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Chapter 6
Squall Calls Rinoa
"Hello?"
"Hello, Rinoa?"
"No, it's her mom. Hold on. I'll get her. Who is this?"
"Squall."
"Squall, what happened between Rinoa and Selphie?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? Rinoa won't tell us anything. But I can see she's terribly upset."
"They'll probably work it out, Mrs. Heartilly."
"You think so? Listen, Squall, it's none of my business, but you're Selphie's brother. If there's anything you can do to help solve this—"
"I don't know. I'm not Selphie's real brother. So she doesn't listen to me much. She's usually pretty nasty to me."
"She's nasty to you? That means she does think of you as a real brother!"
"Hmmm. Maybe you're right, Mrs. Heartilly."
"Hold on, Squall. I'll go get Rinoa."
"Hello?"
"Hello, Rinoa?"
"Who is this?"
"It's Irvine. I just wondered if we could continue our interview this weekend. My parents are going away, and we'll be all alone the whole time."
"Squall, shut up! You don't sound anything like Irvine!"
"Ha-ha! Sorry, Rinoa. I couldn't resist."
"I should hang up. You're disgusting."
"Yeah, I know. Ha-ha!"
"I hate your laugh, too. You sound like Pee-wee Herman."
"Okay, okay. Don't start tearing me to pieces now. I just called too see how you were feeling."
"And you couldn't resist kicking me while I was down?"
"I didn't kick you. I made a little joke."
"It was in bad taste."
"I'm sorry. Okay?"
"Okay."
"So how are you?"
"I'm miserable. I've lost my best friend, and everywhere I go, people look at me with smirks on their faces and pretend they're not thinking what a triple-dip bozo I am."
"Well, at least you're not getting paranoid."
"Did you call me up just to laugh at me?"
"No. I told you. I just wondered how you were doing. I'm your friend, remember?"
"Oh yeah. I forgot."
"You sound terrible. When do you think you'll lighten up?"
"When I'm dead. Did Selphie say anything to you?"
"No. She doesn't talk to me much. Usually, she just says, 'Get out of the bathroom!' That's mostly what she says to me. She has been weird the past two days, though. She seems very confused."
"Confused? Confused that I didn't enjoy her little practical joke?"
"I don't know. I think you should try to make up with her or something."
"Who asked you?"
"Nobody. But—"
"First I have to get my revenge."
"Revenge? Rinoa, have you gone bananas, or what?"
"I've been thinking about it a lot, Squall."
"About what?"
"About revenge. Will you help me?"
"Help you do what?"
"Get revenge, of course."
"Rinoa, she's my sister. I mean, I've got to live with her, remember?"
"I'm not asking you to do anything too horrendous. I just want to embarrass and humiliate Selphie for life, the way she did to me."
"Well, that sounds perfectly reasonable."
"I think you're being sarcastic again, Squall."
"You're not as dumb as you look."
"You think I look dumb?"
"Rinoa, don't sound so hurt. That's an expression. It doesn't mean anything. I'm sorry. I didn't know my opinion meant anything to you."
"It doesn't. Now do you want to hear my idea?"
"No. But go ahead."
"You tell Selphie that you were talking to Irvine in gym class and that Irvine is nuts about Selphie and wants Selphie to call him."
"What?! Are you serious?"
"Of course I'm serious."
"But why would Selphie believe that?"
"You said she's got a crush on him, didn't you?"
"I said I thought maybe she has a crush on him."
"So, why won't she believe it?"
"Because she just pulled the same gag on you. She's not totally brain dead, you know."
"She'll fall for it."
"But it's the exact same joke!"
"That's why she'll fall for it. Who would be stupid enough to try the same exact joke on someone?"
"But if Irvine is so interested in Selphie, why hasn't he called her himself? Why hasn't he come by her locker or something? Why does she have to call him?"
"Because deep down underneath, he's really shy."
"Who would be stupid enough to believe that!?"
"I was!"
"Oh. Right. Well, I don't know, Rinoa. If I do this, then you'll be even with Selphie, and you'll make up with her?"
"Yes. Once she is humiliated for life and cannot show her face in school again, I'll be happy to make up with her."
"That sounds fair."
"Sarcasm, sarcasm. It's such a bad habit."
"I have a lot of bad habits. Want to hear some others?"
"Don't be such a pig, Squall. And don't change the subject. Will you do this or not?"
