Title: Just Friends
Author: Chezza
E-mail: cyberchezza@tiscali.co.uk
Status: Complete
Sequel/Series: None
Summary: They're just good friends. Really.
Season: Seven
Spoilers: Season Seven's Chimera. So if you don't wanna know, then don't read it. Simple as that.
Category: Fluff/Minor angst
Characters: Jack O'Neill. Sam Carter.
Pairing: S/J, Sam/Other.
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Language
File Size: ?
Archive: Jackfic, Carterfic, Helio, Fanfiction.net, Gateworld, SJD, my site….. If anyone else wants it,
just lemme know where you're taking it, so I can come visit.
Disclaimer: Ain't mine! Surprise…. Stargate and it's characters etc, belong to all those folks who
actually make *money* out of them. Any original stuff you may find in there is mine. Tho' sadly, it's
unlikely to ever bring me any cash….
Authors Notes:
As always, thanks go to dragonlady for the beta. Flames will be used to light Teal'c's candles not
like *that*! Get your mind outta the gutter, f'cryin' out loud!. but constructive feedback (and criticism)
is always gratefully received. Enjoy!
© Chezza 2003
~~~o0o~~~
Jack took a long pull from his bottle of Guinness and sighed in contentment.
'What could possibly be better than this?' He thought.
He had a good beer – *stout* he corrected himself, Grandpa would turn in his grave to hear him
calling it beer. A good view; a good meal; – which he'd just finished - and a good long evening;
(during which he wasn't required to do *anything* else) to enjoy it all in.
'Yup', Jack thought, 'what could possibly be better than this?'
'Good company to enjoy it all with you?' The little voice at the back of his head asked, insisting on
playing devil's advocate as always.
Jack gave a mental shrug. Yeah well, it couldn't be helped. Best laid plans and all that…. Besides, he
had the entire night sky for company and when you considered how many planets out there had life
on them, well…how much more company did he want, really?
He set his bottle down and leant forward to peer through his telescope once more, adjusting it slightly
to get a better view. The red planet swam into focus. Ah, that was better. Mars had been as close to
Earth as it was going to come for a *very* long time, a few months ago. He'd got some wonderful
pictures. It was moving away again now, but it was still an awesome sight. You could just about make
out some of the larger lines and marks on it's surface.
Jack often wondered if they really were the signs of an ancient civilisation. Heh, imagine the look on
the NASA guys' faces, if it turned out there was a stargate on Mars and they got there first! They'd be
gutted. All those years of hard work to launch a mission for nothing…. Hmm, he'd have to ask Carter
about the possibility of that.
He'd wanted to join NASA when he was younger. Hey, who didn't? It was *space* travel! The stars
had always fascinated him. Ever since Grandpa O'Neill had taught him the constellations one summer
holiday spent up at his cabin. Jack smiled at the cherished memory of a young boy, seeing the night
sky properly for the first time. Unlike Chicago, light pollution was non-existent up at Grandpa's cabin.
Ever since that day, they'd inspired him. In his early Air Force days, he'd flown everything he could
get his hands on, in the hope of being chosen for the astronaut programme. But he'd been chosen for
special forces work, due to his 'other abilities' instead and had given up on his dream, figuring it to be
just another missed opportunity. Now here he was visiting other planets, travelling further across the
galaxy than anyone in NASA was ever likely to go. Funny how things turned out.
Jack allowed himself a brief moment of indulgence at the thought. He travelled to other planets. His
job was fighting an intergalactic war and representing Earth to all the folk they met out there. How
cool was that?! Sure, it was a big – *huge* – responsibility, but that didn't make it any less cool.
Sometimes when he read about all the crap that was going on in the world, it made him want to yell it
from the rooftops. Don't you know what's out there? We've got bigger things to be worrying about
than *this* for crying out loud! But he didn't. Even if he could, he didn't know if he would. Folks just
weren't ready to deal with the concept just yet. They'd probably just stick him in a strait jacket and cart
him off to the loony farm.
Daniel had asked him once how he did it. How he dealt with knowing all this and never being able to
tell anyone what he did. Jack had just shrugged. He didn't know. He guessed he was just used to it.
He'd been doing it for years in 'spec ops' before even joining the SGC. It became second nature after
a while. The words 'classified' and 'need to know' were your friends. Besides, Jack mused, why would
he *want* to tell anyone? *He* knew what he did. Jack O'Neill, Chicago city boy – once voted 'least
likely to succeed in life' – knew. That was enough for him.
Jack reached down for his bottle again, trying to shake the melancholy mood that had settled over
him.
Suddenly he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. He knew the feeling well enough by now – it
had saved his life on more than one occasion. He wasn't alone up here any longer. He cocked his
head slightly to one side. First thing when you thought you were being observed – don't let on that
you know.
He listened hard. Someone was climbing the ladder to his rooftop. The sounds stopped for a second
and he heard a muffled curse. He frowned. He knew that voice anywhere. The sound of shoes on the
metal ladder resumed and he turned around to face the point where the ladder reached the roof, just
as the head of the voice's owner popped into view, over the edge of it .
~~~o0o~~~
"Hey Carter." He said.
She yelped and then cursed, as his words made her jump and nearly lose her grip on the ladder.
"Sir!" She replied, obviously thrown by his presence. "What are you doing here?!"
Jack frowned. 'What was *he* doing here?'
He stood and went over to give her a hand up on to the roof.
"I *live* here, Carter. This is my house."
"I know *that*, sir." She said, still sounding a little flustered, as she accepted his helping hand and
climbed up on to the rooftop. "But…I thought you were going to be out tonight?"
"I was." He said absently, as he took a look over the edge of the roof. There was her car parked
outside. Huh, that showed how preoccupied he'd been, he hadn't even heard her pull up. Good job
she was a friendly. He frowned. She was definitely here on her own. Hmm. He turned back to her.
"My hot date cancelled." He quipped.
She snorted. She knew as well as he did that he'd been meeting some old friends. He stuck his hands
in his pockets.
"They got called away. Something came up."
They hadn't been at liberty to say what that something had been . He wasn't the only one who's work
was classified 'Top Secret'.
She raised an eyebrow. "They didn't say what?"
He shrugged. "Gotta love that 'Classified Information' gig."
To be honest, they hadn't offered any more details and he hadn't asked. He'd been there – still was in
some respects - so he knew better. He'd see them again, if and when he saw them again. No point
fretting over it. It wasn't like that would change anything.
"Yeah," she said quietly, hugging herself.
Jack narrowed his eyes. Something was definitely up. Wasn't she supposed to out with Pete tonight?
Hmm, ten bucks said the 'something', was to do with him. Why else would she be climbing the steps
to his roof – alone - on a night when she knew he wasn't going to be there?
"So," Jack said, clearing his throat and breaking the awkward silence that had just fallen.
"What brings you by?"
He pulled his hands out of his pockets and wandered back over to his chair, flopping back down into it
and sticking his legs out.
"I mean, I thought you and Pete – ", he waved his hand for emphasis, " - were going out to celebrate
his…return to health. So to speak?"
