Usopp's Day
I knew I should have gone up to take Zoro's place in the crow's nest but from way up there, there was absolutely no way he knew that his shift had been over for almost an hour. I intended to prolong it for as long as possible as I walked around, working on small tasks that I should have finished the day before. But when it got to the point in which I thought he saw me, I decided not to push it anymore than I already was because it was better to just take my watch as opposed to facing the wrath of Zoro.
We didn't exchange any words as I took his place but he looked agitated so I wasn't going to press conversation. After I got myself comfortable, I saw off in the distance a small bit of land that I wondered how Zoro had possibly missed but I knew it was my duty to inform the crew that there was land.
"LAND!!!" I yelled as loudly as I could as I shimmied down the mast and ran over to the front of the boat. I'm real good at shimmying. I rival God at shimmying. I rival God at just about everything.
Luffy was the first to arrive. "YAAAAAAY!!!" he cheered as he jumped high in the air and then continued to cheer and jump around.
Then Sanji entered and said something mildly strange; "It DOES exist, I knew it!" he yelled.
Well, of course land existed. I've been on it. He's been on it. I thought Sanji was smarter than that. "Was there any doubt that it didn't exist?" said Usopp.
"Of course there's been doubt." Said Sanji as if I had accused him of something. I decided to just ignore that since it was early so he was probably just still half asleep.
Nami then emerged from her room with a map in hand. "Oh, we're at the island—"
"GOOD MORNING NAMI-SAN!!!" yelled Sanji as he jumped around almost as happily as Luffy.
She rolled her eyes and smiled politely. "So anyway, we're approaching island Silver River." She explained as she pointed things out on the map. "It's a warring island."
"Warring?" I asked.
"Yes." Said Nami. "There are two villages. The Village of Men and the Village of Women. The men are extremely conniving and intelligent whereas the women are amazingly strong. The two villages can never really seem to get along." She shrugged. "And that's that."
"The explaining Nami-san is so CHARMING!!" Sanji exclaimed.
Nami sighed heavily. I was going to tell Sanji to go and make himself useful but Luffy did instead even though I was going to because I really was going to cause it's not like I'm afraid of Sanji or his kicking or anything. "I'm HUNGRY!!" Luffy yelled. "Make me something!"
"Not right now." Sanji replied.
"Yes, Sanji, why don't you go and make breakfast?" Nami said.
"With love, Nami-san!!" Sanji cheered as he frolicked into the kitchen. Nami gave a sigh of relief and I knew she had just done that to get rid of him, which I couldn't blame her.
I wondered what I could do to fill my time until we docked. "Are we going to dock there?" I asked Nami.
"Not really," Nami answered. "There's no reason to. We can just pick up a few supplies and then head on our way."
"But I want to dock on the island." Whined Luffy who was, contrary to popular belief, still there. So I went off to go and steer the boat in the island since steering is fun and I'm definitely the best at it out of everyone else. Even God. So, with my superior steering skills, we easily maneuvered into a good place to dock our boat. However, the anchor still needed to be put down and, even though I could have done it myself, I knew that Zoro had to feel as though he contributed to the crew so I went off to find him.
For some strange reason, the first place I looked was the kitchen. Maybe Zoro was hungry. I don't know. But that's the first place I looked.
"Zoro…?" I began as I poked my head in only to see Sanji beginning to spaz out over something.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" he yelled, practically pulling his hair out. "Nami-san's special drink!! It's ruined!! I'll have to start all over!! I can't believe this has happened to Nami-san's special drink! How could I have possibly been so very careless?!"
I wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could so I scouted the area, didn't spot Zoro, and left before Sanji took his anger out on me. Even though I could have fended him off. I didn't want to harm him.
"Nami, I can't find Zoro." I said even though I had only really looked in one place. But how was she supposed to know that? As far as she knew, I searched the whole ship. And I did, actually. Twice.
"Why are you looking for him?" asked Nami.
"Because he's supposed to put down the anchor." I answered. "Plus, he didn't help at all while we were docking."
Just then, Zoro came around the corner yelling out an extremely fake and really loud yawn. That yawn obviously annoyed Nami because before I could yell at him, she did.
"Where were you?!" she demanded. "We've been doing all this work while you've just been sleeping!!"
We stood there in silence. Zoro didn't really say anything. Or move for that matter. He only…stood there.
"So what are you waiting for?!" she yelled. "Put the anchor down!!"
He went over and performed that task as if it was nothing. But it probably wasn't. I could lift that anchor easily. Two of them. If we needed two.
