The Question of Inevitability
Author: Knowhere
Chapter 3: Swept
Rating: Pg-13
Disclaimer: Nothing
AN: Thank you for your great responses. Though I really focus on Jess, some of that is taken away and placed on Rory in the near future; but overall I want to make this more Jess-centered since the last fic was centered around mostly Rory; and as you already know, in here Rory was the one who left Jess, not the other way around. I must say, this whole sadness and angst stuff writes so much more fluidly than other topics—I am really enjoying this.
Side Note: katem-23—Not only am I pleased, but I am also extremely honored that you would be reading my story. I really enjoy your writing…thanks.
Summary: Rory left in search of an answer to the question that she didn't know how to ask. Now five years later she comes back to the city where she abruptly ended her life with Jess. Does he have the ability to forgive her? Literati/Au/Future Fic
Jess staggered out of his bedroom with his hair damp and the blue stripped shirt clinging onto the moisture on his skin. He rubbed his eyes with both weary hands and struggled to look half way decent. He silently chuckled at the smell of pancakes and eggs coming from the kitchen with the undeniable aroma of freshly brewed coffee. "At least you're good for something."
Ben turned around and smiled and handed Jess breakfast. Ben had always had a knack for cooking, and much like Jess, he could always surprise a girl with the culinary skills that seemed to be rare among young guys in the city. When they roomed together in college, they never ran into the problem of what to have for dinner. It was another common thing that seemed to bond Jess and Ben together.
Jess dug into his second pancake while washing it down with the coffee and he looked at his friend while he came to join Jess at the table. "Geez Ben, you need a little more sleep. You still look like hell."
"Yeah, and that sunshine-y face of yours is a lot better to look at. You look worse than I do…absolute shit, man. Take the day off, we can hang out and complain about how sucky our lives have become." The sarcasm dripped from Ben's voice and they both seemed to always enjoy the other's sense of cynicism—it was comforting for the both of them to know that they could actually communicate in their own odd way.
"If I could, I would. But I can't; there's a meeting today and Rob is kicking off this new phase or section or whatever new thing he wants to do with our department."
Ben shrugged his shoulders and continued to eat his sunny-side up eggs. "That's alright, I've got to go back to the apartment and pick up some stuff anyways. Don't want to be crowding your bachelor pad forever."
Jess stopped and seriously replied, "You can stay as long as you need."
Ben nodded and suddenly realized exactly what Jess was referring to. Not wanting to upset him, Ben just stared at his plate while Jess seemed to already be lost in his own world.
(Flashback)
The constant knocking on the door finally woke Ben from his sleep. Grumbling about nothing in particular, Ben threw back the covers and jogged to his door to see who was banging at his door at three in the morning. Seeing Jess, he immediately opened the door to find that his friend was drenched in the rain and looking like a train ran over his entire body.
"Oh geez, what the hell Jess? You okay?" Ben was shocked to find Jess at his doorstep without a phone call to notify him or anything. Sure they often popped up at each other's apartments in the middle of the night, but never without a phone call to let the other know what was happening.
Ben ushered his friend into the apartment and left him on the couch to grab a clean shirt and sweatpants for Jess to change into. When he came back, Jess had left his place on the couch and went over to the window to stare at the rain. "Here are some clean clothes, man."
Jess simply just nodded and continued to stare outside. Ben sat down on the couch and looked to his friend. He wasn't able to see his face, but he knew that Jess was reluctant to have Ben see him like this. They were never ones to show much emotions and Ben knew that something big was definitely up with Jess. Still not speaking, Ben just silently watched his friend's back, ready to listen.
After twenty minutes Jess tilted his head slightly to glance at Ben, but still not fully looking at his friend. "She left." Jess whispered so softly that at first Ben didn't know if he heard him right.
"Rory?" Ben didn't know why he even bother to ask if it was Rory or not—who else would Jess be talking about or even get upset about anyone except for Rory?
With a bitter laugh that even shocked Ben, Jess nodded his head slowly several times as if to tell himself. "Yeah, Rory. I came home. She was crying. I tried to help. She just left." He spoke in short sentences and Ben knew precisely why. He could hear the thick emotions that were in Jess's voice and he also knew that his friend would break down if he didn't keep his sentences short.
