**************************Part 5*****************
What is Angel's problem? I don't know. I feel a little guilty about hurting him, I can see his blood underneath my fingernails... I lie. It felt great to see him in pain! It was ethereal to watch him struggle against me. I really enjoy holding power over him. Maybe that's because I always pictured him as pushing my buttons.
I don't know what I did to deserve his hatred, but I guess it goes both ways. My mind is still trying to process the fact that he just called me a whore and told me that I wasn't Buffy. I guess I don't act like the Buffy he knew and loved. If he even loved me in the first place which I doubt. Hey, at least I got laid. That's a sick way of looking at it, I know.
Looking at him, I can practically see his body healing by searching his eyes. I wish he didn't have those damn healing abilities. It's as if he can just patch himself right up whenever he is hurt or torn. My heart's been breaking for years, but my slayer powers don't let me ignore the pain and move on.
Maybe that's what he did? Maybe his vampire healing put his heart back together after we broke away. Maybe that's the reasons he moved on? I doubt it. If he truly loved me, I'd have known it.
The way his eyes are burning into my soul is scary. He still makes me want to turn to a puddle and fall over from the electricity that buzzes around him.
I'm surprised that I got my voice back so soon. Yep, Slayer powers can heal the physical but never anything more. Sometimes I wish I was a vampire. I want to be empty like I am now, but free to do as I please.
He's started to talk to me now. I guess I should listen. I can see he's afraid to touch me from what I could and will do to him.
"Buffy-"
Why does he say my name like that? Why does his voice float and sparkle and pop and melt into me? I'm trying my best to play the bitch which isn't too hard for me considering all the practice I have. He isn't aloud to see the pain in me.
"I'm sorry."
Did he just apologize? I don't get it? He hates me. I tried to kill Cordy and he's apologizing. Maybe he is trying to save his skin from my attack. He thinks I'll do it again no doubt. He doesn't know me at all if he thinks that. I could never really truly hurt him even if I tried. I guess he still does have all the power.
I won't speak because I know my words will crack as his are doing. Why is his voice cracking anyway? I turn myself to the wall that I know Cordy is on the other side of. Did she just die or something? He's looking at me like something horrible just happened.
"This is all wrong. I- The First-"
So he knows why I'm here and he knows it's wrong. Angel can sense that I don't belong in LA because I should be in Sunnydale fighting demons and saving the world. This is great! They kick me out and he sends me back. I think maybe I should move to Alaska. LA was my hide away before it was his! I think it was at least. Why'd he have to come here in the first place? Why not move to Seattle!?! I know he likes rain. He probably wanted to be close enough to come see me and open all the fresh wounds so he would watch me suffer each time.
DAMN HIM! Damn that cool, muscled chest and built arms. Damn that broad shoulder and sexy tattoo! Damn his toned abs and perfectly sculpted legs. Damn his hair that I could run my hands through all day and play with until my fingers fell off. Damn his eyes that I'm finding myself in. Damn the words that just escaped his mouth. Damn the love he just professed to me that would be undying. Damn his fingers and the tears slipping from under his eyelids.
What did I just think? What? Hold up, rewind.
"I love you Buffy. It was The First. It was playing with me. It was sitting next to you and pretending to be you and I thought you could see it too, but you didn't and- and I know- I'm so stupid!" He's sobbing into his hands now. Oh my God! He just said he loves me. I can feel my body tensing as I swallow the lump in my throat. Pain shoots up my side and he's mumbling now. I can't hear what he's saying, but I know he is speaking more to himself.
"What?" Is he playing with me, trying to hurt me more? I won't cry yet. I wouldn't let him see me tear up if this is another sick game of his.
He's looming up at me again with that scary presense he gets when he cries, and I let his wrap his arms around me. I know I should push him away in his broken state, but it feels so right. It feels like I'm flirting with him which is weird, so maybe I should say it's better-flying.
He's squeezing me like he did the day he started to become himself again after he returned from hell. And the tears are the same ones he wept that day. He's saying my name like a mantra and I can't stop a tear from flowing down my cheeks as he caresses my hair. He always did enjoy playing with it as much as I did his.
"I don't love Cordy, and I know you love Spike but,-"
"Spike? Love Spike? Are you okay?" He thinks I love Spike. Is he crazy? Don't answer that question. Spike is a friend and I care for him, but never like I do for Angel. He's my salvation and here he is holding me and I'm smiling even though I don't fully believe in this yet.
"The First said-" He can't finish so I will for him.
"The First said-it told me about you and Cordy. It said you lost your soul because of her-that you two-" He's squeezing me again and I feel elated and joyful. The First is responsible for this. The First wanted me to suffer and him to suffer. That means The First needs to get rid of us both. It lied to me and tried to get me to hate Angel. It worked for a while...I regrt that now. I must admit that I believed every word it uttered. I guess I hadn't seen Angel in so long that I thought it was true anyway. He didn't even come see me after I came back from hell.
