(Well, i tried really hard to get this chapter up as quick as possible, so
you guys won't hate me, i just hope you like it. here goes: )
After a few more days on the road, everyone was looking forward to reaching Dieppe, but none more than Will. He couldn't wait to wrap his arms around his fiancée, and kiss the dark haired beauty as he had in his dreams for so many nights now. As they got closer and closer, he grew more energized and impatient with those slowing them down, namely Wat.
"Oh, for pete's sake, Wat! Will you pick up the pace?!? At the rate you're going, we won't get there till autumn!" Will called to the back of the group where Wat was trudging along, dragging his feet with every step.
"But I'm tired, Will!" he whined back. "We've been going non-stop for almost a week now. The tournament isn't for a couple more days; I think we can afford to take a few brakes."
Will's tone took an unexpectedly sympathetic tone. "Well, I guess your right. I'm sure all those cakes and roasts and flagons of ale will wait. You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not really in the mood for a feast, anyway. Let's stop here for a bit, shall we?" Then Will plopped himself down on a log at the edge of the road.
"What are you doing, man?!?" Wat, having suddenly found some life, marched up to Will and heaved him to his feet. "You know, we really don't want to be late for the tournament. We'd better keep moving, or we might miss the thing all together, and we wouldn't want that, would we?"
So they continued on, and at a slightly quicker pace now that every couple of minutes Wat was telling them to pick up their feet. Hardly anyone noticed how Kate seemed to lack the enthusiasm she normally possessed when they were approaching a city. Now that she was planning to leave the group she had come to love so much, she found every time she opened her mouth to speak, her words got stuck in her throat. The only one who seemed to remark her odd behaviour was Geoff. He hung back a little to talk to her privately while the other three marched ahead, with their arms around each other's shoulders.
"All right there, Kate?"
"Hullo, Geoff. Beautiful day, isn't it?" she asked.
"That it is, Kate, that it is." They looked around themselves to admire the French northern landscape. The sun was shinning down on them though the heavy branches of the full oak trees. The whole atmosphere seemed to be glowing with green from their leaves and the air felt alive. Then he turned to look her in the face. "So what is it then that's making you so unhappy?"
At first Kate was taken aback. "What. nothing's making me unhappy, Geoff. I'm fine." Kate knew it sounded like a lie; she was never very good at hiding the truth. The look on Chaucer's face told her she was right: he didn't believe her. He waited patiently still watching her, and waiting for her to open up to him.
Kate heaved a sigh as she realized it was no use. Try as hard as she might to hide them, Geoff had always been able to read her emotions. He understood her better than any of the other men, and when she did feel like talking to someone, more often than not, it was he she went to. Besides, in a day or two, everyone would know anyway, so what was the point of putting it off any longer?
"Fine, Geoff, I'll tell you. Though I did want to wait till we had reached Dieppe. And please don't tell the others just yet, will you?"
"Whatever you say Kate, I'm just here to listen." He gave he a reassuring smile and she continued.
"I've made a decision, though it was not easy, I must tell you. I've thought about it a lot, weighed the different arguments. Really I was trying to figure out just what I wanted, and for the longest time I had no idea. But I think I know what I want now- no, wait, I know what I want now, and there's no changing my mind. I'm finally sure."
"Kate!" Geoff interrupted her endless babbling, though he knew it was a sign of her nervousness. "Calm down and just tell me already."
She took a deep breath. "I'm going home."
There was a silence then, and Kate was almost afraid to look at Geoff. But after a few more moments, she couldn't bare it and glimpsed at him. His face held the look of one deep in thought. "Geoff." Her voice was barely audible.
He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and turned back to her. "You know I think that's a splendid idea."
"You- you do?" Kate's heart dropped as she realized the others may not be so sad to see her go.
"Well, I've just realized how this must be for you. You're out here with us, the only woman in a band of the most uncivilized men God ever put on this earth." As if to reiterate his remark, Wat let out a massive belch up ahead of them. ".travelling each day in all kinds of weather from one tournament to the next. I'm sure this was not what you expected when you joined with us, eh? And the prospect of a hot bath and comfortable bed is probably weighing heavily on your mind by now. Of course I understand that you want to go home for a while and rest up. And your family must miss you terribly, and you them, I'm sure. No, Kate, I think it's a fine idea if you go home for a bit. Then you can meet up with us again, perhaps at the tournament in Prague, by June?"
