*sob* I want to start my angsty story now! You guys are rather unfair, having me slave to the bone…

Since most of you read both TIKI and WIRED, here's the update on the future of WIRED. I will be rewriting the ENTIRE story in a tad while, so don't worry. Some of the chapters need to be pieced together, things combined, etc. Also, I'll be doing the same for this story. In WIRED, everything'll come together, promise. In the meantime, have your daily dose of TIKI.

Disclaimer: *sings the I own nothing song*

Oh, and by the way, I got a request through email from someone who wanted to archive the ficlets. Just to let you know, I'd be happy as long as you credited me. As soon as I'm done with the story, okey?

Also, after this, I'll be starting the fic that I finally said that I was going to do. The one where all of the M's and I, along with various HP characters get locked in the Brentwood Borders. *cheers* Christian Coulsen will be MEIN!

And now, the long awaited NOTES!

Cheshire Cat 283- Yes, "FOOMCOTFLMFAOSHICB!" to you too. Ah, luff you. Thank yee for being one of the most faithful reviewers!

Wicked Lee- It was a rather fun chapter to write, I must say.

Dracomio- All shall be revealed about the boxers in this chapter or the next, believe me. I wasn't going to just leave it to your imagination, don't worry.

Annibug- NO one has any idea what Dumbledore has up his sleeve. Even I don't have any idea. Only the plot bunnies know. And my muses.

Brown-sugar3: Well, of COURSE they're going to get into more trouble! Thanks for reviewing.

Meagan- I'm making up a mailing list, and I'll email you when I get that one up, k?

Katie- Wow, thank you! I'm not a person usually referred to as brilliant, sadly. Than yee for supporting!

Sweetstar3- You know, you're the ONLY one who caught that! *hands cookie* I was waiting to see if someone would grasp the fact that Fred and George created the neverending game! Enjoy!

The Flying Moose- Yesh, and you ARE hylerical yourself! (I WILL use that word, actually. Probably in future chapters)

Crunchy and good with ket- Wow, you've been reviewing all of the stories religiously. Man… Feel free to take up the challenge, twinkle!

GothicTheatreVampire- CAPS ROCK!!! Hilarious goodness is always good.

Run and hide- You may LOVE the story, but I LOVE your screen name, dammit!!

Kamikaze chibi kuroneko- Yup, I now have provided plenty of inside jokes for you people. Silly me.

Hidden-Tales4evea- You know, I might just do that. Doesn't sound too bad…

DeepAmethyst- Oh, thank yee! Yes, my plot bunnies have a rather dirty vocabulary. Just for you, I added even more naughty and unspeakable things. ^^;;; enjoy!

Thank you to: the hylarical Maddy T, Mel Brooks for making Spaceballs, Marion for giving me so many great ideas, AND EVERYONE WHO READ AND DIDN'T LEAVE A REVIEW! And the people who DID leave a review, but I just didn't note you. Sorry bout that.

THE TIKI GAME

CHAPTER 9

Task 6

I'm just trying to get some cookie!

Ginny sighed. The worst was over. She looked back over the list of tasks, and her eyes widened.

Draco rushed over.

"Ginny, what's wrong?"

"The list…" She glanced at it once more before shoving it in his face.

"It never stops, Draco. There's no way to win."

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Draco Malfoy felt his jaw hit the floor.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO WAY TO WIN!?!?!?"

The forlorn look on Ginny's face convinced him that she wasn't lying.

"I mean what I said. There's no way to win the Tiki Game. None. Finito. Absolutely Nil. Nuh Uh. Nada-"

"Okay, you can stop now. How can you tell?"

"Well, just look at the list in your hand!"

He looked down at the list. "Gin, I don't see anything..."

She glared him down. "LOOK HARDER, IDIOT!"

Looking harder, he noticed a couple of new tasks.

"Hey! There are some things here that weren't here earlier! This stupid fucked up thing doesn't stop!"

"Right-o, Malferret."

"Don't call me that."

"Fine."

"So…" she placed her head in her hands, "Whatever are we going to do about it?"

"Keep on playing, of course! There has to be some way to win!!! We will ACHIEVE!!"

There was a rather long pause. Draco was worried that she had died, or something. But, when she brought her head up, she was grinning.

"I was hoping that you would say that."

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Severus strode angrily down the hallway, muttering something to himself about 'damned Weasleys" under his breath. As he turned the corner toward the DADA room, he found himself knocking into an unfortunate student, and unfortunately toppling on top of them.

A loud shriek erupted from the girl, snapping her eyes shut. Professor Snape opened his own eyes, and found himself looking at the form of Hermione Granger trembling underneath him. He then proceeded to think about all of the dirty and perverted things that he could do while she was crushed by his large form. So caught up in his reveries, he didn't even notice Hermione open her eyes and glare daggers at him.

