Author's notes: Yippie. Triple update? I think. I don't know. I just got really bored and thought I would update... I have no clue what I'm doing with Abby anymore. So please tell me if you like it or don't like it... Please... Any little bit of a review would help. It's a longer chapter so have fun.
~*~
They walked the few short blocks back to her home in silence. They didn't bother talking, and she wasn't going to try. She kept a faster pace then he, trying to distance herself from him slightly. After about 15 minutes they reached the main door of her complex. She ran her card through the security bar, punched in her code. They headed up the stairs, instead of taking the elevator. She needed to somehow keep control of the situation. She needed to be in charge. She had already pulled her key out of her purse, but she paused in front of her door before opening it.
"Go talk to Annette first."
She heard a sigh from him.
"If she accepts you, John will..."
She turned around and looked him straight in the eyes.
"Do not make any promises. Do not break their hearts. I love those kids more than anything else, and I never want to see them get hurt, like the hurt you put me through."
She turned around before he had a chance to notice the tear that had begun to fall. She unlocked the door lowly, and was greeted by a cheerful Susan. But her smile quickly disappeared from her face when she saw who was behind her.
"Where's Nette?"
Susan looked in shock at her for a moment before snapping out of it mentally. She gestured towards her room.
"She hasn't been out all day."
She nodded her head in response and looked behind her at him. She gave him the glare that could have killed an entire army. She watched him head over to Annette's door, and gently knock. Strangely enough, the door was open, and he cautiously entered and shut the door behind him.
She looked at Susan.
"You did the right thing..."
No I didn't. This was the worst idea in the world. But she couldn't let her daughter go though so much hatred and fury. She was still too young. She had her entire life in front of her. She began to shake her head when Susan came over to her and held her in a hug.
"It'll be okay, Abby..."
She wiped away the few tears that had begun to fall.
"Mom? Are you okay?"
She had completley forgotten about John for a second. He had probably seen and heard everything. He had been lying on the sofa.
"Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine. But we need to talk."
Why did she have to be the one to tell her son that his father was in his sister's room right now. The man that she had kept out of their lives for so long suddenly appeared out of no where. She needed to try to hide the pain that she was feeling right now.
"Mom, what happened?"
She saw Susan silently slipping away, heading to the kitchen to make tea or coffee. She took her son by the arms and sat him down on the sofa next to herself. She pushed the stray hair out of his chocolate brown eyes. This was going to be harder than ever.
"Well, you know how I told you I used to live in Chicago a long time ago?"
She saw her son nodd his head in agreement and she took that as a sign to continue.
"It was only a few months before you and your sister were born that I moved to Boston..."
This was just becoming harder and harder to do.
".. I had sort of ran away from my problems."
She saw he was listening intently.
"Your father being one of them."
His expession changed dramatically. He was now worried. She saw him move closer to her.
"And, he's here. He wants to meet you."
There. It's over with. Done. No more. She couldn't speak anymore. She saw John look forward, starring into blankness. Then he began to shake his head.
"No. I don't want to meet him."
Okay, so this was going to be a bit harder than she ever thought.
"John, he's not a bad person. It just didn't work out between us."
He was still sitting, and still starring off into space. She saw him look at her.
"I dont' want to meet him. Look at how much pain he's putting you through, mom."
How was a little kid supposed to know about this stuff? Sometimes he acted like a little child, but sometimes he just completely shocked her and acted more mature than she ever could be. She just couldn't hold it in, she let the tears begin to fall. She had learned a good cry sometimes helped everything. John came over to her and held her tightly.
"He's been gone for so long, we don't need him. You're all we need..."
Her heart skipped a beat. Her son was the most amazing kid on the planet.
"I love you, John..."
She kissed him on his forehead, and she just kept him in a hug.
She saw Susan enter the room with two cups of tea. She had her coat on, and she looked about ready to go.
"I'm heading home, Chuck just called and Alex's is having a fit..."
