Chapter 9 Uncertainty
He watched them running back and forth with the ball, playing with pure delight. Their faces young and vibrant. Full of energy and confidence, they ran. They played for the fun of it, pure and simple. And they played well.
A shrill gust of wind hit him and he shivered a little, as he sat on the bench watching them play with pure fascination. He remembered when he played like that, simply out of joy. He felt invincible then. Now, he felt uncertain. Would he ever play again the way he used to?
Philip was shaken from his thoughts by a voice, a familiar one.
"Philip? What you doing out here now, huh? Shouldn't you be at football practice?" Brady questioned his Uncle, surprised to see him.
Philip stared at his nephew, equally surprised to see him. Boy, Salem was one small town. He moved over a little on the bench he was sitting on to make room for Brady. He wasn't sure what to say next. He supposed the truth would be a good thing. It was just that he wasn't sure anymore how to talk to him. It had been so easy when they were kids. But now...
For all he knew, Brady was already going out with Chloe. Yet he had pretty much saved his life. Philip went back and forth from wanting to hate him and being eternally grateful to him. Before he was even sure of what he was saying, he started to tell Brady about his day.
"I left early because I had to go see my doctor. I was hoping he would give me the go ahead to play our first game of the season, but he wants me to sit it out. He says I'm not strong enough yet. Sure, I'm strong enough to practice, but can't play in a game, you know? Says it might be too much for me."
"Philip-"
"I've been playing as long as I can remember. Like these kids here!" Philip directed his attention to the young boys playing football. He had been sitting there watching them ever since he had walked to the park from his appointment. "I've always enjoyed practice and scored touchdown after touchdown, but now...I mean this is my senior year. I was looking forward to being captain of the team, but now I'll be lucky if I don't get kicked off the team! WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS? WHAT DO YOU CARE?" Philip didn't care that he was yelling. He had been so upset since his doctor had told him the news and he had felt like he would explode. Well now, he had. At Brady, nonetheless. He abruptly got up off the bench, angrily kicking at the dirt on the ground and then just stood still, his back to Brady.
Brady walked up to Philip. He had heard his Uncle's frustration and the truth was he did understand some of what Philip was feeling. He also knew that things weren't that great between the two of them. And that fact just was not sitting well with Brady. Finding Philip, close to death had made Brady remember how close they used to be. He had been surprised to realize he actually missed that closeness. However, things were very complicated. There was Chloe...There was himself...And there was Philip...What was that saying...Oh what a tangled web we weave...There was more to it. But that was pretty much what it was like. It was as if all three of them were caught up in this web full of tangles. Maybe someday, it would be resolved, but for now Philip and Chloe simply avoided each other and Brady felt himself caught up in the middle. He knew they couldn't go on like this. One of these days, they were going to have to face each other and talk about it. For now though, Brady would try to help Philip.
"That's it Philip! Get angry! Yell, shout, whatever you have to do. Just don't give up! If you want to play football the way you used to then make it happen!"
Philip's laugh sounded caustic. "Make it happen? That the best you can do Brady? What? You now an inspirational cheerleader Brady? Is that it?" Philip turned around and stared at his nephew with cold eyes.
"Okay, Phil. Maybe I better just let you wallow in your self pity alone, huh?" With that, an irate Brady started to leave.
Philip didn't know what was wrong with him anymore. Brady was right. Even though it was hard to believe. He told himself he was going to stop dwelling on his problems and here he was doing it. He was feeling sorry for himself...
Philip caught Brady's arm. "I'm sorry."
"Philip, you don't have to be. Look...when I was paralyzed the one thing I missed more than anything was being able to run and pass a football, you know? I hated not being able to use my legs."
"Brady-"
"Look, I'm not saying this because I want you to get all weepy or anything. I just don't want you to give up. I remember I had to go through hours of physical therapy and it was TOUGH, but I wanted to walk so badly again that I didn't think about the pain or how hard it was going to be. I just kept fighting and fighting. And that's what you have to do Phil, fight. Just like when you fought for your life."
"Brady, I feel like a fool. Here I am making a big deal about not being able to play football the same and you had to deal with not being able to move your legs. You had to go through all that physical therapy. And I just lay in a hospital bed for a while and then before I knew it I was up and about...not as energetic as I used to be but at least I could walk and run. Everything I'm going through is just so trivial." Philip hung his head in shame.
"It's not trivial. Before you were lying in that hospital bed you had to survive on an island without even being able to stand up!" Brady responded to Philip's pained expression. He was probably remembering.
"Yeah, I guess we've both had to face our own hardships." Philip went on, feeling the need to talk. "I'm just so tired after each practice. It's such an uphill battle. And it's not that I want to give up. I mean I wanted to play this upcoming game so badly, Brady. I just wonder when it's going to get better. I want to be captain of the team and scoring touchdowns again." It was true that Philip did want this. However, what surprised him and what he didn't tell Brady was that football was not as important to him as it used to be. His grades were starting to take top priority in his life along with the importance of his family and his REAL friends. It was as if he overcame his difficulties with playing football and his temporary physical limitations, he could move on...
"I guess I'll just keep going to practice and keep fighting to get back into shape so I can play better. Like I used to." Philip let out a small smile.