"I made some special drinks!" I heard Sanji announce. I turned around to see Sanji holding a platter of drinks since he had clearly just made them. I hope he threw away the 'ruined' one.
"Sanji!" said Nami. "Where were YOU while we were landing and doing all that work?!"
"Nami-sa~~~n!" said Sanji as his eyes turned into big pulsing hearts and his cigarette puffed out little heart shaped puffs of smoke. "I made you a drink!"
"That doesn't answer my question!" Nami pointed out.
"The angry Nami-san is so charming!!" Sanji yelled. I wondered how a man could possibly be so shameless.
It was then that I noticed Luffy's arm stretch by. Then, Luffy and Zoro were launched toward the island. I watched them soar through the air for a moment and then decided to disregard it all together because as long as I didn't have to go, I didn't care. Besides, Sanji and Nami probably knew where they were going so I didn't want to look stupid.
I turned back to accept my special drink from Sanji but then noticed that he began to chug one of them. Then another. And when he went to the third one, I knew he wasn't going to stop unless I stopped him.
"Sanji, why are you drinking all those?" I asked, hoping to stop him. "I'll have one."
"Uh…sure." Said Sanji as he handed me one of the drinks. I got the impression that he had made all of them for himself so I wondered if I had any place to take one, but I tried not to let it bother me as I drank it.
"Where are Zoro and Luffy?" Sanji asked randomly, entirely changing the subject.
"I'm sure they're around the boat somewhere." Nami replied.
"No, I saw them go over to the island." I said.
"WHAT?!" screamed Nami. This clued me in that perhaps she DIDN'T notice that Zoro and Luffy and flew to the island a few minutes ago. "We have to go to shore and get them."
"Why?" I asked but I wasn't scared or anything. "I thought you said we were just going to pass by this island after getting supplies."
"That's why we have to go and pick them up!" Sanji said. "Right, Nami-san?"
"What about the amazingly strong women and hideously conniving men?" I reminded her. As NOT afraid as I was, I still didn't want to have to go to shore with a bunch of…amazingly strong women and hideously conniving men.
"Whatever Nami-san says, goes!" Sanji declared, getting way too close for comfort that I could actually feel his cigarette burning my handsome nose.
We ended up disembarking even though I really didn't want to. But, I had to set a good example for my crew since I was the captain and all.
"Do you think Zoro and Luffy went to the Men's Village or the Women's Village?" said Nami as she opened her map.
"They have separate villages?" said Sanji, getting his stupid heart eyes again. He's such a womanizer. "Let's visit the Women's village! I bet they're there! That's where I would go!"
"Well, if we were looking for you then we'd definitely look there." Nami said, rolling her eyes. Even though I was the captain, I let Nami lead the way so that she could feel important. After all, I'm a kind person like that and can't always take all the glory. Otherwise, I would always be glorified.
Even though I had originally assumed that we were going to the Village of Women, we passed a sign that said 'Welcome to the Village of Men'.
"Nami-san!" complained Sanji as he fidgeted around unhappily. "This is the Village of Men!"
"I know." Nami responded. "If we were to run into hostile natives, would you rather attack a man or a woman?"
"A man of course." Sanji replied. "Why?" He would probably NEVER attack a woman, especially a beautiful one. Or an amazingly strong one. Even though I could easily take one on.
"Because, of the three of us, you're the only one who can attack and I don't need you melting over a woman instead of attacking her if she tries to kill us!" Nami said.
But that was entirely untrue!! I could attack just fine and I had all my bombs and my slingshot since I always come prepared! "I resent that!" I said. "I would attack any woman!" From Nami's lack of reply, I assumed that she thought of me as the trump card who would sweep in and save everyone when Sanji failed. 'When'. Not 'If'.
The village was…small. It was a village for Smurfs or something. "What's up with these tiny houses?" I asked.
Just then, the doors to the tiny houses flung open a bunch of little teeny men with laser guns emerged. These men were about three foot nothing and were dressed in futuristic type clothes. I jumped behind Nami so I could… er… cover her back just in case any of them were behind her.
"Don't move!" yelled one of the men.
"How dare you point that gun at Nami-san!" Sanji scolded them, shaking his finger at one of them.
"We will shoot!" said another one.
"You wouldn't shoot the representatives from the Women's Village!" said Nami. She was obviously trying to think of a way to keep them from shooting.
Representatives? Ha! I could think of MUCH better! "Yes, we are GODS in the Women's Village!!" I said as I jumped out from behind Nami and struck a pose.
Just then, another man who was just as small as the rest while also wearing a crown approached us. "Yes…we can see that you are women." He said. Obviously, my plan had worked perfectly. "We know this because you all are very large."
