Chapter 42: Intoxication
Allison scanned the room, looking for him, noticing Ramon .alone. She walked over to him. "Ramon, I see you've been abandoned too."
"Que?" Ramon looked at Allison with confusion, not fully understanding what she just said.
"I just meant that Philip left, to where, I'm not sure of, and it looks like Mimi's missing too."
Now Ramon regarded her with understanding. "Ah, si, she say she need time, but she not come back yet. I hope everything okay."
"It probably is, but let's see if anyone else has seen them." They walked off together to find out about the whereabouts of their missing friends.
****
"Belle, look around. Do you see Philip anywhere?"
Belle studied the room from where she was dancing with Shawn, finding no trace of their friend, also noticing something else. "Not only is he nowhere to be found. I also can't find Mimi." She added excitedly. "Oh my gosh Shawn, do you think they're together?"
"Possibly. But where do you think they went?"
****
Startled by the voice, she turned away from Poseidon quickly, to see him, just standing there, in the open doorway of the stables, his face partially hidden in the shadows. She just stood there too, unable to tear her eyes away from him, now noticing the beer in his hand and the way his posture was kind of relaxed, laid back, contradicting the sharp tone in his voice.
The only illumination inside the stables came from some lights that hung over the doorway. The only sounds were from the horses moving around in their stalls from time to time. Not even the noise of the party permeated the peaceful atmosphere of the darkened quiet stables. The only thing causing tension now was the two people who just stood there, watching each other silently.
Philip wondered what was she doing there.
He had been dancing with Allison, then noticed that Mimi wasn't there anymore. He looked all around, then grabbed his leather coat and walked outside, seeing some of the lights from the stables on and the doors open. He walked across the snow, stopping at the entrance, seeing her standing there talking to his horse, but he had only heard the very last bit of what she was saying. He took one more lazy drink of his beer, grateful for it relaxing him a little more since he wasn't in too great a mood.
Mimi felt like he was trying to pierce her with his eyes, his eyes that even in the shadows looked cold. She shakily moved away from the stall, forcing her legs to function, feeling herself getting closer to the doors, knowing she was getting closer to him. "I-I shouldn't of come in here. I'll just leave."
She walked hurriedly, but he quickly dodged in front of her, blocking the entranceway, blocking her way out. His voice was quiet and utterly calm. "I asked you a question."
"I said I'll leave. I'm sure that's what you want." She kept looking down, unable to face him when he was standing so close to her. She started to move around him, but he held onto her arm, not letting her go. She finally looked up at him, seeing that his eyes looked a dull blue. "Let go of me."
"No."
****
"Ramon, there's Shawn and Belle. Let's see if they know anything." Ramon nodded his head in recognition to Allison as they headed over to the couple.
"Ramon, Allison, how you enjoying the party?" Belle asked two of her newest friends.
Allison smiled at Belle, and Shawn, who was standing beside her with a beer. "Actually, it's great. But I was just wondering, have you guys seen Philip or Mimi? We can't seem to find them."
Shawn and Belle exchanged glances.
Allison saw the way they looked at each other, almost as if they were hiding something. "Look, if you think they're together, that's cool. We were just kind of concerned about them."
Shawn spoke up. "We really don't know where they are you guys, but we do think they might be together. I have an idea --someone who might have seen something.."
****
Philip looked down into Mimi's jade eyes, now open wide as he held onto her arm. He lessened his hold a little. "Just tell me what you were going to say."
"Let go of my arm."
"Tell-"
"Let go of me!"
Philip sighed, letting go of her arm. "Fine. Just go wherever it is you plan on running off to." He turned away from her, feeling frustrated, but also the tiniest bit of enjoyment at seeing the defiance in her eyes, having missed that. "You might remember though, this is MY house."
"And that gives you a right to scare the living daylights out of me by sneaking around and not letting me leave! Humph!" She crossed her arms in front of her chest, angrily. "And you're also drunk!"
Philip laughed cryptically, taking out a breath mint from his pocket, putting his beer down on a shelf near the wall. "I am not drunk, just feeling a little more relaxed, and it's not like you haven't been drinking tonight. And I wasn't sneaking around." He turned to face her, now sucking on the breath mint. "Let me remind you."
He stood right in front of her, moving forward little by little, leaving her no other choice than to move back towards the opposite wall. "I don't have to sneak around. I actually LIVE here. You're the one who's wandering around without permission."
Mimi faced him now, bravely, even though she had pretty much no where to go to because he was standing right in front of her and there was the fact that she now had a wall against her back. "Oh forgive me Lord and Master." She pushed at him a little. "Now get out of my way."
"Why don't you just push me out of the way like you did that night? Maybe this time you'll actually be successful in knocking me over."
He was immediately sorry for the way he had spoken so flippantly, seeing the pain and sorrow in her eyes.
"She spoke quietly, her voice trembling. "I didn't want that."
Philip said nothing, just slowly reached out with his hand to her face, using his fingers to stroke her cheek, watching her eyes close at his touch..
****
"So I thought you wanted to go join the party and everything." Brady smiled down at Chloe from where she was sitting in his arms on a step underneath the one he was sitting on. He touched her face with his hand.
Chloe smiled dreamily, lacing her hands around his neck. "I changed my mind. It's kind of nice being with you here away from everyone else."
Brady grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist. "We have our own little private corner."
"Yeah."
"Uh, excuse us."