The guy had been released from the Academy Hospital last week sometime. Jack was glad he was
okay. Really he was. Alright, so as far as he was concerned the guy had got no more than he
deserved, for sticking his nose where it wasn't allowed in the first place. But still…he was glad. For
Carter's sake if nothing else.
Carter gave a short laugh and turned away.
"We had a talk this afternoon."
Jack gave a brief note of the head. Yup. His ten bucks were safe.…
"He gave me the 'can we still be friends' speech."
…oh. Jack winced.
"Ouch." He murmured. That was never a good one to receive. He knew, having been on the end of it
himself from Sarah.
"Yeah."
"He say why?"
She gave another laugh. It was bitter.
"Apparently he needs to…sort some things out. He needs time to think, get his head round what
happened. Or so he says. He's – and this is the best bit – 'not sure if he can handle a relationship
right now'. Not with 'where his life is at the moment.' His own words."
Jack frowned. "Sounds to me like he needs to get his priorities straight. Someone should give the guy
a quick slap upside the head."
She chuckled, but there was no humour in it. "I really don't think it would help. He says he can't deal
with a complicated relationship right now. And apparently a relationship with me is…complicated. But
we could still be friends, right?"
"Hope you told him where to shove it."
Sam shook her head. "And sound bitter and twisted about it? Please. I have *some* pride left, you
know."
Jack chuckled. "Yeah," he said fondly. It was one of the things that made her who she was. Strength
of character. Or something.
Silence fell.
Jack cleared his throat. "So…what happens now?"
She shrugged. "Now…I guess he goes back to Denver and finds himself a nice 'uncomplicated' girl
who's life doesn't include violence, unexplainable absences and classified occurrences. One that he
can settle down with and have 2.4 children."
"Picket fences?"
She laughed shortly. "Probably."
Jack shook his head. "See I don't get that. He's a *detective*. He should be used to that kinda stuff.
Okay, mebbe not quite *that* kinda stuff, but still, busting drug runners 'n' stuff ain't exactly a walk in
the park."
"That's the point. Apparently he has enough of it in his work. He doesn't want it in his personal life as
well."
Jack felt a stir of anger at the words. Jeez, talk about selfish! Relationships were about give and take.
*He* oughta know for cryin out loud! It was where he'd gone wrong.
"So what? He wants the perfect family to run home to at the end of the day? One that he can use to
help him forget about all the shit he's had to deal with that day? It doesn't work."
She turned back to look at him, surprised at his outburst.
"What?"
"It doesn't work." He repeated, staring at her, making sure she got the message. "You can't just…use
another person like that. It's not fair on them and sooner or later they're gonna say something – or
something's gonna happen - and it's all gonna come crashing down around your ears. Which makes it
doubly harder to deal with, because then you've suddenly lost your little comfort zone where you
thought nothing bad would ever happen. He's an idiot if he thinks otherwise."
She nodded slowly. "Well, he's not my idiot anymore, so I don't suppose it really matters."
Jack sighed. Here she was trying to deal with this and he was mouthing off.
"Sorry Carter." He said. "I just think he's making a huge mistake that's all."
She gave him an odd look.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Carter…"
"I just…I don't know…I just didn't think you'd be this…*angry* about it, I guess."
Jack frowned. "Why wouldn't I be?"
She looked uncomfortable and wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Carter…he was good for you. He made ya smile. Got you outta that lab of yours. That alone earned
him points in my book."
Even if he did hate his guts because it was Pete and not him. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it coming.
She'd been bound to find someone sooner or later. The odd thing was that it hadn't bothered him as
much as he thought it would. Not really. He hadn't felt the urge to go out there and smash the guy's
face in. Although he was rapidly changing his mind on that….
"And now he's throwing it all in cos he can't cope with a bit of violence. Why? Because it ruins the
image of his perfect dream? Yeah, I'm angry. I'm pissed on your behalf. You deserve better than
that."
She looked at him for a moment, then gave a sound half way between a laugh and a sob and turned
away, her shoulders shaking.
Jack sat stunned, looking at her. Aw, hell. He hadn't meant to do that…now what was he supposed to
do?
~~~o0o~~~
He stood and went over to her.
"Hey," he said softly, placing his hand on her shoulder.
She turned round and buried her face in his shoulder, her hands clutching at his shirt. Okay, so this
was…different.
He patted her back awkwardly. "Um, yeah. That's right, Carter…let it out."
She cried harder, her tears starting to soak through his shirt. Jack grimaced. Ugh, he hated this kinda
thing…he was hopeless at it. Why hadn't she gone to Daniel? He was so much better at this stuff….
This was all Pete's fault, he thought with another surge of frustration. It wasn't supposed to be like
this. Pete was a nice guy. He was supposed to make her happy. Give her someone young and vibrant
– someone like her – to relate to, someone to give her a life outside of her work.
God knew she needed one and it wasn't like he could provide it. She was supposed to be out there
having a good time. Having dinner, laughing, dancing with the man she thought she'd lost. Not stood
in the dark on a rooftop, crying on her CO's shoulder. It wasn't *right*. But then neither was Cassie
losing a mother for the second time in her life.
He sighed. Life just sucked sometimes. Badly.
She'd stopped crying now, the occasional sob still escaping, as she calmed down. He wrapped his
arms round her and gave her a gentle hug. It was an indulgence, but she didn't seem to mind. He felt
her arms let go of his shirt and he loosened his grip thinking she was going to pull away like she
always did whenever he tried to hold her for more than a second. Then he felt her arms slide round
his back. She kept her face buried in his shoulder. Encouraged, he slid one hand up to rest on the
back of her head. She sighed softly.
"Want me to kick his ass for ya?"
She gave a half-laugh. "Thanks for the offer sir, but I really don't think it would help."
'That was better. It was almost a proper laugh. Keep going Jack.'
"Yeah, probably not. Striking a police officer and all that…"
"Hey," He continued. "I could get Teal'c to do it. I don't think you can arrest an alien. Diplomatic
immunity or something."
She chuckled. "Are you trying to cheer me up?"
'Uh-oh, she'd figured it out. Oh well…'
"That depends – is it working?"
"Yes." She whispered.
"Well then…yeah, I guess I am."
She pulled back and he reluctantly dropped his arms. She wiped at her eyes with her hands and
sniffed. Jack dug a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her. She looked at him. He rolled
his eyes.
"It's clean."
"Thanks." She murmured and blew her nose.
"Um…" She said, unsure what to do with said hankie now she'd finished with it.
"Hang on to it." Jack said.
She nodded and tucked it into her jeans pocket.
"Sorry, sir." She said with a wan smile. "I knew this would happen if I ran into anyone tonight. It's one
of the reasons I came here. I knew you were going to be out and I needed somewhere to go.
Somewhere quiet, that didn't remind me of Pete."
Jack felt a sense of satisfaction that out of all the places she could have gone, she'd chosen his
place.
'That had to mean something, didn't it?'
"No problem." He said with a shrug. "Ya know what they say, mia casa et su casa. Or something…"
She laughed. "Yessir."
"So…" Jack said, sticking his hands back in his pockets. "Feeling better?"
She nodded. "Yes, thank you."
