Witches and Wizards Today
Episode #3
The low spitting of the fire gives way to roaring flames as a dimly lit scene begins to unfold. The large blue host of Witches and Wizards Today, otherwise known as Solmyr, heads up to the stage and stands before the couch with his hands on his hips. He can easily be heard chuckling to himself as he shakes his head.
Solmyr: "Now who would want to cover up such a beautiful piece of furniture?" He again shakes his head as he deftly removes the blanket, and suddenly the dim lights blaze off the loud, nearly blinding, Hawaiian shirt patterned couch. "Much better, much better." He dusts his hands off and turns to walk off stage. He stops dead in his tracks as the house lights suddenly burst to life, the couch becoming almost impossibly brighter, and looks at the camera with surprise. It doesn't take long for his composure to return and an ear-to-ear grin replaces the stunned look on his face. "Oh! Hello, hello! Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Witches and Wizards Today!" He glances offstage for a moment and can just barely be heard whispering "I didn't think we were supposed to start for another few minutes." Apparently receiving word from whomever he was speaking to, he straightens again and looks out to the audience. "We have a delightful show lined up for you today! As you can see, it's going to be very special." He lifts his feet from the floor and crosses his legs, his body hovering in mid air. "Since it's Halloween, I thought perhaps we could have a bit of fun with today's show. Instead of having actual guests, we're just going to dress up like Muggles do this time of year and relax for awhile." He clears his throat as his grin widens all the more. "As you can see, I'm already dressed for the occasion."
The camera pans out enough to take in the full view of the host. He sports a pair of white, slightly puffed out genie pants, a white turban with gold trim and a crimson red ruby set in the center of the forehead, a white sash tied around his waist with gold thread woven through, white vest also with gold trim, and a pair of white, hook toed shoes. He somehow manages to look completely normal in the outfit, but that could be due to the blue skin, yellow eyes and silver goatee and ponytail on his otherwise hairless body.
Solmyr: "Not bad, eh, not bad?" He gives the camera a playful wink, then tilts his head to the side slightly as a soft 'oink' comes from somewhere off camera, he looks around to locate the source of the noise, then seeing nothing he recovers with a grin and continues. "Let's see what everyone else is wearing, shall we?" He flashes another ear-to-ear grin as his eyes wander off stage, seeking out the first costumed employee to introduce. "Ah, how about our director? He's looking quite dapper today."
The camera turns again to show the young, blue haired director of the show, Aaron Hayden.
Aaron: His blue hair is slicked back neatly, he wears a white dress shirt, dark blue neck tie, jacket, slacks and a shiny pair of black shoes, looking very much like a Muggle businessman. He glares at the camera and tries to wave it away, but Remy, the camera boy, only pans in for a close up from feet to head until the director stands up and starts walking forward.
The view locks onto Solmyr again ... quickly.
Solmyr: "I believe we have time for one more before we need to go to commercials. So, who should we introduce next?" Again his eyes float over the room off camera until his face lights up. "Yes, perfect! Here we have Julian ... Ladies, please remain calm." He chuckles.
The camera slowly turns toward the side of the room as if trying to build the anticipation.
Julian: He grins charmingly at the crowd and blows kisses to random girls, who proceed to either scream, cry or faint. He's decked out in a pair of dark brown, knee high suede boots, forest green tights, the cuffs of a dark brown, skin tight shirt show from beneath the slightly rolled up sleeves of a forest green shirt, overtop of both shirts is a dark brown felt jerkin and atop his head is a dark brown archer's hat. His shoulder blade length hair is tied back and dyed brown with a couple curls hanging loose on either side of his face. A long bow and quiver of arrows is strapped to his back, and a sword is at his hip. He removes the hat from his head and bows to the audience, then stands again grinning. "In case those of the Wizarding community are wondering, I'm dressed as the legendary Muggle character Robin Hood." He blows a few more kisses, gives the camera a flirtatious wink, and waits for the attention to be drawn elsewhere.
Someone can be heard clearing their throat loudly off camera, but the image of Julian in those green tights still fills the fireplace. After about three minutes, the view abruptly changes back to Solmyr. Another soft 'oink' is heard.
Solmyr: He again glances around to locate the creature making the odd noise, but finding the efforts fruitless he just gets on with the show. He chuckles and grins. "Thank you, Aaron." He glances at the camera again. "I know the ladies are probably dying for more of Julian, but we really must get on with the show. There are still more costumes to see, but for now we have to go to commercials. Most of which will also have a Halloween theme. Stay tuned!"
****
A pair of red haired twins appear in the fire pit grinning brightly, though mischievously. One has a sweater bearing a large letter F, the other a similar article with the letter G.
First twin: "I'm Fred!"
Second twin: "And I'm George!"
Fred: "And together we own ..."
In unison: "Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes!"
George: "Come see us at number ninety-three Diagon Alley."
Fred: "That special discount for Hogwarts students is still in effect, but for a limited time only .... we hope!"
George: Whispers low to his brother. "Maybe we should tell them some of the stuff we have to offer? After all, there's still a couple minutes left to this advertisement."
Fred: He speaks in an equally hushed tone. "Yes, I think we should." He looks out to the audience beyond the flames again with a grin. "Let's see, we have Portable Swamps ..."
George: "Nosebleed Nougats ...."
Fred: "And all sorts of other delights!"
George: "Yeah, so pop by soon before they're gone and we're forced to close shop to make more!"
The two can be heard laughing as the commercial fades to blackness.
****
The face of an aged man with white, stringy hair and pale blue eyes appears in the flames.
Olivander: "Come to Olivander's Wand shop in Diagon Alley for all your basic and advanced wand needs. As an All Hallow's Eve special, we're offering a limited time offer for Wands of Transfiguration. In need of a costume? Don't want to spend hours shopping for or casting spell after spell in search of the perfect one? Buy one of these specialty wands just for the occasion."
Small disclaimer near the fire bed reads: Good for one use only, no refunds available, use at own risk as 'costume' does not necessarily mean 'clothing'.
****
Solmyr: The large blue host dressed as a genie appears in the fire again. He grins and nods to the camera. "Shall we continue with showing off?" He chuckles and nods again in the camera's direction. "Back there we have young Remy. Turn that thing around, m'boy, and reveal your costume of choice."
The view swings full circle until a young boy with hair normally redder than a Weasley's comes into sight.
'Oink.'
Remy: He too looks around trying to figure out where the heck that sound keeps coming from, then shakes his head and looks into the camera. He smiles shyly, blushes faintly and gives a little wave to the audience. His costume, though he looks remarkably female and hard to distinguish as a boy, is of Dorothy from the Muggle movie the Wizard of Oz. Surprisingly fitting since the lad is from Australia. He sports a blue and white checkered dress that stops just below the knees, a white shirt underneath with slightly puffy sleeves, a pair of blue socks, glittery ruby-coloured shoes and a brown wig done in pig tails with spirals and tied with blue and white checkered ribbons.
