Chapter 6:  Send the Pain Below

             When Remy came to, the first thing he was aware of was the throbbing on the left side of his face, he stretched his mouth and put his hand to his face, gingerly touching the cheekbone the pain was coming from, he winced, "fuck…" he whispered.

             He sat up, leaning back against the nearest tree, Rogue was sitting nearby against another tree, her view set on the younger members.  When she heard his voice, she turned, and looked at him, "you've been out cold an hour…"

             Remy rubbed his face, the memory of what had happened was vague, all he remembered was being hit, he could barely believe he'd been out cold for an hour. 

             Rogue looked at him, "something wrong?" she could tell my the expression on his face his mind was working overtime.

             "You…hit me," Remy said, "I don't mean like one of your play hits, I mean…you actually fucking hit me…" He winced at the pain up the left side of his face, he ran his fingers across his cheek, he could tell the flesh was swollen, and the area around his eye seemed to be swollen also.

             Rogue was hugging her knees, "I know."

             Remy got up slowly, feeling slightly unsteady, "did it make you feel better then?" he asked he walked over slowly, holding his face.

             "Not really.  I didn't mean to hurt you, I just…"
             "Didn't know what you were doing?" Remy finished her sentence for her, he glanced towards the campfires, everyone was still there, they were all singing a Halloween song.

             Rogue stood slowly, "you made me mad…I reacted…I…"

             Remy shrugged, "forget it."

             "Remy, I hit you…and you want me to just forget it?  I could have killed you…" she placed her hand on his shoulder carefully.

             He shrugged her hand off of his shoulder, "maybe you should have killed me, woulda done us both a favour, non?" he sighed.

             Rogue looked at him, "don't talk like that."

             "How do you want me to talk?"

             "I don't know, okay," Rogue sighed and turned away from him, "You're not making this easy on me."

             "And you aren't making it easy on me either, Chere!" he raised his voice at her, he looked straight at her, "I can't be within two yards of you without bein' reminded of every little mistake I ever made!"

             Rogue held her breath, she didn't want to lose her temper again, "it's not my fault you've made so many mistakes, Remy.  And screwing around with other women, and then pretending to be dating my best friend to win me back are about the worst mistakes you can make."

             "Don't you think I know that?" Remy asked, "but doesn't the fact that I pretended to date Kitty SHOW you how much I want you back, I mean, jesus, this is KITTY we're talking about here," he pointed out.  "I'm no more attracted to Kitty than I'm attracted to Logan's hairy ass!" he remarked.

             "That's not funny," Rogue folded her arms.

             "It wasn't meant to be.  Doesn't the fact I went with her prove how far I'd go?  I kissed her to make you jealous…"

             "It didn't work," Rogue frowned, her eyes averted.

             "Yes it did, because then you and Jared started arguing…so it did work, you were jealous…you wanted me back…I bet that's what you were arguing about."

             Rogue frowned, she hated it when he was right.  She would have given anything to have the strength to lie and say no, but then that would make her just as much of a liar as she decided he'd always been.

             "I want you back, I don't care if you gifts back, I don't care how many times you hit me, I don't care if I can never make love to you the way I want to, or if I can never kiss you, or if I can never have children with you…"

             Rogue felt a lump forming in her throat.

             "I want to be with you…" Remy said, "I'll would give anything to be with you, chere…I won't hurt you again…I swear this time, Chere."

             "You swore the last time you never would, Remy!" Rogue yelled, "and yet a month later you were screwing Bella Donna!  And now you've fucked some other girl…and—" Rogue clenched her fists in frustration, "my life was vaguely normal until you came barging into it, Remy!  No seventeen year old girl should have to go through what I've gone through.  And if I let you in again you're going to repeat the whole damn thing over again, you'll betray me, you'll lie to me, you'll sleep around!"

             Remy looked at her, "I already been truthful with you, isn't that proof that I want to stop with the lies?" he asked, "And…I would never sleep with any other woman…ever…" he hoped his words would absorb into her, and sink in.  He meant it.  If she'd only be with him, he would never want to be with anyone else, all he needed was her. 

             "How do I know that?" a single tear trickled down her cheek, glistening in the light from the nearby fire, which with more wood burning on it, had grown larger, the light spreading across the clearing and to the circle of trees, the small patch where Rogue and Remy were standing.

             "What do you want me to do to prove it, Chere?  Tell me?" Remy looked at her, "my word is not good enough," he sighed, "so what can I do to convince you?"

             Rogue sniffed, "there is nothing…you can't prove it, and I can't believe you."

