The door slammed against the opposite wall then slowly moved back towards
me as I stood, looking into my house. I couldn't possibly began to describe
how the memories flooded in, best I could elude to was a broken dam
spilling blackness; pure blackness. With a creak, I shut the door, the
silence rung in my ears, pushing down on me, crushing me like the black
oblivion of the sea.
" What's the matter Johnny, afraid? Afraid you might just snap again?" One of the voices in the corner taunted. The floorboards creaked as I stormed across the dark room, coming face to face with the two Styrofoam dolls that I had once believed dictated my life.
" Get out." I spat, clenching my fists in my pockets. " You're not welcome here anymore. You have no control over me."
" Just keep telling yourself that. Those drugs are just candy to your fucked up mind." Mr. Eff said leaning in towards me in a sneer.
" Get out." I repeated lowly, eyes narrowing.
" Ah Eff, you're angering him so. Perhaps he'll try to kill himself again and succeed." Psycho Doughboy injected, both beginning to laugh insanely. I closed my eyes, teeth clenched, rage building inside me. Without warning, I spun around and reached for one of the knives I had strewn about the floor and leapt at the laughing dolls, tearing them apart.
" AH! JOHNNY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" screamed Mr. Eff as I ravenously tore his legs off, shredding him to bits with the knife, carving him like a Thanksgiving turkey until he was no more than a screaming pile lying on the floor. I looked over at Psycho Doughboy glaring, with fire in my eyes, slowly lifting my knife up to the side of my face.
" Think about what you're doing Nny..." He said looking up at me in a deep angry voice. " Haven't I been your friend?"
Without answering I flung my knife into him grabbing the handle slowly as he screamed obscenities at me, and twisting it around; carving him in the similar way that I did to Eff. " Would a friend try to kill me?" I asked through gritted teeth as I tore the knife out of him, leaving him in a pile as well. Both of their voices screamed in my head, bursting my eardrums in obscenities and curses. I shuttered throwing the knife into the wall and doubling over onto the floor shaking madly in a feeble position. All around me felt as if I was falling back into my past, the voices taking over my head once more.
" No." I said to myself weakly. " No. You're fine Nny, you're fine. Damn it you bastard get back up! You can't give in! " My eyes filled with tears as I tried to force myself against the crushing pressure the memories and past and stand up, muttering words of hope to myself. The doughboys voices echoed louder and louder the more and more I pushed..until finally I snapped. I threw my head back and screamed as loud as I could above the Doughboys voices. " GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE GOD DAMN IT! YOU ARE NOT- WELCOME-HERE!" I then dropped to my knees and closed my eyes. Slowly the pressure disappeared as the voices began to grow into shouting gibberish, then to nothingness, then...I was alone; free at last.
I stood up slowly; looking around my room seeing the weapons scattered everywhere and irremovable blood stains on the wood here and there with ghostly memories sparred in-between. I collected myself, picked up the remains of the Doughboys and walked towards the back door into my backyard. On the way, I found the headless body of Nail bunny, the only voice of hope I had who stopped talking to me shortly before I had shot myself (abstractly) before. I looked down at the small dead animal pathetically, and picked it up carefully as well.
The weak moonlight beamed down on me as I stepped out into the frigid night air, grabbing the shovel that rested against the back of the house and making my way to the furthest corner of the yard. I set down the Styrofoam and the rabbit's body and began to dig a shallow hole, kicking the foam boys into it and messily covering it back up. I glared down at the burial and spat upon the dirt. " Rot in Hell..." Muttering I picked up the rabbit's body and walked away.
I walked a few dozen yards away from the Doughboys burial towards a small tree in my backyard that I always seemed to enjoy watching the seasons take its toll upon. I could never understand what drove me to like it so much, perhaps it was always the thought that I too, would be reborn from the frozen death of my mind's own Winter. I put the rabbit's body down on the ground and looked up at the moon; it's glow beaming down on my face, and shoved the shovel down into the ground digging a rather deep hole. When I was finished, I carefully placed Nail Bunny's body into it and tightly covered it with dirt. I looked down at the small grave once more, then back up at the moon with a wry smile.
