Chapter 34: Goodbye
Quotes within parentheses are actual quotes taken from Days of our lives and the words are from the writers of the show.
Sitting down on her bed, she hung up the phone.
She closed her eyes tightly, every emotion in her to the point of.
She saw when they had kissed.
and then she saw.
She knew what she had to do.
After all.
He made her promise.
~Earlier~
Mimi couldn't believe that any of this was happening to her, that the last couple of days really happened.
That the last couple of hours happened.
When she had been on the island, she had been excited when Kevin and her kissed, but something had been missing. It had all been so physical, yet there had been very little emotion, very little feeling. They had kissed passionately, or had they? True passion should have some kind of affection, right? But there had been so little. It wasn't anyone's fault. Kevin and her had barely known each other. So why had she been so willing to go all the way?
Maybe a part of her believed there wouldn't be another chance.
She was the girl that the guys liked to joke around with and tease, but beyond that not much happened. She wasn't the girlfriend type. At least she had started to believe that. Would somebody ever really care for her as more than just a friend? The answer to that was in a friend.
A special friend.
****
~Earlier across town~
He got into his dad's car, dressed in black jeans, a charcoal colored sweater and a black leather jacket. He started the car and drove.drove to a place that held memories, once, haunting memories of the past.
("What is wrong with you sneaking up on me like that.")
("Why Chloe, what makes you think you're better than everybody else.")
("I was defending myself.")
("You're way too defensive.")
("Everybody's taking a shot at me.")
("You're really pretty.")
Philip sighed. That night she sang at Shawn's party, her voice amazed him, enchanted him. He found her on the pier and they talked, finally really talked to each other, though there was still so much she held back. Then he practically betrayed her by telling her to keep their meeting a secret. But that was where it had begun.
And now.
That was where it would end.
He pulled into the parking lot near the pier. He turned off the engine and just sat there.
Now that the time had come, he realized how hard this was going to be.letting go of his first true love.
Finally, with a sigh, he got out of the car and made his way toward the pier, toward the steps that led down to the waterfront.
****
Mimi sighed, closing her eyes, thinking about when Philip kissed her. He was so gentle, so caring, and just so romantic. He had been so brave and strong in that storm, yet so understanding of her fears. And he made her smile and laugh too, sometimes acting so goofy.
****
"Listen, the reason why I called is because I need to talk to you." Philip looked at her. She was wearing a dark blue coat, with black pants and a blue top. She looked so different, yet in some ways like she did that night that they had talked in this same place. Then, she had worn dark glasses and clothes that covered her up so much. But he had noticed her eyes, those amazing eyes that now were exposed.
"I need to talk to you too." Chloe looked up at Philip, noticing that he was dressed in all black and that his hair was getting longer, making him look older, but he still had those dimples, though they weren't that noticeable right now.
Philip finished coming down the few remaining steps and stood side by side with Chloe. She quietly walked over to the area where he had first seen her genuinely smile and let her guard down a little, where he had offered to walk her home. He watched her, noticing her undeniable beauty, not just physical, but inside too. She had been such a mystery to him and it had been so challenging trying to figure it out, to understand why she hid so much of herself. He dedicated himself to it, to making her happy, and he thought he had succeeded for a while.
But then.
Chloe heard him come over to stand by her, in the same place they had talked on that night that now seemed so long ago.
"Philip-"
"Chloe-"
They had both spoken at the exact same moment. They looked at each other shyly.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. How about you?"
"I'm doing alright. Listen Chloe, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got so possessive and I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I only wanted to show how much I loved you, but I got too serious too fast and I lost myself along the way."
"But Philip, I made mistakes too. I hurt you also and I never meant to. I'm sorry. You always said I was perfect, but that just wasn't true."
"I know. I know you weren't perfect. And I know I wasn't the only one who made mistakes. We both did. We hurt each other."
Chloe just stared at him. Finally, he wasn't speaking to her as if she was some flawless fantasy figure. He was treating her like a human being, flaws and all.
****
Brady sat on a bench near the top of the pier steps. He brought Chloe to the docks so she could meet and talk with Philip, but he had stayed up on top to give them their privacy. He should be jealous, right?
The truth was he really wasn't. He knew they would always care about each other and that was fine because now he knew, they had both moved on. But one thing still held them back, the fact that they hadn't talked to each other about it. Now they could finally let everything go and be friends.
He knew first love could be painful, especially when you were young and still trying to figure out your own life. He had gone through it himself, but with time, he healed and now the relationship he shared with Chloe was just so unique, like them.
After the island, when Brady had truly come to realize his feelings for her, he had still been hesitant. He had asked her to choose between the two of them, but first he had visited with a still weak and tired Philip. Brady had been the one to find him in very bad shape and almost not breathing. He had watched Victor Kiriakis, his grandfather, one of the strongest men he knew, nearly break down at the sight of his son so gravely injured; he had watched him hold Philip in his arms praying for him to live. Chloe had broken down completely, leaning on Brady for support while they waited to see if he would live or die.
All of the drama had made Brady realize that Philip was his family and that he wanted him to live, be well and be happy. When he went to go see him, Philip thanked him for saving his life, then told him he had seen Brady and Chloe together and knew that they were becoming more than friends. Brady protested, telling Philip that if he and Chloe really wanted to be together, that he (Brady) wouldn't get in the way. He knew his words had surprised Philip. They had surprised himself, but Chloe had chosen Brady and Philip said HE would be the one to not interfere, for the time being at least.
****
"Surprised that I still don't think you're perfect?" Philip cringed at his voice, not meaning for it to sound so harsh.
Chloe answered defensively. "I never wanted you to think of me that way."
Philip apologized in a conciliatory tone. "I know. I'm sorry. I guess I've said that to you a lot: I'm sorry. What can I say?"
Chloe reached out for Philip's hand, holding it. "But you gave me so much too Philip. You were the first boy who cared about what was behind the glasses and dark clothes. You were the first boy to like me, to kiss me. You treated me like a princess."
Philip looked into her eyes, feeling her holding his hand, just holding it, her fingers still. "But I didn't make you happy, did I? Truly happy?"
He waited for her answer as she just silently stood there.
****
Mimi walked out of the house, pulling her coat tighter around her as she felt the cold late afternoon chill. She smiled, thinking of Philip. They were going to go out tonight and she couldn't wait. She still wondered what he had to do. She supposed she could wait to find out when she saw him.
She was still kind of insecure. After all, he was the big man on campus and she---she was just Mimi. When she thought of his unbelievable kisses.ah..well, that helped ease her fears.at least most of them.
But there was still one.
****
Philip had recovered and gone on with his life while Brady and Chloe spent more and more time together. But Brady knew that Philip and Chloe couldn't avoid each other that much longer. Eventually, they would need to talk to each other.
Then Brady saw Philip and Mimi...together.
That day at the park and Brady started to wonder.
Hmmm, was Philip moving on? One thing had gotten to Brady about seeing them, and that was how relaxed they seemed with each other and that they seemed to be having fun. It made Brady feel good, to see Philip smiling again, truly smiling and laughing.
****
Chloe felt Philip remove his hand from hers gently and watched him turn away as she continued to say nothing.
Finally, she spoke up, touching Philip's arm. "Oh Philip, but you did make me happy, very happy. You taught me not to be angry all the time, to trust a little more." She looked at him, searching his light blue eyes with her darker ones.
"And I betrayed that trust, right? Over and over again. I used you as a bet, I didn't tell you about my father, I became insanely jealous, and worst of all, I turned on you that night, that night it all ended, calling you unspeakable names. I did that to the girl I loved and I don't even really know why. How could I do something so horrible?"
He looked to her, hoping in his mind that she could give him the answer because if he had done these things once, could he do them again, with someone else?
Chloe looked into his pained eyes, wishing desperately to know what to say, hoping she would be able to find the right words to use. They both needed to find the right things to say so they could heal.
****
She had teased her from the moment she came to Salem, ashamedly relieved and happy to no longer be on the receiving end of the cruel taunting of high school teenagers. Nothing hurt more than not fitting in, than not being accepted. Now there was a new target and as long as it meant that Mimi would be left alone, she was more than willing to join in.
Then the mysterious girl turned out to be the girl guys would die for, a gorgeous beauty with a perfect figure that she started showing off in designer clothes. She started wearing makeup and styling her hair in many different appealing ways. The boys that had taunted her now loved her for purely superficial reasons and the insecure girls hated her even more.
But Chloe didn't have to worry or deal with any of these depthless and frivolous people that she acted like were so much beneath her, because she had the total devotion and affections of one of the most revered people of Salem High and she was friends with two more people who were worshipped by all also.
Mimi grew more and more uneasy, more and more envious, letting it start to eat her up inside, as she feared losing her three best and closest friends forever.
****
"Philip you said it, we both made mistakes. But you did so much for me too. No one in my life, my lonely life, was ever as gentle, patient, or giving as you. With you I learned to not be so angry, to stop hiding behind the dark clothes and glasses-"
Philip quietly cut her off. "Brady did that for you, not me. I just made you unhappy most of the time." He looked away from her, gazing out into the misty prelude of night.
Chloe protested, reaching for him, turning him around to face her. "No, no. You did that Philip. Remember, I told you that night at the riverbanks, that you made me think of more than just my music and of always being so serious. You helped me so much and the truth is I don't even think I would be as comfortable and happy as I am with Brady now if it wasn't for you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you take the blame so much of the time for what went wrong with our relationship. I know that many of the mistakes you made were simply because you cared about me so much, that you loved me and that that can make people do unpredictable things."
"Yeah, you know that because you love Brady, something you could never do with me or say, because you never loved me."
"You're wrong Philip. I did love you. I just never told you. I was so afraid to. Do you understand what I'm saying Philip Kiriakis? I'm saying that you were my first love, my first true love."
Philip looked at her with shock, closing his eyes tight.
Oh...the words he had hoped and prayed for, for so long..she had finally said them.
****
Brady knew after seeing them a couple more times around town that they were getting closer and closer. But unlike with Chloe, Philip looked relaxed completely, at ease and happy with Mimi. He was himself again, confident, fun, humorous, but also more grown up now. And she looked truly happy too, no longer involved with cruel plans to hurt anyone. She now had more focus and drive.
It was incredibly simple to see: They were just plain good for each other; they were helping each other heal from still open painful wounds that had yet to close up.
****
When he opened his eyes again, after a long while, there were tears welling up behind them. "I waited so long for you to say those words, but now that you have-"
"They don't mean the same thing to you that you thought they would before, do they?" Tears were starting to fall down from her eyes too as she now knew for certain, felt it deep inside her, they were letting each other go, finally, totally, completely.
There was a bit of sadness in Philip's eyes. Finally, it was ending, the way it had to, with both of them being consummately honest with each other, holding nothing back. "No. But thank you for telling me. You don't know how much it means. I needed to hear it from you." The tears that were threatening to come out from his weary eyes were making their way up more to the front, waiting to be released.