She was eternally grateful for her staying through that.
"Thanks. For everything."
She also managed a weak smile.
"No, problem. See you tomorrow. Bye John."
She saw John get up and give her a hug goodbye. She heard the door slam a few minutes later and John returned to his position on the sofa, pillow in this lap, hugging it. He did it when he was upset or worried about something. A silence overcame the apartment, and they both could hear the cars from the street below them and the waves hitting against the shore. A few minutes later, she heard a door creak and footsteps heading into the living room. John heard it too, and he moved closer to her, lying up against her body, his head placed securely on her lap. She ruffled his hair and whispered a quick "it'll be okay" to him.
She looked up at Carter and her daughter. He had her in a hug, her head was leaning against his stomach. He had the same habit of playing with her hair that she did. Every few seconds she saw him run his hands over her shoulders. She could tell Annette had been crying, for the salt had left little imprints on her face, her eyes were swollen, and her cheeks flushed. But the resemblance was uncanny. She had the same dark chocolate eyes, dark auburn hair, nose, and facial features. She had her mother's figure and height, along with some of her habits. But they looked like father and daugther. Although she was hoping inside that it wouldn't be that easy for Annette to accept him. She was hoping for a struggle. But she got none. She had completely attached herself to him.
She looked at them, Carter looked like he was glowing. Although she hoped it wouldn't be a permanent fixture. But she knew it would. The awkard silence was defying. No one knew what to say. She didn't dare attempt to force John into anything, it would only make things harder. And she knew that he didn't want to push Annette away. So she did the only obvious thing to do. The icebreaker. It always worked.
"Do you want some coffee, or something to drink?"
She looked at him, and he shot her a thankful glance. No one would have said anything.
"Annette come help me in the kitchen."
It was now or never that John and Carter would have to meet. She slowly picked herself off the sofa, and kissed John on the forehead. She looked at Annette who was getting the same motivation from him. She stayed attached to him, but he delicately pried her off, and scooted her in the direction of the kitchen. She followed her, leaving him and her son alone.
She reached the kitchen and shut the door. She didn't know what was going to happen out there, or in here. Her daugther was looking up at her with sorrow in her eyes.
"Mom.. I'm sorry."
Her daugther could apologize every five seconds, and she would always accept every apology as sincere.
"It's okay..."
She headed over to the counter and poured two cups of coffee. She stirred in her usual serving, and stirred in his 2 spoons. Such a silly thing she remembered. She placed them on a tray and was about to pick them up and head out, but the phone rang. She grabbed the headset and answered.
"Hello?"
She heard a bit of commotion on the other side.
"Abby, listen do you mind not coming in tonight? We messed something up on the schedules and you're supposed to be off tonight."
It was Michelle. And it had seemed a bit weird that she was working over 90 hours in the last week. Or was it just because Susan probably jumped to take over her shift so she wouldn't be torn apart from the "reunion". She assumed the latter.
"Thanks Michelle, and tell Susan I said I owe her..."
She heard something drop in the background and heard the desk clerk yell something.
"I have to go. It's the night shift..."
She clicked off the phone and placed it back on the charger.
She noticed her daughter was looking at her questioningly.
"That was the hospital. I'm off tonight. And it's getting late. You have school tomorrow."
She saw Nette roll her eyes, another habit that she picked up from her, and was about to begin pleading when she gently spanked her out the door towards her room.
"You can come back and say goodnight when you're finished changing and brushing your teeth."
She waited a second to make sure her daughter did as she was told, and then picked up the tray and headed to the living room. She didn't hear anything going on, and walked in to see a pleading Carter trying to get through to her son, who sat in the same position as she had left him. She walked in, and placed the tray on the coffee table. She got a pleading look from Carter, but she ignored it.
"John, go get ready for bed. It's late and you both have to get up early tomorrow morning."
Her son quickly got off the sofa and practically ran towards his bedroom. The clank of the teacups was all that could be heard for a while.