Not long after Remy's outfit is shown, the scene changes back to the host.
Solmyr: "And a natural blush for those rosy cheeks." He chuckles and winks at Remy. "Well now, not many left to show off, then we can pan the audience to see them all dressed up as well. Next I think we'll introduce Holly Spenser."
As the scene changes again, the camera stops briefly on the director.
Aaron: He glares and points upwards to the rafters.
The view continues tilting up until a young girl appears.
Holly: From the rafters she gives a small wave and smile. Her clothes are entirely pink. She's wearing a pink, full length body suit that shimmers faintly, a small curly tail pokes out from behind, a pair of thin pink slippers with a look of cloven hooves at the toes, pink face paint, a set of pointy pink ears and a cute little pink snout. 'Oink.' She smiles again. "Obviously I'm dressed up as a piggy. Hence why I keep oinking too. Just a little enchantment I placed on myself." She laughs quietly, gives another little smile and waits for the attention to be drawn away.
Solmyr appears in the fireplace again.
Solmyr: "Who else, who else ...." He mumbles to himself as he looks around again. "Ah yes! I almost forgot our ominous looking bandmaster Kagato." He feigns a shudder and looks offstage. "Quite a frightening one he is."
As the camera turns to view the band, the scene shakes just a little bit as creepy music plays in the background.
Kagato: His prominent figure demands all the attention the moment eyes are focussed on him. He says nothing. Just stands there, stock still, expressionless and looming. He's dressed in a long, thick, black coat which is left open to reveal a pair of black pants, a crimson red pique vest, white dress shirt, and small crimson red neck tie. A black homburg hat and polished black shoes accent the costume, as well as the most striking finishing touch .... a pure white mask that covers his entire forehead, nose and tapers off to the right to reveal his entire mouth, but not his cheek. He slowly reaches up to his face and lifts the mask just enough to show a gruesome sight. The flesh beneath the covering looks as though it were burned, all that remains is yellowed scar tissue and very little skin. A few loud screams are heard from the audience. He replaces the mask, still without expression, and tilts his head forward just enough to nod to the camera.
'Oink.'
The camera quickly moves back onto the host of the show.
Solmyr: While looking curiously at Kagato, he begins talking again. "Well that was ... interesting." He gives himself a shake and looks at the audience again. "And now it's advertisement time again. Don't worry, we'll be back."
****
The fire goes dark for a couple seconds at the beginning of the commercial when suddenly there are some howling sounds and a couple little glowing white and green ghosts start floating around. They're the source of the sound and after a moment a crusty looking old wizard appears with bright robes and a huge hat. He brushes the ghosts aside.
CW: "Honeydukes has new creepy creations for your super Halloween sweet tooth. New in: Ghostly Gummies!" He reaches out and grabs a couple of the ghosts that are floating around. They let out a little screech as they're eaten. "Mmmm! Delicious!" He grins brightly. "And we have the ever popular Everlasting Gobstoppers!" He winks and holds one in the palm of his hand. "Willy Wonka's not the only one with them ..." He grins brightly and the candy vanishes. "... but we're the only others with the secret, so come on down to Hogsmeade and fulfill your Halloween candy wishes!" He holds his hands up and the fire is filled with magical sparkles as he and the commercial fade away.
****
A skantily clad witch appears in the fire dressed as Cleopatra. A bunch of weird dancy Halloween music is playing behind her. She does a little twirl and runs a hand over her hair when she faces the audience again.
Enrica: "Enrica Arbuckle here reporting from the funnest dance tavern in Hogsmeade, Magica's Melodia Tavern. We've got a fantastical, spine tingling dj and lots of horrific wonderific music. There's refreshment and the most shiver inducing atmosphere tonight, so why aren't you here?" She giggles and flips her hair. "It's Halloween and there's still room so creep your way over. C'mon and get freaked out! Magica's is the place to be!" She twirls again before she and the music fade.
****
Solmyr: He stares off stage with a large grin on his face and a distant look in his eyes.
Aaron: From off camera he clears his throat numerous times, then seeing as it has no effect on the Host, he starts whispering loudly. "Solmyr? Solmyr. Solmyr!" His voice finally booms. "SOLMYR!"
Solmyr: "Not exactly what Cleopatra looked like, but certainly a nice touch ..." He goes on mumbling to himself barely audibly. Julian: "Allow me, Aaron." He grins broadly, scoops a small cauldron from the counter where Sulia is busy working away on some sweets. He walks back to the stage, moves behind Solmyr and .... CLANG!
Solmyr: He drops like a stone from his hovering position and falls on his face.
Aaron: "Damn it, Julian! Shock him out of it, not kill him!"
'Oink!'
Julian: "Uh, sorry about that." He grins and hides the cauldron behind his back. "Guess I forget my own strength sometimes."
The female portion of the audience sighs at the innocent look on Julian's face and tone in his voice.
Solmyr: From his place on the floor, he moans softly and blinks his eyes open. "What happened?" He rubs his head and stands up, then notices the camera on him. "Oh my, how long was I out for? Are we still doing the show?" After apparently getting confirmation, he grins from ear-to-ear again and starts babbling away. "Well, now that we're back from commercial break ..." He trails off momentarily with a dreamy look in his eyes, but a loud 'oink' snaps him back to reality. "Ahem, as I was saying, now that we're back, we can continue with the unveiling of costumes! Next on the agenda, and last I do believe, is Sulia!"
The camera turns to the kitchen area where a young woman bustles around, apparently frustrated by something, until she notices the attention on her.
Sulia: She sees the camera finally. "Oh ..." She reaches a hand up to her poofy sugarplum fairy hair. "Oh ..." She looks around. "Why are you here?" She looks at her table with half fixed goodies and smiles half heartedly. "I'm not quite finished the treats yet ..." She tugs at her poofy sleeves. "These get in the way a little bit." She has on a little silver tiara with diamonds, short silvery kid gloves, a wand with a pointy tip that sprays sparks randomly, a plum coloured dress with poofy sleeves and silver trim with a similarly coloured tutu skirt, and finished with a pair of silver satin slippers. She looks away from the camera and down at the counter with her hands on her hips and a soft frown. "Now where's that cauldron gone off to? It was here just a minute ago ..."
'Oink.'
Solmyr: He tuts and shakes his head, then gets a mischievous grin on his face. He snaps his fingers, clears his throat and nods toward Sulia.
