Nami's Day
"LAND!!!"
Finally! We were, at last, about to land after our week or so at sea. I dressed myself and searched for my map of the area. I looked the map up and down, trying to establish what island we were coming across to finally decide upon 'Silver River'. I looked it up in one of my books and read about its history so I could tell the rest of the crew.
I opened the door, ready to explain everything to them. "Oh, we're at the island—" I began but was interrupted rudely by Sanji.
"GOOD MORNING NAMI-SAN!!!" yelled Sanji as he groveled at my feet and frolicked about happily.
I tried to be polite so I smiled but then returned to what I was saying. "So anyway, we're approaching island Silver River." I explained as Sanji, Usopp and Luffy came over to look at my map. I pointed to the island for them. "It's a warring island."
"Warring?" Usopp asked.
"Yes." I said, glad that I had read up on the history of the island. It certainly made me look like I obsessed about tiny insignificant islands like this one even though I don't in reality. "There are two villages. The Village of Men and the Village of Women. The men are extremely conniving and intelligent whereas the women are amazingly strong. The two villages can never really seem to get along." I tried to remember more or elaborate…but I was really done at that point. "And that's that."
"The explaining Nami-san is so CHARMING!!" Sanji exclaimed, though I doubt he listened to a word I said.
"I'm HUNGRY!!" Luffy yelled which told me that he was ALSO not listening to a word I said. "Make me something!"
"Not right now." Sanji replied.
"Yes, Sanji, why don't you go and make breakfast?" I suggested, hoping to get a bit of quiet time as I studied the map, routing the best possible way for us to dock on the island for supplies. We didn't have to stay for very long, just long enough to stock up on the things we were running low on.
"With love, Nami-san!!" Sanji cheered as he frolicked into the kitchen.
"Are we going to dock there?" Usopp asked. Maybe…just MAYBE Usopp had been listening to me. But it wasn't likely.
"Not really," I answered. "There's no reason to. We can just pick up a few supplies and then head on our way."
"But I want to dock on the island." Whined Luffy probably wasn't even listening to me just then. Then Usopp left, leaving me to deal with Luffy.
"Luffy, why don't you go and sit on our personal seat and be the lookout?" I suggested, knowing that that would hype him up.
"ALL RIGHT!!!" he yelled excitedly as he ran over to the ram's head at the front of our ship.
Now, I turned to find either Sanji or Zoro to command them to pull the sails in. But, I remembered that I had already given Sanji an order and Zoro was probably out doing something already. Maybe…steering? But whatever he was doing, he was busy.
I wasn't about to pull the sails in by myself so I could go and get Luffy. I didn't know if it would be a difficult thing to do to get him to get away from his personal seat. Then…I looked up to see that the sails were already in and then I remembered that I had told the other four to pull them in last night.
So…maybe I would just go look for the map that was specifically about Silver River. And if there wasn't one, I'd just make one.
But, much to my dismay, there was one. It did take a while to find though, after searching through many piles and rolled up pieces of paper. Luckily I was a slightly organized person so they were all properly labeled and mildly in alphabetical order but not exactly. I studied the map and found that the two villages were practically on opposite sides of the island, separated by a small river that ran right down the middle of it. I assumed that that's where it had gotten its name, 'Silver River'. But…why 'Silver'? Oh well, I couldn't let the name of the island plague me.
I took my map and walked back outside where I was immediately approached by Usopp.
"Nami, I can't find Zoro." He told me.
"Why are you looking for him?" I asked.
"Because he's supposed to put down the anchor." Usopp answered. "Plus, he didn't help at all while we were docking."
He didn't help while we were docking? What kind of crew member was he? Here I was thinking he was off doing something important when it just occurred to me that he was probably sleeping the whole time. I didn't have to assume he was sleeping, though, because he walked in yawning a very loud yawn that only angered me even more than I was before because it was like he was flaunting that he was sleeping the whole time while we were hard at work.
"Where were you?!" I asked. "We've been doing all this work while you've just been sleeping!!"
He looked at me as if I was wrong for yelling at him. But he didn't answer me. He didn't even say anything.
"So what are you waiting for?!" I yelled, pointing at the anchor. "Put the anchor down!!" He has one job on this ship and he'd better do it right!
Then again, how could you not put an anchor down correctly? I wanted him to do it wrong just so I could yell at him more. But he did it just fine. But anyone could have done that job so it only goes to show just how superfluous Zoro is.
Sanji emerged from the kitchen just then. I was hoping that he would have breakfasts made but he actually just had a platter of drinks. For crying out loud, HE has one job on this ship and he can't even do it right.
Something that irritated me just then was Sanji's pink apron. Why would a man wear a pink apron? He was either EXTREMELY confident with his sexuality or was questioning his sexuality. Either one sounded like Sanji which confused and infuriated me.
"I made some special drinks!" he announced, presenting the platter to me.
I couldn't let him get away with slacking off since it couldn't have taken him THAT long to make those drinks. "Sanji!" I said. "Where were YOU while we were landing and doing all that work?!"
"Nami-sa~~~n!" said Sanji as he continued to urge me to take a drink. "I made you a drink!" I didn't want to take one just because he should have been making breakfast.
"That doesn't answer my question!" I said.
