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Chapter 7
Selphie Calls Irvine
"Hello?"
"Hello, Irvine? Do you know who this is?"
"Huh?"
"No? You'll have to guess."
"What?"
"I'll give you a hint. I have brown hair."
"Wait. I—"
"Don't you want to guess?"
"No. Susan, give me a break."
"Susan? No, it isn't Susan. Try again."
"Come on, Susan. What are you giving me a hard time for? First you wake me up from a nap. Then—"
"Hey, wait a minute. Is this Irvine?"
"What? Who?"
"Is this Irvine?"
"No."
"Isn't this 555-4334?"
"No, it isn't."
"Oh. I have the wrong number."
"Yes, you do."
"Sorry."
Slam!
#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#
"Hello?"
"Irvine?"
"No. This is Irvine's dad."
"Is Irvine there?"
"I think so. He was getting ready to go to practice. Hold on. I'll see if he left."
"Hello?"
"Hello, Irvine. How are you?"
"Hi. Sarah? What happened to your voice? You got a cold?"
"No, it isn't Sarah, Irvine."
"I didn't think so. You sure have a sexy voice."
"Thanks. So do you."
"Who is this?"
"You have to guess."
"What?"
"Can't you guess?"
"Uh—let me think. Are you in McSwail's homeroom?"
"No."
"I like that little giggle. I think I've heard it before. Do you have black hair?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Sure, I'm sure."
"This isn't Rosanna?"
"No. Not even close."
"Hmmm…"
"I'll give you one hint. I have brown hair."
"Yeah?"
"Can't you guess?"
"Hmmmmm…"
"Someone I know is in your gym class, and you said something to him."
"Hmmmm…"
"Doesn't it ring a bell?"
"No."
"Come on, Irvine."
"Give me another hint."
"Someone I know is in your gym class, and you said something to him about me."
"It is Rosanna!"
"No, it's not."
"Oh."
"You don't remember?"
"No. I don't think so."
"It's Selphie."
"Selphie?"
"Selphie Tilmitt."
"Huh? Do I know you?"
"Oh, God. Sorry."
Click!
Chapter 7-part 2
Selphie Calls Irvine Again
"Hi, Irvine. I'm sorry I hung up like that."
"No, it's Irvine's dad. I'll see if he's still here."
"Hello?"
"Hi, Irvine. It's me again."
"Selphie?"
"Yeah. I just wanted to say I'm sorry we got cut off like that."
"I thought maybe you hung up."
"Uh—no. My finger slipped."
"Oh."
"I didn't mean to cut you off. It was an accident."
"Yeah. I see. Well, it was nice of you to call back. I've go to go to practice."
"I know. I mean, your dad said you were getting ready to leave."
"Yeah. Coach doesn't like us to be late. If we're late, we do laps. Lots of laps."
"That's a downer."
"No, I don't mind. I kinda like doing laps. Keeps you in shape."
"Well, you're in great shape!"
"What?"
"I mean, I go to the games. You're really good."
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Well, I just wanted to apologize for hanging up—I mean, cutting us off like that."
"Yeah. Who are you again? You're not in McSwail's homeroom?"
"No, I'm a sophomore."
"Ha-ha! You don't sound like a sophomore."
"Is that a compliment?"
"Maybe. What's your last name?"
"Tilmitt. Selphie Tilmitt. I'm Squall's sister."
"What? Oh, now I get it!"
"What do you mean?"
"I get it. You're Squall's sister. Squall put you up to this, right?"
"Well, yes. I mean, no. What do you mean?"
"Why is Squall on my case?"
"On your case?"
"Yeah."
"I don't know what—"
"Why is he doing this to me? I didn't do anything to him. I hardly even know him."
"Irvine, I really don't think he's doing anything to you. He told me that—"
"Is this some sort of psych experiment, or something? Yeah. I'm sure, aren't I? Your brother is such a brain. He's probably doing some kind of psych experiment. And I'm his guinea pig. You're recording this, aren't you! You're helping him, right? Where is he? Put him on."
"No. You're crazy! I don't know what you mean."
"Come on, Selphie. I'm not as dumb as people think. I figured it out. Put Squall on. He's listening to this whole thing, right?"
No, he isn't. He isn't even home. He's studying at a friend's."
"Studying new ways to torture me. Tell him I don't want to play."
