Title: Slayer's Fire
Author: Chimerablue5
Spoilers: Up through Helpless, mentions of Revelations
Pairings: B/G, W/O, A/X
Disclaimers: Don't own anything in the Buffyverse. Wish I did though, as many people do.
Summary: Something's happening to Buffy, and it's linked to her heritage as the Slayer. It's happening when the Watcher and Slayer are nearly to blows. Is this connected to the changes she's going through?
Author's Note: I know, it was really short. Sorry, sorry. I'll try to make this and future chapters longer. Thanks for the couple of reviews that I got for the 1st chapter. I was surprised that I didn't get any flames. I know not a lot of people think B/G and go 'great' but I appreciate the comments. Thanks for reviewing, Shelay Hill and editcat. Oh, and the section at Dwordslist really helped, thanks editcat! ^_^
Chapter 2: Warring Emotions
Buffy looked up into the bright, clear blue sky that seemed to be almost a constant companion here in Sunnydale. Sun, sun, and more sun. Normally, she loved it exactly like that. Though, lately, she'd been wondering how it would be with something a bit different. Finally Monday morning, Buffy reluctantly left the comfort of her bed to start another boring day after so little uninterrupted sleep. She expected her mood to brighten as she thought of seeing Angel again that night, but her mood only stayed the same depressing level. Buffy's face turned into a scowl, as she dragged herself up the front entrance stairs of Sunnydale High.
As she walked and wound her way through the halls, she kept a steady pace to her destination. 'First thing in the morning, and the last thing before patrol. Just keep trying to arrive on time.' Buffy thought to herself, as she pushed open the swinging doors of the library. Walking in, she didn't see Giles in her present sight, but she had the distinct feeling that he was in here somewhere. Probably either in the stacks or his office.
A second later, Giles stepped out of his office, looking up from the book in his hand to Buffy. Instead of a warm hello, that usually greeted her, she met a frozen look, as he walked past her to the wooden study table in the middle of the library as he set the book down.
"Buffy. You're on time. How was patrol?" Giles greeted her nonchalantly, as he leaned against the table, while taking a sudden interest with the floor.
The slightly hurt, and annoyed Slayer didn't know whether it was a good or bad thing that she couldn't see his eyes, but, at the moment, she didn't change it to otherwise.
"Yea thought I'd be wacky Buffy and be on time." Buffy smiled weakly at her attempt at humor, which quickly faded away, as she saw that he didn't smile back. Not even one of those small smiles that showed up whenever he thought one of them were being childish.
"Anyway, patrol was fine. Vampires, me, dust, the usual. That and a lot of energy. Not that I'm really complaining seeing as how I probably could've kept dusting them 'till the cows came home. But it's kind of hard to get some sleep with energy like that. Wouldn't that be considered complaining though? Eh, whatever." Buffy said, shrugging nonchalantly. The cold attitude of Giles didn't really faze her as much as it had in the beginning. She was beginning to expect it from him now actually, and she was fine with it. Inside she heard a tiny voice inside her, screaming that it wasn't right, and it should bother her. The voice was pushed aside, and 'normal Buffy' was back in place.
Giles was listening to everything she said, as usual. Though he kept his face an emotionless mask that showed none of his usual concern towards his Slayer. The extra energy that she mentioned piqued his curiosity slightly. It could be something, or it could be something as trivial as added adrenaline. He would have to research it. He felt unease in telling her. Since that dreadful woman, Post, came in, it seemed as though his slowly rebuilding world, no matter how insane it was, crumbled into a million pieces. Aside from the fact that she had pretty good aim at bashing his brains in, she helped in leading them all into Angel's reintroduction, and Buffy's betrayal put on spotlight. The thought of Buffy protecting Angel made his heart clench, as he remembered all the things that Angelus had done to him in those hours that seemed to be like days. He could feel the hot knives that were laid on his chest after being heated in the fire. How he bit the inside of his lip to stop from screaming, and felt the hot gush of blood pour into his mouth. His mind lost in thoughts of the past, didn't notice Buffy had stopped talking.
Buffy's gaze finally landed on Giles as she saw nothing else she could hang onto. That was when she noticed the stiffness of his back, and the way his right hand was clenched against his side, and his left was gripping the table so hard that his knuckles were white. Was he really so mad at her, that it was so hard to be in a 5 foot radius of her? This thought hurt and scared her the most.
"I...I-I have to go. The bell-you know...loud ringing thing? Yea, that, it's gonna go off soon. S-so I'll just...I'll j-just go." Buffy stuttered, doing almost an exact imitation of Giles at his worse when he was in stutter mode. Only hers was filled with sadness than embarrassment. She spun on her heel, and practically ran from the library into the hallway.
