DISCLAIMER: You get kind of tired of saying this, but I don't own Metroid. I'm just a humble fan.

A/N: Wah-hoo!! My first monologue chapter!! ::throws confetti in the air:: (Guy in back: Funny how it took so long coming from a THEATRE PERSON!! Megun-chan: SHUDDAP!! ::sends chibis to beat up guy in back with mallets::) I told ya the plotholes would be filled- to a point. I was planning to save it for a later chapter, but I was running out of ideas for this one. And don't go saying "Hey!! There's no 'song' in this 'songfic', because monologue chapters have a different format than the regular ones.

SONGFIC NUMBERO CINCO: "A Song for XX" by Ayumi Hamasaki

SCENARIO NUMBERO CINCO: Samus Monologue

Chapter Five:

A Song for XX

~~~

Loneliness

It's amazing how far I've come. If somebody had told me when I was still a child on K-2L that I would become the only person capable of saving the entire galaxy from the hands of the creatures that would soon murder my parents, I would have told them they were crazy. "I'm not strong," I would have said, "Daddy will be the one who saves everybody." Well, I'm sorry, Sam, but Daddy isn't here anymore.

I still see my parents, sometimes, in my dreams... God, my dreams… I have begun to dread going to sleep every night. No matter how it starts out, every single time, I see them. I hear their cries and the noises they make before they attack. I hear my own voice screaming in pain as every bit of life and energy is drained from my body. I'm still screaming when I wake up.

What's happened to me? Why have I, Samus Aran, the only person to fight and win against the Space Pirates, the Metroids, AND the X, suffering from nightmares like a regular person? And when every single hour I'm not awake is not filled with visions of those little bloodsuckers, then… then…

There are two kinds of pain. I feel both of them in the only kinds of dreams I have. One of them is physical pain; the feeling you get when every bit of your life and energy is being drawn out of your screaming body. I would pick this pain over the second kind any day. The other kind of pain is to see the few people that you love die in front of your eyes, when you know you could have saved them, but you didn't.

I saw them die last night. And it was so real, it felt like I was seeing it for the first time, except I knew what was going to happen. I wanted to warn him; I turned just in time, and tried to call out… But my voice was stuck in my throat, and I was too late. I wanted to tell it to stop, that she would destroy it… But it kept on going as if it had never heard me… Adam… The dear baby Metroid that held onto me like a confused child… They both sacrificed their lives for me, and I can do nothing to repay them. The feeling of helplessness reopened the long-buried wounds that I dared not touch.

Adam has returned, it's true, but he isn't the same. He'll never be the same. He still calls me "Lady", though. I can't remember a time when he didn't. He and my father were best friends; they had been for a long time. Adam had a daughter, Kathryn. She was my best friend. I remember we spent almost every single waking hour together. We were like sisters, we were so close. And Adam became something like a second father to me, like my father was to Kathryn. Even when I was three years old, Adam always called me "Little Lady", or just "Lady". And when we were assigned together on that mission… I didn't remember my connection to him. So when he called me "Lady", I felt as if I had seen him before. I didn't realize what it was until it was too late.

I thought I had been the only survivor of K-2L. But I was wrong. Two people had survived that day. And twenty years later, one was watching the other one die. Adam told me how he had survived; My father had been working on a ship that could render itself not only invisible to this spectrum, but was also able to completely disappear off any radar, in case there were Pirates ready to blast any outgoing ships. I could only sit there, stunned. And he hadn't forgotten, either. He sat there, dying, and he held out the golden armband with my name on it as casually as if he had strolled in from a store. He had remembered; I didn't. That day was my birthday. How ironic.

Irony has filled my life since I started this… thing. And again, if somebody had told me I would tame and keep one of the very things I was supposed to destroy as not even a pet, but more like a child, I would have sent them to the insanity asylum. But that's what happened, wasn't it? The baby Metroid… I never really showed much affection for it, did I? I let it sleep in my bed, nestled in my hair, I talked to it, although if it had any idea what I was saying, I don't know… But other than that, I never paid much attention to it. I never played with it, never smothered it with affection- because that's not in my nature to do. This was a completely new experience for me. And yet it still helped me in the end…? I never showed it much love, and it still drained the Mother Brain of all her energy, provoking her wrath, and gave it to me? I cried that night. This thing I never showed much love for helped me… I miss the dear little Metroid… Is this what love feels like?

And… He had been there. He was there on both occasions. He had made himself known to me after Adam died. He was the one who took the Metroid Hatchling away from safety. He was- and is still, for I refuse to believe he is truly gone- my greatest rival. Ridley.

He was responsible for the storming of K-2L. He was the one who killed my mother. Right in front of me. The Chozo told me this when I was in their care. He had attacked me, and I was still a child. My mother came from seemingly out of nowhere and blocked the creature's beam with her own body. Ridley thought I was dead. I wasn't. Every time I killed him, I thought he was gone for good. He wasn't. The galaxy's most resilient pair of rivals. That's what Adam called us once. Ridley and I are, sadly, almost more than rivals are. We know so much about each other we could write a book. And Ridley is one of the very few people who have seen me without my helmet… And he is one of the few people who have seen me cry.

I've cried very few times in my whole life. The first time I ever remember crying was when K-2L was invaded. The second and third times were when Adam and the Hatchling died. Is this a sign of strength? I don't ever remember crying because of an injury. Not a physical one, anyways. Am I too heard-hearted? But it was being soft which would have led most people to betray me as the Federation…

I can't believe what a fool I was. The Federation betrayed me, and I am now a fugitive from the law. Why did this happen?! I had once been their most renowned defender and savior of everything around them!! When was the sudden change of heart?! Who do they think they are?! They have no respect for anything I've ever done for them!! They don't know how hard it is!! They don't know how many people who were close to me have died! They don't know what it feels like to be alone!!!

Because I really am alone, aren't I? Adam is here with me, but he isn't really here… My mother and father… I can never see them again. I won't ever hear my father's laugh, or my mother's voice as she read me a story or sang me to sleep… Kathryn… the few memories I have of you are fond ones. I miss you, my dear friend. Sometimes I have dreams that we are all together, but it won't last. Dreams are all that's left now. Dreams, and memories. And even those can disappear.

Why am I crying? Why am I lost?
Why did I stop? Please tell me.
When will I grow up? How long can I stay a child?
Where have I come running from?
Where am I running to?

I had no place to live. I couldn't find one.
I don't know if I could have any hope for the future.

They always said I was a strong child.
They praised me, saying: "You must be strong to not cry."
I didn't want those words at all.
So I pretended not to understand.

Why are you laughing? Why are you by my side?
Why are you leaving me? Please tell me.
When did you become strong?
Since when have you felt weakness?
How long must you wait
for the day you understand to come?

The sun is rising. I must go soon.
I can't stay in the same place forever.

You will someday be betrayed by your trust in people.
I thought it was the same as being rejected.
At the time I didn't have that kind of strength.
I definitely knew too much.

They always said I was a strong child.
They praised me, saying: "You must be strong not to cry."
The more people said things like that,
the more even laughing became agony.

I was born alone. I'll go on living alone.
Surely that kind of life is appropriate.

Waugh!! Poor Samus… (::hugs Samus:: Samus: Get off of me!! ::kick:: Megun-chan: Itai… -_-) So much for the mentally unstable Samus… Oh well. One down, 2-3 more to go!! Monologues ROCK!!! =^ u ^= (- - - - Kitty!!)