"The angry Nami-san is so charming!!" Sanji yelled as he continued to dance so much that I thought he would drop all the drinks that had taken him all morning to make. Supposedly. Zoro seemed to be offended by the mere presences of Sanji's pink apron and the drinks…or maybe just Sanji all together because he left pretty much as soon as Sanji had burst through the door. Usopp just stood there with a blank look on his face. I wanted to twang his nose and see if it made a vibration noise. It's one of my secret desires.
In fact, I have a secret desire with everyone on the ship. Nothing sexual. No, really. Okay then. I want to twang Usopp's nose, stretch Luffy all the way around the world and uncurl Sanji's eyebrow (or at least see the other one.) As for Zoro… it's kind of stupid. I want to steal that green thing he wears around his waist, wear it for a few minutes and then feed it to a third world country. And then blame it on someone else.
"Sanji, why are you drinking all those?" Usopp's voice jerked me back into reality. "I'll have one."
"Uh…sure." Said Sanji as he handed Usopp and I a drink.
I decided that I was the only one losing by NOT drinking Sanji's special drink so I did.
"Where are Zoro and Luffy?" Sanji asked randomly.
"I'm sure they're around the boat somewhere." I replied as I drank the special drink. No matter how much I try to hide it, I like the special drink.
"No, I saw them go over to the island." Said Usopp.
"WHAT?!" I yelled louder than I had originally intended. I wanted to go in and go out and leave this island forever. That was not going to happen now. "We have to go to shore and get them."
"Why?" asked Usopp. "I thought you said we were just going to pass by this island after getting supplies."
"That's why we have to go and pick them up!" Sanji said. "Right, Nami-san?"
"What about the amazingly strong women and hideously conniving men?" Usopp asked. Aha! So he WAS listening to me!
"Whatever Nami-san says, goes!" Sanji declared. Okay, I admit having a mindless servant like Sanji came in handy sometimes because Sanji could threaten Usopp into doing whatever he wanted. And I could tell Sanji to do whatever I wanted. Same with Usopp. So I was seriously holding ALL the cards!
I guess I was thinking about this while we were getting off the ship because the next thing I knew, we were off the ship. "Do you think Zoro and Luffy went to the Men's Village or the Women's Village?" I wondered out loud, not expecting anyone to really give me an intelligent answer.
"They have separate villages?" said Sanji. See? No intelligence whatsoever. "Let's visit the Women's village! I bet they're there! That's where I would go!"
"Well, if we were looking for you then we'd definitely look there." I said. The two idiots followed me around even though I had no intention of going to the Village of Women because I knew both of them wanted to go there. Yes, I must admit that I did SORT OF want to go to the Village of Men but not in an obsessive kind of way like Sanji.
I wasn't sure if I was going the right way or not but thankfully, we passed by a sign that said 'Welcome to the Village of Men'.
"Nami-san!" complained Sanji as he fidgeted around unhappily. "This is the Village of Men!"
"I know." I responded as I quickly came up with a BS reason why I would take them to the Village of Men as opposed to the Village of Women. "If we were to run into hostile natives, would you rather attack a man or a woman?"
"A man of course." Sanji replied. "Why?"
"Because, of the three of us, you're the only one who can attack and I don't need you melting over a woman instead of attacking her if she tries to kill us!" I said. That actually made sense, considering I had just thought of it right then and there on the spot.
"I resent that!" said Usopp. "I would attack any woman!" I had forgotten that Usopp had this idea in his head that he was a good fighter or something. So I figured that if I just ignored him…he'd shut up.
We entered this bizarrely small village just then. It was tiny. I could trip over the houses. This definitely wasn't in what I read. "What's up with these tiny houses?" Usopp asked.
Just then, the doors to the tiny houses flung open a bunch of little teeny men with laser guns emerged. These men were about three foot nothing and were dressed in futuristic type clothes. I was disappointed that they weren't large Amazon men with rippling pectorals like melons and knees of fringe. Usopp jumped behind me like the fearless leader he was.
"Don't move!" yelled one of the men.
"How dare you point that gun at Nami-san!" Sanji scolded them as he leapt in front of me and spread his arms out. Yes, puppet, take the blow for me as I think up a clever scheme.
"We will shoot!" said another one. Aha! I have one. That's a new record for me.
"You wouldn't shoot the representatives from the Women's Village!" I declared.
"Yes, we are GODS in the Women's Village!!" Usopp added. Though that might have been pushing it, the men began to lower their guns and look interested.
Just then, another man who was just as small as the rest while also wearing a crown approached us. "Yes…we can see that you are women." He said. Obviously, my plan had worked perfectly. "We know this because you all are very large."
"Nami-san is NOT fat!" said Sanji foolishly. I was not worried about the men referring to me as fat, but I was glad to know that Sanji didn't think I was. But he still was being annoying.
"Just ignore her." I said, elbowing him.
"Nami-san, I know they may be confused on our genders but you know very well that I am a man." Said Sanji. "Now let's leave and go to the Village of Women."
"Have you come from the Village of Women to aid us in our search for the Prince and the Princess?" asked the Leader of the Men
"No." I replied, getting curious. "What happened?"
"To end the warring of our two villages, we decided that we would just become one village." Explained the leader. "We were going to marry my son to the other leader's daughter and become citizens of one village. But, yesterday, both my son and her daughter disappeared. This angered both villages and we have declared a fight to the death until the Prince and Princess are returned home and wed!"
