Ah, the many children of the south…don't ask, I just really wanted to say that. Oh reviewers, you're all so kind! I'd give you a cookie, had I not eaten them all. I give you a flower, if I had any. I'd give you my dog, had he not been an evil psychopath that mysteriously breaks down fences and attacks young children and tries to rape this girl up the roads de-sexed female dog. *Deep breath* Phew. Oh, I shouldn't have said 'Phew'; it always gets Pokemon music in my head. But I hate Pokemon! How strange. Anyhow, I have made my decision on the subject of what occurred in Lulu and Wakka's room, and you shall be told…sometime during the story. And I'm SORRY I didn't update for so long! I truly am! It's just I kinda forgot, and Fanfiction.net deleted most of my fics, and this is the only one going now, so I sorta expected it to be gone soon enough. BUT ITS NOT! You know why? Because this story has a plot! A hidden plot, but a plot none the less. Well enough me, there's a story to write here. Might be a bit different, since I'm actually working on a serious fic at the moment, and I've been playing Onimusha (part 1, stupid, I'd never get an Xbox). I GOT THE DAMN OCARINA AND THEN I DIED! Damned Dark Realm. Well, tally ho, pip pip horray, I hope the story is just SPIFFING! Sorry 'bout that.

Disclaimer: You know the drill, refer to chapter two or one. Oh, I referred to Onimusha earlier, didn't I? That's by Capcom, always the ones for good games…

Behind The Suitcase

Yuna yawned her humongous, fish like mouth. Actually, it was nothing like a fish, but if you change her first letter with Tidus' she becomes Tuna and he becomes Yidus. Some sort of a spade, I guess. Tidus sat by a sphere in the corner, watching so intently that Yuna was certain his eyes would roll out of his head and possibly into a container of lovely Tinkerbelles if he wasn't careful. She sat up, and smelt horrible since people never change their underwear or clothes in games. They really stink. So much so, that Tidus had become accustomed to the smell, and didn't notice her awaken.

"Ah, so that's how you do it…"

As Yuna remembered, that was the Sphere Tidus had used to record the going ons in Lulu and Wakka's room from the previous night.

"HEY MINJLING, THE EGGS ARE ON FIRE AND GEMIMAS LEG IS PRINTING YO MAMA!!!!!!!!"

That got Tidus' attention, as evil leprechaun poison infected Yuna predicted.  

"WAH!" Tidus spun around, trying desperately to hide the projection behind his back. He frantically scanned the room with his panicky fluro ocean blue eyes, so fluro they were scary, so fluro they were like lamps, so fluro that the first time Lulu met him she'd tried to make mini curtains to cover his eyes, SO FLURO THAT THE PENNYFARTHING PURIFYING CARTWHEEL SLUT THELMA FROM 'BLUE TOWN BLUES' CAFÉ POOED HER PANTS WITH MINISCULE DONUTS WHO SANG IN THE CHOIR IN TENESEE! Gee, that's fluro for ya.

"Yuna, you liar! No one's printing my ma, especially not Gemima. She's tried it once before." Tidus scolded.

"Really?"

"YEAH, SO WHAT'S IT TO YA!?" Oh no! Evil Gemima! It would seem she just hasn't learnt her lesson, eh? Would ya like a description, pansy pee pee? Well, think of a bright red haired HUMOUNGOUS ANT! That's Gemima. And she poo's on every third step she makes. Eyyuck. By the way, her hair is in…*DUN DUN DUN*…Piggy tails! Horrible, I know.

"Nothing, nothing. But, Tidus, may I ask you something?" Yuna asked n the voice that can only be described as 'twincy'.

"NO!" And he swung a panda made of eye wrappings at her! But Yuna was swift, and cunning, and had already dodged! She even had her own funky music thing going down, you know? Like "Doo doot doot doo doot doot duna dar!" Sorry, I'm rambling again.

"DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN! Now then, what was it you were watching?"

"I cannot tell, milady- -"

"TELL ME!!!" And her eyes burned with such ravenous anger and withheld rage that even Kimahri would wet his…rag thing.

"I WAS WATCHING LULU AND WAKKA DO EACH OTHERS HAIR!" He shivered and crawled into a corner, rocking himself back and forth…back and forth…

"Oh? What's so bad about that?"

"…You mean you people accept people knowing of you hair combing routines?" he asked timidly.

"Yeah. Why?" Tidus GASPED! Yes, it was such a gasp I had to write it in capitals. Such a gasp that it was like a vortex, sucking in bugs and dirt and vacuums of space and clothes accessories and even small children!

"In Zanarkand…it was seen as pornography…you know, hardcore stuff…extremely sensual and only done by horny teens and newly we lovers stuff…"

"I'm not sure we should journey to Zanarkand anymore…" Yuna thought a loud. Tidus coughed up a child, whom scampered away.