She was watching her feet as she walked and a single tear fell down her cheek. He didn't understand, and explaining this to him was going to be the hardest thing she had done yet. But she knew she had to offer him an explanation, and it just might have to be the truth.
"No Geoff, that's not what I mean." He stopped her and lifted her chin with a finger, making her face him.
"What is it Kate? Why are you crying?"
"I'm going home. for good. I'm leaving and I'm not going to be coming back." As she looked into his eyes she saw his confusion, then realization and finally the sadness. She tried to apologize with her own eyes but it all seemed so pointless, the hurt was evident in his own.
"Why?" was all he said.
"I- I don't really know. Mostly I just feel like that's where I should be. Like that's where I belong."
"I don't believe that. Kate, you belong here with us, were your family. You know that. You have a very special place here, it's where you belong."
"What? To make armour for one knight for the rest of my life? To follow you all around from city to city? To never settle down myself, maybe have a family?" With each question her voice grew stronger and more fierce. But suddenly it grew soft, emotional. "That's what I wanted once, long ago, a family. Then somewhere it all changed. I just don't think this is what I want for my life." She gestured around herself with her arms. "Something is missing, something I won't find if I stay here."
By this time the other three had moved on quite a bit, and Geoff took her elbow and continue walking.
"But Kate, I always thought you were happy here with us. I thought this was where you wanted to be, and who you wanted to be with."
"Oh, it was Geoff. These have been some of the happiest months of my life, and I wouldn't trade them for all the gold in the world. I love all of you, very much, you know."
Geoff smiled a sad smile and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a tight squeeze. "We think the world of you, too. You're our little Scottish lass, you know that."
"That's what make this so hard," she continued watching her feet. "You are all so kind, my life here has been wonderful. I've grown so close to all of you. Leaving will be the hardest thing I've ever done."
"Then why do it?" Geoff pushed on. "I don't understand, Kate. Why do you feel like you must leave?"
"Geoff, please, can't you just accept it? Why do you have to ask me all these questions? Just say goodbye and let me leave." Kate never thought she would have to try so hard to convince them of her decision. She had hoped it would be just a sad farewell with hugs and kisses, and then she could be off. She had not meant to confront her emotional demons like this.
Chaucer's face took a firm expression and he stated simply, "No, Kate. I refuse to let you go without an explanation. I care too much to let that happen." He looked down at her and said gently, "If you are leaving, then you at least owe me the truth. If I'm never to see our darling Kate again, I want to know why."
"I- I don't know." Kate's voice slowly trailed off. She didn't even know how to begin to tell Geoff about her feelings for Will.
Then an idea passed through Geoff's mind and he asked, "Does this have anything to do with Will?"
The shock that Chaucer had guessed it so easily, stopped Kate in her tracks, though she couldn't look at him. She felt her cheeks reddening slightly as he stopped beside her.
"Ah, I see it does," he began. And when Kate said nothing he continued. "You know, I've often wondered if there wasn't a little something between you two."
"There wasn't! I mean, isn't!" Kate cut him off looking up at him.
"And therein lies the problem, am I right? You care for him then?" he asked.
Kate looked him straight in the eye and spoke the truth, something she had tried so hard to keep even from herself. "I think I'm in love with him," she whispered. Then she waited for Geoff's response.
It came seconds later when his mouth spread into a wide grin and he picked her up in a giant hug and swung her around, laughing.
"Finally!" he declared as he put her back down. "I was wondering how long it would take you to notice."
"Geoff, please," she begged him desperately. She was more disappointed than ever, he just didn't understand. "This is not good. I tried to fight this. I did not want to fall in love with Will."
Geoff's grin lessened somewhat, but he was still smiling. "But you couldn't avoid it, could you? Why in heavens name would you want to fight it?"
"Because who would want to fall in love with someone who already loved another?" she demanded.
Chaucer was silent for a moment as the realization sunk in. "Jocelyn."
"Yes, Jocelyn. The beautiful lady that Will is madly in love with and plans to marry."