Both thought, oh how much they needed to do this, but how supremely hard it was too.
They reached for each other's hands, standing across from each other, holding them, using the comforting touch to keep them upright.
****
She plotted without thinking of the horrible consequences and she paid the price.
But now she had learned that hatred would get her nowhere. She needed to focus on making her life better and stop feeling sorry for herself. Philip had told her once that if she wanted people to like her, SHE needed to like herself first. He had helped her so much and she knew she had helped him too.
But there was still the uneasiness.his first love. She was a force that Mimi still felt incredibly inferior too. Philip had professed his love for her openly, but with Mimi, he wanted to take things slow. That was okay, right?
Or did it mean.did it mean something she didn't want to face?
****
"I was afraid to tell you how I felt because I thought if I did it would just end and so I was cold and-"
"No, no. You were just being yourself. I loved you so much. I wanted to give you everything and I never wanted you to worry about anything, but I.I went too far and I lost who I was. I couldn't even find myself anymore so I latched onto you, holding on desperately tight, strangling you with my jealousy and possessiveness-"
"But you were going through so much with your family and everything. I knew that. I-"
Both spoke softly, heartbreakingly together.
"It just wasn't meant to be."
They continued to hold onto each other's hands, helping each other heal from the past.
****
Brady was happy that Philip and Mimi could help each other, just as he and Chloe had helped each other. All four of them deserved to be happy. And what was taking place, right now, down those steps, was the start of that..
****
The tears were flowing freely down both of their faces now as they faced each other, more unified than ever, because for the first time they were being totally honest with one another.
"I have to tell you, Brady makes me happy. He truly does, but I.at first I wasn't sure how I felt about you moving on with someone new."
"Really?" Philip looked at her with surprise. He hadn't realized it would affect her.
"Yes. And it's Mimi isn't it? She's helped you?"
"Yeah. I know how you feel about her and I can't blame-"
She cut him off. "It's okay. You're right, I don't really like her much and I probably never will, but I want for you to be happy so much and she does that, doesn't she? She makes you happy?"
"Yeah. I mean, it's just a start, but.I'm not going to rush this. We're friends first and that means so much to me."
"I know. That's like how I feel about Brady. But I need you to know." Her voice broke off as the sobs that started to come from her started to choke her.
Philip held onto her hands tighter, supporting her. "I will always care for you." She let out in a choked whisper.
Philip's voice too came close to breaking, as he uttered words to mirror her own. "I will always care for you too Chloe. Always."
Then they surrendered to the arms of each other, feeling mutual support, mutual caring and finally mutual relief. They had done it.
Philip felt her tears against his face as he held her tightly in his arms, one last time.
Chloe felt his tears as she embraced him back, saying goodbye.
They pulled away from each other slowly, their own and each other's tears now staining their faces.
He brought her lips to his and kissed her one last time, gently, softly and all too quickly.
She kissed him back, one last time.
****
Someone watched them, silently, then ran off into the embarking evening.
****
Brady turned around. Had somebody been there? What was that noise he just heard? He looked around, finding nothing.
****
It was a kiss of parting, not meant to hurt those that they now felt most close to, for they cherished those people, they were their best friends.
They let go of each other gradually, smiling at one another with total understanding and acceptance.
"Be happy Chloe."
"You too Philip. You be happy also."
"Friends?"
She responded to his question, grateful that he asked with no uncertainty. He already knew the answer.
"Forever."
They let go of each other.
He turned away from her and she turned away from him, looking out at the beginnings of the misty night.
Slowly he walked up the steps.reaching the top.
Brady turned around. He could see that Philip had been crying. Oh, how hard this must have been for the two of them.
"She needs you. You should go to her." Philip spoke quietly.
Brady just nodded his head.
Philip spoke before Brady could start walking down the steps to the one he cared for more than anything.
"Brady, take care of her, okay?"
Brady knew that couldn't have been easy for him to say. "You know I will."
"Yeah." Philip did know that.
"Philip?"
"Yeah?"
"You're my family and I want you to know, that it's important to me that you're happy too."
Philip knew those words couldn't of been easy for Brady and it felt good to not be sparring with him. "Well, I think I finally will be."
They smiled at each other. Then Philip watched Brady go down the steps, watched as he walked over to Chloe, watched her move gratefully into his arms. "Goodbye Angel." Philip whispered and walked off into the night.
A smile came to his face, growing more and more as he realized a great burden had been taken off him. He could move on now. The ties had been broken and he was ready.
Another smile came to his face as he thought of Mimi, oh.how she had helped him. Her kiss, the feel of her lips.he wanted to see her.needed to be with her.
He took out his cell phone and dialed.
****
With shaking wet hands she put the phone down, sitting down in disbelief..
She sank down on her bed, curling up dishearteningly.
Why?
Chapter 35: Incredulity
Philip was on his way to his best friend's house, feeling freer than he had in a long time. He did it. He let everything go with Chloe and now they could both move on with their lives. It hadn't been easy, but now that it was over, he knew he'd done the right thing. They both had. Now they could be friends. It might be a little awkward at first, but with time.
After that emotional meeting, he called Mimi, but she hadn't been home so he decided to try later and went over to Java café, bought a mocha and went to the park to think. The ground was covered with snow he noticed, as he sat down on one of the empty swings. It was from the most recent storm, the one he and Mimi had come close to.
It was scary to think of how they could have perished in that blizzard, how fortunate they were that they found that cabin. Well, he saw it at first and then she found it when they were at their most desperate hour. It was becoming typical of their growing relationship, helping each other, working with each other.
The night hadn't been all about survival though. Finally, he kissed her and she kissed him right back, proving that she believed completely in reciprocation. It was the story of the bond they shared, caring for each other, laughing with each other, smiling for each other, listening to each other and just plain being there for one another. All of that, he felt in their kiss, a kiss that would have been so simplistic if it hadn't been based on months of connecting with one another. It had taken them so long, but now he knew; it was well worth the wait.
Was it love? No, it couldn't be. They hadn't even gone out on a real date yet, but they were about to change that little detail. But even though it might not be love, he knew it was something very special, something very knew to him.
The truth was, as much as he probably would've denied it before, he and Chloe were never really friends. He was still insulting her just hours before the night he was calling her beautiful. And yes he did love her, but in many ways he barely knew her too. It went both ways though. She also barely knew him. Now he realized why he felt inadequate, not good enough for her and why she also at times seemed not completely comfortable with him. He knew now too, for certain, that it wasn't anyone's fault, that they just weren't meant to be together, forever. But he learned a lot from their relationship too and now he could look back on it without remorse, just with fondness.
With Mimi, there was friendship first, possibly because neither of them was even looking for a relationship when they started growing closer. It kept them from hiding things. They were totally upfront with one another, even if it meant talking about difficult subjects. But they also had so much fun with each other, feeling totally relaxed in the company of the other. Maybe it would lead to.
Well, he'd just have to wait and see.
He reached for the radio, began pushing some buttons and let those dimples show as a very familiar song came on, a song that held special meaning.
"Baby let's cruise away from here
Don't be confused, the way is clear."
He laughed softly, thinking how they had danced to this song months ago, the first time they danced together. He started singing along with the music, a big smile on his face.
****
Finally, she sat up, feeling it would be impossible to shed any more tears. She knew it. It was too good to be true. Boston and that quaint little cabin had all been just a fantasy world. Cold reality had once again sunk in. Her body had ceased to shake as she just sat there, numb.
She had seen them together and she ran, ran far away, until it felt like her lungs would burst from the cold and exertion. Then she looked around, noticing she was at the park, the place they had played together so many times as children. She sat down on one of the swings, shaking, letting the sorrow her eyes felt, finally loose.
No, no, no, no this isn't happening her heart screamed, but her mind new better. She saw it with her own two eyes; the seeds of doubt had been just waiting to be fertilized and now...
They kissed. She saw them.
Were they getting back together? No, she didn't honestly believe that, especially because she could've of sworn she saw Brady at the top of the steps, nearby where she had watched them. Thank goodness he hadn't noticed her.
They were probably just saying goodbye to each other, but that didn't lessen the hurt. If it was just a simple good-bye, why didn't he tell her where he was going and what he was going to do? Why had he seemed so secretive? So many questions. Why did he want to take it slow with her, when with the love of his life he had delved into it without question, without holding back?
The answer was right in front of your face, you fool, she chastised herself. You're a replacement, the consolation prize, second choice. He couldn't have her so he settled for you, even if he didn't realize it. Of course it made sense. She didn't have all that beauty, that mystery, that air about her that all the guys were just so transfixed by. She was just herself and for some reason, it seemed that would never be good enough.
Sure, she could just be happy with it. But that night, when he kissed her and made her promise something he also changed her. With any other guy it probably would be fine, but not with him. Never with him. He meant too much to her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't be just second best.
And so now she knew what she had to do. As painful as this was going to be and as much as it was going to tear her apart, she knew.
She had no other choice.
****
Philip let the side gate close behind him and walked into the Lockhart backyard, the snow crunching underneath his feet. Above, the night sky let out very little light, making it hard to see. "Meems?" He called out questioningly. Where was she?
Mimi steeled herself from where she sat underneath the large tree that was standing in the middle of her backyard, preparing herself. "I'm over here." She called out quietly.
Like that helps a lot, Philip ruefully thought. Then he saw a small light and walked towards it, finally seeing her sitting underneath the tree, though her face was partially hidden by the darkness. He shivered, feeling the undeniable winter chill. "There you are! Why did you ask me to meet you out here, huh? It's freezing! Come over here so we can keep each other both warm!" Philip looked down at her, speaking good naturedly, yet shivering a little from the icy weather. She better come join him or he was going to sweep her up off that snow into his arms.
She barely felt the cold. She was desensitized to it. She had already wiped her tears away after burying the pain deep deep inside her. Nothing could hurt her anymore. At least, that was what she thought. "No. I need to talk to you."
Philip smiled. "Fine, we can talk all you want, but first come here or I'm going to come get you." He added that last part jokingly, taken aback when she reacted to it urgently and suddenly.
"NO! You just stay there. I have to say something and I need you to listen to me. I don't want you to come closer, do you understand?" She had rehearsed what to say. And she knew she couldn't say those words if he was too close to her. She wouldn't have the strength to.
Philip looked at her with shock, at the eyes that seemed to be doing everything they could to avoid looking at his. Her expression, the little bit he could see of it, lit only by the small light she had beside her, seemed so serious. "Mimi-"
She cut him off right away.
"Do you understand?"
Her voice held no room for argument. Philip wondered desperately what was wrong with her? "Yes. I understand. Just calm down okay." He squatted down in the cold damp snow, amazed that she could be sitting on it and not feel the icy coldness. From what it looked like, she didn't have a blanket underneath her or anything to keep her warm, but he was still having a hard time actually seeing her that well anyway. It was just too damn dark. As he moved to sit down in the snow also, he noticed her back away more.
"I said to not come any closer." She couldn't let him get anywhere near her. She had to do this.
