Author's Notes: Okay first off, special thanks to Jennie, hyperpiper91, Catie, E, IDontWriteIJustRead, Kattybaby2318, Mandi, and anyone that reviewed but I didn't put down. I love you guys!!! I dont' know where this chapter is coming from, it's just a realization factor type chapter. I'm really tired so it's sort of short and sweet. And there is a conversation in here, but I didn't go into like complete detail with it, I just highlighted the main stuff. Okay just to clearify and answer questions. Carter didn't recognize Abby in the previous chapter because she had changed just a bit and he had only seen the back of her head, and short dark brown hair can definetley tell you alot right? And then the question of questions: is Carter the father? The answer: As much as I hate him for the jerk that he is for leaving Abby like that and that just terrible letter and all, yeah. I'm a Carby. I hope I didn't just completley disappoint anyone. Cause if I did, tell me and I'll start something especially for you... Okay I'm going now, really tired. Please keep up the reviews. they really motivate me to get these updates up. Thanks so much!!! Oh yeah, give me some ideas for the story also. Who do you think should find out first: Carter, Annette or John?
~*~
She walked out of John's room, shutting the door quietly behind her. It was only 9:30, and both were dead asleep. Must have been some day. It was day to remember for her. She stopped in her closet, opened a box she hadn't had time to unpack yet and took out a sweater. It was getting chilly, and the wind by the lake didn't help. She turned off the TV and headed out to the front balcony overlooking the lake. She pulled a pack of cigerretes out of her purse and took one out. She played with it in her hands. She hadn't smoked in years. Every time she would look at one, she would feel guilty, and throw the pack away. It was a habit she had acquired when she found out about the twins. She held the rolled up demon for a while, stuck it into her lips, ready to light. It was a comfort to feel it in its usual place. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't bring the lighter to the tip. She grabbed the thing out of her mouth. No she was stronger than that. She had made it so long without, she couldn't go back to her old habits now just because she was back home where everything had originally started. She dropped the thing off the 7th floor. Hopefully it wouldn't gain enough velocity to kill anyone. Although the prospect of hearing the news report would be funny. Death due to a falling pack of cigerrttes, up next... She laughed to herself. She leaned against the ledge, looking down at the people walking, scurring like little insects to their homes. After a few minutes, the cold began to settle into her bones, and she decided to go in. She would go flip through the bills and paperwork. Maybe even finish off the rest of her charts before she went to bed. She walked back into the warm room, closing and locking the door behind her. She walked towards the sofa and collapsed on it. Right when she had found a comfortable position on it, she heard a knocking at the door. Who in the world comes around at 10 pm? No one knew where she lived. Well, besides Michele, but she wouldn't tell anyone.
She lazily got off the cushions and headed over to her door. She didn't have a peephole, so who knew who was on the other side. But the security on the bottom floor was really great. They had both doors monitored, along with a log in sheet and cameras on every floor. She felt safe. They would have probably given her a call if someone was coming up anyway. It was probably one of the neighbors popping in to say hi. She had met the neighbor across the hall, but she had no clue who lived next to her. The people across the hall were newly married. He was a lawyer and she was an architect. She was also expecting. They looked cute together, maybe a bit naive, but they were okay. People she would be able to get along with. They wouldn't bother her too much, and she would keep out of their way as well. They had said there was a man living next door, somewhat rich, and extremely attractive. He wasn't married, but had a little "thing" attached to him every weekend or so. Sounded quite promising to her. Hopefully it was him so she could see who all this talk was about and get over it. She unlached the top lock, and turned the knobb.
"Susan?"
She stood in somewhat complete relief.
"Hey you!"
She looked happy and outright wired.
"What are you doing here? How did you get here? How the hell did you get to this floor?"
She saw the woman laugh.
"I told them I was your boss and needed to drop off some paperwork for tomorrow, which was partially true."
Paperwork? What paperwork? No more work. Please. No more work.
"How did you get my address?"
She saw her roll her eyes.
"Michele gave it to me. She was going to drop off the stuff herself, but I volunteered. Then she got pulled into a trauma, and she had no choice."