"Yup." Jess answered once again and he bit his lower lip, ran a hand through his hair, and let out a depressed sigh. He turned back to the window and reached out to gently touch the glass. He swallowed and blinked back a couple tears. "She just… left…just…gone…"
Even though Ben knew Jess was seriously upset, he never asked anything more about that night. He thought it would be better if Jess would try to let go; but after a while Ben knew that Jess would never be able to forget someone like Rory, especially since they had such an intense relationship. But he just didn't know how to comfort his distraught friend, so he did what Jess silently asked him to—to drop it, to not talk about it. He just always placed a taboo on that topic. Jess never seemed to want to talk about his past especially the parts with Rory, and granted the fact that almost all of his past included Rory, Jess never talked about anything but the present and the future. Ben never found out what really happened that night and he knew the reason he never asked was because Jess didn't know how to answer. So they just always just swept it under the rug as some horrible memory that no one spoke of…
(End of Flashback)
Jess shook his head to pull his thoughts back into a fixed place. He quickly glanced at Ben and he saw that he had a guilty expression on his face. Choosing to ignore the look, Jess hurriedly grabbed his coat from behind his chair and hastily replied, "I've gotta go to work. I'll see you later."
Ben closed his eyes and hung his head, knowing that Jess is trying to escape the awkwardness of the moment by running away. Squinting he winced and whispered, "I'm sorry Jess."
Whether Ben was apologizing for bringing up the sore topic or for the current situation, Jess didn't exactly what he was apologizing for. So instead he retorted with an almost inaudible, "Me too Ben." He closed the door behind him and just left Ben to ponder the reason for his words.
Nodding his head at no one, Ben drops his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter that even prompted Oliver to glance up at him. "Yeah…I'm sorry." He spoke to thin air—to nobody. Even though Ben and Jess apologized to each other about different things, both men realized that sorry wasn't enough. Sorry wasn't going to help them get up for another day, and sorry wasn't going to erase their pain that seemed to flood their lives.
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With the late night of sitting in silence with Ben and the morning of awkward memories, Jess straggled into his office as if he had already put in an eighteen-hour work day. His co-workers saw his expression and even Rob knew not to approach Jess. People at work and those others who knew Jess on a daily basis knew that sometimes the man was just not in the mood for company. Even though he had came a long way from his old detached personality, there were some days that people just understood and kept their distance from Jess. He comprehended the fact that most newcomers looked at him with jealousy for his ability to dig out the real story, but he knew the real reason that most people at work didn't talk to him was simply because they were scared. And yet, he didn't mind. As long as he got the job done, Jess didn't seem to be bothered by other people's slight aversion to his rough personality. Rob didn't bother him either, and sometimes even admired the younger man to be able to accomplish so much with an isolated passion that was uncommon for a guy of Jess's age.
He plopped onto his leather chair and flipped on the computer monitor and watched and waiting for it to whirr to life. Jess swiftly glanced at the clock and realized that he had a staff meeting in fifteen minutes and he took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair to calm himself down and to try to release some of that unwanted tension. It was going to be a long day for him and at eight o'clock in the morning, he already felt like he needed to go home.
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Rory looked around her modest office nervously. She had been working for The Times for less than a week and she had yet to officially meet the rest of the staff in her department. She sat in her uncomfortable chair and tapped her foot incessantly; she peered down at her feet and silently chided herself. She had worked for big news companies before, in fact, she had worked for The Washington Post for a couple years, where she dominated the other staff writers with her unique ability to express emotions fluidly with simple words. So why was she so nervous today? Rory took another sip of her coffee and decided to drop by the bathroom before the meeting…just in case; she didn't want to run into any problems in the middle of the discussion.
She had ten minutes before the meeting and she gathered her folders, pens, and anything else she thought she'd need with her and headed over to the conference room.
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Jess stood up and grabbed a black folder and prepared himself for an hour of sitting and talking with his co-workers. It wasn't that he didn't like to exchange ideas or see how people reacted to his writing; he just wasn't in the mood for people today. Taking a deep breath he was just about to leave when he hears a gentle knock on his door. Seeing Rob at the door, he nods his head at him—a subtle acknowledgment of his presence.
Rob prided himself on knowing Jess better than anyone in the office and he knew that look on his friend. He knew that less words spoken with Jess was always the better choice on these days. And with one glimpse at Jess, he knew that it was a perfect time to offer him another option for his career. "Jess, why don't you take the day off? Come see me tomorrow, I have this new position that I think would better suit you."
"What?" Jess was shocked. Was he firing him? But then again, he did say that there was another position, and nobody knew his writing abilities better than Rob.
"There's a position open that's more like a free-lance writing under the company name. It requires more travel than your current position and I think it'd do you some good to get out of this city once in a while. Think about it tonight and if it seems interesting then come in tomorrow and we can work out the finer details. Okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Thanks." Jess didn't actually need any time to think about it. He already knew that was what he really wanted to do. He wanted to write but not like a novelist, and he wanted to escape the city, but he also wanted to be able to come back and see it as his home. It was perfect for him.
"Good. I think this is much more suited for you." With a pat on Jess's back, Rob closed the door to the spacious office and walked side by side in companionable silence to the elevator where Jess descended onto the ground floor, and Rob proceeded to the meeting room.
AN: Thanks again for reading. Check back soon (within the week) I have the next one ready…I just need to do a little proofing. Let me know what you think.