"Hey, I'm just sitting, alright? I'll keep my distance. Just tell me what's wrong, okay? When I called earlier, you weren't home. Oh man, did someone hurt you?" He looked at her desperately, hoping nothing had happened to her. But she had been attacked that one time.He got up quickly, ready to check on her, not thinking about what he was doing.
Mimi got up quickly too, holding her hand out in front of her to get him to back off. "I'm fine. Nothing happened to me! Just stay there and listen."
Philip shook his head, disbelieving of her actions. What was going on? He stood where he was though, not getting any closer, waiting for her to continue, trying to find some patience.
Mimi took a deep breath and began to talk. "Fine, now that we understand each other, I'm going to say what I have to say. I don't want to go out with you tonight."
Philip sighed in relief. "Oh my gosh, is that what this is about? Why didn't you just say so? We don't have to go out tonight. Are you tired, is that it?" He looked at her, noticing now that she was standing, now that he could see her face just a tad bit better, that her eyes looked a little worn. She must be drained, he thought, after everything they had gone through while out in that storm. He didn't know how much he was up for seeing a movie either after his emotional talk with Chloe. He put any of those thoughts into the back of his mind. He wanted to focus his attention on Mimi now. It would be so nice and comforting just to hold her in his arms. They could talk later. "Actually, I'm kind of beat too. Why don't we just stay here, but let's go inside to get out of the cold. Or we could go to my house, just relax and watch a movie there."
Mimi closed her eyes tightly, wanting to say to him yes, let's go do that. She wanted to feel his arms around her, for him to.NO! Her mind insisted. You have to do this. "No. You don't understand what I'm saying. I don't want to go out with you tonight, tomorrow night, not any night, not ever. I don't want to go out with you at all." Mimi looked him straight in the eye, still shaky, but hoping she was convincingly covering it up. Actually, she couldn't look him straight in the eye, because he was taller than her, so she looked up to his now shocked face, noticing he was wearing the same black clothes he had been wearing down on the pier. She wiped the thought of the pier out of her mind, focusing once again on her task.
Philip stared at her in bewilderment, vehemently trying to read what was going on behind those jade eyes that looked so dark underneath the evening sky. What did she just say? She didn't want to go out with him, ever? No, she couldn't mean that. There was no possible way! He looked down at the auburn haired girl standing far away from him, wearing blue jeans, a sweater, and her chocolate colored coat. "Mimi, come on. You don't mean that."
She took deep breaths, insistent on not letting his reaction get to her. "Yes I do and I'm not finished. You just don't understand."
"Well then, why don't you enlighten me?" He hadn't meant to sound so angry, but he was exhausted and had been looking forward to being with her, not talking about ending it before it had even begun.
She heard the bitterness in his voice, using it to give her strength. She was on automatic pilot, her words coming out without much thought, every part of her still numb. "We survived a harrowing experience and it made us very emotional, but it's over. We're alive and everything's okay. Reality's sunk back in and I realize now that it just isn't meant to be. We got caught up in the moment, in all the drama and it was a nice kiss and everything, but that's all it was. It didn't really mean anything."
Philip felt like she had slapped him in the face. He stared at her with disbelief, her cruel words making him feel ill. But if he could just get through to her, if he could get her to explain... "I don't believe you. I don't know why you're doing this, but there's something you're not telling me, isn't there?"
Mimi laughed coldly. "I know you think so highly of yourself Philip and honestly I'm not trying to be mean. It's just I don't want to go out with you. Why can't you understand that?"
It was Philip's turn to laugh, incredulously. "Why can't I understand that?! WE NEARLY DIED TOGETHER! I told you about the island, my nightmares, how scared I was! You told me about Kevin! We kissed! And I certainly thought it meant something---to both of us!! Now you tell me it meant NOTHING!! How can you even say that?!" He was yelling, his control completely gone, his mind turned off as his emotions took over.
Mimi continued to use his anger to give her the resolve she needed. She could see how intense his eyes were even in the dark. The tone of her voice, in contrast to his feeling one, was deadly calm. She spoke to him as if he were an impatient child. "I didn't say it meant NOTHING. It's just-"
Philip cut her off impatiently. "What? This was all just a game to you or something? What about the club, how we almost kissed in the car after? What about the night I didn't go to the dance so I could be with you? What about everything we've shared?! WH-"
She interrupted him. This whole time he had been talking about all the things they had shared in the last few months, she wondered if she was making the wrong choice, but then her mind told her, you're just going to end up hurt in the end. Better to break it off now! "Those times were great and everything, but it was just friendship, nothing more." He started to move closer to her and she moved away from him, apprehensively.
Philip stopped moving and just stood there, scrutinizing her, hoping to figure out what was making her act this way. It wasn't like her at all. She was being so cold and calculating. He closed his eyes silently, taking some deep breaths, working to calm himself. He wasn't getting anywhere with this yelling. He was so emotionally spent, but he would try his best to steady himself. He put his hands out towards her as a peace offering, speaking gently. "Meems, let's just calm down okay?" He moved in closer, reaching out for her. "Just tell me what's wrong."
She completely jolted him with her reaction, pushing him back hard, away from her. Philip took a shaky step back, nearly losing his balance from the force of her push. As the frosty night continued to permeate the atmosphere, bringing with it a chill to the air, Philip just stared at Mimi with disbelief.
The sounds of cars could be heard from the city streets, the sounds of the light breezes blowing through the trees, the sound of a dog barking, but in that dark bitterly cold backyard the two of them said nothing, just looking at each other silently.
"Mimi?" He could say no more. She might as well have knocked him down. He felt emotionally bruised. Whoever this was, it wasn't his dear friend. He didn't even try to keep the hurt out of his eyes as he ever so quietly whispered: "Meems?"
Mimi couldn't believe what she just did.OH, and the pain in his eyes, she just had to look away from it. She couldn't face it. She took another shaky step back. This was getting so ugly. Why couldn't he just take a hint and give up? She wasn't worth it. "I didn't want it to have to come to this, but hopefully now you understand that I MEAN it. I don't EVER want to go out with you Philip Kiriakis. We can be friends, but that's it. I don't want anything else. I-"
Philip cut her off again. "FINE." There was only one thing left and if this didn't work.well.
"If that's what you want then you come HERE and say it TO MY FACE. You look me in the eye Mimi Lockhart and say it!" He fixed her with a steadfast look, challenging her.
Mimi involuntarily shivered. A part of her just wanted to give this up and hold him close to her. That part of her wanted to apologize for pushing him and feel his arms around her. But then she remembered what she had seen tonight, feeling she couldn't give up on this. She moved up slowly, closer to him, filled with anxiety, hoping he couldn't see it.
Philip watched intently as Mimi came over to him. One part of him wanted to take her into his arms, but the other part felt terribly hurt by her cutting words. He acted distant as she stopped right in front of him; he spoke in an icy voice. "Now, you tell me that you don't ever want to go out with me."
Mimi looked down, nearly mumbling. "I don't ever want to go out with you."
Philip shook his head, not at all satisfied with her answer. "No way. You look me straight in the eyes and SAY those words. Go on. Do it." He stared down at her, unblinkingly.
Mimi looked up at him, finally seeing his blue eyes clearly, that now looked so dark and piercing, unyielding. You have to do this.you have to do this..you have to do this.. It was an endless mantra in her mind. She finally spoke, hoping her voice wouldn't break. "I don't EVER want to go out with you Philip Kiriakis."
There, she said it, but it hadn't made her feel any better. Now she just felt.
Philip looked down at her, not believing she had gone through with it, incredulous. She had said it in such an emotionless voice, but there was something about her eyes, something in them that just wasn't right.they weren't their normal shade of jade, more pale, like the life was drained out of them.
NO! You idiot, he thought! You've went through this before, holding desperately onto something that just wasn't meant to be! No more! He wasn't going to lose himself again. He grabbed Mimi by the arms, making her gasp, then let her go, like he couldn't stand the sight of her.
Mimi looked up at him, gasping when he grabbed her. For one second it felt like he was going to take her into his arms, but then he abruptly let go of her. What got to her even more though was the look in his eyes, how they were now the color of a raging ocean.
"Well why stop there, huh?" Why not go all the way?" Philip's voice was entirely joyless, his face stony. He was no longer even thinking, just reacting to the awful pain he felt deep inside of him.
"What do you mean?" Mimi shakily asked, fearing where this might be leading.
Philip spoke in a completely impersonal voice. "What I MEAN is end it all, EVERYTHING, the SO CALLED FRIENDSHIP, ALL OF IT."
Mimi could hear her voice trembling. No, no, please, let him not be saying this! "No, that's not what I meant! I still want us to be friends, you don't understand!!"
Philip laughed bitterly. "Oh I understand all too well. And I don't care right now about what you want. This is what I want. What is wrong with you anyway, huh, you like being such a cold, calculating little-"
Every nerve, every emotion in him was completely unraveled as he realized what he was doing.
("YOU FREAK!. GHOUL GIRL")
He ran a shaky hand through his hair, realizing he had almost done it again. He swore he would never do that again, call someone (especially someone he cared about) such vicious names. He had to get out of here. He couldn't do this anymore. She told him what she wanted. Now he just wanted to let it all go. He just wanted to stop feeling, because it hurt, oh. it hurt so much.
He looked into her now pained and shaky eyes and so badly wanted to just comfort her, cradling her into his arms, but he was just feeling so out of control. "I swore I would never do this again and I'm not going to. Let's just get one thing straight all right? We're not friends anymore. Now unfortunately we live in such a damn small town and we go to the same school together so we can't completely avoid each other, but I don't want you to talk to me anymore and I won't talk to you either. I don't want to have anything to do with you ever again. You got it?"
The tears were battling to be let go in her eyes, but somehow she held them back. This was a nightmare. Please, let her wake up from it. "Ph-"
He cut her off abruptly, coldly, needing to just get out of there. "Do you understand, yes or no?"
Mimi wanted to protest, but she had started this and now she had to face the consequences. "Y--yes I understand. I w--won't bother you ever again." She spoke the awful words and then turned away from him, unable to face him anymore.
Philip just watched her for a second, watched her back, feeling his eyes watering, knowing he had to leave. He swallowed hard, starting to walk across the yard, back to the gate.
Mimi listened to the sound of his boots moving through the snow, wanting to call him back, to run into his arms and never let go, but.
She mouthed his name, but just couldn't get her vocal cords to function.
Ph--Philip.
Philip took one last look back, now feeling the tears start to move down his face.not bothering to brush them away as he stepped through the gate.
Mimi waited until she heard the final sound of the car driving through the night, then finally let her body collapse, sinking down underneath the backyard tree.her sobs wracking her body, the pain coursing through every part of her as the tears fell down her face endlessly.
****
Philip stopped the car and pulled over, finally letting his head fall forward against the steering wheel, his body shaking with the overwhelming pain he felt, the tears falling from his face onto the steering wheel.
