Hunnybug
----------
"Bloody fucking hell, Malfoy. Why do you always do, erm…this?"
Draco glanced up from his most comfortable seat—Ron's lap—and raised an eyebrow. "And what is this exactly?"
"You know, this, as in here, as in now as in, in the Quidditch stands!"
"I'm still not too sure what this entails," Draco smiled lazily as the tips of Ron's ears started to burn.
"Er…y'know…well, snogging!" He finally burst out, his whole face now crimson. Draco leaned in and lightly nipped his bottom lip, delighted with Ron's discomfort.
"There hasn't been much snogging going on, Weasley."
"Yeah, but there will, and Harry's starting to look kinda green, not to mention Hermione getting on her 'lecture face' as we speak!"
"Or snog."
"Malfoy!" Ron wrapped his hands around the upper part of Draco's arms and proceeded to lift the snickering Slytherin off his lap. "Just leave off. You know as well as I do that Harry gets kinda uncomfortable when you, er, well, we, um…display our affections in public."
"Display our affections in public?" Draco sneered. "What affections? Aside from the obvious, that is." With this last statement, Draco's hands sneaked their way to the bottom of Ron's shirt. The sneer never left his face even as Ron's eyes went that misty blue. As Draco's hands slid higher, Ron gulped and squeezed his eyes shut, a pitiful defense.
"Bugger it," he muttered, grasping the other boy's waist and hauling him back onto his lap. He smiled against Draco's cool lips. "Just can't resist you, love." Draco stilled, his hands stopping their interesting explorations. Damn Weasley and all his little endearments. Way to kill the mood.
"Fuck it, Weasley, stop calling me that."
"What? Irresistible?" As if to prove his point, Ron nipped his way down to Draco's collarbone, sucking lightly. With an effort, Draco grabbed two fistfuls of Ron's brilliant hair, dragging him up to eye level.
"You damn well know what."
"Awww, Malfoy, y'mean love? What's so wrong with that? I think it's cute."
"It's disgusting and mushy."
"I like mushy," Ron gave his best puppy dog eyes. Draco rolled his.
"Well I don't. Jesus Weasley, we agreed this was just a sex thing. It wasn't my fault you had to have blasted scarlet hair."
Ron snickered. "Scarlet hair? Didn't realize you were such a poet, Malfoy."
This time it was Draco's face that went scarlet. "Shut-up, Weasel. And stop that. It's distracting." Ron's hands, being unoccupied, had started their own explorations along Draco's thighs.
"Is it possible you could do, err… what you're… doing, somewhere else?"
Seeing Harry, even a disgusted one, triggered Ron into remembering a certain hilarious conversation they'd had one night while high on Sugar Quills. Pick-up lines had abounded. Ron snickered; he could use this. It would take deliberate planning though, as these things shouldn't be rushed.
"Sorry mate. C'mon love." His endearment did nothing to help Harry's green complexion. Draco, with the ease of practice, ignored Harry and targeted Ron.
"Call me another silly, revolting name and I won't speak to you for three complete days."
"Whoa, okay Ron, I'll just be, uh, going, then… well, bye." Harry decided he'd just remove himself, instead of trusting them to actually listen to him and take their affections elsewhere.
Ron was too caught up in plotting when to use his killer line to pay much attention to either of them. Hmm… no, now was not the time; he'd stick with something more generic. After all, timing is everything in the comedy business. "So Drakie—"
"Three days. See you then." Draco slid fluidly off Ron's warm lap.
"Wait!" Ah, now was perfect. He could taste it.
Draco turned, raising a brow. "Groveling may or may not make me reconsider."
"No, no, wait for it. Damn, okay, how did it go?" Bees knees, he couldn't forget! It was too excellent! Ron puzzled, squinching his eyebrows together … " 'Kay I got it! Ready?"
"I'm waiting."
Ron put on his best sleazy voice, "Who's the hunnybug in the bunnyhug?"
"What. Are you daft? What the fuck is a bunny-hug?"
Ron was cracking up. "Isn't that brilliant? Harry told me! It's a nutty American phrase, and a bunnyhug is a jumper with a hood. But like, hunnybug, bunnyhug… get it? Oh man I kill myself!"
"Yes, I get it. You, however, do not even remotely stimulate my humor and are still getting three days of punishment."
Ron grinned, and watched Draco's excellent arse saunter off. He'd be back tomorrow with some pitiful excuse. And, oh, to be able to use that line was worth it.
----------
so this was written in three seconds and supposed to be serious, but I got stuck and decided, hey, let's end it with my favorite pick-up line! everyone likes pick-up lines.
…. as Crow says in MST, Godzilla vs Megalon …. "filmed in confuso-vision!"
I've just realized that I like these " … " quite a lot.