Chapter 18

            That's the whole beauty of it…

            *                                                           *                                                           *

            Journal's Log

          I don't know exactly has been happening to me…to us…for the past few days.

            The rain is and was a dominant thing I could remember from the time past and in the present. It's constantly there reminding me of things I wish not to remember and some things that fill my soul with joy.

            Though, I don't really know what joy is nowadays…

            I'm constantly confused and alone.

            Things aren't always what they seem…

            My life wasn't what it was until I met her.

            When I flip back to the earlier pages of my complaints of not finding a new conquest, I feel pathetic. Now that I have found her, what am I really supposed to do with her now?

            I have tried a lot of time and it had worked each time I tried, but somehow I don't get the satisfactory that I want. With other women, I am contented with my work, but with this particular woman, I am not.

            I really don't know what is wrong with me.

            My mother is already beginning to suspect that I am not myself.

            I have discovered that sex is just another way for me to get by, but her way is different. It doesn't involve much lip contact or sensual touches here and there. I think that I might actually get use to her way of things…warm embraces and chaste gentle kisses…those sorts of things.

            Though, I don't want to give up what I do most of the time.

            Where have I been today and yesterday? In her house, of course. Nowadays I'm finding myself in places I shouldn't be. What's more, I don't even know how I'm getting around. At the moment I find myself in the manor then the next is a mull then I'm standing in front of her house! It's as if I'm being sucked into darkness while all this traveling is happening.

            I don't even know if I should complain about these happenings. Part of me hates the fact that I don't know what I'm doing while my other half is alright by just being with her…just as long as she's with me, I am alright…for the moment.

            I still don't know what's in store for me and she'll be my refuge for the time being and maybe even longer than what I am going through.

            I was standing in the rain, looking at the door that leads to a warm place where I know that I will find my comfort. Beyond those doors lay my source of comfort. Somehow, she knew I was there and admitted me in. She mothered me throughout the whole night. I don't know how I can ever repay her. I was comforted for the moment and all thoughts that haunted me from before vanished with her gentle touch and soothing words. I don't know how I fell asleep, all I heard was a heartbeat…her heartbeat and her hand on my head, her fingers in my hair, lulling me to sleep.

            When I woke up, she was gone. I panicked for just a while until I got some sense in my self. I found her downstairs making breakfast and the rest was a blur.

            Before she bathed, she told me that I could look around. I did exactly what she suggested. I have discovered that our tastes weren't so different. We both liked our homes to be comfortable. While she was warm and welcoming, my house seemed foreboding to others, but to me, it was home nonetheless…even though much memories good and bad have transpired through those walls.

            When I discovered her room of instruments, I was amazed that she had so much talents acquired in such a short span of time. Of course, I too had mastered all these instruments as well. What seemed surprising was how she managed to pay her professors the fee for her lessons. Not that I'm looking down on her, but I already know how her family is managing. She had a violin, a cello, a flute and a Grand Piano. Each instrument was of quality. She liked Ludwig Van Beethoven. He hasn't told her that he loved Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Most bright people loved him, he didn't know how she would react if he told her that he like that infamous composer. I asked her to play, she was hesitant about it, she said that she hasn't played for quite some time…neither have I. But just to get her going, I picked up her violin and did the scales. I was surprised that I my fingers were still as they were back when I was still playing almost everyday.

After I had played the scales, she too played the scales artfully on her piano.

            When I asked her to play she was hesitant. Aside from not playing in a while, she added that she didn't want to lose control of herself. She explained that a strange force always captured he whenever she played. I felt a little surprised because the same thing happened to me most of the time when I played. Her favorite piece was the Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven.

            We played.

            I could vividly see the notes before me even though both of us needed no sheet music to get us through. I felt like flying when I heard the chords of the piano and the sigh of the violin meld into one.

            The strange force was there…it wasn't menacing, it was like a familiar presence that promised something else.

            We played on and on as the rain continued to pour.

            When that was done, I told her breathlessly that great minds think alike.

            'Just like both of us?' was her impish remark.

