Author's Notes: OMG I feel so bad about not updating yesterday. I was just so tired. I couldn't do anything. I went to bed. I just couldn't go on. I'm soo sorry. I feel so bad cause you guys deserve to get an update a day.. Please please please don't hate me!!! Please!!! I promise to update at least a few times this weekend, to make up!!! So just keep on reading and THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED.. I'm so tired.. That's why author's notes are so short. And this chapter is also sorta short. I'm sorry. I'm working on it. I promise!!!!
~*~
She sat down at the table, a glass of warm tea being placed in front of her. She had gotten here only a few minutes ago, her shift running over a hour and half late due to
the accident on the Dan Ryan. She knew her daughter was tired, so they ended up going out to eat before coming to pick John up. She would get home, put the two to bed, and head to her own safe abyss soon after.
"You look exhausted."
She knew she lookedl ike hell. What did he expect after fourteen hours of slave labor and over nine traumas in one day?
"I am exhausted."
She saw him nodd his head.
"We really should be heading home."
She twirled the cup on the counter. She hadn't asked him how everything had gone, or how John had reacted. She wanted to know but she was afraid of the answer. She looked up and saw he was looking at her.
"Why don't you just spend the night here..."
He stressed the here for her. Would that be a good choie? She was exhausted, so were Annette and John, but staying here would only attached them more to him. the better life they could have with him. They wouldn't want her anymore.
"I don't know."
He kept looking at her, pleading mentally with her.
"John's staying home from school, but Annette's going. She don't have anything with her. I just don't think it would be a good idea."
She noticed him begin to bite his bottom lip.
"I'll take her home to get changed then to school. I have an early shift tomorrow anyhow."
It wasn't home to him. Why did he just say home? But then again, she had said it a few minutes ago too.
"I just really..."
She didn't want this. She really didn't want her kids to be subjected to this. They would get their hopes up and everything would eventually come crashing down.
"Abby, all three of you are tired. I have a few hundered extra bedrooms. Please."
She thought about it, pushing herself more away from the prospect, but she knew she would eventually give in. It would be hard to wake either one, since Annette had probably falled asleep with her brother on the couch in the den.
"Alright. Just this once."
Hopefully they would be too tired to remember this the next day. It was all a dream. She looked up at him.
"Come on. Let's get them to bed."
She slowly scooted herself off the chair, her back screaming out in protest. She followed him through the halls, her shoes clicking on the marble floor. They got back to the den, where, sure enough, the two were sleeping. They silently debated what to do, whether to wake them or carry them upstairs, and eventually decided to do both. Carter picked Annette up, trying to be gentle and not wake her at the same time. But she was out, cold. She sat down by John, and felt his forehead. He still had a fever, but it wasn't as bad as it must have been. She shook him lightly, and he opened his eyes, blinking quickly, trying to get accustomed to the light.
"Mom..."
His voice sounded hoarse. Maybe he also had a sore throat.
"Hey sleepy head, how do you feel?"
She noticed he wrapped himself tighter in the blanket although the room was relitively warm. He shrugged his shoulders in response.
"Well, I have medicine for you, and then you are going back to bed."
She saw his face twist. What was it with kids and the mention of medication?
"We're not going home?"
No. Not tonight, at least.
"No. It's late and Carter said we could stay."
She expected him to protest, but he just buried his head back into the pillow. She tugged the blanket off him, pulling him out.
"Come on, you'll be back in bed soon."
She walked him into the kitchen, and got a bottle of water and handed him a cup full of cherry red syrup.
"You know the drill."
She made sure he swallowed the whole thing, regardless or taste. He had been silent the whole time. She wiped him down with a cool cloth and headed to the stairwell, where Carter had disappeared with Annette only a few minutes ago. She led John, her arms around his waist. He was really weak. The fever must really have gotten to him. She was just about to attempt the stairs when Carter showed up. He ran down the stairs quickly, like it was something he did everyday. He probably did. He picked JOhn up from where she had been supporting him and started up the stairs. She got a nodd from him that told her to follow. She stood in shock for a few moments, not expecting that reaction from John. He hadn't even fought the gesture, just accepted it. Even when he was like this, he still had that spunk in him. She followed the two up the stairs into the third bedroom. He lied John down and covered him with a blanket. Then he silently walked out. She went over to him, and kissed him on the cheek.