Sulia: Her once pale, creamy white skin is a royal blue in colour, her green eyes have turned a solid yellow, and her once brown hair is now silver. In addition to the physical transformation, her costume has also been changed. Instead of a sugarplum fairy, she now adorns a female genie outfit. The white top, while not overly concealing, has wide straps with gold embroidery, the bottom of the top stops just below the breasts and is shaped in curves to accent the form beneath, also with gold embroidery and trim, and has eight strings of beads running down from the center that stop at the belly button. The white, hip low skirt has a thick, wide band with gold embroidery, slits up either side that stop at the hip band, the material is thin and flowy with gold trim and vine embroidery along the edges and hem. Under the skirt is a pair of thin, white, form fitting pants. On her feet is something that looks like chain mail, delicately linked, that only covers the tops of her feet. A long, white satin shawl finishes the costume. She looks down at the sudden change, her eyes widen and she quickly wraps the shawl around herself for modesty. "Solmyr! What did you do? This isn't my costume!"
Solmyr: He chuckles and walks over to Sulia's counter. "Just adding a little more spice, that's all, m'dear. He glances over at Kagato and sees the once expressionless man now has his head tilted slightly to one side and a crooked smile at the corner of his lips. "He seems to like the new look." He gives Sulia a wink.
Sulia: She gives Solmyr a disapproving glare. "Change me back this instant! I'm supposed to be a sugarplum fairy, not a belly dancer!"
'Oink.'
Solmyr: "You're not a belly dancer, Sulia. You're a genie. I could turn you into a belly dancer, if that's what you'd prefer, but they wear even less." He chuckles and a wicked glint comes into his eyes.
Sulia: She gasps in horror and her eyes widen to saucers. "Don't you dare! You wouldn't!" She sputters incoherently for a moment.
Solmyr: He takes this opportunity to speak again before she can reprimand him. "At least have a look at it before you decide you hate it." His blue bottom lip sticks out in a comical pout. "For me? Please? If you really don't like it, I'll change it back, I promise."
Sulia: Her eyes narrow and she purses her lips, speaking through clenched teeth. "Fine, I'll look, then you change me back."
Solmyr: "Could someone please bring us a mirror so Sulia can see how lovely she is?" He grins out at the audience and staff.
Random Audience Member: "I have one!" A chubby young witch makes her way through the crowd and up to the stage, then pulls out a small mirror, as well as her wand, and enchants the little reflective item so that it grows to a full length mirror.
'Oink, oink.'
Sulia: She sighs and steps up to the mirror with her eyes still narrowed. She looks herself over, frowns slightly, then looks over her new costume again. She peeks left and right from the corner of her eye, then opens the shawl just enough to see the outfit underneath. The corner of her lip twitches slightly as her eyes slowly roam over the figure in front of her. "Hmm ..." She turns herself left. "Hmmm ..." Then turns herself right, raises her eyebrows and nods her head sideways. "Not bad, I suppose." She mumbles under her breath before facing forward again.
Solmyr: "I didn't think you'd approve if there were any less material, but I thought this would be a nice change for you. You're a sugarplum fairy all year round, so I figured you might like something new just for one day."
Sulia: "Yes, yes." She mutters, not really paying attention to Solmyr, but continuing to look herself over. "I guess I could try it for a little while, but if I don't grow accustomed, you'll turn me back, right?" She looks up at him with wide, yellow, hopeful eyes.
Solmyr: "Of course, m'dear, of course! All I ask is that you give it a chance before making a final decision." He leans in close and whispers in her ear. "I've included something a little ... extra ... with the costume."
'Oink.'
Sulia: "Extra? What do you mean by 'extra' exactly?" She gives him a suspicious look.
Solmyr: "Oh, would you look at that! It's time for more commercials!" He gives the camera another ear-to-ear grin. "We'll be back in a few moments."
As the lights dim for adverts, Sulia can be heard in the background.
Sulia: "Solmyr, what do you mean by extra?!"
****
An old shack looms in the distance and the fog floats down around it. A thin low music begins to play and a couple children walk by shivering and looking like they're about to either run or wet themselves. The shack suddenly shrieks and the children shriek as well while running away ... one obviously with a wet bottom. An ominous voice begins to speak.
BW: "Do you want to be scared? Do you want to scream in fear? Of course you do." A bald wizard with wrinkly green tinged skin appears and grins showing yellowed teeth. "The shrieking shack will make you scream. Why go to another cheap haunted house when you can see the real thing?" He tilts his head back and starts to laugh insanely, the shack shrieks again a couple times and the commercial fades as the wizard continues to laugh.
****
A thin, wiry looking wizard with scraggly grey hair shows up in the fire, steepling his fingers. There is a mocking sneer on his face.
TWW: "You want a real costume for Halloween? You can be the costume with a Polyjuice potion. In fact you can be anyone you want." He pulls out a vial of a thick pea green liquid. "Be the envy of your friends." He waggles his eyebrow and his voice drops low. "Be your friends if you really want to impress them. Buy your potion at Renshaw's Apothecary at the end of Knockturn alley and be the first to spook your peers." The wizard waves the vial around again and he starts to fade. Just before it all disappears, a low disclaimer quickly says 'Renshaw's is not responsible for misuse of the potion causing mutation, injury and or death.'
****
'OINK.'
Solmyr: He looks up into the rafters before noticing the camera on him and shakes his head. When he turns his eyes to the audience again he beams from center stage. "Welcome back, guys and ghouls!" He chuckles.
Sulia: The white and gold skirt of her genie costume flares around her legs as she briskly approaches the host. "What is this extra, Solmyr? I'm not letting you get away that easily. You can't simply jinx one of my cauldrons, watch me chase after it, and expect me to forget our conversation!" Her cheeks flush purple with her anger.
Solmyr: A nervous chuckle escapes him as he looks at the visage of Sulia. "Now, now, m'dear. You may want to calm down before something ... unpleasant happens." He tries to nod subtly to the camera while keeping eye contact with her.
Sulia: "I am VERY calm!"
Somewhere offstage a glass shatters.
'Oink!'
Solmyr: He clears his throat politely. "Of course you are ..." He nods in agreement, then places a steady hand on her shoulder. "Now, why don't you have a seat on the couch and eat some sweets ..." He pauses and mutters under his breath. "... preferably before you bring the building crashing down around our ears with your new found 'gifts'."
Sulia: She squints her eyes at him. "What was that? What gifts? What exactly have you done to me, Solmyr ibn Wali Barad?"
Numerous cracking and snapping noises are heard, followed immediately by a few squeals and thumps.
'Oink, oink, oink!'