Brady groaned, looking up at the interruption. Ah, they were finally getting to.oh well. He looked up at Shawn, Belle, Ramon and Allison, as Chloe buried her face in his chest then looked up at her friends too.
"Yes? This better be good you guys!" Brady said with annoyance in his voice.
"We were just wondering if you guys have seen Mimi and Philip at all. They've seemed to disappear." Belle told her brother in response.
"Good. At least they're getting some quality time together. Now do you guys mind?" Brady went back to snuggling with Chloe.
"Brady!" Belle was exasperated. "Get serious! Have you seen them? Yes or no?"
Brady sighed then thought for a minute. "Yeah, Philip came up a little while ago and grabbed his coat. And Chloe, didn't you say you saw Mimi earlier?"
"I thought I saw her get her jacket and walk outside, but I'm not completely sure." Chloe answered, moving away a bit from Brady.
"Look you guys, it sounds like they are together. Why don't we just give them some time? Then if we still can't find them later, we can look for them."
Shawn put in his part. "Brady's right. Maybe they just need some time alone. Let's wait on it a bit."
****
He could see her trembling at his touch, her auburn lashes against her white skin, see the emotions on her face, even with her eyes closed.
She felt a myriad of feelings welling up inside of her from just the way he stroked her face with his fingertips, his touch so soft.
Somewhere, distantly, she felt the wall against her back as her mind filled only with one thing.one person.
It was so amazing touching her again, something he had missed ever so much, feeling her soft skin, seeing her reaction.
But then he remembered their fight, watching her dance with someone else, seeing her out with someone else, remembered what it felt like to be burned, the pain of falling for someone only to have it end without warning.
He took his hand away from her face abruptly and moved back.
Mimi opened her eyes, a tremendous sense of loss inhabiting her the moment his hand left her face. She looked up into his eyes, taking in the fact that he had moved further away from her.
"You shouldn't go wandering around the grounds at night. It's not like this is some small backyard or something. I mean it's pretty safe here.but you never know. It's not a good idea to walk around by yourself."
Mimi moved away a little from the wall and put more distance between them. "You don't even talk to me anymore. Why would you care?" There was pain and anger in her voice. But it wasn't just him she was frustrated with. She was unhappy with herself too, with how she couldn't be stronger. Maybe if she had been, none of this would be happening right now. They'd be together. However, when she thought of Chloe and how he had been so in love with her, she doubted everything again.
She was afraid of getting hurt, of him later deciding it was all a mistake.
"Are you serious?" He asked with disbelief in his voice, having caught the contradicting tones in her voice.
"You actually care about me?" She asked, wanting to know the answer.
Philip focused on her face. "How can you even ask that? You know the answer."
Mimi reacted to how quietly he spoke, his blue eyes telling her the answer, making her almost even more confused. "So you care about me walking around here all alone, but it doesn't matter to you how I get home. How do you even know whether or not I walk home by myself on those nights when I have to stay late at school?"
"Because that very first Tuesday, I made sure you got home safe. I know you got a ride home with your mother."
Mimi looked at him, incredulous, her eyes wide. "You were watching me?"
Philip said nothing, just smiled slightly and turned away from her. "So what's going on with you and Ramon?" He picked up a harness on the shelf near the wall, toying with it a little, his back still turned to her.
"What?"
Philip put the harness down and turned around to face her. "I think you heard me. What's going on with you two? I mean you come here to MY party and do this show-off dance with him. Are you guys----What?" He questioned, noticing the sudden shock on her face.
"You haven't talked to me for weeks and now after a couple of drinks you're all lose and carefree, acting like it's no big thing, expecting me to tell you about myself?!" She asked with a voice full of amazement.
Philip felt his anger building. "YOU"RE the one who started all this, that night. remember? When you said: 'It didn't mean anything'? Remember that? How the heck did you think that would make me feel, huh? I mean, WHAT HAPPENED?" He started to move closer to her again.
"Nothing. It just.I thought we could just be friends, but you made it clear that you don't want that. I'll just go." She moved away from him and started to leave, but he grabbed her arm again.
He answered harshly, not letting go of her. "NO. First you tell me why you're doing this." His voice softened as he gently moved a hair away from her face. "What are you afraid of Mimi?" He studied her eyes, trying to find the answer.
Mimi shakily tore her eyes away from his, wishing he would stop looking at her, removing her arm from his grip, feeling him slowly let go. She started to try to leave again, but he jumped in front of her before she could get out the door.
"Please."
She pleaded with him, needing to get out of there, still so afraid of what she was feeling, of getting hurt. When he had spoken her name, the first time she had heard it from him in so long, she had melted inside.
He kept his hands on her upper arms, heeding the way she would not look at him. It made him sigh with frustration. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, cause her pain, but it was driving him crazy, the way she was acting. If only there was a way he could find out the truth. Maybe.
"You said it meant nothing. Fine. Then it doesn't matter if we are alone here together, does it? In fact, if it meant nothing, then if we danced together it wouldn't mean anything either, would it?"
"I don't want to dance with you." She muttered the words, not daring to look up.
"Why, are you afraid of how it might make you feel?" He challenged, wishing he could get her to look at him.
"No, I'm not afraid." She kept her eyes on the hay on the ground.
He heard the uncertainty in her voice. "Look at me then."
She slowly looked up at him, seeing his blue eyes right away, watching hers. "Don't."
He spoke innocently. "Don't what? What's the big deal? It's just one dance and you already said that you only think of me as a friend, if even that lately. What's it going to hurt?" He still had his hands on her arms as he waited for her to reply.