At Buffy's voice, Giles had been snapped back into reality, but found that Buffy was all ready running for the door as though the hell dog Cerberus were on her heels. He had caught about half of her stutter, and felt a pang of remorse as the hurt had weaved itself into her voice. He let out a heavy sigh, looking at the swinging door, the only evidence that Buffy had even been there. He turned back to the book that he had set on the table and went back into his office. So far, he had been able to keep the emotional façade in place when he was with Buffy. Today however was different for some reason, and he hadn't been able to keep a lid on his emotions as he normally could. As he closed the door of his office and began to read, he noticed that Buffy had lessened her visits of him and her less than exuberant greetings of him was showing him how much he had pushed her away. A part of him was asking whether that was a good or bad thing. He answered the voice yes.
Setting he paused for a moment in his reading. Was it?
********************************************
Buffy's sadness and depression had been apparent in her first 2 classes. She paid even less attention as the teachers talked and called upon the other students that seemed so happy, or at least alive. In her fourth class, the one before lunch, she didn't know if she wanted this class to end, or go to hell, because of how boring it was. Her head was propped up on her right hand. The subject of the class was one that she did not want to get into right now. It was the comparison of other emotions and Buffy didn't really feel like doing any analyzing of her feelings. All she wanted to do was sulk for a bit, then go and eat.
As she gazed out of the window, she was pulled out of her daydreaming by the teacher calling her name.
"Miss Summers. Perhaps you would like to grace us with some of your input?" the teacher asked.
Buffy looked at the teacher. She almost glared at him for interrupting a good brood, but just went along.
"Sorry, what was the question again?" Buffy asked sheepishly, as she noticed she was the center of attention. She hated it really. She got enough from being the Slayer. She didn't need it because of her spacing out.
"Well, my question was about our current comparison of the following emotions: love, loyalty, guilt, and regret. If you would so graciously tell us your thoughts on these, and maybe pay attention in the future, that would be so greatly appreciated." He drawled, eliciting snickers from the other students.
Buffy was not in the mood for this. But as she let the question sink in, thoughts after thoughts chased each other as she thought of all she'd been through, and thought she'd teach the teacher a lesson.
"Well?" the teacher asked smugly, confidant that she couldn't give him a sufficient answer.
"Well, what can I say about those emotions?" Buffy started, seeing the amused smirk on his face. Her mood picked up as she thought about wiping it off is face. He reminded her of Snyder, and this was one of his little rag-tag-band of rats that followed the horrible little troll.
"Love is like a two-edged knife. It could protect and give you such a sense of security, you would feel invincible, like you could take on the world. A partnership where you can completely trust your partner and count on him or her on using his last breath to protect him. Or it could be plunged into your heart through the back, and the person you thought you could trust twists it painfully until you can barely breathe."
"Loyalty. It's much like love really. Loyalty could give you some of the most rewarding prizes of the loyalty of someone, be it a lover or a friend. Or it could be used to betray the one who gave it to you and probably kill them from the hurt. Like I said, a double edged knife."
"Regret. Well, that one's a tricky one. On one hand, regret could help you correct a past mistake, and probably help you repair the relationship you have with that person that you wronged. Or..." she paused for effect. "It could blind you to the most simplest answer, and act as a fog, letting you walk and fall off a cliff that you didn't even see coming."
"Ah, and last but not least, guilt. Hm..." she tapped her chin thoughtfully, loving the way her emotions seem to pour out of her. Leaving her a bit empty, but the pain she'd been feeling earlier was leaving too. "That one's the big one isn't it? Guilt is like a nagging conscious with varying degrees. It could be a little headache or indecision chasing itself in your head. Or it could be something that drives you to do things that you probably wouldn't do under normal circumstances. Like standing beside someone that you know you shouldn't, but you feel as though you should, to repay for whatever you did to him."
As Buffy spoke, her eyes became dark, taking her deep into her memories, remembering things as she said them. The dark obsession that had been her and Angel. The unwavering trust that she had had with Giles. The way that she could probably count on Giles to be up at 1 in the morning asleep against a book he had been reading. While Angel, she couldn't even tell where he would be, let alone what he was thinking. The regret of all the pain that Buffy had caused Giles, and the pain of regret that Buffy felt for unleashing Angelus from his bindings. Then came her impassioned speech of guilt. The guilt of running and leaving them all to fend for themselves on the Hellmouth. Without even a good-bye, running to L.A. Then there was that guilt that told her that she had to be with Angel, to repay him for all that he had done for her, even if she didn't ask for it.
The bell rang loudly, and nearly everyone jumped in their seat, because the room was so quiet after Buffy's calm response. Though even her voice was, the pain in her voice and recollection was so deeply imbued into her words, you felt them squeezing at her heart.
"Well, I suppose that's the end of my explanation." Buffy said flippantly, taking her stuff and walking out the door to her locker, leaving a subdued class to walk out of the room, leaving behind a tongue-tied teacher, and two friends that looked at Buffy with worried eyes.