"They, they're wonderful. Both of them."
She looked up at him. She felt almost sorry for him. He really was trying. She hadn't bothered to notice it before.
"John will come around. He's stubborn. It'll take time."
He nodded his head.
"He's also very overprotective of you."
She knew he was. He had been the one to always take care of them both at times. He was a great kid. A wonderful son. Suddenly Annette and John both appeared, both set to go to bed in their pj's. Annette went over to her, and gave her a quick kiss, and headed over to Carter, whom she instantly lached onto. John headed straight over to her, and gave her a kiss and a tight hug. Then he headed off straight to his room. She heard a quick "Goodnight Mom," and his door shut.
"Annette, go to bed."
She had said it maybe a bit too forcefully, but it was late and they would never be able to get up in the morning. Carter understood her too, and kissed her on the forehead, and shooed her off to bed. After they both heard her door shut, they looked at each other.
"I should get going..."
He should get going, but that wouldn't exactly unravel everything.
"No, don't. We need to talk."
Why did she have the feeling that this would be the longest talk ever. He took his coat back off and sat down.
"Only if we can first talk about what happened to us."
She looked at him, a pit of unhappiness playing in her.
"This isn't about us anymore. It's about them. There isn't an 'us'."
She played with the corner of her pillow, avoiding all eye contact.
"But there was. And that's why there is a them."
She laughed. It was sort of ironical in a way. They have had to been together for this mess to start in the first place.
"I don't want to dwell on the past as much as you do. But there are so many things that we left unanswered."
She had long given up on even thinking about it.
"I don't know why you're even here, is probably a main one."
She saw him trying to control himself. She had changed alot over the years, but her attitude is the one thing she kept willingly.
"Why did you leave? Why didn't you tell me?"
Why were men so stupid? If they had only just been kept in that little oven for a few minutes longer maybe they would have been a more developed species.
"I left because there was no reason for me to stay. You said it yourself. We work better unfettered."
She could recite that damn letter to him had he asked her to. She knew it by heart, even ten years later. He saw his hands go through this hair, he was growing uncomfortable.
" When did you find out that you were... pregnant?"
Well obviously it had to be after they had sex.
"After I had finished my last rotation at county."
He was looking out the window, probably unsure of what to say.
" I wish I had known. I wish you hadn't left."
What would he have done then? Tried to revive something that was long since dead? Try to make things work? Propose? Force her into a life she didn't want?
" Leaving was the best thing that happened to me."
He was biting on his lower lip. A habit of his that she had always hated.
" I meant what I said today."
Which one? He had said alot today. Or was he specifically refering to the last statement he said to her at his apartment.
" It was doomed from the beginning. Neither one of us just wanted to admit it."
The usual statements. Statements that she had taken to be true.
"You don't really believe that, do you?"
She began to fidget in her seat. She was playing with the empty cup in her hands.
"Yes. I do."
She really did. Did she?
"It's not about us anymore, Carter. There is a little girl who obviously loves you for some apparent reason, and a little boy who won't admit he wants a father."
She hadn't lost her sarcasm. And she also didn't want to show that she wanted him in their lives.
"Just because we didn't work out.. You shouldn't punish them..."
She was punishing them by bringing him into their lives.
"I'm not punishing them. I don't know why I should bring you in all of a sudden. We were fine by ourselves for ten years."
She was now standing, taking out some of her rage on the curled up rug.
"But they want a father. They need one."
She knew in her heart that what he was saying was true.
"They can have a father. Just keep me out of it."
She didn't want to get involved. She couldn't go through everything again. She saw him nodd his head.
"I'm going to bed."
She gathered the remaining cups and plates and put them back on the tray.
"Spend the night on the sofa. You can take them to school in the morning."
That one statement took more out of her than anything. She saw his eyes light up.
"Just remember what I said. No promises. No broken hearts. No pain. Because I will pick up and leave again. Just to give them a better life. They are my life."
