Author's notes: First off, thanks to Carby24/7, Kattybaby2318, CarbyLuv, Helen, and everyone else who reviewed. So this chapter is sort of short, in my opinion. I don't know if it's a good chapter. I just needed to get some things down on paper before I headed into anything major. So tell me what you think and if I'm going in the "right" direction, and if there is anything I can do to change it. I love reviews. And they don't always have to be good reviews either, if you hate something, tell me you hate it... I'm not going to get mad or hate you or curse you. I'm gonna try to realize why you don't like it, and work upon that. So get reading and writing! Thanks so much!
She walked out the door after getting Susan comfortable on her couch. Susan was feeling horrible, and after a quick mutual apology, she said she would cover Susan's shift if she stayed with John and Annette. John had gotten up and had already tortured Susan with his jokes. But they were getting along and she wasn't worried that they wouldn't have a good time. Annette was still in her room. She had told Susan what had happened and Susan promised to try to talk to her. She headed to the El, hoping to get to work fashionably on time. She was still extremely tired, since sleep didn't exactly present itself to her last night. She had stayed up thinking what to do, how to make this situation a bit better. But she couldn't think of anything that would work for all of them. If she moved away again, she would only hurt Annette and John. If she decided to stay, she would be torturing the three of them. If she let Carter into their lives it would ultimately only mean heartbreak and tears. And if she let herself let go, it would destory everything. It was a situation without an answer. She stood up, the train reaching County's block. She walked slowly, since she had about 10 minutes before the beginning of her shift. She was glad it was only a half-shift, and she was on tonight, so technically, she would be working 18 hours, but not consecutively. She would finish up Susan's, head home for something to eat and a break, and head back here. She had talked to Susan, and they had been able to work out something for the next few months, since she was probably going to take an early maternity leave, so Nette and John would be able to stay with Susan during some of her night shifts.
She walked inside, instantly being warmed up. The breeze from the lakefront only made the city colder by the hour. She threw her stuff into her locker and headed out to grab some patients, hoping to make the six hours go by. She didn't know who was on today, so it was hint of relief when she found out Michele and Luka were on. If they were both on, no unexpected confrontations. Well, at least until tonight. Maybe she would be able to weasel out of it? Probably not. She can't let her personal life affect her work life. She grabbed about ten charts and headed off.
After many consults, admits, discharges, and trauams, her six hours were over. She felt like a burden had been lifted off her shoulders. She was ready to pass out. Or at least grab about 4 hours of sleep. Or more. Or less. Depending on the situation at him. And all through the day she kept on thinking. She knew what she had to do. She knew what the right thing to do was. To pack up and leave. Distance herself from this place, now and forever. But she didn't know how she would be able to do that. It seemed easy 10 years ago. Just not now. What was the big difference between then and now?
She headed back to the El, and got on the first train that came. The ride seemed shorter than she remembered. She got off at her usual spot. Well usual in a sense. She walked down the stairs, the station looking better than she had realized. Well maybe because it had been rebuilt. Alot changes in ten years. And hopefully some things didn't. She reached the condo, walking up the stairs to the third floor. She hesitiated at first, but finally gained enough strength to knock. After a few minutes she heard bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor. The door slowly creaked open.
"Hi."
How original. What an introduction. Great going. She looked at him, she noticed she had probably woken him. He stood looking at her in a pair of sweatpants and a Cubs t-shirt. His hair was completely disasterous. But she couldn't read the expression on his face. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. He usual wore his emotions on his sleeve, but not today.
"Hey.."
She heard his voice come out hesitantly but with a pang of longing...?
"We need to talk."
She couldn't believe she was standing here, taking Susan's advice. She was such a hypocrite. But she needed to find out once and for all. She needed to know, for the sake of her children.
"Yeah..."
She stood in hallway for a minute, since she felt him absorbing her with his eyes. Soon enough he opened the door and escorted her in. She had to remember to act like a grown woman. She had to have this conversation. It was a matter or life or death, well almost. But she couldn't not let this be resolved. She had to keep her judgements to herself. She had to control what she wanted to say. She couldn't make herself a threat to him, because then they would never get anywhere.
"Do you want coffee or something?"