"You're just acting this way because of the liquor, and there's no music anyway, not in here."
Philip could see the fear in her jade eyes, wondering what scared her. Was it him?
"I already told you, I'm not drunk. I know what I'm doing and there's a radio on the shelf. One dance and then I'll leave you alone. You can go be with your, whatever he is to you." He said the last part with annoyance.
"Ph-" She started to protest, gasping as he shushed her by placing a finger near her lips. "Come on." He put the radio on, flipping the stations until he found what he wanted. Then he removed his coat, placing it on the shelf. Next, he reached for her jacket, slipping it off her shoulders, noticing how she started shivering right away.
"It's cold!" She was half lying. It was actually pretty warm in the heated stables, but she was still trembling.
"Then you better hold onto me to stay warm." He reached out, taking her into his arms, holding her very close. Then he waited to see how she would react, not wanting to force it.
Mimi tentatively placed her hands up near his shoulders, feeling contradicting emotions. His closeness made her a little uneasy, but at the same time, it excited her.
Philip bent down, whispering covertly in her ear. "Still cold?"
She automatically shook her head, unable to find her voice.
"Good." Philip looked down at her, satisfied. His arms were wrapped firmly around her waist, his hands between her middle and lower back. His fingers lay against her sleeveless top, the satiny feel of it pleasing to the touch. He reveled in their closeness and the palatable feel of her hands near his shoulders.
Mimi gazed up into his eyes that were now watching hers intently. She could feel their bodies so close to each other that she had to hold onto him to maintain her balance, but she definitely wasn't complaining. His satin-silk shirt felt so luxurious underneath her fingers.
Outside the stables, a frosty chill was in the air, but inside the temperature was more than warm enough. With only the lights above the doorway to brighten the darkened stables, the only sound coming from the radio and their shoes shuffling through the hay, Mimi and Philip began to dance, each filled with secret thoughts, hopes, wishes and desires.
****
They had decided to wait to find out where their two missing friends were. They would find them later.
Ramon and Allison headed over to a corner of the room, talking quietly.
Allison thought Philip could take care of himself, but Ramon was still worried about Mimi. She tried to reassure him. "I'm sure she's fine. They're probably together." She spoke to him in his native Spanish, making it much easier for them to talk and understand each other.
Ramon noticed that she spoke very well, with little difficulty. She obviously had underestimated her ability to speak the language earlier. "Yes, maybe. But what if they're not. I just don't want her wandering around by herself. I know she'll be fine if she's with him, but if she's alone." His voice dropped off.
Allison gave in. "Okay, we'll check on them in a little bit. But first Ramon, what do you think happened with them? I think we've both seen it." She said with a knowing look.
Ramon's face showed understanding at her words. "The way they look at each other.Yes. They never speak to each other, but."
She finished for him. "It's obvious they want to and that they're trying to hide it. Ramon, do you mind me asking? Do you think of Mimi as more than a friend?"
"Do you think of Philip as more than a friend?"
Allison laughed at his counter remark. He was fast when he was speaking in his native tongue. "Ha, I asked you first."
Ramon smiled. "I like Miriam a lot. She is friendly, funny and beautiful. She has been a good friend to me. But I know she is unhappy and I know it has to do with Philip. Maybe if there wasn't someone else." He contemplated, then raised his hands as if saying 'oh well.' "I might think more, but I'm okay just being her friend. I just wished there was a way I could help her. Now, what about you? I answered. Now it's your turn. How do you feel about Philip?"
Allison sighed. "What can I say? He's a great guy.very different from how I thought he was at first. But I feel the same way as you do. I know he's unhappy and I know it has to do with her. If there wasn't that factor I'd probably go for it, but.I'm like you. I don't want to be the cause of more problems."
"Mimi got upset one night when she saw you with Philip coming out of a restaurant. Did that mean anything?"
Allison shook her head in response. "Oh my gosh, that must be the same night we saw you two come out of a restaurant. That didn't mean anything, did it?"
"No." Ramon scratched his head in frustration. "What do we do? They won't talk to each other."
"No, they won't, but maybe, just maybe.there's another way."
****
{Huh-huh, I'm-I'm going crazy baby}
They started to slowly move together as the voices of K-CI and JoJo began, as the sound of the instruments and voices came from the radio, as the fitting song "Crazy" began, fitting because it fit both of their erratic moods lately, how they felt without each other.
{Ooooh, I don't know, but.I'm going.I'm going.}
Her legs moving against his.
{See baby I apologize
For all the things that I've done that I've done}
His hands moving up and down her back over and over, sending sensations of awareness throughout her. making her delirious.
{See I know that I've been a fool for far too loooong}
Her hands moved up and down his shoulders, near the opening of his shirt, her fingers tracing tiny involuntary circles, that made him feel.
That he was losing his senses.
{And baby you have it, and don't run away, just come back to papa
Please baby, baby won't you stay}
He looked down at her, waiting, waiting impatiently for her to raise her head and let him see her eyes, her every facial feature.
{If you really love me then why are you leaving me}
Finally, she granted his wish, looking up to find his eyes staring down into hers unblinkingly, watching her, taking in her every feature.
His blue eyes, now the color of a wild ocean, rapt in her jade ones.
{I can't think, think about this crazy day
I lose sleep just to daydream about you baby}
She felt dizzy gazing into that deep deep ocean, feeling like she was drowning in it.
