Welcome if you're a new reader, and welcome also to those that have already read and reviewed this story. I have gone through this entire story, and tried my best to alter stuff that was blindingly obviously wrong. There's nothing new, but the scenes from New Earth should now be much more accurate (well as accurate as I could make them), and there should be fewer sentences that don't make any sense.
Disclaimer:
Star trek voyager belongs to paramount. It does not belong to me,
however, the air does not belong to me and I still breathe it.
Summary: It's a J/C, I promise, it's set just after the book
'the farther shore' which is the second part to 'home coming', which
are set the moment the cameras stop filming on endgame. I've tried
not to base this entirely on them, so you should be okay if you
haven't read them.
Note: This jumps from place to place, and
there are new characters introduced, but it should all come together
towards the end.
The story:
Chapter 1: 'better than
Chakotay would ever know her'
He didn't really have a name. He
didn't need one; it changed so often, it was sometimes hard to keep
track. He always tried to remember his name, just in case some one
asked for it, but he had been caught out on several occasions and
left people very confused.
It was just the way he worked.
People gave him names, Janeway and Kemp called him Paul, but called
him something completely different to his face. Obi called him
Jersey, as that was where they had met. StarFleet had given him a
number. He'd forgotten what his mother had named him, after years
of blocking out the memories. And in his mind, he called himself 'The
Best'.
"Starfleet really need to step up security,"
he muttered under his breath, as he glided easily through each
computer system, each one revealing something new and disastrous. He
was getting close.
Sat in a dark room, the only light coming
from the illuminated computer consoles, it was a wander he wasn't
pale. But he did get out, sometimes.
V
She heard him
enter the room, but didn't look up. She was trying her best to appear
to be reading the report, but his eyes could be felt on her back, and
she was finding it highly distracting.
"Morning," he
said, crossing the room. He should have guessed that she would be
like this: not looking at him, not talking to him; he was losing her
again.
"Morning," her voice was blunt, and caused a
shiver to run down his spine.
"Kathryn," he started,
but didn't really know what to say next. "Kathryn, don't do
this." His voice wasn't as gentle and controlled as it was
normally was, but sounded desperate and exhausted. Exhausted from the
on going battle, and desperate not to lose her while they were so
close.
She didn't want to meet Chakotay's eyes; she knew the
moment she did so, that she would lose, and Kathryn Janeway hated
losing. Although this time, it was taking all her strength to stop
herself from wanting to lose, and in a way, she had already lost.
He
was sitting opposite her with a mug of coffee, studying her face,
trying to work her out. She discarded, putting it to one side, and
put an elbow on the table, resting her head in her finger tips. All
the time looking down.
"Chakotay it wouldn't work,"
she said eventually, close to breaking.
There was a pause. A
very long pause.
Why
didn't he say anything? Out of the corner of her eye she saw him
slouch back into the seat opposite, his bare chest on full display,
rising and falling with each breath. "Why not?" he asked
eventually.
Kathryn wanted to avoid an argument, knowing that
if they argued she would say something regrettable, that would no
doubt hurt him. And the last thing she wanted do, was to hurt him.
But unknowingly that was exactly what she was doing by saying nothing
at all.
Chakotay wanted her to shout at him, he wanted her to
give him all of the reasons why they couldn't be together. Any
emotion was better than none at all, was better than denial.
V
One person that knew Janeway better than she knew herself though, better than Chakotay would ever know her, and probably better than anyone else in the entire universe, was Tad. Even though they hadn't seen each other in over seven years, he was adamant that he would still be able to read her like a book.
"Name," the ensign asked him.
"Satriani," he stated.
"Satriani." the ensign looked up the civilian, waiting for a surname.
"Yeah, that's right." He totally missed the point of the ensign's enquiry into his name.
The ensign wrote down 'Satriani' onto the pad. It wasn't unusual for people leaving Cardassia or arriving, to want to keep their true identities secret. There were still a lot of anti-Cardassian feelings among the federation, and those helping to rebuild the planet were often seen as traitors.
Tad was perfectly aware of how people saw him, and to be honest he didn't really care. He slung the shoulder strap of his bag over his head, and walked onto the transport ship.
V
"Join Starfleet," Kemp muttered under his breath, "see the universe," he muttered some more, marching down the clean, grey corridors of Starfleet. "I should have listened to my mother," he continued turning a corner and reaching a dead end. He twisted back around and marched in another direction.
This was it. They really had crossed the line this time. He was going to throttle each and every one of them, one by one, and he was going to enjoy it. He had to warn Kathryn before they got to her, and destroyed her like they had done him.
"Who the hell are you?" he was sure that this was Kathryn's apartment, he poked a head inside, yes it was her apartment.
"Who the hell are you?" the man wearing only pants asked equally as furious.
"What are you? a parrot?" Kemp pulled a face, "is Kathryn here?"
Chakotay frowned, only her friends called her by her first name. He hadn't even ever heard Tuvok call her by the name Kathryn.
"Alex, come in," they both turned to see Kathryn standing just outside her office door and then make her way down towards them. Kemp pushed his way passed Chakotay and into the apartment, as he walked passed the man he gave him a brief glare.
"Chakotay, this is a friend of mine Alexander Kemp, Alex this is Chakotay." She was developing a headache; she didn't want the two of them to meet each other like this, and in a selfish way she didn't want them to meet at all.
Chakotay took the hint and excused himself to go and get changed, walking into Kathryn's bedroom.
Alex frowned, and looked after the closed door Chakotay had gone through. "Are you two...?" he pulled a face, which made her laugh.
She sobered, "it's complicated," she explained.
"Wasn't he your commander on voyager?" she nodded, and he finally sensed that she may not want to talk about it, so let the topic slip, she'd tell him when she felt like it. Right now there was a more important matter at hand. "Kathryn, what ever you do, don't teach at the academy!"
V
He wasn't sleeping easily, as he normally did. There was something wrong, he didn't know what. Something just didn't feel right. Chakotay didn't know what was wrong, but knew that it had something to do with Kathryn. But didn't it always.
He woke up again with a start, this time what was bothering him was a little more clear, but still all messed up. He was on new earth with Kathryn, but his dreams had been messing with his memories, picking away at them, and inventing new parts. But the new parts seemed so real, so clear, and it had taken him to go back and read through his logs of that time to just make sure that he wasn't going mad.
There was something missing though, although they were only dreams, not real, there was something missing, a link- but dreams didn't need to make sense he reasoned with himself. He lay on his back and closed his eyes, again falling back to sleep.
V
End of chapter 1.
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