"I have no doubt you'll be playing great again Phil and leading the team with your winning touch downs," Brady said with conviction. "Hey, how about a little one on one this Sunday? What do you think, Phil? You up to it?"
Philip felt his confidence coming back. "Maybe you should be asking yourself that, Brady. I mean, out of shape or not, I bet I can still beat you!" He laughed to show Brady he was joking...at least, partly.
Brady laughed also. "You're on Phil. Just remember, I'm bigger, faster and stronger than you."
"Yeah, well you're right on the first one. The other two we'll just have to see, huh?"
"Sounds good, Phil. Well, gotta go. I'll catch you later." Brady turned to go.
However, Phil stopped him again. "Brady..."
Brady turned back. "Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"Sure. Just don't think I'm going to be this INSPIRATIONAL on Sunday."
Philip smiled. "Wasn't counting on it. Later Brady."
"Later Phil." And with that this time Brady left, leaving Philip alone with his thoughts.
The Start of Something More
Chapter 10: Closeness
Mimi waited outside for Philip. It was another one of those windy fall days. Cold gusts of wind blew, causing her to pull her coat tighter around her. She was wearing a chocolate colored coat with an orange colored blouse and a fall patterned skirt with dark brown boots. She sat on a bench outside Salem High, hoping Philip would come soon. She was feeling very cold and very anxious.
Finally, she saw him come out of the front doors, also looking anxious. She felt a sudden sense of warmth wash over her as he spotted her and smiled. She also felt some concern though as he got closer to her. He was hiding it pretty well, but something seemed to be bothering him. She wondered what it was as she got up from the bench.
Philip walked up to Mimi. "Whoa, it's windy out here! How long have you been waiting?"
"Not too long." Mimi looked at him. He was wearing black jeans, a striped sweater in dark shades, black boots and a black jacket. Mimi opened up her backpack and took out a folder. She looked up at Philip expectantly.
Philip followed suit by opening up his own backpack and taking out his binder. He looked down at Mimi's expectant face. "Ready?" He asked her.
"I guess so. To Philip's look of disapproval, Mimi changed her answer. "Yes, I'm ready." She said with a little more conviction.
Philip decided it would have to do. After all, he was nervous too, just trying not to show it. He handed her his binder as she handed him her folder. They opened them up simultaneously and pulled out some papers.
"You first." Mimi said nervously.
Philip grinned. "An 87!" He told her jubilantly. "What did I get?" He asked impatiently.
Mimi grinned back. "An 86!" She said excitedly, but gasped as she felt herself flying around and around in circles. He had picked her up as soon as she had told him his score and spun her around in his arms twice. His whoop of delight made her laugh with glee and she held on tight enjoying their shared victory. Then he set her back down on her feet securely, surprising her a little with how carefully he did so.
When Philip heard Mimi tell him his score, he felt wild with happiness. All common sense went out the door as he spun her around easily. "WOO-HOO!" He yelled out spinning her around and around and then setting her down carefully, listening to her laugh along with him.
"Meems, we did it! We passed! We did better than that! Next time, I bet we'll do even better! We have to celebrate!"
Mimi laughed more. He was smiling like the Cheshire cat. And she felt that she must have a pretty big grin on her face too. Earlier during the day they had gotten their American Government tests back, but had been afraid to look at their grades. They agreed to open up each other's when they met to walk home together later. Now they were both thrilled with the results.
Suddenly, one of the strong gusts of wind blew, causing Mimi to involuntarily shiver.
"You cold?"
Philip moved forward and placed his hands on Mimi's upper arms rubbing them briskly.
She shivered again.
But this time not from the cold.
Still thinking it had to do more so with the weather, Philip looked down at her and smiled warmly, wrapping his arm around her.
"Come on. Let's get out of the cold."
***
Philip and Mimi were now sitting in the Brady Pub warming up with two hot chocolates and sharing a basket of fries to celebrate their success.
Mimi took a sip of her hot chocolate and looked at Philip sitting across from her. He looked relaxed and happy. She still could detect something wrong though as he ate another fry. She knew they were both happy and relieved about their test scores, but something just didn't seem right.
"So we make a pretty good team, huh, Phil? I mean, at studying together."
Philip looked at Mimi, smiling and took a sip of his hot chocolate before responding. "We make a GREAT team, Meems. And I definitely think this is something we should continue."
Mimi looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"
"I mean we should make this our new tradition. Studying a half hour before the test. Together of course. Let's just leave out the part where you run into me down the hallway." Philip snickered, giving Mimi a sly little glance. They hadn't teased each other like this for a while. He didn't realize how much he missed it.
"That was your fault. You should have been looking where you were going."
"You shouldn't have been running."
"Well if your eyes hadn't been glued to a book-"
"If you hadn't been using the hallway as your practice grounds for the next marathon-"
"If you hadn't-"
Mimi broke off giggling at how silly this had all become. Philip laughed along with her.
"We wouldn't have become study partners and aced our tests, right?"
He gave her a teasing little grin and without realizing it, reached for another fry at exactly the same time as she did.
Their hands met and they drew away quickly. Both had felt a new sensation that they had never felt with each other. Maybe something like it with other people, but not each other. They stared at each other shyly for a second and simultaneously reached for their hot chocolates and took one long hot scalding sip keeping their thoughts to themselves.