Author: Chimerablue5
Spoilers: Up through Helpless, mentions of Revelations
Pairings: B/G, W/O, A/X
Disclaimers: Don't own anything in the Buffyverse. Wish I did though, as many people do.
Summary: Something's happening to Buffy, and it's linked to her heritage as the Slayer. It's happening when the Watcher and Slayer are nearly to blows. Is this connected to the changes she's going through?
Author's Note: I know, it was really short. Sorry, sorry. I'll try to make this and future chapters longer. Thanks for the couple of reviews that I got for the 1st chapter. I was surprised that I didn't get any flames. I know not a lot of people think B/G and go 'great' but I appreciate the comments. Thanks for reviewing, Shelay Hill and editcat. Oh, and the section at Dwordslist really helped, thanks editcat! ^_^
Chapter 2: Warring Emotions
Buffy looked up into the bright, clear blue sky that seemed to be almost a constant companion here in Sunnydale. Sun, sun, and more sun. Normally, she loved it exactly like that. Though, lately, she'd been wondering how it would be with something a bit different. Finally Monday morning, Buffy reluctantly left the comfort of her bed to start another boring day after so little uninterrupted sleep. She expected her mood to brighten as she thought of seeing Angel again that night, but her mood only stayed the same depressing level. Buffy's face turned into a scowl, as she dragged herself up the front entrance stairs of Sunnydale High.
As she walked and wound her way through the halls, she kept a steady pace to her destination. 'First thing in the morning, and the last thing before patrol. Just keep trying to arrive on time.' Buffy thought to herself, as she pushed open the swinging doors of the library. Walking in, she didn't see Giles in her present sight, but she had the distinct feeling that he was in here somewhere. Probably either in the stacks or his office.
A second later, Giles stepped out of his office, looking up from the book in his hand to Buffy. Instead of a warm hello, that usually greeted her, she met a frozen look, as he walked past her to the wooden study table in the middle of the library as he set the book down.
"Buffy. You're on time. How was patrol?" Giles greeted her nonchalantly, as he leaned against the table, while taking a sudden interest with the floor.
The slightly hurt, and annoyed Slayer didn't know whether it was a good or bad thing that she couldn't see his eyes, but, at the moment, she didn't change it to otherwise.
"Yea thought I'd be wacky Buffy and be on time." Buffy smiled weakly at her attempt at humor, which quickly faded away, as she saw that he didn't smile back. Not even one of those small smiles that showed up whenever he thought one of them were being childish.
"Anyway, patrol was fine. Vampires, me, dust, the usual. That and a lot of energy. Not that I'm really complaining seeing as how I probably could've kept dusting them 'till the cows came home. But it's kind of hard to get some sleep with energy like that. Wouldn't that be considered complaining though? Eh, whatever." Buffy said, shrugging nonchalantly. The cold attitude of Giles didn't really faze her as much as it had in the beginning. She was beginning to expect it from him now actually, and she was fine with it. Inside she heard a tiny voice inside her, screaming that it wasn't right, and it should bother her. The voice was pushed aside, and 'normal Buffy' was back in place.
Giles was listening to everything she said, as usual. Though he kept his face an emotionless mask that showed none of his usual concern towards his Slayer. The extra energy that she mentioned piqued his curiosity slightly. It could be something, or it could be something as trivial as added adrenaline. He would have to research it. He felt unease in telling her. Since that dreadful woman, Post, came in, it seemed as though his slowly rebuilding world, no matter how insane it was, crumbled into a million pieces. Aside from the fact that she had pretty good aim at bashing his brains in, she helped in leading them all into Angel's reintroduction, and Buffy's betrayal put on spotlight. The thought of Buffy protecting Angel made his heart clench, as he remembered all the things that Angelus had done to him in those hours that seemed to be like days. He could feel the hot knives that were laid on his chest after being heated in the fire. How he bit the inside of his lip to stop from screaming, and felt the hot gush of blood pour into his mouth. His mind lost in thoughts of the past, didn't notice Buffy had stopped talking.
Buffy's gaze finally landed on Giles as she saw nothing else she could hang onto. That was when she noticed the stiffness of his back, and the way his right hand was clenched against his side, and his left was gripping the table so hard that his knuckles were white. Was he really so mad at her, that it was so hard to be in a 5 foot radius of her? This thought hurt and scared her the most.
"I...I-I have to go. The bell-you know...loud ringing thing? Yea, that, it's gonna go off soon. S-so I'll just...I'll j-just go." Buffy stuttered, doing almost an exact imitation of Giles at his worse when he was in stutter mode. Only hers was filled with sadness than embarrassment. She spun on her heel, and practically ran from the library into the hallway.