This sudden jolt of hospitality mildly shocked her. She nodded her head in response. A cup of coffee would be able a good idea. She would have something to play with instead of her hands. She noticed that once. That she played with her hands when she was nervous. He got back and placed the two cups on his coffee table. She mixed her usual sugar and creamer into the cup. She took a sip and put it back down. They were both hesitant to start. But she had to do what she had to do. She just had to remember she was here for Annette and John. No one else.
"Listen, I'm sorry.. You had a right to know."
She didn't exactly know why she was apologizing but it seemed right. And she did believe he had a right to know. But what would happen after he knew was completley up to him.
"Abs, they're my kids..."
So maybe she had chosen a good time to have this conversation. He seemed like he was really just zoned out and tired. His voice sounded like a little kids, whinning and begging.
"I just..."
She didn't know how to respond to his statements. Or questions. Or anything. She didn't realize how hard this might be.
"How could you keep them away from me?"
His voice started to grow more fierce, but it wasn't violent. It was just hurt.
"I didn't want them.. I didn't want them have their hearts broken.."
Her voice was now coming out as a whisper. She had orignally planned to keep it monotone. To try to save that element of not showing her emotions.
"You didn't give me a chance."
She didn't think he deserved a chance after what had happened between them.
"You left me. How was I supposed to think you wouldn't do the same to Nette and John..."
Her sentence ended in a whisper again. She had started out loudly, but always ended up in a whisper.
" I needed time, Abby. My grandmother had just died, and I was alone! You were too obsessed with helping your brother to realize I needed you. I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to suffer the same way I did."
She watched him pace to to the window, opening it slightly, and looking out at the city below.
"My brother was sick..."
Who knows what might have happened to him. He might of been dead now if she hadn't gone after him.
"It's not always about you."
Who knew such a simple statement could burn so much?
"I'm not here to talk about what happened between us. I'm here to ask what you want to do about Annette and John?"
It's the truth. She can't dwell on the past. She had to look forward to the future.
"I want to meet my children. I want to be part of their lives."
She knew that is what ultimately would happen. She began to nodd her head...
"Okay..."
What other choice did she have?
"They're at home with Susan..."
Might as well have Susan there for the sake of keeping her together during everything.
"Let me change."
She watched him walk towards his bedroom. When he almost reached the corner to make the turn, he turned back around. Even though she was halfway across the room, she felt his eyes lock with hers.
"Just because I left.."
She looked down, hoping to signal to him she didn't want to hear any explanations.
"...didn't mean I stopped loving you..."
She looked back up, but he was gone. The last part had come out. A barely audible whisper. But she had heard it as if it had been screamed by him standing next to her.
She walked out the door after getting Susan comfortable on her couch. Susan was feeling horrible, and after a quick mutual apology, she said she would cover Susan's shift if she stayed with John and Annette. John had gotten up and had already tortured Susan with his jokes. But they were getting along and she wasn't worried that they wouldn't have a good time. Annette was still in her room. She had told Susan what had happened and Susan promised to try to talk to her. She headed to the El, hoping to get to work fashionably on time. She was still extremely tired, since sleep didn't exactly present itself to her last night. She had stayed up thinking what to do, how to make this situation a bit better. But she couldn't think of anything that would work for all of them. If she moved away again, she would only hurt Annette and John. If she decided to stay, she would be torturing the three of them. If she let Carter into their lives it would ultimately only mean heartbreak and tears. And if she let herself let go, it would destory everything. It was a situation without an answer. She stood up, the train reaching County's block. She walked slowly, since she had about 10 minutes before the beginning of her shift. She was glad it was only a half-shift, and she was on tonight, so technically, she would be working 18 hours, but not consecutively. She would finish up Susan's, head home for something to eat and a break, and head back here. She had talked to Susan, and they had been able to work out something for the next few months, since she was probably going to take an early maternity leave, so Nette and John would be able to stay with Susan during some of her night shifts.
She walked inside, instantly being warmed up. The breeze from the lakefront only made the city colder by the hour. She threw her stuff into her locker and headed out to grab some patients, hoping to make the six hours go by. She didn't know who was on today, so it was hint of relief when she found out Michele and Luka were on. If they were both on, no unexpected confrontations. Well, at least until tonight. Maybe she would be able to weasel out of it? Probably not. She can't let her personal life affect her work life. She grabbed about ten charts and headed off.