Mimi all of the sudden felt a little nervous. What had just happened? Her hand still tingled a little from his unexpected touch. She noticed he seemed to be avoiding her a little too. Was he nervous also?
No way. He probably was just thinking about more important things than her. Time to start up a new conversation. What could she talk about? Let's see.... Oh yeah!
"Connor had a great time on Saturday. He got along really well with Will and he said that it was a lot of fun."
Okay, what did she just say? Connor. She was talking about Connor. Something about how he had fun, right? Oh, and he got along with Will. Now, respond. Forget about when your hands touched. Forget about it. It was just a momentary thing. It meant nothing...
"Yeah, Will really liked Connor too. And he had a lot of fun. What about you, Mimi, did you have fun?"
Mimi smiled, carefully making sure no other hands were in the way this time and reached for a fry.
"Yeah, I had fun. Especially when I hit my magnificent hole in ones!"
"Yeah well, just wait till next time! My favorite part was getting back at those two little annoying brats on the bumper boats. Talk about a highlight of the day! And dancing on that crazy platform. We were doing pretty good there for awhile until the dance steps turned into the kind that only some MTV video dancer would know how to do." Philip laughed softly and carefully reached for his own fry.
"You just try to beat me at pee wee golf Phil. You may be the football team champion, but I'm the champ at pee wee golf!"
Mimi laughed, but felt it die as she noticed Philip's look when she mentioned football. It lasted only a second, but she knew now that that must be what was bothering him. What? Was he still having problems? Mimi thought of how he had helped her on Saturday. She had to say something to him about it. Maybe if she talked about how had had been there for her, she could get him to talk about what was bothering him.
"Seriously, Philip thank you for being there for me, you know, when I got upset about Connor. I'm sorry I started babbling on and on. I bet you got pretty bored listening to my problems about being homeless and everything..."
Mimi looked down for a minute, not sure what to say next.
Philip put down his hot chocolate abruptly and looked right at his friend. "Mimi, you don't have to thank me for being there. I'm glad I was. And nothing you said was boring. I'm glad you felt you could open up to me." He smiled at her.
"You know you can open up to me too, Philip?" Mimi looked at Philip pointedly.
"What?" Philip tried to act like there was nothing wrong.
"I know something's bothering you Philip. And I'm pretty sure it has to do with football. I'm right, aren't I?"
He said nothing, just looked away, fixing his eyes on the table.
"Look Philip. It wasn't easy for me to talk about Connor and being homeless, but I did because you asked me to and I felt...I felt comfortable with you. I would hope that you would feel comfortable enough with me too."
She wanted him to tell her what was bothering HIM?
This was new. When he had been going out with Chloe he had tried to keep his problems to himself. He opened up to her, but very little. He constantly made everything about her and how perfect she was. It was probably one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. Now a friend, a good one, but still, just a friend was asking him to open up to her. Should he? Could he?
He started tentatively, but as he went on, he realized how good he felt talking about it--and for some reason especially with Mimi. He never realized she was such a good listener.
"I...I had a doctor appointment yesterday. Our first game of the season is coming up and my doctor doesn't want me to play in it. He says I'm not ready yet. Mimi, I wanted to play in that game so badly. I wanted to prove that I could get out there, score touchdowns again, and lead the team to victory, but ...I'm watching the other guys play better than I do and I hate it! I know that sounds selfish, but I can't help it. I want to be the captain of the team. Now even during practice I tire so easily. I come home from each practice feeling exhausted. That never used to happen before..."
Mimi looked at Philip feeling his pain. If only she could say something to him to make him feel better.
"Philip, I wish I knew what to say. Just realize that it's going to get better. You're doctor doesn't want you to play because he doesn't want you to get too tired or even hurt! Practices are hard for you because...I don't think you ever realized this, but everything comes easy for you-"
"Wait a minute-"
"No, Philip! Let me finish. You excel at just about every sport and you have always played them effortlessly. I know. I've been to your games and watched you. When I played soccer, I gave it everything I had and it was hard work! But you, you just go and do any sport and it's like it's the easiest thing in the world." She stopped him from responding by holding up her hand and continued. "I'm not saying that you don't work hard because you do. I 'm just saying that it's never been a struggle for you and now it is. Well Philip, that's how it is for most people."
She looked at him. Did she say too much? She'd soon find out.
Philip just stared at her for a second then responded. "How did you know? I mean...you're right. I hate admitting it, but you're right. Sports have never been hard for me. It's always been like second nature. It was a given that I would be the captain of the football team this year. How conceited is that? But it's like all of my hopes and dreams for this year shattered into a million pieces after I got out of that cave. My whole life changed. Now playing football isn't fun. It's hard! And I don't like it. But I don't want to quit either. I refuse to. I'm going to be scoring those touchdowns again and be the captain of the team, even if it takes me all season. I will do it!"
"That's it Philip. That's the way I want to hear you talking. You're not a quitter. Now you're even doing better at school. We both are! That's something to be proud of isn't it?"
"You're right Mimi. It is. You know, I have to be honest. This year I find myself caring about more things than just football and sports. It's like it's not my number one thing anymore. Last year I was focusing so much on...well you know, someone else, but now I want...I want to do more with MY life. And getting better grades is the start of that."