****
She lost her best friend.
He lost his best friend.
To be continued.
Okay, I know that was horrible, but there's some very substantial reasons I had this breakup happen. When I decided to write this story I knew there would have to be some painful moments, but not for just any old reason. It's to help them grow.
This will make their relationship even stronger, but even more importantly, it's going to make them even stronger as individuals. They're going to have to work through this, on their own and with other people, to learn more about themselves and each other.
This may seem to be all about Chloe, but it's not. There's a lot more to it as both of them will find out. And this is still a Phimi story. They will always be the main characters of this story.
Last of all, I've always found, the more heartbreaking the breakup, the more emotional and exciting the makeup! Hope you keep reading.
Mara
Chapter 36: Shadows
Mimi sat in her backyard, underneath the large tree, disbelieving. What had she done?! It was all just so horrible and she was the one who instigated it. WHY? She rested the back of her head against the tree, once again not even feeling the cold snow underneath where she sat.
[I don't ever want to go out with you again Philip Kiriakis.]
[I don't want to have anything to do with you ever again.]
She would never forget his face, the anger and pain in his eyes that she had caused. She hugged herself to keep warm, now starting to feel the cold again, her senses back to life. When she had told him those awful words, it was like every emotion, every sensation in her had been turned off, her heart hiding.
That kiss, oh how seeing that kiss had affected her. It was like her wake- up call. Ha, ha, ha.He'll never feel the same way about you. He'll never.
OH, it had been so easy when they were just friends, but then he saved her from that attacker, he was there for her when she was more terrified than she had ever been in her life. He showed her how gentle, tender and caring he could be. All of the sudden, her childhood friend had become her.
It was so easy when there was just Kevin and Shawn, because it had been a simple crush or just something she could brag about. Look everyone, Mimi has a guy! But then when her friendship with Philip started growing into something she had never in her life experienced before, she didn't really want to share it with anyone else. Even Belle, her best friend, hardly knew anything about it, because Mimi wanted to keep it just between them, their own little private world. And because.
When Philip had kept them both safe, out in that snowstorm, when she wanted to give up and he wouldn't let her, how he was her strength, her rock.
He comforted her, he made her laugh, he challenged her, he danced with her, he excited her, he cared for her, he helped her, he.
Her body started shaking again as the cold reality of what she had done sunk in completely, totally, like someone throwing water straight in her face.She ended it and.and.
She.
She couldn't be certain, right? She had no previous experience, no prior knowledge, but something, something deep inside her said it, sent the message.
It was her heart.it told her that she.
Maybe it was too early, maybe it made no sense, but it didn't matter, her heart told her why she was acting so irrationally, why something as simple as a goodbye kiss could tear her apart, why she no longer had control over her own senses.
Why she ached without him.
She was beginning to fall in love.
And it terrified her.
****
Philip sat down on the swing, thinking how just a while ago he had been in that same spot, sitting on that same swing, before he went to go see Mimi.
Meems.
He put the side of his face against the metal chains and sat there quietly, deep in thought.
[It didn't really mean anything.]
[you like being such a cold, calculating little-]
He sighed. Why was this happening? Why was she doing this? He kept racking his brain, trying to figure out what would make her do this? Or was he just a fool?
The cold dark night held no answers unfortunately as he closed his eyes wearily. There was nothing left in him anymore. First, he had ended it completely with Chloe and then all this with.with her.
He had gone over to her house, hoping they could just cuddle up for a while and be together. He just wanted to be with her, hear her laugh, react to her verbal wit, just relax with her.
But now, not only were they not going to be going out on any dates together, they also weren't going to communicate with each other at all, thanks to him. Her words had just hurt him so much and his emotions took over, making him say things he didn't even mean.
It's just, he was so upset with her! He never thought she could be so cruel. He couldn't take it.he had to leave. But ending their friendship.
He wanted to blame her, but he had learned in the past that blaming someone just got you nowhere. They had both hurt each other tonight and he didn't have any idea why.Where had all this come from?
He shook as he thought of how close he had come to calling her horrible things. He had been so ready to lash out, but then he thought of when he had called Chloe all the horrible names and somehow he stopped himself. Now he knew what it felt like to be turned on. to trust someone and have them spit in your face. Because that's what Mimi had done to him tonight.
And sadly, now he realized that's what he had done to the girl he had once professed to love.
How ironic.
****
He told her once something about her being strong, but she didn't see herself that way. A strong person wouldn't have run from being homeless and a strong person wouldn't have run from being in love.
It was fine when they were at the cabin, together ,alone, but when they got back home she felt all the insecurity again. She wasn't good enough for him, he would never care for her the way he had for Chloe, she'd do everything wrong, he'd get tired of her, their friendship would end.
That had been her worst fear, losing their friendship. Now she had lost it. Of course he had ended it. What was she thinking? That he wouldn't be upset?
She thought of how many times she told him how Chloe had hurt him and now she had done it herself. Why? Why, when she was hurt, did she run away and hide? Why couldn't she just face him and tell him the truth?
Mimi closed her eyes tightly, wishing she could find the answers so this nightmare could end.
****
Philip now finally realized a little bit how Chloe must have felt the night of the last blast, when he had turned on her. How could he have hurt someone that he loved, like that? He held his head in his hands, sighing. He couldn't keep going over the mistakes he had made in the past. It wasn't going to solve anything.
But tonight.
Something just wasn't right about the way Mimi was acting. What could have made her come to such a drastic decision? When he dropped her off at her house she had seemed fine.just a little.
He thought back to the way she had been acting.
[Meems, why?, why were you willing to settle for so little?]
[Oh that's easy for you to say. You could have any girl you want and you had someone you were in love with, but I]
~*~
[What's wrong Meems?]
[I just.I know we didn't plan any of this, but I've, it's been fun and wonderful being with you here.just us. I'm almost afraid to leave.]
[Why?]
[Because, what if it all changes once we get back to Salem?]
~*~
[Hey, you don't have to explain, but are you okay? You were acting almost like we weren't going to see each other again or something.]
[Yeah, I'm fine. I just get emotional I guess.]
He knew she had worried that once they got to Salem everything would change, but nothing had. They were going to go out together that night and he was looking forward to being with her, but then she just ended it. He sighed, running his hand through his hair wearily. No matter how much he thought about it, trying to figure out what went wrong, nothing came to him.
The icy dark night surrounded him as he looked up to the sky, finding no answers.
He whispered softly: "Why Meems? Why are you doing this? What are you afraid of?"
****
Mimi wished she knew what was wrong with her. She had treated Philip so horribly tonight, saying such terrible things to him, but she was scared, so scared that he would regret being with her after a while.
She knew that was no excuse. She had wanted to tell him what she saw, ask him about it, but.
She had stopped herself from feeling. She hadn't realized how hard it would be. She thought he would just let it go, not because he was uncaring, but because he could be with any girl of his choice. Why would he want to be with her?
But now, after seeing and feeling his pain, a part of her wished she could take everything back.
Oh, she was so confused.
She looked up at the starry sky, searching for a ray of hope, finding none, quietly whispering:
"I'm sorry Philip. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me."
****
No clear solutions, no absolute messages of hope came to the two weary souls for they were not yet ready to receive them. Too much pain and upset ran through their veins now to allow for any insight. The fragile heart had been buried way down deep inside and the sturdy brain had taken over, protecting it, for there was no real battle between the two. They were meant to work together, side by side, but for now one had to prevail over the other to keep it safe. In time, when the heart was strong enough to join with the brain, the rays of hope would appear, enlightening the two weary souls with the answers they needed.
Until then, each needed to travel on their own, alone, on a journey that would help them grow.
So for now, on this dark bitter night, a glimmer of hope appeared.to them both.
****
Mimi and Philip, in two separate places, heard the same thing, the sounds of guitars and the keys of a piano being played.
As the words of the song began it touched them deep down in their heart and soul, as rippling flashbacks of their building friendship and caring bond appeared in their minds.
"Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray"
{Deal?}
{Deal.}
"And it shines on you baby can't you see
You're the only one who can shine for me"
{Mimi, we have to stop meeting like this.}
{Believe me Philip this wasn't planned.}
"It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us"
{An 86!}
{WOO-HOO!.Meems, we did it! We passed! We did better than that! And next time, I bet we'll do even better! We have to celebrate!}
"As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it"
{Want to play a little one on one?}
{Okay Philly, you're on.}
"Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me"
{Touchdown.Now, did you hear what I said or should I repeat it?}
{Maybe you should.}
"Come to Me"
{G'night Meems.}
{G'night Phil.}
"When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one way street"
{Philip and Mimi continued to dance, their eyes closed, both smiling as they felt the pleasure of being close to each other, of growing closer.}
"Well it runs both ways open up your eyes
Can't you see me here how can you deny"
{I didn't know anything for sure. I just knew that you walked home alone, and believe me we are going to talk about THAT, but not now.I just had this feeling, this awful feeling that something was going to happen.and so I went after you.}
{And you saved me.}
"It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us"
{Please, just don't ever do anything like that again, okay? Always be honest with me.}
{I won't. I promise.}
"As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it"
{Oh, my gosh! Philip, what did you do to it?}
{You told me to cut it! It's all right! It's still edible! Now it really looks like the Titanic!}
"Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me"
{He whispered softly in her ear, then touched her cheek with the back of his hand, letting it fall slowly down her chin, to her shoulder, down her arm, till his hand was once again clasping hers.}
"Come to me"
{Ha, ha.you were jealous, you were jealous!}
{Was not!}
"Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray"
{May I have this dance?}
{What are you doing here?}
"It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here till your tears run dry"
{I want you to know, I had a great time tonight, 'cause I was with you. And I know we're going to have a wonderful time in Boston. It'll be so cool.just us, don't you think?}
{Yeah, I think it will and I enjoyed every minute tonight too.when I was with you.}
"It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us"
{We're not going to make it are we? We're going to die?}
{No, Meems, I swear I won't let that happen. I'm going to protect you.}
"As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it"
{He held her face in his hands and his lips finally met with hers}
"Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me"
{Promise me. Promise me, you'll never settle for second best, because you deserve more. Promise me.}
{I promise. I won't.}
"Come to me"
As the song began to fade both Philip and Mimi, in places apart from one another, looked to find where was it coming from.
Philip finally saw what looked like someone in the shadows with a radio, but little by little, because of the dark night, the person seemed to almost fade away.
Mimi heard it as if it were coming from one of the nearby houses, but couldn't seem to figure out which one.
But as the song ended, both felt the tiniest bit of renewed hope.maybe they could make it through this.
Maybe they could even find their way back to each other, somehow.
Philip whispered into the night, as if he were calling her:
"Come to me."
Mimi whispered into the night, as if she were calling him:
"Come to me."
~*~
The heart was just beginning to find strength.
'Private Emotion' by Ricky Martin, sung with Meja
Quotes within parentheses are actual quotes taken from Days of our lives and the words are from the writers of the show.
Sitting down on her bed, she hung up the phone.