She was handed a stack of papers and manilla envelopes.
"Sorry we couldn't get this to you earlier, but its a study the ER is conducting and we're hoping it'll go okay since we really need the funding that will come in from it. Michele and I are in charge, but you are going to get alot of patients to evaluate using the standards. I'm sorry to throw this at you during your second week, but it's really important."
She listened intently as Susan explained the rest of the foundation and paperwork. Okay so it wasn't that bad. It only requied a few extra minutes per patient. She could do it. And she was glad she would be able to help. The ER needed funding badly. And anything that would do so, is like heaven sent. She listened to Susan while setting up two cups for coffee. And slowly the conversation trailed from the medical world to the personals section.
"So the twins are asleep?"
She nodded her head in response. She couldn't find the spoons, something that had been driving her insane since Erik set up the kitchen and didn't tell her what went where. Aha, she thought to herself. Found them.
"So... How? When?"
God, Susan, she thought. Do not even ask the how question. You should know pretty well yourself, hun.
"When I left."
She set the two cups of scalding coffee down on the table and pulled up a chair and sat down, looking at the woman sitting across from her.
"Do they know?"
Know what? That she ran away from her problems? That she's a completely different person than the superwoman they think she is? That she loves them more than life itself?
"They know their father isn' t a bad person, it just didn't work out between us. They understand that not everything is a fairy tale. But whether your asking if they know that John is their father? No. They don't. And they won't. Neither will he."
She spoke with a stern tone, almost forceful, as if trying to imply ultimate death if any of them found out.
"Abs, don't you think that they deserve to know?"
No. She didn't. She could have told them back in Boston, and it wouldn't have made a difference because they wouldn't be able to see him or talk to him. They wouldn't know him. All they would know is a name and create some visual and horrid thoughts. She didn't want that. He wasn't a horrible person, and she didn't have any hatred towards him. She just knew it wouldn't work. She didn't want any false hopes, nor did she want to create tears later in life.
"No. It wouldn't make a difference. I doubt they would even accept him... It's always been the three of us."
The three of them had grown so close, they were inseperable. They didn't need anyone else because they would always get through the worst together. It would be hard for them to even look at John as a father since he's never been in their lives before. She didn't want to add the stress to them, to herself, or to him.
"What about Carter? Don't you think he'll figure it out?"
Well the fact that she named her son John might be a dead giveaway but maybe he wouldn't realize. It was a common name. She didn't exactly know why she chose that name, maybe because she had thought John looked so much like Carter, or just because she needed something to remind her of what she was before.
"He might. But we aren't exactly on speaking terms yet."
That meeting in the lounge probably drained them of any energy they had saved up to deal with each other.
"Do you still love him?"
She gave her the death gaze. She had long given up any feelings she had for the man. She had accepted that it would never work. That it was only her and her kids. She didn't need him.
"No."
The word came out fast. Almost too fast. Like a reflex. And it suddenly became really tense. She became relieved when Susan began to stand up.
"I'd better be heading home. I need all the sleep I can get. I'll see you tomorrow."
She escorted the woman out through the door, waving a quick bye and a smile as she headed out. She closed the door and leaned against it. She suddenly felt a bit lightheaded and just tired out. She had felt fine a few minutes ago. It was probably the change of scenery and pace, yet she also knew a bit was because she got the butterflies back in her stomach. No. She didn't love him. What kind of question was that? It was over. It had been over a long time before he left for Africa. Before the letter. Before she disappeared. She stopped thinking about him. Her life went on without him. So what that she was still alone? She didn't exactly need anyone, and the few dates she had been on had been okay. She had even managed to hold a pretty stable relationship back in Boston with a surgeon. He had been sweet and great with the kids, but she had to break it off because of the move. She didn't want to torture him with a relationship that would be hard to handle over the miles. But Carter had all but disappeared from her life after she left. The only thing that reminded her of him was John, but he was growing out of Carter's habits. He looked like him, but even that began to change a bit too. So maybe she would be able to pull this off. She didn't need him as a friend. She just hoped they would be able to be on civil terms when they had to work together.
