FIVE
Saruman walked into his math class and sat down in his seat, right in the front. Mr. Mele was walking around mumbling something, and the 6th grader in back of the wizard was screaming "Pheow! Pheow! Two direct hits for Spaceman Spiff!" Yet another sign that today's generation needs to cut back on those sugary drinks.
After an age or two, the bell rang and Mr. Mele walked over to the board. "Now, class," he said, "as you can clearly see I've tripled your homework for tonight because my wife left me. I can't get a court to take my case, so I'll take it out on you guys."
The class was silent, shocked. Way in the back of the room, one kid sneezed.
"QUIET!" bellowed Mr. Mele. "ALL YOU EVER DO IS TALK, TALK, TALK, AND TALK! LEARN SOME MATH AND YOU'LL TURN OUT LIKE ME!"
Saruman raised his hand. "Are you sure that we want that?" he asked.
Mr. Mele's face turned purple. "YES, I'M SURE!"
Saruman stood up. "Well, I don't want to turn out like you. You're evil, conniving, give too much homework, and smell funny!"
"OH, NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!" Mr. Mele yelled. Grabbing a ruler, he brandished it at Saruman. "Touché!"
Saruman seized his own ruler and in a flash he and the teacher were flying around the room, whacking at each other as if possessed. Finally, Mr. Mele disarmed Saruman with a flick of his wrist and sent the wizard's weapon flying across the room.
Saruman tried to back away, his opponent's ruler at his throat. "Now it's time for you to die," Mr. Mele said, raising his ruler.
Saruman ducked down, grabbed a compass, and threw it ninja-star style at Mr. Mele. The point landed with a thud in the teacher's head. Mr. Mele's eyes crossed as he looked at the compass. "Nice parry," he said, collapsing to the ground.
The class grouped around his body. One of them looked at Saruman. "You killed him!"
Saruman looked nervous. "No, no, he's just sleeping," he said, poking Mr. Mele with his ruler. "Sleeping in ketchup."
Suddenly a chuckle from the back of the room drew everyone's thoughts away from Mr. Mele. The class turned to see the 6th grader that sat in back of Saruman holding a rifle, giggling, "I'm Spaceman Spiff, and all of you are going to die!"
Saruman ducked down as 'Spiff' fired. One kid fell, and instantly panic broke out. Saruman quickly cast a spell that turned the kid with the rifle into a duck. "Quack!" the duck yelled, firing again. "Fuquak!"
Now Saruman ran to the door, opening it. "So long, suckers!" he yelled, running out- straight into the vice principal, Mr. Easton.
"What is going on around here!" Mr. Easton yelled. "I come in hear to talk with Mr. Mele and I find out that he's dead, along with two students and some freak in a white dress!"
"ROBE!" Saruman yelled at the top of his lungs. "It's a damn robe, okay? Not a dress, not a skirt, I didn't buy it in Paris, it's not a designer, it's a robe, alright?"
"Well, it does look like a dress," said Mr. Easton.
"YARRG!" screamed Saruman. Mr. Easton turned into a turtle.
"Use. your. indoor. voice." the turtle said slowly. It turned and tried wearily to waddle out of the classroom.
Suddenly another shot from the duck broke the silence in the room. "Quack, quack quack!" the duck yelled, indicating that the class should go to the middle of the room. "Quack!"
Suddenly the bell rang and the duck was so startled it shot itself. Hurridly, the class left math.
Saruman walked into his math class and sat down in his seat, right in the front. Mr. Mele was walking around mumbling something, and the 6th grader in back of the wizard was screaming "Pheow! Pheow! Two direct hits for Spaceman Spiff!" Yet another sign that today's generation needs to cut back on those sugary drinks.
After an age or two, the bell rang and Mr. Mele walked over to the board. "Now, class," he said, "as you can clearly see I've tripled your homework for tonight because my wife left me. I can't get a court to take my case, so I'll take it out on you guys."
The class was silent, shocked. Way in the back of the room, one kid sneezed.
"QUIET!" bellowed Mr. Mele. "ALL YOU EVER DO IS TALK, TALK, TALK, AND TALK! LEARN SOME MATH AND YOU'LL TURN OUT LIKE ME!"
Saruman raised his hand. "Are you sure that we want that?" he asked.
Mr. Mele's face turned purple. "YES, I'M SURE!"
Saruman stood up. "Well, I don't want to turn out like you. You're evil, conniving, give too much homework, and smell funny!"
"OH, NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!" Mr. Mele yelled. Grabbing a ruler, he brandished it at Saruman. "Touché!"
Saruman seized his own ruler and in a flash he and the teacher were flying around the room, whacking at each other as if possessed. Finally, Mr. Mele disarmed Saruman with a flick of his wrist and sent the wizard's weapon flying across the room.
Saruman tried to back away, his opponent's ruler at his throat. "Now it's time for you to die," Mr. Mele said, raising his ruler.
Saruman ducked down, grabbed a compass, and threw it ninja-star style at Mr. Mele. The point landed with a thud in the teacher's head. Mr. Mele's eyes crossed as he looked at the compass. "Nice parry," he said, collapsing to the ground.
The class grouped around his body. One of them looked at Saruman. "You killed him!"
Saruman looked nervous. "No, no, he's just sleeping," he said, poking Mr. Mele with his ruler. "Sleeping in ketchup."
Suddenly a chuckle from the back of the room drew everyone's thoughts away from Mr. Mele. The class turned to see the 6th grader that sat in back of Saruman holding a rifle, giggling, "I'm Spaceman Spiff, and all of you are going to die!"
Saruman ducked down as 'Spiff' fired. One kid fell, and instantly panic broke out. Saruman quickly cast a spell that turned the kid with the rifle into a duck. "Quack!" the duck yelled, firing again. "Fuquak!"
Now Saruman ran to the door, opening it. "So long, suckers!" he yelled, running out- straight into the vice principal, Mr. Easton.
"What is going on around here!" Mr. Easton yelled. "I come in hear to talk with Mr. Mele and I find out that he's dead, along with two students and some freak in a white dress!"
"ROBE!" Saruman yelled at the top of his lungs. "It's a damn robe, okay? Not a dress, not a skirt, I didn't buy it in Paris, it's not a designer, it's a robe, alright?"
"Well, it does look like a dress," said Mr. Easton.
"YARRG!" screamed Saruman. Mr. Easton turned into a turtle.
"Use. your. indoor. voice." the turtle said slowly. It turned and tried wearily to waddle out of the classroom.
Suddenly another shot from the duck broke the silence in the room. "Quack, quack quack!" the duck yelled, indicating that the class should go to the middle of the room. "Quack!"
Suddenly the bell rang and the duck was so startled it shot itself. Hurridly, the class left math.