"Anytime Carter, anytime…"
And he meant it. Really. It was always good to see her. Even if it was a little un-nerving to have her
crying on his shoulder.
She rubbed her arms. "Guess I should be getting back."
"You could stay." His mouth said, without informing him first.
"I mean…just for a bit. Got a good view of Mars set up through the 'scope."
'Jack, you're rambling. Shut the hell up.'
"Yeah?"
A hopeful spark appeared in her eyes and he was lost.
"Yeah, sit yourself down and take a look."
"Are you sure? I mean I've already interrupted your evening enough as it is – not to mention using
you as a sponge, soaking your shirt…"
"Carter," he said firmly. "It's *fine*. Really."
"Besides," he added lightly, "This is my special 'crying on shoulder' shirt. It's designed to be three
times more absorbent than any other material. You're lucky I was wearing it."
She laughed and looked down, shaking her head. Jack grinned, rocking on his heels.
"So, ya gonna stay?"
She looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
"Great!"
She gave him an odd look at his enthusiastic outburst.
'Jeez Jack, try not too sound too eager for her company will ya? She just broke up with someone for
cryin' out loud!'
He back-pedalled quickly.
"Uh, I mean, sit yourself down and take a look."
She nodded. "Okay."
She wandered over to the telescope and sat down. Adjusting the view slightly, she was silent for a
few moments.
"Oh wow." She murmured eventually.
Jack wandered over to stand beside her. She didn't even look up. He grinned at the expression of
awe on her face. It was soo much better than the abject misery that had been there a little while
earlier. And he'd helped put it there. Heh. Even if he did nothing else tonight, then at least he'd still
managed to do *something* right.
"Beautiful, isn'it?" He said.
"Oh yeah," she breathed.
Jack bent to pick up his beer bottle.
"You want one?"
"Hmm?" She said distractedly and looked up. He waved the bottle at her.
"Actually yeah, that'd be great right about now. Thanks."
"No problem."
He wandered over to the cooler to pull another bottle out.
"Oh, wait a sec, what is it?"
He turned back. "Guinness."
She pulled a face. "Ugh. In that case I think I'll pass. I don't know how you can drink that stuff."
Jack shrugged. "It's an acquired taste."
She snorted. "You can say that again!"
"It's an acquired taste."
She glared at him. "You're impossible! Anyone ever tell you that?"
He grinned. "Frequently. And with startling regularity."
"I wonder why…" She murmured softly.
Jack shrugged. "Ya got me. I've some Bud in the house if you want."
"Are you sure? I mean, that'd be great, if it's okay…."
"Hey," Jack said, waving his hand. "I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't. Stops me from drinking it all
anyway."
He patted his stomach. "Gotta watch the weight."
She grinned and shook her head. He grinned dopily back. The moment stretched and Jack realised
he was still grinning at her like an idiot. He shook his head, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He
coughed and pointed at the ladder.
"Right. Well. Um…I'll go getcha that beer. You," he waved his hand around. "Enjoy the view."
She nodded and watched him as he turned and walked over to the ladder. As he swung himself over
the edge and began to climb down, he was sure he heard her murmur: "Oh I am sir, don't you worry."
He froze for a second and the grin popped back on his face. He resumed climbing down the ladder.
~~~o0o~~~
Jack climbed back up on the roof to find her exactly where he'd left her, sat in his chair, peering
through the telescope. He noted it was now pointing to a different part of the sky. He coughed to get
her attention. There was no response. He coughed again. Still no response. He nodded his head.
Yep, she was in that 'concentrate on what's in front of me to the exclusion of everything else' state.
The stars could do that to him as well, though he was usually still vaguely aware of what was going on
around him. He guessed it was habit. Carter on the other hand…well, it was usually only the various
complicated looking doohickeys and thingamabobs in her lab that got this level of attention.
"Carter." He said, quietly but firmly.
Her head came flying up. He loved how tuned in to him she was - if they were in a room of people all
chatting away, he could say her name and she'd immediately know it was him. At first he'd ignored it,
saying to himself that it was just a sign of how well they worked together. Which it was, but now he
liked to think it was just *them*. That the fact that it happened, was what made them work so well
together, not a result of it.
He held out the bottle. He'd already knocked the top off. "Your beer, milady." He said, jokingly.
She inclined her head and took the held out bottle. "Why thank you, kind sir."
Tipping her head back, she took a long pull. Jack found his eyes drawn to the strong lines of her
throat as she swallowed. He was struck by a sudden desire to know how it would feel to kiss her, just
*there*. To know what her skin would feel like against his lips. Maybe start with a gentle kiss just at
the edge of her jaw, nip her ear and then run a line of kisses down to her collarbone….
He shook his head sharply.
'What the hell are you thinking Jack? Get a grip for crying out loud!'
She lowered the bottle and raised her head back. Jack wrenched his eyes away.
'Yes, let's try not to get caught ogling your 2IC *again* tonight, shall we Jack?' His conscience said
snidely.
She sighed and cast him a sideways glance. "God, I needed that."
She touched her thumb to the edge of her mouth, catching a droplet of beer and sucked it off the end
of her thumb. Jack swallowed, hard.
"Glad I could provide." He said. If his voice was slightly hoarse, well with those kind of actions what
the hell else did she expect?
Giving himself a mental shake he forced himself to turn away. He walked over to the cooler and
retrieved his own bottle. Raising it to his lips, he took a couple of gulps to calm his nerves. Ah, that
was better. Feeling more in control he wandered back over to her, clutching the bottle neck between
his fingers.
"So," he said, waving the bottle at her. "Wotcha looking at?"
She smiled. "Orion. It's my favourite."
Jack nodded and walked over to the side of the deck which butted up to the sloping roof of the house.
He sat down, leaning his back against it.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's the first constellation I learnt and always the first I always look for –
always know I'm home when I see it, ya know?"
"Yeah." She replied. After a moment, she tilted her head back to look up at the sky.
"I needed this." She said quietly.
She looked over at him. "It probably sounds silly to you, but looking at the stars like this…they always
make me feel better. When something bad happens, I like to just find somewhere quiet and look at
them. They give me…I dunno…a sense of peace, I guess."
"It's not silly." Jack said. "I like to come up here when I need to…think…about things."
He looked over at her. She raised an eyebrow.
"You *think* about things?" She teased.
He sniffed. "Believe it or not, it does happen sometimes, Carter."
She grinned. "Yes sir."
"It does." He insisted. "Up here – " He waved his arm around. "I can forget all the other crap that's
going on, ya know? I can just sit…and watch the stars."
He slid a sideways look at her, she was listening intently. He found himself wanting to tell her how
they really made him…feel. Which was scary. Kinda nice in an odd sort of way, but definitely scary.
"It's kinda a comfort. Looking up at 'em." He jerked his head skyward. "When I used to do my -
previous job - I could look up at the sky, no matter where I was and know the folks I – cared about –
could see the same thing. It's good to know that no matter what happens, they're always gonna be
there. They were here long before I was born and they'll be here long after I'm gone. That's…good to
know."
He looked back up at her for the first time since he'd started talking. She was sniffing and blinking
rapidly.
"That's beautiful." She choked.
Jack shrugged uncomfortably.