"Thank you." I said softly to the heavens. " Thank you for being my reason."
Feeling surprisingly cleansed, I placed the shovel back at the side of my house and walked around the side yard to the front looking back at my house then at the others in the neighborhood. A small breeze ruffled through my hair as I turned my eyes towards Squee's seeing a small light on in his room. Squeegee! My little pal! It had been so long since I visited him! With a smile on my face, I hastily walked over into his yard and looked up at his window, undoubtedly still broken from my first "visit" with him, and began climbing up the side of his house. When I reached his room, I saw him lying silently on his side away from the window in his bed, holding his bear. I smiled softly and silently maneuvered my way through the pane to his floor. The boards made a soft creak beneath my steel toed boots, but he didn't seem to stir. I slowly walked to the side of his bed, placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Squeegee?" I whispered in a rasped voice, kneeling on the floor. The child jumped a little and turned around, looking at me with big, surprised eyes, clutching his bear close to his chest, hiding his mouth as a soft squeak was emitted.
"..You're back.." He said timidly, eyes unblinking looking into mine like a deer's in headlights. I continued to smile weakly at him and nodded.
" Told you I would be." I whispered back. " Did you take good care of yourself while I was gone?"
He nodded slowly, clutching the bear closer. "Shmee says you're here to...to rip my head off and paint my walls with my..my blood." He squeaked. I blinked tilting my head and looking at the bear, then back to Squee shaking my head.
"I wouldn't have done that to you, but..I'm not that way anymore." I replied. " But how have you been? "
He shook his head looking towards his partly opened door. " Daddy says if he hears me talking to you again he'll send me away...but wouldn't care..." He said meekly, I frowned. It was far evident his family didn't care about him one bit and if I could, I would take him in; though I was sure my house would traumatize him even more than he already was.
"Well in that case, what say you we go on a little walk?" I asked standing back up slowly. Squee made a soft noise in his throat as I towered over him, looking at his door again then back up at me nodding and sitting up. I looked behind me at the window then down at him. " Try to hold onto me as best you can. The tunnel in my basement is a tad...crowded still." Squee's eyes widened, in horror. Remembering what I had told him before I left about the underground tunnel I had. I lowered back down to a squat as the small child hesitantly wrapped his arms around my neck still holding his bear and sitting on my shoulder. I hesitated at first, though it not being an exact embrace it still seemed close to one, though oddly it didn't bother me as much as Andrea's embraces only a few hours before. I shook my head standing back up and carefully making my way down the side of his house with one hand on his back.
As we were only a few feet away from the ground, I dropped. Squee squealed burying his face in my neck in fright. " Hey, hey! It's okay Squeegee it was only a small drop!" I consoled kneeling back down and letting him to the ground and beginning to walk down the sidewalk. " You hungry? I know I am a little..." I asked, though before I heard a response, I felt something small grab my hand. I jumped slightly and looked down, seeing Squee's hand grasping my own. I hesitated for a moment blinking down at him as he simply stared ahead down the street wearing what I could have sworn was a smile. Lightly, I coiled my index and middle finger around his hand, losing the strange, uncomfortable feeling I had.
"You hungry? I repeated, passing my house. "Mmm hmmm." He replied skittering along side me for each step I took. I smiled once more, genuinely as we approached the city limits. Once again I avoided the odd looks people gave me, eyes fixed straight ahead..though my heart sank as I stopped at a halt, my eyes falling upon something I wished they hadn't.
" Umm..Mr. Not so scary neighbor person? Nny? What's wrong?" Squee asked lightly. My mouth dropped open as no noise came forth but tiny squeaks. My heart beating a, million miles an hour.
"..It's..her..." I replied in a terrified voice, frozen in my tracks as Devi, looking down at the ground ignorant to my presence; came closer.
