Zoro's Day
As my watch was coming to an end, I watched Usopp from the crow's nest as he walked around, procrastinating for as long as he possibly could before he had to come up and relieve me of my duties. What I also spotted was a small island off in the distance.
Since it was rightfully Usopp's watch anyway, I decided not to scream out to everyone that I saw land. Rather, I decided to let Usopp do that since he's just so good at it. You see, while some people have skills like Sanji's cooking, Nami's map making and my greatness at everything I do, Usopp is unusually good at screaming and being annoying. To each his own, right?
Finally, Usopp made the ascent to the crow's nest to take my place.
"It's about time." I said under my breath as I started climbing down. I doubt he heard me but I wasn't exactly going for that. I should have yelled at him or else he would probably do it again.
It was nighttime so it was reasonably dark outside. I wandered back to our cabin area where Sanji and our brilliant captain were both sleeping. The hammocks we sleep on certainly build a lot of character, I told myself as I hopped onto one of the empty ones.
No sooner had I lied down when I heard Usopp from outside doing what he does best; screaming. "LAND!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. Sanji and Luffy immediately sprung awake and ran outside to see the tiny sliver of land off in the distance as if we have never seen such a sight before. They didn't need me for anything, so I pretended to be sleeping which eventually caused me to fall asleep anyway.
I woke up a little while later and decided to walk out onto the deck while yawning flamboyantly. I figured that if I yawned loud enough then I could get attention but if that didn't work, I could just announce what a good sleep I had. I didn't have to do that, though, because Nami appeared to be angry at me.
"Where were you?!" she demanded. "We've been doing all this work while you've just been sleeping!!"
I nodded to pretend as though I was really listening.
"So what are you waiting for?!" she yelled. "Put the anchor down!!"
I looked over at our enormous anchor. "Why is this my job?" I wondered to myself as I easily lifted it and dropped it into the water. Just then, Sanji came dancing out of his little kitchen area with a platter filled with drinks in fancy glasses, still wearing his horrible pink apron. There was no way I was going to drink one of those extremely unmanly drinks that he had concocted. I mean, there was lace around them and everything. MAYBE I would have had one if they didn't have lace but they DID so I couldn't go near them or else my masculinity might be sacrificed and I can't have that.
"I made some special drinks!" he announced.
"Sanji!" said Nami. "Where were YOU while we were landing and doing all that work?!" I knew exactly what was coming…
"Nami-sa~~~n!" said Sanji as his eyes turned into big, unmanly pulsing hearts. "I made you a drink!"
"That doesn't answer my question!" Nami pointed out.
I decided to turn away at this point because I didn't need to see Sanji dance around like a piece of spaghetti. "The angry Nami-san is so charming!" he exclaimed.
I was far above this conversation so I figured I could go and lift some immensely heavy weights or something manly like that.
But that was when I crashed into Luffy. "Come on, Zoro!" he said. "Come to shore with me!"
"Not right now." I said.
"But I'm hungry!!" he whined. "I'm gonna go eat…now."
With that, he stretched his arm all the way to shore so I knew he was going to just catapult himself over there like a fool.
"Come on, Zoro, it'll be fun!" he said as he grabbed me with his other arm and then launched himself towards the island. I didn't have time to react at the time but I knew the moment we landed, I would kill him. And, as usual, we went a lot further into the island than he had originally planned so we soared overhead for…a while. All the time I was yelling at Luffy but he was laughing so loudly that he probably didn't even hear me.
When we finally landed, I was surprised that I was not mortally wounded.
"We should have grabbed everyone else!" said Luffy with a huge grin on his face as he patted his clothes off. "Should we go back and get them?"
"No, that's all right." I said, checking to make sure that all three of my swords were still there and intact. If they weren't, then I would have had Luffy's head but I let it slide for now since none of them were damaged.
"Where are we?" Luffy asked.
"If you hadn't had just launched us over here then we would…" I began but then I noticed Luffy looking up at something that was behind me. I turned around to see a gigantic woman that must have surpassed nine feet. She looked extremely primitive and was wearing a leopard skin loin-dress type thing. She didn't look to friendly so I figured that if we didn't say anything too offensive then she might not harm us…but I kept my hand on my sword just in case.
"WOW!" laughed Luffy as he pointed directly at her. "You're huge!!"
I knew this would force the large Amazon woman into hostility so I held off on my yelling at Luffy to turn around and attack her but she had already swung her giant club with spikes coming out of it at us.
I woke up a little while later…tied up. Luffy and I were both tied to a tree as a clan of huge women danced around a bonfire. Luffy was probably having the time of his life to the point in which I thought he would die of laughter so, despite how manly I felt at the time, I flexed my muscles and broke all the ropes and cleverly escaped, killing all those in my path with my mighty sword techniques.