            After the music session, we had tea, though tea usually comes in the afternoon a little later than lunch, I didn't really mind of course. The rain just made me crave the sweet aroma of tea.

            I don't know how she feels. I don't know what she's thinking at the moment, but I plan to find out sooner or later. She might want something in return for her thoughts and she might want to know what has been causing me to be this way. I don't know if I have the courage to tell her what exactly is going on with me.

            As for Callysta Veridinne Hope…

            I pray that she might leave me long enough to explain to the woman I'm with everything that she needs to know without Cally being in the way.

            Cally…

            What are you doing?
            What do you really want from me?

            *                                                          *                                                          *

            Ginny stared off into space as she mulled over her thoughts. Her chin was in her hands and a cup of tea was going cold before her.

            Either way, I have to find out what's happening to him. I can't have him coming to my house at unexpected times. What if someone finds out? What if that someone might be Harry or Ron? I'm dead. I could explain to them…but they probably wont understand because this is Draco Malfoy we're dealing with.

            Prejudice and discrimination…its always there and you can't get rid of it.

            Ron and Harry's impression of Draco will probably last forever and I can't do anything about it. I can't make them like him or at least get a long with each other without snide remarks and tricks up their sleeves. It's like asking a tick to stop harassing a dog. They'll ask why I'm hanging around with him. Can I even say that I like him…or is it love?

            They wouldn't understand…

            I don't understand it myself either…

            About Draco Malfoy, it seems that I keep constantly thinking about him without meaning to. It's like he's invading my privacy! I'm not annoyed but it's frustrating. I can't get some things done with him in my head.

            Harry and Ron are starting to suspect me already. It's been three days already and I can already feel my work slipping, even Dad has noticed. I had to assure him that I was alright and all that other stuff that would get him off my back.

            Harry had been calling me less ever since he met Valerie. I don't know if I should feel glad about this. I don't know if I should be jealous or be happy for the two. I do want Harry to be happy and find another person to love but I don't like the idea of sharing him with someone just like that. I mean, I do like Valerie a lot in the span of time we met but how do I know I can trust her?
            As for Ron,

            It gets harder and harder every time he confronts me about the way I'm acting. I usually have my own way with him…ever since Hogwarts! I guess he's grown accustomed to what I'm really like and he probably has found ways to counter and resist me. I have to keep a close watch out for him because he won't stop bothering me.

            Valerie is really sweet. If I were a guy I'd probably court her. It's easy to see why Harry spends so much time with her. She's a pretty much all-around girl and I can't refuse her when she asks me to hangout with her. I have so much fun with her and all qualms I have would disappear, but just right after we part ways, it's like there's this annoying tug at my chest that's trying to turn me inside out. I feel guilty for feeling the way I do…mainly because Harry is somewhat connected to this situation. If she had no connection with Harry whatsoever I'd probably get rid of these feelings that I call 'suspicion' and 'doubt'.

            Yes, yes, I'm not really who I am nowadays. It's not entirely my fault that I'm acting like this.

            There's him to blame for this after all.

            One way or another he'll have to confess so we could just get this over with.

            *                                                           *                                                           *

            Valerie frowned as she pushed the doorbell for what seemed like an eternity. She was in front of Ginny's door and wanted to talk to her about something. It looked like that there was no one in the house but as stubborn as she was, she refused to leave.

            She even thought of breaking one of the windows open just to get in or get her attention. She sighed and ran a gloved hand through her hair, squared her shoulders and prepared for another round of pushing the doorbell. She was just about to punch the annoying little thing when the door swung open.

            Ginny blinked then smiled as she realized who was standing before her. "Oh, Valerie! How long have you been there?"

            Valerie sighed again before giving her answer. "I was here for around twenty minutes ringing your doorbell but you wouldn't answer the door,"

            Ginny smiled sheepishly as she gestured for Valerie to come in. "I'm sorry, really I' am. It's just that I have a lot on my mind and I guess I didn't hear," she waved at her to make her self at home while she went into the kitchen to rustle up some refreshments.

            Valerie heard Ginny opening and closing things in the kitchen. She heard Ginny ask her why she was here. "I needed to talk to you," she replied. "Do you want any help in there?" she called to the girl.