"I guess…"
"Of course," He said slyly, wanting to lighten the mood before it got too much, "It does all depend on
whether you go around blowing them up or not."
She laughed. Then to his surprise, she got up and walked over to join him. Sitting down next to him,
she leant her head back against the roof and looked up at the stars. She rocked her head from side to
side, still looking up.
"I still can't believe we *did* that!"
Jack chuckled. "Yeah. It's a heck of a reference isn'it? Blew up a sun…"
"It's hard to believe…some of the things we've done. Especially when you compare it to this – the, the
everyday, mundane stuff…"
Jack nodded. "Uh-huh. Like somethin' off the TV, huh?"
"Yeah…" She gave a sad smile and looked at her hands.
"Pete wanted me to go back to Denver with him."
"Oh?" Jack asked cautiously, looking at her out the corner of his eye.
She nodded. "Uh-huh."
Silence fell.
"So…" Jack said carefully. "I'm guessing from the fact that you're still here, you said no?"
"I thought about it." She said, looking up at him.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Spent most of the afternoon thinking about it."
She laid her head back against the sloping roof and turned it slightly to look at him.
"You know, I'm the same age now as my Mom was, when she had me?"
"No," he said honestly. "I didn't."
"Well I am and it just…it got me thinking. I can't help it. I…I can't help but wonder what I'm missing out
on. And with everything that's happened…Janet…"
Jack heard her voice break as she faltered to a stop.
He took over for her, giving her chance to regain her composure.
"You're wondering if you'll ever get the chance."
She took a shaky breath. "Yes."
Jack sighed. "Having a family is an incredible thing, Sam. And I can't see anyone standing in your
way if that's what you want. Being a husband or wife…or a Mom or Dad is something everyone
should get the chance to be."
"I know." She whispered. She looked down at her bottle again, avoiding eye contact. "Would you?"
He frowned not following. "Would I what?"
She looked up at him. "Give it all up. The Stargate, travelling to other planets, everything. For a
chance at a family again?"
"I – " He paused.
'God, how was he supposed to answer *that*?'
He raised his bottle and took a long drink out of it, stalling for time. He grimaced. It had gone flat.
Lowering the bottle again, he rubbed his chin with his hand.
"I don't know, Sam. I really don't. I…I had my chance and it was the best time of my life - don't get me
wrong - but now… now I just don't know. I mean…maybe…but it would only be for the right person."
'And you'd never ask.'
Jack paused, trying to find a way to word it. "What we do, it's…*beyond* incredible. I don't think I
could give it up if I tried. Sometimes ya forget exactly what it is we do, ya get jaded by it. But then
when you stop and think about it…it's…it's *mind-blowing* and I don't wanna lose it. Ever."
He took another gulp from his bottle.
'Christ, this was the most talking he'd done about…stuff in years, if ever…'
"I wanna keep doing what I do, 'til I can't do it anymore." He pointed a finger at her. "And I'll tell you
something else, when they do finally stop me, they're gonna have to drag me kicking and screaming
outta the 'Gate room!"
She chuckled. "I never knew it meant so much to you."
Jack looked down at his bottle and spun it slowly. "It's my main reason for getting outta bed in the
morning, Carter. SG-1, Danny, Teal'c…you. I could never walk away from it."
'Or you.' He added silently.
He heard her sharp intake of breath, but didn't dare look up.
"Do you think it's hopeless, sir?" She said after a while. "Trying to…have an outside relationship?"
Jack shook his head. "Not hopeless. Not if it's what you really want. It's just…difficult. Personally, it's
not something I'd ever do again."
"Really?"
"Really." He said firmly. "Relationships are based on trust, Carter. It's not easy when you can't talk
about things to the person you're sharing your life with…having to lie to them…if you're not careful
you just…stop talking altogether."
He sighed. "I'm tired of having to lie to people. I've been doing it most of my life. I don't wanna do it
anymore. No more than I have to, anyway. The only way I'm ever gonna have anything with anyone
whilst I'm at the SGC, is if it's with someone who already knows what we do. Simple as that."
'And that's never likely to happen. Not without a helluva lot of changes. But then she knew that. Or at
least she should.'
She was quiet for a moment. Then: "I'm sorry, sir."
Jack laid his head back.
"Yeah, me too, Carter." He said. "Me too."
~~~o0o~~~
Silence reigned once more. Then she turned her head slightly to look at him.
"Why do we always want what we can't have, sir?"
His head skipped a beat.
'Was she saying what…he *thought* she was saying?'
"I don't know, Carter." He said. "I really don't."
Silence once more.
"I mean," she began. "I love my job, I really do. I don't want to leave it. Or SG-1. I want to have my
own command someday. But…I want to have family too."
She gave a bitter laugh.
"Guess they're mutually exclusive goals."
"Yeah." Jack said quietly. "They shouldn't be, but they are, you just…have to decide which one means
more to you."
She looked at him.
"I'm still here aren't I?" She said simply, and with that Jack knew her decision.
He felt a pang go through him on her behalf. She was staying – at the cost of a personal life, which he
couldn't give her. She deserved so much better than this. Heck, they all did. Carter, Danny, Teal'c….
You shouldn't have to choose between the two. Yeah, life really did suck sometimes.
He reached out a hand and gently squeezed her shoulder. She swallowed deeply and he saw her jaw
clench as she struggled to keep it all in check.
Suddenly she laughed. To Jack's ears it sounded slightly hysterical.
"God!" She moaned. "I'm gonna end up being the lonely mad old cat lady down the road. I just *know*
it…"
Jack frowned thoughtfully.
'What was he supposed to say to that? Was he supposed to say something? Perhaps he should.
Perhaps he had to…give her something. Let her know he wasn't gonna let her give it all up for
nothing.'
"Hey," he said eventually, nudging her shoulder. "Tell ya what – if you're not married by the time
you're forty, *I'll* marry you. Whaddya say?"
He blinked, shocked at his own words. Okay, so he hadn't been sure exactly what he was gonna say,
but he was fairly sure it hadn't been that….
She looked at him startled as if not believing he'd said that – he knew exactly how she felt - then a
slow smile spread over her face.
"*You'll* marry me?" She asked.
He shrugged, still trying to get his head round what he'd just said.
"Sure, why not?"
The smile faded as she gave him a Look.
'Uh-oh, obviously not the right answer, Jack. Distract her with something else…'
He waggled his eyebrows. "Gives you the impetus to go out there and find someone else then,
doesn't it?"
'Otherwise you'll end up with me,' remained unspoken.
She looked down at where her hands clasped the beer bottle. After a few moments, she looked back
up.
"Or not." She said quietly.
Jack swallowed, resisting the urge to yell in triumph and dance around at her words. He felt very
proud of the achievement.
"Or not." He agreed.
They stayed there, looking at the stars.
"Of course," he said after a minute. "You never know, Pete might pull his head outta his ass and come
back."
Though he really hoped not. Not that he wasn't insecure. No really, he wasn't.
Sam lowered her head to his shoulder.
"Pete who?" She asked softly.
Jack couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.
"Stopping grinning." She said.
His grin just grew wider.
'Heh. Pete who?'