"Nami-san is NOT fat!" said Sanji foolishly. He was really only making the situation worse.
"Just ignore her." Said Nami as she elbowed him before I could clobber him. I would have. And he wouldn't have gotten up for a week.
"Nami-san, I know they may be confused on our genders but you know very well that I am a man." Said Sanji as he CONTINUED to blow our cover. "Now let's leave and go to the Village of Women."
"Have you come from the Village of Women to aid us in our search for the Prince and the Princess?" asked the Leader of the Men, obviously not hearing or just plain ignoring Sanji.
"No." said Nami. "What happened?"
"To end the warring of our two villages, we decided that we would just become one village." Explained the leader. "We were going to marry my son to the other leader's daughter and become citizens of one village. But, yesterday, both my son and her daughter disappeared. This angered both villages and we have declared a fight to the death until the Prince and Princess are returned home and wed!"
"Could they have run away?" asked Nami. "What if they didn't want an arranged marriage?"
"It is impossible." Said the leader. "You see, it was my son's idea in the first place."
"Maybe we could help you!" said Nami.
"Hey Nami-san, Mr. Prince is back." Said Sanji suddenly.
Nami turned and looked at Sanji angrily. Then she proceeded to beat on him to shut him up.
Then she looked back at the men. "We'll help you…but for a price!" she said. I knew it was strange that she was being so willing to help for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
"Whatever you want, we'll give you." Said the Village Leader. "Even though we have more intelligence and technology than the women, when it comes to brute strength, they vastly outweigh us. Literally."
Nami discussed with the Village Leader the price for…quite a while actually. It got to the point where I was becoming very bored and might have potentially left to go and explore this new little village we were in but she abruptly turned around when her negotiations were done.
"All right, we're going to go and find that Prince and Princess!" she declared.
"The determined Nami-san is so charming!!" yelled Sanji.
"Where do we start looking?" I asked Nami, trying to ignore Sanji.
"At the Village of Women!" Nami answered, reaching for her map again. "It's not too far. We're just going to go there and talk to them."
We began our journey to the Village of Women. I decided to check my inventory to make sure I was all ready and stocked up when a battle occurred since I was the vital trump card. However, I stumbled across an apron. A pink apron. Someone had put a pink apron in my bag. Hm…I wonder who it was? Could it have possibly been the only one who has a pink apron on our ship? He probably thought that I wouldn't care. I was going to tell him to carry it himself, but I figured that I had a bag anyway so there wasn't any point. Plus, it's not like it weighed a lot anyway.
"How much further until we get to that village?" I asked.
"Oh!" said Nami, which told me that she had just remembered something important that she had originally intended to tell us but didn't end up doing that for one reason or another. "That reminds me. Maybe I should tell you that the women of this island are a little more hostile than the men and are less likely to listen to reason."
"Nami-san…they pulled guns on us and called you fat." Said Sanji. "And you are not fat."
Nami paused and looked at Sanji. Then she faced us both again, so I guess she was just making sure he wasn't going to continue. "Meaning…you two should probably hide while I speak with them." She finished.
Just then, we passed by a sign that said 'Welcome to Village of Woman' written sloppily while spelling a few words wrong.
"But Nami-san, I want to see these absurdly strong women." Sanji said.
"You'll have to see them from your hiding place then." Nami replied as she pointed to a small bush.
"YES OF COURSE NAMI-SA~~~N!!" cheered Sanji as he jumped behind the bush. I got behind it as well. Not because I was scared or anything, just because Nami had advised it and I KNEW she had a plan and I didn't want it to go wrong. Not that I'd make it go wrong but I had to… uh… make sure that Sanji didn't do anything stupid!
The women of the village were much larger and more hideous than I had thought they would be. I knew Sanji was surprised, too, because he said; "They are a petrifying sight." Just so he wouldn't feel stupid, I agreed with him even though I was BY FAR the opposite of afraid of them. I could have easily taken all of them on with one hand tied behind my back with a blindfold on and everything.
Nami returned after discussing some stuff with the large women. "They sent their leaders off to the Village of Men a little while ago," she whispered. "Over in this direction." She began to hurry off but NOT going even in the general vague area where the Village of Men was.
"But that's not the direction we came from!" I told her as I followed.
"I know." She answered. "But we have to catch up with them before they do anything hostile to the Village of Men!"
"The caring Nami-san is so CHARMING!!!" Sanji exclaimed as he frolicked happily with a big dopey grin on his face.
"Thank you, Sanji." Nami said with a frustrated expression.