She tore her eyes away, feeling his arms securely around her, not letting her fall.
Placing her face against his chest, she luxuriated in the silkiness of his shirt against her face, the coolness of it in contrast to the heat of his skin that just touched the top of her head, where the neckline buttons of his shirt remained open.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinking about you lately}
(Crazy baby)
His fingers spread against her back, a massaging touch.
The heat of her face against his chest sent his sense reeling as he began to move his head down.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinking about you baby}
(I-I don't know what to do, noooo)
She shuddered as she felt his warm breath against her forehead.
He slowly rested his chin on top of her head, closing his eyes, giving in to the swirling patterns running through his mind.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, thinking about you lately}
(Crazy.Crazy.Crazy)
She moved back a little, rapturously taking in the outline of muscles underneath his black shirt.
Feeling his chin moving against her forehead.
His skin rubbing against hers.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, when I can't touch you}
(Crazy, Crazy)
{Crazy, crazy, when I can't hold you}
(I'm going crazy)
{Crazy, crazy when I can't see you again}
(I'm going crazy oooohhh, ohhhohhhohhh, Say I'm going crazy, say I'm going crazy.baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.Said I'm going crazy)
He couldn't get enough of it, her soft skin against his as he moved the side of his face over and over against hers.
{I've finally realized that you are my true love
And I've had a lot of time to think, and you're all I seem to keep think. thinking
To keep thinking of}
She closed her eyes, succumbing to the ocean of emotion she was feeling, her head once again falling against his chest, her cheek resting there, as the ecstasy of his warmth surrounded her.
{Now I know I need you each and every day
I can't live without you, so don't run away}
He moved his hands from her back slowly to her arms, his fingers running over her soft skin, kneading it tenderly.
Heating it with his touch.
{Baby you said that you loved me, so why you leaving me}
(Why, why, why, why, why, why)
She trembled from his touch at first, but he continued the rhythmic motions, soothing her.
She felt herself adrift from her mind, from every outside thought, sight and sound.
{I can't think, think about this crazy day}
(Crazy day, why are you leaving me)
As their bodies moved together to the emotion filled song, he let go of her arms and gently stroked her face, using the utmost tenderness in getting her to look at him, his hands cradling it.
{I lose sleep just to daydream about you baby}
(baby.I'm going crazy)
He stroked her face with his fingertips, moving his mouth against her forehead.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinking about you lately}
(Just to think)
She mindlessly moved her hands to his back, up around his shoulders, over his back again, traveling back and forth, feeling his muscular physique, as his lips continued to move over her face, the intensity making her feverish.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinking about you baby}
(I'm going crazy, I'm going crazy, Ooooohhhohoh)
He continued to move his lips down, down, down, to her temple, to her cheek, to meet with her own lips.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, thinking about you lately}
(doo, doo, doo, doo, doo)
His lips convened with hers, just touching at first, lingering there, and then they slowly parted, opening up as hers did too, their mouths moving together, dancing to the rhapsody of their emotions just as their bodies were to the music.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, but I can't touch you}
(Crazy, Crazy)
She felt passions rising through her that she had never experienced before, as her heart took over for her mind.
Oh.
The intoxicating sense of him, how she was melting under his touch, the taste of him sparking her desire, his hands on her backside, his fingers squeezing and kneading her back repeatedly, the kiss attempting to take away all the pain and loneliness they had felt being estranged from each other.
She clung to him, forgetting all her fears, never wanting this feeling to end.
{Crazy, crazy when I can hold you}
(I'm going crazy, ohhohohoh)
He felt only, no longer thinking, savoring being with her, feeling her hands, her fingers moving over his back again and again, up his shoulders, her touch stirring every emotion inside him.
Sensing her falling.
Using his arms to keep her up, holding her fiercely, protectively, as his lips continued to move with hers, seeking more, but always asking first, feeling her consent by the way she responded.
Drunk in the ecstasy of her.
{Crazy, crazy when I can see you again}
(If I can see you again, If I can see you again, If I can see you again)
"Miriam, Miriam, are you out here?"
She felt herself falling back down to earth at the voice, realizing what she was doing, who she was with.
She remembered her fears, seeing him with Chloe, her anxiety about never being enough, worrying that it would end, scared that they might end up unintentionally hurting each other.
He heard the voice too, but didn't pay attention to it, not caring about anything except about how it felt to be with her.
Forgetting his words about taking things slow.
{If I can see you, if I can see you again}
She desperately pushed him away from her, but this time not harshly, just enough to get away, tearing her lips from his with utter remorse, breathless, her hands flailing for support.
He too was breathless as his hands gripped her arms, holding her up, both of them fighting to get their equilibrium back to normal, their erratic heartbeats to slow down.
{If I can see you again
And now I go}
As reality began to set in again, Philip held onto her, his face falling forward against hers, feeling her desperately trying to move away from him.
"Mimi." His voice was all but a ragged whisper as he felt her struggling in his grip.
"I.I have to go." She whispered too, finding very little strength from her vocal cords.
"No. Wait."
"That's Ramon.he's looking for me."
"Why do you do this, keep running away?"
His voice was full of emotion as he tried to find out why she wouldn't open up to him. "Mimi, what is it?" He held onto her arms, looking deep into her eyes. "What's scaring you? Me? Because I don't believe it anymore, that you feel nothing, that when we're together like this that it doesn't mean anything to you. Tell me, is it me? Do I do something to scare you?"