She closed her eyes tightly, every emotion in her to the point of.
She saw when they had kissed.
and then she saw.
She knew what she had to do.
After all.
He made her promise.
~Earlier~
Mimi couldn't believe that any of this was happening to her, that the last couple of days really happened.
That the last couple of hours happened.
When she had been on the island, she had been excited when Kevin and her kissed, but something had been missing. It had all been so physical, yet there had been very little emotion, very little feeling. They had kissed passionately, or had they? True passion should have some kind of affection, right? But there had been so little. It wasn't anyone's fault. Kevin and her had barely known each other. So why had she been so willing to go all the way?
Maybe a part of her believed there wouldn't be another chance.
She was the girl that the guys liked to joke around with and tease, but beyond that not much happened. She wasn't the girlfriend type. At least she had started to believe that. Would somebody ever really care for her as more than just a friend? The answer to that was in a friend.
A special friend.
****
~Earlier across town~
He got into his dad's car, dressed in black jeans, a charcoal colored sweater and a black leather jacket. He started the car and drove.drove to a place that held memories, once, haunting memories of the past.
("What is wrong with you sneaking up on me like that.")
("Why Chloe, what makes you think you're better than everybody else.")
("I was defending myself.")
("You're way too defensive.")
("Everybody's taking a shot at me.")
("You're really pretty.")
Philip sighed. That night she sang at Shawn's party, her voice amazed him, enchanted him. He found her on the pier and they talked, finally really talked to each other, though there was still so much she held back. Then he practically betrayed her by telling her to keep their meeting a secret. But that was where it had begun.
And now.
That was where it would end.
He pulled into the parking lot near the pier. He turned off the engine and just sat there.
Now that the time had come, he realized how hard this was going to be.letting go of his first true love.
Finally, with a sigh, he got out of the car and made his way toward the pier, toward the steps that led down to the waterfront.
****
Mimi sighed, closing her eyes, thinking about when Philip kissed her. He was so gentle, so caring, and just so romantic. He had been so brave and strong in that storm, yet so understanding of her fears. And he made her smile and laugh too, sometimes acting so goofy.
****
"Listen, the reason why I called is because I need to talk to you." Philip looked at her. She was wearing a dark blue coat, with black pants and a blue top. She looked so different, yet in some ways like she did that night that they had talked in this same place. Then, she had worn dark glasses and clothes that covered her up so much. But he had noticed her eyes, those amazing eyes that now were exposed.
"I need to talk to you too." Chloe looked up at Philip, noticing that he was dressed in all black and that his hair was getting longer, making him look older, but he still had those dimples, though they weren't that noticeable right now.
Philip finished coming down the few remaining steps and stood side by side with Chloe. She quietly walked over to the area where he had first seen her genuinely smile and let her guard down a little, where he had offered to walk her home. He watched her, noticing her undeniable beauty, not just physical, but inside too. She had been such a mystery to him and it had been so challenging trying to figure it out, to understand why she hid so much of herself. He dedicated himself to it, to making her happy, and he thought he had succeeded for a while.
But then.
Chloe heard him come over to stand by her, in the same place they had talked on that night that now seemed so long ago.
"Philip-"
"Chloe-"
They had both spoken at the exact same moment. They looked at each other shyly.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. How about you?"
"I'm doing alright. Listen Chloe, I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got so possessive and I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I only wanted to show how much I loved you, but I got too serious too fast and I lost myself along the way."
"But Philip, I made mistakes too. I hurt you also and I never meant to. I'm sorry. You always said I was perfect, but that just wasn't true."
"I know. I know you weren't perfect. And I know I wasn't the only one who made mistakes. We both did. We hurt each other."
Chloe just stared at him. Finally, he wasn't speaking to her as if she was some flawless fantasy figure. He was treating her like a human being, flaws and all.
****
Brady sat on a bench near the top of the pier steps. He brought Chloe to the docks so she could meet and talk with Philip, but he had stayed up on top to give them their privacy. He should be jealous, right?
The truth was he really wasn't. He knew they would always care about each other and that was fine because now he knew, they had both moved on. But one thing still held them back, the fact that they hadn't talked to each other about it. Now they could finally let everything go and be friends.
He knew first love could be painful, especially when you were young and still trying to figure out your own life. He had gone through it himself, but with time, he healed and now the relationship he shared with Chloe was just so unique, like them.
After the island, when Brady had truly come to realize his feelings for her, he had still been hesitant. He had asked her to choose between the two of them, but first he had visited with a still weak and tired Philip. Brady had been the one to find him in very bad shape and almost not breathing. He had watched Victor Kiriakis, his grandfather, one of the strongest men he knew, nearly break down at the sight of his son so gravely injured; he had watched him hold Philip in his arms praying for him to live. Chloe had broken down completely, leaning on Brady for support while they waited to see if he would live or die.
All of the drama had made Brady realize that Philip was his family and that he wanted him to live, be well and be happy. When he went to go see him, Philip thanked him for saving his life, then told him he had seen Brady and Chloe together and knew that they were becoming more than friends. Brady protested, telling Philip that if he and Chloe really wanted to be together, that he (Brady) wouldn't get in the way. He knew his words had surprised Philip. They had surprised himself, but Chloe had chosen Brady and Philip said HE would be the one to not interfere, for the time being at least.
****
"Surprised that I still don't think you're perfect?" Philip cringed at his voice, not meaning for it to sound so harsh.
Chloe answered defensively. "I never wanted you to think of me that way."
Philip apologized in a conciliatory tone. "I know. I'm sorry. I guess I've said that to you a lot: I'm sorry. What can I say?"
Chloe reached out for Philip's hand, holding it. "But you gave me so much too Philip. You were the first boy who cared about what was behind the glasses and dark clothes. You were the first boy to like me, to kiss me. You treated me like a princess."
Philip looked into her eyes, feeling her holding his hand, just holding it, her fingers still. "But I didn't make you happy, did I? Truly happy?"
He waited for her answer as she just silently stood there.
****
Mimi walked out of the house, pulling her coat tighter around her as she felt the cold late afternoon chill. She smiled, thinking of Philip. They were going to go out tonight and she couldn't wait. She still wondered what he had to do. She supposed she could wait to find out when she saw him.
She was still kind of insecure. After all, he was the big man on campus and she---she was just Mimi. When she thought of his unbelievable kisses.ah..well, that helped ease her fears.at least most of them.
But there was still one.
****
Philip had recovered and gone on with his life while Brady and Chloe spent more and more time together. But Brady knew that Philip and Chloe couldn't avoid each other that much longer. Eventually, they would need to talk to each other.
Then Brady saw Philip and Mimi...together.
That day at the park and Brady started to wonder.
Hmmm, was Philip moving on? One thing had gotten to Brady about seeing them, and that was how relaxed they seemed with each other and that they seemed to be having fun. It made Brady feel good, to see Philip smiling again, truly smiling and laughing.
****
Chloe felt Philip remove his hand from hers gently and watched him turn away as she continued to say nothing.
Finally, she spoke up, touching Philip's arm. "Oh Philip, but you did make me happy, very happy. You taught me not to be angry all the time, to trust a little more." She looked at him, searching his light blue eyes with her darker ones.
"And I betrayed that trust, right? Over and over again. I used you as a bet, I didn't tell you about my father, I became insanely jealous, and worst of all, I turned on you that night, that night it all ended, calling you unspeakable names. I did that to the girl I loved and I don't even really know why. How could I do something so horrible?"
He looked to her, hoping in his mind that she could give him the answer because if he had done these things once, could he do them again, with someone else?
Chloe looked into his pained eyes, wishing desperately to know what to say, hoping she would be able to find the right words to use. They both needed to find the right things to say so they could heal.
****
She had teased her from the moment she came to Salem, ashamedly relieved and happy to no longer be on the receiving end of the cruel taunting of high school teenagers. Nothing hurt more than not fitting in, than not being accepted. Now there was a new target and as long as it meant that Mimi would be left alone, she was more than willing to join in.
Then the mysterious girl turned out to be the girl guys would die for, a gorgeous beauty with a perfect figure that she started showing off in designer clothes. She started wearing makeup and styling her hair in many different appealing ways. The boys that had taunted her now loved her for purely superficial reasons and the insecure girls hated her even more.
But Chloe didn't have to worry or deal with any of these depthless and frivolous people that she acted like were so much beneath her, because she had the total devotion and affections of one of the most revered people of Salem High and she was friends with two more people who were worshipped by all also.
Mimi grew more and more uneasy, more and more envious, letting it start to eat her up inside, as she feared losing her three best and closest friends forever.
****
"Philip you said it, we both made mistakes. But you did so much for me too. No one in my life, my lonely life, was ever as gentle, patient, or giving as you. With you I learned to not be so angry, to stop hiding behind the dark clothes and glasses-"
Philip quietly cut her off. "Brady did that for you, not me. I just made you unhappy most of the time." He looked away from her, gazing out into the misty prelude of night.
Chloe protested, reaching for him, turning him around to face her. "No, no. You did that Philip. Remember, I told you that night at the riverbanks, that you made me think of more than just my music and of always being so serious. You helped me so much and the truth is I don't even think I would be as comfortable and happy as I am with Brady now if it wasn't for you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you take the blame so much of the time for what went wrong with our relationship. I know that many of the mistakes you made were simply because you cared about me so much, that you loved me and that that can make people do unpredictable things."
"Yeah, you know that because you love Brady, something you could never do with me or say, because you never loved me."
"You're wrong Philip. I did love you. I just never told you. I was so afraid to. Do you understand what I'm saying Philip Kiriakis? I'm saying that you were my first love, my first true love."
Philip looked at her with shock, closing his eyes tight.
Oh...the words he had hoped and prayed for, for so long..she had finally said them.
****
Brady knew after seeing them a couple more times around town that they were getting closer and closer. But unlike with Chloe, Philip looked relaxed completely, at ease and happy with Mimi. He was himself again, confident, fun, humorous, but also more grown up now. And she looked truly happy too, no longer involved with cruel plans to hurt anyone. She now had more focus and drive.
It was incredibly simple to see: They were just plain good for each other; they were helping each other heal from still open painful wounds that had yet to close up.
****
When he opened his eyes again, after a long while, there were tears welling up behind them. "I waited so long for you to say those words, but now that you have-"
"They don't mean the same thing to you that you thought they would before, do they?" Tears were starting to fall down from her eyes too as she now knew for certain, felt it deep inside her, they were letting each other go, finally, totally, completely.
There was a bit of sadness in Philip's eyes. Finally, it was ending, the way it had to, with both of them being consummately honest with each other, holding nothing back. "No. But thank you for telling me. You don't know how much it means. I needed to hear it from you." The tears that were threatening to come out from his weary eyes were making their way up more to the front, waiting to be released.
Both thought, oh how much they needed to do this, but how supremely hard it was too.
They reached for each other's hands, standing across from each other, holding them, using the comforting touch to keep them upright.