            "No, no, I got everything under control," Ginny called back. "It won't take more than a minute," she added.

            Valerie stood up and went into the kitchen besides Ginny's answer.

            Ginny glared at her as she finished putting everything on the tray. "You really didn't need to come here, you know." She gripped the tray by the handles.

            "It's alright, I love helping in the kitchen," Valerie shrugged as she took the tray away from Ginny and walked into the living room.

            Ginny sighed and followed Valerie. "So," she said as she poured each of them a glass of juice. "What did you want to tell me? I'm guessing it's pretty urgent by the way you were ringing the doorbell," she raised and eyebrow at her while sipping her juice.

            Valerie nodded. "Oh, this is really urgent." She said gravely as she put her glass on the table. "It's of great importance and I need you for this."

            Ginny frowned at the tone of the other woman's voice. "What is it Valerie?" She couldn't help but put her glass down as well. She reached for a Danish cookie and began to chew on it little by little.

            "Ginny, you do know that the annual associates party at the Ministry of Magic is just a week away, right?"

            Ginny nodded slowly.

            Valerie leaned forward in her seat and loomed over Ginny; her hands ready to grip something.

            Ginny shrank just a little at the attitude that Valerie was showing at the moment. This was getting a little bit too weird.

            Valerie's voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm a new associate and I need to make a good impression,"

            Ginny's head was swimming. What the hell was Valerie getting to?

            "Ginny!" Valerie gripped her shoulders.

            Ginny gasped at the shock.

            "Ginny!" Valerie's face and voice was panicked. "I don't have anything to wear!"

            Ginny burst out laughing at what she had said. "So is this what it's all about? You want to make a good impression in the party?" She gently pushed Valerie off of her. "I don't think you need to do that! Practically everyone adores you!"

            Valerie twirled a strand of her with her finger before chewing on it. "Do you really think so? But a new dress would certainly look nice…"

            Ginny shook her head. "Alright, I'll go shopping with you tomorrow if that's what you really want. I might as well get a new dress for the occasion."

            Valerie beamed as she clapped her hands. "It'll be my treat."
            Ginny shook her head again but this time more vigorously. "No, it would be too much."

            Valerie pouted comically. "But I need to thank you somehow. Don't worry about the cost or everything." She said pointedly. "Besides, I don't know where I'd be without you looking out for me."

            Ginny knew that it was futile to try and reason out with Valerie so she just surrendered as Valerie continued to talk. Ginny heard every word that flew out of her mouth but she wasn't exactly listening either. She was thinking about the party and what would happen. She knew that all the associated were coming, which meant all the people who worked there and loyal clients. She knew for a fact that Lucius Malfoy was a regular client and Draco was already listed as one of the honorary associates. Was Draco going to come to the party? She wondered if he felt alright to go, something might happen to him there. In any case, she'd have to keep close watch on him.

            *                                                           *                                                           *

            Around after lunch the next day,

            Valerie picked up Ginny from her house and together they went off to Knockturn Alley to buy their new dresses. There was only one place where they could go to, if that place didn't have it, then they'd have to resort to going to a muggle department store.

            They strolled around first before actually going to Wizards and Witches Wardrobe, famously known as WWW. Ginny insisted in going to the bookshop first then Valerie could go to the pet shop.

            Ginny smiled as she scanned the row of books before her. She didn't really get to like books until Hermione influenced her. As of now, she couldn't stop reading. When she knew that she would have to wait for quite some time, she'd always bring a book with her so that she would have something to do besides wait like an idiot.

            Despite Valerie's protests to go the bookshop, she herself scanned the shelves for something that interested her.

            They both got a book and paid for them before heading out to the pet shop. Ginny was okay with it because she really loved animals. She didn't have a pet because she was usually out at work and didn't really find the time to take care or train one.

            Valerie on the other hand had two cats and owl and a bat. Ginny didn't know how she had the time to take care of all of them. Ginny told her that she must be a very patient person to actually take time to do this. Valerie told her that if you really cared about something you wouldn't care about time just as long as they're okay.