"EXCUSE ME," she started loudly and then cleared her throat, "I'd enjoy it verily if you decided to GEROFF!!!!"

The professor flustered, and started to stand up. He didn't expect his robes to be grabbed by Miss Granger, or for her to start snogging him senseless.

Also, 25 minutes later, he didn't expect Colin Creevey to walk by and snap a picture.

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Draco turned toward his lord, marveling at his chocolate chunks of glory.

"I never thought I'd see the day when I would be ruled by Cookie-mort," he added with a flourish.

"Well, at least we don't sell cookies for fundraising purposes," Voldie-Cookie-mort added.

"Damn those blasted girl scouts. Do we HAVE girl scouts in Britain?"

"Nope, they're just like door to door male prostitutes though."

"That bad?"

"Yup." Voldie-Cookie-Mort grimaced. An unpleasant sort of grimace, it was.

"So, what are our new plans for world domination, your cookie masterfulness?"

"Ooh!" Voldie-Cookie-Mort squealed with german girlish glee. "I like that name!"

"Of course, your cookie masterfulness."

Voldie-Cookie-Mort squealed again.

Draco was surprisingly not feeling nauseous, but exceedingly turned on by the giant cookie of death. That scared him exceedingly.

"My delectable delicacy," Voldie-Cookie-Mort squealed again as Draco continued, "Are we able to kill Harry Potter in this plan of yours?"

"I don't very well know. I was going to kill all of the Weasleys first, but that's just me. Any suggestions, Drakkie?"

"No calling me Drakkie."

"Sorry, sorry."

Draco stuck his lower lip out in a pout, and continued.

"Can we avoid killing the youngest Weasley, Miss Virginia?"

"Why, are you developing feelings for the young wench?" Voldie-Cookie-Mort chuckled.

"Well, I could be, but-" Draco stammered and was interrupted by Voldie-Cookie-Mort.

"Would master Malfoy like another plate of cookies? He has had 6 plates already." Cookie-Mort suddenly started to shrink in size.

"Excuse me? Why the fuck are you shrinking, my lord!??!"

"Master Malfoy should not use such profanity in the presence of a Hogwarts house elf!" Voldie-Cookie-Mort pouted.

"But you're an evil dark scary overlord! Definitely not a house elf!"

"Dobby is insulted by your lack of foresight, Master Malfoy!"

"… DOBBY!??!?!?!"

Draco sat up suddenly, hitting his head against the table. The last thing he remembered was talking to… Cookie-mort. Wait a second, that wasn't logical.

He really needed to stop having those late night kitchen snacks. Rubbing his eyes, he opened them cautiously to reveal the scowling face of Dobby.

"Dobby… get the hell OUT of my face!!!" Draco stood up, then fell down after hitting his head again on the table.

"Dobby is assuming that Master Malfoy doesn't want any more cookies?"

"Indeed Dobby, Indeed."

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"Colin, PLEASE, I'm begging you!" The figure got down on their knees, looking up as innocently as possible.

"Nope, this is good front page stuff!" Colin looked at the sighing figure in front of him, with that pleasing feminine voice. He had always desired a go with-

"Look, I'll help you with your homework! Anything!"

"Why should you be helping me? I'm best in all of my classes, hon." Colin licked his camera seductively.

"… Merlin, that's just nasty. I'll tell Dumble-whore on you!"

"You wouldn't DARE!"

"Indeed, Creevey, I would."

Colin sighed, and knew that he had been beaten.

No one could match wits with the dead sexy Severus Snape.

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Ron was just trying to take a nap.

He had no control of the fact that a burlap bag was placed over his head, or that he was carried off into the great unknown.

But now, sitting in the enclosed room, he was content with twiddling his thumbs.

He really wanted a cookie. Really REALLY wanted a cookie.

"I WISH I HAD A COOKIE!"

A cookie suddenly appeared in front of him.

"Wow, I must be dreaming. It's almost like saying that I wish I WAS a cookie-"

A loud pop was heard, and Ronald Weasley was nowhere to be found.

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Ginny walked out of her bedroom, sighing as she grabbed her hairbrush and prepared for another long day.

She didn't notice the appearance of a new task on the sheet, making it's way toward the top.

Task

Rescue Ronald Weasley from almost certain death.

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Next time: Slashyness, we find Ron, the wrath of Crookshanks, and JUST WHAT Ron's gender preference IS!

Thank 'yall for reading! I'd like to give special thanks for this chapter to Marion, Maddy, and Riane, for all that they do and help me accomplish. Thanks guys!

By the way, I'm on the favorites list of 14 members! Get it up to 25 by the next chapter of this story, and a special treat for all of you!

... come on, you KNOW you want to press that review button down there. PRESS IT!