"I'll be up to check on you through the night."
She heard a sigh in response, and adjusted the blankets and pillows around him. She got up, turned off the lamp, and left the room, leaving a small crack open. Carter stood waiting for her in the hallway.
"Your bedroom's right there."
She followed his finger as he pointed to a room across the hall, in view of John's door.
"Annette's in the bedroom adjacent to John's."
At least he had the decency to put them in rooms near each other.
"Do you want something to change in to?"
She looked down at her clothes. She was wearing a pair of faded green scrubs. Yet she hadn't started out in them. She had been wearing black pants and a white top, but three traumas later, she was covered in blood and unhappy. She wasn't supposed to be on truama duty today, but since one of the residents called in sick, she had to take over.
"Yeah..."
She saw him give her a small smile and turn around, heading to what she assumed was his room.
"I'll be right back."
She stood in the hallway, looking at the painting hanging in front of her. It looked familiar. She was fighting a mental battle with herself trying to figure out how she knew it. She didn't even know when he had come back.
"Here. They might be a little big, but they are comfy."
She accepted the clothes and headed to her bedroom for the night to change.
She emerged from the room, comfortable in a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt. Ten sizes too big, since they were his, but glad to be out of that hospital garb. She headed down the stairs, the past exhaustion she had felt completley gone. She followed the route back to the den. She found Carter sitting up with his eyes closed, sprawled out on the couch. She headed towards him.
"Long day?"
She saw him nodd his head.
"John?"
She heard a slight laugh and a mummbled yeah.
She was standing above him, hoping he would get the idea to move so she could sit down, but he didn't. She hit his leg, and he jumped, obviously knocked out of his daze.
"So what happened?"
He ran his hand through his hair, pulling at the ends.
"He has your habit of holding in everything."
She looked at him, not saying a word. Inwardly praying that this wouldn't end in a fight. She didn't have enough energy. She pulled her feet up to her chest and placed her chin upon them. She was starring out the window, anything was better than looking him in the eyes.
"Carter, you knew it wouldn't be easy."
Raising kids was never easy.
"I never thought it would be this hard..."
Hold on, what was he complaining about? He's known them for what? Like a little over a week? She's the one who spent nine months carrying them around, feeling bigger than a balloon. She's the one who spent nights trying to get them to sleep, breast feeding, changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, raising them, potty training, everything. He's with them for a few hours and suddenly it's hard?
"Yeah, well, I didn't have the option of leaving."
She didn't know why she just said that. Impulse maybe. Or she was trying to knock some crazy notion out of his head or whatever. But she instantly felt the atomosphere in the room turn icy.
"I'm sorry."
That's the first time she knew why she was apologizing.
"I'm not going to leave."
She heard his voice, determined and strong, convincing. Almost too convincing. But he had said it before. And what happened in the end? He left.
"I've heard this before..."
Her voice came out a whisper and she hoped he hadn't heard her.
"Why the hell can't I get through to you?"
Okay. So he had heard. But he wasn't yelling. At least the shouting match hadn't officially begun yet.
"Can we just drop this?"
She saw him look at her and begin to open his mouth to say something, but he decided against it. He just nodded his head, somewhat dumbstruck. After a few second of just stillness, he walked back over to the sofa she was rooted in, and sat down.
She stared outside the window at the garden. Are they ever going to have a decent conversation without screaming at each other? Probably not. She was freezing. She realized it at that second as a shiver ran down her spine. She knew he noticed it too. She felt his weight scooting towards her, pulling a blanket with him. He threw the blanket over her, tucking it under her waist. Unknowingly, and almost reflexively, she leaned into him. Enjoying the softness and comfort of him. Just him. A momentary mistake. Oh well. She was tired. She laid up against his chest, she probably paralyzed him for a moment.
But he reacted to her, putting his arms around her, brushing the hair out of her face. She closed her eyes. She would regret this later. She really would. She dind't have feelings for him. She had managed to get rid of them all after he left. But could she really permanenetly dispell them all, forever? She felt nothing lying there with him, yet she finally felt alive for the first time. It was a swarm of emotions. She didn't love him. She couldn't. He was just a friend. They would only ever be friends. The kids would grow up, and they would loose touch. Life would be normal again. She didn't need him, except maybe currently as a cushion and heater, but that was besides the point. She had let go a long time ago. So why did she feel like she was still holding on? She had hit rock bottom years before, but now she felt like she was falling for the first time. She ran her hands through her hair and nuzzled into the warmth he provided. Beds were so overrated anyhow. She knew she would fall asleep in a matter of seconds.