{If I can see you again}
"No, I know you would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. You don't scare me. It's not that. I just have to go." She moved out of his grip, stumbling, feeling him reach for her. She pushed his hands away though, shakily, grabbed her jacket and ran out into the night.
Straight into the arms of Ramon.
Philip walked over and watched, standing in the shadows of the doorway, trying to understand what was going on. Maybe it was him. Maybe there was something wrong with him. First there had been all the craziness with Chloe, the way he lost himself, and now he was starting to feel like he might make the same mistakes again.He didn't want to do that, couldn't do that.
And what happened to taking things slow? All he knew was that he hadn't been with her for so long and his emotions took over.
He watched as Ramon hugged Mimi, hearing her explain to him that she was fine, but wanted to go home. He watched.
As she looked past Ramon's shoulder.
At him.
{I'd go crazy}
Philip and Mimi just held each other, with only their eyes now, as they saw in each other pain, uncertainty, fear and desire.
The desire they had felt being together.
Philip felt himself unable to look anymore, to watch her being comforted by someone else just minutes after she had been in his arms.
Responding to his touch.
He turned away from her.
She turned to leave with Ramon.
Philip walked back into the stables, sinking down against the wall, closing his eyes, feeling half out of his mind.
{I go crazy, I go crazy, I go crazy, I go crazy}
She stopped, as Ramon talked to Allison, still able to feel his unbelievable touch, the heat of his lips.
{As a matter of fact I'm going crazy}
A part of Mimi wanted to go back to him, but she still had so many doubts, so much anxiety.
A part of Philip wanted to run after her, but he was terrified of being hurt again, of going back to that jealous, out of control person.
Their feelings, not some outside stimulant were what intoxicated them.
Stirred the heart to life, making the mind go nuts.
It wasn't enough though.
The passion was amazing, but it wasn't a cure to their problems. They needed to talk, really talk, before they could truly begin to deal with everything and help each other. The question was, what would be the stimulus that would lead to that?
Could it possibly come from the direction of others?
{Crazy.I'm going crazy.I think I'm going crazy.I'm going crazy..Let's go crazy}
Mimi closed her eyes. "Oh Philly."
Philip closed his eyes. "Oh Meems."
'Crazy' by K-Ci and Jo Jo
Chapter 43: Direction
Ramon and Allison finished talking and Ramon looked over at Mimi, seeing that she was deep in thought. "Miriam, you ready?"
Mimi looked up quickly, disturbed from her thoughts. "Uh.uh.yeah." She said tentatively and then followed Ramon to the car.
****
Allison walked into the darkened and quiet stables, now that the radio was turned off. She looked around, wondering where he was, then saw him sitting against the wall, his head back and his eyes closed. "Ph-" She started, but was cut off abruptly by his sharp tone.
"I want to be alone."
She walked over near the wall. "It might help if you talk about it."
Philip laughed cryptically. "Yeah, right!" He moved his head away from the wall and sat forward, holding his head in his hands, frustrated.
"Philip-" She started out a little tentatively, cut off again.
He interrupted her angrily. "I told you, I DON'T want to talk about it!! Why don't you just go back to the party and LEAVE ME ALONE!" He got up and turned his back on her, leaning against the shelf on the opposite wall.
Allison sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.
****
Mimi looked at the road confusedly, now actually paying attention to where they were going, noticing that they weren't going the right way to her house. "Ramon, this isn't the way to my house. You must have forgotten how to get there."
Ramon kept his eyes on the road. "I know Miriam. We not go to your house yet."
Mimi looked at Ramon with shock. "But I told you I wanted to go home and you said you'd take me. What are you doing Ramon?" She asked with the tiniest bit of nervousness in her voice.
"Miriam, please don't worry. I just.I need to take you somewhere first. I need to show you something."
"What? Where are we going?"
"You will see what it is soon and we go to my aunt's house." He hoped this would work or at least help.
****
Allison got up, but kept her distance, aware he was upset. "Look, you're obviously not happy and I know it has to do with Mimi. I really do just want to help. I'm a good listener."
Philip turned around to look at her suspiciously. "Why would I tell YOU? I mean, I know we've started to become friends, but I still don't even know you that well. How do I even know I can trust you?"
"Who am I going to tell Philip? You're right, we've only started to get to know each other, but we also have similar backgrounds. I know it's not that easy for you to trust a lot of people because they could be using you for things like your money or your popularity. I've been there before too Philip. I know how it feels. I also know that you're a good person, not one of those uncaring snobs that I've had to deal with so many times. You're quite a catch Philip Kiriakis." She added with a small smile.
Philip replied cynically. "Yeah, sure I am because I'm rich, popular and a great athlete." He spoke honestly, not trying to brag, just confident in his abilities at certain activities, though less self- assured in other areas. "Of course though, very few people care that I've worked my tail off at getting better grades this year, that I've tried to help people that are less fortunate, that I've-"
Allison cut him off gently. "Philip, I didn't mean that you're such a great guy because of superficial reasons. I meant because of the kind of person you are, really are, that part of you that you only show to a select few: like Shawn and Belle, but most of all Chloe and..and Mimi, right?"
****
Ramon and Mimi walked into the garage. Mimi watched as he headed over to a covered object and uncovered it. She gasped. It was done!
"Ramon, why didn't you tell me you finished the painting?"
Ramon smiled. "Because I not finish it yet. It just look like it done. I still have to add.uh.final touches."
