Disclaimer: Star trek voyager belongs to paramount.

But here is a thought for the amateur philosophers out there: paramount owns Star trek, and TPTB own paramount, and TPTB are in the minds of everyone, so, technically, with that thinking, no one can ever create or own anything. It's called sharing.

V

Chapter 8: 'Wouldn't be a problem'

"She doesn't love you."

The words ran through his head until they made him fell sick, and then they didn't stop, they just went round again, until he started to believe them.

He was so confused, why would she do that to him? And when he tried to make excuses for her the words came back to him, haunting him and torturing him, until he could no longer bear it. He wanted answers, but the dark room didn't provide any.

He couldn't sleep, and when he did his thoughts were no longer under his control, and he started to think about it in his sleep. He was afraid to sleep, afraid of being unable to block his thoughts, block his memories, if they were that.

They were so real to Chakotay, so vivid, but so dreamlike, too perfect most of the time. He would start to think that they were real, but then realised that he had never had a relationship on New Earth with Kathryn which had been anything more than friendship.

What Paul would say to him, Chakotay didn't believe, refused to believe, but it did, on some levels make sense. He would kick himself into reality, and refuse to believe what he was being told, what his memories were saying. He concluded that his mind must be being tampered with by Paul, that the memories weren't real. But they were so vivid, and felt so right.

Since he had been back on Earth, and had started an intimate relationship with Kathryn, he had had a feeling of familiarity. When she touched him, it felt very familiar to him. He assumed that it was just because she was so right for him, but that familiarity still made him question everything.

He didn't know how long he had been there, had any one even noticed that he was gone? He had only had three encounters with Paul, and each one ended with him slipping out of consciousness. He didn't like the man, let alone trust what he was saying. He didn't want to believe what he was being told, but still, parts of it made sense.

His eyes felt heavy, he didn't want to go to sleep, because each time he did, his dreams were of New Earth, and when he would wake they would no longer seem like dreams, and seemed more like memories. But they weren't memories, he told himself, his mind was being tampered with.

Being unable to hold out any longer his eyes closed, and not having the energy to open them, he gradually fell into sleep.

V

Kathryn came in through the door to see Chakotay busy cooking. "Any luck?" he said with out even turning around.

"No," she said, "I'm going to go back out in a minute, I just came back to get some more insect traps." She crossed the room, and walked past Chakotay.

"You're not staying to eat?" he was a little annoyed.

"No," she said flatly. She got what she had come in for and headed back towards the exit.

"Kathryn, at least eat something first."

"I can eat later," she stood by the door, with a hand on the handle, and the other hand holding some more insect traps.

Chakotay looked up from his cooking, to face the most complex woman in the universe. "It won't still be warm later. Look, if you eat now, then I will go with you, and give you a hand putting the traps up."

She thought about it, he knew before she did that he had won, and so returned to his cooking. Putting everything down by the door, Kathryn went up to the kitchen units and opened a cupboard, removing some plates. Silently she laid the table.

Kathryn and Chakotay had been stranded on the planet that they had named New Earth for a little under six weeks. In that time they had begun to make them selves at home in their make-shift cabin, and were both growing accustomed to their surroundings.

They were also getting used to each other, it was one thing to serve aboard a ship with someone twenty four seven, but it was another thing entirely, to live with someone, to eat meals every day with that person, and to have that person as your only form of companionship. And it wasn't just living with each other that they were getting used to, but also intimacy with one another.

The sun was setting in the sky above, Kathryn and Chakotay walked through the forest hand in hand, until they came to the bank of the river. "Here," she said stopping, looking down at her triquader. Swiftly Chakotay attached an insect trap to a tree close by, "that's all," said Kathryn.

On the water, the sun was making patterns with numerous colours, the view was breath taking. Chakotay turned round to see Kathryn watching these patterns, silently he came up behind her and encircled his arms around her. "Beautiful isn't it?" he whispered in her ear.

"Yes," she agreed, placing her hands on top of his.