"Could they have run away?" I suggested because I knew that I would have if my marriage had been arranged. Especially if it was to a tiny little man half my size. "What if they didn't want an arranged marriage?"
"It is impossible." Said the leader. "You see, it was my son's idea in the first place."
"Maybe we could help you!" I declared, being the Good Samaritan I am.
I was just about to mention a sort of…PAYMENT, when Sanji butt in with stupidity; "Hey Nami-san, Mr. Prince is back."
I may have overreacted, but I slapped him a few times to get him in order so he would know his place.
"We'll help you…but for a price!" I said when I confirmed to myself that Sanji was going to be quiet during my negotiations.
"Whatever you want, we'll give you." Said the Village Leader. "Even though we have more intelligence and technology than the women, when it comes to brute strength, they vastly outweigh us. Literally."
I was pleased to hear this. So this meant that I could make the price as high as I wanted and they would pay me. I tested how high he would go until he said they would be unable to pay but no matter how high I number I stated, he agreed and said that it was no problem for them. I even made up a number and he said that it was reasonable.
So, when I was satisfied, I turned to Usopp and Sanji who had been very helpfully quiet this entire time. "All right, we're going to go and find that Prince and Princess!" I told them.
"The determined Nami-san is so charming!!" yelled Sanji unexpectedly enough.
"Where do we start looking?" Usopp asked.
"At the Village of Women!" I said as I pulled out my map so I could route the shortest and most efficient path to the other Village. "It's not too far. We're just going to go there and talk to them."
As we journeyed, I tried to think of something other than the two warring villages. Somehow, the thought of Zoro's green belt thing entered my head again. What WAS it? Why did he wear it? All the time? It didn't matter what else he was wearing, he always had that thing on. I started to think that I would probably never get the opportunity to wear it or even touch it since he most likely showers with it on. If he even showers. I doubt any of the men on the ship shower. Ew, that means that I'm on a ship with a bunch of stinky mean who wear green belts around their waists all the time. Then again, only one of them wears a green belt. One wears a pink apron. Another wears a straw hat. And as for Usopp… it doesn't matter WHAT he wears, his long nose is still ever so distracting and I just want to…twang…
"Nami-san, did you make that map?" asked Sanji suddenly.
I thought for a moment. What was he talking about? It had nothing to do with green belts or aprons or noses. Then I remembered that that was all inner monologue and he was referring to the map I was following. I looked at it and remembered that I had gotten this particular one from a book. "No, not this one." I answered, hoping that my pause had not been TOO long but Sanji probably didn't care because he looked pleased.
"How much further until we get to that village?" Usopp asked.
"Oh!" I said as I just remembered that I should probably explain to them that the Village of Women were less civilized that the Village of Men. And I did.
"Nami-san…they pulled guns on us and called you fat." Said Sanji, referring to the Village of Men. "And you are not fat."
That was nice of him, but he was just being regular Sanji. I waited to make sure he wasn't going to continue. "Meaning…you two should probably hide while I speak with them."
Just then, we passed by a sign that said 'Welcome to Village of Woman' written sloppily while spelling a few words wrong.
"But Nami-san, I want to see these absurdly strong women." Sanji said.
"You'll have to see them from your hiding place then." I said, pointing to a bush they could hide in.
"YES OF COURSE NAMI-SA~~~N!!" cheered Sanji as he jumped behind the bush. I hoped that the village women didn't hear that as I walked over to them. A few of them approached me.
"You small woman." They said, standing at probably nine feet.
"Uh…yeah!" I said. "I'm er…not full grown."
"Oh." They said, scratching their heads.
"So…" I said after a long pause. "I'm looking for the Prince and Princess that have turned up missing. Do you know anything about them?"
"Prince and Princess?" said one. "We no know where are. But village leaders go out to find them at Village of Men."
They pointed in a direction that was definitely not the way to the Village of Men. In fact, it was pretty much the opposite direction. "Okay…you sure they went that way?" I asked. They all nodded and seemed pretty sure of themselves so I decided to take their word on it.
"Thank you!" I said as I went back over to Sanji and Usopp as the women continued to go about their day.
"They sent their leaders off to the Village of Men a little while ago," I explained quickly. "Over in this direction." If we hurried, we could catch up with the leaders and stop them before they did anything to the Village of Men.
"But that's not the direction we came from!" said Usopp.
"I know." I answered. "But we have to catch up with them before they do anything hostile to the Village of Men!"
"The caring Nami-san is so CHARMING!!!" Sanji exclaimed as he frolicked happily with a big dopey grin on his face.
"Thank you, Sanji." I said, trying not to look TOO annoyed. But it's not like it would have made a difference to him whether I looked annoyed or not. In fact, he would probably go and say, 'The annoyed Nami-san is so charming!!'
We didn't search for very long but Usopp was seriously beginning to get on my nerves as his continuously whined about tromping through a forest area in search of some potentially hostile Village Leaders. I knew where I was going and I knew what I wanted to do and if he didn't want to follow me then frankly, I didn't care if he stopped right then. Sanji, of course, was skipping happily beside me and I'm not really sure if he was aware of the fact that he was just STARING at me with the creepiest grin on his face in the world.
