They rolled ungracefully onto Platform 9 ¾. If they hadn't been invisible to the surrounding characters, the humiliation would have been very great.

"So first we have to go through the story and rate the level of offense. If it's really bad, we have to try to get it off the web. Have you done this before?" Lein asked Cora.

"Not really. I went with Roger Devon on a light, fluffy one-shot, but that hardly counts. Do you know Roger?" she asked, looking Lein straight in the eye with her somewhat creepy, large eyes.

"I've worked with him a few times, yes," she said, but she wasn't paying much attention to the conversation. Her eyes turned to three sixteen year old friends who were having a joyous reunion, "Mute," she muttered. Suddenly the hustle and bustle of the train station ceased to be heard, though it continued on as usual. The only noises were the voices of Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Cora and Lein walked closer and studied the trio as they made pointless small talk about their summers. Lein didn't like what she saw.

"Cora," she said, "What do you notice that's out of place? Do you see anything different from canon?"

"Several things," said Cora, "Harry's muscles, for one thing. Contrary to popular belief, Quidditch does not give the players anything except a tough bum. And Hermione's tank top just screams 'OOC,' but what were we expecting? Ron's hair is forgivable, but does it have to be all spiked up like that?"

"Good," said Lein, "Write this all down. Also, where is their luggage? Dumb author to forget critical detail!" She sighed as the scene changed from the train station to inside the train, "Script!" she muttered and a booklet of the story appeared in her hand. She began to read through it as it actually took place in front of her eyes.

"So how have you been Harry?" Hermione asked anxiously, "In your letters you sounded so sad!"

"We are in sad times," he said, "Who knows how long everyone will live?"

This statement struck Hermione hard. She knew she might not live past this year. Maybe it was time for her to really live, without thought to her future. Because she might not have a future. This thought made tears come to her eyes. She didn't want Harry or Ron to see them, so she excused herself under the pretense of going to the loo.

She found an empty compartment and buried her face in the seat to cry. After only a minute or so, the door slid open. She thought it was Harry or Ron, but it wasn't.

It was Draco Malfoy. He came up behind her and put an arm on her shoulder.

"Don't cry," he said kindly.

Soon she was spilling out all her problems to the boy she used to hate. He was a good listener and seemed more understanding than Harry or Ron.

"Yeah right," Lein muttered. Before even two minutes had passed, Draco and Hermione were kissing.

"I'm too young for this," Cora moaned.

"They're only kissing!"

"More like eating each other," she said.

"Fine, we'll fast forward," Lein said, "Onward!" The scene changed to the Great Hall. They were all seated watching the First Years get sorted.

"Yellow, Barley," McGonagall called out.

"Hufflepuff!"

"Zyzzyva, Catherine."

"Slytherin!"

Then Dumbledore stood up, "Lastly, we have two new students this year! They are exchange students from America! Amonelleia-Estelle Gryffinveela and Helenella-Fireviperdragoneyesoftiger Quyllyialla Weareslutmarysues, please come up to the front!"

Two girls that Harry had not noticed before stood up ("Not likely," Lein said). In a word, they were both gorgeous. They were twins, but were very different.

Amonelleia-Estelle Gryffinveela had blondish-red hair cascading down her elegant back. It fell in soft waves and shimmered when she moved. Her eyes were a deep forest green with flecks of orangey-purple, though they occasionally changed to shiny, sparkling peachy-bluish-mauve or golden- pinky-black with a shimmer of lime.

Helenella Fireviperdragoneyesoftiger Quyllyialla had hair dark as night. Her skin was pale and it shone like moonbeams in midwinter. Her eyes were deep pools of darkness that seemed to see right through you into your soul. They were purpley-bluish-orange-pinkish-black, though they sometimes changed to a light golden-blue-red when she was in a good mood.

Both sisters were perfectly proportioned. Everyone's head turned to them as the walked up to the front, even the girls and professors.

"This makes me sick," muttered Lein, "TWO Mary Sues! Give me a break! This story definitely needs to be busted."

"Weareslutmarysues, Amonelleia-Estelle Gryffinveela!" McGonagall called.

The hat was placed gently on her lovely head.

"Difficult," the hat said, "You are loyal, smart, brave, and cunning! I've never met someone as multi-talented as you! I suppose I will put you in Gryffindor! No other house is good enough for you!"

The Gryffindors cheered so loudly that Lein and Cora had to take a step back.

"Weareslutmarysues, Helenella Fireviperdragoneyesoftiger Quyllyialla," McGonagall called. Everyone leaned forward and crossed their fingers, hoping that their house would be the one to receive such a gorgeous girl.

"Oh, there's no doubt about you!" said the hat into Helenella's ear, "You're pure evil! Slytherin it is for you!"

Slytherin cheered, but everyone else was surprised that someone so beautiful would go into Slytherin.

"Hey!" said Lein, "My sister was in Slytherin. They're not all evil."

Cora took out the notebook and wrote: "Falls into common misconceptions and stereotypes."

The rest of the great hall scene was spent describing the boring, un- witty conversations of the Gryffindors with Amonelleia-Estelle and the flirtatious glances between A-E and Harry.

"This is killing me," Lein said, "On to the next chapter!"

Will the next chapter be as bad as the last? Will the story pass or fail? What outrageous love triangles and characters will appear next? Wait and see. . .

A/N-REVIEW!!!!!!! Does this bore you? Interest you? Touch a nerve? Make you want to stab me with a spoon? TELL ME!