"Well, I don't know. I guess I could do it. But only to put an end to this stupid fight between you two."
"You're a pal, Squall. Tell Selphie that Irvine drools all over her yearbook picture every night."
"She isn't going to buy it. She's going to figure out that it's a gag."
"If she really has a crush on him, she'll want to believe it. Make it seem real, Squall. Get a scrap of paper. Write, 'Please call me' on it. You know, in funny handwriting. Sign it 'Irvine' and put his phone number on the bottom."
"I don't know, Rinoa. I can't—"
"Please, Squall. You want Selphie and me to be friends again, don't you?"
"Well, sure. But—"
"So, you're not playing a dirty trick on Selphie. You're doing her a favor. You're doing us all a favor."
"I guess—"
"After Selphie's embarrassment and humiliation wear off in a year or so, we'll be happy again—because of you."
"Well, if you put it that way…"
"You'll do it?"
"Yeah. Okay."
"Don't let me down, Squall. And let me know exactly what happens. Revenge isn't good unless you hear all the juicy details."
"Good night, Rinoa."
"See ya."
Chapter 6-part 2
Squall Calls Selphie
"Hello?"
"Hello, Selphie?"
"No. It's Xu. Who's this?"
"Squall. Can I talk to Selphie?"
"Selphie, it's your brother!"
"Squall?"
"Hi."
"What do you want? Why are you calling me at Xu's? We're studying for the chem exam."
"Well, I—"
"No. You can't listen to my tapes. You always put them back in the wrong boxes."
"Selphie, I don't want to listen to your tapes, believe me. Barry Manilow gets me too excited."
"Give me a break, Squall. I have only one Barry Manilow tape! And it was a present from someone."
"You bought it yourself, Selphie, and you've listened to it, too."
"Not very often. At least I don't waste my money on all that heavy-metal trash; all those ugly guys in black leather wearing makeup and screaming like banshees. How come you only listen to groups with guys who wear makeup, Squall? Don't you think that's a little strange?"
"No, I don't, Selphie. I think—"
"What do you want? You didn't call to discuss music, did you? Xu and I are trying to study."
"No. I called because I had some news I thought you'd want to hear."
"What's that? Your face cleared up? I'll hear about it on the eleven o'clock news."
"Stop laughing, Selphie. That wasn't funny. And tell Xu to stop laughing, too."
"It was too funny."
"You know, I'm calling because I'm a good brother and I heard something I knew you'd be interested in. Stop laughing!"
"I'm sorry. Stop laughing, Xu. Okay, she stopped. What did you want to tell me?"
"Just this. I had gym class today—"
" And they asked you to be second base? Ha-ha-ha!"
"Stop it, Selphie. Really. You're not funny. I'm trying to do you a favor, and all you do is—"
"Sorry. It's Xu. She's making me laugh. She just did the best imitation of you. She looked so serious and bookwormy."
"I give up."
"No. Come on, Squall. Lighten up."
"No. I give up."
"Don't be dramatic. Just tell me why you called. I won't interrupt. I promise."
"I just called because I had gym class this afternoon, and I was talking to Irvine, and Irvine said he really likes you, and he—"
"Irvine Hardesty said he like me? That's impossible."
"Irvine Hardesty? No, Selphie. Not Irvine Hardesty. Irvine Kinneas."
"Irvine Kinneas the basketball player?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he doesn't know me."
"I guess he does. He said he thought you were neat. He gave me a note to give to you."
"Irvine Kinneas?"
"Yes."
"What does the note say?"
"Selphie, I wouldn't read any of your personnel notes."
"What does it say?"
"It says, 'Please call me. Irvine.' And it's got his phone number on it."
"You're joking."
"No. I'm serious."
"He's got to be joking."
"I didn't think so. Irvine doesn't have much of a sense of humor. His idea of something funny is if some guy slams his hand in a locker door. That's about it."
"You're just putting him down because he likes me."
"Can you think of a better reason?"
"Read the note again, Squall."
"I don't have it. I put it on your dresser."
"You were in my room!?"
"I just put it on your dresser."
"Do you think I should call him tonight?"
"You could try, but I think he's got practice tonight."
"He really told you he thought I was neat?"
"Yeah. There's no accounting for taste."
"Why doesn't he call me?"
"I think he's kind of shy."
"I'm coming, Xu! Squall, I've got to get off the phone. Listen, thanks for calling."
"Any time."