History of Magic was typically underwhelming, the only vaguely interesting part being when Professor Binns floated through the blackboard. After that, the majority of the class promptly fell asleep or zoned out. Time crawled as Binns droned on about the Third Goblin-Dwarf Conflict of 1583. It was physically painful to listen to the ghost, like screws slowly being drilled into my skull. Needless to say, we were more than relieved when class let out.

"You know, I think I actually got stupider during that class," Draco said, rubbing the side of his face where the desk had left a pink mark.

"Is that even possible?" I asked, turning down a narrow stairway.

"I didn't--" He paused, noticing my grin. "Shut up, Zabini. You know better than to mess with my head this early."

"Draco, it's lunch time. I don't think it's early by anyone's standards."

"Give me a break, Blaise. Just because you actually stay awake during History of Magic doesn't give you the right to make fun of the rest of us."

"All right, fine," I said, pushing open a portrait and slipping into the Entrance Hall. "Let's just get to lunch before I die of starvation."

"That's the first intelligent thing you've said today." Draco glanced behind him, making sure Crabbe and Goyle hadn't gotten lost. "Come on, you two. We haven't got all day."

We waited impatiently for Crabbe and Goyle to catch up, then made our way through the mob entering the Great Hall. Thunder rumbled overhead as we took our usual spots, the clouds dark with impending rain.

My gaze wandered from the enchanted ceiling to the High Table, where Professor Sprout was having a rather animated conversation with Madam Hooch. On Hooch's other side was Professor Snape, looking unusually surly, and next to him...

"You have /got/ to be kidding me!"

Several people turned to stare at me, but I ignored them and spun to face Draco. "/Please/ tell me that's not our new professor."

"Actually, it is," Pansy said with a smirk, clearly enjoying seeing me in a panic. "Why? Do you know her?"

I let my head fall against the table. "Oh God, this is cannot be happening to me."

"Obviously, it can," said Draco, sounding mildly concerned for my mental well-being. "So why don't you tell me what you're freaking out about?"

I muttered something unprintable before lifting my head to look Draco in the eye. "That's my aunt."

Draco's eyebrows shot up. "That's her?" he asked, glancing from me to her. "The bipolar one?"

"Well, obviously," I snapped. "I've only got one."

"Relax, Blaise," Draco said patiently. "She just doesn't look very crazy is all."

He did have a point there. Aunt Fae was currently in deep conversation with Professor McGonagall, looking for all the world like a completely normal person (ha!). With her dark hair and Zabini blue eyes, she looked more like a model than anything else. She's the last person you'd expect hunting down dark creatures, but she's actually quite good at it. Well, she hasn't been killed yet, and that says a lot in her line of business.

"Besides," Draco continued, "She can't be that barmy if Dumbledore hired her, can she?"

I laughed humorlessly. "Draco, in the four years we've been here, we've had two Death Eaters, a werewolf, and a brainless git teaching us Defense. Tell me how that's supposed to instill confidence in the headmaster's hiring skills."

"Point taken," Draco said, laughing. "But as long as she's better than Lockhart, I'll be happy."

"My, you've got high standards, haven't you?" I said sarcastically.

"Lighten up, Blaise," he said, biting into an apple. "It won't be that bad."

"Of course not. It'll be worse."

"Blaise..." Draco sighed, apparently deciding not to push the issue. "Come on, we've got Transfiguration next, and I'm not about to be the one that makes us late this time." He stood, then grabbed an apple off the table and tossed it to me. "Here. You can eat this on the way."

"I'm not hungry," I said, getting up as well.

"I don't care. I'm not going to let you pass out during class because you refused to eat lunch."

I glared. "What are you, my mother?"

"Yes. Now hurry up."

Realizing resistance was futile, I did as he asked.

Is it just me, or is the whole world conspiring against me?

*******

"Mister Zabini!"

I jumped and turned to face an irate Professor McGonagall. Desperately trying to remember what I'd done this time, I smiled innocently. "Yes, Professor?"

