Dear Diary,
Hi again. I'm depressed once more. I think that is what I am going to use you
for, ranting about all of my problems. I was on the IMQ (Instant Message Quill.
You have to buy them in a set, so whenever you write with one, the others write
the same thing.) trying to cheer Millie up. (she had
to repeat Transfig.3) It was her, Mandy, and me; and we were talking about
people who talk about you behind your back. Mandy starts talking about how
people have the decency to talk about me behind my back. She said that a lot of people do not like me and my "stupid comment self".
(She did not say, "stupid comment self", I could read through the lines) She
then said she had to go do a 120 centimeter essay, and left. I told Millie that
I thought that Mandy did not like me as much as she liked Millie, and Mill
agreed. (a mild slap in the face.) I got off the IMQ
with Millie because she had to go.
It made me feel like I have no reason to stay in this stupid school. I think that because I feel like I will not find any good quality friends, I should move on to the next best thing, quantity. I think deep down (maybe not that deep) no one really liked me. I chose the worst friends, and now I'm paying for it. My reasoning was that if I found friends from outcasts, they would prove to be the best type, because they weren't the same as most mindless drones. I didn't think I thought I would be labeled "OUTCAST (sorta)". Now I feel horrible, because all of my "friends" are jokes.
I wonder why I care so much about having friends. Isn't there some way to fix me, because there's something, obviously, wrong. Isn't there someone who can fix me? I wish there was. I want… I actually don't know what I want. Well, I know what I want, but most of its not possible. I want to talk to my Mother, and then Memory Charm her, so I can get some "wisdom" out of her without her thinking something is wrong.
I just might…
Yours
truly,
Blaise Zabini