Crimson Tears
Kaehimi
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!
"The Letter"
~The next day was just as bad. As was the next, and the next. The only people I talked to were the Spirit and my Savior, which was what I named him. They were the two pillars keeping me standing up, and without them, I surely would have tumbled much earlier. As it was, even they did not manage to prop me upright forever. No, I wish they could have, but the rocks being hurtled at my structure overwhelmed them.
It was a Friday, normally the best day of the week for a student. But no, not me. Not in the least, hence every day was a nightmare come true. For some strange reason, everyone automatically hated me. Well, I never did anything to them, but what did they care? I was their scapegoat; the one blamed for everything they wanted to. Trust me, I was a very good one.
People say, "Don't fight back". They promise that in return "Bullies will leave you alone if you ignore them". I never understood that, would ignoring one seeking attention only further infuriate them? I suppose it works for everyone else. Except me of course. Because I don't deserve to be left alone. I am the one who is behind everything that goes wrong. Somehow...somehow I know I am.
So I let them hurt me. Why not? I suppose one can adjust to anything. Looking back on it now, I simply cannot understand my choices. Perhaps it was a difference in a state of mind...
I still remember clearly, it was a Friday. I was exhausted from writing thanks to the fact that now I was in the thousands. 'I will try harder, work more, and be better', was my current assignment. I was to write it 3,000 times for homework. Of course, if I had not done it, things would have only gotten worse. Perchance I did not have the will to go on, or maybe I was just too exhausted? Anyhow, the reason didn't matter, for I did not manage to finish it. That was the cause. The effect? Quite predictable, actually: another thousand.
What an absolutely splendid wonderful mixture. Everyone hates me, no one cares whether I exist, I will never live up to anyone's standards, and I don't know if I even want to go on anymore. That sounded strangely like something the Spirit would have said. 'He must be rubbing off on me,' I thought, intrigued by the idea. But I shrugged it off; I was on the fence between giving up and striving to retrieve what had been taken from me.
Little did I know that what would happen next would not only push me off and over the fence - but it would shove me with such force even now, I doubt I can ever return.
I had fallen asleep in class, much to everyone's amazement. I was quite shocked myself, normally managing to stay awake. Nevertheless, it was not surprising that my classmates took advantage of my closed eyes. Why was I not surprised when I was awoken by screams of fury? I had probably expected it to happen eventually...
I had been having a pleasant dream of a field, where no one was bothering me. I was all alone to do whatever I wished, and it was a very nice sensation. No one taunted me, teased me, or hurt me. The perfect hiding spot. My mind was a safe haven, and I longed to live in it and shut the world off. But alas, it was not so. I awoke to a stern face screeching in mine, speaking of the nerve I had to fall asleep, how I had gone too far this time.
I really couldn't have cared less until something made my ears perk up. "I swear, this is the last straw. How dare you write this?!" My eyes opened slowly, sagging with sleep. What was going on again? A few blinks helped clear my blurry vision, and everything sharpened, returning to their rightful places. The teacher seemed to have some sort of notebook in her hands, and was reading from it.
"Wow, this class sucks. This teacher sucks. She can't teach at all. She's horrible. I hate her. She is stupid. Wow. It is unbelievable how stupid she is. I can't believe it. She is dumb and stupid." I wondered where had that come from as the teacher paused, and shot me a glare that would have shriveled even the brightest flowers. "This is unacceptable! You will write me an apology letter at once, and then I shall escort you down to the principal's office!"
Ahh, so my classmates had set me up, had they? It must have been Jerald's idea, for his smirk was the widest. An air of accomplishment along with a certain cruel proudness surrounded him. He was also the only one unintelligent enough to use his own notebook for it. No doubt there were his notes in other pages...
My hopes rose slightly, and I received a quick mental nip from the Spirit. {I thought I told you to always expect the worse!} I ignored him, and a sliver of cheerfulness weaseled its way into my heart. The notebook was Jerald; so it couldn't have been me! Evidently, the teacher saw, for the next words out of her mouth addressed them. "Tricky boy, trying to frame Jerald? You naughty little child." With those words, I had to bite back a sigh.