Though…I never really got past the flexing part. Of course, I had PLANNED the ropes to all break but, upon looking down at them, I realized that they were quite the large ropes which were most likely used to tie up the large men of the village. So, no matter how much I attempted to break the ropes, no amount of muscle flexing was going to do the job. Plus, my swords had been taken from me so even if I HAD escaped, I wouldn't have been able to kill everyone with my mighty sword techniques.
"Luffy, cut that out!" I yelled at Luffy since he was annoying me ever so much.
"It's funny!" said Luffy. "But I think it would be funner to get involved!!"
And then, I felt the ropes all around me loosening up. It was strange… since I hadn't done anything to cause them to do so.
"Those ropes were uncomfortable!" said Luffy, standing up.
"You could have broken them the whole time and you didn't?!" I yelled at him.
"Ooh, food on the table!" said Luffy happily as he strutted off.
I knew the humungous women were going to see him and become insanely angry so I had to at least attempt to stop him. So I leapt up and grabbed him, trying to hold him back.
"ZORO!" he yelled. "LET ME GO!"
At the sound of his shrieks, the tribal dance stopped and all the large women turned around in a huff. "Men slaves escaping!" said the largest of all the large women. "Get them!"
They all waved their weapons above their heads and started towards us. I let go of Luffy and decided to save my own skin so I dashed off, keeping an eye out for any sign of my swords because, you know, if I had them right now then I certainly would not be running. Especially not from a bunch of large women.
It was then that I literally stumbled across my swords. I picked them up and before even checking to see if their condition was as good as I had left them, I unsheathed them and struck a pose. If the swords flashing light from sun didn't catch the attention of the women, then my overly loud grunting noises would do the trick well enough. I wasn't about to strike from behind because real swordsmen just don't do that.
Then I looked up to see that there was no one even there. I must admit that that got me slightly disappointed because I was all pumped to fight these large Amazon women but they hadn't chased after me.
There were only two possibilities why they hadn't pursued me. One, they feared my swordsmanship skills and my name was a lot more famous than even I imagined. Or two, they hadn't bothered to chase me because they were chasing my idiot captain.
No matter how much I wanted the first to be true, I quickly realized that it was actually the second. So I knew what I had to do. Go and back him up.
Or…he'd back ME up.
So I made my way back following the loud grunting noises of the large women to find them all chasing Luffy in circles since he was frolicking around while laughing heartily.
I eventually got him to focus and, working together, we eventually beat all the large women. Then, all those left conscious began to bow to us.
"Little men much stronger than our strongest warriors." Said one of the large women who I could only assume was the leader because she seemed to be the most important…and the largest.
"Naturally." I said. "Come on, Luffy. Let's get back to the ship."
"No!" said the leader. "You must help village. We make you leaders."
"Sounds like fun!" said Luffy, throwing his hands up in the air. "I'm gonna be the Pirate King!!"
All the large women gasped and only continued to bow. I knew that Luffy's IQ was probably lower than anyone in this entire village. "Luffy, you can stay here but I'm getting back to the ship."
"You must stay!" cried all the large women. "If you defeat strongest warrior, you must be leader!"
"Even if you man." Said the leader of the women. "And…all beautiful women fall for you."
She gestured over at a hoard of what looked like the most hideous women of the village. I mean…I wasn't even sure if they were all women. They all looked more like horrible ugly apes that hadn't bathed in weeks. Before I knew it, the village leader launched into an excruciatingly long story explaining something complicated and important but I chose not to listen because not only could she hardly speak properly, but…it was a story. And I hate stories.
"I get it now!" said Luffy suddenly. "We'll help you!!"
"What?" I said.
"They said that the Village of Men are going have a battle to the death with them and we have to help them win." Luffy answered. "The only question is…how are we going to do it?"
It LOOKED like he was thinking for a few minutes. But for all I knew, he was looking at a bird or something…and I got the feeling that he was. "I've got it!" he said suddenly. "We have to trick the men into believing that we're the Prince and Princess! I'll be the Prince, and you can be the Princess!"
"What?!" I yelled. "Not only would I never be a princess but why would we have to be a prince and a princess anyway?!"
"Because the Prince and Princess got stolen!" Luffy said in what sounded really close to a whine.
I guess if I had listened to the story, I would have understood better. But, I have no regrets so I didn't let it bother me. "Why would we bother having to trick them?" I said. "Why don't we just have the fight?"
Luffy looked at the Village Leader. "We'll go to the other village and talk to the men, all right?" he said. "We're men! They'll listen to us!"
"Thank you leaders." Said the women as they continued to bow.
Luffy walked off in some random direction and I followed him. I don't know why… but I figured my say in where we were going was really no better than his. I didn't know if we were actually going to talk to the Village of Men and I knew for CERTAIN that we weren't going to solve any problems. Not that I was refusing or anything, but we usually can't get anything done peacefully. It's just the way we are.
"Luffy, do you even know where you're going?" I called to him since the forest started to get thicker.
"Of course I do!" said Luffy. "To the Village of Men!"
At first, I was about to nod and ask myself why I had doubted him when I realized that this was Luffy. "And…do you know the way to this village?" I pressed.
