Slowly she let me go, looking into my eyes with her continuous smile. I
looked back blankly, blinked then looked down at the floor not knowing what
to say.
" Hey I tell you what Johnny.since it's such a lovely day out and you haven't been outside well.since you've been admitted here, would you like to walk around the courtyards? I think it's best for you to get some contact with the outside world. There's talk of letting you go soon since you seem to have recovered so wonderfully. Although it's given you'll have to come back for a check up every two weeks and continue on the medications." She asked me beginning to stand up.
I looked up at the window again then back to her. I never was a very big fan of the outdoors. Always seemed to end up getting depressed when I went out, though now that the feeling of depression was dead inside me, perhaps it was time to give nature another chance of wooing me. " Alright. That doesn't sound like that bad of an idea. It gets terribly monotonous in here." I replied, shakily standing up; it was astounding how much taller than her I was, never thought of myself as a very tall person. She slowly moved towards my door and opened it, looking back at me with sparkling eyes. I hesitated, than walked forwards out the door.
The halls of the asylum were quiet, bright and sterile. Very surprising, I always used imagine mental houses to be nothing but dark, corridors of bodiless screaming and people walking around muttering nonsense. Though now that I think about it, perhaps the dark corridors of uncontrollable screaming was just symbolic of my own mind back then. I passed a few desks with nurses and doctors, all looking up at me, then at Andrea, who smiled proudly back at them as if my recovery was all her accomplishment. It was I must admit, thought I would have never been here if it wasn't for Devi, I just couldn't stop thinking about that.
" It's a tad chilly outside like I said." She spoke looking back at me, walking into a coatroom and returning after a rather long moment with my long black trench coat, which I recall wearing the day I tried to die. I smiled at it, for the first time in what felt like years, such a foreign feeling. It hurt, the muscles in my cheeks being so weak from lack of any emotion. Andrea looked up at me, noticing my expression and smiled back warmly, placing the cold black jacket into my hands. " It's nice to see that on your face Nny, you should smile more. Makes you look even more handsome."
I blinked looking down at her oddly, smile fading and eyebrow quirking. Though she continued to beam up at me. I tossed the jacket around me, sticking my thin arms through and flipping up the collar. She took a quick scan up and down me and turned around walking towards the double paned courtyard doors.
I stepped outside and was attacked with a wave of cold wind against my face, with the sweet smell of distant burning leaves. Evidently, it was fall. From my room I couldn't see any trees, just the sky. The same sounds of the world that I once heard before echoed in my ears, though there was something new to them. I.appreciated the sounds. I could actually hear them and not the damn voice of the doughboys trying to fuck my mind up; I was born again. The sunlight beamed against the treetops, slowly setting in the West and invisible by the building behind me. Looking around at the world, I felt as if I were a young boy in a candy store.enthralled by everything I saw, longing to taste the fruit of life that I had once turned rotten.
" Missed it didn't you." She said watching my every move as if she had presented me with the greatest gift anyone could give. I simply shrugged, still looking around at the sky and trees, hearing the sounds of the city in the distance and the birds.
"Can't really say. Although I do have to admit that I've never really.taken time to admire the world." I answered in a light mutter. " It's beautiful." Never did I imagine that word would come from my mouth. She laughed lightly tugging at my jacket sleeve and walking a little ahead of me looking back.
"Come on Nny, let's take that walk."
The fallen leaves crunched at my feet as I still looked around in bewilderment. I placed my hands in my pockets, though in one of them felt something hard and cold. I stopped, coiled my fingers around it, and pulled out a small switchblade. Andrea turned around and stopped in her tracks looking at the knife in my hand, noticing my evident blank expression and walked up in front of me. This was they very knife that I had used to cut myself open. Now my dementia was cleared; I remembered everything.
" Johnny." She started in a soft whisper but trailed off looking at the weapon in my hand as if she was testing my every move. I just stared down at it blankly, why hadn't someone taken it out of my pocket when I was taken here? Was this supposed to be a test of will? Whatever it was, I knew what I had to do. I looked down at her unblinkingly and outstretched my hand.