Mimi walked over, looking at him a little questioningly. "I don't understand. You told me I had to wait until it was finished to see it. So why are you showing it to me now?"
Ramon studied the portrait quietly now that it was uncovered, crouching down next to it. Then he turned his attention back to Mimi. "Tell me Miriam, what you see in picture."
She pushed back some of her auburn hair, her arm grazing against her jacket with the motion. "It's a beautiful painting. You're so talented. You made me look."
Her voice dropped off as she looked down.
Ramon regarded her intently. "How do I make you look? Tell me Miriam, not about the painting, but about who is in the painting."
Mimi looked at him confused. "What do you mean?" Then she hurriedly put in: "Maybe we're not totally understanding each other because of the language barrier."
Ramon shook his head in response. "No, I understand you. What I try to say is I want you to look at girl (you) in picture and tell me about her. What does she look like?"
Mimi focused on the picture again, answering uncertainly. "I don't know.I guess I look okay. I mean you made me look great, so different."
Ramon sighed, closing his eyes then smiling. He was getting to understand more. "Ah si. Ahora, yo comprendo. You know what I see Miriam when I look in that picture? Yo veo una muchacha que es muy bonita."
"What?"
Ramon answered simply, staring straight up into her eyes. "I said that I see a very beautiful girl."
Mimi just stared at him, in shock.
****
Philip said nothing, just sat down on the hay again, his back against the wall.
Allison followed, sitting down near him, though leaving some distance between them. "You choose to show only certain people what you really are like, how sensitive you are. You do that to protect yourself, right? To keep yourself from getting hurt? Well maybe that's what Mimi's doing."
Philip spoke softly. "Why? Because she is afraid of me?"
Allison shook her head. "I don't know for sure, because I barely know her, but no, I don't think she's afraid OF you. I just think."
"What?"
"I think she may be insecure and I think in part it has to do with Chloe. You two were very serious, weren't you? You really cared about her a lot." She added softly: "Maybe you were even in love with her?"
Philip smiled. "You're good. You going to become a lawyer or something?"
Allison was relieved that he was finally smiling some. "How did you guess?"
Philip chuckled. "Should have known." Then he got serious again. "Yeah, I was in love with her, but some things happened and I got jealous. Then later I got really crazy and stupid. I wanted to be with her all of the time and she wasn't comfortable with that. She needed her space. But I was obsessed. I forgot about everything that mattered to me, except her. Then the Last Blast Dance came." He noticed her look of confusion and explained. "It's the name for this dance we have each year, the last day of school. Well this time, there was a prank planned to hurt Chloe."
Allison looked at Philip with shock. "Oh my gosh, who would do something like that?" Then she caught Philip's expression. "No! Mimi?"
"Yeah. With the help of this other girl. Jan Spears?"
"Oh, I've met her." Allison said, then gave a look of distaste. "I don't like her. She's been sugar sweet to me, but I don't know.she seems very phony."
Philip smiled ironically. "You're right. She is. She likes using people to serve her own needs. From day one, she and Chloe clashed. Actually very few people liked Chloe at first because when she first came, she dressed in all black and she kept to herself a lot. She was just plain different. Just about everyone except Shawn and Belle picked on her, including me. I was actually pretty awful to her at times." Philip added ashamedly.
"You too?"
"Yeah. See, you weren't so wrong about me when you first met me after all. The way you first described me was pretty much the way I used to be. After I started secretly liking Chloe, I changed. I learned things about myself I never thought about or even realized before, but then later I went overboard and like I said earlier, I got obsessed."
Allison was attempting to absorb all he was saying. It was a lot to take in, but she also wanted to know what the prank was. "So, what happened at the Last Blast?"
"Mimi and Jan had filmed Chloe in the shower and then they showed the slides on a screen at the dance for everyone to see."
Allison covered her mouth with disbelief. "NO! Oh my.How could they do something so horrible, so cruel?"
Philip shook his head in dismay. "I don't know. I still don't entirely understand it, though I know Mimi regrets it. But wait, there's more. They set up an internet site with the pictures, making it look like it was all Chloe's idea.that she was trying to raise money for music school and the worse part was that I believed it."
Allison looked at him shocked. "How.how could you believe something like that about your own girlfriend? I mean, you loved her, right?"
"Yeah, I did, but.I was just so.I saw those pictures and I just went nuts.seeing her being exposed like that. She had been so secretive lately and I just acted horribly. I saw those pictures and automatically I thought she was doing it to hurt me.to make me look like a fool. I walked out on her. I left her all alone in the middle of that dance floor.I abandoned her. Then later I lashed out, calling her sickening names.some of the ones I had used when she first came here, some new ones. I later found out that she had nothing to do with it. Mimi confessed the truth to me and I felt sick inside that I had done that to the girl I loved. I tried to apologize, but it was too late. I hurt her too much. But I still didn't give up on the chance of us getting back together. Mimi and Jan ended up going to court. They were told that they couldn't participate in ANY social school functions, dances.anything that wasn't academic. They were told that every day they would have to clean out the locker rooms.so every day after school that's what they do this year. They also were told they would have to go on this school trip we had this past summer to an island, to learn about preserving the environment."
"That's ridiculous! They do something like that and they get a free trip!"