She pushed off the door, and headed towards the kitchen. She put the cups into the sink and turned off the light. She headed into her room to get read for bed. There she found Annette sleeping on her bed. When did she get there? Oh well. Maybe she was cold. Her room was much warmer. The thought that Nette had heard her conversation ran past her mind, but they had spoke pretty quietly so she probably didn't hear anything unless she was under the table or something. She changed into an oversized sweatshirt and some pj bottom and hopped into bed, turning off the light. She didnt' know what tomorrow would bring, but she knew that it would be the end with Susan. Nor with Carter.
~*~
She walked out of John's room, shutting the door quietly behind her. It was only 9:30, and both were dead asleep. Must have been some day. It was day to remember for her. She stopped in her closet, opened a box she hadn't had time to unpack yet and took out a sweater. It was getting chilly, and the wind by the lake didn't help. She turned off the TV and headed out to the front balcony overlooking the lake. She pulled a pack of cigerretes out of her purse and took one out. She played with it in her hands. She hadn't smoked in years. Every time she would look at one, she would feel guilty, and throw the pack away. It was a habit she had acquired when she found out about the twins. She held the rolled up demon for a while, stuck it into her lips, ready to light. It was a comfort to feel it in its usual place. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't bring the lighter to the tip. She grabbed the thing out of her mouth. No she was stronger than that. She had made it so long without, she couldn't go back to her old habits now just because she was back home where everything had originally started. She dropped the thing off the 7th floor. Hopefully it wouldn't gain enough velocity to kill anyone. Although the prospect of hearing the news report would be funny. Death due to a falling pack of cigerrttes, up next... She laughed to herself. She leaned against the ledge, looking down at the people walking, scurring like little insects to their homes. After a few minutes, the cold began to settle into her bones, and she decided to go in. She would go flip through the bills and paperwork. Maybe even finish off the rest of her charts before she went to bed. She walked back into the warm room, closing and locking the door behind her. She walked towards the sofa and collapsed on it. Right when she had found a comfortable position on it, she heard a knocking at the door. Who in the world comes around at 10 pm? No one knew where she lived. Well, besides Michele, but she wouldn't tell anyone.
She lazily got off the cushions and headed over to her door. She didn't have a peephole, so who knew who was on the other side. But the security on the bottom floor was really great. They had both doors monitored, along with a log in sheet and cameras on every floor. She felt safe. They would have probably given her a call if someone was coming up anyway. It was probably one of the neighbors popping in to say hi. She had met the neighbor across the hall, but she had no clue who lived next to her. The people across the hall were newly married. He was a lawyer and she was an architect. She was also expecting. They looked cute together, maybe a bit naive, but they were okay. People she would be able to get along with. They wouldn't bother her too much, and she would keep out of their way as well. They had said there was a man living next door, somewhat rich, and extremely attractive. He wasn't married, but had a little "thing" attached to him every weekend or so. Sounded quite promising to her. Hopefully it was him so she could see who all this talk was about and get over it. She unlached the top lock, and turned the knobb.
"Susan?"
She stood in somewhat complete relief.
"Hey you!"
She looked happy and outright wired.
"What are you doing here? How did you get here? How the hell did you get to this floor?"
She saw the woman laugh.
"I told them I was your boss and needed to drop off some paperwork for tomorrow, which was partially true."
Paperwork? What paperwork? No more work. Please. No more work.
"How did you get my address?"
She saw her roll her eyes.
"Michele gave it to me. She was going to drop off the stuff herself, but I volunteered. Then she got pulled into a trauma, and she had no choice."
She was handed a stack of papers and manilla envelopes.
"Sorry we couldn't get this to you earlier, but its a study the ER is conducting and we're hoping it'll go okay since we really need the funding that will come in from it. Michele and I are in charge, but you are going to get alot of patients to evaluate using the standards. I'm sorry to throw this at you during your second week, but it's really important."
She listened intently as Susan explained the rest of the foundation and paperwork. Okay so it wasn't that bad. It only requied a few extra minutes per patient. She could do it. And she was glad she would be able to help. The ER needed funding badly. And anything that would do so, is like heaven sent. She listened to Susan while setting up two cups for coffee. And slowly the conversation trailed from the medical world to the personals section.