" Take it. I don't need it." I murmured.
" Why not?" She asked not moving.
I sighed shaking my head and looking to the sky, trying to search for any homicidal urges within me, voices of the Doughboys, or dark thoughts. Nothing.
" Because that part of my life is dead now. " I muttered. She looked up at me happily taking the weapon away, standing on her toes and throwing her arms around my neck, startling me.
" Congratulations Nny. " She said softly in my ear. " I knew you were cured."
I never was a fan of "touchy feely" people, not exactly returning the embrace but loosely placing my hand against her back, eyes darting back and forth. " I'll say that my mind has healed, but my distaste for people still remains." I said, watching a flock of small birds fly by. She let go of me and began to walk along side me leading me towards a picnic table that looked out at the city, near the electric bared wire fences.
" Well, you don't have to like everyone Johnny, that's natural. Just as long as you don't let it over take your life, turn you homicidal again. " She shot back at me as I sat on top of the table resting my feet on the bench and she sat near my legs. " You do feel better about people don't you though?"
I shrugged looking up at the sky as the wind ruffled through my hair " I can admit I don't feel violent or as dark anymore, but I just can't like people, or most."
" You can like me!" She exclaimed happily, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation
((Author's note: Okay maybe she DOES has a thing for him.*coughs*))
I looked down at her blankly blinking slowly. " Well, you haven't added to my hatred of humans that's for sure." The best retort I could think to say. I watched as a few of the other patients walked by muttering silently to them selves, being lead by their caretakers. I shook my head actually feeling sorry for them.wait.sorry? I had feelings again? This defiantly was a breakthrough day. She smiled up at me in such a sweet way I could feel the cavities forming in my mouth
" I tell you what Johnny, since I'm rather high up here, how about I release you now? I can deal with all the records and releasing papers later, but I don't think you belong here anymore." She said softly nudging her head towards the fences. I blinked, wide eyed. I had every intention of pouncing on her and smothering her with a hug of happiness (There again, another feeling I hadn't had since.ever.) but I contained myself. Any drastic moves might have me sent back up to that God forsaken room.
" You...serious?" I asked lightly, not believing the words that came from her mouth. Slowly, she nodded standing up as I followed; taking a dramatic jump from the picnic table, coat billowing behind me in the wind. The electric humming of the barbed wire fence, which separated the two worlds, increased as I took each step. Finally I was staring face to face with my freedom beyond the electric fence. Andrea stepped next to me, pressed a code into the control pad and the humming stopped. She unlocked the gate opening it up and stepping aside. I looked out at it with an enlightened heart as a strange sensation over came my face. I was smiling again, though this time a true, genuine open mouthed, smile. I can't remember the last time I felt, warm inside.
" Go ahead." She said in a voice nothing above a whisper, " just read the amounts you need to take each day and come see me in two weeks." slipping a few containers of what I assumed pills in my coat pocket as if she were planning on this, much like the knife in my pocket. Smart little shit she was.very smart. I looked down at her smile fading a little.
"Thank you." I said softly " I owe you."
" I think you owe your friend Devi more than you owe me." She replied with a wink, I successfully held the blushing back. Once again she threw her arms around me in a tight hug, though this time I didn't mind. She gained me my freedom. Then I felt her lips softly caress my cheek, as fleeting as a quick warm wind in the wintertime. I tensed up once more, shocked and highly confused. She backed away from me with a smile along the lines of loving, though not the "motherly love" she commonly showed me, waved and shut the gate as the electric sound burst like lightning. I watched her walk away through the fence, placing my cold fingertips to my cheek, still confused.
Shrugging and turning around, though lightly smiling in spite of myself. I was free of the shackles I put on myself, free of everything! I began to walk down the sidewalk, coat billowing behind me once more, avoiding eye contact with on goers; though luckily there weren't that many outside. I stopped at an intersection a few blocks away, watching the cars zoom back and forth, thinking about Devi. Before I did anything, I had to know why she saved me and didn't leave me for death, which I had so deserved. I looked to the left down another street with which her apartment complex was on. Should I go thank her? Ask her why? No, I couldn't. I wasn't ready, didn't know what to say just yet. Plus, I just was too cowardly to face her yet. I don't think anyone is ever ready to face someone they once loved, and was hated back. Instead, as the intersection cleared, I walked further out of the heart of the city into the suburbs; towards my house. There were some "things" I had to fix there for sure.and see little 'ol Squee. The only human I could stand asides Devi back when I was troubled. I just hoped he remembered me.