Solmyr: "Oh dear ... Could someone please get those audience members new chairs? ... Perhaps something less ... breakable?" He turns his attention back to Sulia and begins rubbing her shoulder. "Well, you see, m'dear, I thought it might be fun to give you some .... uh .... flavour, shall we say?" He watches as one of Sulia's eyebrows nearly disappears into her hairline and one eye begins to twitch ominously. He hurries along with his explanation, quietly. "You see, instead of just looking the part, I thought you might have a spot of fun .... um .... being one."
Sulia: "What?!" Her entire face turns a dark purple, her nostrils flaring. "Do you mean to tell me that you turned me into a-a-a gen ....?!"
Solmyr: He quickly places a large hand over her mouth. "Erm, yes, I did." He looks on as Sulia's eyes seem dangerously close to popping out of her skull and she begins to squirm violently trying to escape his grasp. "Don't worry, don't worry. It's only a temporary transformation intended for fun! Honestly!" When her eyes narrow to slits and her body slackens he finally relinquishes his hold on her. "I swear I'll change you back after the show. You have my word, and that's unbreakable." He blinks and looks out at the wooden chairs in the audience. "Too bad I can't make my words into seats for them." He mumbles.
'Oink.'
Sulia: She speaks breathlessly, but it adds a venomous hiss to her tone. "You'd better change me back, Solmyr, or I'll do what I can to figure out my limits with this 'extra gift' you've given me, then we'll see some changes with the snap of a ..."
Solmyr: He chuckles a little too loudly for it to be in humour, and ushers Sulia offstage. "Yes, yes, I understand." He wanders back on to the stage, but instead of looking at the camera, he looks off to the left. "It's your job to keep people under control, Julian. Would you mind calming your sister down?"
The camera turns to get a view of Julian in his Robin Hood clothes.
Julian: He shakes his head rapidly from side to side. "Are you kidding? I'm not the brightest student at Hogwarts, but I'm not stupid enough to take on Su when she's that mad. Especially not after you've given her some kinda power. Uh uh, that's a deathtrap waiting for a victim, and I ain't it."
'Oink, squeal.'
Solmyr: He sighs heavily. "Well, hopefully she'll cool off while baking some sweets." He glances over toward Sulia and ducks just in time as a large porcelain mug goes whizzing past his head, missing him by an inch and shattering on the wall beyond. He straightens again and gives a lighthearted chuckle. "The lady has aim, I have to give her that."
Offstage Julian can be heard muttering. "She wasn't aiming ... yet."
Solmyr: He again clears his throat, then turns back to the camera with a grin. "Well, things have certainly gotten interesting. And as the Muggles say, my Spidey sense is tingling again." He dodges yet another glass without even looking, this one brushing his hair as it zooms by. "I think we're going to need to buy new kitchen supplies by the end of the night."
A large figure clad in black moves past the camera toward the area the flying objects are coming from.
'Oink.'
Solmyr: "Oh good, a new target ... that isn't me." He glances toward the rafters again, blinks a few times, then looks out at the audience once more. "Alright, now that it seems nothing else will be directed at my head, perhaps we can show how our audience looks? Then I think we'll be just about finished for today."
The camera spins around to show the people offstage, most of which are in wooden chairs and looking rather nervous, a few are sitting in metal seats but don't seem to be terribly certain about the sturdiness. Almost every person is wearing a costume of one type or another. There are a variety of witches and wizards dressed as Muggles, ranging from doctors to baseball players. 'Oink.' Others are decked out as animals of all kinds, and some, who obviously know something of Muggle history or fairy tale, are costumed as different Muggle characters. Some of the more comfortable members of the crowd look up and wave or smile cheerfully. The attention is soon turned back to Solmyr.
Sulia appears at the corner of the fireplace, wringing her hands and looking distressed, but remains quiet as though waiting for her turn.
Solmyr: He looks over in Sulia's direction. "Yes, m'dear?" He winces away slightly, half expecting to have something else chucked at him, but when she signals for him to come closer, he does as asked and leans down toward her.
'Oink?'
Sulia: She shoots a glare at the camera as it follows Solmyr's every move, then sighs and stands on her tiptoes to whisper something to him. Hers being the only voice quiet enough for unheard whispering.
Solmyr: "Quite alright, dear, quite alright indeed." He reaches out and gives her shoulder a light pat. "You toddle on and make your sweets. I think you'll find that little gift of mine comes in quite useful for such tasks." He gives her a wink and watches as she bounces off toward the kitchen area again with a smile on her face. "And it seems that's all the excitement we have time for today. Thank you for joining us here on Witches and Wizards Today, and we hope you'll come back again soon! If you wish to be in our audience, send an owl to me, Professor Solmyr ibn Wali Barad at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry."
'Oink, oink!'
Before the lights dim, words float by near the bottom of the fire place in the form of the address Solmyr had just given.
At last the house lights die down until only a soft glow is left, the camera tilts forward slightly, but the stage is still in plain view. Repeated oinks can be heard.
Solmyr: "Holly m'dear, you really need to get that oinking under control. It nearly disrupted the whole show." He chuckles, utterly amused by the little sounds.
Holly: "I'm really sorry, Professor, but ... oink ... something seems to be going ... oink ... wrong with this ... oink ... enchantment." Three consecutive oinks and a loud squeal follow her words.
Solmyr: "Oh my. Well, let's see if we can fix that." He rushes off stage, much clanking and banging is heard. "You have to sit still. Stop wriggling!"
Holly: "I can't ... oink ... help it ... oink! It's ... oink ... not my fault! Oink, oink!"
A loud snap is heard, followed by complete silence for a few seconds.
Solmyr: "There, is that better?"
Holly: "How'd you do that? I'm not oinking anymore! Thank you, Professor!"
Solmyr: He can be heard chuckling again. "It's quite alright, m'dear. Easy enough for me to fix. Off you go now, you're all done." He appears back on the stage and seems to be looking around aimlessly.
Sulia: She makes her way onto the stage again and approaches Solmyr almost shyly. "Um, Solmyr? Could I ask you a little favour?"
Solmyr: "Of course, of course. The show's over now, so I'll change you back, as promised." He raises his hand and places his thumb and middle finger together.
Sulia: "No, no! I was wondering if I ..." Her cheeks turn a faint purple. "... if I could, well, keep this costume for one more day."
Kagato: He moves up to Sulia's side, a crooked smile on his face and gives a slight nod of his head.
Solmyr: "Ah, I see. Of course you may, Sulia." He gives her a wink. "Just stop by my office when you're ready to be transformed back to the real you."
Aaron: "Is that bloody camera still on again? I swear I'm going to put a shoe up Remy's ..."