Luckily, I looked forward again just in time to stop because three extremely pointy and sharp swords were being pointed at me. The holder put them away, though, and I looked to see that it was Zoro who had threateningly almost severely injured me.
I realized that he was most likely trying to just protect himself since this island is definitely not the most friendly one we've ever been to, but he had to learn his lesson not to point his swords at me. Zoro's like a dog, you see, you have to teach him his lesson the first time and punish him or else he'll never learn. He'll just go about doing it over and over thinking it's right until he's finally told that it's wrong.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" I yelled at him. As he started to say something, I had to stop him before he did or else he would think it was justified and then he would never learn.
"RIGHT, NAMI-SAN!!" Sanji's voice rang in the background.
"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!!!" I yelled at Zoro who was looking at me skeptically. I wondered if he was learning.
"Not while I'm around, Nami-san!!" Sanji cheered.
"DON'T JUST POINT YOUR SWORD AT ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!" I yelled at him. At that point, I think he understood because he had stopped looking as though he was going to retort.
"Don't you dare ever do that again or so help me!!" Sanji said as he threateningly began to wave his foot at Zoro's turned back. I knew that, with a dog, if you go too far, it could end up just backfiring in your face and plus, Sanji was just annoying me, as usual.
"Sanji, be quiet." I instructed him.
"Yes, SIR, Nami-san!!" Sanji said.
"I don't need you doing that though." I continued since he had clearly not listened to me and I had to reiterate myself. "I can take care of myself just fine." Now that I think about it, I feel as though I am truly on a ship with a bunch of dogs that desperately need to be trained.
"The independent Nami-san is so charming!!" Sanji exclaimed.
I knew that teaching Sanji would require a DIFFERENT level of help. Maybe the age old 'Rolled Up Newspaper' technique would be best.
I turned away from him and attempted to engage myself in intelligent conversation with Luffy and Usopp but… what was I expecting? Luffy and Usopp? Intelligent conversation? No…
"What are you all doing out here anyway?" Usopp said to Luffy.
"I'm the captain so I should be the one asking you all that question!" Luffy answered with a scruff.
"We're looking for the Village Leaders of the Village of Women." Usopp replied since I hadn't decided to interject just yet.
"Oh!" Luffy said as he proudly pointed to himself and Zoro. "That's us."
Zoro and Luffy could hardly handle themselves let alone lead an entire village. I mean, they had gotten themselves lost on an island before we had even docked on it so HOW could they possibly have won the Village of Women over to make the women decide to make Zoro and Luffy their leaders?
"YOU TWO are the village leaders?" I asked, figuring that the best way to get information was to ask. "How? WHY?"
"Uh, no, just Luffy, not me." Zoro said.
"No, we both worked TOGETHER to beat the large women!" Luffy said.
"So you beat up the women and they made you their leaders?" I said more specifically since they were having trouble answering my previous question that required something other than a 'Yes' or a 'No'.
"Well, I guess that settles it then." Said Sanji, though I couldn't imagine what 'that' had settled considering we hadn't come to any sort of conclusion at all. "You two can just tell them not to rage war against the Village of Men." Even though I failed at figuring out Sanji's trail of thought just then, I wasn't about to shoot down a good idea.
"But the Village of Men is the one that's raging war against US!" Luffy said.
"Don't say US!" Zoro said as they once again brought up the fact that he did not enjoy being a Village Leader, not that I could blame him. "You're not REALLY part of their village!"
"I'm their leader!" Luffy said.
It was time to get off this topic and go back to more important issues! "Whatever it is, just tell them not to go to war." I said. "And that's another conflict solved."
"What about the prince and princess?" Usopp said suddenly. Then I remembered my negotiations with the Village Leader of the Village of Men and knew that I was obligated to carry out my deal if I wanted to be paid, which I did very much so.
"We were just going to the Village of Men and DEMAND that they return the princess back home!" Luffy declared.
Apparently, the whole conflict was not getting through to Luffy. "But we just came from the Village of Men and they have the same problem." I said.
"What problem?" Luffy asked.
"THEY don't know where the Prince and Princess are either." I explained, trying to sound as nice as possible.
We all pondered about our next plan of action. Actually, I was probably the only one pondering about our next plan of action and everyone else was most likely thinking of something else that only concerned THEIR needs and wants. Zoro was probably thinking about becoming the best swordsman in the world, all that was EVER in Sanji's head was girls, Luffy was probably thinking of absolutely nothing whatsoever and Usopp… well, he was probably conjuring up another lie.
"With our luck, they'll probably be at the top of that mountain." Usopp said suddenly.
It seemed to make sense. I looked at the mountain curiously, wondering who wanted something with the Prince and Princess. My peaceful wondering was short lived because I felt myself being latched onto and then jerked forward, sent hurtling in the air. After a moment of shock and confusion, I realized that Luffy had decided that he wanted to go to the top of the mountain, most likely in search of the Prince and Princess and he had ALSO decided that he wanted to bring me along! The nerve!!
This had never happened to me before, but the landing was terribly hard and unpleasant. When the dust cleared and I finished hacking and coughing I saw that Luffy had gotten up and was now parading around the peak of the mountain, way too happy with himself that he had completed such a feat.
"What did you do that for?!" I yelled.
"WOW!" he cheered, looking over the edge. "We're so high up!!"
"I ask you again, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" I demanded, louder this time.
