ONE
The school bell's annoying ringing broke the silence of the early morning. Hurriedly, students everywhere picked up their books and dashed off to their classes, desperately trying to reach them before the beginning of class. All but one. well, actually, two, but the other one has nothing to do with the story. So, for our purposes, all but one.
Saruman took his time and arrived at Spanish a full 33 minutes after the bell rang. He took his white binder and sat down in his seat while Mrs. Gallagher was blabbing on about the correct use of unos and unas for the 20th time. Slowly, the wizard raised his hand.
"Si?" asked Mrs. Gallagher, in Spanish as usual so that no one could understand her. Fortunately, Saruman knew 412 languages, including Latin, Chinese, and whatever it is that Bush speaks- it certainly isn't English, and he was able to answer, in Spanish, "Why aren't we learning Elvish?"
Mrs. Gallagher was a bit taken aback. "Because this is Spanish class, and we're learning Spanish."
"Then why don't we learn Elvish instead?" inquired Saruman.
"Because Elvish is a useless language."
"I don't think it's useless!" Saruman said, hurt. He put his hand down and let Mrs. Gallagher move on.
"Alright, everyone!" Mrs. Gallagher said cheerfully. "Now we're going to learn 50 objects with a song that goes like this:"
"One object's good,
But too is bad.
Abrehuecos
Is so sad."
After the song was over, Mrs. Gallagher went over to various objects and pointed at them, mumbling something each time. Suddenly, a boy raised his hand and asked if he could please go to the bathroom.
"Not unless you say it in Spanish," the teacher said, annoyed that the boy had interrupted the monotony of her lecture.
"Please?" the boy pleaded, but to no avail. Mrs. Gallagher resumed her droning.
A little while later, the boy raised his hand again. "I just wet my pants, Mrs. Gallagher. Can I go to the bathroom and dry them off?"
"Not unless you say it in Spanish," Mrs. Gallagher repeated.
She went on. "So, know that you all know the 337 different was to say the in Spanish, we'll be having a pop quiz that's worth 80% of your grade!"
She passed out the quiz as the class groaned. "You miserable bastard," one boy grumbled.
"Please, Richard, if you must cuss, do it in Spanish!" Mrs. Gallagher said, passing him his test.
"Mui idiota," Richard said.
"Now," said Mrs. Gallagher, "there's a bonus question for this quiz that I'll give out now to 1 person in the class, because that's the way I do things! The rest of you will just fail. So: what is the Spanish word for idiot?"
Saruman and Richard raised their hands. "Oh, how about Saruman," Mrs. Gallagher said. "What's the answer Saruman?"
The wizard stood up. "Mia losta carm ina, tonal hosta carm ina!" he yelled.
"Wait, that doesn't sound like Spanish to- BAHH!" said Mrs. Gallagher as she turned into a sheep.
"HOORAY!" the class yelled at the top of their lungs. Richard stood up and began to sing:
"Ding, dong, the witch is dead.
She's really dead.
We'll get a robot instead.
Ding, dong, the witch is really DEAD!"
"Man," another student whispered to his friend. "If he wasn't wearing a dress, the new kid would be cool!" With a SNAP, he turned into a frog.
"IT'S A ROBE!" yelled Saruman at the frog, which merely ribbited in reply and hopped out the door.
The class then broke into Mrs. Gallagher's secret candy stash, whereupon they guzzled down all sorts of fatty foods until the bell rang and Saruman headed for English.
The school bell's annoying ringing broke the silence of the early morning. Hurriedly, students everywhere picked up their books and dashed off to their classes, desperately trying to reach them before the beginning of class. All but one. well, actually, two, but the other one has nothing to do with the story. So, for our purposes, all but one.
Saruman took his time and arrived at Spanish a full 33 minutes after the bell rang. He took his white binder and sat down in his seat while Mrs. Gallagher was blabbing on about the correct use of unos and unas for the 20th time. Slowly, the wizard raised his hand.
"Si?" asked Mrs. Gallagher, in Spanish as usual so that no one could understand her. Fortunately, Saruman knew 412 languages, including Latin, Chinese, and whatever it is that Bush speaks- it certainly isn't English, and he was able to answer, in Spanish, "Why aren't we learning Elvish?"
Mrs. Gallagher was a bit taken aback. "Because this is Spanish class, and we're learning Spanish."
"Then why don't we learn Elvish instead?" inquired Saruman.
"Because Elvish is a useless language."
"I don't think it's useless!" Saruman said, hurt. He put his hand down and let Mrs. Gallagher move on.
"Alright, everyone!" Mrs. Gallagher said cheerfully. "Now we're going to learn 50 objects with a song that goes like this:"
"One object's good,
But too is bad.
Abrehuecos
Is so sad."
After the song was over, Mrs. Gallagher went over to various objects and pointed at them, mumbling something each time. Suddenly, a boy raised his hand and asked if he could please go to the bathroom.
"Not unless you say it in Spanish," the teacher said, annoyed that the boy had interrupted the monotony of her lecture.
"Please?" the boy pleaded, but to no avail. Mrs. Gallagher resumed her droning.
A little while later, the boy raised his hand again. "I just wet my pants, Mrs. Gallagher. Can I go to the bathroom and dry them off?"
"Not unless you say it in Spanish," Mrs. Gallagher repeated.
She went on. "So, know that you all know the 337 different was to say the in Spanish, we'll be having a pop quiz that's worth 80% of your grade!"
She passed out the quiz as the class groaned. "You miserable bastard," one boy grumbled.
"Please, Richard, if you must cuss, do it in Spanish!" Mrs. Gallagher said, passing him his test.
"Mui idiota," Richard said.
"Now," said Mrs. Gallagher, "there's a bonus question for this quiz that I'll give out now to 1 person in the class, because that's the way I do things! The rest of you will just fail. So: what is the Spanish word for idiot?"
Saruman and Richard raised their hands. "Oh, how about Saruman," Mrs. Gallagher said. "What's the answer Saruman?"
The wizard stood up. "Mia losta carm ina, tonal hosta carm ina!" he yelled.
"Wait, that doesn't sound like Spanish to- BAHH!" said Mrs. Gallagher as she turned into a sheep.
"HOORAY!" the class yelled at the top of their lungs. Richard stood up and began to sing:
"Ding, dong, the witch is dead.
She's really dead.
We'll get a robot instead.
Ding, dong, the witch is really DEAD!"
"Man," another student whispered to his friend. "If he wasn't wearing a dress, the new kid would be cool!" With a SNAP, he turned into a frog.
"IT'S A ROBE!" yelled Saruman at the frog, which merely ribbited in reply and hopped out the door.
The class then broke into Mrs. Gallagher's secret candy stash, whereupon they guzzled down all sorts of fatty foods until the bell rang and Saruman headed for English.