The scene suddenly goes black.
Episode #3
The low spitting of the fire gives way to roaring flames as a dimly lit scene begins to unfold. The large blue host of Witches and Wizards Today, otherwise known as Solmyr, heads up to the stage and stands before the couch with his hands on his hips. He can easily be heard chuckling to himself as he shakes his head.
Solmyr: "Now who would want to cover up such a beautiful piece of furniture?" He again shakes his head as he deftly removes the blanket, and suddenly the dim lights blaze off the loud, nearly blinding, Hawaiian shirt patterned couch. "Much better, much better." He dusts his hands off and turns to walk off stage. He stops dead in his tracks as the house lights suddenly burst to life, the couch becoming almost impossibly brighter, and looks at the camera with surprise. It doesn't take long for his composure to return and an ear-to-ear grin replaces the stunned look on his face. "Oh! Hello, hello! Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Witches and Wizards Today!" He glances offstage for a moment and can just barely be heard whispering "I didn't think we were supposed to start for another few minutes." Apparently receiving word from whomever he was speaking to, he straightens again and looks out to the audience. "We have a delightful show lined up for you today! As you can see, it's going to be very special." He lifts his feet from the floor and crosses his legs, his body hovering in mid air. "Since it's Halloween, I thought perhaps we could have a bit of fun with today's show. Instead of having actual guests, we're just going to dress up like Muggles do this time of year and relax for awhile." He clears his throat as his grin widens all the more. "As you can see, I'm already dressed for the occasion."
The camera pans out enough to take in the full view of the host. He sports a pair of white, slightly puffed out genie pants, a white turban with gold trim and a crimson red ruby set in the center of the forehead, a white sash tied around his waist with gold thread woven through, white vest also with gold trim, and a pair of white, hook toed shoes. He somehow manages to look completely normal in the outfit, but that could be due to the blue skin, yellow eyes and silver goatee and ponytail on his otherwise hairless body.
Solmyr: "Not bad, eh, not bad?" He gives the camera a playful wink, then tilts his head to the side slightly as a soft 'oink' comes from somewhere off camera, he looks around to locate the source of the noise, then seeing nothing he recovers with a grin and continues. "Let's see what everyone else is wearing, shall we?" He flashes another ear-to-ear grin as his eyes wander off stage, seeking out the first costumed employee to introduce. "Ah, how about our director? He's looking quite dapper today."
The camera turns again to show the young, blue haired director of the show, Aaron Hayden.
Aaron: His blue hair is slicked back neatly, he wears a white dress shirt, dark blue neck tie, jacket, slacks and a shiny pair of black shoes, looking very much like a Muggle businessman. He glares at the camera and tries to wave it away, but Remy, the camera boy, only pans in for a close up from feet to head until the director stands up and starts walking forward.
The view locks onto Solmyr again ... quickly.
Solmyr: "I believe we have time for one more before we need to go to commercials. So, who should we introduce next?" Again his eyes float over the room off camera until his face lights up. "Yes, perfect! Here we have Julian ... Ladies, please remain calm." He chuckles.
The camera slowly turns toward the side of the room as if trying to build the anticipation.
Julian: He grins charmingly at the crowd and blows kisses to random girls, who proceed to either scream, cry or faint. He's decked out in a pair of dark brown, knee high suede boots, forest green tights, the cuffs of a dark brown, skin tight shirt show from beneath the slightly rolled up sleeves of a forest green shirt, overtop of both shirts is a dark brown felt jerkin and atop his head is a dark brown archer's hat. His shoulder blade length hair is tied back and dyed brown with a couple curls hanging loose on either side of his face. A long bow and quiver of arrows is strapped to his back, and a sword is at his hip. He removes the hat from his head and bows to the audience, then stands again grinning. "In case those of the Wizarding community are wondering, I'm dressed as the legendary Muggle character Robin Hood." He blows a few more kisses, gives the camera a flirtatious wink, and waits for the attention to be drawn elsewhere.
Someone can be heard clearing their throat loudly off camera, but the image of Julian in those green tights still fills the fireplace. After about three minutes, the view abruptly changes back to Solmyr. Another soft 'oink' is heard.
Solmyr: He again glances around to locate the creature making the odd noise, but finding the efforts fruitless he just gets on with the show. He chuckles and grins. "Thank you, Aaron." He glances at the camera again. "I know the ladies are probably dying for more of Julian, but we really must get on with the show. There are still more costumes to see, but for now we have to go to commercials. Most of which will also have a Halloween theme. Stay tuned!"
****
A pair of red haired twins appear in the fire pit grinning brightly, though mischievously. One has a sweater bearing a large letter F, the other a similar article with the letter G.
First twin: "I'm Fred!"
Second twin: "And I'm George!"
Fred: "And together we own ..."
In unison: "Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes!"
George: "Come see us at number ninety-three Diagon Alley."
Fred: "That special discount for Hogwarts students is still in effect, but for a limited time only .... we hope!"
George: Whispers low to his brother. "Maybe we should tell them some of the stuff we have to offer? After all, there's still a couple minutes left to this advertisement."
Fred: He speaks in an equally hushed tone. "Yes, I think we should." He looks out to the audience beyond the flames again with a grin. "Let's see, we have Portable Swamps ..."
George: "Nosebleed Nougats ...."
Fred: "And all sorts of other delights!"
George: "Yeah, so pop by soon before they're gone and we're forced to close shop to make more!"
The two can be heard laughing as the commercial fades to blackness.
****
The face of an aged man with white, stringy hair and pale blue eyes appears in the flames.
Olivander: "Come to Olivander's Wand shop in Diagon Alley for all your basic and advanced wand needs. As an All Hallow's Eve special, we're offering a limited time offer for Wands of Transfiguration. In need of a costume? Don't want to spend hours shopping for or casting spell after spell in search of the perfect one? Buy one of these specialty wands just for the occasion."
Small disclaimer near the fire bed reads: Good for one use only, no refunds available, use at own risk as 'costume' does not necessarily mean 'clothing'.
****
Solmyr: The large blue host dressed as a genie appears in the fire again. He grins and nods to the camera. "Shall we continue with showing off?" He chuckles and nods again in the camera's direction. "Back there we have young Remy. Turn that thing around, m'boy, and reveal your costume of choice."
The view swings full circle until a young boy with hair normally redder than a Weasley's comes into sight.
'Oink.'
Remy: He too looks around trying to figure out where the heck that sound keeps coming from, then shakes his head and looks into the camera. He smiles shyly, blushes faintly and gives a little wave to the audience. His costume, though he looks remarkably female and hard to distinguish as a boy, is of Dorothy from the Muggle movie the Wizard of Oz. Surprisingly fitting since the lad is from Australia. He sports a blue and white checkered dress that stops just below the knees, a white shirt underneath with slightly puffy sleeves, a pair of blue socks, glittery ruby-coloured shoes and a brown wig done in pig tails with spirals and tied with blue and white checkered ribbons.