He turned around and looked at me. "Huh?" he said, repeating it over and over as he looked back and forth. "Where is everyone else? How come it's only you, Nami?"
He was implying that he didn't want my company, even after he had grabbed me so violently and carried me to this desolate mountain peak. "Luffy, if you remember correctly, you were the one who grabbed ME." I said patiently.
"But I grabbed everyone else too." Said Luffy.
"OBVIOUSLY you didn't!" I yelled, not so patient anymore.
"But I DID." Said Luffy as if I was the one who was way off here and if I simply turned around I would see everyone else standing there giggling at me for not realizing they were there the whole time.
A quick look behind me was in order, but they weren't there.
Even though everyone was clearly not there, Luffy took it upon himself to search for them all. He looked under rocks, over the edge of the cliff and actually began to dig a hole until I ran over and hit him on the head so he stopped. "Hey, Nami, what did you do that for?" he complained.
"They're not going to be in a hole!" I told him. "You just didn't grab them on the way up!"
"But I thought I did." Said Luffy, scratching his head. "I thought I grabbed everyone."
I was never going to get through to him, so a sly trick was in order. "Oh that's right!" I said. "I just saw them start running down the mountain. If we hurry, maybe we can catch up with them. But we need to go now because they're pretty fast."
"Not as fast as me!!" Luffy declared as he jumped out of his hole and started running at top speed down the path.
"Wait up!!" I yelled at him as I only started running as fast as a regular HUMAN could run.
I was glad that the path didn't have hundreds of branch offs and random turns. In fact, I was glad that there was a path in the first place because now I couldn't lose Luffy unless he did something stupid like jump off the cliff. But not even Luffy would do something that stupid. I finally caught up with him because he had stopped dead in front of a large gorge that had a rickety old rope bridge stretching across from one end to the other.
"Let's go!" he said, sounding excited as he stepped on the bridge.
"Luffy, is this bridge really all that safe?" I asked hesitantly as I stepped on it, hearing it creek.
"It's PLENTY safe!" Luffy declared but pretty much as he said that, he might not have even been finished saying it, the ropes snapped and we both tumbled off the bridge and plummeted to the ground. I screamed myself hoarse and the only thing that finally silenced me is when we landed in a river that, thankfully, was pretty deep.
I could have saved myself just then and swam to shore when I remembered that Luffy couldn't swim. So I swam down the river until I came across his unconscious body sinking under the water. However, by that time, the current had picked up a little and now I couldn't swim to shore even if I wasn't carrying Luffy's weight. So I found myself screaming my head off again as the two of us tumbled down the raging river until we crashed into something hard.
I felt a hand on my arm and then I was pulled up into a small, primitive boat.
"What this?" came a voice. I looked up to see one of the enormous women from the Village of Women. Apparently, she was out fishing for her tribe and just so happened to stumble across Luffy and I.
"Oh thank GOD you're here!!" I said, expressing my thanks to her in any way I could think of.
At that point, Luffy woke up. "That was fun," he said groggily.
I could have killed him right then and there, but then I remembered that we were supposed to be on a mission to find the Prince and Princess. "Uh… we think we know where your Prince and Princess are." I tried.
"We go back to village now." Said the woman. "We get prepared for war."
"War?!" I demanded. "No! We're going to find the Prince and Princess! Right, Luffy? Tell them! YOU'RE the Village Leader!"
"Yeah!" said Luffy but then he didn't really follow up with anything.
"WELL?!" I said, grabbing his shoulders and shaking them.
"Let's get those men for capturing the princess!!" Luffy yelled at the top of his lungs.
"NO!!!" I screamed at him.
"Time go to war!" said the woman as she docked her boat.
"No, you can't!" I said, grabbing the woman and attempting to stop her but only ended up getting a foot ride all the way back to the village. Of course, Luffy felt he NEEDED to have a ride too and grabbed onto her other leg. If I didn't stop this war, then I wouldn't get paid and if I didn't get paid, then I'd be very very angry and take it out on someone else.
"I HAVE FOUND THE PRINCE AND PRINCESS!!!" I heard a familiar voice scream. I got up from my position on the ground and try to see over the mob of large women all looking at something but I couldn't see anything until suddenly, they all got down to the ground and started bowing.
Then I could clearly see Usopp standing out in front, being bowed to. As I made my way through the bowing women, I tried to step on as few as possible but I think I must have stepped on one or two but I wasn't about to lose any sleep over it. Usopp was looking smug with himself as I looked at the two people behind him, one really large woman and one really small man, each wearing a crown.
"How did you find them?!" I demanded because this seemed way too far-fetched that Usopp actually did anything right.
"Easy!" Usopp answered as he rambled off a bunch of absurd lies about the toils he went through to find the Prince and Princess. If he was BS-ing this, I was seriously going to kill him.
"WOW!!" yelled the typical Luffy. "THAT'S AMAZING!!! WOW!! WOW!!"
It wasn't right. It couldn't possibly have worked out. How could Usopp have found the Prince and Princess while no one else could? "What, I FOUND them didn't I?" Usopp said, sounding defensive. "They're here aren't they? I don't see what the problem is!"
"There's no problem." I said, figuring that it wasn't my problem if it turned out that he made all this stuff up.
"This call for big feast!!" declared one of the women as they all stood up. She then turned to Luffy. "It okay, Village Leader?"