~~~End~~~
Author: Chezza
E-mail: cyberchezza@tiscali.co.uk
Status: Complete
Sequel/Series: None
Summary: They're just good friends. Really.
Season: Seven
Spoilers: Season Seven's Chimera. So if you don't wanna know, then don't read it. Simple as that.
Category: Fluff/Minor angst
Characters: Jack O'Neill. Sam Carter.
Pairing: S/J, Sam/Other.
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Language
File Size: ?
Archive: Jackfic, Carterfic, Helio, Fanfiction.net, Gateworld, SJD, my site….. If anyone else wants it,
just lemme know where you're taking it, so I can come visit.
Disclaimer: Ain't mine! Surprise…. Stargate and it's characters etc, belong to all those folks who
actually make *money* out of them. Any original stuff you may find in there is mine. Tho' sadly, it's
unlikely to ever bring me any cash….
Authors Notes:
As always, thanks go to dragonlady for the beta. Flames will be used to light Teal'c's candles not
like *that*! Get your mind outta the gutter, f'cryin' out loud!. but constructive feedback (and criticism)
is always gratefully received. Enjoy!
© Chezza 2003
~~~o0o~~~
Jack took a long pull from his bottle of Guinness and sighed in contentment.
'What could possibly be better than this?' He thought.
He had a good beer – *stout* he corrected himself, Grandpa would turn in his grave to hear him
calling it beer. A good view; a good meal; – which he'd just finished - and a good long evening;
(during which he wasn't required to do *anything* else) to enjoy it all in.
'Yup', Jack thought, 'what could possibly be better than this?'
'Good company to enjoy it all with you?' The little voice at the back of his head asked, insisting on
playing devil's advocate as always.
Jack gave a mental shrug. Yeah well, it couldn't be helped. Best laid plans and all that…. Besides, he
had the entire night sky for company and when you considered how many planets out there had life
on them, well…how much more company did he want, really?
He set his bottle down and leant forward to peer through his telescope once more, adjusting it slightly
to get a better view. The red planet swam into focus. Ah, that was better. Mars had been as close to
Earth as it was going to come for a *very* long time, a few months ago. He'd got some wonderful
pictures. It was moving away again now, but it was still an awesome sight. You could just about make
out some of the larger lines and marks on it's surface.
Jack often wondered if they really were the signs of an ancient civilisation. Heh, imagine the look on
the NASA guys' faces, if it turned out there was a stargate on Mars and they got there first! They'd be
gutted. All those years of hard work to launch a mission for nothing…. Hmm, he'd have to ask Carter
about the possibility of that.
He'd wanted to join NASA when he was younger. Hey, who didn't? It was *space* travel! The stars
had always fascinated him. Ever since Grandpa O'Neill had taught him the constellations one summer
holiday spent up at his cabin. Jack smiled at the cherished memory of a young boy, seeing the night
sky properly for the first time. Unlike Chicago, light pollution was non-existent up at Grandpa's cabin.
Ever since that day, they'd inspired him. In his early Air Force days, he'd flown everything he could
get his hands on, in the hope of being chosen for the astronaut programme. But he'd been chosen for
special forces work, due to his 'other abilities' instead and had given up on his dream, figuring it to be
just another missed opportunity. Now here he was visiting other planets, travelling further across the
galaxy than anyone in NASA was ever likely to go. Funny how things turned out.
Jack allowed himself a brief moment of indulgence at the thought. He travelled to other planets. His
job was fighting an intergalactic war and representing Earth to all the folk they met out there. How
cool was that?! Sure, it was a big – *huge* – responsibility, but that didn't make it any less cool.
Sometimes when he read about all the crap that was going on in the world, it made him want to yell it
from the rooftops. Don't you know what's out there? We've got bigger things to be worrying about
than *this* for crying out loud! But he didn't. Even if he could, he didn't know if he would. Folks just
weren't ready to deal with the concept just yet. They'd probably just stick him in a strait jacket and cart
him off to the loony farm.
Daniel had asked him once how he did it. How he dealt with knowing all this and never being able to
tell anyone what he did. Jack had just shrugged. He didn't know. He guessed he was just used to it.
He'd been doing it for years in 'spec ops' before even joining the SGC. It became second nature after
a while. The words 'classified' and 'need to know' were your friends. Besides, Jack mused, why would
he *want* to tell anyone? *He* knew what he did. Jack O'Neill, Chicago city boy – once voted 'least
likely to succeed in life' – knew. That was enough for him.
Jack reached down for his bottle again, trying to shake the melancholy mood that had settled over
him.
Suddenly he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. He knew the feeling well enough by now – it
had saved his life on more than one occasion. He wasn't alone up here any longer. He cocked his
head slightly to one side. First thing when you thought you were being observed – don't let on that
you know.
He listened hard. Someone was climbing the ladder to his rooftop. The sounds stopped for a second
and he heard a muffled curse. He frowned. He knew that voice anywhere. The sound of shoes on the
metal ladder resumed and he turned around to face the point where the ladder reached the roof, just
as the head of the voice's owner popped into view, over the edge of it .
~~~o0o~~~
"Hey Carter." He said.
She yelped and then cursed, as his words made her jump and nearly lose her grip on the ladder.
"Sir!" She replied, obviously thrown by his presence. "What are you doing here?!"
Jack frowned. 'What was *he* doing here?'
He stood and went over to give her a hand up on to the roof.
"I *live* here, Carter. This is my house."
"I know *that*, sir." She said, still sounding a little flustered, as she accepted his helping hand and
climbed up on to the rooftop. "But…I thought you were going to be out tonight?"
"I was." He said absently, as he took a look over the edge of the roof. There was her car parked
outside. Huh, that showed how preoccupied he'd been, he hadn't even heard her pull up. Good job
she was a friendly. He frowned. She was definitely here on her own. Hmm. He turned back to her.
"My hot date cancelled." He quipped.
She snorted. She knew as well as he did that he'd been meeting some old friends. He stuck his hands
in his pockets.
"They got called away. Something came up."
They hadn't been at liberty to say what that something had been . He wasn't the only one who's work
was classified 'Top Secret'.
She raised an eyebrow. "They didn't say what?"
He shrugged. "Gotta love that 'Classified Information' gig."
To be honest, they hadn't offered any more details and he hadn't asked. He'd been there – still was in
some respects - so he knew better. He'd see them again, if and when he saw them again. No point
fretting over it. It wasn't like that would change anything.
"Yeah," she said quietly, hugging herself.
Jack narrowed his eyes. Something was definitely up. Wasn't she supposed to out with Pete tonight?
Hmm, ten bucks said the 'something', was to do with him. Why else would she be climbing the steps
to his roof – alone - on a night when she knew he wasn't going to be there?
"So," Jack said, clearing his throat and breaking the awkward silence that had just fallen.
"What brings you by?"
He pulled his hands out of his pockets and wandered back over to his chair, flopping back down into it
and sticking his legs out.
"I mean, I thought you and Pete – ", he waved his hand for emphasis, " - were going out to celebrate
his…return to health. So to speak?"