((Author's note: Uh oh what shall happen now?! ::big gasp:: I can guarantee you readers, that this story will drastically pick up and become more interesting now that Devi has returned..Chapter 5 will be up soon. ))
" What's the matter Johnny, afraid? Afraid you might just snap again?" One of the voices in the corner taunted. The floorboards creaked as I stormed across the dark room, coming face to face with the two Styrofoam dolls that I had once believed dictated my life.
" Get out." I spat, clenching my fists in my pockets. " You're not welcome here anymore. You have no control over me."
" Just keep telling yourself that. Those drugs are just candy to your fucked up mind." Mr. Eff said leaning in towards me in a sneer.
" Get out." I repeated lowly, eyes narrowing.
" Ah Eff, you're angering him so. Perhaps he'll try to kill himself again and succeed." Psycho Doughboy injected, both beginning to laugh insanely. I closed my eyes, teeth clenched, rage building inside me. Without warning, I spun around and reached for one of the knives I had strewn about the floor and leapt at the laughing dolls, tearing them apart.
" AH! JOHNNY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" screamed Mr. Eff as I ravenously tore his legs off, shredding him to bits with the knife, carving him like a Thanksgiving turkey until he was no more than a screaming pile lying on the floor. I looked over at Psycho Doughboy glaring, with fire in my eyes, slowly lifting my knife up to the side of my face.
" Think about what you're doing Nny..." He said looking up at me in a deep angry voice. " Haven't I been your friend?"
Without answering I flung my knife into him grabbing the handle slowly as he screamed obscenities at me, and twisting it around; carving him in the similar way that I did to Eff. " Would a friend try to kill me?" I asked through gritted teeth as I tore the knife out of him, leaving him in a pile as well. Both of their voices screamed in my head, bursting my eardrums in obscenities and curses. I shuttered throwing the knife into the wall and doubling over onto the floor shaking madly in a feeble position. All around me felt as if I was falling back into my past, the voices taking over my head once more.
" No." I said to myself weakly. " No. You're fine Nny, you're fine. Damn it you bastard get back up! You can't give in! " My eyes filled with tears as I tried to force myself against the crushing pressure the memories and past and stand up, muttering words of hope to myself. The doughboys voices echoed louder and louder the more and more I pushed..until finally I snapped. I threw my head back and screamed as loud as I could above the Doughboys voices. " GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE GOD DAMN IT! YOU ARE NOT- WELCOME-HERE!" I then dropped to my knees and closed my eyes. Slowly the pressure disappeared as the voices began to grow into shouting gibberish, then to nothingness, then...I was alone; free at last.
I stood up slowly; looking around my room seeing the weapons scattered everywhere and irremovable blood stains on the wood here and there with ghostly memories sparred in-between. I collected myself, picked up the remains of the Doughboys and walked towards the back door into my backyard. On the way, I found the headless body of Nail bunny, the only voice of hope I had who stopped talking to me shortly before I had shot myself (abstractly) before. I looked down at the small dead animal pathetically, and picked it up carefully as well.
The weak moonlight beamed down on me as I stepped out into the frigid night air, grabbing the shovel that rested against the back of the house and making my way to the furthest corner of the yard. I set down the Styrofoam and the rabbit's body and began to dig a shallow hole, kicking the foam boys into it and messily covering it back up. I glared down at the burial and spat upon the dirt. " Rot in Hell..." Muttering I picked up the rabbit's body and walked away.
I walked a few dozen yards away from the Doughboys burial towards a small tree in my backyard that I always seemed to enjoy watching the seasons take its toll upon. I could never understand what drove me to like it so much, perhaps it was always the thought that I too, would be reborn from the frozen death of my mind's own Winter. I put the rabbit's body down on the ground and looked up at the moon; it's glow beaming down on my face, and shoved the shovel down into the ground digging a rather deep hole. When I was finished, I carefully placed Nail Bunny's body into it and tightly covered it with dirt. I looked down at the small grave once more, then back up at the moon with a wry smile.