The last lights of the day spread out in the Western horizon in shades of vibrant orange and red as I entered the quiet neighborhood, looking at the houses I once remembered passing, lights on in the windows and cheery feeling. I don't recall I ever saw lights in the window, but the shades drawn and darkness. It was as if they were inviting me back to my life. Hell, everything looked inviting now.all except my house as I came closer to it. A strange cold feeling arose in the pit of my stomach as I stood in front of its dark, foreboding appearance; as if expecting to be killed the moment I walked in. I drew in a sharp breath, stepped up to my door, shakily put my hand on the doorknob. Then I heard their voices again, Mr. Eff and Psycho Doughboy.
" You came back again Nny? What a shame. I thought you killed yourself finally." Sneered one of the two.I couldn't tell anymore who was who. My hand tensed on the doorknob as I closed my eyes gritting my teeth. Both voices began to laugh maniacally." No." I thought to myself, "no. They can't be back; I'm healed. Andrea let me go because I was healed. They're not there. They're not. They can't be fucking back. I'm not crazy anymore. They have to leave; that is an order."
" You're not welcome here anymore." I huffed out loud through my clenched teeth, glaring at the door, feeling rage filling inside me.
" Oh ho! Is that so?" One of them laughed again, then bursting out in dark laughter again. I immediately twisted my doorknob swimming in anger, and kicked open the door with a growl.
((Author's note: Sneaky little runt Andrea wasn't she (. Chapter 4 will be up soon.*Has been writing way too much lately* despite the little ending of this chapter, Johnny IS cured, it's the fact that the doughboys have inanimate shapes and physically are THERE that's bothering him. Kind of like throwing something out of yours that bring back bad memories.))
" Hey I tell you what Johnny.since it's such a lovely day out and you haven't been outside well.since you've been admitted here, would you like to walk around the courtyards? I think it's best for you to get some contact with the outside world. There's talk of letting you go soon since you seem to have recovered so wonderfully. Although it's given you'll have to come back for a check up every two weeks and continue on the medications." She asked me beginning to stand up.
I looked up at the window again then back to her. I never was a very big fan of the outdoors. Always seemed to end up getting depressed when I went out, though now that the feeling of depression was dead inside me, perhaps it was time to give nature another chance of wooing me. " Alright. That doesn't sound like that bad of an idea. It gets terribly monotonous in here." I replied, shakily standing up; it was astounding how much taller than her I was, never thought of myself as a very tall person. She slowly moved towards my door and opened it, looking back at me with sparkling eyes. I hesitated, than walked forwards out the door.
The halls of the asylum were quiet, bright and sterile. Very surprising, I always used imagine mental houses to be nothing but dark, corridors of bodiless screaming and people walking around muttering nonsense. Though now that I think about it, perhaps the dark corridors of uncontrollable screaming was just symbolic of my own mind back then. I passed a few desks with nurses and doctors, all looking up at me, then at Andrea, who smiled proudly back at them as if my recovery was all her accomplishment. It was I must admit, thought I would have never been here if it wasn't for Devi, I just couldn't stop thinking about that.
" It's a tad chilly outside like I said." She spoke looking back at me, walking into a coatroom and returning after a rather long moment with my long black trench coat, which I recall wearing the day I tried to die. I smiled at it, for the first time in what felt like years, such a foreign feeling. It hurt, the muscles in my cheeks being so weak from lack of any emotion. Andrea looked up at me, noticing my expression and smiled back warmly, placing the cold black jacket into my hands. " It's nice to see that on your face Nny, you should smile more. Makes you look even more handsome."