The guy had been released from the Academy Hospital last week sometime. Jack was glad he was
okay. Really he was. Alright, so as far as he was concerned the guy had got no more than he
deserved, for sticking his nose where it wasn't allowed in the first place. But still…he was glad. For
Carter's sake if nothing else.
Carter gave a short laugh and turned away.
"We had a talk this afternoon."
Jack gave a brief note of the head. Yup. His ten bucks were safe.…
"He gave me the 'can we still be friends' speech."
…oh. Jack winced.
"Ouch." He murmured. That was never a good one to receive. He knew, having been on the end of it
himself from Sarah.
"Yeah."
"He say why?"
She gave another laugh. It was bitter.
"Apparently he needs to…sort some things out. He needs time to think, get his head round what
happened. Or so he says. He's – and this is the best bit – 'not sure if he can handle a relationship
right now'. Not with 'where his life is at the moment.' His own words."
Jack frowned. "Sounds to me like he needs to get his priorities straight. Someone should give the guy
a quick slap upside the head."
She chuckled, but there was no humour in it. "I really don't think it would help. He says he can't deal
with a complicated relationship right now. And apparently a relationship with me is…complicated. But
we could still be friends, right?"
"Hope you told him where to shove it."
Sam shook her head. "And sound bitter and twisted about it? Please. I have *some* pride left, you
know."
Jack chuckled. "Yeah," he said fondly. It was one of the things that made her who she was. Strength
of character. Or something.
Silence fell.
Jack cleared his throat. "So…what happens now?"
She shrugged. "Now…I guess he goes back to Denver and finds himself a nice 'uncomplicated' girl
who's life doesn't include violence, unexplainable absences and classified occurrences. One that he
can settle down with and have 2.4 children."
"Picket fences?"
She laughed shortly. "Probably."
Jack shook his head. "See I don't get that. He's a *detective*. He should be used to that kinda stuff.
Okay, mebbe not quite *that* kinda stuff, but still, busting drug runners 'n' stuff ain't exactly a walk in
the park."
"That's the point. Apparently he has enough of it in his work. He doesn't want it in his personal life as
well."
Jack felt a stir of anger at the words. Jeez, talk about selfish! Relationships were about give and take.
*He* oughta know for cryin out loud! It was where he'd gone wrong.
"So what? He wants the perfect family to run home to at the end of the day? One that he can use to
help him forget about all the shit he's had to deal with that day? It doesn't work."
She turned back to look at him, surprised at his outburst.
"What?"
"It doesn't work." He repeated, staring at her, making sure she got the message. "You can't just…use
another person like that. It's not fair on them and sooner or later they're gonna say something – or
something's gonna happen - and it's all gonna come crashing down around your ears. Which makes it
doubly harder to deal with, because then you've suddenly lost your little comfort zone where you
thought nothing bad would ever happen. He's an idiot if he thinks otherwise."
She nodded slowly. "Well, he's not my idiot anymore, so I don't suppose it really matters."
Jack sighed. Here she was trying to deal with this and he was mouthing off.
"Sorry Carter." He said. "I just think he's making a huge mistake that's all."
She gave him an odd look.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Carter…"
"I just…I don't know…I just didn't think you'd be this…*angry* about it, I guess."
Jack frowned. "Why wouldn't I be?"
She looked uncomfortable and wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Carter…he was good for you. He made ya smile. Got you outta that lab of yours. That alone earned
him points in my book."
Even if he did hate his guts because it was Pete and not him. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it coming.
She'd been bound to find someone sooner or later. The odd thing was that it hadn't bothered him as
much as he thought it would. Not really. He hadn't felt the urge to go out there and smash the guy's
face in. Although he was rapidly changing his mind on that….
"And now he's throwing it all in cos he can't cope with a bit of violence. Why? Because it ruins the
image of his perfect dream? Yeah, I'm angry. I'm pissed on your behalf. You deserve better than
that."
She looked at him for a moment, then gave a sound half way between a laugh and a sob and turned
away, her shoulders shaking.
Jack sat stunned, looking at her. Aw, hell. He hadn't meant to do that…now what was he supposed to
do?
~~~o0o~~~
He stood and went over to her.
"Hey," he said softly, placing his hand on her shoulder.
She turned round and buried her face in his shoulder, her hands clutching at his shirt. Okay, so this
was…different.
He patted her back awkwardly. "Um, yeah. That's right, Carter…let it out."
She cried harder, her tears starting to soak through his shirt. Jack grimaced. Ugh, he hated this kinda
thing…he was hopeless at it. Why hadn't she gone to Daniel? He was so much better at this stuff….
This was all Pete's fault, he thought with another surge of frustration. It wasn't supposed to be like
this. Pete was a nice guy. He was supposed to make her happy. Give her someone young and vibrant
– someone like her – to relate to, someone to give her a life outside of her work.
God knew she needed one and it wasn't like he could provide it. She was supposed to be out there
having a good time. Having dinner, laughing, dancing with the man she thought she'd lost. Not stood
in the dark on a rooftop, crying on her CO's shoulder. It wasn't *right*. But then neither was Cassie
losing a mother for the second time in her life.
He sighed. Life just sucked sometimes. Badly.
She'd stopped crying now, the occasional sob still escaping, as she calmed down. He wrapped his
arms round her and gave her a gentle hug. It was an indulgence, but she didn't seem to mind. He felt
her arms let go of his shirt and he loosened his grip thinking she was going to pull away like she
always did whenever he tried to hold her for more than a second. Then he felt her arms slide round
his back. She kept her face buried in his shoulder. Encouraged, he slid one hand up to rest on the
back of her head. She sighed softly.
"Want me to kick his ass for ya?"
She gave a half-laugh. "Thanks for the offer sir, but I really don't think it would help."
'That was better. It was almost a proper laugh. Keep going Jack.'
"Yeah, probably not. Striking a police officer and all that…"
"Hey," He continued. "I could get Teal'c to do it. I don't think you can arrest an alien. Diplomatic
immunity or something."
She chuckled. "Are you trying to cheer me up?"
'Uh-oh, she'd figured it out. Oh well…'
"That depends – is it working?"
"Yes." She whispered.
"Well then…yeah, I guess I am."
She pulled back and he reluctantly dropped his arms. She wiped at her eyes with her hands and
sniffed. Jack dug a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her. She looked at him. He rolled
his eyes.
"It's clean."
"Thanks." She murmured and blew her nose.
"Um…" She said, unsure what to do with said hankie now she'd finished with it.
"Hang on to it." Jack said.
She nodded and tucked it into her jeans pocket.
"Sorry, sir." She said with a wan smile. "I knew this would happen if I ran into anyone tonight. It's one
of the reasons I came here. I knew you were going to be out and I needed somewhere to go.
Somewhere quiet, that didn't remind me of Pete."
Jack felt a sense of satisfaction that out of all the places she could have gone, she'd chosen his
place.
'That had to mean something, didn't it?'
"No problem." He said with a shrug. "Ya know what they say, mia casa et su casa. Or something…"
She laughed. "Yessir."
"So…" Jack said, sticking his hands back in his pockets. "Feeling better?"
She nodded. "Yes, thank you."