They stood quietly for a few moments longer, enjoying the way that the light bounced off from the water's surface. "Are you okay?" he eventually asked, "it's just that today, and yesterday you've been a little, I don't know, out of phase." He felt her tense slightly in his arms, and so held on a little more firmly.

"Just missing Earth," she admitted.

He didn't exactly know what had sparked it, maybe it was thinking more clearly about Earth, maybe it was because she felt she could hold it in no longer now that she had told him part of what was on her mind, but she started to cry. At first he was a little shocked, Captain Janeway cry? He thought to himself, a federation captain allowing emotions to overwhelm herself. But when he thought about it, she was only human, even captains found that sometimes they had to embrace their emotions. And then thinking about it more, he realised that part of him still thought of this woman as his captain, as his superior officer.

Chakotay manoeuvred himself to face Kathryn, she didn't object or pull away, in fact she drew closer to him, placing each arms around his neck. "It's okay," he hushed in her ear, wrapping his arms around her.

He wasn't sure how long the two of them stayed there like that together, it could have been minutes, maybe an hour, maybe much longer, not that he minded comforting her. Eventually Kathryn settled down, but stayed in his arms a little longer, enjoying the warmth within them. "You know you can tell me anything," Chakotay assured her, wanting to get to the bottom of her behaviour.

"Can I?" she was testing the rope to make sure that it wouldn't break when she climbed up it.

He ran his fingers soothingly through her hair, "well, we're pretty much alone here, and you've got no one else to speak to, so if there's something on your mind and you don't trust me enough to talk to me about it-" he joked a little with her.

She smiled and the truth in his words, "I do trust you," she didn't want him to think that she didn't. He felt her sigh against his chest, "I really don't know where to begin, or how much to say," she said at last.

"From the beginning, and everything," he wasn't exactly sure what she was going to tell him A thought struck him, "you're not pregnant are you?" They had only been intimately together for four weeks or so, and they had both been very careful, but he guessed that it could happen.

He heard her laugh in his chest, then she pulled her head away from his body, loosely draping her arms around his neck, she was smiling, "commander," she joked using his rank from voyager, and in a mock serious voice, "you make it sound like it would be a problem if I was."

Chakotay suddenly realised his error in the way that he had asked the question, "I'm sorry," he tried to correct his error, "I didn't mean it like- are you?"

"No," she laughed again, slapping his shoulder as she pulled away from him. "Come on, let's head back, it's getting dark," she took him by the hand and they headed back through the forest.

When they came through the door of the cabin, they were both laughing. On walking back Chakotay had started laughing as Kathryn was laughing, and then when she finally began to sober up, she couldn't stop herself from laughing more either, because he was. And it had gone on like that for their walk back to the cabin.

"Coffee?" asked Kathryn, now smiling broadly at him.

He nodded, "yes, please," and sat himself down on the sofa.

Within minutes they were both sitting down with mugs of coffee, sitting, as they often did, in silence, just enjoying each other's company.

"You were going to tell me something," he remembered, breaking the silence.

She sighed and took a sip of her coffee, as he noticed she would often do before breaching a subject. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'unnameable, implaceable'?" she asked.

"No," he admitted.

"It means, that if you can't name something, you can't locate it," she explained. "For example if you're looking for someone and you don't know their name, then you can't find them."

Chakotay nodded, "what's this got to do with anything?" looking slightly confused.

"I have a son," she braved telling him.

"A son?" he echoed, furrowing his eyebrows, "I thought you didn't have any children."

Kathryn paused, "eight years ago I went on holiday with my son Tobias, and at the time my younger daughter. On the way back there was an incident, a small group of about three terrorists came aboard the shuttle. By the time I realised what had happened my daughter had been taken aboard their shuttle that had been in cloak," she swallowed hard and continued, "I'm not exactly sure what happened, but the shuttle that she was taken aboard, blew up, and she was killed."

"Why?" he asked in a soft voice.

"Why what?"

"Why did these men come aboard, to take your daughter away?"