"Kindly explain why there is a crow on your desk."

I glanced at the bird, which seemed content to scatter my parchment across the floor. "Well, I transfigured it that way, Professor."

"And why was that?" she asked, clearly annoyed. "I believe I specifically instructed you to transfigure your feather into a dove."

Indeed, every other person in the class had white, feathery creature in front of them. However, I noted with satisfaction that very few looked much like doves.

"I must've missed that part." I said calmly. "I'll fix that right now."

I muttered a few words and flicked my wand at the crow. There was a soft popping sound and a dove appeared where the crow had been a moment earlier. Several of my classmates rolled their eyes before turning back to their own birds.

McGonagall looked rather exasperated, but all she said was, "Do try to pay more attention next time, Mister Zabini."

"Of course, Professor," I said in the most respectful tone I could muster. "It won't happen again."

Once McGonagall had left to inspect some unfortunate student's work, a balled up piece of parchment landed on my desk. I glanced around, both to be sure McGonagall hadn't seen and to find who'd thrown it, and caught Pansy's eye.

Oh joy. Just what I need.

I flattened the note on my desk as quietly as I could, trying not to draw any attention, and read:

/Zabini--/

I wonder if she even knows my first name. Heaven knows she's never used it.

/Will you stop being such a damn showoff?/

Miss Parkinson, such language is not befitting of a lady! Oh, that's right. You aren't one.

/For someone who likes a low profile, you sure bring a lot of attention to yourself. Be normal for once and stop trying to make the rest of us look bad!/

She hadn't bothered to sign the note. I briefly considered sending a reply that detailed what an evil bitch she was and how much I'd like to throw her from the top of a tower, but deemed it undignified and immature. Instead, I settled for something simple and to the point.

I flipped the note over and wrote neatly:

/Dearest Pansy--

Kiss my ass.

All my love,
Blaise/

I crumpled the parchment, checked discreetly for unwanted witnesses, then lobbed the thing back onto Pansy's desk.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the girl skim over the note, glare at me, then make an extremely rude gesture with her hand.

I smirked. My people skills never cease to amaze me.

*******

A/N: I don't know if anyone noticed, but the rating went up to PG13. This is simply because Blaise's mouth is a lot dirtier than I originally thought. Also, I wasn't planning on having Blaise's aunt in this story at all; she was just going to be one of those characters that is referred to but never actually seen. Fae, however, had different plans, and had a discussion with me that involved a lot of shouting and a remarkably big knife. Thus, she is now included.

Next Chapter: Family discussions. What is Blaise's aunt doing at Hogwarts (besides teaching, obviously)? Is she really as psycho as he says she is? What sort of food do house elves serve at four-thirty in the morning? Does Arithmancy actually have a point?

Gkey: Believe me, I was just as happy about my updating as you were. I didn't like not being able to upload, not at all! Oh well, now I'm two chapters ahead, so unless there's more technical difficulty, I should have the next ones out on time.

Faxton: I have to agree with you about Blaise being normal, though his extreme attractiveness might be debatable (I don't think Pansy would agree). Your hunch about the Defense teacher is right; there will be a few interesting things about her, but you'll have to wait a bit to find out most of them. She's rather multi-dimentional, if you know what I mean. Thank you again for being such a loyal reviewer! It's nice to know my story's interesting enough to keep coming back to.

JeanB: I'm glad I could give you something a little different to lighten your day. Thanks for the review!

Porphyrophobic Grape: Ha, I'm sure there are a lot of guys that have become porphyrophobic since Tinky-Winky decided to sport the color. You know, /you/ could start that boy-Blaise fansite. I doubt he's got any at all. I could always do it too, I suppose, but then it'd have to wait until my internet gets fixed. According to my provider I should see a "marked improvement" by the end of the week, so I'm guessing I'll be able to stay connected for, say, fifteen minutes at a time. Joy. Thanks for reviewing!

Once again, thanks to all who reviewed. It's incredibly cool to know people enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoy writing it.