"Anytime Carter, anytime…"
And he meant it. Really. It was always good to see her. Even if it was a little un-nerving to have her
crying on his shoulder.
She rubbed her arms. "Guess I should be getting back."
"You could stay." His mouth said, without informing him first.
"I mean…just for a bit. Got a good view of Mars set up through the 'scope."
'Jack, you're rambling. Shut the hell up.'
"Yeah?"
A hopeful spark appeared in her eyes and he was lost.
"Yeah, sit yourself down and take a look."
"Are you sure? I mean I've already interrupted your evening enough as it is – not to mention using
you as a sponge, soaking your shirt…"
"Carter," he said firmly. "It's *fine*. Really."
"Besides," he added lightly, "This is my special 'crying on shoulder' shirt. It's designed to be three
times more absorbent than any other material. You're lucky I was wearing it."
She laughed and looked down, shaking her head. Jack grinned, rocking on his heels.
"So, ya gonna stay?"
She looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
"Great!"
She gave him an odd look at his enthusiastic outburst.
'Jeez Jack, try not too sound too eager for her company will ya? She just broke up with someone for
cryin' out loud!'
He back-pedalled quickly.
"Uh, I mean, sit yourself down and take a look."
She nodded. "Okay."
She wandered over to the telescope and sat down. Adjusting the view slightly, she was silent for a
few moments.
"Oh wow." She murmured eventually.
Jack wandered over to stand beside her. She didn't even look up. He grinned at the expression of
awe on her face. It was soo much better than the abject misery that had been there a little while
earlier. And he'd helped put it there. Heh. Even if he did nothing else tonight, then at least he'd still
managed to do *something* right.
"Beautiful, isn'it?" He said.
"Oh yeah," she breathed.
Jack bent to pick up his beer bottle.
"You want one?"
"Hmm?" She said distractedly and looked up. He waved the bottle at her.
"Actually yeah, that'd be great right about now. Thanks."
"No problem."
He wandered over to the cooler to pull another bottle out.
"Oh, wait a sec, what is it?"
He turned back. "Guinness."
She pulled a face. "Ugh. In that case I think I'll pass. I don't know how you can drink that stuff."
Jack shrugged. "It's an acquired taste."
She snorted. "You can say that again!"
"It's an acquired taste."
She glared at him. "You're impossible! Anyone ever tell you that?"
He grinned. "Frequently. And with startling regularity."
"I wonder why…" She murmured softly.
Jack shrugged. "Ya got me. I've some Bud in the house if you want."
"Are you sure? I mean, that'd be great, if it's okay…."
"Hey," Jack said, waving his hand. "I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't. Stops me from drinking it all
anyway."
He patted his stomach. "Gotta watch the weight."
She grinned and shook her head. He grinned dopily back. The moment stretched and Jack realised
he was still grinning at her like an idiot. He shook his head, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He
coughed and pointed at the ladder.
"Right. Well. Um…I'll go getcha that beer. You," he waved his hand around. "Enjoy the view."
She nodded and watched him as he turned and walked over to the ladder. As he swung himself over
the edge and began to climb down, he was sure he heard her murmur: "Oh I am sir, don't you worry."
He froze for a second and the grin popped back on his face. He resumed climbing down the ladder.
~~~o0o~~~
Jack climbed back up on the roof to find her exactly where he'd left her, sat in his chair, peering
through the telescope. He noted it was now pointing to a different part of the sky. He coughed to get
her attention. There was no response. He coughed again. Still no response. He nodded his head.
Yep, she was in that 'concentrate on what's in front of me to the exclusion of everything else' state.
The stars could do that to him as well, though he was usually still vaguely aware of what was going on
around him. He guessed it was habit. Carter on the other hand…well, it was usually only the various
complicated looking doohickeys and thingamabobs in her lab that got this level of attention.
"Carter." He said, quietly but firmly.
Her head came flying up. He loved how tuned in to him she was - if they were in a room of people all
chatting away, he could say her name and she'd immediately know it was him. At first he'd ignored it,
saying to himself that it was just a sign of how well they worked together. Which it was, but now he
liked to think it was just *them*. That the fact that it happened, was what made them work so well
together, not a result of it.
He held out the bottle. He'd already knocked the top off. "Your beer, milady." He said, jokingly.
She inclined her head and took the held out bottle. "Why thank you, kind sir."
Tipping her head back, she took a long pull. Jack found his eyes drawn to the strong lines of her
throat as she swallowed. He was struck by a sudden desire to know how it would feel to kiss her, just
*there*. To know what her skin would feel like against his lips. Maybe start with a gentle kiss just at
the edge of her jaw, nip her ear and then run a line of kisses down to her collarbone….
He shook his head sharply.
'What the hell are you thinking Jack? Get a grip for crying out loud!'
She lowered the bottle and raised her head back. Jack wrenched his eyes away.
'Yes, let's try not to get caught ogling your 2IC *again* tonight, shall we Jack?' His conscience said
snidely.
She sighed and cast him a sideways glance. "God, I needed that."
She touched her thumb to the edge of her mouth, catching a droplet of beer and sucked it off the end
of her thumb. Jack swallowed, hard.
"Glad I could provide." He said. If his voice was slightly hoarse, well with those kind of actions what
the hell else did she expect?
Giving himself a mental shake he forced himself to turn away. He walked over to the cooler and
retrieved his own bottle. Raising it to his lips, he took a couple of gulps to calm his nerves. Ah, that
was better. Feeling more in control he wandered back over to her, clutching the bottle neck between
his fingers.
"So," he said, waving the bottle at her. "Wotcha looking at?"
She smiled. "Orion. It's my favourite."
Jack nodded and walked over to the side of the deck which butted up to the sloping roof of the house.
He sat down, leaning his back against it.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's the first constellation I learnt and always the first I always look for –
always know I'm home when I see it, ya know?"
"Yeah." She replied. After a moment, she tilted her head back to look up at the sky.
"I needed this." She said quietly.
She looked over at him. "It probably sounds silly to you, but looking at the stars like this…they always
make me feel better. When something bad happens, I like to just find somewhere quiet and look at
them. They give me…I dunno…a sense of peace, I guess."
"It's not silly." Jack said. "I like to come up here when I need to…think…about things."
He looked over at her. She raised an eyebrow.
"You *think* about things?" She teased.
He sniffed. "Believe it or not, it does happen sometimes, Carter."
She grinned. "Yes sir."
"It does." He insisted. "Up here – " He waved his arm around. "I can forget all the other crap that's
going on, ya know? I can just sit…and watch the stars."
He slid a sideways look at her, she was listening intently. He found himself wanting to tell her how
they really made him…feel. Which was scary. Kinda nice in an odd sort of way, but definitely scary.
"It's kinda a comfort. Looking up at 'em." He jerked his head skyward. "When I used to do my -
previous job - I could look up at the sky, no matter where I was and know the folks I – cared about –
could see the same thing. It's good to know that no matter what happens, they're always gonna be
there. They were here long before I was born and they'll be here long after I'm gone. That's…good to
know."
He looked back up at her for the first time since he'd started talking. She was sniffing and blinking
rapidly.
"That's beautiful." She choked.
Jack shrugged uncomfortably.