****
She plotted without thinking of the horrible consequences and she paid the price.
But now she had learned that hatred would get her nowhere. She needed to focus on making her life better and stop feeling sorry for herself. Philip had told her once that if she wanted people to like her, SHE needed to like herself first. He had helped her so much and she knew she had helped him too.
But there was still the uneasiness.his first love. She was a force that Mimi still felt incredibly inferior too. Philip had professed his love for her openly, but with Mimi, he wanted to take things slow. That was okay, right?
Or did it mean.did it mean something she didn't want to face?
****
"I was afraid to tell you how I felt because I thought if I did it would just end and so I was cold and-"
"No, no. You were just being yourself. I loved you so much. I wanted to give you everything and I never wanted you to worry about anything, but I.I went too far and I lost who I was. I couldn't even find myself anymore so I latched onto you, holding on desperately tight, strangling you with my jealousy and possessiveness-"
"But you were going through so much with your family and everything. I knew that. I-"
Both spoke softly, heartbreakingly together.
"It just wasn't meant to be."
They continued to hold onto each other's hands, helping each other heal from the past.
****
Brady was happy that Philip and Mimi could help each other, just as he and Chloe had helped each other. All four of them deserved to be happy. And what was taking place, right now, down those steps, was the start of that..
****
The tears were flowing freely down both of their faces now as they faced each other, more unified than ever, because for the first time they were being totally honest with one another.
"I have to tell you, Brady makes me happy. He truly does, but I.at first I wasn't sure how I felt about you moving on with someone new."
"Really?" Philip looked at her with surprise. He hadn't realized it would affect her.
"Yes. And it's Mimi isn't it? She's helped you?"
"Yeah. I know how you feel about her and I can't blame-"
She cut him off. "It's okay. You're right, I don't really like her much and I probably never will, but I want for you to be happy so much and she does that, doesn't she? She makes you happy?"
"Yeah. I mean, it's just a start, but.I'm not going to rush this. We're friends first and that means so much to me."
"I know. That's like how I feel about Brady. But I need you to know." Her voice broke off as the sobs that started to come from her started to choke her.
Philip held onto her hands tighter, supporting her. "I will always care for you." She let out in a choked whisper.
Philip's voice too came close to breaking, as he uttered words to mirror her own. "I will always care for you too Chloe. Always."
Then they surrendered to the arms of each other, feeling mutual support, mutual caring and finally mutual relief. They had done it.
Philip felt her tears against his face as he held her tightly in his arms, one last time.
Chloe felt his tears as she embraced him back, saying goodbye.
They pulled away from each other slowly, their own and each other's tears now staining their faces.
He brought her lips to his and kissed her one last time, gently, softly and all too quickly.
She kissed him back, one last time.
****
Someone watched them, silently, then ran off into the embarking evening.
****
Brady turned around. Had somebody been there? What was that noise he just heard? He looked around, finding nothing.
****
It was a kiss of parting, not meant to hurt those that they now felt most close to, for they cherished those people, they were their best friends.
They let go of each other gradually, smiling at one another with total understanding and acceptance.
"Be happy Chloe."
"You too Philip. You be happy also."
"Friends?"
She responded to his question, grateful that he asked with no uncertainty. He already knew the answer.
"Forever."
They let go of each other.
He turned away from her and she turned away from him, looking out at the beginnings of the misty night.
Slowly he walked up the steps.reaching the top.
Brady turned around. He could see that Philip had been crying. Oh, how hard this must have been for the two of them.
"She needs you. You should go to her." Philip spoke quietly.
Brady just nodded his head.
Philip spoke before Brady could start walking down the steps to the one he cared for more than anything.
"Brady, take care of her, okay?"
Brady knew that couldn't have been easy for him to say. "You know I will."
"Yeah." Philip did know that.
"Philip?"
"Yeah?"
"You're my family and I want you to know, that it's important to me that you're happy too."
Philip knew those words couldn't of been easy for Brady and it felt good to not be sparring with him. "Well, I think I finally will be."
They smiled at each other. Then Philip watched Brady go down the steps, watched as he walked over to Chloe, watched her move gratefully into his arms. "Goodbye Angel." Philip whispered and walked off into the night.
A smile came to his face, growing more and more as he realized a great burden had been taken off him. He could move on now. The ties had been broken and he was ready.
Another smile came to his face as he thought of Mimi, oh.how she had helped him. Her kiss, the feel of her lips.he wanted to see her.needed to be with her.
He took out his cell phone and dialed.
****
With shaking wet hands she put the phone down, sitting down in disbelief..
She sank down on her bed, curling up dishearteningly.
Why?
Chapter 35: Incredulity
Philip was on his way to his best friend's house, feeling freer than he had in a long time. He did it. He let everything go with Chloe and now they could both move on with their lives. It hadn't been easy, but now that it was over, he knew he'd done the right thing. They both had. Now they could be friends. It might be a little awkward at first, but with time.
After that emotional meeting, he called Mimi, but she hadn't been home so he decided to try later and went over to Java café, bought a mocha and went to the park to think. The ground was covered with snow he noticed, as he sat down on one of the empty swings. It was from the most recent storm, the one he and Mimi had come close to.
It was scary to think of how they could have perished in that blizzard, how fortunate they were that they found that cabin. Well, he saw it at first and then she found it when they were at their most desperate hour. It was becoming typical of their growing relationship, helping each other, working with each other.
The night hadn't been all about survival though. Finally, he kissed her and she kissed him right back, proving that she believed completely in reciprocation. It was the story of the bond they shared, caring for each other, laughing with each other, smiling for each other, listening to each other and just plain being there for one another. All of that, he felt in their kiss, a kiss that would have been so simplistic if it hadn't been based on months of connecting with one another. It had taken them so long, but now he knew; it was well worth the wait.
Was it love? No, it couldn't be. They hadn't even gone out on a real date yet, but they were about to change that little detail. But even though it might not be love, he knew it was something very special, something very knew to him.
The truth was, as much as he probably would've denied it before, he and Chloe were never really friends. He was still insulting her just hours before the night he was calling her beautiful. And yes he did love her, but in many ways he barely knew her too. It went both ways though. She also barely knew him. Now he realized why he felt inadequate, not good enough for her and why she also at times seemed not completely comfortable with him. He knew now too, for certain, that it wasn't anyone's fault, that they just weren't meant to be together, forever. But he learned a lot from their relationship too and now he could look back on it without remorse, just with fondness.
With Mimi, there was friendship first, possibly because neither of them was even looking for a relationship when they started growing closer. It kept them from hiding things. They were totally upfront with one another, even if it meant talking about difficult subjects. But they also had so much fun with each other, feeling totally relaxed in the company of the other. Maybe it would lead to.
Well, he'd just have to wait and see.
He reached for the radio, began pushing some buttons and let those dimples show as a very familiar song came on, a song that held special meaning.
"Baby let's cruise away from here
Don't be confused, the way is clear."
He laughed softly, thinking how they had danced to this song months ago, the first time they danced together. He started singing along with the music, a big smile on his face.
****
Finally, she sat up, feeling it would be impossible to shed any more tears. She knew it. It was too good to be true. Boston and that quaint little cabin had all been just a fantasy world. Cold reality had once again sunk in. Her body had ceased to shake as she just sat there, numb.
She had seen them together and she ran, ran far away, until it felt like her lungs would burst from the cold and exertion. Then she looked around, noticing she was at the park, the place they had played together so many times as children. She sat down on one of the swings, shaking, letting the sorrow her eyes felt, finally loose.
No, no, no, no this isn't happening her heart screamed, but her mind new better. She saw it with her own two eyes; the seeds of doubt had been just waiting to be fertilized and now...
They kissed. She saw them.
Were they getting back together? No, she didn't honestly believe that, especially because she could've of sworn she saw Brady at the top of the steps, nearby where she had watched them. Thank goodness he hadn't noticed her.
They were probably just saying goodbye to each other, but that didn't lessen the hurt. If it was just a simple good-bye, why didn't he tell her where he was going and what he was going to do? Why had he seemed so secretive? So many questions. Why did he want to take it slow with her, when with the love of his life he had delved into it without question, without holding back?
The answer was right in front of your face, you fool, she chastised herself. You're a replacement, the consolation prize, second choice. He couldn't have her so he settled for you, even if he didn't realize it. Of course it made sense. She didn't have all that beauty, that mystery, that air about her that all the guys were just so transfixed by. She was just herself and for some reason, it seemed that would never be good enough.
Sure, she could just be happy with it. But that night, when he kissed her and made her promise something he also changed her. With any other guy it probably would be fine, but not with him. Never with him. He meant too much to her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't be just second best.
And so now she knew what she had to do. As painful as this was going to be and as much as it was going to tear her apart, she knew.
She had no other choice.
****
Philip let the side gate close behind him and walked into the Lockhart backyard, the snow crunching underneath his feet. Above, the night sky let out very little light, making it hard to see. "Meems?" He called out questioningly. Where was she?
Mimi steeled herself from where she sat underneath the large tree that was standing in the middle of her backyard, preparing herself. "I'm over here." She called out quietly.
Like that helps a lot, Philip ruefully thought. Then he saw a small light and walked towards it, finally seeing her sitting underneath the tree, though her face was partially hidden by the darkness. He shivered, feeling the undeniable winter chill. "There you are! Why did you ask me to meet you out here, huh? It's freezing! Come over here so we can keep each other both warm!" Philip looked down at her, speaking good naturedly, yet shivering a little from the icy weather. She better come join him or he was going to sweep her up off that snow into his arms.
She barely felt the cold. She was desensitized to it. She had already wiped her tears away after burying the pain deep deep inside her. Nothing could hurt her anymore. At least, that was what she thought. "No. I need to talk to you."
Philip smiled. "Fine, we can talk all you want, but first come here or I'm going to come get you." He added that last part jokingly, taken aback when she reacted to it urgently and suddenly.
"NO! You just stay there. I have to say something and I need you to listen to me. I don't want you to come closer, do you understand?" She had rehearsed what to say. And she knew she couldn't say those words if he was too close to her. She wouldn't have the strength to.
Philip looked at her with shock, at the eyes that seemed to be doing everything they could to avoid looking at his. Her expression, the little bit he could see of it, lit only by the small light she had beside her, seemed so serious. "Mimi-"
She cut him off right away.
"Do you understand?"
Her voice held no room for argument. Philip wondered desperately what was wrong with her? "Yes. I understand. Just calm down okay." He squatted down in the cold damp snow, amazed that she could be sitting on it and not feel the icy coldness. From what it looked like, she didn't have a blanket underneath her or anything to keep her warm, but he was still having a hard time actually seeing her that well anyway. It was just too damn dark. As he moved to sit down in the snow also, he noticed her back away more.
"I said to not come any closer." She couldn't let him get anywhere near her. She had to do this.