"No, I love you. It's a lie." Now it's me who I hear sobbing. And it's he who is trying to calm me down. It feels so nice to be back in the arms of an Angel.
Suddenly, a voice pulls us away from our reunion. "Well, isn't this sweet."
I know it's The First without looking and I refuse to.
Before I can utter a word out Angel snaps bitterly at it, "Go away! We don't need you. Leave!" His hold on me doesn't loosen and I don't want it to. I can feel that damned chest up against mine.
I guess The First senses that there isn't anything it can do to hurt either of us anymore. It's lost this battle. I can't hear it anymore and I'm glad. This is heaven.
It feels like forever is slipping away, melting down to the most primal entity of time. Angel is moving and I can't stop myself from saying how much I love him over and over. He's positioned himself behind me, as his arms stay wrapped around my body. His chest is warm from being so near mine. Usually when we are this close, I have lust in my thoughts, but right now, the only thing I can think of is how much I've missed being held and yearned to be his again, only him in the possesive sense of the word.
His arms are so much bigger than Spike's. His lips on my neck are so much softer and send shivers down my spine. Spike's never bitten me either. Angels' fangs in my neck feels so much more erotic than Draculla's and I can feel the pleasure running thorough my veins.
"Oh God!" It's coming out of my mouth before I can stop it. He's biting me, drinking form me and I think he's going to kill me. Why do I alwasy get so off topic that I don't notice when the big stuff happens. It's unbelieveable and I can't face the truth now. I was wrong. It was a game and I've lost.
Angel's fangs are fogging my thoughts and breaking through my bandage and into my jugular. He's sucking and nipping fiercely at my pulse point and greedily bringing all of my life into him. I guess it is as good of a way to go as any.
My body feels like passing out. My head is light and my body is arched in the heat of the moment. I'm not trying to struggle away from him. I don't to die, but I guess I don't want to face the fact that he doesn't love me. He doesn't care, and that is what pains me most of all.
The one person I thought was going to be the one I'd live with and care about forever is the one who is killing me for good this time. The sad part is I still love him even as he's pulling out my soul. Why would he want me dead? Doesn't he love me? I don't understand this.
To Be Continued...
Dun Dun Dun...
What is Angel's problem? I don't know. I feel a little guilty about hurting him, I can see his blood underneath my fingernails... I lie. It felt great to see him in pain! It was ethereal to watch him struggle against me. I really enjoy holding power over him. Maybe that's because I always pictured him as pushing my buttons.
I don't know what I did to deserve his hatred, but I guess it goes both ways. My mind is still trying to process the fact that he just called me a whore and told me that I wasn't Buffy. I guess I don't act like the Buffy he knew and loved. If he even loved me in the first place which I doubt. Hey, at least I got laid. That's a sick way of looking at it, I know.
Looking at him, I can practically see his body healing by searching his eyes. I wish he didn't have those damn healing abilities. It's as if he can just patch himself right up whenever he is hurt or torn. My heart's been breaking for years, but my slayer powers don't let me ignore the pain and move on.
Maybe that's what he did? Maybe his vampire healing put his heart back together after we broke away. Maybe that's the reasons he moved on? I doubt it. If he truly loved me, I'd have known it.
The way his eyes are burning into my soul is scary. He still makes me want to turn to a puddle and fall over from the electricity that buzzes around him.
I'm surprised that I got my voice back so soon. Yep, Slayer powers can heal the physical but never anything more. Sometimes I wish I was a vampire. I want to be empty like I am now, but free to do as I please.
He's started to talk to me now. I guess I should listen. I can see he's afraid to touch me from what I could and will do to him.
"Buffy-"
Why does he say my name like that? Why does his voice float and sparkle and pop and melt into me? I'm trying my best to play the bitch which isn't too hard for me considering all the practice I have. He isn't aloud to see the pain in me.
"I'm sorry."
Did he just apologize? I don't get it? He hates me. I tried to kill Cordy and he's apologizing. Maybe he is trying to save his skin from my attack. He thinks I'll do it again no doubt. He doesn't know me at all if he thinks that. I could never really truly hurt him even if I tried. I guess he still does have all the power.
I won't speak because I know my words will crack as his are doing. Why is his voice cracking anyway? I turn myself to the wall that I know Cordy is on the other side of. Did she just die or something? He's looking at me like something horrible just happened.