~*~
She sat down at the table, a glass of warm tea being placed in front of her. She had gotten here only a few minutes ago, her shift running over a hour and half late due to
the accident on the Dan Ryan. She knew her daughter was tired, so they ended up going out to eat before coming to pick John up. She would get home, put the two to bed, and head to her own safe abyss soon after.
"You look exhausted."
She knew she lookedl ike hell. What did he expect after fourteen hours of slave labor and over nine traumas in one day?
"I am exhausted."
She saw him nodd his head.
"We really should be heading home."
She twirled the cup on the counter. She hadn't asked him how everything had gone, or how John had reacted. She wanted to know but she was afraid of the answer. She looked up and saw he was looking at her.
"Why don't you just spend the night here..."
He stressed the here for her. Would that be a good choie? She was exhausted, so were Annette and John, but staying here would only attached them more to him. the better life they could have with him. They wouldn't want her anymore.
"I don't know."
He kept looking at her, pleading mentally with her.
"John's staying home from school, but Annette's going. She don't have anything with her. I just don't think it would be a good idea."
She noticed him begin to bite his bottom lip.
"I'll take her home to get changed then to school. I have an early shift tomorrow anyhow."
It wasn't home to him. Why did he just say home? But then again, she had said it a few minutes ago too.
"I just really..."
She didn't want this. She really didn't want her kids to be subjected to this. They would get their hopes up and everything would eventually come crashing down.
"Abby, all three of you are tired. I have a few hundered extra bedrooms. Please."
She thought about it, pushing herself more away from the prospect, but she knew she would eventually give in. It would be hard to wake either one, since Annette had probably falled asleep with her brother on the couch in the den.
"Alright. Just this once."
Hopefully they would be too tired to remember this the next day. It was all a dream. She looked up at him.
"Come on. Let's get them to bed."
She slowly scooted herself off the chair, her back screaming out in protest. She followed him through the halls, her shoes clicking on the marble floor. They got back to the den, where, sure enough, the two were sleeping. They silently debated what to do, whether to wake them or carry them upstairs, and eventually decided to do both. Carter picked Annette up, trying to be gentle and not wake her at the same time. But she was out, cold. She sat down by John, and felt his forehead. He still had a fever, but it wasn't as bad as it must have been. She shook him lightly, and he opened his eyes, blinking quickly, trying to get accustomed to the light.
"Mom..."
His voice sounded hoarse. Maybe he also had a sore throat.
"Hey sleepy head, how do you feel?"
She noticed he wrapped himself tighter in the blanket although the room was relitively warm. He shrugged his shoulders in response.
"Well, I have medicine for you, and then you are going back to bed."
She saw his face twist. What was it with kids and the mention of medication?
"We're not going home?"
No. Not tonight, at least.
"No. It's late and Carter said we could stay."
She expected him to protest, but he just buried his head back into the pillow. She tugged the blanket off him, pulling him out.
"Come on, you'll be back in bed soon."
She walked him into the kitchen, and got a bottle of water and handed him a cup full of cherry red syrup.
"You know the drill."
She made sure he swallowed the whole thing, regardless or taste. He had been silent the whole time. She wiped him down with a cool cloth and headed to the stairwell, where Carter had disappeared with Annette only a few minutes ago. She led John, her arms around his waist. He was really weak. The fever must really have gotten to him. She was just about to attempt the stairs when Carter showed up. He ran down the stairs quickly, like it was something he did everyday. He probably did. He picked JOhn up from where she had been supporting him and started up the stairs. She got a nodd from him that told her to follow. She stood in shock for a few moments, not expecting that reaction from John. He hadn't even fought the gesture, just accepted it. Even when he was like this, he still had that spunk in him. She followed the two up the stairs into the third bedroom. He lied John down and covered him with a blanket. Then he silently walked out. She went over to him, and kissed him on the cheek.
"I'll be up to check on you through the night."
She heard a sigh in response, and adjusted the blankets and pillows around him. She got up, turned off the lamp, and left the room, leaving a small crack open. Carter stood waiting for her in the hallway.
"Your bedroom's right there."