"Hey, I'm just sitting, alright? I'll keep my distance. Just tell me what's wrong, okay? When I called earlier, you weren't home. Oh man, did someone hurt you?" He looked at her desperately, hoping nothing had happened to her. But she had been attacked that one time.He got up quickly, ready to check on her, not thinking about what he was doing.
Mimi got up quickly too, holding her hand out in front of her to get him to back off. "I'm fine. Nothing happened to me! Just stay there and listen."
Philip shook his head, disbelieving of her actions. What was going on? He stood where he was though, not getting any closer, waiting for her to continue, trying to find some patience.
Mimi took a deep breath and began to talk. "Fine, now that we understand each other, I'm going to say what I have to say. I don't want to go out with you tonight."
Philip sighed in relief. "Oh my gosh, is that what this is about? Why didn't you just say so? We don't have to go out tonight. Are you tired, is that it?" He looked at her, noticing now that she was standing, now that he could see her face just a tad bit better, that her eyes looked a little worn. She must be drained, he thought, after everything they had gone through while out in that storm. He didn't know how much he was up for seeing a movie either after his emotional talk with Chloe. He put any of those thoughts into the back of his mind. He wanted to focus his attention on Mimi now. It would be so nice and comforting just to hold her in his arms. They could talk later. "Actually, I'm kind of beat too. Why don't we just stay here, but let's go inside to get out of the cold. Or we could go to my house, just relax and watch a movie there."
Mimi closed her eyes tightly, wanting to say to him yes, let's go do that. She wanted to feel his arms around her, for him to.NO! Her mind insisted. You have to do this. "No. You don't understand what I'm saying. I don't want to go out with you tonight, tomorrow night, not any night, not ever. I don't want to go out with you at all." Mimi looked him straight in the eye, still shaky, but hoping she was convincingly covering it up. Actually, she couldn't look him straight in the eye, because he was taller than her, so she looked up to his now shocked face, noticing he was wearing the same black clothes he had been wearing down on the pier. She wiped the thought of the pier out of her mind, focusing once again on her task.
Philip stared at her in bewilderment, vehemently trying to read what was going on behind those jade eyes that looked so dark underneath the evening sky. What did she just say? She didn't want to go out with him, ever? No, she couldn't mean that. There was no possible way! He looked down at the auburn haired girl standing far away from him, wearing blue jeans, a sweater, and her chocolate colored coat. "Mimi, come on. You don't mean that."
She took deep breaths, insistent on not letting his reaction get to her. "Yes I do and I'm not finished. You just don't understand."
"Well then, why don't you enlighten me?" He hadn't meant to sound so angry, but he was exhausted and had been looking forward to being with her, not talking about ending it before it had even begun.
She heard the bitterness in his voice, using it to give her strength. She was on automatic pilot, her words coming out without much thought, every part of her still numb. "We survived a harrowing experience and it made us very emotional, but it's over. We're alive and everything's okay. Reality's sunk back in and I realize now that it just isn't meant to be. We got caught up in the moment, in all the drama and it was a nice kiss and everything, but that's all it was. It didn't really mean anything."
Philip felt like she had slapped him in the face. He stared at her with disbelief, her cruel words making him feel ill. But if he could just get through to her, if he could get her to explain... "I don't believe you. I don't know why you're doing this, but there's something you're not telling me, isn't there?"
Mimi laughed coldly. "I know you think so highly of yourself Philip and honestly I'm not trying to be mean. It's just I don't want to go out with you. Why can't you understand that?"
It was Philip's turn to laugh, incredulously. "Why can't I understand that?! WE NEARLY DIED TOGETHER! I told you about the island, my nightmares, how scared I was! You told me about Kevin! We kissed! And I certainly thought it meant something---to both of us!! Now you tell me it meant NOTHING!! How can you even say that?!" He was yelling, his control completely gone, his mind turned off as his emotions took over.
Mimi continued to use his anger to give her the resolve she needed. She could see how intense his eyes were even in the dark. The tone of her voice, in contrast to his feeling one, was deadly calm. She spoke to him as if he were an impatient child. "I didn't say it meant NOTHING. It's just-"
Philip cut her off impatiently. "What? This was all just a game to you or something? What about the club, how we almost kissed in the car after? What about the night I didn't go to the dance so I could be with you? What about everything we've shared?! WH-"
She interrupted him. This whole time he had been talking about all the things they had shared in the last few months, she wondered if she was making the wrong choice, but then her mind told her, you're just going to end up hurt in the end. Better to break it off now! "Those times were great and everything, but it was just friendship, nothing more." He started to move closer to her and she moved away from him, apprehensively.
Philip stopped moving and just stood there, scrutinizing her, hoping to figure out what was making her act this way. It wasn't like her at all. She was being so cold and calculating. He closed his eyes silently, taking some deep breaths, working to calm himself. He wasn't getting anywhere with this yelling. He was so emotionally spent, but he would try his best to steady himself. He put his hands out towards her as a peace offering, speaking gently. "Meems, let's just calm down okay?" He moved in closer, reaching out for her. "Just tell me what's wrong."
She completely jolted him with her reaction, pushing him back hard, away from her. Philip took a shaky step back, nearly losing his balance from the force of her push. As the frosty night continued to permeate the atmosphere, bringing with it a chill to the air, Philip just stared at Mimi with disbelief.
The sounds of cars could be heard from the city streets, the sounds of the light breezes blowing through the trees, the sound of a dog barking, but in that dark bitterly cold backyard the two of them said nothing, just looking at each other silently.
"Mimi?" He could say no more. She might as well have knocked him down. He felt emotionally bruised. Whoever this was, it wasn't his dear friend. He didn't even try to keep the hurt out of his eyes as he ever so quietly whispered: "Meems?"
Mimi couldn't believe what she just did.OH, and the pain in his eyes, she just had to look away from it. She couldn't face it. She took another shaky step back. This was getting so ugly. Why couldn't he just take a hint and give up? She wasn't worth it. "I didn't want it to have to come to this, but hopefully now you understand that I MEAN it. I don't EVER want to go out with you Philip Kiriakis. We can be friends, but that's it. I don't want anything else. I-"
Philip cut her off again. "FINE." There was only one thing left and if this didn't work.well.
"If that's what you want then you come HERE and say it TO MY FACE. You look me in the eye Mimi Lockhart and say it!" He fixed her with a steadfast look, challenging her.
Mimi involuntarily shivered. A part of her just wanted to give this up and hold him close to her. That part of her wanted to apologize for pushing him and feel his arms around her. But then she remembered what she had seen tonight, feeling she couldn't give up on this. She moved up slowly, closer to him, filled with anxiety, hoping he couldn't see it.
Philip watched intently as Mimi came over to him. One part of him wanted to take her into his arms, but the other part felt terribly hurt by her cutting words. He acted distant as she stopped right in front of him; he spoke in an icy voice. "Now, you tell me that you don't ever want to go out with me."
Mimi looked down, nearly mumbling. "I don't ever want to go out with you."
Philip shook his head, not at all satisfied with her answer. "No way. You look me straight in the eyes and SAY those words. Go on. Do it." He stared down at her, unblinkingly.
Mimi looked up at him, finally seeing his blue eyes clearly, that now looked so dark and piercing, unyielding. You have to do this.you have to do this..you have to do this.. It was an endless mantra in her mind. She finally spoke, hoping her voice wouldn't break. "I don't EVER want to go out with you Philip Kiriakis."
There, she said it, but it hadn't made her feel any better. Now she just felt.
Philip looked down at her, not believing she had gone through with it, incredulous. She had said it in such an emotionless voice, but there was something about her eyes, something in them that just wasn't right.they weren't their normal shade of jade, more pale, like the life was drained out of them.
NO! You idiot, he thought! You've went through this before, holding desperately onto something that just wasn't meant to be! No more! He wasn't going to lose himself again. He grabbed Mimi by the arms, making her gasp, then let her go, like he couldn't stand the sight of her.
Mimi looked up at him, gasping when he grabbed her. For one second it felt like he was going to take her into his arms, but then he abruptly let go of her. What got to her even more though was the look in his eyes, how they were now the color of a raging ocean.
"Well why stop there, huh?" Why not go all the way?" Philip's voice was entirely joyless, his face stony. He was no longer even thinking, just reacting to the awful pain he felt deep inside of him.
"What do you mean?" Mimi shakily asked, fearing where this might be leading.
Philip spoke in a completely impersonal voice. "What I MEAN is end it all, EVERYTHING, the SO CALLED FRIENDSHIP, ALL OF IT."
Mimi could hear her voice trembling. No, no, please, let him not be saying this! "No, that's not what I meant! I still want us to be friends, you don't understand!!"
Philip laughed bitterly. "Oh I understand all too well. And I don't care right now about what you want. This is what I want. What is wrong with you anyway, huh, you like being such a cold, calculating little-"
Every nerve, every emotion in him was completely unraveled as he realized what he was doing.
("YOU FREAK!. GHOUL GIRL")
He ran a shaky hand through his hair, realizing he had almost done it again. He swore he would never do that again, call someone (especially someone he cared about) such vicious names. He had to get out of here. He couldn't do this anymore. She told him what she wanted. Now he just wanted to let it all go. He just wanted to stop feeling, because it hurt, oh. it hurt so much.
He looked into her now pained and shaky eyes and so badly wanted to just comfort her, cradling her into his arms, but he was just feeling so out of control. "I swore I would never do this again and I'm not going to. Let's just get one thing straight all right? We're not friends anymore. Now unfortunately we live in such a damn small town and we go to the same school together so we can't completely avoid each other, but I don't want you to talk to me anymore and I won't talk to you either. I don't want to have anything to do with you ever again. You got it?"
The tears were battling to be let go in her eyes, but somehow she held them back. This was a nightmare. Please, let her wake up from it. "Ph-"
He cut her off abruptly, coldly, needing to just get out of there. "Do you understand, yes or no?"
Mimi wanted to protest, but she had started this and now she had to face the consequences. "Y--yes I understand. I w--won't bother you ever again." She spoke the awful words and then turned away from him, unable to face him anymore.
Philip just watched her for a second, watched her back, feeling his eyes watering, knowing he had to leave. He swallowed hard, starting to walk across the yard, back to the gate.
Mimi listened to the sound of his boots moving through the snow, wanting to call him back, to run into his arms and never let go, but.
She mouthed his name, but just couldn't get her vocal cords to function.
Ph--Philip.
Philip took one last look back, now feeling the tears start to move down his face.not bothering to brush them away as he stepped through the gate.
Mimi waited until she heard the final sound of the car driving through the night, then finally let her body collapse, sinking down underneath the backyard tree.her sobs wracking her body, the pain coursing through every part of her as the tears fell down her face endlessly.
****
Philip stopped the car and pulled over, finally letting his head fall forward against the steering wheel, his body shaking with the overwhelming pain he felt, the tears falling from his face onto the steering wheel.
****
She lost her best friend.
He lost his best friend.
To be continued.
Okay, I know that was horrible, but there's some very substantial reasons I had this breakup happen. When I decided to write this story I knew there would have to be some painful moments, but not for just any old reason. It's to help them grow.