She shook her head, "there are many reasons why, I never found out which exactly. My daughter was a mutant, and the terrorists may have been against genetic alteration. Also someone may have found out that I did work for Starfleet intelligence, and they planned to use my daughter as ransom for something," she shrugged, "as I said, I never found out exactly."

"You worked for Starfleet intelligence?" maybe he had heard wrong.

Kathryn nodded, "it's not unusual for Starfleet officers to do the occasional bit of intelligence work," she pointed out.

"And it's not usual for Starfleet officers to have a child kidnapped because of the odd bit of intelligence work," he retorted back.

"I can't really talk about that," she said her voice a lot calmer than she felt, although he had a point. He nodded his retreat from the subject, and patiently waited for her to continue. "My older son Tobias, was relatively unharmed, physically. I was worried that the terrorists that had killed my daughter might try to come after him, and so I went to great lengths to conceal his entire existence," she looked up at him, "that's why I couldn't tell you any of this before."

"In case we returned to Earth, and I tried to kill him?" Chakotay's voice was still calm, but there was an element of pain within the question, alarmed that she may have thought him capable.

"Not you Chakotay," she placed a hand on his, "but I was afraid that you may mention to someone that my son was alive, and well, you know."

"Your son, Tobias, he's a mutant as well?" he guessed.

She shook her head, "no, my daughter's genetics were only altered for medical purposes initially, Tobias isn't a mutant."

He nodded, clasping her hand in his. "You miss him, don't you, your son Tobias?"

She smiled distantly at him, "yes," she said finally, swallowing back the pain of leaving him.

Chakotay sat a while in stunned silence, it had come as a little of a shock to him, he had never thought of the captain having a child. She had never mentioned having a child, in fact, he was sure that she had denied having children altogether. "Is Mark the father?" although he had never met the man, he didn't like the idea of him, because Kathryn was so loyal to him. Well, almost.

"No," she smiled at the entire prospect, "Justin, I was engaged to him a long time ago, he died when Tobias was four, Tad is nineteen now." She sighed, "there's a lot more to that story, but it's late, and I'm tired, and-"

She was stopped mid sentence; Chakotay had placed a thumb across her lips, and now leaned in to kiss her. She didn't object, and allowed herself to return the kiss. Realising how tense she had been she allowed herself to relax, and in doing so she deepened the kiss. Chakotay's hands explored her body, and hers his. Soon he was on top of her, and lost in the moment he almost didn't realise that she was beginning to undress him.

Suddenly he pulled away, propping himself up on his arms, still on top of her, but his face apart from hers. "What's wrong?" she asked disappointedly.

"Nothing," he smiled, "you know it wouldn't be a problem."

For a moment she looked confused, "what wouldn't be a problem?"

"If you were pregnant," he explained.

She laughed, "I was only joking."

"Yes, but still, it wouldn't," he paused, "thank you, for telling me."

"Thank you for trying to understand." She undid another of his shirt buttons.

"I love you," he said before lowering himself onto her and kissing her again. And in between kisses, he was certain he heard a muffled 'I love you too'.

V

Kathryn blocked those thoughts from her mind, she didn't like to think about New Earth. Closing her eyes briefly she attempted to clear her mind. It didn't work very well though, her thoughts were of Chakotay, and New Earth.

He wouldn't have minded, she told herself with a pang of guilt, but then it would only have made things more complicated, she told herself with another thought.

"Kathryn," Alex's voice brought her back to reality, "we're here," he said.

She looked up, they were outside a building, that looked much like all of the other building on the industrial site. "Is this it?" she asked.

"Yeah, I guess," Alex looked across at Raphael.

"There could be a transporter inside, an underground facility, or a trap," he said.

"Oh great," said Alex, "a trap, just what I've always wanted."

Kathryn and Raphael ignored his reservations and proceed to the front door. Alex stood back briefly, but didn't like the idea of standing by himself in the middle of the night, and so caught up with the other two.

V

End of chapter 8.