"Yeah, I thought that at first too, but I don't know. It's what the judge decided with Chloe's approval. She was the one who pretty much decided on their punishments. Anyway, Chloe was going to go too, but when she saw me also going, she quickly decided not to. So I ended up spending my time on the island pretty miserable, missing her. Mimi and I talked some and I could see for the first time she realized that what she did to Chloe was pretty awful. I wanted to blame her so much, but she pointed out to me the fact that I was her boyfriend and I had also treated Chloe pretty awfully, a fact that I couldn't deny. We started to get a little closer, but mainly I spent my time trying to help Shawn get this ruby that belonged to his grandmother. It's a long story, but he, Belle and myself ended up on this wild adventure, running from this dangerous guy who also wanted the ruby. He left us in this cavernous pit to die, but we found a tunnel that led to the ocean. We had to swim for our lives and somehow I ended up losing them, stranded on a deserted island by myself with a lot of injuries and feeling very sick."
"Oh my gosh! What happened?"
"Brady found me and they (my family and friends) took me to a hospital. I saw Chloe again, but the island changed me. I really thought about everything, how I had acted and I decided that if Chloe didn't want to be with me, I would let her go. Then later, I could tell that she and Brady had grown closer.much closer. I thanked him for saving my life and I let go of Chloe, but I hoped maybe someday we could get back together. Anyway, I went back to school, determined to do well, to focus on MY life again, and thankful that I was alive. Well it seemed Mimi and I had pretty much the same goals, focusing on our lives, on the positive. We started spending more time together and I started to see how tough her punishment actually was. I mean, she can't go to ANY school event Allison and this is her senior year. It's not exactly easy for her, but she doesn't spend any time wallowing about it. She's changed so much this year, though actually, it's not so much a change as a part of her she's rarely shown."
Allison saw the devotion and fondness in his face as he spoke of her, the protectiveness. "You're really proud of her, aren't you?"
Philip smiled a bit. "Yeah, I am. She's helped me to deal with a lot of things. We've just been there for each other so much this school year. We've went through a lot together."
"So what happened? What led to you guys not talking to each other?"
****
Ramon regarded her with interest, seeing the shock in her face. "Ah Miriam, you not see that when you look at the picture?"
Mimi shook her head nervously.
Ramon sighed. "Ah Miriam. You so much like mi hermana."
"What?"
"You are like me sister. She so much like you, my little sister, Maria. She is beautiful like you, but she sometimes not see that. I tell her, she need to believe in herself. She just laugh."
"Philip's told me the same thing before."
"He tell you to believe in yourself?"
"Yes."
"He right. You are beautiful inside and outside, like me sister. I think that why I like you so much. You remind me of her. What else Philip tell you?"
Mimi shrugged as Ramon stood up. "He just told me that I'm pretty and stuff and that if I don't believe that no one else will."
Ramon nodded his head. "He right. You need to believe. I see you so happy, but underneath I see the sadness in your eyes, because of him, si?"
Mimi hesitated, then answered, tired and knowing he was just trying to help. "Yes. We've been friends for a long time, but things changed this year. We started spending more time together and getting closer. He became a real good friend to me."
"So why you not talk anymore?"
"I.I."
"You what Miriam? It okay. You can tell me. I just want to help. I don't want my new friend to be sad." He smiled at her gently, his dark eyes turning a warm brown color.
"I got scared.I thought he would decide it was a mistake, going out with me. I told you about Chloe, how she was his girlfriend. He was just so crazy about her. I just felt like I couldn't compete with her. I mean all the guys at school think she's just so wonderful and me.well, I just." She stopped speaking, looking down at the ground.
"Chloe is pretty, yes. But it not make her better than you. I not know her much, but I just think you two different. He not make you feel pretty, that it? Philip not treat you special?"
Mimi looked up again and smiled, closing her eyes, remembering how wonderful it was to be with Philip, how gentle and kind he was with her. "No, no. He's treated me so wonderfully. He's such an amazing person."
"So then why you not want to be with him?" Ramon looked at her questioningly.
"I was afraid we would hurt each other." Mimi answered quietly.
"Ay. That why he and you two not talk to each other. But Miriam you are not happy and he is not. You see that, yes?"
"He'll probably just forget about me."
"No, I don't think he will. He care too much about you. That's why you both look not happy. I see tonight how both of you look when you come out to see me, when I call you. He watched you Miriam, with sad eyes. You were both not happy. Miriam, you are scared. That why you run away, yes? You are scared of what you feel."
"No.I don't know, uh.yeah."
"Si. Miriam you are scared.because you falling in love."
****
Philip smiled sadly, morosely. "I don't know. Well actually, we were getting to be more than friends and then all of the sudden she just ended it. She decided she didn't want to be more. And I.I."
"You what, Philip?"
"I lashed out again like I did with Chloe, but before it got too ugly, before I started the name calling again, I just stopped it. I told her that I didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore."
"And you meant it?" Allison asked skeptically, pretty much already knowing the answer.
"No, but I just.I didn't want to go there again.back to the way I had been before."
"You mean like with Chloe?"
"Yeah. I mean Chloe and I have made our peace. We're friends now and I'm happy with that, relieved about it because I will always care about her, but I just don't want to go through that, turning all jealous and obsessive, losing myself again."
"So you just gave up on Mimi because of that?"
Philip spoke angrily. "She made the choice Allison!"
"Yes, but I've seen how unhappy you have been, and she doesn't seem that happy either. It's like I said before.I think she's scared."
"Well if it's about Chloe, I don't get it. I told her it's over."