But Geoff wasn't about to give up on his two friends yet. "That woman is a witch. She doesn't deserve him; he should be with you. You know that. I know that. Hell, everybody knows that!"
"Yes, well, Will obviously doesn't think so. He's still in love with her, and no one can change that. We've tried before to make him realize, but you know how he is. To him, Jocelyn can do no wrong. She's perfect."
"Well, Kate, now he's got to listen." He turned to go run and join the others, but Kate held him back.
"No, Geoff, please don't say anything. You promised you wouldn't tell." Kate was pleading with him.
Geoff turned back to face her. "Kate, this is important. This is something that simply cannot be left alone."
"But it must. And it will. Do you honestly think anything has changed, that he'll believe you now? And even if by some miracle he does, so what? I don't think Will feels anything for me but friendship. It would be a complete humiliation."
"You're wrong," Geoff took her by the shoulders and gently shook her. "I've seen him look at you sometimes. Sometimes when you don't even notice. I've seen a look in his eye, and seen his gaze linger on you longer than is normal. You may deny it, but I am certain he has feelings of love for you, deep down inside himself. Though they may be so deep even he doesn't realize them yet."
Kate wanted to believe him so badly, but it all seemed so unreal. She shook her head and asked, "How do you know? How could you know what he's feeling, if he himself doesn't even know?"
"I'm a writer, an artist," he stated simply. "For some reason I was blessed with this talent to understand people, their minds and their hearts, and all of their intricacies. And I am also a man, who has been in love myself once or twice," he added with a wink to her. "When I look at Will, I see a man who is sharing his heart with another, and though he thinks it's Jocelyn, I am most certain that is not real love. I think he'll realize it himself, one day, and I just hope it won't be too late. I hope you won't be gone."
"Your words are comforting Geoff, you certainly do have a way with them." He bowed dramatically at her compliment. "But Will had better realize quickly, if he ever is going to. I am leaving when we reach Dieppe, and my mind is made up. No matter how much you say you understand someone, you can't control him. You cannot make him see what he doesn't want to. If Will does love me, as you say, then that is something he should realize on his own, without any help."
"I just don't want to see it never realized. I want to see the two of you happy and together."
"Well, we'll see. I believe in fate, Geoff, and if something is supposed to happen I'm sure it will." Kate just wanted to drop the subject. She was certain Will would never love her the way she wanted him to, and it only hurt her to imagine things that could never be.
"Oy! You two!" They both looked up to see Wat ahead yelling back at them. "We do want to reach the tournament sometime this year. Helloooo?"
"We're coming, Wat!" Chaucer yelled back to him. Then he linked arms with Kate and they continued walking.
"So that's it then? You've made up your mind, have you? You'll leave us just because you cannot have Will?"
"I know it sounds foolish, Geoff, but I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't sit and watch as he loves another."
"And yet you refuse to do something about it?" All Kate could respond was with a look, a pained look that showed her defeat. "I know I'm being hard on you, love. But really, you're not just leaving him, you're leaving all of us, and I'm going to miss you a great deal." He paused for a moment, deep in thought. "But as much as it hurts me, I do understand why you must go. Really, I do. For in love, there can be no exceptions."
Kate leaned over and hugged him. "Thank you, Geoff. I'm glad you finally get it; it will make it so much easier when I have to leave. Maybe you could help the others after I'm gone?"
"Mm-hmm." Geoff murmured as they continued after the others. Secretly he was trying to think of some way to make her stay, or bring his two friends together. He knew Fate was a busy lady and sometimes she needed a little help.
(Well, I hope that was good enough for now. Just to warn you all, the next chapter is going to be the hardest one I've written yet, so it might take a while. I really don't know how I'm gonna do it, though I know exactly what's going to happen in it. It was one of the first ideas I had about this story, but I knew I couldn't start with it, so I had to do all these chapters beforehand. So I guess now is when my story will actually start (if I can ever figure out how to do it). Sorry, but I want you guys to actually like it, so I want to make it believable and entertaining and in- character. you know, actually good. Cuz, I probably wouldn't have kept going with it if it weren't for your reviews, really, you guys are the greatest. But now it makes it harder, because I want you all to like it. Really, I'm writing for you now, not so much for me, which is a little frightening. So be nice, I don't take rejection too well, anyways, cheers!)