"I know it's somewhere on this island." Said Luffy. "We'll find it sooner or later."
I didn't know how to express my frustration without seriously harming Luffy so I kept it bottled up inside of me until I could explode it all at once later. Maybe at a more important time…like during a battle since we so frequently encountered those.
We hadn't been walking for longer than a few minutes before Luffy suddenly just stopped. I hadn't realized he stopped at first and actually crashed into him because he had just STOPPED without warning.
"Why did you stop?" I asked.
"I'm bored…" he whined. "And hungry…"
It was at times like these that I questioned what I was doing there with Luffy, following him around. I especially wondered why I had agreed to be part of his crew since the very beginning. It was probably because I was foolhardy at the time and did not realize what I was getting myself into. But it also could have been a spur of the moment thing so it was just BAM and I was part of the crew and there was nothing I could do about it now since I always keep my promises.
Just as I began to wish for other company, (even if it was bad company) I heard footsteps behind us. I put my hand on one of my swords to get ready as the hurried steps drew closer. When they became uncomfortably close, I soon realized that it wasn't just coincidence that they were going in the exact same direction as us because, after all, we weren't currently going anywhere so clearly we were being followed. And usually when we're being followed, it's not a good thing and there's bound to be a battle on the way.
Not that I wasn't itching for a battle ANYWAY…
Upon turning around with my sword drawn, however, I was faced with Nami, Usopp and Sanji who all leapt back in fear of my power. I was disappointed that it wasn't someone who I could prove I was better than, but at least I wasn't going to be alone with Luffy anymore. There's only so much time I can stand with him.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" screamed Nami angrily.
"I was just making sure…" I began.
"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!!!" Nami interrupted.
I figured it was pointless to make any excuses so I only sighed and shook my head as she continued to rage.
"We're looking for the Village Leaders of the Village of Women." Said Usopp suddenly so I assumed there must have been conversation that I missed.
"Oh!" said Luffy. "That's us."
"YOU TWO are the village leaders?" said Nami in a tone of disbelief. "How? WHY?"
I didn't want people to remember me as the village leader of the Village of Women. "Uh, no, just Luffy, not me." I corrected.
"No, we both worked TOGETHER to beat the large women!" laughed Luffy.
"So you beat up the women and they made you their leaders?" Nami said.
I shrugged and nodded.
"Well, I guess that settles it then." Said Sanji randomly. "You two can just tell them not to rage war against the Village of Men."
"But the Village of Men is the one that's raging war against US!" said Luffy passionately.
"Don't say US!" I told him. "You're not REALLY part of their village!"
"I'm their leader!" Luffy said since he obviously has no idea what he's talking about.
"Whatever it is, just tell them not to go to war." Nami shrugged. "And that's another conflict solved."
"What about the prince and princess?" asked Usopp.
"We were just going to the Village of Men and DEMAND that they return the princess back home!" Luffy declared. I slowly inched away from Luffy so it didn't look like I was associated with him even though everybody knew very well that I, most unfortunately, was.
"But we just came from the Village of Men and they have the same problem." Nami said.
"What problem?" Luffy asked stupidly.
"THEY don't know where the Prince and Princess are either." Nami explained.
Then Luffy appeared to go into deep thought again and I was half expecting him to just announce that we would pretend to be the Prince and Princess again.
"With our luck, they'll probably be at the top of that mountain." Usopp whined, pointing at a gigantic mountain that stood in front of us that I… hadn't noticed before.
With our luck, I agreed to myself. I didn't agree out loud because I didn't want to agree with Usopp even though I DID…I just didn't need it to be public.
"I bet they are!" said Luffy as he stretched an arm toward the mountain. He began to sweep his arm towards us and, since I knew him all too well, I knew that if he began to stretch then he was going to grab onto the closest person to him and take that person with him. I didn't want to be that person this time, so I quickly dove to the ground but in the process knocked Sanji over who was just staring absentmindedly at the mountain.
I heard a few screams and then looked up to see that everyone was gone and now only the cook and I remained.
"Zoro, that was a little weird." Said Sanji.
"Yeah, I know." I said. "The Prince and Princess on the mountain? Where would he get a ridiculous idea like that?"
Then I realized that Sanji was looking incredibly uncomfortable and then I noted the fact that I was still lying on top of him. Then I began to feel a bit uncomfortable too as I got off of him.
"That was weird." Sanji repeated.
"You already said that." I said angrily.
Then followed the most awkward silence I have ever experienced in my entire life. It was even more awkward than the time I lost Mihawk and started crying. Luckily, no one remembered that. They just remembered my valiant efforts to defeat him and just how close the ending result was and the next time I faced him, I would certainly be the victor. Oh no, he won't be beating me with that tiny sword again. He won't even pull it out next time. I won't LET him pull that offensive tiny sword out next time. Next time. Next time, I would beat him.
"Hey, where's Nami-san?" said Sanji suddenly.