I blinked looking down at her oddly, smile fading and eyebrow quirking. Though she continued to beam up at me. I tossed the jacket around me, sticking my thin arms through and flipping up the collar. She took a quick scan up and down me and turned around walking towards the double paned courtyard doors.
I stepped outside and was attacked with a wave of cold wind against my face, with the sweet smell of distant burning leaves. Evidently, it was fall. From my room I couldn't see any trees, just the sky. The same sounds of the world that I once heard before echoed in my ears, though there was something new to them. I.appreciated the sounds. I could actually hear them and not the damn voice of the doughboys trying to fuck my mind up; I was born again. The sunlight beamed against the treetops, slowly setting in the West and invisible by the building behind me. Looking around at the world, I felt as if I were a young boy in a candy store.enthralled by everything I saw, longing to taste the fruit of life that I had once turned rotten.
" Missed it didn't you." She said watching my every move as if she had presented me with the greatest gift anyone could give. I simply shrugged, still looking around at the sky and trees, hearing the sounds of the city in the distance and the birds.
"Can't really say. Although I do have to admit that I've never really.taken time to admire the world." I answered in a light mutter. " It's beautiful." Never did I imagine that word would come from my mouth. She laughed lightly tugging at my jacket sleeve and walking a little ahead of me looking back.
"Come on Nny, let's take that walk."
The fallen leaves crunched at my feet as I still looked around in bewilderment. I placed my hands in my pockets, though in one of them felt something hard and cold. I stopped, coiled my fingers around it, and pulled out a small switchblade. Andrea turned around and stopped in her tracks looking at the knife in my hand, noticing my evident blank expression and walked up in front of me. This was they very knife that I had used to cut myself open. Now my dementia was cleared; I remembered everything.
" Johnny." She started in a soft whisper but trailed off looking at the weapon in my hand as if she was testing my every move. I just stared down at it blankly, why hadn't someone taken it out of my pocket when I was taken here? Was this supposed to be a test of will? Whatever it was, I knew what I had to do. I looked down at her unblinkingly and outstretched my hand.
" Take it. I don't need it." I murmured.
" Why not?" She asked not moving.
I sighed shaking my head and looking to the sky, trying to search for any homicidal urges within me, voices of the Doughboys, or dark thoughts. Nothing.
" Because that part of my life is dead now. " I muttered. She looked up at me happily taking the weapon away, standing on her toes and throwing her arms around my neck, startling me.
" Congratulations Nny. " She said softly in my ear. " I knew you were cured."
I never was a fan of "touchy feely" people, not exactly returning the embrace but loosely placing my hand against her back, eyes darting back and forth. " I'll say that my mind has healed, but my distaste for people still remains." I said, watching a flock of small birds fly by. She let go of me and began to walk along side me leading me towards a picnic table that looked out at the city, near the electric bared wire fences.
" Well, you don't have to like everyone Johnny, that's natural. Just as long as you don't let it over take your life, turn you homicidal again. " She shot back at me as I sat on top of the table resting my feet on the bench and she sat near my legs. " You do feel better about people don't you though?"
I shrugged looking up at the sky as the wind ruffled through my hair " I can admit I don't feel violent or as dark anymore, but I just can't like people, or most."
" You can like me!" She exclaimed happily, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation
((Author's note: Okay maybe she DOES has a thing for him.*coughs*))
I looked down at her blankly blinking slowly. " Well, you haven't added to my hatred of humans that's for sure." The best retort I could think to say. I watched as a few of the other patients walked by muttering silently to them selves, being lead by their caretakers. I shook my head actually feeling sorry for them.wait.sorry? I had feelings again? This defiantly was a breakthrough day. She smiled up at me in such a sweet way I could feel the cavities forming in my mouth
" I tell you what Johnny, since I'm rather high up here, how about I release you now? I can deal with all the records and releasing papers later, but I don't think you belong here anymore." She said softly nudging her head towards the fences. I blinked, wide eyed. I had every intention of pouncing on her and smothering her with a hug of happiness (There again, another feeling I hadn't had since.ever.) but I contained myself. Any drastic moves might have me sent back up to that God forsaken room.