After a few more days on the road, everyone was looking forward to reaching Dieppe, but none more than Will. He couldn't wait to wrap his arms around his fiancée, and kiss the dark haired beauty as he had in his dreams for so many nights now. As they got closer and closer, he grew more energized and impatient with those slowing them down, namely Wat.
"Oh, for pete's sake, Wat! Will you pick up the pace?!? At the rate you're going, we won't get there till autumn!" Will called to the back of the group where Wat was trudging along, dragging his feet with every step.
"But I'm tired, Will!" he whined back. "We've been going non-stop for almost a week now. The tournament isn't for a couple more days; I think we can afford to take a few brakes."
Will's tone took an unexpectedly sympathetic tone. "Well, I guess your right. I'm sure all those cakes and roasts and flagons of ale will wait. You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not really in the mood for a feast, anyway. Let's stop here for a bit, shall we?" Then Will plopped himself down on a log at the edge of the road.
"What are you doing, man?!?" Wat, having suddenly found some life, marched up to Will and heaved him to his feet. "You know, we really don't want to be late for the tournament. We'd better keep moving, or we might miss the thing all together, and we wouldn't want that, would we?"
So they continued on, and at a slightly quicker pace now that every couple of minutes Wat was telling them to pick up their feet. Hardly anyone noticed how Kate seemed to lack the enthusiasm she normally possessed when they were approaching a city. Now that she was planning to leave the group she had come to love so much, she found every time she opened her mouth to speak, her words got stuck in her throat. The only one who seemed to remark her odd behaviour was Geoff. He hung back a little to talk to her privately while the other three marched ahead, with their arms around each other's shoulders.
"All right there, Kate?"
"Hullo, Geoff. Beautiful day, isn't it?" she asked.
"That it is, Kate, that it is." They looked around themselves to admire the French northern landscape. The sun was shinning down on them though the heavy branches of the full oak trees. The whole atmosphere seemed to be glowing with green from their leaves and the air felt alive. Then he turned to look her in the face. "So what is it then that's making you so unhappy?"
At first Kate was taken aback. "What. nothing's making me unhappy, Geoff. I'm fine." Kate knew it sounded like a lie; she was never very good at hiding the truth. The look on Chaucer's face told her she was right: he didn't believe her. He waited patiently still watching her, and waiting for her to open up to him.
Kate heaved a sigh as she realized it was no use. Try as hard as she might to hide them, Geoff had always been able to read her emotions. He understood her better than any of the other men, and when she did feel like talking to someone, more often than not, it was he she went to. Besides, in a day or two, everyone would know anyway, so what was the point of putting it off any longer?
"Fine, Geoff, I'll tell you. Though I did want to wait till we had reached Dieppe. And please don't tell the others just yet, will you?"
"Whatever you say Kate, I'm just here to listen." He gave he a reassuring smile and she continued.
"I've made a decision, though it was not easy, I must tell you. I've thought about it a lot, weighed the different arguments. Really I was trying to figure out just what I wanted, and for the longest time I had no idea. But I think I know what I want now- no, wait, I know what I want now, and there's no changing my mind. I'm finally sure."
"Kate!" Geoff interrupted her endless babbling, though he knew it was a sign of her nervousness. "Calm down and just tell me already."
She took a deep breath. "I'm going home."
There was a silence then, and Kate was almost afraid to look at Geoff. But after a few more moments, she couldn't bare it and glimpsed at him. His face held the look of one deep in thought. "Geoff." Her voice was barely audible.
He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and turned back to her. "You know I think that's a splendid idea."
"You- you do?" Kate's heart dropped as she realized the others may not be so sad to see her go.
"Well, I've just realized how this must be for you. You're out here with us, the only woman in a band of the most uncivilized men God ever put on this earth." As if to reiterate his remark, Wat let out a massive belch up ahead of them. ".travelling each day in all kinds of weather from one tournament to the next. I'm sure this was not what you expected when you joined with us, eh? And the prospect of a hot bath and comfortable bed is probably weighing heavily on your mind by now. Of course I understand that you want to go home for a while and rest up. And your family must miss you terribly, and you them, I'm sure. No, Kate, I think it's a fine idea if you go home for a bit. Then you can meet up with us again, perhaps at the tournament in Prague, by June?"