"That's good Philip. It's not that you don't care about football anymore. It's just that you realize that there are other things too. You're trying to balance your life out more. Believe me, I know. I'm trying to do the same thing." Mimi smiled at him feeling such warmth from the way he smiled back at her.
"You know Mimi, only you would have put me in my place by saying those things you said..."
"I know! I know! I open my big mouth too much and just say stuff without even thinking-"
"No Mimi, what you said I needed to hear. And some other people have said similar things, but there's just something about when you say it. You hold nothing back. You're so straightforward. Thank you." He looked at her, his eyes full of gratitude."
Mimi was taken aback by his response. She wasn't sure what to say next. "Your welcome, I guess..."
Philip just smiled.
***
Philip and Mimi left the pub and walked over by the waterfront. The fog had settled, in a thick layer and they could barely see in front of them. However, when Mimi heard a ship coming and saw the lights, she quickly ran down the steps to the pier racing ahead of Philip. She heard him calling as he tried to catch up to her. She laughed gleefully as she ran down the steps straight into the arms......................
of a complete stranger.
"Well, well, well. What do we have here? Aren't you cute?"
Mimi took a step back fear racing through her. Who was this guy and why did he make her feel so apprehensive.
The wind moaned; she shivered.
Where was Philip?!
"You want to tell me your name, hmmm?" The stranger moved in close again, like a hawk circling its prey.
Mimi felt trapped The fog was so thick. She couldn't see anything hardly. In addition, this man was scaring her...Just the way he kept looking at her gave her the chills. She took two more steps back.......................
Right into Philip's chest. She gasped at first, surprised, not realizing who it was, but he comforted her with a soft whisper, making sure the stranger couldn't hear him.
"Shh. It's me, Meems."
She let out a relieved sigh feeling his warmth as he placed his hands on her shoulders holding her close against his chest protectively.
Philip looked warily at the strange man in front of him feeling very uneasy. Mimi had run in front of him down to the pier so quickly that it took him a minute to catch up with her. However, when he did, he was shocked to see her standing in the thick fog with some strange man looming in front of her. Philip hadn't liked the way the guy looked at all and he certainly hadn't liked the way he was looking at Mimi. He had quickly bounded down the steps and the moment his feet touched the bottom, Mimi shakily backed up to him. Philip spoke, defensively.
"No. She doesn't. Now why don't you get out of here." Philip's eyes were cold and his voice like ice as he stared at the stranger and kept a firm grasp of Mimi's shoulders. He could feel her shaking; he ran his hands lightly over her shoulders.
"What are you, her boyfriend? Why don't you let her answer?" The stranger leered at Mimi and she cringed. He looked her up and down, as is he were undressing her with his eyes.
Philip was starting to get a very bad feeling about this and from her trembling he could tell Mimi was absolutely terrified. They could leave, but Philip didn't even trust turning his back on this guy. He knew for sure though, that he didn't want this guy LOOKING at Mimi anymore.
He let go of Mimi's shoulders, but grasped her hand quickly, standing in front of her while holding her hand near his back.
Mimi wasn't sure if he wanted her to let go of his hand but as she tentatively started to withdraw her hand, Philip maintained his grasp on it giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"What we are is none of your damn business. And believe me she doesn't feel like talking to you, so why don't you just get lost before I call the cops." Philip brought out his cell phone with his free hand and started to push in the numbers.
"You probably know as well as I do that they patrol this area regularly so it won't take long for one to come. You got it?" Philip's voice had a hard edge to it in stark contrast to how gently he was holding Mimi's hand.
"Hey I was just being friendly. You didn't mind did you honey?"
The stranger tried to move away from Philip to get another look at Mimi, but Philip quickly moved with him while shielding Mimi, never letting go of her hand. His blood was starting to boil. In an icy voice he said, "LISTEN- "
"All right all right I'm going. But we will see each other again sweetie. You can count on that. And next time maybe your little boy friend won't be there-"
Philip had hit his limit. He let go of Mimi's hand, but made sure she was within his eyesight. Then he grabbed the stranger by the collar. "I SWEAR. IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP-"
Mimi grabbed at Philip's arm desperately. "Philip let go of him! It's not worth it." She looked at him, pleading. His eyes were so hard...
However, he let go and the stranger walked away, his laughter echoing through the thick fog. Mimi walked closer to the waterfront, hugging herself unable to stop herself from shivering as she thought fearfully about what had just happened.
Philip walked up to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He wished he could stop her shivering. However, he wasn't sure if hugging her was the right thing to do. His voice was soft and gentle, all of the hardness that he had spoken to the stranger with completely gone. "Mimi, are you okay? Did that jerk scare you?"
Then Philip didn't hesitate anymore. He took her into his arms holding her gently. "You're safe all right?"
Mimi sighed at the feel of Philip's arms around her. She did feel safe with him. "Yeah. I'm okay. That guy just really gave me the creeps. Especially what he said before he left."
Mimi trembled, remembering his words, feeling Philip's hands run up and down her back in reassurance.
But the truth was, Philip didn't like the guy's words or the way he had kept looking at her, like some sort of stalker. He shivered a little himself as he held her, feeling a sudden urgency to protect her.