"Fine with me!" Luffy agreed.
"It okay, God Usopp?" the woman asked, looking at Usopp. "Grand feast in your honor!!"
"Of COURSE it's all right!" Usopp said happily.
"YOU'RE A GOD?!" screamed Luffy. "THAT'S AMAZING!!!" I swear, if I told him that 'gullible' wasn't in the dictionary, instead of looking it up to make sure, he would cry for hours.
The women then broke out their instruments and had a mass dinner that everyone was invited to. We were all made the guests of honor as the women danced around happily and cried out with joy that their saviors had arrived. They're saviors, I figured, must have been us.
All of this seemed so wrong to me, sitting here partying. I felt as though we had something important to do. And where were Zoro and Sanji? Weren't they supposed to be doing something? Even if they weren't, they should have been here right now so we could leave this place now that the Prince and Princess were found. And I wanted to be paid. A lot.
Suddenly, all the village went completely silent. I turned around to see that Usopp had quieted them down and since they all thought he was a god, they were all waiting for him to say something. I couldn't help by roll my eyes but what was I supposed to do?
"I think Prince Cornelius has something to say!" he announced.
Prince Cornelius? I turned and looked at the tiny man who as sitting across the table. He straightened his collar and took a deep breath.
"Thank you, Great God and Captain Usopp." He said. "Listen, everyone! It seems to have slipped all of our minds that we must also travel to my village to inform them that I am all right and there is no reason to go to war!"
Oh dear, THAT'S what we were supposed to be doing!
"That's right!" I said frantically. "The Village of Men is probably on their way over here right now!"
I was about the continue, though, but all the women started screaming and crying out in fear so I could hardly get a word in no matter how loud I yelled. "But it's okay!!" I tried, but my attempts were in vain. "Because once they come here and see the prince and princess all right, the war will end before it even starts!"
It was no use trying to get them to calm down. They were already in too much of a panic. Then, all of a sudden, everything stopped and they all turned around. I stood up on a table to see that there was a mob of little men standing at the entrance to the village.
"We have come to sacrifice your Beautiful and Fair Village Leader and Village Representative!" announced one of them.
"No need!" I said, jumping off the table and trying to make my way to where the men were. Everything stopped momentarily until I finally arrived at my destination. "We found the Prince! You don't have to go to war!"
"I'm right here!" Prince Cornelius said, following right up behind me.
"Well good!" exclaimed the mob of tiny men.
"NAMI-SAN!!!" I heard the familiar voice of Sanji. I turned around to see that Sanji was running around in a strange manner punting all of the little men up into the air. Might I also add that he was tied to Zoro who was doing absolutely nothing to stop him. "I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM THESE HORRIBLE TINY MEN!!!"
They were just making matters WORSE!! They had to be thusly smote so I stomped right up to them and, while I didn't SMITE them, I did hit them on the head to they were knocked to the ground.
"WHAT are you doing?!" I demanded.
"What am I doing?!" said Zoro as if he were mortally offended. "I TRIED to get him to stop!"
I didn't believe him. He was just trying to get out of the fact that he was far too lazy to stop Sanji from going crazy. EVERYONE knows that Sanji is mentally unstable and you can't just go and let him do crazy things like that. Cornelius came up to Zoro just then and whispered to him, "Although my heart belongs to Ung, I must say that you are much more beautiful."
I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know. I just wouldn't ask. I just didn't want to know.
And as if the situation couldn't get anymore mentally retarded, Luffy came out of nowhere. I had to leave. I walked off to have some quiet time and exhale some of the stress I had taken on ever since I had become apart of this crew. Why didn't I see it in the first place? No good could come from this little pirate excursion I was on. All I got from it was humiliation.
Those three were probably making a mess of things over there. And WHERE was Usopp?! I swear, I do not belong here. I figured that they were probably starting the war all over again so I decided to go back to the ship and wait for them all to return to me there.
However, to my dismay, upon returning to the boat, I found that it was not there. Hm…our boat. Was not there. No boat.
So, before I could let myself panic, I went on a little hunt for the boat. After a minute, I saw that it had merely drifted out to sea because SOMEBODY hadn't done a good job putting the anchor down. Geez, Zoro has ONE job on the boat… ONE JOB!! And he can't even do that right.
It wasn't very hard to find a boat. Many of the men had come to the Village of Women by sea so I was able to just snatch one and transport it to a secluded location so they would be none the wiser. I sat there basking in my superiority and intelligence for a little while until I remembered that I had to go and find the rest of the crew and bail THEM out, as usual.
So I returned to the Village of Women to find a party! There was a party happening! What was going on? Why was there a party?
"NAMI-SAN!!!" yelled Sanji as he frolicked over to me. I tried to pretend as though I didn't notice him, but he caught up to me rather quickly. "NAMI-SAN!! DANCE WITH ME, NAMI-SAN!!"
"Uh…no thank you, Sanji." I said, trying not to hurt his feelings. I inched away from him and went to a drink table where I retrieved a beverage for myself. No sooner had a done so, but Sanji had returned!
"NAMI-SAN!!" he cheered. "DANCE WITH ME NOW!!"
"NO!!" I said more forcefully. He was OBVIOUSLY extremely drunk so I avoided him the best I could and I found it easier than before because he just continued and continued to drink until he was just a mess over in the corner. I poked him a few times but he was out cold.
