FOUR
When he arrived in World Studies Saruman put his textbook under his desk and sat down. He copied down his homework ("Have a great weekend!" regardless of the fact that it was Tuesday) and then started reading his textbook. Suddenly Mr. Ragan screamed loudly in his ear, "WHY IS YOUR TEXTBOOK AT SCHOOL?"
Saruman jumped up. "What the- oh, well, why shouldn't it be?"
Mr. Ragan furrowed his brow. "Hmm, let's think for a second, because I said it should always be at home?"
"Oh," said the wizard. "Well, does it really matter?"
"Does it matter?" said Mr. Ragan. "Does it matter? Is the pope Catholic?"
Another kid stood up. "Not anymore," he said. "He's become Lutheran."
"Oh, well, that's not the point." Mr. Ragan strode about the room. "The point is, you need to follow my directions, Mr. White. Insubordination!"
Saruman teleported his textbook back home. "Happy?" he asked.
Mr. Ragan snorted. "Is the pope Catholic?"
Later on in the class period, Saruman was busy writing a sentence when Mr. Ragan screeched, "PENCIL!"
"What, what, what?" Saruman yelled, running about. "Where's the fire, where's the fire?"
"There is no fire!" yelled Mr. Ragan. "You're writing in pencil! I won't allow it!"
Now by this time Saruman was getting pretty fed up with Mr. Ragan and impaled him with his pencil. The teacher collapsed on the floor, moaning. "You- idiot! Don't- stab me- with a- pencil!"
Saruman rolled his eyes, took out a green pen, and jammed it in Mr. Ragan's chest.
"NO!" Mr. Ragan wailed. "Blue or black pen ONLY!"
Saruman took a black pen and stabbed Mr. Ragan with it, very angry by now.
"Ahhh. that's better," Mr. Ragan sighed. Then he dragged himself out of the classroom, leaving a blood trail behind him. The class was silent for a few moments, but then one of the dumber kids stood up. "Um, do we still have to have a good weekend?" he asked.
Saruman vaporized him and then turned to the rest of your class. "Now listen up!" he ordered. "We will NOT be learning about the Feudal Age anymore- your Earth is weak and pathetic. Instead we will be learning about the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd ages of Middle-Earth, and if anyone wishes to learn about his or her own history, they can go learn from Mr. Ragan at the Morgue.
"Actually," said Mr. Ragan from outside, "I'm not quite dead."
Saruman looked at the door with an annoyed expression. "Oh, well, you will be soon."
"I'm actually getting better," said Mr. Ragan.
Saruman looked furious. Turning to the class, he asked, "Could some one please go outside and finish the job?"
Several students raised their hands. "Oh, how about- Ph- Ph- Ph- oh, never mind, John can do it," said the wizard.
John went outside and the class leaned in to hear what he was doing:
"Oh, John, it's you, thank goodness. Listen, buddy, can you snap that back in place. Ohh, that feels nice. Ooh! Ooh! Stop it John, that tickles!"
The class shuddered. One kid leaned over and vomited.
"Wait, John, what the heck are you doing? What- no, no, don't touch that! Please, John- AGHPUKCI! What the @#$%?"
John walked into the classroom holding Mr. Ragan's kidney. "His death'll be slow and painful, don't you worry Mr. White!" he said cheerfully to Saruman.
Saruman chuckled, and then the bell rang.
When he arrived in World Studies Saruman put his textbook under his desk and sat down. He copied down his homework ("Have a great weekend!" regardless of the fact that it was Tuesday) and then started reading his textbook. Suddenly Mr. Ragan screamed loudly in his ear, "WHY IS YOUR TEXTBOOK AT SCHOOL?"
Saruman jumped up. "What the- oh, well, why shouldn't it be?"
Mr. Ragan furrowed his brow. "Hmm, let's think for a second, because I said it should always be at home?"
"Oh," said the wizard. "Well, does it really matter?"
"Does it matter?" said Mr. Ragan. "Does it matter? Is the pope Catholic?"
Another kid stood up. "Not anymore," he said. "He's become Lutheran."
"Oh, well, that's not the point." Mr. Ragan strode about the room. "The point is, you need to follow my directions, Mr. White. Insubordination!"
Saruman teleported his textbook back home. "Happy?" he asked.
Mr. Ragan snorted. "Is the pope Catholic?"
Later on in the class period, Saruman was busy writing a sentence when Mr. Ragan screeched, "PENCIL!"
"What, what, what?" Saruman yelled, running about. "Where's the fire, where's the fire?"
"There is no fire!" yelled Mr. Ragan. "You're writing in pencil! I won't allow it!"
Now by this time Saruman was getting pretty fed up with Mr. Ragan and impaled him with his pencil. The teacher collapsed on the floor, moaning. "You- idiot! Don't- stab me- with a- pencil!"
Saruman rolled his eyes, took out a green pen, and jammed it in Mr. Ragan's chest.
"NO!" Mr. Ragan wailed. "Blue or black pen ONLY!"
Saruman took a black pen and stabbed Mr. Ragan with it, very angry by now.
"Ahhh. that's better," Mr. Ragan sighed. Then he dragged himself out of the classroom, leaving a blood trail behind him. The class was silent for a few moments, but then one of the dumber kids stood up. "Um, do we still have to have a good weekend?" he asked.
Saruman vaporized him and then turned to the rest of your class. "Now listen up!" he ordered. "We will NOT be learning about the Feudal Age anymore- your Earth is weak and pathetic. Instead we will be learning about the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd ages of Middle-Earth, and if anyone wishes to learn about his or her own history, they can go learn from Mr. Ragan at the Morgue.
"Actually," said Mr. Ragan from outside, "I'm not quite dead."
Saruman looked at the door with an annoyed expression. "Oh, well, you will be soon."
"I'm actually getting better," said Mr. Ragan.
Saruman looked furious. Turning to the class, he asked, "Could some one please go outside and finish the job?"
Several students raised their hands. "Oh, how about- Ph- Ph- Ph- oh, never mind, John can do it," said the wizard.
John went outside and the class leaned in to hear what he was doing:
"Oh, John, it's you, thank goodness. Listen, buddy, can you snap that back in place. Ohh, that feels nice. Ooh! Ooh! Stop it John, that tickles!"
The class shuddered. One kid leaned over and vomited.
"Wait, John, what the heck are you doing? What- no, no, don't touch that! Please, John- AGHPUKCI! What the @#$%?"
John walked into the classroom holding Mr. Ragan's kidney. "His death'll be slow and painful, don't you worry Mr. White!" he said cheerfully to Saruman.
Saruman chuckled, and then the bell rang.