She didn't know if she was doing the right thing. Somehow she had managed to get through a decent conversation with him without shouting. Maybe things would be okay.
~*~
They walked the few short blocks back to her home in silence. They didn't bother talking, and she wasn't going to try. She kept a faster pace then he, trying to distance herself from him slightly. After about 15 minutes they reached the main door of her complex. She ran her card through the security bar, punched in her code. They headed up the stairs, instead of taking the elevator. She needed to somehow keep control of the situation. She needed to be in charge. She had already pulled her key out of her purse, but she paused in front of her door before opening it.
"Go talk to Annette first."
She heard a sigh from him.
"If she accepts you, John will..."
She turned around and looked him straight in the eyes.
"Do not make any promises. Do not break their hearts. I love those kids more than anything else, and I never want to see them get hurt, like the hurt you put me through."
She turned around before he had a chance to notice the tear that had begun to fall. She unlocked the door lowly, and was greeted by a cheerful Susan. But her smile quickly disappeared from her face when she saw who was behind her.
"Where's Nette?"
Susan looked in shock at her for a moment before snapping out of it mentally. She gestured towards her room.
"She hasn't been out all day."
She nodded her head in response and looked behind her at him. She gave him the glare that could have killed an entire army. She watched him head over to Annette's door, and gently knock. Strangely enough, the door was open, and he cautiously entered and shut the door behind him.
She looked at Susan.
"You did the right thing..."
No I didn't. This was the worst idea in the world. But she couldn't let her daughter go though so much hatred and fury. She was still too young. She had her entire life in front of her. She began to shake her head when Susan came over to her and held her in a hug.
"It'll be okay, Abby..."
She wiped away the few tears that had begun to fall.
"Mom? Are you okay?"
She had completley forgotten about John for a second. He had probably seen and heard everything. He had been lying on the sofa.
"Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine. But we need to talk."
Why did she have to be the one to tell her son that his father was in his sister's room right now. The man that she had kept out of their lives for so long suddenly appeared out of no where. She needed to try to hide the pain that she was feeling right now.
"Mom, what happened?"
She saw Susan silently slipping away, heading to the kitchen to make tea or coffee. She took her son by the arms and sat him down on the sofa next to herself. She pushed the stray hair out of his chocolate brown eyes. This was going to be harder than ever.
"Well, you know how I told you I used to live in Chicago a long time ago?"
She saw her son nodd his head in agreement and she took that as a sign to continue.
"It was only a few months before you and your sister were born that I moved to Boston..."
This was just becoming harder and harder to do.
".. I had sort of ran away from my problems."
She saw he was listening intently.
"Your father being one of them."
His expession changed dramatically. He was now worried. She saw him move closer to her.
"And, he's here. He wants to meet you."
There. It's over with. Done. No more. She couldn't speak anymore. She saw John look forward, starring into blankness. Then he began to shake his head.
"No. I don't want to meet him."
Okay, so this was going to be a bit harder than she ever thought.
"John, he's not a bad person. It just didn't work out between us."
He was still sitting, and still starring off into space. She saw him look at her.
"I dont' want to meet him. Look at how much pain he's putting you through, mom."
How was a little kid supposed to know about this stuff? Sometimes he acted like a little child, but sometimes he just completely shocked her and acted more mature than she ever could be. She just couldn't hold it in, she let the tears begin to fall. She had learned a good cry sometimes helped everything. John came over to her and held her tightly.
"He's been gone for so long, we don't need him. You're all we need..."
Her heart skipped a beat. Her son was the most amazing kid on the planet.
"I love you, John..."
She kissed him on his forehead, and she just kept him in a hug.
She saw Susan enter the room with two cups of tea. She had her coat on, and she looked about ready to go.
"I'm heading home, Chuck just called and Alex's is having a fit..."
She was eternally grateful for her staying through that.
"Thanks. For everything."
She also managed a weak smile.
"No, problem. See you tomorrow. Bye John."