I looked around for anyone else to find Usopp just standing there PRETENDING to be doing something.
"We're going to leave soon." I told him. "Let's get out of here during the party so we don't make a big deal about it. There's a little boat over at the river down that path, so take Sanji there and I'll get the other two."
"Why do I have to take Sanji over there?!" whined Usopp obnoxiously.
Since he had whined so obnoxiously, I wasn't going to dignify that question with a REAL answer. "Because I said so." I replied. He groaned and moaned a little bit until he eventually walked off to complete my task.
Then I continued my search for Zoro. Though, he seemed to find me. But as I waited for him to say something, he didn't. So, I took the initiative.
"We're going to be leaving soon." I told him "We're going to try and slip away unnoticed as to not make a big deal about it all."
"I'll meet you at the ship." He said rudely as he pushed by me in a just as rude fashion. I stood there being offended for a minute or two, but then realized that he didn't really care and I was getting nothing out of being offended.
Getting something? Oh that reminds me! I'm still due for my payment for saving the villages! First, I'd talk to Luffy since he was sitting down only about fifty feet away and THEN I would go and get paid!
"Luffy!" I called to him.
"Oh, hi Nami!" said Luffy, waving his arms. "Do you want some meat? I filled Zoro's drum up with meat."
Did I even want to know? I raised an eyebrow at his skeptically, but he took full confidence in what he had just said despite the fact that it didn't particularly make sense. I mean…Zoro has a drum? And it was filled up with meat?
"Uh…right." I said. "We're heading out now. If you just walk down that path, you'll come across a small boat that will take us out to the ship."
"But I'm eating my meat!" he complained.
"Take it with you!" I said, just wanting to get out of there.
"Right!" said Luffy happily. I decided to leave it at that and then search for the Leader of the Men when he called after me, "Aren't you coming, Nami?"
"I have something to take care of first." I answered even though he had no right to ask the question in the first place, but I felt as though he deserved a response for being strangely cooperative. "I'll see you all there in a few minutes!"
I didn't wait for a response and quickly ran off to find the Leader of the Men. He wasn't hard to find because he was dancing with the Leader of the Women…well, I guess it was the FORMER Leader of the Women he was dancing with considering he was NOT dancing with Luffy or Zoro.
At first, I felt rude that I was interrupting their dance but I didn't feel like waiting any longer. "Err…" I began. "I believe… I believe we discussed a payment for saving the village…"
"OF COURSE!!" said the Leader with a chuckle as he beckoned for two men to come with a huge bag over their heads that was surely bigger than the both of them. They dropped it down at my feet and then hurried off to continue with their partying. "I hope this is enough to please you." Said the Village Leader.
"Oh yes, it's FINE!" I said, happily taking the treasure and running off before he could say anything else… like ask me for a dance or something. Now that would just be creepy.
As I rounded the corner, I got many comments on my large bag, but no one offered to jump out and help me carry it.
"What's that?" Usopp asked.
"Just my payment for finding the Prince and Princess and ending the war." I answered, ignoring Luffy who was being annoying as usual.
"Hey, I was the one who found the Prince and Princess and ended the war!" said Usopp angrily.
"We're ALL going to be sharing it!" I assured him even though it was SO untrue. This treasure was all mine. And I knew that he would forget about it soon and he probably knew that too. Zoro started rowing us along and I started to notice that the rims of our boat were pretty low into the water. Bits of water splashed into the boat but I didn't really take head of it and just looked around, waiting for us to reach the ship.
After a minute, I looked down to see that we had taken in a lot more water than I had originally thought and we were only sinking LOWER.
"There's water in the boat!!" I yelled since no one else seemed to notice or care.
"We're too heavy!" said Usopp. "Get rid of the treasure!"
"NEVER!!" I yelled, offended that he had even said something like that.
"All right…get rid of the meat!" Usopp corrected himself.
"NEVER!!!" yelled Luffy in almost a mocking fashion.
"We're SINKING!!" Usopp said even though I had stated it earlier. "Do we have any other deadweight that we can throw overboard?!"
It was silent.
"How about the cook?" Zoro asked.
"YEAH!!" I said without thinking. I was just too wrapped up in keeping us from sinking but also keeping the treasure from being thrown overboard. Part of me knew that Zoro would never throw Sanji into the water, but when I heard a splash, I learned the hard way that he actually had.
"Wait a second!" said Luffy dramatically. "THAT'S MY COOK!!" Being the dumb ass he is, he leapt into the water and didn't resurface. I wasn't about to just dive in, so I looked at Zoro to see that he had already taken it upon himself to do so.
"It was a stupid idea to throw Sanji overboard." I told Usopp.
"It wasn't MY idea!" Usopp said immediately even though I had never even SAID that it was his fault. "YOU'RE the one who agreed to it!"
"I had to protect my treasure!" I said, knowing perfectly well that I had but now irritated that he was making me look bad. "Besides, I didn't see you doing anything to stop it!"
Then, strangely enough, conversation sort of just ended at that point. Usopp began to whistle and I gave him a few glares that told him to stop but he only looked at me, acknowledged my glares and then just continued to whistle as if I had told him that I enjoyed his whistling. Thankfully, Zoro came back to the surface at around that time with Sanji over one arm and Luffy over the other.