Not long after Remy's outfit is shown, the scene changes back to the host.
Solmyr: "And a natural blush for those rosy cheeks." He chuckles and winks at Remy. "Well now, not many left to show off, then we can pan the audience to see them all dressed up as well. Next I think we'll introduce Holly Spenser."
As the scene changes again, the camera stops briefly on the director.
Aaron: He glares and points upwards to the rafters.
The view continues tilting up until a young girl appears.
Holly: From the rafters she gives a small wave and smile. Her clothes are entirely pink. She's wearing a pink, full length body suit that shimmers faintly, a small curly tail pokes out from behind, a pair of thin pink slippers with a look of cloven hooves at the toes, pink face paint, a set of pointy pink ears and a cute little pink snout. 'Oink.' She smiles again. "Obviously I'm dressed up as a piggy. Hence why I keep oinking too. Just a little enchantment I placed on myself." She laughs quietly, gives another little smile and waits for the attention to be drawn away.
Solmyr appears in the fireplace again.
Solmyr: "Who else, who else ...." He mumbles to himself as he looks around again. "Ah yes! I almost forgot our ominous looking bandmaster Kagato." He feigns a shudder and looks offstage. "Quite a frightening one he is."
As the camera turns to view the band, the scene shakes just a little bit as creepy music plays in the background.
Kagato: His prominent figure demands all the attention the moment eyes are focussed on him. He says nothing. Just stands there, stock still, expressionless and looming. He's dressed in a long, thick, black coat which is left open to reveal a pair of black pants, a crimson red pique vest, white dress shirt, and small crimson red neck tie. A black homburg hat and polished black shoes accent the costume, as well as the most striking finishing touch .... a pure white mask that covers his entire forehead, nose and tapers off to the right to reveal his entire mouth, but not his cheek. He slowly reaches up to his face and lifts the mask just enough to show a gruesome sight. The flesh beneath the covering looks as though it were burned, all that remains is yellowed scar tissue and very little skin. A few loud screams are heard from the audience. He replaces the mask, still without expression, and tilts his head forward just enough to nod to the camera.
'Oink.'
The camera quickly moves back onto the host of the show.
Solmyr: While looking curiously at Kagato, he begins talking again. "Well that was ... interesting." He gives himself a shake and looks at the audience again. "And now it's advertisement time again. Don't worry, we'll be back."
****
The fire goes dark for a couple seconds at the beginning of the commercial when suddenly there are some howling sounds and a couple little glowing white and green ghosts start floating around. They're the source of the sound and after a moment a crusty looking old wizard appears with bright robes and a huge hat. He brushes the ghosts aside.
CW: "Honeydukes has new creepy creations for your super Halloween sweet tooth. New in: Ghostly Gummies!" He reaches out and grabs a couple of the ghosts that are floating around. They let out a little screech as they're eaten. "Mmmm! Delicious!" He grins brightly. "And we have the ever popular Everlasting Gobstoppers!" He winks and holds one in the palm of his hand. "Willy Wonka's not the only one with them ..." He grins brightly and the candy vanishes. "... but we're the only others with the secret, so come on down to Hogsmeade and fulfill your Halloween candy wishes!" He holds his hands up and the fire is filled with magical sparkles as he and the commercial fade away.
****
A skantily clad witch appears in the fire dressed as Cleopatra. A bunch of weird dancy Halloween music is playing behind her. She does a little twirl and runs a hand over her hair when she faces the audience again.
Enrica: "Enrica Arbuckle here reporting from the funnest dance tavern in Hogsmeade, Magica's Melodia Tavern. We've got a fantastical, spine tingling dj and lots of horrific wonderific music. There's refreshment and the most shiver inducing atmosphere tonight, so why aren't you here?" She giggles and flips her hair. "It's Halloween and there's still room so creep your way over. C'mon and get freaked out! Magica's is the place to be!" She twirls again before she and the music fade.
****
Solmyr: He stares off stage with a large grin on his face and a distant look in his eyes.
Aaron: From off camera he clears his throat numerous times, then seeing as it has no effect on the Host, he starts whispering loudly. "Solmyr? Solmyr. Solmyr!" His voice finally booms. "SOLMYR!"
Solmyr: "Not exactly what Cleopatra looked like, but certainly a nice touch ..." He goes on mumbling to himself barely audibly. Julian: "Allow me, Aaron." He grins broadly, scoops a small cauldron from the counter where Sulia is busy working away on some sweets. He walks back to the stage, moves behind Solmyr and .... CLANG!
Solmyr: He drops like a stone from his hovering position and falls on his face.
Aaron: "Damn it, Julian! Shock him out of it, not kill him!"
'Oink!'
Julian: "Uh, sorry about that." He grins and hides the cauldron behind his back. "Guess I forget my own strength sometimes."
The female portion of the audience sighs at the innocent look on Julian's face and tone in his voice.
Solmyr: From his place on the floor, he moans softly and blinks his eyes open. "What happened?" He rubs his head and stands up, then notices the camera on him. "Oh my, how long was I out for? Are we still doing the show?" After apparently getting confirmation, he grins from ear-to-ear again and starts babbling away. "Well, now that we're back from commercial break ..." He trails off momentarily with a dreamy look in his eyes, but a loud 'oink' snaps him back to reality. "Ahem, as I was saying, now that we're back, we can continue with the unveiling of costumes! Next on the agenda, and last I do believe, is Sulia!"
The camera turns to the kitchen area where a young woman bustles around, apparently frustrated by something, until she notices the attention on her.
Sulia: She sees the camera finally. "Oh ..." She reaches a hand up to her poofy sugarplum fairy hair. "Oh ..." She looks around. "Why are you here?" She looks at her table with half fixed goodies and smiles half heartedly. "I'm not quite finished the treats yet ..." She tugs at her poofy sleeves. "These get in the way a little bit." She has on a little silver tiara with diamonds, short silvery kid gloves, a wand with a pointy tip that sprays sparks randomly, a plum coloured dress with poofy sleeves and silver trim with a similarly coloured tutu skirt, and finished with a pair of silver satin slippers. She looks away from the camera and down at the counter with her hands on her hips and a soft frown. "Now where's that cauldron gone off to? It was here just a minute ago ..."
'Oink.'
Solmyr: He tuts and shakes his head, then gets a mischievous grin on his face. He snaps his fingers, clears his throat and nods toward Sulia.