I found myself very disoriented after Sanji had interrupted my random trail of thought that I'm not quite sure how I got into in the first place. That's right, I started thinking about awkward moments and then thought of Mihawk and how I would defeat him. Then there was that disgraceful tiny sword that he felt he needed to use! When I defeat him, I will be the best swordsman in the world and I will be able to keep my promise to Kuina.
"Where's Nami-san?" Sanji repeated.
Why did he feel a need to repeat himself? I had heard him the first time. It's not like I was stupid or anything and needed to hear the same thing more than once for me to understand it. He just didn't understand because he didn't even come close to comparing to the greatest swordsman in the world who will someday be me. He had also never been tossed aside by a tiny sword. Oh how that tiny sword offends me. If I had it right here, right now, I would throw it as far as I could! And when I become the greatest swordsman in the world, I won't go walking around with a tiny sword no matter how pathetic my opponents are and how great I am!
"Where's EVERYONE for that matter?" Sanji said.
What is with this stupid cook and asking so many questions?! "What do you want from me?!" I demanded. "Shut up you stupid cook!"
"I missed everything when you assaulted me!" he said even though his argument held absolutely no ground. "Where did everyone go and why is it only you here!"
"Hey, I saved you from being catapulted into the sky by our captain." I said but that was the only answering I was going be doing around here. He had already gotten more answers than he deserved.
"Catapulted into the sky?!" he gasped. "Nami-san?!"
"Yeah, they went to the top of the mountain." I said, pointing to the mountain. I knew what I had to do. I had to go and find them since they were most likely getting themselves into all kinds of trouble. And since Nami and Usopp had only Luffy to protect them, I knew I had to make it quick. I began to make my way to what looked like a pathway up the mountain.
"Hey, where are you going?!" the cook yelled, running after me.
"Where does it look like I'm going?" I said.
"So we're just going to blindly make our way up the mountain?!" he said.
"We KNOW they're up there…" I said, glaring at him for doubting me.
"It's a big mountain!" he continued.
I wasn't even going to dignify that comment with a response. Of course it was a big mountain and I didn't need him telling me that. He's just lazy that's all. The more stalling we did thinking of some silly plan, the less time we had to search for the other three.
If I was stuck with ANYONE else, I would be all right. At one point, he even kicked me in the back of the head but I didn't respond well to attacks to I tried to make it look as though I didn't feel it and then when he did it again, that was just going WAY too far so I turned around to strike him to discover that he was standing a few yards behind me. So what did he do? Kick me and then run away fearing my wrath? Wimp.
"If you had LISTENED to me then—" he started but I knew he was going to say something stupid.
"Shut up," I told him as I went to turn around but came to discover that I couldn't move my legs. When I looked down, I came to the realization that I was currently in quicksand up to my knees.
"There you go." Said Sanji as he began pointing to a sign that ANYONE could have missed. "Look, there's only a sign right here! And I tried to point it out at you and when that didn't work, I tried kicking you but that didn't work either so I did it again but you just kept walking and walking!"
"I've been in worse situations than this." I said. It wasn't a lie, but just because I had been in worse situations didn't mean that I knew quite how I would be getting out of this one.
"I don't know if I want to help you." Sanji said, crossing his arms.
"I don't want your help." I said and that wasn't a lie either. Just because I didn't want his help, didn't mean that I didn't NEED his help. But I wasn't going to make that known until it was absolutely too late for me to possibly do anything to help my situation because I would like to avoid anything glorifying to the cook that wasn't concerning…cooking.
"How do you plan on getting out of it?" said Sanji as he hopped across a few stones as if he was just THE SMARTEST person on earth and was just too good for walking right through the quicksand like a real man.
"Simple." I said, trying to ignore the fact that the quicksand was almost up to my waist at that point. I tried to concentrate more on thinking of a 'simple' plan that would aid me in escaping before I had to ask the cook for help.
"I could help you." Sanji said.
"I don't need it." I replied.
"It would be faster and easier and less life threatening if you let me help you now." Sanji continued.
"If you've got nothing to do, why don't you go and cook something?" I said as I began looking at my surroundings that would help me escape. I couldn't really reach anything besides… quicksand or… the cook. But I would rather die than get his help or pull him in to save myself because a swordsman would never do something like that. Especially one that is aspiring to be the greatest swordsman in the world.
"You know," Sanji said. "If you're not going to take my help, you should at least TRY and get out."
Of course I was trying to get out! What did he think I was doing? Just standing there thinking? What could I possibly be doing besides escaping as the quicksand crept up to my shoulders.
The cook sighed and then just… lit a cigarette as if that wouldn't poison my lungs. I work out every day so that I can be in tip-top shape and I didn't need him ruining all my dreams by making me develop a horrible cough.
"Put that out right now." I ordered him.
"What?" Sanji said, pretending he didn't know what I was talking about.
"Stop smoking." I clarified. "Forever."
"I ALWAYS smoke, it's never offended you before." Sanji said.