I followed Nami, though I didn't know exactly why we were doing this in the first place. I mean, it's not like it benefited us in any way to stop a war between a tribe of humungous women and a tribe of tiny men. I made it clear that I didn't believe we should be bothering with this and just find Luffy and Zoro and go back to the ship, but it didn't appear as though I was being listened to. Just then I was going to scold my crew for ignoring their captain, we were suddenly attacked by Zoro.
Luckily, I was able to fend him off and protect Nami and Sanji who were both terrified. And, Nami made sure that we all knew the extent of her horror when she started screaming at Zoro for directing anything pointy at her.
She suddenly turned and began speaking to Sanji. I didn't know why she did that, but I decided to question Luffy (who was also there) on what he was doing.
"What are you all doing out here anyway?" I asked him.
"I'm the captain so I should be the one asking you all that question!" he said. Even though I knew very well that I was really the captain, sometimes I had to play along with Luffy so he wouldn't do anything reckless.
"We're looking for the Village Leaders of the Village of Women." I told him.
"Oh!" said Luffy as if he had just realized something important. "That's us."
I didn't know quite how to react to this considering we had been on the island for an hour… MAYBE an hour and a half. How could they have possibly become the village leaders of a village complied strictly of women twice their size? Unless they had been here before, which didn't seem likely, I couldn't fathom why they would possibly hold such a title.
"YOU TWO are the village leaders?" said Nami, taking the words right out of my mouth. "How? WHY?"
"Uh, no, just Luffy, not me." Zoro said.
"No, we both worked TOGETHER to beat the large women!" Luffy said.
"So you beat up the women and they made you their leaders?" Nami said, continue to say what I didn't.
"Well, I guess that settles it then." Said Sanji. "You two can just tell them not to rage war against the Village of Men." I had thought of that plan a long time ago. I didn't tell him because sometimes you have to give them that extra boost of confidence so they don't get discouraged. The crew, I mean. That's one of the captain's many jobs. All of which I perform excellently.
"But the Village of Men is the one that's raging war against US!" Luffy said.
"Don't say US!" Zoro said since the fact that Luffy considered himself a Village Leader seemed to offend him. "You're not REALLY part of their village!"
"I'm their leader!" Luffy said.
"Whatever it is, just tell them not to go to war." Nami said. "And that's another conflict solved."
There was one thing that still irked me. This whole war was supposed to be about the missing Prince and Princess so that meant that there was a gigantic woman and a midget man somewhere lost or kidnapped. "What about the prince and princess?" I said and then regretted it a second later. We could have left and gone back to the ship right then and there but now that I had introduced this other conflict, the others were pondering about this and finally came to the conclusion that it was our duty to find the Prince and Princess.
"We were just going to the Village of Men and DEMAND that they return the princess back home!" Luffy declared.
"But we just came from the Village of Men and they have the same problem." Nami said.
"What problem?" Luffy asked.
"THEY don't know where the Prince and Princess are either." Nami explained.
I knew it was all up to me to think of our next plan of action. I thought and thought…if I were an evil kidnapper who was bent on putting the two villages at war and kidnapped their prince and princess… where would I hide them?
I looked around at my surroundings and then up to see that we stood right before a giant mountain. Now, if I were a kidnapper, I would definitely keep my prisoners up on a mountain. "With our luck, they'll probably be at the top of that mountain." I said.
At first, I thought that no one had heard me, but then Luffy seemed to agree. "I bet they are!" he declared as he reached his arm towards the mountain and seemed to grab a hold of it. At first, I wasn't sure what was going on, but when he suddenly grabbed onto all of us and catapulted us towards the mountain, I realized that he was following my plan and going up there to search for the prince and princess.
I'm not sure what was going through my head at that point because I began to struggle to get free of Luffy. In the end, I succeeded but I ended up just plummeting to my most certain doom.
Luckily for me, I didn't have far to fall since we were partially over the mountain anyway so I landed about halfway up to the top. I'm not saying it was FUN or a COMFORTABLE landing, but it was certainly better than tumbling down the entire mountain.
After recovering from what COULD have been fatal wounds if it wasn't me sustaining them, I studied my new environment. I appeared to be on a path that was slanted slightly, going around and around the mountain until it finally reached the top. We seemed to encounter many mountains such as this one so I wasn't all THAT surprised.
Considering that the rest of my team was at the top of the mountain, I knew I would have to climb it to be reunited. It's not like it was a tough climb, though, because I was walking on a path that hardly sloped at all until I would finally reach the top. They must have been worried about me so I decided to hurry my way up and no matter how long it may take me, I couldn't very well let them down by NOT arriving and explaining our next plan of action.