Sulia: Her once pale, creamy white skin is a royal blue in colour, her green eyes have turned a solid yellow, and her once brown hair is now silver. In addition to the physical transformation, her costume has also been changed. Instead of a sugarplum fairy, she now adorns a female genie outfit. The white top, while not overly concealing, has wide straps with gold embroidery, the bottom of the top stops just below the breasts and is shaped in curves to accent the form beneath, also with gold embroidery and trim, and has eight strings of beads running down from the center that stop at the belly button. The white, hip low skirt has a thick, wide band with gold embroidery, slits up either side that stop at the hip band, the material is thin and flowy with gold trim and vine embroidery along the edges and hem. Under the skirt is a pair of thin, white, form fitting pants. On her feet is something that looks like chain mail, delicately linked, that only covers the tops of her feet. A long, white satin shawl finishes the costume. She looks down at the sudden change, her eyes widen and she quickly wraps the shawl around herself for modesty. "Solmyr! What did you do? This isn't my costume!"
Solmyr: He chuckles and walks over to Sulia's counter. "Just adding a little more spice, that's all, m'dear. He glances over at Kagato and sees the once expressionless man now has his head tilted slightly to one side and a crooked smile at the corner of his lips. "He seems to like the new look." He gives Sulia a wink.
Sulia: She gives Solmyr a disapproving glare. "Change me back this instant! I'm supposed to be a sugarplum fairy, not a belly dancer!"
'Oink.'
Solmyr: "You're not a belly dancer, Sulia. You're a genie. I could turn you into a belly dancer, if that's what you'd prefer, but they wear even less." He chuckles and a wicked glint comes into his eyes.
Sulia: She gasps in horror and her eyes widen to saucers. "Don't you dare! You wouldn't!" She sputters incoherently for a moment.
Solmyr: He takes this opportunity to speak again before she can reprimand him. "At least have a look at it before you decide you hate it." His blue bottom lip sticks out in a comical pout. "For me? Please? If you really don't like it, I'll change it back, I promise."
Sulia: Her eyes narrow and she purses her lips, speaking through clenched teeth. "Fine, I'll look, then you change me back."
Solmyr: "Could someone please bring us a mirror so Sulia can see how lovely she is?" He grins out at the audience and staff.
Random Audience Member: "I have one!" A chubby young witch makes her way through the crowd and up to the stage, then pulls out a small mirror, as well as her wand, and enchants the little reflective item so that it grows to a full length mirror.
'Oink, oink.'
Sulia: She sighs and steps up to the mirror with her eyes still narrowed. She looks herself over, frowns slightly, then looks over her new costume again. She peeks left and right from the corner of her eye, then opens the shawl just enough to see the outfit underneath. The corner of her lip twitches slightly as her eyes slowly roam over the figure in front of her. "Hmm ..." She turns herself left. "Hmmm ..." Then turns herself right, raises her eyebrows and nods her head sideways. "Not bad, I suppose." She mumbles under her breath before facing forward again.
Solmyr: "I didn't think you'd approve if there were any less material, but I thought this would be a nice change for you. You're a sugarplum fairy all year round, so I figured you might like something new just for one day."
Sulia: "Yes, yes." She mutters, not really paying attention to Solmyr, but continuing to look herself over. "I guess I could try it for a little while, but if I don't grow accustomed, you'll turn me back, right?" She looks up at him with wide, yellow, hopeful eyes.
Solmyr: "Of course, m'dear, of course! All I ask is that you give it a chance before making a final decision." He leans in close and whispers in her ear. "I've included something a little ... extra ... with the costume."
'Oink.'
Sulia: "Extra? What do you mean by 'extra' exactly?" She gives him a suspicious look.
Solmyr: "Oh, would you look at that! It's time for more commercials!" He gives the camera another ear-to-ear grin. "We'll be back in a few moments."
As the lights dim for adverts, Sulia can be heard in the background.
Sulia: "Solmyr, what do you mean by extra?!"
****
An old shack looms in the distance and the fog floats down around it. A thin low music begins to play and a couple children walk by shivering and looking like they're about to either run or wet themselves. The shack suddenly shrieks and the children shriek as well while running away ... one obviously with a wet bottom. An ominous voice begins to speak.
BW: "Do you want to be scared? Do you want to scream in fear? Of course you do." A bald wizard with wrinkly green tinged skin appears and grins showing yellowed teeth. "The shrieking shack will make you scream. Why go to another cheap haunted house when you can see the real thing?" He tilts his head back and starts to laugh insanely, the shack shrieks again a couple times and the commercial fades as the wizard continues to laugh.
****
A thin, wiry looking wizard with scraggly grey hair shows up in the fire, steepling his fingers. There is a mocking sneer on his face.
TWW: "You want a real costume for Halloween? You can be the costume with a Polyjuice potion. In fact you can be anyone you want." He pulls out a vial of a thick pea green liquid. "Be the envy of your friends." He waggles his eyebrow and his voice drops low. "Be your friends if you really want to impress them. Buy your potion at Renshaw's Apothecary at the end of Knockturn alley and be the first to spook your peers." The wizard waves the vial around again and he starts to fade. Just before it all disappears, a low disclaimer quickly says 'Renshaw's is not responsible for misuse of the potion causing mutation, injury and or death.'
****
'OINK.'
Solmyr: He looks up into the rafters before noticing the camera on him and shakes his head. When he turns his eyes to the audience again he beams from center stage. "Welcome back, guys and ghouls!" He chuckles.
Sulia: The white and gold skirt of her genie costume flares around her legs as she briskly approaches the host. "What is this extra, Solmyr? I'm not letting you get away that easily. You can't simply jinx one of my cauldrons, watch me chase after it, and expect me to forget our conversation!" Her cheeks flush purple with her anger.
Solmyr: A nervous chuckle escapes him as he looks at the visage of Sulia. "Now, now, m'dear. You may want to calm down before something ... unpleasant happens." He tries to nod subtly to the camera while keeping eye contact with her.
Sulia: "I am VERY calm!"
Somewhere offstage a glass shatters.
'Oink!'
Solmyr: He clears his throat politely. "Of course you are ..." He nods in agreement, then places a steady hand on her shoulder. "Now, why don't you have a seat on the couch and eat some sweets ..." He pauses and mutters under his breath. "... preferably before you bring the building crashing down around our ears with your new found 'gifts'."
Sulia: She squints her eyes at him. "What was that? What gifts? What exactly have you done to me, Solmyr ibn Wali Barad?"
Numerous cracking and snapping noises are heard, followed immediately by a few squeals and thumps.
'Oink, oink, oink!'