"Why not?" Tidus questioned, now with a non-child blocked voice.

"Tis a silly place…"

Ah, these Ronso have left me atop the deck! And although it is nice to see the dolphins, there is a considerably smelly child trying to find a spot to grope me. HAS THIS CHILD NO SHAME? Although I did see her shifty parent standing nearby, covered in a large black trench coat, I doubted anyone would help me.

"Hey, you, suitcase…want some help?" Oh. I was wrong.

Yes! Yes! Oh dear God, Yes! I'm so humiliated to be caught, though.

"Well it comes at a price…gotta tell me, where'd ya last see Wakka?"

In the cabin! Third to the right!

"Good…the deal shall be done…" and then the damn shifty woman grabbed the little girl and threw her off the boat! My kind of lady.

"And don't come back!"

And away the mean lady marched. Gees. We suitcases could use more women like her…

She busily ran her fingers through his soft hair, massaging away what would be tenseness in any normal person's brain. But Wakka rarely thought anyway, so what tenseness was there to massage away? Ah, who cares? She had ten minutes with him, before she turned to her evil-not-so-nice-I'll-burn-your-nuts-if-you-mess-with-me attitude. At least, that's what she thought…

A large axe smashed away at the wood of the door, before a slightly maniacal face popped through the jagged hole she'd created.

"HERE'S JOHNNY!" and with that she burst into evil psychotic laughter. But things did not go to plan. Instead of Lulu screaming like a melting bat and growing one large demon wing like Sephiroth before imploding upon herself, leaving sexy Wakka for all her hormonal lusting, something else happened. Something completely incomprehensible.

"Hey Johnny. Could you not smash open my door next time? I coulda been naked, ya?"

She was momentarily stunned by the thought of a naked Wakka. Not to mention she'd started drooling…

"Johnny? You there?"

"NO! My real name is…*evil laughter and lightning flashing in background* LORA!" Her evil laughter was suddenly interrupter though.

"Why'd you have to go lie then, ya? What I'm s'posed to be your friend and accept you an' all dat when the first thing I hear out your mouth is a lie?"

"I- well"

"Why don't you leave, you deceiving cunning whore!" Lulu yelled at her. She bowed her head and began to leave, when she suddenly remembered something.

"HEY! I'M THE EVIL ONE, YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!" Lulu shrugged, and went back to her massaging job, while Wakka's eyes became half lidded as he leaned his head back again. She growled, and smashed the door open even more with her axe, before stepping through.

"You've got some problems, Lora."

"SHUTUP, WITCH!"  Her eyes blazed with fiery anger! Luckily she had a spare bucket of water to douse her eyes, which could've been extremely damaging. Remember kids; ALWAYS carry a spare bucket of water!

"Now, this is what we're gonna do…You jump out the window, I strip Wakka of all his clothes, and proceed to make love/rape him, okay?"

Lulu shrugged.

"Fair enough." And she started to squeeze through the porthole.

"WAIT! Wait wait wait wait wait!" Wakka yelled. He pulled Lulu back in by her thighs and stared directly at Lora.

"Now I don't mean to make things complicated girls, but you could always…share me, ya?"

"Good. It goes 80/20, in my favor." Lora announced.

"Why do you get %80 of his hot, hot body?" Lulu complained.

"BECAUSE I'M THE EVIL ONE!"

"…Agreed."

Yes! Wakka thought. A threesome, with me and two gilrs! This has got to be my birthday or something…

"But let's just get this straight, I'm not lesbian, alright?" Lora announced. So many announcements from this girl. Sheesh. She should be President or something.

"Damn." Wakka cursed out loud. Oh well, there was always his porn…

HAZAH!

I finally got the third chapter up, this time with Lora in it. Mainly because she's a good FF.Net buddy of mine, and if the rest of ya'll had bothered with some of my other stories with the same type of humor, or with my second chapter, you could've been introduced too! Truly, I got jack all reviews for chapter 2. You should all be ashamed! In case you didn't know, if I don't get reviews, I lose inspiration, and I don't continue! It may take me a while to get these things up, but hey, I don't see YOU with anything as random as this. Now if you excuse me, I shall leave to wallow in my self pity. Please REVIEW, it makes my MONTH! Not my day, not my week, not my fortnight, my MONTH! It was my younger brother's one year death anniversary about 3 weeks ago or so, that's why it wasn't posted then. Now goodbye my HOPEFULLY faithful reviewers. The only real one was Qui-Ti, and Torn Angel only just started reading, so where we the rest of you? Oh well, I can't stay angry at you guys…it's partially my fault too. Bye bye, no hard feelings!