I didn't walk for longer than five minutes before suddenly hearing a noise coming from around the bend. My first instinct was to run away, but not because I was scared. Only because… uh… I didn't feel like killing anything right then…
Instead, I peeked my head around the rock to see a sight that I had certainly never even come close to expecting. I saw a gigantic teenage woman and a tiny teenage man engaged in the most passionate of kissing I had ever seen in my entire life.
No one would want to look at that, so I turned my head away and was about to start creeping DOWN the mountain when something occurred to me. "Maybe they are the Prince and Princess!" I said out loud, but still to myself. They had probably just escaped their lives as royalty to get a little bit of… er… alone time. They probably didn't realize that their villages had declared war, blaming each other for the disappearance of their appointed child.
I didn't know quite how to interrupt them. "Uh…" I stuttered and they both looked up and gasped in horrible surprise.
"Who are you?!" demanded the tiny man. "You are too small to be a woman but far too large to be a man!"
"I'm uh…I'm a special subspecies of man!" I tried to explain. "…Very god-like!"
"Me scared!" cried the large woman.
"I've just come to tell you that your villages are going to rage war because of your disappearances." I said, figuring that the best way to end this was to get right to the point.
"How can this be?" said the man. But then he stood there, not doing anything about it.
"Well…" I began.
"We must figure out a way to persuade them not to go to war…" the man said, scratching his chin.
"I'm sure if you just went back then…" I started.
"Oh, by the way, my name is Cornelius." Said the man, reaching out his hand to shake mine. I had to practically bend over to shake his. "It's a great honor to meet a god-like subspecies of my own."
"I can see how you would be honored by my presence." I said. "I am the great Captain and God Usopp."
"Me Ung." Said the woman.
"Yes, your long nose clued me in that you are not human." The man continued, even though he could have stopped right then and there and I would have been perfectly happy. "Perhaps all gods have noses such as yours. Do you know?"
"The Great Captain and God Usopp says: NO!" I answered. "Only the most God-like of all the gods is permitted to have such a long and handsome nose!"
"What a privilege it is to meet you!" said Cornelius.
"Yes, yes," I said. "But I am angered by your actions! You must return to your villages at once!"
"If the Great God and Captain Usopp says, so it must be." Said Cornelius. "Come, Ung, we must return for the wedding."
That all seemed WAY too easy. Why had they run away in the first place when they were getting married ANYWAY? There was no reason for sneaking away. But I guess not everything has to be difficult.
"Me show you fastest way down mountain!" said Ung as she grabbed Cornelius and I and then jumped off the edge. I ended up plummeting down a great distance anyway, even if it had been temporarily delayed. We landed on the ground and created a big crater, shaking the world as we landed.
"Oh, Ung, you are by far the strongest woman in the Village!" said Cornelius as Ung put us both down.
"Cornelius embarrass Ung!" said Ung, blushing.
I felt as though I was constantly repeating myself. "We should return to the villages now." I said once again.
"Yes, we must stop this war before it happens!" declared Cornelius.
With Ung leading the way and knocking over anything that may have gotten in our path, we got to the village in no time. The Village of Women was much closer and it was Ung's native village so I could only assume that that's why we were there as opposed to… oh I don't know… the Village of Men?
I entered the village and struck a pose for all to see. "I HAVE FOUND THE PRINCE AND PRINCESS!!!" I declared.
Then I took a good look at what was going on. Pretty much the entire village was dressed in battle garb with their huge, blunt weapons. Apparently, they must have been on their way to the Village of Men.
They stared at us quizzically for a moment until one of the women stepped forward. "Ung!" she said happily. "We so happy to see you!"
"Yes, all thanks to Usopp." She said, pointing at me.
"Uh, that's the Great God and Captain Usopp," I corrected.
"All hail Usopp!" said all the women as they got down on the ground and started bowing to me. Even though I was slightly perturbed that they were calling me ONLY Usopp, I couldn't help but take it all in because they were bowing to me after all. While they bowed, though, I could make out Nami and Luffy running around all the large women and towards me.
"How did you find them?!" Nami demanded as if she were angry.
"Easy!" I answered. "I used my superb navigational and tracking skills to cleverly deduct their most likely position and then went to that very spot and, just as I predicted, they were there!"
"WOW!!" yelled Luffy. "THAT'S AMAZING!!! WOW!! WOW!!"