"I guess…"
"Of course," He said slyly, wanting to lighten the mood before it got too much, "It does all depend on
whether you go around blowing them up or not."
She laughed. Then to his surprise, she got up and walked over to join him. Sitting down next to him,
she leant her head back against the roof and looked up at the stars. She rocked her head from side to
side, still looking up.
"I still can't believe we *did* that!"
Jack chuckled. "Yeah. It's a heck of a reference isn'it? Blew up a sun…"
"It's hard to believe…some of the things we've done. Especially when you compare it to this – the, the
everyday, mundane stuff…"
Jack nodded. "Uh-huh. Like somethin' off the TV, huh?"
"Yeah…" She gave a sad smile and looked at her hands.
"Pete wanted me to go back to Denver with him."
"Oh?" Jack asked cautiously, looking at her out the corner of his eye.
She nodded. "Uh-huh."
Silence fell.
"So…" Jack said carefully. "I'm guessing from the fact that you're still here, you said no?"
"I thought about it." She said, looking up at him.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Spent most of the afternoon thinking about it."
She laid her head back against the sloping roof and turned it slightly to look at him.
"You know, I'm the same age now as my Mom was, when she had me?"
"No," he said honestly. "I didn't."
"Well I am and it just…it got me thinking. I can't help it. I…I can't help but wonder what I'm missing out
on. And with everything that's happened…Janet…"
Jack heard her voice break as she faltered to a stop.
He took over for her, giving her chance to regain her composure.
"You're wondering if you'll ever get the chance."
She took a shaky breath. "Yes."
Jack sighed. "Having a family is an incredible thing, Sam. And I can't see anyone standing in your
way if that's what you want. Being a husband or wife…or a Mom or Dad is something everyone
should get the chance to be."
"I know." She whispered. She looked down at her bottle again, avoiding eye contact. "Would you?"
He frowned not following. "Would I what?"
She looked up at him. "Give it all up. The Stargate, travelling to other planets, everything. For a
chance at a family again?"
"I – " He paused.
'God, how was he supposed to answer *that*?'
He raised his bottle and took a long drink out of it, stalling for time. He grimaced. It had gone flat.
Lowering the bottle again, he rubbed his chin with his hand.
"I don't know, Sam. I really don't. I…I had my chance and it was the best time of my life - don't get me
wrong - but now… now I just don't know. I mean…maybe…but it would only be for the right person."
'And you'd never ask.'
Jack paused, trying to find a way to word it. "What we do, it's…*beyond* incredible. I don't think I
could give it up if I tried. Sometimes ya forget exactly what it is we do, ya get jaded by it. But then
when you stop and think about it…it's…it's *mind-blowing* and I don't wanna lose it. Ever."
He took another gulp from his bottle.
'Christ, this was the most talking he'd done about…stuff in years, if ever…'
"I wanna keep doing what I do, 'til I can't do it anymore." He pointed a finger at her. "And I'll tell you
something else, when they do finally stop me, they're gonna have to drag me kicking and screaming
outta the 'Gate room!"
She chuckled. "I never knew it meant so much to you."
Jack looked down at his bottle and spun it slowly. "It's my main reason for getting outta bed in the
morning, Carter. SG-1, Danny, Teal'c…you. I could never walk away from it."
'Or you.' He added silently.
He heard her sharp intake of breath, but didn't dare look up.
"Do you think it's hopeless, sir?" She said after a while. "Trying to…have an outside relationship?"
Jack shook his head. "Not hopeless. Not if it's what you really want. It's just…difficult. Personally, it's
not something I'd ever do again."
"Really?"
"Really." He said firmly. "Relationships are based on trust, Carter. It's not easy when you can't talk
about things to the person you're sharing your life with…having to lie to them…if you're not careful
you just…stop talking altogether."
He sighed. "I'm tired of having to lie to people. I've been doing it most of my life. I don't wanna do it
anymore. No more than I have to, anyway. The only way I'm ever gonna have anything with anyone
whilst I'm at the SGC, is if it's with someone who already knows what we do. Simple as that."
'And that's never likely to happen. Not without a helluva lot of changes. But then she knew that. Or at
least she should.'
She was quiet for a moment. Then: "I'm sorry, sir."
Jack laid his head back.
"Yeah, me too, Carter." He said. "Me too."
~~~o0o~~~
Silence reigned once more. Then she turned her head slightly to look at him.
"Why do we always want what we can't have, sir?"
His head skipped a beat.
'Was she saying what…he *thought* she was saying?'
"I don't know, Carter." He said. "I really don't."
Silence once more.
"I mean," she began. "I love my job, I really do. I don't want to leave it. Or SG-1. I want to have my
own command someday. But…I want to have family too."
She gave a bitter laugh.
"Guess they're mutually exclusive goals."
"Yeah." Jack said quietly. "They shouldn't be, but they are, you just…have to decide which one means
more to you."
She looked at him.
"I'm still here aren't I?" She said simply, and with that Jack knew her decision.
He felt a pang go through him on her behalf. She was staying – at the cost of a personal life, which he
couldn't give her. She deserved so much better than this. Heck, they all did. Carter, Danny, Teal'c….
You shouldn't have to choose between the two. Yeah, life really did suck sometimes.
He reached out a hand and gently squeezed her shoulder. She swallowed deeply and he saw her jaw
clench as she struggled to keep it all in check.
Suddenly she laughed. To Jack's ears it sounded slightly hysterical.
"God!" She moaned. "I'm gonna end up being the lonely mad old cat lady down the road. I just *know*
it…"
Jack frowned thoughtfully.
'What was he supposed to say to that? Was he supposed to say something? Perhaps he should.
Perhaps he had to…give her something. Let her know he wasn't gonna let her give it all up for
nothing.'
"Hey," he said eventually, nudging her shoulder. "Tell ya what – if you're not married by the time
you're forty, *I'll* marry you. Whaddya say?"
He blinked, shocked at his own words. Okay, so he hadn't been sure exactly what he was gonna say,
but he was fairly sure it hadn't been that….
She looked at him startled as if not believing he'd said that – he knew exactly how she felt - then a
slow smile spread over her face.
"*You'll* marry me?" She asked.
He shrugged, still trying to get his head round what he'd just said.
"Sure, why not?"
The smile faded as she gave him a Look.
'Uh-oh, obviously not the right answer, Jack. Distract her with something else…'
He waggled his eyebrows. "Gives you the impetus to go out there and find someone else then,
doesn't it?"
'Otherwise you'll end up with me,' remained unspoken.
She looked down at where her hands clasped the beer bottle. After a few moments, she looked back
up.
"Or not." She said quietly.
Jack swallowed, resisting the urge to yell in triumph and dance around at her words. He felt very
proud of the achievement.
"Or not." He agreed.
They stayed there, looking at the stars.
"Of course," he said after a minute. "You never know, Pete might pull his head outta his ass and come
back."
Though he really hoped not. Not that he wasn't insecure. No really, he wasn't.
Sam lowered her head to his shoulder.
"Pete who?" She asked softly.
Jack couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.
"Stopping grinning." She said.
His grin just grew wider.
'Heh. Pete who?'
~~~End~~~