"Ah, a beautiful green haired mermaid has saved me!" exclaimed Sanji who was still incredibly drunken but probably was just awakened by the water. Zoro did us ALL a favor and knocked him out again.
Usopp and I hauled Luffy back onto the boat but then I motioned for Usopp to stop as Zoro waited for us to take Sanji. I was noting the rims of the boat and saw that we had stopped taking in water now that Zoro and Sanji's weight were overboard.
"Actually, Zoro, we can't take anymore weight." I told him as he continued to wait for us to pull Sanji up. "This is perfect. If you and Sanji just swim then we won't sink!"
"But he can't swim!" Zoro said. "He's unconscious!"
"Well whose fault is THAT Mr. Mermaid?!" I asked him, putting my hands on my hips.
He knew I was right, so he tried to come up with a different excuse. "How about one of you switch places with him?"
"I have to row!" Usopp declared, grabbing the oars.
"And I'm a lady." I said even though I THOUGHT that Zoro was at least smart enough to know that I'm not supposed to do any manual labor. "And I'm wearing a white shirt!"
Then he responded with the stupidest thing I had ever heard; "So am I."
"You know, Zoro, when a guy wears a tight, wet, white shirt, it's okay! As a matter of fact, it's great!"—I later regretted saying that—"But when a girl wears a tight, wet, white shirt…"
"I get it!!" Zoro said, getting uncomfortable which was exactly my goal so he would stop trying to make me jump out. "But I'm sure you can take Sanji onboard, he doesn't weigh very much!"
It was now time for me to take advantage of my intelligence and Zoro's stupidity. "Are you not tough enough to carry him?" I said.
"What?" he said, looking truly shocked.
I was going to go all out. "Well, here I was THINKING you were a tough guy and I WAS admiring how strong you were to row all by yourself without being fatigued AT ALL, and then go and save Luffy and Sanji but…" I let out a loud, obvious sigh. "I guess it was all an act."
"I don't act."
"Fine, just hand us Sanji, you don't need to carry him if you're tired."
"No. I'm not tired at all. I could carry Sanji AND Luffy if I wanted to. And then I wouldn't get tired." It was working! I'm so smart! I just had to finish it off!
"I don't believe that."
"Well I'll show you then."
And that was that. I told Usopp to start rowing, and he did. Zoro seemed like he was trying to prove himself and actually beat us back to the ship but I wasn't about to argue with him. Though, when I climbed up the ladder, I was a little freaked out that he was standing there waiting for me to come up.
"See?" he said, looking as though he believed he had triumphed. "I'm not tired."
I looked down at Sanji who was lying down on the deck, still unconscious. I couldn't just have him lying there on the deck like that. What if we took a sharp turn or something? What if there was a big wave? He'd be gone…and I didn't very well want to take him back to the room! I just had to utilize Zoro a teeny bit more and then I'll leave him alone. "Oh yes, you're strong all right." I said, doing an obvious eye roll.
"I am." Said Zoro defiantly.
"Well, I suppose you WOULD be, but you couldn't even carry him all the way to his room. That's all right! I can take it from here!"
I knew he would stop me, so I bent over slowly to grab Sanji but, just as I predicted, he grabbed my arm. "YOU don't have to do it." He said, sounding like I couldn't have said anything else to offend him more. He took Sanji's collar and dragged him off to their quarters. Well, I think it was pretty much a job well done as I went back to my room to clean up my maps and change into my pajamas.
I was about to hop in bed and go to sleep when something suddenly occurred to me. My crewmembers had probably all consumed a lot of alcohol, which meant they would all be sleeping VERY deeply tonight. This meant that this was probably the most perfect night to do all of my non-sexual desires on them.
When I was sure everyone was fast asleep, I crept into their sleeping area to find that they were. I sneaked over to Usopp first because I wanted to twang his nose the most out of everyone. I took a deep breath, swallowed hard, counted to three in my head and then flicked his nose. It didn't make even close to the humorous TWANG nose I had been picturing and SO desired but I did feel a certain satisfaction after finally doing so.
And the best part was, he didn't wake up!
Then I went to Sanji. I didn't know how I would possibly go about uncurling his eyebrow. I mean, the only way to do something like that would be to wax it or shave it off completely and I wasn't about to do THAT because that would just be plain mean. So I fiddled with it for a minute or two but nothing really happened and he began to murmur things under his breath and I was afraid that he would be waking up and the last thing I needed was Sanji to wake up while I was fondling his face.
Zoro was next on the list! I didn't know how I would get the green thing off from around his waist, especially without waking him. I stared at it for a minute but when nothing happened, I decided to do something else instead. So I went back to my room and found a green piece of map making paper and cut it up so I could wrap it around my waist. Then I pinned it to my pajamas and walked around with it on for a little while, pretending it was the actual thing.
When I was done, instead of feeding it to a third world country, (since there was none of those in sight) I tossed it off the ship and into the water where it would hopefully wash up on shore of a third world country.
I looked at Luffy who was sleeping soundly on his little seat. I knew I couldn't stretch him around the world while we were on a ship. I would have to do him at some other point in time, and maybe if I asked permission, he would even help me do it. But, at the moment, I was feeling tired after all that excitement so I retired back to my room.
After kissing all my maps goodnight, I got into bed, glad that the day was finally over.