Lost Love

Chapter 4

Omasu slammed her chopsticks down and glared at Misao.  "The seventh month!  You were in love with him in the seventh month?!  You didn't tell us until he'd been here almost a year!"

Misao giggled slightly.  "You guys are terrible about teasing!  Plus- "

She paused in thought.  "How would you have taken it?  I had been in love with Aoshi since I was BORN practically.  And wasn't it kind of cute?  The current female okashira in love with her predecessor.  You know, little Misao and her Aoshi-sama.  It had been that way all my life.  And then to fall in love with someone who used to be the enemy.  You would have flipped out.  I mean, you did anyway, but I wanted to avoid that until we were steadier as a couple."

Omasu resumed eating.  "Yeah, well.  You still should have told us."

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They all settled back in the sitting room after lunch.  Aoshi sat next to Misao this time instead of across from her.  After hearing about her affections changing, he felt a need to be near her.  Somehow wanting to let her know how he felt without saying anything.  She gave him a ghost of her bright smile and began again. 

"As I said at lunch, we decided to keep things quiet for a while."

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Soujiro and Misao linked arms as they strolled through the market.  "It's hard to keep things hidden from your family."

Misao smirked at her new love.  "They consider you almost family, you know."

Soujiro smiled his true, bright smile that made Misao's heart flutter.  "I can't wait to tell them how we feel about each other."

Misao led Soujiro to the riverbank, their favorite place to sit and talk.  "We need to discuss something.  I know how I feel about you and I'm confident now that it is love.  But, I can't get Aoshi-sama out of my mind."

Soujiro sighed.  "I figured.  You have been in love with him all your life.  It won't fade overnight.  I'm patient, though.  I'll wait until you're ready

to go to the next stage."

Misao smiled at him and her bottom lip trembled.  "You're so understanding.  I feel like I don't deserve this.  You're so kind to me and you always worry about how I'll feel about something.  And then here I am, in love with you, but still holding on to my feelings for Aoshi-sama.  You deserve someone who loves you and only you."

Soujiro tilted her face up.  "Listen to me.  I have never felt this way for someone.  Even if you told me right now, that you want to call this off so you can pursue Aoshi again, I would still love you.  You're this bright light that draws me closer every time I'm around you.  And I can't wait until I'm finally consumed by the source."  He gave her a small kiss.  Just a brush of lips, but enough to let her know he was sincere. 

Misao's lips tingled and her heart hammered in her chest.  "Soujiro, I think it would help if I go and tell Aoshi-sama how I feel about you."

Soujiro nodded.  "Whatever you need to do, however much time you need.  I'll wait for you to be ready."  He kissed her hand and stood.  "I'll give you some time to think."

Misao smiled in gratitude and stared out at the water.

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Her sandals made soft pats on the wood floors of the temple.  She rounded the corner and opened the door to the room Aoshi meditated in.  His sudden speech startled her.

"I don't know why you bother to make noise.  I'll sense you anyway."

Misao almost turned and fled.  She didn't want to talk to him about this.  She was certain she would cry and smile and laugh and look completely insane, but it had to be done. 

He turned to look at her as she remained silent, curious about her odd behavior.  She felt her breath catch as she looked into the eyes that stole her heart so many years ago.  "Aoshi-sama, I need to discuss something important with you."

He gestured to the mat next to him and she situated herself.  She stared at her hands, wondering how to say what she needed to say and gathering her courage at the same time.  Her stomach twisted in knots and she felt her hands go clammy.

Aoshi looked at her pale face and noticed beads of sweat forming on her brow.  "It won't be any easier to discuss if you wait longer.  Go ahead.  You can talk to me."

She wanted to cry at the gentleness in his tone.  Don't be sweet now.  Don't be kind and attentive.  You'll ruin it all, Aoshi-sama.  Please, be your normal stoic self.  This once, I need you to be as distant as you always are to me.  Please.

"Well, Aoshi-sama.  I know I've made my feelings toward you clear.  And, I can't deny that I still feel that way to some extent."

Aoshi's stomach began to twist as well.  What is she saying?  And why do I feel so odd?

"Over the past couple of months, Soujiro and I have been together.  As in a couple.  We love each other and though I still have some feelings for you, I believe those to be more family type feelings and not the love I thought it was.  I came here to let you know so that maybe I can move on and be there for Soujiro as he's there for me."

She closed her eyes, the tears now slipping freely.  "I came here to let you go."

She got up and ran from the temple, crying. 

Aoshi sat there in a state of semi-shock.  He knew Misao and Soujiro were getting close, but to actually hear her say she was letting him go.  Misao had always been there for him.  He realized he had always taken her for granted.  Maybe he didn't love her the way she had wanted, but she was HIS little Misao.  She was the one who brought him tea and tried to make him smile.  Aoshi ran a hand through his hair and sighed.  "Why do I feel so jealous?"