To keep her safe.
He watched them running back and forth with the ball, playing with pure delight. Their faces young and vibrant. Full of energy and confidence, they ran. They played for the fun of it, pure and simple. And they played well.
A shrill gust of wind hit him and he shivered a little, as he sat on the bench watching them play with pure fascination. He remembered when he played like that, simply out of joy. He felt invincible then. Now, he felt uncertain. Would he ever play again the way he used to?
Philip was shaken from his thoughts by a voice, a familiar one.
"Philip? What you doing out here now, huh? Shouldn't you be at football practice?" Brady questioned his Uncle, surprised to see him.
Philip stared at his nephew, equally surprised to see him. Boy, Salem was one small town. He moved over a little on the bench he was sitting on to make room for Brady. He wasn't sure what to say next. He supposed the truth would be a good thing. It was just that he wasn't sure anymore how to talk to him. It had been so easy when they were kids. But now...
For all he knew, Brady was already going out with Chloe. Yet he had pretty much saved his life. Philip went back and forth from wanting to hate him and being eternally grateful to him. Before he was even sure of what he was saying, he started to tell Brady about his day.
"I left early because I had to go see my doctor. I was hoping he would give me the go ahead to play our first game of the season, but he wants me to sit it out. He says I'm not strong enough yet. Sure, I'm strong enough to practice, but can't play in a game, you know? Says it might be too much for me."
"Philip-"
"I've been playing as long as I can remember. Like these kids here!" Philip directed his attention to the young boys playing football. He had been sitting there watching them ever since he had walked to the park from his appointment. "I've always enjoyed practice and scored touchdown after touchdown, but now...I mean this is my senior year. I was looking forward to being captain of the team, but now I'll be lucky if I don't get kicked off the team! WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS? WHAT DO YOU CARE?" Philip didn't care that he was yelling. He had been so upset since his doctor had told him the news and he had felt like he would explode. Well now, he had. At Brady, nonetheless. He abruptly got up off the bench, angrily kicking at the dirt on the ground and then just stood still, his back to Brady.
Brady walked up to Philip. He had heard his Uncle's frustration and the truth was he did understand some of what Philip was feeling. He also knew that things weren't that great between the two of them. And that fact just was not sitting well with Brady. Finding Philip, close to death had made Brady remember how close they used to be. He had been surprised to realize he actually missed that closeness. However, things were very complicated. There was Chloe...There was himself...And there was Philip...What was that saying...Oh what a tangled web we weave...There was more to it. But that was pretty much what it was like. It was as if all three of them were caught up in this web full of tangles. Maybe someday, it would be resolved, but for now Philip and Chloe simply avoided each other and Brady felt himself caught up in the middle. He knew they couldn't go on like this. One of these days, they were going to have to face each other and talk about it. For now though, Brady would try to help Philip.
"That's it Philip! Get angry! Yell, shout, whatever you have to do. Just don't give up! If you want to play football the way you used to then make it happen!"
Philip's laugh sounded caustic. "Make it happen? That the best you can do Brady? What? You now an inspirational cheerleader Brady? Is that it?" Philip turned around and stared at his nephew with cold eyes.
"Okay, Phil. Maybe I better just let you wallow in your self pity alone, huh?" With that, an irate Brady started to leave.
Philip didn't know what was wrong with him anymore. Brady was right. Even though it was hard to believe. He told himself he was going to stop dwelling on his problems and here he was doing it. He was feeling sorry for himself...
Philip caught Brady's arm. "I'm sorry."
"Philip, you don't have to be. Look...when I was paralyzed the one thing I missed more than anything was being able to run and pass a football, you know? I hated not being able to use my legs."
"Brady-"
"Look, I'm not saying this because I want you to get all weepy or anything. I just don't want you to give up. I remember I had to go through hours of physical therapy and it was TOUGH, but I wanted to walk so badly again that I didn't think about the pain or how hard it was going to be. I just kept fighting and fighting. And that's what you have to do Phil, fight. Just like when you fought for your life."
"Brady, I feel like a fool. Here I am making a big deal about not being able to play football the same and you had to deal with not being able to move your legs. You had to go through all that physical therapy. And I just lay in a hospital bed for a while and then before I knew it I was up and about...not as energetic as I used to be but at least I could walk and run. Everything I'm going through is just so trivial." Philip hung his head in shame.
"It's not trivial. Before you were lying in that hospital bed you had to survive on an island without even being able to stand up!" Brady responded to Philip's pained expression. He was probably remembering.
"Yeah, I guess we've both had to face our own hardships." Philip went on, feeling the need to talk. "I'm just so tired after each practice. It's such an uphill battle. And it's not that I want to give up. I mean I wanted to play this upcoming game so badly, Brady. I just wonder when it's going to get better. I want to be captain of the team and scoring touchdowns again." It was true that Philip did want this. However, what surprised him and what he didn't tell Brady was that football was not as important to him as it used to be. His grades were starting to take top priority in his life along with the importance of his family and his REAL friends. It was as if he overcame his difficulties with playing football and his temporary physical limitations, he could move on...
"I guess I'll just keep going to practice and keep fighting to get back into shape so I can play better. Like I used to." Philip let out a small smile.
