Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N Hey everyone! I didnÕt get to many reviews for Baby Boy, but IÕm back anyway. I hope youÕll like this one more! IÕve decided to try ÒBeautiful DisasterÓ by Kelly Clarkson. ItÕs really quite angsty, and poetic in a sense. Definitely quite poetic. Hope you like!
~Zsa Zsa
~Beautiful Disaster~
She sat on the ground outside the castle. She felt numb as she watched him walk up the grass, leaving her behind to mull over what she had just heard.
He was walking slowly, kicking away some fallen snow with his shoe and whistling to himself. He wasnÕt thinking about much. He had poured it all out to her. HeÕd left her with the burden he had carried for so long.
She thought about the dreams heÕd been having. He told her about them, about how heÕd dreamed of her. Only her, for the past year. It made her shake violently thinking that heÕd held onto this flame for so long, that it had not been extinguished, not even by his father. Not by anyone.
She thought about how he was so horribly and monumentally burdened with things someone his age shouldnÕt know. HeÕd known most of what people hoped to know in a lifetime by the age of twelve.
HeÕd told her how he felt he was drowning in a pool of secrets and lies. His life was a mystery to onlookersÉ but now, not to her. She knew him better then anyone could ever hope to know. Not that anyone did. No one wanted to know him.
He stroked her hair behind her ear as he told her not to worry about him. As he felt her tears roll down her cheeks for him, for all the years of grief heÕd been told to keep inside, never to expose to the outside world.
She had wanted to save him. HeÕd told her it wasnÕt possible. Why, she had asked, why wasnÕt it possible to help someone she admired so much after this? After all heÕd told her.
It wasnÕt possibleÉ HeÕd reminded her many times.
Why did God pick him, she thought, he doesnÕt deserve the pain, she felt, he doesnÕt need this, she knew.
If only she could save him. HeÕd told her she couldnÕt.
~~He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I tried to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right, it just ain't right
Oh, and I don't know~~
He told her everything. All his desires, wants, needs. She wanted to fulfill them all. But he wouldnÕt let her. She touched his cheek, hoping he would let her in. But he wouldnÕt let her.
She drowned in his eyes, pools of blue. He drowned in her eyes, pools of chocolate.
She told him over and over, she would hold on. If only heÕd let her. Please, she begged him, please. She didnÕt know why she felt she needed to aid himÉ she didnÕt have to do anything after all he had cause her.
Yet, she wanted to be with him. He haunted her dreams, plagued her thoughts. Night and day. Even as she got up, stumbled up slowly, she was thinking of only him. The pain he must feel caused her much grief.
But he would not let her in. Never. He would not do that to her. He would not drag her into a world of tragedy and deceit. She was too pure and innocent. She didnÕt deserve it; he didnÕt deserve her.
~~I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?~~
She sobbed as she walked back to the castle, never wanting to smile again. Never wanting to feel, to touch. Unless it was to feel and touch him. She felt her tears melt one her lips, salty drops of evidence of how she felt inside.
Broken.
She believed in him. That he could change if he wanted to, because she wanted to help him. She knew he felt too much pain for one person to handle. She wanted some of that burden. If only heÕd let her in. He was dying inside, and soon, all the memories and pain would tear him up. Rip him to pieces.
Why wouldnÕt he let her? Why wouldnÕt he trust her? It wasnÕt that he didnÕt trust her. He didnÕt trust himself. His life was not something he wished to spread around, like he wanted to spread love. LoveÉ He wished that were his life. Like she could be his life.
He would never let her in.
He would never cause her that much pain.
He knew she wanted to feel it, to help him. He wouldnÕt stand for it. He did not want to be the cause for another life to end. He did not want the responsibility of having to watch after her, monitoring the amounts of blood and tears shed each day and night, for there was sure to be blood and tears by the bucket load if he let her in.
He wouldnÕt do that. He couldnÕt.
She wanted to change him, his past. She found it hard to hold on through the tears. He wouldnÕt let her, and she cried more then she had ever done before. It was his fault. He wouldnÕt let her hold on. She was falling, slipping. Would he be there to catch her?
~~He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, hold on tight~~
She knew she could hold on, she told him every chance she got. She held his face, his beautiful face, telling him she could do it and that she would do it for him. She loved him, as she would often whisper in his ear.
He only wished he could return the feelings.
Could she hold on, he would wonder aloud, would she stay through the tears? He told her over and over the laughter would be sparse. Yet, what confused him most is that she seemed to be okay with that.
But he told himself that was her irrational heart speaking, a source he found most unreliable upon making life altering decisions. Yet, thatÕs all she ever wanted to follow. That big heart of hers she felt was her most reliable source, as she took it everywhere with her. It knew what she felt inside, what she hid from, her dreams.
Her mind knew the same, he told her. She knew that very well, she told him, but she wanted to follow her heart.
~~Oh, 'cause I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful
Or just a beautiful disaster?~~
She wanted loveÉ a practical and logical and stable environment. He was a rebel; he flew with the wind, wherever it took him. He was spontaneity at its finest. She was not what he was looking for, yet at the same time, she was everything he wanted.
She was waiting for a miracle to happen. Maybe one that could bring her closer to where she wanted to be. Closer to him, forever him.
~~I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long~~
She touched his cheek again. It was soft. Yet, when she touched his heart, she felt sharp, jagged edges, waiting to slash her open, to make her bleed out her soul.
She watched him break over and over. She watched as he let his superiors take advantage of him, shake him. She watched him slowly crumble. She watched him slowly die.
She stood by him every step of the way, gave herself up for him when he let her. He gave her everything sheÕd ever wanted and more. He gave her himself. It was more then enough.
~~He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the ends
He breaks
He's never enough
But still leaves more than I can take~~
She watched him die. He took one of the jagged shards of his heart, plunged it inside to his very soul. He died slowly, talking, comforting every moment.
When his eyelids finally fluttered shut, she felt the burden she had on her shoulders, all of his thoughts, dreams, aspirations, she felt it all leave and fly off into the sky, like his spirit.
She knew something. She knew his love was like the wind. She couldnÕt see it, but she could feel it.
~~He's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster~~
And as she wept in grief, she was happy for the fist time in ages. She took the same shard, the same jagged shard and plunged it into her own soul, her own heart, letting herself die beside the man she loved. Beside her silver dragon.
When friends and family came to mourn the deaths of the two forbidden lovers, then threw flowers over the names of those lost.
Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N Okay, wow. That all came out of nowhere. Damn, that was strange. Very different from how I usually write. Oh my. That wasÉ oh dear God.
Well, please tell me what you think. Sorry it wasnÕt as long as the other two. IÕll come back with a forth later. Love yÕall!
~Zsa Zsa