Solmyr: "Oh dear ... Could someone please get those audience members new chairs? ... Perhaps something less ... breakable?" He turns his attention back to Sulia and begins rubbing her shoulder. "Well, you see, m'dear, I thought it might be fun to give you some .... uh .... flavour, shall we say?" He watches as one of Sulia's eyebrows nearly disappears into her hairline and one eye begins to twitch ominously. He hurries along with his explanation, quietly. "You see, instead of just looking the part, I thought you might have a spot of fun .... um .... being one."
Sulia: "What?!" Her entire face turns a dark purple, her nostrils flaring. "Do you mean to tell me that you turned me into a-a-a gen ....?!"
Solmyr: He quickly places a large hand over her mouth. "Erm, yes, I did." He looks on as Sulia's eyes seem dangerously close to popping out of her skull and she begins to squirm violently trying to escape his grasp. "Don't worry, don't worry. It's only a temporary transformation intended for fun! Honestly!" When her eyes narrow to slits and her body slackens he finally relinquishes his hold on her. "I swear I'll change you back after the show. You have my word, and that's unbreakable." He blinks and looks out at the wooden chairs in the audience. "Too bad I can't make my words into seats for them." He mumbles.
'Oink.'
Sulia: She speaks breathlessly, but it adds a venomous hiss to her tone. "You'd better change me back, Solmyr, or I'll do what I can to figure out my limits with this 'extra gift' you've given me, then we'll see some changes with the snap of a ..."
Solmyr: He chuckles a little too loudly for it to be in humour, and ushers Sulia offstage. "Yes, yes, I understand." He wanders back on to the stage, but instead of looking at the camera, he looks off to the left. "It's your job to keep people under control, Julian. Would you mind calming your sister down?"
The camera turns to get a view of Julian in his Robin Hood clothes.
Julian: He shakes his head rapidly from side to side. "Are you kidding? I'm not the brightest student at Hogwarts, but I'm not stupid enough to take on Su when she's that mad. Especially not after you've given her some kinda power. Uh uh, that's a deathtrap waiting for a victim, and I ain't it."
'Oink, squeal.'
Solmyr: He sighs heavily. "Well, hopefully she'll cool off while baking some sweets." He glances over toward Sulia and ducks just in time as a large porcelain mug goes whizzing past his head, missing him by an inch and shattering on the wall beyond. He straightens again and gives a lighthearted chuckle. "The lady has aim, I have to give her that."
Offstage Julian can be heard muttering. "She wasn't aiming ... yet."
Solmyr: He again clears his throat, then turns back to the camera with a grin. "Well, things have certainly gotten interesting. And as the Muggles say, my Spidey sense is tingling again." He dodges yet another glass without even looking, this one brushing his hair as it zooms by. "I think we're going to need to buy new kitchen supplies by the end of the night."
A large figure clad in black moves past the camera toward the area the flying objects are coming from.
'Oink.'
Solmyr: "Oh good, a new target ... that isn't me." He glances toward the rafters again, blinks a few times, then looks out at the audience once more. "Alright, now that it seems nothing else will be directed at my head, perhaps we can show how our audience looks? Then I think we'll be just about finished for today."
The camera spins around to show the people offstage, most of which are in wooden chairs and looking rather nervous, a few are sitting in metal seats but don't seem to be terribly certain about the sturdiness. Almost every person is wearing a costume of one type or another. There are a variety of witches and wizards dressed as Muggles, ranging from doctors to baseball players. 'Oink.' Others are decked out as animals of all kinds, and some, who obviously know something of Muggle history or fairy tale, are costumed as different Muggle characters. Some of the more comfortable members of the crowd look up and wave or smile cheerfully. The attention is soon turned back to Solmyr.
Sulia appears at the corner of the fireplace, wringing her hands and looking distressed, but remains quiet as though waiting for her turn.
Solmyr: He looks over in Sulia's direction. "Yes, m'dear?" He winces away slightly, half expecting to have something else chucked at him, but when she signals for him to come closer, he does as asked and leans down toward her.
'Oink?'
Sulia: She shoots a glare at the camera as it follows Solmyr's every move, then sighs and stands on her tiptoes to whisper something to him. Hers being the only voice quiet enough for unheard whispering.
Solmyr: "Quite alright, dear, quite alright indeed." He reaches out and gives her shoulder a light pat. "You toddle on and make your sweets. I think you'll find that little gift of mine comes in quite useful for such tasks." He gives her a wink and watches as she bounces off toward the kitchen area again with a smile on her face. "And it seems that's all the excitement we have time for today. Thank you for joining us here on Witches and Wizards Today, and we hope you'll come back again soon! If you wish to be in our audience, send an owl to me, Professor Solmyr ibn Wali Barad at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry."
'Oink, oink!'
Before the lights dim, words float by near the bottom of the fire place in the form of the address Solmyr had just given.
At last the house lights die down until only a soft glow is left, the camera tilts forward slightly, but the stage is still in plain view. Repeated oinks can be heard.
Solmyr: "Holly m'dear, you really need to get that oinking under control. It nearly disrupted the whole show." He chuckles, utterly amused by the little sounds.
Holly: "I'm really sorry, Professor, but ... oink ... something seems to be going ... oink ... wrong with this ... oink ... enchantment." Three consecutive oinks and a loud squeal follow her words.
Solmyr: "Oh my. Well, let's see if we can fix that." He rushes off stage, much clanking and banging is heard. "You have to sit still. Stop wriggling!"
Holly: "I can't ... oink ... help it ... oink! It's ... oink ... not my fault! Oink, oink!"
A loud snap is heard, followed by complete silence for a few seconds.
Solmyr: "There, is that better?"
Holly: "How'd you do that? I'm not oinking anymore! Thank you, Professor!"
Solmyr: He can be heard chuckling again. "It's quite alright, m'dear. Easy enough for me to fix. Off you go now, you're all done." He appears back on the stage and seems to be looking around aimlessly.
Sulia: She makes her way onto the stage again and approaches Solmyr almost shyly. "Um, Solmyr? Could I ask you a little favour?"
Solmyr: "Of course, of course. The show's over now, so I'll change you back, as promised." He raises his hand and places his thumb and middle finger together.
Sulia: "No, no! I was wondering if I ..." Her cheeks turn a faint purple. "... if I could, well, keep this costume for one more day."
Kagato: He moves up to Sulia's side, a crooked smile on his face and gives a slight nod of his head.
Solmyr: "Ah, I see. Of course you may, Sulia." He gives her a wink. "Just stop by my office when you're ready to be transformed back to the real you."
Aaron: "Is that bloody camera still on again? I swear I'm going to put a shoe up Remy's ..."
The scene suddenly goes black.