{Why do you persist in trying to please these mortals?} Came the growl that was, without a doubt, the Spirit. {They are unworthy of even a low one as yourself, they will do nothing but waste your time!} I ignored him slightly, and focused on my letter. 'Now, what was I going to say?'
{Do not apologize, you baka!} The Spirit was furious. Had I not been so tired I would have been trembling, but as it was, I was too exhausted. {You should kill every single one of them!} He went on as I swallowed a yawn and opened my notebook. Taking out a pen, I began to write.
'I am sorry for falling asleep in class, it will not happen again.' There, that was a good beginning.
'If you would shut up we would actually learn more, you are slowly killing us,' The next sentence woke me up. I did not mean to write that! What was this? Why was I writing things I did not want to? I tried to stop my hand, but it continued, 'You bitch, why don't you die? When you do, I shall be glad to raid your tomb. You aren't worthy of living and I should banish you to the shadow realm!' I watched in horror, unable to do anything to stop my hand.
{You need to sound more like that,} The sentence echoed in my head and I realized what was happening. The spirit was possessing me!
{No, please no,} I pleaded in vain as he continued to write through my body. Evidentially, the Spirit did not like the teacher either and I did not blame him. However, if I were caught, I would be the one who would suffer the consequences, not him.
'I'm sorry for failing every test you give but they are too dull for my intelligence. Who needs it? I can kill steal and break into any lock, so who gives a damn about what you are teaching? You are not teaching anything that will help in real life - so why the fuck should I listen?!' The swears were getting worse now, and they would most likely get me expelled. I was not even aware he knew curses.
'I should probably run over your heart one day, with one of these modern inventions...it does not matter what they are called,' The hand paused, and I took the advantage to try to cross off the lines. Any trace of sleepiness had long vanished again the spirit overpowered me the letter continued, 'At least nothing important would be damaged.'
{Heart?} I asked, confused. I could not stop him, so I joined him instead. {What does that mean?}
If I could have seen him I got the feeling he would have been shooting me a look that said, 'You do not know anything, do you?!'. Actually, I was not far off, considering the feelings that came through our link from him. {Foolish mortal, the heart is the organ which is responsible for thoughts, did your ancestors tell you anything?!}
I blinked, confused. Then I understood. In ancient Egypt, it was believed the heart did the thinking. I crossed out heart and wrote brain instead. The spirit was outraged, {You foolish mortal-}, He began, but I didn't give him the chance to finish.
Strangely, I got the courage to say, {Modern day scientists have proven it is an organ known as the brain which does the thinking.}
{Silence! Are you saying I do not know what I am doing?} I shook my head furiously, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. I hoped he wasn't planning to hurt me... I watched as the hand he controlled paused, and ink from my pen dripped out slowly. There was a blob of ink where the tip was, for it had not stopped flowing. The ink was so graceful, so smooth. Had it been red instead of the deep blue it was, it would have most likely resembled blood...
My other hand moved to caress the pen, as if it were a wound. My fingers brushed it, slowly, each at a time. I was the blade, the pen was the wound, and the ink was the blood. 'Stroke, stroke', went my hand. 'Twitch, twitch', went the pen. 'Drip, drip', went the ink. It was a wonderful feeling, and I knew from the adrenaline coursing through my veins that I could not stay away from the knife much longer.
I was dozing off again when another sudden sound jerked me back to the real world. Someone was shrieking beside me in a very annoying voice. I tried to clear my head by rubbing my eyes, and it worked enough for me to see. I looked to where the howls of anger had been coming from, which was to my right. A face purple with rage glowered down at me and my eyes immediately shot to my desk, where my notebook had been. It was gone, and only a pool of ink met my gaze. Gulping as realization hit me, I tentatively, slowly, looked up.
My notebook, with the spirit's message written clearly on the front page, was clutched in my teacher's hands.~
Kaehimi: Well, you're lucky I had a horrible night...I was being so nasty to one of the nicest people of all time, and I felt so bad I couldn't sleep the whole night. Insomnia isn't that bad, actually. You get to write!
Anyhow, I want to apologize in case this chapter is a bit OOC. I threw in about two more pages than I normally write, so I hope it's okay. I promise to redo this chapter, and again, thank you for reading! ||Gives bubblegum and lollipops to all readers|| I appreciate your patience, and I swear I won't be so slow again! ^_^