"I have no doubt you'll be playing great again Phil and leading the team with your winning touch downs," Brady said with conviction. "Hey, how about a little one on one this Sunday? What do you think, Phil? You up to it?"
Philip felt his confidence coming back. "Maybe you should be asking yourself that, Brady. I mean, out of shape or not, I bet I can still beat you!" He laughed to show Brady he was joking...at least, partly.
Brady laughed also. "You're on Phil. Just remember, I'm bigger, faster and stronger than you."
"Yeah, well you're right on the first one. The other two we'll just have to see, huh?"
"Sounds good, Phil. Well, gotta go. I'll catch you later." Brady turned to go.
However, Phil stopped him again. "Brady..."
Brady turned back. "Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"Sure. Just don't think I'm going to be this INSPIRATIONAL on Sunday."
Philip smiled. "Wasn't counting on it. Later Brady."
"Later Phil." And with that this time Brady left, leaving Philip alone with his thoughts.
The Start of Something More
Chapter 10: Closeness
Mimi waited outside for Philip. It was another one of those windy fall days. Cold gusts of wind blew, causing her to pull her coat tighter around her. She was wearing a chocolate colored coat with an orange colored blouse and a fall patterned skirt with dark brown boots. She sat on a bench outside Salem High, hoping Philip would come soon. She was feeling very cold and very anxious.
Finally, she saw him come out of the front doors, also looking anxious. She felt a sudden sense of warmth wash over her as he spotted her and smiled. She also felt some concern though as he got closer to her. He was hiding it pretty well, but something seemed to be bothering him. She wondered what it was as she got up from the bench.
Philip walked up to Mimi. "Whoa, it's windy out here! How long have you been waiting?"
"Not too long." Mimi looked at him. He was wearing black jeans, a striped sweater in dark shades, black boots and a black jacket. Mimi opened up her backpack and took out a folder. She looked up at Philip expectantly.
Philip followed suit by opening up his own backpack and taking out his binder. He looked down at Mimi's expectant face. "Ready?" He asked her.
"I guess so. To Philip's look of disapproval, Mimi changed her answer. "Yes, I'm ready." She said with a little more conviction.
Philip decided it would have to do. After all, he was nervous too, just trying not to show it. He handed her his binder as she handed him her folder. They opened them up simultaneously and pulled out some papers.
"You first." Mimi said nervously.
Philip grinned. "An 87!" He told her jubilantly. "What did I get?" He asked impatiently.
Mimi grinned back. "An 86!" She said excitedly, but gasped as she felt herself flying around and around in circles. He had picked her up as soon as she had told him his score and spun her around in his arms twice. His whoop of delight made her laugh with glee and she held on tight enjoying their shared victory. Then he set her back down on her feet securely, surprising her a little with how carefully he did so.
When Philip heard Mimi tell him his score, he felt wild with happiness. All common sense went out the door as he spun her around easily. "WOO-HOO!" He yelled out spinning her around and around and then setting her down carefully, listening to her laugh along with him.
"Meems, we did it! We passed! We did better than that! Next time, I bet we'll do even better! We have to celebrate!"
Mimi laughed more. He was smiling like the Cheshire cat. And she felt that she must have a pretty big grin on her face too. Earlier during the day they had gotten their American Government tests back, but had been afraid to look at their grades. They agreed to open up each other's when they met to walk home together later. Now they were both thrilled with the results.
Suddenly, one of the strong gusts of wind blew, causing Mimi to involuntarily shiver.
"You cold?"
Philip moved forward and placed his hands on Mimi's upper arms rubbing them briskly.
She shivered again.
But this time not from the cold.
Still thinking it had to do more so with the weather, Philip looked down at her and smiled warmly, wrapping his arm around her.
"Come on. Let's get out of the cold."
***
Philip and Mimi were now sitting in the Brady Pub warming up with two hot chocolates and sharing a basket of fries to celebrate their success.
Mimi took a sip of her hot chocolate and looked at Philip sitting across from her. He looked relaxed and happy. She still could detect something wrong though as he ate another fry. She knew they were both happy and relieved about their test scores, but something just didn't seem right.
"So we make a pretty good team, huh, Phil? I mean, at studying together."
Philip looked at Mimi, smiling and took a sip of his hot chocolate before responding. "We make a GREAT team, Meems. And I definitely think this is something we should continue."
Mimi looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"
"I mean we should make this our new tradition. Studying a half hour before the test. Together of course. Let's just leave out the part where you run into me down the hallway." Philip snickered, giving Mimi a sly little glance. They hadn't teased each other like this for a while. He didn't realize how much he missed it.
"That was your fault. You should have been looking where you were going."
"You shouldn't have been running."
"Well if your eyes hadn't been glued to a book-"
"If you hadn't been using the hallway as your practice grounds for the next marathon-"
"If you hadn't-"
Mimi broke off giggling at how silly this had all become. Philip laughed along with her.
"We wouldn't have become study partners and aced our tests, right?"
He gave her a teasing little grin and without realizing it, reached for another fry at exactly the same time as she did.
Their hands met and they drew away quickly. Both had felt a new sensation that they had never felt with each other. Maybe something like it with other people, but not each other. They stared at each other shyly for a second and simultaneously reached for their hot chocolates and took one long hot scalding sip keeping their thoughts to themselves.