She saw John get up and give her a hug goodbye. She heard the door slam a few minutes later and John returned to his position on the sofa, pillow in this lap, hugging it. He did it when he was upset or worried about something. A silence overcame the apartment, and they both could hear the cars from the street below them and the waves hitting against the shore. A few minutes later, she heard a door creak and footsteps heading into the living room. John heard it too, and he moved closer to her, lying up against her body, his head placed securely on her lap. She ruffled his hair and whispered a quick "it'll be okay" to him.
She looked up at Carter and her daughter. He had her in a hug, her head was leaning against his stomach. He had the same habit of playing with her hair that she did. Every few seconds she saw him run his hands over her shoulders. She could tell Annette had been crying, for the salt had left little imprints on her face, her eyes were swollen, and her cheeks flushed. But the resemblance was uncanny. She had the same dark chocolate eyes, dark auburn hair, nose, and facial features. She had her mother's figure and height, along with some of her habits. But they looked like father and daugther. Although she was hoping inside that it wouldn't be that easy for Annette to accept him. She was hoping for a struggle. But she got none. She had completely attached herself to him.
She looked at them, Carter looked like he was glowing. Although she hoped it wouldn't be a permanent fixture. But she knew it would. The awkard silence was defying. No one knew what to say. She didn't dare attempt to force John into anything, it would only make things harder. And she knew that he didn't want to push Annette away. So she did the only obvious thing to do. The icebreaker. It always worked.
"Do you want some coffee, or something to drink?"
She looked at him, and he shot her a thankful glance. No one would have said anything.
"Annette come help me in the kitchen."
It was now or never that John and Carter would have to meet. She slowly picked herself off the sofa, and kissed John on the forehead. She looked at Annette who was getting the same motivation from him. She stayed attached to him, but he delicately pried her off, and scooted her in the direction of the kitchen. She followed her, leaving him and her son alone.
She reached the kitchen and shut the door. She didn't know what was going to happen out there, or in here. Her daugther was looking up at her with sorrow in her eyes.
"Mom.. I'm sorry."
Her daugther could apologize every five seconds, and she would always accept every apology as sincere.
"It's okay..."
She headed over to the counter and poured two cups of coffee. She stirred in her usual serving, and stirred in his 2 spoons. Such a silly thing she remembered. She placed them on a tray and was about to pick them up and head out, but the phone rang. She grabbed the headset and answered.
"Hello?"
She heard a bit of commotion on the other side.
"Abby, listen do you mind not coming in tonight? We messed something up on the schedules and you're supposed to be off tonight."
It was Michelle. And it had seemed a bit weird that she was working over 90 hours in the last week. Or was it just because Susan probably jumped to take over her shift so she wouldn't be torn apart from the "reunion". She assumed the latter.
"Thanks Michelle, and tell Susan I said I owe her..."
She heard something drop in the background and heard the desk clerk yell something.
"I have to go. It's the night shift..."
She clicked off the phone and placed it back on the charger.
She noticed her daughter was looking at her questioningly.
"That was the hospital. I'm off tonight. And it's getting late. You have school tomorrow."
She saw Nette roll her eyes, another habit that she picked up from her, and was about to begin pleading when she gently spanked her out the door towards her room.
"You can come back and say goodnight when you're finished changing and brushing your teeth."
She waited a second to make sure her daughter did as she was told, and then picked up the tray and headed to the living room. She didn't hear anything going on, and walked in to see a pleading Carter trying to get through to her son, who sat in the same position as she had left him. She walked in, and placed the tray on the coffee table. She got a pleading look from Carter, but she ignored it.
"John, go get ready for bed. It's late and you both have to get up early tomorrow morning."
Her son quickly got off the sofa and practically ran towards his bedroom. The clank of the teacups was all that could be heard for a while.
"They, they're wonderful. Both of them."
She looked up at him. She felt almost sorry for him. He really was trying. She hadn't bothered to notice it before.