"Well maybe I'm just irritable because I'm neck deep in quicksand and the only other person around who could possibly do ANYTHING to help me is just standing there smoking, acting as though no one is around sinking in quicksand and is, instead, filling that person's lungs with second hand smoke."
"Is that a demented way to ask me for help?" Sanji said with a raised eyebrow.
I decided that now was a good time to just leap out and do a flip, landing perfectly and show him that I was okay the whole time and was just misleading him so he could realize just how useless he actually is. Unfortunately, there would be no leaping or flipping considering I was neck deep in quicksand. He just stared at me, noting my situation and not doing anything about it. It got to the point in which I was GLAD when I was completely submerged in the quicksand so I wouldn't have to look at him anymore.
Though, I couldn't really look at anything anymore. Or…breathe for that matter. Just as I was about to escape, I felt something grab me by the collar and then begin to pull up to the surface.
Sanji had pulled me out of the quicksand and onto a hard surface. "It's about time you rescued me." I said after I had caught my breath.
"Aren't you even going to thank me?" Sanji asked.
"I never asked for your help." I reminded him, standing up and brushing myself off. "You're the one who decided to do something about it. I was going to be just fine without you. Now stop wasting time because we have to get to the top of the mountain."
Sanji obviously wised up because he didn't do any more stupid things on our journey all the way to the top of the mountain. Though, I thought it to be somewhat strange that the men built their village at the top of the mountain considering it was quite a climb.
"Welcome to the Village of Men?" I read, taking special heed to all signs.
"There are two strictly male villages?" Sanji said.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Nami-san, Usopp and I have already been to the Village of Men and it wasn't at the top of the mountain." Sanji said, looking around. "Hey, why is the mountain over there and we're over here?"
I looked over to where he was looking to see the mountain. "Hm… we seem to have gone astray…" I concluded.
"We got lost." Sanji said.
"Don't say it like that!" I commanded.
"How could you have possibly NOT noticed when we went DOWNHILL on our way down the mountain?!" Sanji yelled.
I was about to bow my head in shame when I realized that he hadn't noticed either. "You didn't notice either." I said.
"I just didn't say anything."
"Liar." I said since he most definitely was. Just then, I heard many, many approaching footsteps. I turned around to see a swarm of small, midget dwarf type creatures in a big mob out of the village. I didn't know if they were hostile or not but any large number of tiny natives never really proved to be friends. And, to put it simply, I just didn't like them.
"Are you going to back me up or are you just going to stand back and watch like last time?" I asked Sanji as I reached for my swords.
"Huh?" was all he muttered as one of the midget people stepped forward.
"Representative of the Village of Women, who is this strange woman you are traveling with?" he asked.
I wondered if I had heard him correctly. I looked behind me to see if there was any 'Representative of the Village of Women' with 'a strange woman' because, obviously, they better not be referring to the cook and I.
"Ah, well, this strange woman just so happens to be the Village Leader of the Village of Women." Sanji said, pointing to me.
I was absolutely appalled. What? Me? Woman? I don't think I've ever been mistaken for a woman before IN MY LIFE… and also never thought that I would have this issue with being angry at someone for calling me a woman or mistaking me for a woman. There seemed to be some sort of mutual agreement that I was a woman…that I had not been informed of.
I conjured up my most masculine voice as to prove that I was not a woman even though my manliness should have been obvious enough. "What are you talking about?" I said.
"How did this woman become leader of the Village of Women?" asked the tiny man. "She is very small."
"It is clear because she is the most beautiful of them all!" said another one of the tiny men.
"You're right!" said a third. "Her beauty far surpasses any of the others! We should have our prince marry HER! I'm sure she'll be very good at conceiving large and masculine men as well as some petite, feminine women."
All right, this was going too far. I reached for my sword to smite the little cretins when I was kicked by Sanji. I turned to take my anger out on him instead, but he pulled me aside out of earshot of the little men. "Zoro, this is the Village of Men."
"Yes, I noticed." I answered. "The village of the very tiny and very insulting men."
"You probably look different from their perspective." Sanji said.
"But they've all seen women before," I pointed out. "After all, there's a village compiled entirely of women just on the other side of this island!"
"Yes but…they are very large…and very hideous…" Sanji said.
"ENOUGH!!" came the booming voice of one of the tiny men. Sanji and I turned around to see him pointing his laser gun at us. "We are through with negotiations!"
"Were we negotiating?" said Sanji, making matters worse even though he had a point.
"You have failed to return our prince to us!" he said, ignoring Sanji. "So, as irresistible as your beauty may be, since you are the leader of the village we are to rage war against, we have no choice but to do this!"
Then he raised his gun. A gun was really the only thing that I didn't know how to deal with. If I were the best swordsman in the world, I would be able to use my sword to deflect the bullets back at the shooter or at least away from myself. But, currently, as only the second best swordsman in the world, I could not do that. I might be only the third best swordsman, or even the fourth. But I'm pretty sure I'm in the top ten range. Top seven range. Top five. Definitely.