"Thank you." I said softly to the heavens. " Thank you for being my reason."
Feeling surprisingly cleansed, I placed the shovel back at the side of my house and walked around the side yard to the front looking back at my house then at the others in the neighborhood. A small breeze ruffled through my hair as I turned my eyes towards Squee's seeing a small light on in his room. Squeegee! My little pal! It had been so long since I visited him! With a smile on my face, I hastily walked over into his yard and looked up at his window, undoubtedly still broken from my first "visit" with him, and began climbing up the side of his house. When I reached his room, I saw him lying silently on his side away from the window in his bed, holding his bear. I smiled softly and silently maneuvered my way through the pane to his floor. The boards made a soft creak beneath my steel toed boots, but he didn't seem to stir. I slowly walked to the side of his bed, placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Squeegee?" I whispered in a rasped voice, kneeling on the floor. The child jumped a little and turned around, looking at me with big, surprised eyes, clutching his bear close to his chest, hiding his mouth as a soft squeak was emitted.
"..You're back.." He said timidly, eyes unblinking looking into mine like a deer's in headlights. I continued to smile weakly at him and nodded.
" Told you I would be." I whispered back. " Did you take good care of yourself while I was gone?"
He nodded slowly, clutching the bear closer. "Shmee says you're here to...to rip my head off and paint my walls with my..my blood." He squeaked. I blinked tilting my head and looking at the bear, then back to Squee shaking my head.
"I wouldn't have done that to you, but..I'm not that way anymore." I replied. " But how have you been? "
He shook his head looking towards his partly opened door. " Daddy says if he hears me talking to you again he'll send me away...but wouldn't care..." He said meekly, I frowned. It was far evident his family didn't care about him one bit and if I could, I would take him in; though I was sure my house would traumatize him even more than he already was.
"Well in that case, what say you we go on a little walk?" I asked standing back up slowly. Squee made a soft noise in his throat as I towered over him, looking at his door again then back up at me nodding and sitting up. I looked behind me at the window then down at him. " Try to hold onto me as best you can. The tunnel in my basement is a tad...crowded still." Squee's eyes widened, in horror. Remembering what I had told him before I left about the underground tunnel I had. I lowered back down to a squat as the small child hesitantly wrapped his arms around my neck still holding his bear and sitting on my shoulder. I hesitated at first, though it not being an exact embrace it still seemed close to one, though oddly it didn't bother me as much as Andrea's embraces only a few hours before. I shook my head standing back up and carefully making my way down the side of his house with one hand on his back.
As we were only a few feet away from the ground, I dropped. Squee squealed burying his face in my neck in fright. " Hey, hey! It's okay Squeegee it was only a small drop!" I consoled kneeling back down and letting him to the ground and beginning to walk down the sidewalk. " You hungry? I know I am a little..." I asked, though before I heard a response, I felt something small grab my hand. I jumped slightly and looked down, seeing Squee's hand grasping my own. I hesitated for a moment blinking down at him as he simply stared ahead down the street wearing what I could have sworn was a smile. Lightly, I coiled my index and middle finger around his hand, losing the strange, uncomfortable feeling I had.
"You hungry? I repeated, passing my house. "Mmm hmmm." He replied skittering along side me for each step I took. I smiled once more, genuinely as we approached the city limits. Once again I avoided the odd looks people gave me, eyes fixed straight ahead..though my heart sank as I stopped at a halt, my eyes falling upon something I wished they hadn't.
" Umm..Mr. Not so scary neighbor person? Nny? What's wrong?" Squee asked lightly. My mouth dropped open as no noise came forth but tiny squeaks. My heart beating a, million miles an hour.
"..It's..her..." I replied in a terrified voice, frozen in my tracks as Devi, looking down at the ground ignorant to my presence; came closer.
((Author's note: Uh oh what shall happen now?! ::big gasp:: I can guarantee you readers, that this story will drastically pick up and become more interesting now that Devi has returned..Chapter 5 will be up soon. ))