"So the twins are asleep?"
She nodded her head in response. She couldn't find the spoons, something that had been driving her insane since Erik set up the kitchen and didn't tell her what went where. Aha, she thought to herself. Found them.
"So... How? When?"
God, Susan, she thought. Do not even ask the how question. You should know pretty well yourself, hun.
"When I left."
She set the two cups of scalding coffee down on the table and pulled up a chair and sat down, looking at the woman sitting across from her.
"Do they know?"
Know what? That she ran away from her problems? That she's a completely different person than the superwoman they think she is? That she loves them more than life itself?
"They know their father isn' t a bad person, it just didn't work out between us. They understand that not everything is a fairy tale. But whether your asking if they know that John is their father? No. They don't. And they won't. Neither will he."
She spoke with a stern tone, almost forceful, as if trying to imply ultimate death if any of them found out.
"Abs, don't you think that they deserve to know?"
No. She didn't. She could have told them back in Boston, and it wouldn't have made a difference because they wouldn't be able to see him or talk to him. They wouldn't know him. All they would know is a name and create some visual and horrid thoughts. She didn't want that. He wasn't a horrible person, and she didn't have any hatred towards him. She just knew it wouldn't work. She didn't want any false hopes, nor did she want to create tears later in life.
"No. It wouldn't make a difference. I doubt they would even accept him... It's always been the three of us."
The three of them had grown so close, they were inseperable. They didn't need anyone else because they would always get through the worst together. It would be hard for them to even look at John as a father since he's never been in their lives before. She didn't want to add the stress to them, to herself, or to him.
"What about Carter? Don't you think he'll figure it out?"
Well the fact that she named her son John might be a dead giveaway but maybe he wouldn't realize. It was a common name. She didn't exactly know why she chose that name, maybe because she had thought John looked so much like Carter, or just because she needed something to remind her of what she was before.
"He might. But we aren't exactly on speaking terms yet."
That meeting in the lounge probably drained them of any energy they had saved up to deal with each other.
"Do you still love him?"
She gave her the death gaze. She had long given up any feelings she had for the man. She had accepted that it would never work. That it was only her and her kids. She didn't need him.
"No."
The word came out fast. Almost too fast. Like a reflex. And it suddenly became really tense. She became relieved when Susan began to stand up.
"I'd better be heading home. I need all the sleep I can get. I'll see you tomorrow."
She escorted the woman out through the door, waving a quick bye and a smile as she headed out. She closed the door and leaned against it. She suddenly felt a bit lightheaded and just tired out. She had felt fine a few minutes ago. It was probably the change of scenery and pace, yet she also knew a bit was because she got the butterflies back in her stomach. No. She didn't love him. What kind of question was that? It was over. It had been over a long time before he left for Africa. Before the letter. Before she disappeared. She stopped thinking about him. Her life went on without him. So what that she was still alone? She didn't exactly need anyone, and the few dates she had been on had been okay. She had even managed to hold a pretty stable relationship back in Boston with a surgeon. He had been sweet and great with the kids, but she had to break it off because of the move. She didn't want to torture him with a relationship that would be hard to handle over the miles. But Carter had all but disappeared from her life after she left. The only thing that reminded her of him was John, but he was growing out of Carter's habits. He looked like him, but even that began to change a bit too. So maybe she would be able to pull this off. She didn't need him as a friend. She just hoped they would be able to be on civil terms when they had to work together.
She pushed off the door, and headed towards the kitchen. She put the cups into the sink and turned off the light. She headed into her room to get read for bed. There she found Annette sleeping on her bed. When did she get there? Oh well. Maybe she was cold. Her room was much warmer. The thought that Nette had heard her conversation ran past her mind, but they had spoke pretty quietly so she probably didn't hear anything unless she was under the table or something. She changed into an oversized sweatshirt and some pj bottom and hopped into bed, turning off the light. She didnt' know what tomorrow would bring, but she knew that it would be the end with Susan. Nor with Carter.