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A week later, Misao and Soujiro were walking in the forest, admiring the leaves as they changed to signal autumn.  Misao broke the silence.  "I know the leaves change because they're dying, but they're the most beautiful at this time of year.  It's strange."

Soujiro smiled.  "No heavy thoughts today.  Just enjoy the scenery."  He took Misao's hand and laced his fingers with hers.  "I hate to go back on what I just said, but you never told me what happened when you spoke to Aoshi."

Misao leaned against a tree.  "I told him I was letting him go.  And though it tore me apart when I said it, I feel wonderful now.  This tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders and everything is becoming clear where it was muddled before."

Soujiro bit his bottom lip.  "So, are you ready to be fully attuned to me?"

Misao let her inhibitions go.  Out here in the woods, there was no call for propriety with Soujiro.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.  It was chaste at first, but she wouldn't pull back and he wasn't about to either.  She pushed her lips against his a little more forcefully and he pushed back.  Finally, he ran a tongue along her lips and she opened her mouth, inviting him to be her first real kiss.  When they broke apart, Misao smiled devilishly at him.  "Does that answer your question?"

Soujiro smirked.  "No.  I think I may need you to tell me again."

Misao laughed and kissed him again.  "And that's the last time I'm telling you!"

Soujiro chuckled.  "You may want to do that again."

Misao quirked an eyebrow.  "Why?"

"Because I've been saving up to get you this."  He pulled a small box from his sleeve and opened it to reveal a beautiful green stone that matched her eyes set in a silver band.  "I'm not really familiar with western traditions, but this one I do know and I like it."  He dropped to one knee.  "Misao Makimachi, will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

Misao felt her eyes mist over and she grabbed him in a fierce hug.  "Of course I will!  I love you!"

Soujiro whispered in kind as he held on to her just as firmly.  He pulled back and placed the ring on her left hand.  "There.  Now everyone will know you're spoken for."

Misao giggled.  "I can't wait to go tell everyone.  Come on, let's go tell them!"

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Misao told them the news and held out her hand with the ring proudly.  The room was silent and they all just gaped at the pair. 

Okina cleared his throat.  "You two?"

A nod from them both.

"A couple?"

Another nod. 

"And you're getting married?"

Misao sighed.  "I know it's a shock, but I wanted to wait until I had some things figured out.  We've been together for a few months and I didn't want to tell you anything until we were sure it would remain that way."

Okon and Omasu walked over and grabbed one arm each.  "We're going to talk."

That left Soujiro with the penetrating glares of the male Oniwabanshuu members.  Okina didn't say much.  He was too busy fighting back the tears after hearing his Misao was getting married.  Shiro and Kuro locked Soujiro in place with their gazes. 

Kuro walked over so he could tower over the smaller man.  "Will you take care of her?"

"Hai.  Hai.  Of course I will."

Shiro joined him.  "Will you promise to never break her heart?"

"That's the last thing I would EVER intentionally do."

Aoshi spoke up from his corner.  "Do you love her more than you ever thought possible?"

Soujiro smiled softly.  It had to be hard on Aoshi.  Even if he didn't love Misao, it must still hurt just a little to hear someone no longer loves you in that way.  "Every time I think about what life would be like if I never stopped by, or if I had never told her how I felt, or if I had taken that promotion in Tokyo, it threatens to tear me apart.  And then I see her, just see her no matter what she's doing or what she's dressed in, and I feel whole again.  Even when she says she's at her worst, she's still absolutely radiant to me.  If we ever got separated for some reason, I don't think I could go on."

Aoshi nodded at him.  "Then you have my blessing."

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Okon and Omasu were interrogating Misao in the living room.  "What about Aoshi-san?  Don't you love him anymore?"

Misao put up her hands to ward off the oncoming questions.  "Wait!  Wait!  One at a time.  First of all, yes I do love Aoshi-sama, but not in that way anymore.  It's turned into more of a family fondness.  After all, when your feelings and affections are unreturned and someone else does return them, things start to be seen in a different light."

Okon shook her head, one hand to her forehead as though she were in pain.  "Did you talk to Aoshi-san first?"

Misao nodded and then smiled sadly.  "I had to let him go."

Omasu wrapped an arm around her.  "Do you really love Soujiro or is it just that you want to be loved by someone?"

Misao looked directly into her eyes.  "He's amazing.  How could I NOT love him?"

Okon smiled then for the first time.  "Then you must hang on and never let him go."

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Misao sighed in happy remembrance.  "Those were wonderful days.  I don't really think it set in for any of you until we started making wedding plans."

Omasu giggled.  "That was one heck of a fiasco.  Nothing seemed to be going right, but it all came together in the end."

Okon laughed.  "Isn't that how wedding plans usually go?"

Misao leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.  "Everything was magnificent for three blissful years.  Not only did Soujiro and I grow more in love as time wore on, but he still treated me as if I was a princess.  He took me to dinner once a week, bought me lovely gifts and the finest kimonos, there was nothing I couldn't have.  Plus, Aoshi and I became best friends.  He finally stopped living in the past and opened up more.  The Aoiya was flourishing and then Soujiro and I decided to have our first baby.  I felt like the luckiest woman in the world."