She followed his finger as he pointed to a room across the hall, in view of John's door.
"Annette's in the bedroom adjacent to John's."
At least he had the decency to put them in rooms near each other.
"Do you want something to change in to?"
She looked down at her clothes. She was wearing a pair of faded green scrubs. Yet she hadn't started out in them. She had been wearing black pants and a white top, but three traumas later, she was covered in blood and unhappy. She wasn't supposed to be on truama duty today, but since one of the residents called in sick, she had to take over.
"Yeah..."
She saw him give her a small smile and turn around, heading to what she assumed was his room.
"I'll be right back."
She stood in the hallway, looking at the painting hanging in front of her. It looked familiar. She was fighting a mental battle with herself trying to figure out how she knew it. She didn't even know when he had come back.
"Here. They might be a little big, but they are comfy."
She accepted the clothes and headed to her bedroom for the night to change.
She emerged from the room, comfortable in a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt. Ten sizes too big, since they were his, but glad to be out of that hospital garb. She headed down the stairs, the past exhaustion she had felt completley gone. She followed the route back to the den. She found Carter sitting up with his eyes closed, sprawled out on the couch. She headed towards him.
"Long day?"
She saw him nodd his head.
"John?"
She heard a slight laugh and a mummbled yeah.
She was standing above him, hoping he would get the idea to move so she could sit down, but he didn't. She hit his leg, and he jumped, obviously knocked out of his daze.
"So what happened?"
He ran his hand through his hair, pulling at the ends.
"He has your habit of holding in everything."
She looked at him, not saying a word. Inwardly praying that this wouldn't end in a fight. She didn't have enough energy. She pulled her feet up to her chest and placed her chin upon them. She was starring out the window, anything was better than looking him in the eyes.
"Carter, you knew it wouldn't be easy."
Raising kids was never easy.
"I never thought it would be this hard..."
Hold on, what was he complaining about? He's known them for what? Like a little over a week? She's the one who spent nine months carrying them around, feeling bigger than a balloon. She's the one who spent nights trying to get them to sleep, breast feeding, changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, raising them, potty training, everything. He's with them for a few hours and suddenly it's hard?
"Yeah, well, I didn't have the option of leaving."
She didn't know why she just said that. Impulse maybe. Or she was trying to knock some crazy notion out of his head or whatever. But she instantly felt the atomosphere in the room turn icy.
"I'm sorry."
That's the first time she knew why she was apologizing.
"I'm not going to leave."
She heard his voice, determined and strong, convincing. Almost too convincing. But he had said it before. And what happened in the end? He left.
"I've heard this before..."
Her voice came out a whisper and she hoped he hadn't heard her.
"Why the hell can't I get through to you?"
Okay. So he had heard. But he wasn't yelling. At least the shouting match hadn't officially begun yet.
"Can we just drop this?"
She saw him look at her and begin to open his mouth to say something, but he decided against it. He just nodded his head, somewhat dumbstruck. After a few second of just stillness, he walked back over to the sofa she was rooted in, and sat down.
She stared outside the window at the garden. Are they ever going to have a decent conversation without screaming at each other? Probably not. She was freezing. She realized it at that second as a shiver ran down her spine. She knew he noticed it too. She felt his weight scooting towards her, pulling a blanket with him. He threw the blanket over her, tucking it under her waist. Unknowingly, and almost reflexively, she leaned into him. Enjoying the softness and comfort of him. Just him. A momentary mistake. Oh well. She was tired. She laid up against his chest, she probably paralyzed him for a moment.
But he reacted to her, putting his arms around her, brushing the hair out of her face. She closed her eyes. She would regret this later. She really would. She dind't have feelings for him. She had managed to get rid of them all after he left. But could she really permanenetly dispell them all, forever? She felt nothing lying there with him, yet she finally felt alive for the first time. It was a swarm of emotions. She didn't love him. She couldn't. He was just a friend. They would only ever be friends. The kids would grow up, and they would loose touch. Life would be normal again. She didn't need him, except maybe currently as a cushion and heater, but that was besides the point. She had let go a long time ago. So why did she feel like she was still holding on? She had hit rock bottom years before, but now she felt like she was falling for the first time. She ran her hands through her hair and nuzzled into the warmth he provided. Beds were so overrated anyhow. She knew she would fall asleep in a matter of seconds.