" You...serious?" I asked lightly, not believing the words that came from her mouth. Slowly, she nodded standing up as I followed; taking a dramatic jump from the picnic table, coat billowing behind me in the wind. The electric humming of the barbed wire fence, which separated the two worlds, increased as I took each step. Finally I was staring face to face with my freedom beyond the electric fence. Andrea stepped next to me, pressed a code into the control pad and the humming stopped. She unlocked the gate opening it up and stepping aside. I looked out at it with an enlightened heart as a strange sensation over came my face. I was smiling again, though this time a true, genuine open mouthed, smile. I can't remember the last time I felt, warm inside.
" Go ahead." She said in a voice nothing above a whisper, " just read the amounts you need to take each day and come see me in two weeks." slipping a few containers of what I assumed pills in my coat pocket as if she were planning on this, much like the knife in my pocket. Smart little shit she was.very smart. I looked down at her smile fading a little.
"Thank you." I said softly " I owe you."
" I think you owe your friend Devi more than you owe me." She replied with a wink, I successfully held the blushing back. Once again she threw her arms around me in a tight hug, though this time I didn't mind. She gained me my freedom. Then I felt her lips softly caress my cheek, as fleeting as a quick warm wind in the wintertime. I tensed up once more, shocked and highly confused. She backed away from me with a smile along the lines of loving, though not the "motherly love" she commonly showed me, waved and shut the gate as the electric sound burst like lightning. I watched her walk away through the fence, placing my cold fingertips to my cheek, still confused.
Shrugging and turning around, though lightly smiling in spite of myself. I was free of the shackles I put on myself, free of everything! I began to walk down the sidewalk, coat billowing behind me once more, avoiding eye contact with on goers; though luckily there weren't that many outside. I stopped at an intersection a few blocks away, watching the cars zoom back and forth, thinking about Devi. Before I did anything, I had to know why she saved me and didn't leave me for death, which I had so deserved. I looked to the left down another street with which her apartment complex was on. Should I go thank her? Ask her why? No, I couldn't. I wasn't ready, didn't know what to say just yet. Plus, I just was too cowardly to face her yet. I don't think anyone is ever ready to face someone they once loved, and was hated back. Instead, as the intersection cleared, I walked further out of the heart of the city into the suburbs; towards my house. There were some "things" I had to fix there for sure.and see little 'ol Squee. The only human I could stand asides Devi back when I was troubled. I just hoped he remembered me.
The last lights of the day spread out in the Western horizon in shades of vibrant orange and red as I entered the quiet neighborhood, looking at the houses I once remembered passing, lights on in the windows and cheery feeling. I don't recall I ever saw lights in the window, but the shades drawn and darkness. It was as if they were inviting me back to my life. Hell, everything looked inviting now.all except my house as I came closer to it. A strange cold feeling arose in the pit of my stomach as I stood in front of its dark, foreboding appearance; as if expecting to be killed the moment I walked in. I drew in a sharp breath, stepped up to my door, shakily put my hand on the doorknob. Then I heard their voices again, Mr. Eff and Psycho Doughboy.
" You came back again Nny? What a shame. I thought you killed yourself finally." Sneered one of the two.I couldn't tell anymore who was who. My hand tensed on the doorknob as I closed my eyes gritting my teeth. Both voices began to laugh maniacally." No." I thought to myself, "no. They can't be back; I'm healed. Andrea let me go because I was healed. They're not there. They're not. They can't be fucking back. I'm not crazy anymore. They have to leave; that is an order."
" You're not welcome here anymore." I huffed out loud through my clenched teeth, glaring at the door, feeling rage filling inside me.
" Oh ho! Is that so?" One of them laughed again, then bursting out in dark laughter again. I immediately twisted my doorknob swimming in anger, and kicked open the door with a growl.
((Author's note: Sneaky little runt Andrea wasn't she (. Chapter 4 will be up soon.*Has been writing way too much lately* despite the little ending of this chapter, Johnny IS cured, it's the fact that the doughboys have inanimate shapes and physically are THERE that's bothering him. Kind of like throwing something out of yours that bring back bad memories.))