            Ginny felt funny as they went out. What Valerie told her made a lot of sense. If she really loved something, she wouldn't care about how much time she would spend or waste on the thing or person. All that matters is that the person or thing is okay.

            "Here we are!" Valerie grinned, spreading her arms wide as they stood in front of the infamous WWW. "Come on!" She grabbed Ginny's hand and dragged her inside.

            Ginny shook her head and disappeared into racks of dresses and robes as Valerie dragged her here and there. She let Valerie pick out her dress first then that's when Ginny would sneak off somewhere to get her dress and pay for it herself. Honestly, she didn't want Valerie to do the paying for her!

            Valerie finally stopped to take in a deep breath. "Why don't you go and pick out what you like so that we'd both be able to go pay right away? There's no sense in waiting for each other to finish, right?"

            "It's alright, I want to see what kind of dress you'd pick out so that I can see what kind of competition I'm in," Ginny grinned at her.

            Valerie laughed. "Whatever. I'm sure that you'll be able to charm any man at the party!" she started looking through the first rack of dresses.

            Ginny smiled and followed Valerie around. She didn't really expect to search for a guy anyway. If she had wanted a guy she'd really go and try to nag one. At the moment, she didn't want male company.

            "Here!" Valerie's voice brought her back. "What do you think of this?" she held out a dark silk dress with two straps. When Valerie wore it, the dress showed most of the back. In the front the dress fitted her perfectly. Shimmers were spread all over it and a slit on one side rose all the way to her thigh. A matching scarf and shoes came along with the dress.
            Ginny had to admit that Valerie looked beautiful in it. "Why don't you go pay for it? You might as well go look for accessories and some other things to make yourself look more glamorous!"

            Valerie scratched her nose. "Alright, I will." She walked off.

            Ginny sighed and darted far away from Valerie. She roamed the aisle of dresses, looking for the perfect dress for her. She found a cream colored dress. It was strapless and followed contour exactly. At the bottom, it flared a little and the under layers would make her look like she was flying when she wore it. The sleeves were made of a light material and were almost translucent. The sleeves reached until her wrist, the longest part flared around her hands. She picked up a pair of crème colored sandals that were strapless. The sandals made her a half-inch taller. She decided to go to the parlor before she going to the party. She was going to change her hairstyle just for the night, maybe make her auburn tresses flow like silk.

            She already had accessories and didn't need to buy new ones. Besides, she wanted to pay ahead of Valerie. She clutched the dress and the box of sandals to her chest and she sped off towards the nearest cashier without that much people. She looked around warily as she deposited her items on the table. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw that Valerie was nowhere in sight. The cashier lazily told Ginny the amount. Ginny fished around for her bag for her money.

            "It's alright, I got it," Valerie plunked down the amount of money on the table and hummed a tune as she waited for the cashier to finish bagging the items.

            Ginny's jaw dropped open as Valerie handed her the bag. How did she get there? "Valerie, you shouldn't have," Ginny began as they left WWW.

            Valerie shook her head. "You already said it was alright yesterday!"

            "I wasn't serious!" Ginny protested as they walked towards the exit of Knockturn Alley. "Let me pay you back," Ginny offered.

            "No, I insist that you take this as a gift!"

            "But I already knew the price."

            "Let's just say then that I let you pick out what you wanted," Valerie said which Ginny took as the end of the discussion. Ginny lost the argument.

            Ginny sighed and let Valerie once again drag her out of Knockturn Alley.

            *                                                           *                                                           *

            Draco found himself in Knockturn Alley shortly after Ginny and Valerie left. He didn't know exactly why he was here, he just knew that he needed to buy something for someone for some special occasion.

            He could vaguely remember a lulling lullaby and something. What he saw there made him want to give something to someone. For some reason, he just couldn't remember the specific details.

            He went to the bookstore and heard the person at the cashier welcome him warmly. He nodded his greeting and checked out the books on display. He thought that the details would come to him when he went into the store, but it didn't.