The man told us not to move and I got the feeling that even if I knew how to deflect the bullets, his laser gun wasn't loaded with bullets. It was probably loaded with lasers. And no one really knows what a laser can do to you. They might just disintegrate you and I don't think even I could recover from something like that. Plus, I wasn't about to let myself die for the Village of Women.
So a few other men brought stepladders and put them up next to us. Sanji seemed to have the same idea as I did because we both allowed the men to tie us both together, back to back. I didn't mind all that much because I knew we could easily escape later, but once they took my swords, I took it personally.
But by that time, we were already tied up and thrown into a cage. They hoisted us above their heads and carried us down the path, most likely on their way to the Village of Women.
I waited for Sanji to do something. He could have easily just kicked his way out of the cage, right? I mean, his legs were completely free. I tried clearing my throat a few times but he didn't seem to take the hint. You'd think someone who excels at kicking like he does would always be thinking of ways they could get out of bad situations while using their kicking abilities. I didn't want the men to just HAVE my swords like they did at this very moment and Sanji OBVIOUSLY didn't care at all.
I didn't want to say anything because that would mean that I was practically asking for his help. So I only waited for it to occur to him to kick his way out and then we could retrieve my swords and then we wouldn't have to be tied together anymore.
All of a sudden, the movement stopped. I looked ahead of us to see that we had entered the Village of Incredibly Large and Manly Women, of which I am the leader. Though I did not know exactly how it happened, or why and CERTAINLY did not WANT it to happen, I was and at that point, I really couldn't change it. And I also was, apparently, the most beautiful woman in this village and I definitely didn't want that. I'm not even a woman. That's not saying much about the women of this village. Because I am SO manly.
"We have come to sacrifice your Beautiful and Fair Village Leader and Village Representative!" said one of the men, stepping forward.
"No need!" said Nami as she pushed her way through the crowd of women who were all gathered together having some sort of party. "We found the Prince! You don't have to go to war!"
"I'm right here!" said a tiny man as he stepped forward as well.
"Well good!" exclaimed the mob of tiny men.
Suddenly, the cage around me just sort of…exploded. All the men gasped and scattered like roaches under a light.
"NAMI-SAN!!!" yelled Sanji at the top of his lungs as he stood up, so my legs were pointing up in the air. "I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM THESE HORRIBLE TINY MEN!!!"
He suddenly jumped down and I could feel myself being violently shaken around. While I couldn't see what was going on, I could see straight up and I could see a bunch of teeny little men fly up into the air. The stupid cook was kicking them high into the air. AFTER peace had been declared.
"STOP DOING THAT!!!" I tried yelling at him but he was in that mode that he gets in where he can see nothing because of the hindering pulsing hearts he has in front of his eyes.
Just when I thought I would have to do something drastic, I felt a hard bap on the top of my head, and suddenly the cook fell to the ground and so did I. I probably crushed all his internal organs too, but he deserved it for being such a lunatic.
But what I DIDN'T deserve was to be hit or knocked to the ground. Of course, Sanji broke my fall but I still didn't deserve to be hit. So I looked up to see Nami standing over us looking irritated. At least it wasn't a tiny man. That would have just been a little TOO degrading.
"WHAT are you doing?!" she demanded, as if it was my fault.
"What am I doing?!" I yelled at her since she had no ground to stand on whatsoever. I got to my feet but still had that stupid cook on my back AND I was still tied up so I felt as though no matter what I said, I wouldn't be taken seriously. "I TRIED to get him to stop!"
Just then, the tiny man who had been hanging out with the women approached me. "Although my heart belongs to Ung, I must say that you are much more beautiful." He said. Who was this man? What right did he have to say something like that to me? Why is he so small? Now NO one was going to take me seriously. I was so angry that I couldn't even speak. I would rather him come over and condemn us to some underground dungeon for punting half of his people which I would gladly take the blame for in exchange for this event never happening. Because now Nami was looking at me weirdly. And Usopp. And I bet that stupid cook was laughing at me behind my back. Literally.
I bet Luffy was going to…oh, here he comes. He was probably going to say something stupid. I knew for sure that he was going to say something stupid, especially since he was carrying an enormous drum.
"I got this drum for you so you could be our musician." Luffy explained, placing the drum in front of me.
Normally, I would laugh at his stupidity. But not this time. He was going too far. There was no way I was going to be a musician. I have my job on the ship! I preserve my strength so I can fight in battles! If I was the musician…wait, why am I even speculating?! I don't NEED to justify a reason for not being the musician!!
"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!" I yelled at him.
Suddenly, I felt a weight drop off my back. I turned around to see that one of the tiny men had cut our ropes and was now handing me my three swords. I don't get it. Half of them had just been kicked sky high and now they were acting as though none of it had even happened.
"Because you all helped us retrieve our Prince and Princess, we formally invite you to the wedding!!" exclaimed one of the men.