She was watching her feet as she walked and a single tear fell down her cheek. He didn't understand, and explaining this to him was going to be the hardest thing she had done yet. But she knew she had to offer him an explanation, and it just might have to be the truth.
"No Geoff, that's not what I mean." He stopped her and lifted her chin with a finger, making her face him.
"What is it Kate? Why are you crying?"
"I'm going home. for good. I'm leaving and I'm not going to be coming back." As she looked into his eyes she saw his confusion, then realization and finally the sadness. She tried to apologize with her own eyes but it all seemed so pointless, the hurt was evident in his own.
"Why?" was all he said.
"I- I don't really know. Mostly I just feel like that's where I should be. Like that's where I belong."
"I don't believe that. Kate, you belong here with us, were your family. You know that. You have a very special place here, it's where you belong."
"What? To make armour for one knight for the rest of my life? To follow you all around from city to city? To never settle down myself, maybe have a family?" With each question her voice grew stronger and more fierce. But suddenly it grew soft, emotional. "That's what I wanted once, long ago, a family. Then somewhere it all changed. I just don't think this is what I want for my life." She gestured around herself with her arms. "Something is missing, something I won't find if I stay here."
By this time the other three had moved on quite a bit, and Geoff took her elbow and continue walking.
"But Kate, I always thought you were happy here with us. I thought this was where you wanted to be, and who you wanted to be with."
"Oh, it was Geoff. These have been some of the happiest months of my life, and I wouldn't trade them for all the gold in the world. I love all of you, very much, you know."
Geoff smiled a sad smile and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a tight squeeze. "We think the world of you, too. You're our little Scottish lass, you know that."
"That's what make this so hard," she continued watching her feet. "You are all so kind, my life here has been wonderful. I've grown so close to all of you. Leaving will be the hardest thing I've ever done."
"Then why do it?" Geoff pushed on. "I don't understand, Kate. Why do you feel like you must leave?"
"Geoff, please, can't you just accept it? Why do you have to ask me all these questions? Just say goodbye and let me leave." Kate never thought she would have to try so hard to convince them of her decision. She had hoped it would be just a sad farewell with hugs and kisses, and then she could be off. She had not meant to confront her emotional demons like this.
Chaucer's face took a firm expression and he stated simply, "No, Kate. I refuse to let you go without an explanation. I care too much to let that happen." He looked down at her and said gently, "If you are leaving, then you at least owe me the truth. If I'm never to see our darling Kate again, I want to know why."
"I- I don't know." Kate's voice slowly trailed off. She didn't even know how to begin to tell Geoff about her feelings for Will.
Then an idea passed through Geoff's mind and he asked, "Does this have anything to do with Will?"
The shock that Chaucer had guessed it so easily, stopped Kate in her tracks, though she couldn't look at him. She felt her cheeks reddening slightly as he stopped beside her.
"Ah, I see it does," he began. And when Kate said nothing he continued. "You know, I've often wondered if there wasn't a little something between you two."
"There wasn't! I mean, isn't!" Kate cut him off looking up at him.
"And therein lies the problem, am I right? You care for him then?" he asked.
Kate looked him straight in the eye and spoke the truth, something she had tried so hard to keep even from herself. "I think I'm in love with him," she whispered. Then she waited for Geoff's response.
It came seconds later when his mouth spread into a wide grin and he picked her up in a giant hug and swung her around, laughing.
"Finally!" he declared as he put her back down. "I was wondering how long it would take you to notice."
"Geoff, please," she begged him desperately. She was more disappointed than ever, he just didn't understand. "This is not good. I tried to fight this. I did not want to fall in love with Will."
Geoff's grin lessened somewhat, but he was still smiling. "But you couldn't avoid it, could you? Why in heavens name would you want to fight it?"
"Because who would want to fall in love with someone who already loved another?" she demanded.
Chaucer was silent for a moment as the realization sunk in. "Jocelyn."
"Yes, Jocelyn. The beautiful lady that Will is madly in love with and plans to marry."
But Geoff wasn't about to give up on his two friends yet. "That woman is a witch. She doesn't deserve him; he should be with you. You know that. I know that. Hell, everybody knows that!"
