Angelus games, we didn't want him coming back soon.
"Hi. You're up." His voice cracked and I could have fainted to hear him speak. He doesn't seem to pay attention to my words. It feels like he doesn't want to acknowledge the situation.
I'm shaking the sign at him again in emphasis. Looking away, he starts to speak in shame.
"Why?" I know he is looking at his hands. I can't see it, but I know it. He seems saddened by something. I guess he wants an explanation so when he tells Cordy the story of killing the slayer it will be more interesting. I'm sure she'll love to hear how he finally killed me and I stayed dead after 5 times of a close call. One being the master, one being Glory, one being my own slitting of the throat, one being Angelus trying to kill me and the last being when he sucked my veins dry.
I started to scribble down at the pad again, but he doesn't turn to look at it. I knock my hand against the wall and wait for him to turn and read it. Finally he does.
'Cuz she's a big whore. She deserves it.' I could have sworn I heard a sob escape his throat, but I must be imagining things. Wishful thinking, I guess. It kind of reminds me of the way we used to be...happy.
He keeps trying to gain his composure. I think he is at least. Maybe he's physcing himself up to grab my pillow?
"No! Why?" After a long pause, he gestured to my throat. He wants to know why I killed myself?
This time, he watches me write. His body is close to mine and I couldn't stand it because I can smell his mucky cologne. A long time ago, I used to love wrapping myself up in those shirts he had. They were so big, but so comfy.
I can feel the heat pouring off of him even though I know he's still a vampire. He always had that charming quality of making me warm and wet, but that's another thing.
I know I must be dead already now. This is the worst torture they could come up with. Having Angel next to me, acting like he cared as he used to is killing me all over again. I might as well prove it to myself that I'm here so I don't hold onto any false hope. 'Is this hell? Am I dead?'
This time I know he sobbed for sure. Taking the pad and crayon away from me, he threw it away. He's mad. I can see it, but it doesn't look like he's mad at me. It's self directed hate. I'm starting to like this place and I know a smile is creeping its way on my lips. He deserves pain. I guess I really must have killed his lover, but I could have sworn I left her alive.
Before I know what is happening, his arms are wrapped around me in a tight hug. The beeping on the machines sped up at least twice as fast. I think this means my heart is racing... Anyway, Angel has his arms around me, crushing him to him. I think he's trying to squeeze me so tight that he'll suffocate me.
It feels nice to be held even if he is trying to kill me. His body always did feel like home and I can't think of a better way to exit this earth, if that's where I am now.
"No. You're not dead. But this is hell." I don't know what he means by that. I guess when he's finished squeezing me, he'll show me what he is trying to say. I just hope he doesn't yell at me that much before he tortures me or whatever he has planned.
To be continued.