I couldn't help but laugh a little under my breath but just couldn't ignore the skeptical look on Nami's face, either. "What, I FOUND them didn't I?" I said since she seemed, for some reason, mad at me. "They're here aren't they? I don't see what the problem is!"
"There's no problem." Nami answered with a sigh as she crossed her arms.
Oh well, I can't always know what she's thinking.
"This call for big feast!!" declared one of the women as they all stood up. She then turned to Luffy. "It okay, Village Leader?"
"Fine with me!" Luffy agreed.
"It okay, God Usopp?" the woman asked, looking at me. "Grand feast in your honor!!"
"Of COURSE it's all right!" I said graciously.
"YOU'RE A GOD?!" Luffy said with THE most excited expression I have ever seen on anyone in my entire life. "THAT'S AMAZING!!!"
"Didn't you know?" I said, laughing out loud now.
The women threw away their weapons of mass destruction and instead pulled out their musical instruments and various fruits and exotic foods and even a few scented candles which didn't make very much sense to me. Nami, Luffy and I were made the guests of honor for various reasons. Me, because I was a god. Luffy, because he was the Village Leader. And Nami, because she was a woman, yet she was very tiny and that simply amazed them to the point in which it was kind of pathetic.
I don't know about Nami and Luffy, but I certainly had a grand ol' time. Actually, I DID know that Luffy was having a grand time because he was constantly expressing that to us, making sure that we were aware. He was also walking around with an enormous drum in his hands and a bunch of drumsticks in his mouth which…seemed odd… but this was Luffy so it wasn't THAT weird. Nami, on the other hand, seemed to be pouting so that she could intentionally prevent herself from having a grand time.
All of a sudden, Cornelius rose up in his seat and tried to get everyone's attention. He could hardly see over the table, even with his booster seat, so he got up on top of the table and started waving his arms around and yelling.
I enjoyed watching him struggle to get attention, but I figured that whatever he had to say might have been important so an intervention was in order! I stood up and cleared my throat and the village fell completely silent as everyone inhabitant was hanging on my every word.
"I think Prince Cornelius has something to say!" I announced.
As soon as I did, the village erupted with cheers, happy by the mere fact that I had spoken to them. I suppose I would be happy as well if a God had come to me and began speaking to me. Although, I'll never really know what they will be like considering I am practically just like a God so a God would never have to speak to me.
"Thank you, Great God and Captain Usopp." Said Cornelius after the cheers had died down. "Listen, everyone! It seems to have slipped all of our minds that we must also travel to my village to inform them that I am all right and there is no reason to go to war!"
"That's right!" said Nami, slamming her hands down on the table. "The Village of Men is probably on their way over here right now!"
The women screamed and ran around in a panic and an extremely unorganized fashion.
"But it's okay!!" Nami tried to scream over the ruckus. "Because once they come here and see the prince and princess all right, the war will end before it even starts!"
The three of us ATTEMPTED to bring order to the village. Actually, it was really only me and Nami. I don't know what Luffy was doing. He was just sitting there as if specifically refusing to do ANYTHING.
Suddenly, we heard a deep voice rumble through the air, "We have come to sacrifice your Beautiful and Fair Village Leader and Village Representative!"
Everyone stopped and turned around. There was a giant mass of tiny men, probably the entire village, standing there with their laser guns raised. I also noticed that they had Zoro and Sanji tied up in a cage and I KNEW that if Zoro and Sanji were unable to defeat them then there was certainly no hope for me no matter how god-like I may be! So that was my cue to pretty much bow out without being noticed by anyone…but especially Nami.
I dove into the forest and hid behind a bush, observing from the outside. It's not like I was afraid or anything because I most definitely could have had absolutely no trouble defeating the tiny men but uh…I had just eaten and I didn't want to get any cramps!!
Stuff happened, but I couldn't really tell from where I was because they were all out of earshot. But there was a lot of talking, punting and then standing around. Pretty soon, Everyone was happy and partying and I started to wonder what I had possibly missed while I had just been…waiting for my food to digest. But I suppose they didn't need me after all but I had still been their inspiration.
"NO NEED TO THANK ME!!!" I declared, jumping out of the bush. "All I want is for you to remember the name; USOPP!!"
Even though I had specifically told them not to thank me, a few women did anyway…as well as a few men as well. And so did Luffy.
Then there was more drinking and eating. And you know, Sanji never struck me as the kind to just chug drink after drink until he was just drunken out of his gourd but he was over there. Doing that. He even had them all lined up in front of them. I always saw him as the type that would say, "No thank you, I'll stick with my single glass of fine wine." And then take a dainty little sip out of his fancy glass.
