Lost Love
Chapter 5
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Misao hummed softly as she rubbed her slightly puffed out abdomen. She kept thinking, directing her thoughts as if she was speaking to her unborn child. You, little one, will make me fat soon. But, I don't mind. As long as you come out looking just like your otouchan.
And then her worries began to gnaw at her. She frowned as her thoughts turned dark. Everyone says it's important for children to have both parents around. Will I be able to raise this child properly by myself? Who will be his or her male role model? Every child needs a father figure. What am I going to do?
Aoshi passed her open door on the way to his room and noticed her shadowed expression. "Misao? Are you alright?"
Misao blinked, slightly startled, and smiled at him. "Yes. Sorry, just thinking."
Aoshi came in and sat across from her. "Alright, spill it, Misao. You've had a sour expression on your face when you think no one is looking. What's bothering you?"
Misao sighed. "Really, Aoshi. I'm fine. Just a little tired, maybe. Being pregnant does that to you." She tried for a smile again, but Aoshi knew it was forced.
He quirked one eyebrow. "Don't lie, Misao. You don't want to teach your child bad habits before it's even born, do you?"
He meant to tease. And the old Misao would have just smacked his arm and told him to shut it, but the worried Misao dissolved into a fit of sobs.
"What am I going to do? I'm a woman so I'll be no good at being a father! I'm not even sure I'll make a good mother! All children need a male role model. What will I do?"
Aoshi's eyes widened. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
Misao let out a loud sob and clung to his shirt for dear life. "No, it's not your fault. I'm just scared. I don't know what to do."
Aoshi patted her back as he gently rocked, trying to calm her. "Shh. It's
alright now. We can all handle this as a family. Everyone will help you through it."
Misao sniffled. "I know. But it's my baby. I should be able to do most of it by myself. And I want to do most of it. I just don't know if I can."
Aoshi smirked at her. "The Misao I know could do whatever she wanted. You just need to set your mind to it."
Misao wiped away the last of her tears and smiled at Aoshi and then began to giggle. Aoshi shook his head. "What now? You change emotions faster than anyone I've ever met."
Misao giggled some more. "Being pregnant will do that to you."
Aoshi rolled his eyes. "Is that your excuse for everything?"
Misao nodded. "As long as I can use it, I will."
Aoshi looked her in the eye. "Now, what were you laughing about?"
Misao smirked and deepened her voice a bit. "You. You used to be 'Mister Tough Guy-No Emotions-No Smiling' Shinomori. And here you are, trying to console a blubbering, pregnant woman. What a change, eh?"
Aoshi shook his head again, a smile forming on his lips. "I think I'm being teased. So, I'll be on my way now."
Misao grabbed his pant leg as he stood. "Thank you, Aoshi. It's times like these that being my best friend makes you the most valuable person in the world. I need that now."
Aoshi nodded. "Anytime."
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Aoshi slid his shoji closed and released the breath he was holding. "What am I doing? I can't be in love with her. Not now."
He knew it was too late. He'd been in love with her for years. During her entire marriage to Soujiro he'd been wishing he hadn't been such a fool. But, Soujiro was a kind and gentle person and he treated Misao like the world revolved around her. Aoshi had to like him. If he couldn't be with Misao, at least she was with someone who adored her.
Still, Misao was in a very fragile state right now. Physically, mentally and
emotionally, she needed support. She turned to Aoshi, her best friend. Aoshi couldn't turn her away, but it tore him up. She opened up to him, came to him for comfort, cried when she felt the need, asked him for advice when she was unsure. And all those things made Aoshi love her more. "I'm in hell. I love a woman whom I can't love and who couldn't love me. Why do I torture myself like this?"
He slumped down on his futon and tried to meditate to clear his mind.
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Misao was setting the table when she felt the tiniest flutter inside her abdomen. She dropped the dish she was holding and Aoshi spun around to face her when it crashed on the floor. Misao was wide-eyed and frozen in place and Aoshi immediately began to panic.
"Misao? Misao?! Are you alright?!" He rushed over to her, feeling her pulse and leading her to a chair as he studied her for any signs that something was wrong.
Misao looked up to him, still a bit dazed. "It---moved."
Aoshi crouched down to her eye level. "What?"
Misao began to smile, a huge beaming smile that had been absent from her features for almost a month now. "It moved! My baby moved!"
Aoshi let a large smile of his own slip out. Misao's smile returning along with the first flutters of life causing him to show his emotions freely. "Are you sure?"
Misao grabbed his hand and
pressed it flat against her bulge. They
sat patiently for a few minutes and then she felt it again. "There!
Did you feel it?"
Aoshi shook his head, a rueful expression on his face. "I think it's too small for others to feel yet."
Misao pouted. "Awww. This is the first good thing that's happened in so long and I can't share it with anyone? That's awful."
She crossed her arms over her chest in a childish manner and Aoshi chuckled. "Who needs a new baby around when we've got you?"
Misao's face reddened. "Aoshi! Don't tease!"
Aoshi's face was stoic, but his voice betrayed him as he began to clean up the broken dish. "Yes, yes, Misao-chan."
"Aoshi!"
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A/N: I'm still trying to figure out where this will lead. I don't know if they'll end up together or not. At first, that's what I was aiming for, but then everyone said the Misao/Soujiro relationship was too good to put her with Aoshi afterwards. So, I'm in limbo. Everyone, please review and tell me where to go! I'm so confused! (loud sobbing) Sorry, ahem, it's just frustrating. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. Hugs & Kisses!