A/N: Alright, Mads, I wrote this one for you. And it amuses me immensely. Just a couple of quick tidbits for 'yall.
1) I stole the opening "action figures" scene directly from Spaceballs. Why? Because I can! This is fanfiction! If you haven't seen Spaceballs, stop reading this story, and go watch it. Rick Moranis and Mel Brooks are brilliant.
2) Shut. Up. I know I'm supposed to be working on WIRED now, but Mads won't stop pestering me.
3) And HERE'S where the Snape/Herm starts to take effect. And why this story is rated "R". Because student/teacher smut is wrongful. Doesn't mean that I can't read/write it, but, god, in real life, it's NARSTY.
4) Recognize the interruption statements? They're from the opening sequence of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you haven't seen THAT, stop reading this and go bang your head against a door, because you're so uncool.
Proceed with Caution.
~Disclaimer- I don't own this. I currently wish that I had the willpower to actually do my homework for once, and a PS2. With a DDR pad, and DDR MAX. And a large amount of spending money~
The Tiki Game
Chapt 7.
Task 3- It's only plastic
Snape drew out his wand, and killed both Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter simultaneously. Then, he focused his attentions on the stunning brunette in front of him.
"Now, Hermione, I have you right where I want you! You will never escape from my sexy powers!"
"OH! OH! No, Snape! Please! Ohhhhh… that feels SO good… Oh, yes! YES! YES!"
He slowly leaned in to-
Snape heard a knock on his classroom door. His eyes grew wide, his face a flustered shade of red, and he shoved his action figures in the drawer under his desk.
"WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY ARE YOU KNOCKING ON MY DOOR!?!?!??!" He shouted at the door. Obviously, the door didn't respond. Doors don't talk.
Now, the person BEHIND the door can talk. Really, what do you take these characters for?
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We would like to apologize for that traumatic outburst. The author has been beaten over the head with a large, wooden mallet.
Thank you.
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"WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY ARE YOU KNOCKING ON MY DOOR?!?!!?" He shouted.
"Sorry, I know class just ended fifteen minutes ago, but I accidently left my bag in here…" A pleasing feminine voice answered his shouting, and the figure opened the door. One time, I got hit in the face with a door. Obviously, the door didn't hit me. Someone hit me with the door…
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We would like to apologize for that off-topic statement of stupidity. Those responsible for beating the author over the head with a large, wooden mallet, have been beaten over the head with large, wooden mallets.
Thank you.
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"Sorry, I know class ended a couple of hours ago, but I accidently left my bag in here…" A pleasing feminine voice answered his shouting and the figure opened the door.
Severus wasn't so surprised to find that his mystery late night visitor was Harry Potter. Wait a second, how could Harry's voice be feminine? Damn you plot bunnies! Well, it's technically my fault. I wanted to get Snape and Harry into a slash relationship, and then have Tom Felton come in and join. And then, maybe some Christian Coulson for variety…
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We would like to apologize, yet again, for that last statement. Slash is wrongful. Those responsible for beating those responsible for beating the author over the head with a large, wooden mallet, have been beaten over the head with large, wooden mallets.
Thank you.
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I hate you, inner voices.
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We hate you too. That's not the point. You have a story to finish.
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Screw the story, I want some slash!
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NO SLASH.
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Fine, fine…
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Back to the Story…
Severus wasn't so surprised to find that his mystery late night visitor was Hermione Granger. But, you already knew that, didn't you?
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We're not even going to try and stop you this time.
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Thank you. It is MY story, after all.
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JUST GET ON WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING STORY!!!!
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I despise you.
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Back to the back to the story…
Severus wasn't so surprised to find that his mystery late night visitor was Hermione Granger. Seeing as, it was her bag that was left in his room. He had noticed the bag sitting next to her workstation, and had disregarded it. Assuming she would come back, of course.
Then again, the potions master had never seen her in QUITE SUCH tight fitting clothing. Her brown ringlets of hair came tumbling down her face, and her soft, pink, lips were so enticing to him. Bad Snape, Bad Snape. Don't look at her lips. Don't look at her lips…
He instead focused on her chest. Which wasn't really the best place to look, either. Seeing as her tight fitting black shirt was making him drool. Focusing on her lower torso would just send him into a dead faint. Such tight jeans…
"MISS… GRANGER… WHAT… A LOVELY… SURPRISE… TONIGHT… I MEAN…"
Hermione wasn't surprised to notice that the words coming out of his mouth were strained. Thank Merlin she decided to get some fashion help from Lavendar and Parvati.
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Ginny and Draco, on the other hand, were muffling bouts of laughter with their hands. The stupidity of the situation was killing them. Seeing Snape so flustered was just too good to be passed up. Ginny had even brought her wizarding camera. Just for the occasion.
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Well, she thought, it was now or never.
"Professor, I've always admired your teaching style."
And that growing bulge in your pants.
"And I just wanted to let you know that I might want to… take our academic relationship to a 'friendlier' level."
Snape's eyes widened.
"FRIENDLIER!?!?!?" He stammered.
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Draco snickered. This was TOO good.
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Snape was startled beyond belief. This HAD to be some silly prank that the girl was playing at. Smartest in her grade, she wasn't one known to make stupid mistakes. Well DUH, she's HERMIONE, you idiot.
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Remember what we said about going off topic… and stating the blatantly obvious…
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I know, I'm having too much fun writing this chapter.
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We figured.
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Back to the back to the back to the story…
After that random outburst, Snape was STILL startled beyond belief.
"Um, Severus, you might want to pick up your jaw now." Hermione grinned.
"BUT… BUT… IT'S IMMORAL… AND WRONG!!!" Snape was gripping the table so hard that his knuckles were turning white.
Hermione let out a fake sigh.
"Well… I figured that you would say that…" she slowly turned around to walk away, without noticing that the professor had gotten up from his chair, and forced his mouth onto hers.
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Ginny and Draco had stopped laughing. And were now gawking at the sight of the 41 year old Potions Master snogging the 17 year old Hermione senseless.
And the fact that she seemed to be enjoying it.
"WHOA… I want to be snogged properly like THAT."
"You know, Weasel, we could always try it sometime…"
"Shove it Malferret."
"Touchy."
They slowly snuck over behind the cabinet, and stepped inside. Touching the wood planks as Hermione had shown them, the door opened, and they cautiously entered. Of course, there was no immediate need to be cautious, seeing as Snape wasn't going to stop anytime soon.
Grabbing the small glass bottle, Ginny quickly exited and grabbed Draco's hand.
"Come on! Stop gawking! We've got to HURRY!"
Draco seemed rather traumatized at the sight of Snape and Hermione, on top of the teacher's desk.
"You know what, I'm just going to leave you here-"
He snapped out of it, and ran out the door with her.
Neither noticed that they had left Hermione in the room.
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Sitting on Draco's bed, they went over the list again.
"Okay, that one's checked off. The next task is…" Ginny's eyes bugged out.
"… I think that the twins are out to get me."
"Come on, it can't be THAT bad." Draco grabbed the list.
Harry Potter's Lucky Boxers
"Well, you're in Gryffindor! Just go get them from his room!"
"No, Draco… those are his 'lucky' boxers."
"… lucky?"
"The ones that he wears for sex."
Draco laughed. And then laughed harder.
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Next Time: The next task! Woohoo! Bet you can guess what that'll be!
A/N: Yes, I KNOW that was convoluted. Don't remind me. My writing skills leave something to be reckoned with. So hush.
See that button, down there in the lower left corner? Doesn't it look nice to push? The one that says REVIEW?
Yes… you want to push the button… the little blue button…
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