But I figured I would just ignore him and have my OWN share of drinking even though I was technically UNDER the drinking age. And, since I was getting bored with just being with myself, I figured I would go and strike up a nice conversation with my good friend Zoro! I could always look to him since he was such a nice guy. I feel as though, out of everyone in my crew, I hold him with the most respect! It's almost as if he's the only one I see eye to eye with.
Just as I walked over to him, he held a sword up to me. At first, I thought he was kidding around because maybe he had been drinking too. But no, he was standing there looking ridiculously furious and red faced, sweating, teeth clenched, breathing deeply and he even had a little vein on his forehead that was just…pulsating.
I never really got along with Zoro so I quickly walked away from him. His temper was just a little over the edge for me and I couldn't see myself ever being friends with him.
I was gonna go and…I don't know…do stuff…but Nami came up to me. "We're going to leave soon." She said. "Let's get out of here during the party so we don't make a big deal about it. There's a little boat over at the river down that path,"--she pointed down a path—"So take Sanji there and I'll get the other two."
"Why do I have to take Sanji over there?!" I said, only AFTER realizing that I had just whined quite obnoxiously.
"Because I said so." Nami answered.
I couldn't argue with THAT logic. So I walked over to Sanji, who had drunken himself into unconsciousness, and lifted him up with only one hand and began walking down the path to where the river was. I hadn't walked very far when Zoro suddenly came up behind me and begged to carry Sanji for me. He was probably trying to apologize to me for his earlier attack so I wasn't going to turn him down so I allowed Zoro to struggle along while he dragged Sanji all the way to where a boat was. There were no other boats around, so I assumed that this must have been the one that Nami had gotten for us.
I got in, Zoro tossed Sanji in and then got in himself. We sat there for a moment in awkward silence so I started whistling.
"Hey, stop that." Said Zoro.
"This is no way to apologize to me!" I said.
"What?" Zoro asked.
"Admit it, if I hadn't been so limber then you surely would have taken my head off!" I told him.
He didn't say anything for a minute. He was probably contemplating his wrong doings. "What?" he said suddenly.
Before I could scold him for attacking me and then NOT apologizing, Luffy suddenly came out of nowhere still carrying his drum except now it was filled with meat. He also had a tiny little guitar too.
"Zoro, you forgot your ukulele." He said. I wasn't even going to ask. Zoro seemed to just be ignoring him as Luffy jumped in and the weight of the meat in his giant drum weighed the boat down in the water slightly. Then we all waited for a while until Nami came down the path, dragging a giant bag that seemed, at a first glance, to be even bigger than she was.
"What's that?" I asked.
"IT'S SO BIG!!!" screamed Luffy. "THAT'S AMAZING!!!"
"Just my payment for finding the Prince and Princess and ending the war." Nami replied.
"Hey, I was the one who found the Prince and Princess and ended the war!" I said, feeling somewhat offended that she was being compensated for my hard work.
"We're ALL going to be sharing it!" said Nami as she dropped the bag into the boat and then got in herself. The boat creaked under all the new weight as Zoro grabbed the two oars and took it upon himself to row for us. Well, since Zoro went and grabbed both oars then he CLEARLY didn't need me to do anything even though I would have, and probably would have done a better job than him at that.
We rowed until we were pretty far out to sea, about half way to where our boat was. Then I started wondering…hadn't we docked at the island? Where did this little boat come from?
I was about to ask Nami, but she suddenly shrieked. "There's water in the boat!!" she screamed. I looked down and then had a new thing to wonder about. How is it that I was ankle deep in water and just did not notice it before? It was probably because I was distracted with other wonders.
"We're too heavy!" I announced. "Get rid of the treasure!"
"NEVER!!" yelled Nami.
I was a fool for going there… "All right…get rid of the meat!" I corrected myself as I went to throw the drum out of the boat.
"NEVER!!!" yelled Luffy as he protectively dove on top of his drum.
"We're SINKING!!" I reminded them all. "Do we have any other deadweight that we can throw overboard?!"
It was silent.
"How about the cook?" Zoro asked.
"YEAH!!" said Nami and Luffy as Zoro tossed Sanji overboard.
"Wait a second!" said Luffy, standing up. "THAT'S MY COOK!!" And then Luffy jumped into the water and, of course, didn't come back up.
Zoro let out a loud groan and then jumped into the water as well. Then it was just me and Nami in the boat for a while.
"It was a stupid idea to throw Sanji overboard." Said Nami suddenly.
"It wasn't MY idea!" I said defensively. "YOU'RE the one who agreed to it!"