I was going to say no, since we had already spent longer than I had hoped on this island, but someone else said yes. Someone…I don't know who…they all sound the same. Especially when I'm not listening.
The wedding was actually really short. They lined up one of the men and one of the women right then and there and simply declared that they were now married and the Villages were joined. We could have left just then, but there was a party afterwards and not only was I the Village Leader AND the most beautiful woman there, but no one else was going back to the ship and there would have been no point in just waiting for them there and turning down a party.
And I swear, Luffy chased me around that entire party with that drum, insisting that I play it. No matter how much liquor I consumed, I was never going to play that drum.
At one point, Sanji actually asked me to dance. I knew he was just making fun of me, since he called me a 'lady', so I told him that I would rather commit Seppuku right then and there so he went off and drank some more and sat in the corner. Probably crying. Actually, undoubtedly crying.
Then there was the fact that I was proposed to at least four times. By men. I found that these men had a very easy time walking up to a random person they just met and asking them to marry him. Was everyone in the entire world trying to get me to question my sexuality preference tonight? It wasn't going to work. I'm still manly.
That was when Usopp walked by. I saw him look at me. He winked. Usopp winked at me. He made gestures. He was coming onto me. I pulled out one of my swords and pointed it at him. He seemed to get the message without me having to say anything because he was quick to leave after that.
"Zoro, look, I filled your drum up with meat!!" said Luffy, coming out nowhere as he dropped 'my' drum down on the ground to show me that, sure enough, it was filled with meat.
"Whopee." I said, trying to sound as UNenthusiastic as possible. What was I supposed to say? What would YOU have said? "Okay, Luffy. The drum is filled with meat." He was probably expecting me to say, "LET'S SHARE THE MEAT, LUFFY!!" or even better, "DARN!! I CAN'T PLAY IT NOW!!"
"You can't play it now." Said Luffy, reading my mind. "And I felt a little guilty about…you know, breaking your drum. So I asked the men if they had any drums! But…they didn't. So I got you this instead!" He then handed me a tiny guitar that was about the size of my palm. "It's a man-sized ukulele."
"No ukulele is man-sized." I told him. "ESPECIALLY not this one."
"PLAY IT FOR ME!!!" Luffy exclaimed as if I had marveled at the gift. "I'll sit here and eat my meat as you play and entertain me since I am your captain and I command it and you are the musician!!"
"I am NOT the musician, nor have I ever been one!" I said, dropping the ukulele on the ground and stomping off.
It was then that I came across Nami. "We're going to be leaving soon." She said. "We're going to try and slip away unnoticed as to not make a big deal about it all."
"I'll meet you at the ship." I said immediately, pushing past her.
I started to make my way towards the ship when I saw Usopp practically hunched over onto the ground with Sanji's body on top of him. At first, my initial reaction was that Sanji was molesting Usopp, but I soon realized that Sanji was, in fact, unconscious and Usopp was most likely just trying to carry him back to the boat and failing miserably.
So, to save him anymore embarrassment, I grabbed Sanji and lifted him off of Usopp. Of course I had to make him feel stupid by carrying Sanji with only ONE hand above my head but he didn't even thank me. Not at all. I could have just left him there with his struggling but I was a nice enough guy to help him. Well, see if I ever do that again.
Usopp suddenly jumped into this little rowboat thing. At first, I just kind of looked at him but then I looked out to see that our boat was a little way of the coast so we clearly had to row out there. Even though I SWEAR I put the anchor down this morning.
I dropped the cook in the boat and got in too. I guess we were just waiting for Nami and Luffy to get back.
Then Usopp had the nerve to start whistling. "Hey, stop that." I commanded him.
"This is no way to apologize to me!" said Usopp, something that I wasn't exactly expecting.
He couldn't tell by the confused look on my face that I didn't know what he was talking about so I had to say, "What?"
"Admit it, if I hadn't been so limber then you surely would have taken my head off!" he declared.
I didn't quite understand what he was talking about. If he was referring to the incident at the party in which I drew a sword on him for coming onto me then he had no ground to stand on. I was in complete control of my sword and there was no possible way I would have ever cut his head off, even if he had lunged into it I would have been ready to move it in time. I just wanted to freak him out a little bit so he would think twice about coming onto me next time.
"What?" I said to him. Maybe I was wrong.
He didn't have time to answer because Luffy suddenly came out of nowhere carrying his…or my, stupid drum. "Zoro, you forgot your ukulele." He said, handing me the ukulele from the Village of Men.
He put the drum that was still filled with meat in the boat. Then he got in as well. Before he could say any other stupid things, Nami came down the path carrying a giant bag of what I could only assume was treasure.
I lounged back, but something was keeping me from getting comfortable. It was something I was lying on. I leaned forward and looked behind me to see a set of oars. I picked them up and held them for a minute, waiting for someone else to offer to take at least ONE of them. No one really said anything because I think they were all pretending not to notice me in order to get out of doing any rowing.