Mimi all of the sudden felt a little nervous. What had just happened? Her hand still tingled a little from his unexpected touch. She noticed he seemed to be avoiding her a little too. Was he nervous also?
No way. He probably was just thinking about more important things than her. Time to start up a new conversation. What could she talk about? Let's see.... Oh yeah!
"Connor had a great time on Saturday. He got along really well with Will and he said that it was a lot of fun."
Okay, what did she just say? Connor. She was talking about Connor. Something about how he had fun, right? Oh, and he got along with Will. Now, respond. Forget about when your hands touched. Forget about it. It was just a momentary thing. It meant nothing...
"Yeah, Will really liked Connor too. And he had a lot of fun. What about you, Mimi, did you have fun?"
Mimi smiled, carefully making sure no other hands were in the way this time and reached for a fry.
"Yeah, I had fun. Especially when I hit my magnificent hole in ones!"
"Yeah well, just wait till next time! My favorite part was getting back at those two little annoying brats on the bumper boats. Talk about a highlight of the day! And dancing on that crazy platform. We were doing pretty good there for awhile until the dance steps turned into the kind that only some MTV video dancer would know how to do." Philip laughed softly and carefully reached for his own fry.
"You just try to beat me at pee wee golf Phil. You may be the football team champion, but I'm the champ at pee wee golf!"
Mimi laughed, but felt it die as she noticed Philip's look when she mentioned football. It lasted only a second, but she knew now that that must be what was bothering him. What? Was he still having problems? Mimi thought of how he had helped her on Saturday. She had to say something to him about it. Maybe if she talked about how had had been there for her, she could get him to talk about what was bothering him.
"Seriously, Philip thank you for being there for me, you know, when I got upset about Connor. I'm sorry I started babbling on and on. I bet you got pretty bored listening to my problems about being homeless and everything..."
Mimi looked down for a minute, not sure what to say next.
Philip put down his hot chocolate abruptly and looked right at his friend. "Mimi, you don't have to thank me for being there. I'm glad I was. And nothing you said was boring. I'm glad you felt you could open up to me." He smiled at her.
"You know you can open up to me too, Philip?" Mimi looked at Philip pointedly.
"What?" Philip tried to act like there was nothing wrong.
"I know something's bothering you Philip. And I'm pretty sure it has to do with football. I'm right, aren't I?"
He said nothing, just looked away, fixing his eyes on the table.
"Look Philip. It wasn't easy for me to talk about Connor and being homeless, but I did because you asked me to and I felt...I felt comfortable with you. I would hope that you would feel comfortable enough with me too."
She wanted him to tell her what was bothering HIM?
This was new. When he had been going out with Chloe he had tried to keep his problems to himself. He opened up to her, but very little. He constantly made everything about her and how perfect she was. It was probably one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. Now a friend, a good one, but still, just a friend was asking him to open up to her. Should he? Could he?
He started tentatively, but as he went on, he realized how good he felt talking about it--and for some reason especially with Mimi. He never realized she was such a good listener.
"I...I had a doctor appointment yesterday. Our first game of the season is coming up and my doctor doesn't want me to play in it. He says I'm not ready yet. Mimi, I wanted to play in that game so badly. I wanted to prove that I could get out there, score touchdowns again, and lead the team to victory, but ...I'm watching the other guys play better than I do and I hate it! I know that sounds selfish, but I can't help it. I want to be the captain of the team. Now even during practice I tire so easily. I come home from each practice feeling exhausted. That never used to happen before..."
Mimi looked at Philip feeling his pain. If only she could say something to him to make him feel better.
"Philip, I wish I knew what to say. Just realize that it's going to get better. You're doctor doesn't want you to play because he doesn't want you to get too tired or even hurt! Practices are hard for you because...I don't think you ever realized this, but everything comes easy for you-"
"Wait a minute-"
"No, Philip! Let me finish. You excel at just about every sport and you have always played them effortlessly. I know. I've been to your games and watched you. When I played soccer, I gave it everything I had and it was hard work! But you, you just go and do any sport and it's like it's the easiest thing in the world." She stopped him from responding by holding up her hand and continued. "I'm not saying that you don't work hard because you do. I 'm just saying that it's never been a struggle for you and now it is. Well Philip, that's how it is for most people."
She looked at him. Did she say too much? She'd soon find out.
Philip just stared at her for a second then responded. "How did you know? I mean...you're right. I hate admitting it, but you're right. Sports have never been hard for me. It's always been like second nature. It was a given that I would be the captain of the football team this year. How conceited is that? But it's like all of my hopes and dreams for this year shattered into a million pieces after I got out of that cave. My whole life changed. Now playing football isn't fun. It's hard! And I don't like it. But I don't want to quit either. I refuse to. I'm going to be scoring those touchdowns again and be the captain of the team, even if it takes me all season. I will do it!"
"That's it Philip. That's the way I want to hear you talking. You're not a quitter. Now you're even doing better at school. We both are! That's something to be proud of isn't it?"
"You're right Mimi. It is. You know, I have to be honest. This year I find myself caring about more things than just football and sports. It's like it's not my number one thing anymore. Last year I was focusing so much on...well you know, someone else, but now I want...I want to do more with MY life. And getting better grades is the start of that."