            He sighed and shoved his hands in his coat pockets and trudged off to another store. He felt cold and lonely as he walked through the crowded streets. He went inside a café and breathed deeply the scent of newly brewed coffee. He sat down by the window and called a waiter over to get his order. The waiter went off to get his cappuccino and Draco stared out the window, his vision a blur.

            The waiter was back with his steaming cappuccino. Draco thanked the waiter softly and blew at his drink to cool it down a little before he took the first sip. The steam floated in front of his face as he put his lips to the mug. The rich taste invaded in mouth and the warmth flowed to his chest and spread to his body. Draco wrapped the mug in his hands, loving the warmth. He stared out the window again, feeling a little bit better than before.

            He blew at his drink again and took a sip, blew then sip, blew then sip, repeating the process over and over again. When his drink was almost gone, a glittering caught his attention. He focused his eyes on the shop on the other side and realized what he was here for.

            Quickly, he drowned his drink, left his payment and strode out the café and stood before the window of the shop that caught his eye. He stared at the display before him and heard the lullaby in his head again. He closed his eyes and the song grew louder in his head. He snapped his eyes open and went into the shop to look for the perfect gift.      

            Display after display he looked through till he found the right one. He spotted a silver-white necklace, a simple diamond heart in the middle. From the heart it branched half an inch longer with each a small round diamond at the end. He got a pair of earrings to go with it. The earrings matched the necklace except that it didn't branch of into two, it only had a single. He got it purchased in its own velvet box with a black velvet ribbon to tie it.

            He knew he had done well. It was perfect.

            *                                                           *                                                           *

            Ginny just came out of the parlor and felt elegant with her new do. The stylist had washed and dried her hair before actually styling it. Her hair flowed like she wanted it to. It felt smooth against her back when her dress was on. Her hair cascaded down in waves. She already had her dress on and was ready to put on her jewelry when the doorbell rang.

            She sighed and hurried downstairs without ruining her dress of her hair. She opened the door and was shocked to find Draco there.

            Draco was dressed in the blackest tailored pants. A green tie matched his dark green polo. His dark green jacket was on his arm and the smallest of smiles was on his lips. "Hello,"

            Ginny couldn't breathe. How long was it since she last saw him? Three days ago? It seemed like a long time ago. When she stared at him now, it felt like as if something bright was begging lose to break free inside of her.

            He was so handsome. His eyes were bluer than ever and his smile, even though small was radiant. She didn't know what happened that made him look much better, but she felt her heart swell just at the sight of him.

            When he looked at her, there was almost a bit of shyness in them. He took a step forwards and brought his arms around her, embracing her warmly, never wanting to let go. He breathed in her scent, his nose nuzzling the flash just above her ear, her hair tickling him.

            She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on, never wanting to be free of this. She felt his lips on hers. It was chaste, gentle and feathery which sent her shivering in the night air. When he pulled away from her, she led him inside and sat him down.

            "You look beautiful," he whispered approvingly as he looked her over. His eyes remained on hers while she blushed.

            "Thank you," She said just as softly. "You look splendid tonight,"

            He smiled and brought out a small velvet box tied with a velvet ribbon. He motioned for her to sit beside him. He took her hands in his and handed her the box. He stared at her quietly as she proceeded to untie the ribbon, pulling gently at one end and watch the rest of the velvet come apart. She opened the box and gasped as she stared at the treasure inside.

            She looked at him, her eyes glistening. "But, why?"

            He wordlessly took the box from her, lifting out the necklace and stood up to place the necklace around her neck. He brushed her hair away from her neck and clasped the ends to hold it in place.

            She fingered the heart on her chest, feeling his fingers brush against her skin.

            He helped her get the matching earrings on before turning her to look at him. His fingers caressed her face, lining her lips and nose and eyes. He kissed her once more, this time longer and with more passion than the last. She felt her knees buckle when his lips seared hers.

            When he pulled away from her, he led her to the door and out of the house, his driver in the car ready to take them to the party.

            The stars in the sky shone brightly as the car sped off to their destination. The wind caressing the tree tops, dancing with the leaves, knowing that the two were with each other.