This will make their relationship even stronger, but even more importantly, it's going to make them even stronger as individuals. They're going to have to work through this, on their own and with other people, to learn more about themselves and each other.
This may seem to be all about Chloe, but it's not. There's a lot more to it as both of them will find out. And this is still a Phimi story. They will always be the main characters of this story.
Last of all, I've always found, the more heartbreaking the breakup, the more emotional and exciting the makeup! Hope you keep reading.
Mara
Chapter 36: Shadows
Mimi sat in her backyard, underneath the large tree, disbelieving. What had she done?! It was all just so horrible and she was the one who instigated it. WHY? She rested the back of her head against the tree, once again not even feeling the cold snow underneath where she sat.
[I don't ever want to go out with you again Philip Kiriakis.]
[I don't want to have anything to do with you ever again.]
She would never forget his face, the anger and pain in his eyes that she had caused. She hugged herself to keep warm, now starting to feel the cold again, her senses back to life. When she had told him those awful words, it was like every emotion, every sensation in her had been turned off, her heart hiding.
That kiss, oh how seeing that kiss had affected her. It was like her wake- up call. Ha, ha, ha.He'll never feel the same way about you. He'll never.
OH, it had been so easy when they were just friends, but then he saved her from that attacker, he was there for her when she was more terrified than she had ever been in her life. He showed her how gentle, tender and caring he could be. All of the sudden, her childhood friend had become her.
It was so easy when there was just Kevin and Shawn, because it had been a simple crush or just something she could brag about. Look everyone, Mimi has a guy! But then when her friendship with Philip started growing into something she had never in her life experienced before, she didn't really want to share it with anyone else. Even Belle, her best friend, hardly knew anything about it, because Mimi wanted to keep it just between them, their own little private world. And because.
When Philip had kept them both safe, out in that snowstorm, when she wanted to give up and he wouldn't let her, how he was her strength, her rock.
He comforted her, he made her laugh, he challenged her, he danced with her, he excited her, he cared for her, he helped her, he.
Her body started shaking again as the cold reality of what she had done sunk in completely, totally, like someone throwing water straight in her face.She ended it and.and.
She.
She couldn't be certain, right? She had no previous experience, no prior knowledge, but something, something deep inside her said it, sent the message.
It was her heart.it told her that she.
Maybe it was too early, maybe it made no sense, but it didn't matter, her heart told her why she was acting so irrationally, why something as simple as a goodbye kiss could tear her apart, why she no longer had control over her own senses.
Why she ached without him.
She was beginning to fall in love.
And it terrified her.
****
Philip sat down on the swing, thinking how just a while ago he had been in that same spot, sitting on that same swing, before he went to go see Mimi.
Meems.
He put the side of his face against the metal chains and sat there quietly, deep in thought.
[It didn't really mean anything.]
[you like being such a cold, calculating little-]
He sighed. Why was this happening? Why was she doing this? He kept racking his brain, trying to figure out what would make her do this? Or was he just a fool?
The cold dark night held no answers unfortunately as he closed his eyes wearily. There was nothing left in him anymore. First, he had ended it completely with Chloe and then all this with.with her.
He had gone over to her house, hoping they could just cuddle up for a while and be together. He just wanted to be with her, hear her laugh, react to her verbal wit, just relax with her.
But now, not only were they not going to be going out on any dates together, they also weren't going to communicate with each other at all, thanks to him. Her words had just hurt him so much and his emotions took over, making him say things he didn't even mean.
It's just, he was so upset with her! He never thought she could be so cruel. He couldn't take it.he had to leave. But ending their friendship.
He wanted to blame her, but he had learned in the past that blaming someone just got you nowhere. They had both hurt each other tonight and he didn't have any idea why.Where had all this come from?
He shook as he thought of how close he had come to calling her horrible things. He had been so ready to lash out, but then he thought of when he had called Chloe all the horrible names and somehow he stopped himself. Now he knew what it felt like to be turned on. to trust someone and have them spit in your face. Because that's what Mimi had done to him tonight.
And sadly, now he realized that's what he had done to the girl he had once professed to love.
How ironic.
****
He told her once something about her being strong, but she didn't see herself that way. A strong person wouldn't have run from being homeless and a strong person wouldn't have run from being in love.
It was fine when they were at the cabin, together ,alone, but when they got back home she felt all the insecurity again. She wasn't good enough for him, he would never care for her the way he had for Chloe, she'd do everything wrong, he'd get tired of her, their friendship would end.
That had been her worst fear, losing their friendship. Now she had lost it. Of course he had ended it. What was she thinking? That he wouldn't be upset?
She thought of how many times she told him how Chloe had hurt him and now she had done it herself. Why? Why, when she was hurt, did she run away and hide? Why couldn't she just face him and tell him the truth?
Mimi closed her eyes tightly, wishing she could find the answers so this nightmare could end.
****
Philip now finally realized a little bit how Chloe must have felt the night of the last blast, when he had turned on her. How could he have hurt someone that he loved, like that? He held his head in his hands, sighing. He couldn't keep going over the mistakes he had made in the past. It wasn't going to solve anything.
But tonight.
Something just wasn't right about the way Mimi was acting. What could have made her come to such a drastic decision? When he dropped her off at her house she had seemed fine.just a little.
He thought back to the way she had been acting.
[Meems, why?, why were you willing to settle for so little?]
[Oh that's easy for you to say. You could have any girl you want and you had someone you were in love with, but I]
~*~
[What's wrong Meems?]
[I just.I know we didn't plan any of this, but I've, it's been fun and wonderful being with you here.just us. I'm almost afraid to leave.]
[Why?]
[Because, what if it all changes once we get back to Salem?]
~*~
[Hey, you don't have to explain, but are you okay? You were acting almost like we weren't going to see each other again or something.]
[Yeah, I'm fine. I just get emotional I guess.]
He knew she had worried that once they got to Salem everything would change, but nothing had. They were going to go out together that night and he was looking forward to being with her, but then she just ended it. He sighed, running his hand through his hair wearily. No matter how much he thought about it, trying to figure out what went wrong, nothing came to him.
The icy dark night surrounded him as he looked up to the sky, finding no answers.
He whispered softly: "Why Meems? Why are you doing this? What are you afraid of?"
****
Mimi wished she knew what was wrong with her. She had treated Philip so horribly tonight, saying such terrible things to him, but she was scared, so scared that he would regret being with her after a while.
She knew that was no excuse. She had wanted to tell him what she saw, ask him about it, but.
She had stopped herself from feeling. She hadn't realized how hard it would be. She thought he would just let it go, not because he was uncaring, but because he could be with any girl of his choice. Why would he want to be with her?
But now, after seeing and feeling his pain, a part of her wished she could take everything back.
Oh, she was so confused.
She looked up at the starry sky, searching for a ray of hope, finding none, quietly whispering:
"I'm sorry Philip. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me."
****
No clear solutions, no absolute messages of hope came to the two weary souls for they were not yet ready to receive them. Too much pain and upset ran through their veins now to allow for any insight. The fragile heart had been buried way down deep inside and the sturdy brain had taken over, protecting it, for there was no real battle between the two. They were meant to work together, side by side, but for now one had to prevail over the other to keep it safe. In time, when the heart was strong enough to join with the brain, the rays of hope would appear, enlightening the two weary souls with the answers they needed.
Until then, each needed to travel on their own, alone, on a journey that would help them grow.
So for now, on this dark bitter night, a glimmer of hope appeared.to them both.
****
Mimi and Philip, in two separate places, heard the same thing, the sounds of guitars and the keys of a piano being played.
As the words of the song began it touched them deep down in their heart and soul, as rippling flashbacks of their building friendship and caring bond appeared in their minds.
"Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray"
{Deal?}
{Deal.}
"And it shines on you baby can't you see
You're the only one who can shine for me"
{Mimi, we have to stop meeting like this.}
{Believe me Philip this wasn't planned.}
"It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us"
{An 86!}
{WOO-HOO!.Meems, we did it! We passed! We did better than that! And next time, I bet we'll do even better! We have to celebrate!}
"As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it"
{Want to play a little one on one?}
{Okay Philly, you're on.}
"Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me"
{Touchdown.Now, did you hear what I said or should I repeat it?}
{Maybe you should.}
"Come to Me"
{G'night Meems.}
{G'night Phil.}
"When your soul is tired and your heart is weak
Do you think of love as a one way street"
{Philip and Mimi continued to dance, their eyes closed, both smiling as they felt the pleasure of being close to each other, of growing closer.}
"Well it runs both ways open up your eyes
Can't you see me here how can you deny"
{I didn't know anything for sure. I just knew that you walked home alone, and believe me we are going to talk about THAT, but not now.I just had this feeling, this awful feeling that something was going to happen.and so I went after you.}
{And you saved me.}
"It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us"
{Please, just don't ever do anything like that again, okay? Always be honest with me.}
{I won't. I promise.}
"As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it"
{Oh, my gosh! Philip, what did you do to it?}
{You told me to cut it! It's all right! It's still edible! Now it really looks like the Titanic!}
"Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me"
{He whispered softly in her ear, then touched her cheek with the back of his hand, letting it fall slowly down her chin, to her shoulder, down her arm, till his hand was once again clasping hers.}
"Come to me"
{Ha, ha.you were jealous, you were jealous!}
{Was not!}
"Every endless night has a dawning day
Every darkest sky has a shining ray"
{May I have this dance?}
{What are you doing here?}
"It takes a lot to laugh as your tears go by
But you can find me here till your tears run dry"
{I want you to know, I had a great time tonight, 'cause I was with you. And I know we're going to have a wonderful time in Boston. It'll be so cool.just us, don't you think?}
{Yeah, I think it will and I enjoyed every minute tonight too.when I was with you.}
"It's a private emotion that fills you tonight
And a silence falls between us"
{We're not going to make it are we? We're going to die?}
{No, Meems, I swear I won't let that happen. I'm going to protect you.}
"As the shadows steal the light
And wherever you may find it"
{He held her face in his hands and his lips finally met with hers}
"Wherever it may lead
Let your private emotion come to me"
{Promise me. Promise me, you'll never settle for second best, because you deserve more. Promise me.}
{I promise. I won't.}
"Come to me"
As the song began to fade both Philip and Mimi, in places apart from one another, looked to find where was it coming from.
Philip finally saw what looked like someone in the shadows with a radio, but little by little, because of the dark night, the person seemed to almost fade away.
Mimi heard it as if it were coming from one of the nearby houses, but couldn't seem to figure out which one.
But as the song ended, both felt the tiniest bit of renewed hope.maybe they could make it through this.
Maybe they could even find their way back to each other, somehow.
Philip whispered into the night, as if he were calling her:
"Come to me."
Mimi whispered into the night, as if she were calling him:
"Come to me."
~*~
The heart was just beginning to find strength.
'Private Emotion' by Ricky Martin, sung with Meja