"Yes, well, Will obviously doesn't think so. He's still in love with her, and no one can change that. We've tried before to make him realize, but you know how he is. To him, Jocelyn can do no wrong. She's perfect."
"Well, Kate, now he's got to listen." He turned to go run and join the others, but Kate held him back.
"No, Geoff, please don't say anything. You promised you wouldn't tell." Kate was pleading with him.
Geoff turned back to face her. "Kate, this is important. This is something that simply cannot be left alone."
"But it must. And it will. Do you honestly think anything has changed, that he'll believe you now? And even if by some miracle he does, so what? I don't think Will feels anything for me but friendship. It would be a complete humiliation."
"You're wrong," Geoff took her by the shoulders and gently shook her. "I've seen him look at you sometimes. Sometimes when you don't even notice. I've seen a look in his eye, and seen his gaze linger on you longer than is normal. You may deny it, but I am certain he has feelings of love for you, deep down inside himself. Though they may be so deep even he doesn't realize them yet."
Kate wanted to believe him so badly, but it all seemed so unreal. She shook her head and asked, "How do you know? How could you know what he's feeling, if he himself doesn't even know?"
"I'm a writer, an artist," he stated simply. "For some reason I was blessed with this talent to understand people, their minds and their hearts, and all of their intricacies. And I am also a man, who has been in love myself once or twice," he added with a wink to her. "When I look at Will, I see a man who is sharing his heart with another, and though he thinks it's Jocelyn, I am most certain that is not real love. I think he'll realize it himself, one day, and I just hope it won't be too late. I hope you won't be gone."
"Your words are comforting Geoff, you certainly do have a way with them." He bowed dramatically at her compliment. "But Will had better realize quickly, if he ever is going to. I am leaving when we reach Dieppe, and my mind is made up. No matter how much you say you understand someone, you can't control him. You cannot make him see what he doesn't want to. If Will does love me, as you say, then that is something he should realize on his own, without any help."
"I just don't want to see it never realized. I want to see the two of you happy and together."
"Well, we'll see. I believe in fate, Geoff, and if something is supposed to happen I'm sure it will." Kate just wanted to drop the subject. She was certain Will would never love her the way she wanted him to, and it only hurt her to imagine things that could never be.
"Oy! You two!" They both looked up to see Wat ahead yelling back at them. "We do want to reach the tournament sometime this year. Helloooo?"
"We're coming, Wat!" Chaucer yelled back to him. Then he linked arms with Kate and they continued walking.
"So that's it then? You've made up your mind, have you? You'll leave us just because you cannot have Will?"
"I know it sounds foolish, Geoff, but I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't sit and watch as he loves another."
"And yet you refuse to do something about it?" All Kate could respond was with a look, a pained look that showed her defeat. "I know I'm being hard on you, love. But really, you're not just leaving him, you're leaving all of us, and I'm going to miss you a great deal." He paused for a moment, deep in thought. "But as much as it hurts me, I do understand why you must go. Really, I do. For in love, there can be no exceptions."
Kate leaned over and hugged him. "Thank you, Geoff. I'm glad you finally get it; it will make it so much easier when I have to leave. Maybe you could help the others after I'm gone?"
"Mm-hmm." Geoff murmured as they continued after the others. Secretly he was trying to think of some way to make her stay, or bring his two friends together. He knew Fate was a busy lady and sometimes she needed a little help.
(Well, I hope that was good enough for now. Just to warn you all, the next chapter is going to be the hardest one I've written yet, so it might take a while. I really don't know how I'm gonna do it, though I know exactly what's going to happen in it. It was one of the first ideas I had about this story, but I knew I couldn't start with it, so I had to do all these chapters beforehand. So I guess now is when my story will actually start (if I can ever figure out how to do it). Sorry, but I want you guys to actually like it, so I want to make it believable and entertaining and in- character. you know, actually good. Cuz, I probably wouldn't have kept going with it if it weren't for your reviews, really, you guys are the greatest. But now it makes it harder, because I want you all to like it. Really, I'm writing for you now, not so much for me, which is a little frightening. So be nice, I don't take rejection too well, anyways, cheers!)