"That's good Philip. It's not that you don't care about football anymore. It's just that you realize that there are other things too. You're trying to balance your life out more. Believe me, I know. I'm trying to do the same thing." Mimi smiled at him feeling such warmth from the way he smiled back at her.
"You know Mimi, only you would have put me in my place by saying those things you said..."
"I know! I know! I open my big mouth too much and just say stuff without even thinking-"
"No Mimi, what you said I needed to hear. And some other people have said similar things, but there's just something about when you say it. You hold nothing back. You're so straightforward. Thank you." He looked at her, his eyes full of gratitude."
Mimi was taken aback by his response. She wasn't sure what to say next. "Your welcome, I guess..."
Philip just smiled.
***
Philip and Mimi left the pub and walked over by the waterfront. The fog had settled, in a thick layer and they could barely see in front of them. However, when Mimi heard a ship coming and saw the lights, she quickly ran down the steps to the pier racing ahead of Philip. She heard him calling as he tried to catch up to her. She laughed gleefully as she ran down the steps straight into the arms......................
of a complete stranger.
"Well, well, well. What do we have here? Aren't you cute?"
Mimi took a step back fear racing through her. Who was this guy and why did he make her feel so apprehensive.
The wind moaned; she shivered.
Where was Philip?!
"You want to tell me your name, hmmm?" The stranger moved in close again, like a hawk circling its prey.
Mimi felt trapped The fog was so thick. She couldn't see anything hardly. In addition, this man was scaring her...Just the way he kept looking at her gave her the chills. She took two more steps back.......................
Right into Philip's chest. She gasped at first, surprised, not realizing who it was, but he comforted her with a soft whisper, making sure the stranger couldn't hear him.
"Shh. It's me, Meems."
She let out a relieved sigh feeling his warmth as he placed his hands on her shoulders holding her close against his chest protectively.
Philip looked warily at the strange man in front of him feeling very uneasy. Mimi had run in front of him down to the pier so quickly that it took him a minute to catch up with her. However, when he did, he was shocked to see her standing in the thick fog with some strange man looming in front of her. Philip hadn't liked the way the guy looked at all and he certainly hadn't liked the way he was looking at Mimi. He had quickly bounded down the steps and the moment his feet touched the bottom, Mimi shakily backed up to him. Philip spoke, defensively.
"No. She doesn't. Now why don't you get out of here." Philip's eyes were cold and his voice like ice as he stared at the stranger and kept a firm grasp of Mimi's shoulders. He could feel her shaking; he ran his hands lightly over her shoulders.
"What are you, her boyfriend? Why don't you let her answer?" The stranger leered at Mimi and she cringed. He looked her up and down, as is he were undressing her with his eyes.
Philip was starting to get a very bad feeling about this and from her trembling he could tell Mimi was absolutely terrified. They could leave, but Philip didn't even trust turning his back on this guy. He knew for sure though, that he didn't want this guy LOOKING at Mimi anymore.
He let go of Mimi's shoulders, but grasped her hand quickly, standing in front of her while holding her hand near his back.
Mimi wasn't sure if he wanted her to let go of his hand but as she tentatively started to withdraw her hand, Philip maintained his grasp on it giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"What we are is none of your damn business. And believe me she doesn't feel like talking to you, so why don't you just get lost before I call the cops." Philip brought out his cell phone with his free hand and started to push in the numbers.
"You probably know as well as I do that they patrol this area regularly so it won't take long for one to come. You got it?" Philip's voice had a hard edge to it in stark contrast to how gently he was holding Mimi's hand.
"Hey I was just being friendly. You didn't mind did you honey?"
The stranger tried to move away from Philip to get another look at Mimi, but Philip quickly moved with him while shielding Mimi, never letting go of her hand. His blood was starting to boil. In an icy voice he said, "LISTEN- "
"All right all right I'm going. But we will see each other again sweetie. You can count on that. And next time maybe your little boy friend won't be there-"
Philip had hit his limit. He let go of Mimi's hand, but made sure she was within his eyesight. Then he grabbed the stranger by the collar. "I SWEAR. IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP-"
Mimi grabbed at Philip's arm desperately. "Philip let go of him! It's not worth it." She looked at him, pleading. His eyes were so hard...
However, he let go and the stranger walked away, his laughter echoing through the thick fog. Mimi walked closer to the waterfront, hugging herself unable to stop herself from shivering as she thought fearfully about what had just happened.
Philip walked up to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He wished he could stop her shivering. However, he wasn't sure if hugging her was the right thing to do. His voice was soft and gentle, all of the hardness that he had spoken to the stranger with completely gone. "Mimi, are you okay? Did that jerk scare you?"
Then Philip didn't hesitate anymore. He took her into his arms holding her gently. "You're safe all right?"
Mimi sighed at the feel of Philip's arms around her. She did feel safe with him. "Yeah. I'm okay. That guy just really gave me the creeps. Especially what he said before he left."
Mimi trembled, remembering his words, feeling Philip's hands run up and down her back in reassurance.
But the truth was, Philip didn't like the guy's words or the way he had kept looking at her, like some sort of stalker. He shivered a little himself as he held her, feeling a sudden urgency to protect her.
To keep her safe.