At Buffy's voice, Giles had been snapped back into reality, but found that Buffy was all ready running for the door as though the hell dog Cerberus were on her heels. He had caught about half of her stutter, and felt a pang of remorse as the hurt had weaved itself into her voice. He let out a heavy sigh, looking at the swinging door, the only evidence that Buffy had even been there. He turned back to the book that he had set on the table and went back into his office. So far, he had been able to keep the emotional façade in place when he was with Buffy. Today however was different for some reason, and he hadn't been able to keep a lid on his emotions as he normally could. As he closed the door of his office and began to read, he noticed that Buffy had lessened her visits of him and her less than exuberant greetings of him was showing him how much he had pushed her away. A part of him was asking whether that was a good or bad thing. He answered the voice yes.
Setting he paused for a moment in his reading. Was it?
********************************************
Buffy's sadness and depression had been apparent in her first 2 classes. She paid even less attention as the teachers talked and called upon the other students that seemed so happy, or at least alive. In her fourth class, the one before lunch, she didn't know if she wanted this class to end, or go to hell, because of how boring it was. Her head was propped up on her right hand. The subject of the class was one that she did not want to get into right now. It was the comparison of other emotions and Buffy didn't really feel like doing any analyzing of her feelings. All she wanted to do was sulk for a bit, then go and eat.
As she gazed out of the window, she was pulled out of her daydreaming by the teacher calling her name.
"Miss Summers. Perhaps you would like to grace us with some of your input?" the teacher asked.
Buffy looked at the teacher. She almost glared at him for interrupting a good brood, but just went along.
"Sorry, what was the question again?" Buffy asked sheepishly, as she noticed she was the center of attention. She hated it really. She got enough from being the Slayer. She didn't need it because of her spacing out.
"Well, my question was about our current comparison of the following emotions: love, loyalty, guilt, and regret. If you would so graciously tell us your thoughts on these, and maybe pay attention in the future, that would be so greatly appreciated." He drawled, eliciting snickers from the other students.
Buffy was not in the mood for this. But as she let the question sink in, thoughts after thoughts chased each other as she thought of all she'd been through, and thought she'd teach the teacher a lesson.
"Well?" the teacher asked smugly, confidant that she couldn't give him a sufficient answer.
"Well, what can I say about those emotions?" Buffy started, seeing the amused smirk on his face. Her mood picked up as she thought about wiping it off is face. He reminded her of Snyder, and this was one of his little rag-tag-band of rats that followed the horrible little troll.
"Love is like a two-edged knife. It could protect and give you such a sense of security, you would feel invincible, like you could take on the world. A partnership where you can completely trust your partner and count on him or her on using his last breath to protect him. Or it could be plunged into your heart through the back, and the person you thought you could trust twists it painfully until you can barely breathe."
"Loyalty. It's much like love really. Loyalty could give you some of the most rewarding prizes of the loyalty of someone, be it a lover or a friend. Or it could be used to betray the one who gave it to you and probably kill them from the hurt. Like I said, a double edged knife."
"Regret. Well, that one's a tricky one. On one hand, regret could help you correct a past mistake, and probably help you repair the relationship you have with that person that you wronged. Or..." she paused for effect. "It could blind you to the most simplest answer, and act as a fog, letting you walk and fall off a cliff that you didn't even see coming."
"Ah, and last but not least, guilt. Hm..." she tapped her chin thoughtfully, loving the way her emotions seem to pour out of her. Leaving her a bit empty, but the pain she'd been feeling earlier was leaving too. "That one's the big one isn't it? Guilt is like a nagging conscious with varying degrees. It could be a little headache or indecision chasing itself in your head. Or it could be something that drives you to do things that you probably wouldn't do under normal circumstances. Like standing beside someone that you know you shouldn't, but you feel as though you should, to repay for whatever you did to him."
As Buffy spoke, her eyes became dark, taking her deep into her memories, remembering things as she said them. The dark obsession that had been her and Angel. The unwavering trust that she had had with Giles. The way that she could probably count on Giles to be up at 1 in the morning asleep against a book he had been reading. While Angel, she couldn't even tell where he would be, let alone what he was thinking. The regret of all the pain that Buffy had caused Giles, and the pain of regret that Buffy felt for unleashing Angelus from his bindings. Then came her impassioned speech of guilt. The guilt of running and leaving them all to fend for themselves on the Hellmouth. Without even a good-bye, running to L.A. Then there was that guilt that told her that she had to be with Angel, to repay him for all that he had done for her, even if she didn't ask for it.
The bell rang loudly, and nearly everyone jumped in their seat, because the room was so quiet after Buffy's calm response. Though even her voice was, the pain in her voice and recollection was so deeply imbued into her words, you felt them squeezing at her heart.
"Well, I suppose that's the end of my explanation." Buffy said flippantly, taking her stuff and walking out the door to her locker, leaving a subdued class to walk out of the room, leaving behind a tongue-tied teacher, and two friends that looked at Buffy with worried eyes.