She opened her eyes and they glistened with tears.  "And then there was

that cursed assignment."

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Saitou showed up in all his wolfish glory, teasing Misao and glaring at all who dared to look at him.  Finally, Soujiro came home from work.

"Saitou-san!  What brings you here?"  Soujiro's famous smile slipped easily into place.

Saitou motioned for him to join him outside.  "I would have spoken to you at the station, but when I returned from my rounds, they said you left a little early."

Soujiro blinked at him.  "Am I in trouble for coming home early?"

Saitou lit up a cigarette.  "Ahou.  I told you yesterday that you should leave early today.  What I came here about was an assignment that you need to go on."

Soujiro frowned slightly.  "Do I have to leave home for it?"

"Yes."

"For how long?"

Saitou took a leisurely drag on his cigarette.  "It should only take three weeks, at the most.  It's just an information gathering mission.  There's a drug cartel setting up residence in Yokohama and we need to get some leads before we can begin a real investigation."

Soujiro nodded.  "And you want me to go."

Saitou nodded.  "That's the plan.  The pay is good, if that's what you're concerned about.  It'll be more than enough to buy everything you'll need for the baby."

Soujiro's eyes lit up.  "Well, I guess I'll go then.  It's just information gathering and only three weeks.  And then Misao and I won't have to worry about anything for the baby."

Saitou flicked his cigarette onto the dirt path.  "Be at the station at dawn tomorrow.  A carriage will take you to the train station from there."

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Misao choked back a sob.  "I understood why he would leave, but it still bothered me that he would be gone.  And then a week after he left that damned wolf came by.  He never brings good news."

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Misao hung up the last of the laundry when there was a soft knock at the gate.  She made her way over to the gate and cracked it open.  She was about to make a nasty comment when she got a good look at Saitou's face.  He looked sad, almost compassionate.  Her stomach began to twist and turn and her heart beat unmercifully in her chest. 

"Seta-san, I'm afraid there's no easy way to say this.  During the mission, Soujiro and a few of the other men investigating, got too close to the source and were found out.  You're husband was a wonderful swordsman, but outnumbered as much he was, there was nothing he could do.  He died an honorable death trying to protect our country.  You should be proud of him for that.  I'm sorry."  Saitou looked close to tears, but Misao was showing no emotion at all.

Saitou expected her to break down and cry or pummel him into the earth.  Either would have been a welcome change from the shock she seemed to be in.  She merely continued to stare into a point that was somewhere beyond Saitou and then she turned to go inside.  "Thank you for telling me, Saitou.  Good day."

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Misao's bottom lip trembled with the effort to keep from crying.  "I don't know why I didn't cry.  I was in shock I guess.  It's just so surreal to hear something like that.  I was certain it was some grim dream and I would wake up at any second and see Soujiro next to me.  I waited day after day for the nightmare to end, but when we had the funeral, it all became too real."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.  Aoshi drew her into his embrace and rocked her gently, trying to calm her down.  "Please don't cry, Misao.  You know Soujiro wouldn't want you to cry."

Misao hiccupped and gave a watery laugh, remembering back to their wedding day. 

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She was crying from joy, tears of bliss running down her face as they made their way into the Aoiya for the reception.  Soujiro pulled her close

to whisper in her ear.  "It's a crime to cover the sun with the rain.  Of course, some days it rains while the sun is shining.  And on those days, we get beautiful rainbows.  Now, dry your eyes so the rainbow can be seen."

He gently brushed her tears away and Misao giggled.  "It seems I married a poet."

Soujiro chuckled.  "I'm a man of many talents, koishii."

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Misao sighed.  "I know he wouldn't want me to cry, but it still hurts.  I miss him so much."

Aoshi gave her stomach a friendly pat.  "Just wait nine months, take care of yourself, and you'll have the best reminder of all."

Misao hugged her best friend close.  "I don't know what I'd do without you."  She smiled at her family.  "Any of you."  She glanced out the window and noticed the sun had set.  "Oh my.  We missed dinner."

Omasu giggled.  "I can throw something together quickly."

Misao stood and gave a yawn.  "I think I'm just going to turn in for the night.  I'm pretty beat."

Aoshi ran a hand down her hair.  "You sure you'll be alright?"

Misao smiled and nodded.  "Thanks again for everything, Aoshi.  I do feel better."

Aoshi nodded and gave her a small smile as she headed up the stairs.  I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.  I fall in love with her more and more every day.  So much so I feel like I'll burst.

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A/N:  And there it is.  The end of Soujiro and Misao's story, but this fic ain't over yet!  After all, Aoshi loves Misao and Misao's all alone.  What will happen next?  Stay tuned!  Dun, dun, duuuunnnnnn!  Oh, I'm such a dork.  Please leave a review!  Hugs & Kisses!