             "I can prove it…" he swallowed fearfully, "I…I would castrate myself if that would convince you…" he said, his voice serious, he looked at her, he felt a nervous lump forming in her throat, he meant every word, and as scared he was of that very thing, he knew if it took that to keep Rogue by his side, he might have to comply.  "If I don't have the organ, I can't betray you with another woman…" he looked at her, his eyes full of fear, but a secret rage.

             "You're lying," Rogue shook her head, "You'd never.  You couldn't hurt yourself like that…you wouldn't," she pushed her ponytail over her shoulder absently.

             Remy reached into the pocket of his black leather trenchcoat, he pulled a swiss army knife out of the pocket, "I could," he looked down to the knife, his hair was stirring furiously in the wind.

             "Remy, don't," Rogue looked at him, her voice began to grow quieter, she could feel her tension rise, he surely couldn't be serious, he surely wouldn't castrate himself to prove a point.

             Remy pulled the largest knife free of the casing, "you want proof…" he looked at her, "this might be the only way I can prove to you how serious I am…how I'd hurt myself for you…"

             "Remy don't!" Rogue cried at him, "this isn't funny anymore."

             "It isn't meant to be funny," he stepped behind the tree, he unbuttoned his jeans with one hand, still holding the knife in another.  "This is even less than I deserve…" he added, his voice sounding suddenly angry, frustrated with himself, and the situation, but the belief that if he did this one thing, it might make everything right.  The hope that it would pushed him onwards.

             "NO!" Rogue gaped, "You are not going to cut yourself to prove a point, Remy!" she felt panicked, her heart was thudding in her chest, she felt a cold sweat beginning to form on her brow, she was trembling even more. 

             He drew his breath, he unzipped the jeans.

             "NO!" she screamed, she rushed over, catching both his wrists and pressing them upwards, pushing him towards the nearest tree, pinning his hands there, "how crazy are you?!" she demanded.

             He looked at her, trying to free himself from her grasp, "crazy enough."

             Rogue held his hands tight against the bark of the tree, "drop the knife."

             "No," he said firmly, looking her right in the eyes.

             "Drop the fucking knife!" she cried loudly at him, she didn't care if the others heard anymore, she struggled with him to get the knife.

             "Marie, stop it," he frowned, "I don't wanna have to fight you for my freedom," he struggled forcefully, the more he did so the more she pushed his wrists back against the bark, he could feel it digging into his bare hands, he gripped the knife even tighter.

             "I don't want a boyfriend with missing appendages!" she frowned at him.

             "What?" he asked, looking at her with much confusion, did she just say she was going to take him back?  Or was it perhaps just his temporary insanity speaking.

             "I'm not takin' you back if you're gonna turn into someone who self-harms himself because of me, Remy, I could never live with myself if you did."

             "That's rich," Remy looked at her, "are you forgetting you nearly killed yourself because of me?" he shot at her coldly.

             Rogue frowned, "Remy, I'm serious, you're scaring me, please just drop the knife…" her voice was becoming shaky again, she looked close to tears, "Please…"

             He let go of the knife, it dropped from his hand – which was pinned high up – and they both heard it land on the soft ground.

             Rogue let go of him and knelt down to pick the knife up, she folded the knife back into its place, she held it firm in her hand, she didn't want to pocket it, she knew Remy had some impressive pick-pocketing skills. 

             Remy rubbed his wrists, her grip had been perhaps a little too strong, he looked at her, "You should have let me, Chere.  Woulda fixed things, wouldn't it?" he asked.

             "No, it wouldn't have!" Rogue looked at him, she was beginning to worry about his sanity.

             "Where do we go from here?" Remy sighed.

             "We start over," Rogue said, "We have too much history to continue like everything is normal," she looked at him, "but this is it, Remy, I mean it…the last chance…if you screw up…you won't have to leave the X-Men, because I will."

             Remy looked at her, "I won't screw up…" he whispered.

             Rogue glanced to her watch, "it's midnight, we need to get the kids back."

             He leaned back against the tree, "aren't you going to hug me at least?"

             "No," Rogue said, almost in a cold tone.  "We're starting from scratch, we'll date, no hugging, no touching, nothing," she looked at him, "You're gonna work for it, LeBeau.  We both are."

             Remy looked at her, as much as he hated her cold tone, he admired her having enough guts to take a last chance on him, he had to admit, he wouldn't have blamed her if she hadn't.  She was more brave than he thought.  This time, he was going to have to make sure he didn't let her down. 

- The End (Or is it??????)