"This is all wrong. I- The First-"
So he knows why I'm here and he knows it's wrong. Angel can sense that I don't belong in LA because I should be in Sunnydale fighting demons and saving the world. This is great! They kick me out and he sends me back. I think maybe I should move to Alaska. LA was my hide away before it was his! I think it was at least. Why'd he have to come here in the first place? Why not move to Seattle!?! I know he likes rain. He probably wanted to be close enough to come see me and open all the fresh wounds so he would watch me suffer each time.
DAMN HIM! Damn that cool, muscled chest and built arms. Damn that broad shoulder and sexy tattoo! Damn his toned abs and perfectly sculpted legs. Damn his hair that I could run my hands through all day and play with until my fingers fell off. Damn his eyes that I'm finding myself in. Damn the words that just escaped his mouth. Damn the love he just professed to me that would be undying. Damn his fingers and the tears slipping from under his eyelids.
What did I just think? What? Hold up, rewind.
"I love you Buffy. It was The First. It was playing with me. It was sitting next to you and pretending to be you and I thought you could see it too, but you didn't and- and I know- I'm so stupid!" He's sobbing into his hands now. Oh my God! He just said he loves me. I can feel my body tensing as I swallow the lump in my throat. Pain shoots up my side and he's mumbling now. I can't hear what he's saying, but I know he is speaking more to himself.
"What?" Is he playing with me, trying to hurt me more? I won't cry yet. I wouldn't let him see me tear up if this is another sick game of his.
He's looming up at me again with that scary presense he gets when he cries, and I let his wrap his arms around me. I know I should push him away in his broken state, but it feels so right. It feels like I'm flirting with him which is weird, so maybe I should say it's better-flying.
He's squeezing me like he did the day he started to become himself again after he returned from hell. And the tears are the same ones he wept that day. He's saying my name like a mantra and I can't stop a tear from flowing down my cheeks as he caresses my hair. He always did enjoy playing with it as much as I did his.
"I don't love Cordy, and I know you love Spike but,-"
"Spike? Love Spike? Are you okay?" He thinks I love Spike. Is he crazy? Don't answer that question. Spike is a friend and I care for him, but never like I do for Angel. He's my salvation and here he is holding me and I'm smiling even though I don't fully believe in this yet.
"The First said-" He can't finish so I will for him.
"The First said-it told me about you and Cordy. It said you lost your soul because of her-that you two-" He's squeezing me again and I feel elated and joyful. The First is responsible for this. The First wanted me to suffer and him to suffer. That means The First needs to get rid of us both. It lied to me and tried to get me to hate Angel. It worked for a while...I regrt that now. I must admit that I believed every word it uttered. I guess I hadn't seen Angel in so long that I thought it was true anyway. He didn't even come see me after I came back from hell.
"No, I love you. It's a lie." Now it's me who I hear sobbing. And it's he who is trying to calm me down. It feels so nice to be back in the arms of an Angel.
Suddenly, a voice pulls us away from our reunion. "Well, isn't this sweet."
I know it's The First without looking and I refuse to.
Before I can utter a word out Angel snaps bitterly at it, "Go away! We don't need you. Leave!" His hold on me doesn't loosen and I don't want it to. I can feel that damned chest up against mine.
I guess The First senses that there isn't anything it can do to hurt either of us anymore. It's lost this battle. I can't hear it anymore and I'm glad. This is heaven.
It feels like forever is slipping away, melting down to the most primal entity of time. Angel is moving and I can't stop myself from saying how much I love him over and over. He's positioned himself behind me, as his arms stay wrapped around my body. His chest is warm from being so near mine. Usually when we are this close, I have lust in my thoughts, but right now, the only thing I can think of is how much I've missed being held and yearned to be his again, only him in the possesive sense of the word.
His arms are so much bigger than Spike's. His lips on my neck are so much softer and send shivers down my spine. Spike's never bitten me either. Angels' fangs in my neck feels so much more erotic than Draculla's and I can feel the pleasure running thorough my veins.
"Oh God!" It's coming out of my mouth before I can stop it. He's biting me, drinking form me and I think he's going to kill me. Why do I alwasy get so off topic that I don't notice when the big stuff happens. It's unbelieveable and I can't face the truth now. I was wrong. It was a game and I've lost.
Angel's fangs are fogging my thoughts and breaking through my bandage and into my jugular. He's sucking and nipping fiercely at my pulse point and greedily bringing all of my life into him. I guess it is as good of a way to go as any.
My body feels like passing out. My head is light and my body is arched in the heat of the moment. I'm not trying to struggle away from him. I don't to die, but I guess I don't want to face the fact that he doesn't love me. He doesn't care, and that is what pains me most of all.
The one person I thought was going to be the one I'd live with and care about forever is the one who is killing me for good this time. The sad part is I still love him even as he's pulling out my soul. Why would he want me dead? Doesn't he love me? I don't understand this.
To Be Continued...
Dun Dun Dun...