After many consults, admits, discharges, and trauams, her six hours were over. She felt like a burden had been lifted off her shoulders. She was ready to pass out. Or at least grab about 4 hours of sleep. Or more. Or less. Depending on the situation at him. And all through the day she kept on thinking. She knew what she had to do. She knew what the right thing to do was. To pack up and leave. Distance herself from this place, now and forever. But she didn't know how she would be able to do that. It seemed easy 10 years ago. Just not now. What was the big difference between then and now?
She headed back to the El, and got on the first train that came. The ride seemed shorter than she remembered. She got off at her usual spot. Well usual in a sense. She walked down the stairs, the station looking better than she had realized. Well maybe because it had been rebuilt. Alot changes in ten years. And hopefully some things didn't. She reached the condo, walking up the stairs to the third floor. She hesitiated at first, but finally gained enough strength to knock. After a few minutes she heard bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor. The door slowly creaked open.
"Hi."
How original. What an introduction. Great going. She looked at him, she noticed she had probably woken him. He stood looking at her in a pair of sweatpants and a Cubs t-shirt. His hair was completely disasterous. But she couldn't read the expression on his face. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. He usual wore his emotions on his sleeve, but not today.
"Hey.."
She heard his voice come out hesitantly but with a pang of longing...?
"We need to talk."
She couldn't believe she was standing here, taking Susan's advice. She was such a hypocrite. But she needed to find out once and for all. She needed to know, for the sake of her children.
"Yeah..."
She stood in hallway for a minute, since she felt him absorbing her with his eyes. Soon enough he opened the door and escorted her in. She had to remember to act like a grown woman. She had to have this conversation. It was a matter or life or death, well almost. But she couldn't not let this be resolved. She had to keep her judgements to herself. She had to control what she wanted to say. She couldn't make herself a threat to him, because then they would never get anywhere.
"Do you want coffee or something?"
This sudden jolt of hospitality mildly shocked her. She nodded her head in response. A cup of coffee would be able a good idea. She would have something to play with instead of her hands. She noticed that once. That she played with her hands when she was nervous. He got back and placed the two cups on his coffee table. She mixed her usual sugar and creamer into the cup. She took a sip and put it back down. They were both hesitant to start. But she had to do what she had to do. She just had to remember she was here for Annette and John. No one else.
"Listen, I'm sorry.. You had a right to know."
She didn't exactly know why she was apologizing but it seemed right. And she did believe he had a right to know. But what would happen after he knew was completley up to him.
"Abs, they're my kids..."
So maybe she had chosen a good time to have this conversation. He seemed like he was really just zoned out and tired. His voice sounded like a little kids, whinning and begging.
"I just..."
She didn't know how to respond to his statements. Or questions. Or anything. She didn't realize how hard this might be.
"How could you keep them away from me?"
His voice started to grow more fierce, but it wasn't violent. It was just hurt.
"I didn't want them.. I didn't want them have their hearts broken.."
Her voice was now coming out as a whisper. She had orignally planned to keep it monotone. To try to save that element of not showing her emotions.
"You didn't give me a chance."
She didn't think he deserved a chance after what had happened between them.
"You left me. How was I supposed to think you wouldn't do the same to Nette and John..."
Her sentence ended in a whisper again. She had started out loudly, but always ended up in a whisper.
" I needed time, Abby. My grandmother had just died, and I was alone! You were too obsessed with helping your brother to realize I needed you. I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to suffer the same way I did."
She watched him pace to to the window, opening it slightly, and looking out at the city below.
"My brother was sick..."
Who knows what might have happened to him. He might of been dead now if she hadn't gone after him.
"It's not always about you."
Who knew such a simple statement could burn so much?
"I'm not here to talk about what happened between us. I'm here to ask what you want to do about Annette and John?"
It's the truth. She can't dwell on the past. She had to look forward to the future.
"I want to meet my children. I want to be part of their lives."
She knew that is what ultimately would happen. She began to nodd her head...
"Okay..."
What other choice did she have?
"They're at home with Susan..."
Might as well have Susan there for the sake of keeping her together during everything.
"Let me change."
She watched him walk towards his bedroom. When he almost reached the corner to make the turn, he turned back around. Even though she was halfway across the room, she felt his eyes lock with hers.
"Just because I left.."
She looked down, hoping to signal to him she didn't want to hear any explanations.
"...didn't mean I stopped loving you..."
She looked back up, but he was gone. The last part had come out. A barely audible whisper. But she had heard it as if it had been screamed by him standing next to her.