"Well, gee whiz, Irvine. I'm sorry if talking to me is what you call torture."
"What are you mad about? I didn't call you, did I? I didn't make you late for practice for some stupid psych experiment."
"I'm not a psych experiment!"
"Look, Selphie—I'm late for practice."
"You really didn't say anything to Squall about me in gym class?"
"I'm going to say a lot to him next time I see him."
"But you didn't say anything about me?"
"Huh-uh. How could I? I don't even know you."
"Maybe this is a psych experiment. And I'm the guinea pig."
"Ask your brother."
"I may murder him first."
"Well, he's your brother."
"Not really. My mother married his father. He came along as part of the package."
"Yeah. Look, I really don't have time to hear your family history, you know. I'm late."
"Okay, okay. So you're late. You don't have to be so nasty."
"Listen, have a nice life, okay? I've got to go. Really."
"Okay. I can take a hint."
"Come on, Selphie. Don't go away mad. Just go away. Ha-ha-ha!"
Click.
Chapter 7-part 3
Squall Calls Rinoa
"Hello?"
"Hello, Rinoa? This is Squall."
"I'll go get her, Squall. This is her mom."
"Hello?"
"Hi, Rinoa. It's me."
"Hi. Did you do it? Did you get Selphie to call Irvine?"
"I don't know. I'm not calling about that. I called about my chemistry notes. I'm studying over at Nida's. I can bring them over to you later. Okay?"
"Yeah. Sure. Whatever. I don't care. I just care about Selphie. Did you get her to call Irvine Kinneas?"
"Rinoa, I don't like the way you sound. This little joke we're playing on Selphie means too much on you."
"No, it doesn't. Getting revenge is the most important thing in my life right now, but it doesn't mean too much."
"You're sick, Rinoa."
"Your sister is the sicko. She started the whole thing, remember?"
"Yes. But—"
"So what happened?"
"Look, I'm at Nida's. We're studying. I don't have time to—"
"Sure, you do. What happened? Did you tell her?"
"To call Irvine? Yes."
"And did she?"
"I don't know. She wasn't home last night. She was at Xu's. And tonight I'm not home."
"So you don't know?"
"That's what I said. I don't know. I don't think she called last night, though. Listen, Rinoa, I feel terrible about doing this to her."
"Squall, it's too soon to feel terrible. Wait till she calls Irivne and totally embarrasses herself and has to run away from home and change her identity forever! Then feel terrible."
"But she's going to kill me! You know, brunettes have terrible tempers. It isn't just a stereotype. It's a true stereotype."
"Well, Squall, I didn't force you to do it. I didn't twist your arm."
"Selphie's going to twist my arm. She's going to twist my neck! She's going to twist everything! I'm going to look like a human pretzel for the rest of my life!"
"Oh, lighten up. It'll be worth it, won't it?"
"Worth it? Have you truly gone nuts? How will it be worth it!"
"Stop shouting at me."
"You're right. I've got to cool it. I've got to calm down. I might be worrying for no reason. She probably won't even call Irvine."
"Won't call him? What do you mean? She'd better call him!"
"Now you stop shouting, Rinoa. You tricked me into doing this. You hypnotized me or something."
"I couldn't hypnotize you. How could I hypnotize you? You have to have a brain to be hypnotized!"
"Oh, listen to her. She made a joke! Better go write that down in your diary. 'Made up my first joke today.'"
"You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of humor."
"Where'd you read that—in a Little Golden Book? Why don't you write that in your diary, too?"
"I don't keep a diary, Squall."
"Of course not. Your life is too boring even for you to write about."
"At least I go out on dates, Squall. I don't sit at home watching horror movies on the VCR every weekend of my life!"
"I watch horror movies because they remind me of you!"
"You watch horror movies because you're a social retard!"
"I must be a retard! I talk to you!"
"That's so juvenile!"
"Juvenile enough for you to understand?"
"You're just jealous of me because I'm popular."
"Popular? Popular? You weren't too popular with Irvine Kinneas, were you? Ha-ha!"
"Oh. That's low. That's low even for you."
"I know. But it's not too low for you! Ha-ha!"
"Stop laughing. Just shut up!"
"You shut up!"
"You shut up first. You're such a pig, Squall. Good-bye."
"Oink-oink."
"So when will you bring the chemistry notes over? About ten?"
"Yeah. Okay. About ten."
"See you later."
"Right. See you later."