"John will come around. He's stubborn. It'll take time."
He nodded his head.
"He's also very overprotective of you."
She knew he was. He had been the one to always take care of them both at times. He was a great kid. A wonderful son. Suddenly Annette and John both appeared, both set to go to bed in their pj's. Annette went over to her, and gave her a quick kiss, and headed over to Carter, whom she instantly lached onto. John headed straight over to her, and gave her a kiss and a tight hug. Then he headed off straight to his room. She heard a quick "Goodnight Mom," and his door shut.
"Annette, go to bed."
She had said it maybe a bit too forcefully, but it was late and they would never be able to get up in the morning. Carter understood her too, and kissed her on the forehead, and shooed her off to bed. After they both heard her door shut, they looked at each other.
"I should get going..."
He should get going, but that wouldn't exactly unravel everything.
"No, don't. We need to talk."
Why did she have the feeling that this would be the longest talk ever. He took his coat back off and sat down.
"Only if we can first talk about what happened to us."
She looked at him, a pit of unhappiness playing in her.
"This isn't about us anymore. It's about them. There isn't an 'us'."
She played with the corner of her pillow, avoiding all eye contact.
"But there was. And that's why there is a them."
She laughed. It was sort of ironical in a way. They have had to been together for this mess to start in the first place.
"I don't want to dwell on the past as much as you do. But there are so many things that we left unanswered."
She had long given up on even thinking about it.
"I don't know why you're even here, is probably a main one."
She saw him trying to control himself. She had changed alot over the years, but her attitude is the one thing she kept willingly.
"Why did you leave? Why didn't you tell me?"
Why were men so stupid? If they had only just been kept in that little oven for a few minutes longer maybe they would have been a more developed species.
"I left because there was no reason for me to stay. You said it yourself. We work better unfettered."
She could recite that damn letter to him had he asked her to. She knew it by heart, even ten years later. He saw his hands go through this hair, he was growing uncomfortable.
" When did you find out that you were... pregnant?"
Well obviously it had to be after they had sex.
"After I had finished my last rotation at county."
He was looking out the window, probably unsure of what to say.
" I wish I had known. I wish you hadn't left."
What would he have done then? Tried to revive something that was long since dead? Try to make things work? Propose? Force her into a life she didn't want?
" Leaving was the best thing that happened to me."
He was biting on his lower lip. A habit of his that she had always hated.
" I meant what I said today."
Which one? He had said alot today. Or was he specifically refering to the last statement he said to her at his apartment.
" It was doomed from the beginning. Neither one of us just wanted to admit it."
The usual statements. Statements that she had taken to be true.
"You don't really believe that, do you?"
She began to fidget in her seat. She was playing with the empty cup in her hands.
"Yes. I do."
She really did. Did she?
"It's not about us anymore, Carter. There is a little girl who obviously loves you for some apparent reason, and a little boy who won't admit he wants a father."
She hadn't lost her sarcasm. And she also didn't want to show that she wanted him in their lives.
"Just because we didn't work out.. You shouldn't punish them..."
She was punishing them by bringing him into their lives.
"I'm not punishing them. I don't know why I should bring you in all of a sudden. We were fine by ourselves for ten years."
She was now standing, taking out some of her rage on the curled up rug.
"But they want a father. They need one."
She knew in her heart that what he was saying was true.
"They can have a father. Just keep me out of it."
She didn't want to get involved. She couldn't go through everything again. She saw him nodd his head.
"I'm going to bed."
She gathered the remaining cups and plates and put them back on the tray.
"Spend the night on the sofa. You can take them to school in the morning."
That one statement took more out of her than anything. She saw his eyes light up.
"Just remember what I said. No promises. No broken hearts. No pain. Because I will pick up and leave again. Just to give them a better life. They are my life."
She didn't know if she was doing the right thing. Somehow she had managed to get through a decent conversation with him without shouting. Maybe things would be okay.