Nami got in the boat and I knew at that point that they weren't going to be helping me. So, scornfully, I put both oars into the water and rowed all by myself. But, I guess the upside of this was that I was getting good exercise for my arms.
"There's water in the boat!!" Nami screamed abruptly. I looked down to see that there was about three inches of water inside our boat. Then I looked at the side of the boat to see that it was practically in the water because of all the weight that was in the boat. I guess I had been preoccupied with rowing all by myself to notice.
"We're too heavy!" Usopp yelled in a panic. "Get rid of the treasure!"
"NEVER!!" yelled Nami.
"All right…get rid of the meat!" Usopp suggested.
"NEVER!!!" yelled Luffy in the same voice as Nami.
"We're SINKING!!" Usopp stated the obvious. "Do we have any other deadweight that we can throw overboard?!"
Deadweight…I looked at the cook. He was weight. And he was practically dead. He was deadweight.
"How about the cook?" I asked. I didn't expect them to agree, but Nami and Luffy yelled, "YEAH!!" so I shrugged and heaved Sanji overboard.
"Wait a second!" said Luffy, having another one of his mood swings. "THAT'S MY COOK!!" Stupidly, he leapt into the water as well. Everyone who knows Luffy KNOWS that he can't swim and it didn't look like Nami or Usopp were going to do anything about it, big surprise there, so I took it upon myself to save his life.
I swam down and down and down until I finally saw Luffy on one side of me and Sanji on the other side of me. So I grabbed them both and swam back to the surface. I don't know why I had thrown Sanji overboard. It was one of those things that SEEMED like a good idea at the time, but I look back at it and want to kick myself because now I was all wet.
"Ah, a beautiful green haired mermaid has saved me!" said Sanji foolishly.
This was about the tenth time I had been referred to as a woman today. As drunk as he may be, my patience with him was already short anyway so I punched him on the head JUST hard enough to knock him unconscious again, but not quite kill him.
Nami and Usopp actually helped in hoisting Luffy back onto the boat but as I handed them the cook, they kind of just… stopped. As if their job was done.
"Actually, Zoro, we can't take anymore weight." Said Nami. "This is perfect. If you and Sanji just swim then we won't sink!"
"But he can't swim!" I pointed out. "He's unconscious!"
"Well whose fault is THAT Mr. Mermaid?!" said Nami.
I didn't actually mind swimming, what I minded was having to carry Sanji AND swim. "How about one of you switch places with him?" I said to Nami and Usopp.
"I have to row!" Usopp declared, grabbing the oars.
"And I'm a lady." Said Nami. "And I'm wearing a white shirt!"
I glared at her. "So am I." I said.
"You know, Zoro, when a guy wears a tight, wet, white shirt, it's okay!" Nami began. "As a matter of fact, it's great! But when a girl wears a tight, wet, white shirt…"
"I get it!!" I interrupted her, not wanting to really hear anymore. "But I'm sure you can take Sanji onboard, he doesn't weigh very much!"
"Are you not tough enough to carry him?" said Nami.
"What?" I said, utterly in shock that anyone would say something like that to me. Especially someone in her position, whose life I have saved more times than I can count.
"Well, here I was THINKING you were a tough guy and I WAS admiring how strong you were to row all by yourself without being fatigued AT ALL, and then go and save Luffy and Sanji but…" she started but then sighed. "I guess it was all an act."
"I don't act." I told her.
"Fine, just hand us Sanji, you don't need to carry him if your tired." She said, reaching a hand down.
"No," I said. "I'm not tired at all. I could carry Sanji AND Luffy if I wanted to. And then I wouldn't get tired."
"I don't believe that."
"Well I'll show you then." I said. She thinks she's so smart. I lift more weights than she could even DREAM of lifting on an OFF day! It was no trouble to just carry the cook to the boat. It's not like it was far away or anything. And I carried him the whole way and I even held him with one hand as I climbed up the ladder and looked down to make sure that Nami was watching, and she was. Boy I showed her.
I dropped him on the deck and waited for Nami to climb up. "See?" I said as she climbed over the edge. "I'm not tired."
"Oh yes, you're strong all right." Said Nami, rolling her eyes.
"I am." I said, since she was hinting to me that she didn't believe me.
"Well, I suppose you WOULD be, but you couldn't even carry him all the way to his room." She said with a sigh. "That's all right! I can take it from here!"
She bent over to grab Sanji, but I stopped her. She thought I was tired and that I couldn't do it, when I could actually do it ten times. "YOU don't have to do it." I said.
I grabbed him by the collar and dragged him back to our little collaborative room area and dropped him in one of the hammocks, just in case Nami didn't think I was strong enough to finish the job all the way to completion. Just when I was about to go back outside and do…I don't know, something…I figured that it was dark and it was late and though I wasn't tired because I swam, I was tired. I didn't NEED to change into dry clothes so I yawned flamboyantly as to make sure that everyone knew that I was going to bed and not coming back out and then hopped into my own hammock and went to sleep.