"I had to protect my treasure!" Nami answered as if that was really any sort of argument at all. "Besides, I didn't see you doing anything to stop it!"
We waited for a moment so I started whistling again. Long, awkward silences annoy me. And even though my whistling was obviously annoying Nami, my little pet peeves were much more important. But suddenly, water splashed up and there was Zoro with both Sanji AND Luffy! Oh, he didn't have to do that. He could have just gotten one of them and then…er…tagged me and I would have jumped in and saved the other one. But, since he got them both, there was no need to do so.
Sanji was conscious again because he said something, but him being conscious seemed to offend Zoro since he just hit Sanji to knock him unconscious again. I didn't see the sense in THAT.
We pulled Luffy up on the boat and I turned around to help pull Sanji up but Nami put her hand out to stop me. "Actually, Zoro, we can't take anymore weight." Nami told Zoro. "This is perfect. If you and Sanji just swim then we won't sink!"
I looked at the rims of the boat to see that they were now reasonably above water without Zoro and Sanji's weight.
"But he can't swim!" said Zoro. "He's unconscious!"
I was about to point out the fact that Zoro had been the one to knock him unconscious, but instead, Nami said, "Well whose fault is THAT Mr. Mermaid?!" Mr. Mermaid was an…interesting insult. I didn't catch WHY. But Zoro didn't seem all that offended. Probably because it came out of nowhere. Or maybe it's some kind of 'Before Usopp joined our crew' joke.
"How about one of you switch places with him?" Zoro said.
"I have to row!" I said immediately, jumping over to the oars and situating myself. Then I pretended not to listen to the conversation and took great interest in making sure that the oars were PERFECTLY aligned with each other to get maximum rowing efficiency. Just then, Luffy woke up.
"Ah, Luffy!" I said. "You're awake! Now you can row!"
"Yeah!" said Luffy as he stood up and struck a pose. But he didn't make any movement for the oars.
"Here." I said, handing him the oars.
"I'LL BE THE LOOKOUT!!!" Luffy declared, running over to the front of the boat and looked in the direction to where our ship was.
I couldn't blame him for just trying to get out of doing work. He probably genuinely got distracted by the fact that there was no one being the lookout and felt the desire to fill the spot. He WOULD have done the work, if someone had been the lookout. Besides, it's not like I NEEDED his help. I could have rowed all by myself.
Nami looked up from her conversation with Zoro and gave me the thumbs up. "All right!" she said. "Let's get going!"
It appeared as though Zoro was treating our journey like it was a race as he swam as fast as he could with Sanji over his shoulder. I wasn't going say anything since he seemed to be pumped up about SOMETHING as he climbed up the ladder to the boat before I had even reached it.
Luffy climbed up first and then I did. When I got to the top, Zoro was just standing there glaring forward with his arms crossed, looking angry. Maybe he was offended that I hadn't tried my hardest to beat him in the 'race' but whatever the reason was, I wasn't about to get on Zoro's bad side so I slowly backed away from him, not making any sudden movements that would potentially throw him into an uncontrollable rage.
I went over to the head of the ship where Luffy was already sitting on his ram seat. I took a last look at Silver River, even though I couldn't really see it since it was dark. But I was glad to finally have gotten off that island. Everything about it just seemed to be so messed up as if everyone and everything on that island was on crack or something. But it's not like that was something different or anything since we so frequently came across weird crack islands like this one and end up saving the day. If it wasn't for me, the two Villages would be warring right now and we would probably be stuck right in the middle of it. Once again, I was the hero and I truly believe that everyone else did pretty much nothing that went towards stopping the war.
"REMEMBER THE NAME, USOPP!!" I screamed the island even though we were probably a good mile away from it. "REMEMBER THAT HE IS YOUR GOD AND SAVIOR!!!"
"Ooh, you're a god?" said Luffy. "AMAZING!!"
"Yes, I am a god." I answered. "I'm surprised that you didn't know that you've had a god traveling with you this entire time."
"I didn't!!" exclaimed Luffy. "That's amazing!! That's SO amazing!!"
I let out a loud yawn. "The Great God and Captain Usopp now must retire to his quarters!" I announced as I began to walk to where our room was.
"I'm the captain." Luffy said. It irked me that he still believed that he was the captain of this ship, but I decided to let it slide for now since it had been a very long day. So I made my way back to the room and changed into my blue pajamas with the little yellow stars on them with the matching night hat. Zoro was already snoring and Sanji was just lying there like an unconscious lump so I jumped up onto the hammock that hung the highest off the ground. I snuggled up with my teddy and went to sleep.