"But have you talked to her that much about Chloe? I mean it can't be an easy topic right, with the way she doesn't get along with her, with the things she did to her and how she's paying the price now?"
"I know she's sorry for what she did and that she's trying to make up for it as much as she can.even though she knows she can't take it back. It is hard for her to talk about and I guess I avoided talking with her about it that much because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or upset."
"Well I think it would help if you talk to her about it. I think then you might understand why she's running away, because it seems to me that that's what she's doing. Look, I told you about my mother dying when I was young, but I didn't tell you how that has affected my life. Even though I barely remember her, I know, somehow I know that it made me the way I am today. I had to learn to be tough, to be strong and to never leave anything hanging, to resolve everything." Her eyes had started to tear up at the mention and the thought of her mother, but she quickly brushed the tears away. "And I think that's what you have to do. Maybe it will mean that you and Mimi don't get back together, but at least you'll know how she feels. I know you're worried about going back to the way you were with Chloe, but don't you see Philip? You already learned from that experience. You proved that in just one way when you stopped yourself from calling Mimi names. What if you and her have a chance? Can you just let that go?"
Philip spoke quietly. "And what if I make the same mistakes again?"
"I guess you're just going to have to take that risk."
****
Mimi gazed at the picture, her eyes blurring as they began to fill with tears. She closed them tightly, opened them, then looked away. She spoke in a whisper. "I barely even know what I'm doing anymore. Philip and I have been friends since we were kids. I never thought that it would become." Her voice dropped off uncertainly.
"Mas?, more?"
Mimi turned to face Ramon and looked up at him. "I'm just scared that I'm the only one who will feel that way.that I'll just be a second best replacement, that the love is going to be one-sided."
"But you not tell him that?"
"How could I?"
Ramon looked at her seriously. "Because he need to know, la verdad, the truth and you do too."
"Ramon-" Mimi started, but he quietly cut her off.
"Miriam, I look at picture and I see beautiful girl. You not see it because you not believe in yourself enough, but I think soon you also will see it if you let yourself. You worried about how he feel.that he not care enough, but I tell you before I see how both of you not happy. I see how he look at you tonight.he care for you Miriam.mucho, a lot.it in his eyes.as it in yours too."
He walked over to her and gently put his hands on her arms. "You scared.I understand, but you not know truth until you talk to him.it best Miriam.it best for both of you."
Mimi reached up for him as he held her in a friendly hug. She closed her eyes, knowing he was right.just hoping she would have the courage to finally do the right thing.
****
Philip nodded his head, then looked a little apprehensive. "Man, I can't believe I told you all of that. I mean Shawn's tried to get me to open up about it, but.I don't know."
Allison looked over at him reassuringly. "Look, if you're worried I'm going to go tell anyone, don't. I appreciate you trusting me and I'm not going to do anything to spoil that."
Philip laughed nervously. "I don't know if it so much that as it's the beer relaxing me.I might wish I kept my mouth shut in the morning."
"I hope not. Honestly Philip, when someone tells me something in confidence I don't go and spread it to the whole world. Maybe there was a specific reason why you could talk to me about it, yet not be able to do it with someone like Shawn."
Philip looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean?"
"It's just.Shawn, like Belle is so close to all of this.they're both good friends with you, Mimi and Chloe. They know about this whole prank business and everything, which I still don't even completely understand. I mean I've seen some pranks pulled at the schools I've went to before, but nothing like that last blast thing.that was just so cruel."
Philip smiled cryptically. "Welcome to the sometimes ridiculous mentality of a small town Allison."
Allison smiled back a little. "Hey, I'm not saying big cities are perfect, but what happened at that dance was pretty bad."
"Yeah, I know, but I can't judge Mimi for what she did that night. I did just as bad.if not worse. And she's a good person.she just made a mistake. I know. I've made many myself."
"Of course you have Philip. Everyone does. I've made tons. I mean for one thing. I know I can sometimes be annoyingly persistent."
Philip faked incredulity. "Really?" He smiled.
Allison smiled back. "Anyway, I think maybe it was easier for you to talk to me about it because I wasn't a part of all that. I wasn't at the last blast and I never saw you and Chloe together. I'm more an objective viewer, you know? Hopefully though, you do realize I do like being your friend, and I hope you know you can trust me. I only wanted to help."
Philip saw the sincerity in her eyes and was grateful for it. "Thanks Allison. I wasn't too happy to talk about all of this at first, but it did help, and I'm sorry I was such a bear at first. I appreciate your respect for my privacy and that you told me a little bit more about your mother. I'm glad we're friends too." He ran a hand through his hair tiredly, sighing.
"I think I know what I have to do."
****
She sat there the next morning, quietly gazing out at the view in front of her. It was a bright sunny day. The snow was still covering the ground in white patches, but the first signs of spring beckoning showed in the tiny bits of new buds that were starting to form on the leafless trees.
She had come here to think, to be alone with her thoughts after everything she had spoken to Ramon about. She was so grateful for his friendship. She didn't completely understand why she couldn't talk to Belle about this, yet could talk to him. Maybe it was because Ramon was a new friend and that he seemed to understand her because of his sister.
Maybe she was just finally ready to face the truth.
When Philip had ended their friendship, she thought somehow she would be able to get by. She hadn't realized how painful it would be. She missed him so much. Then last night when they had danced together, kissed again for the first time in such a long time, she had felt so wonderful being with him, but then the fears returned. What was she going to do though, continue to live in fear and be unhappy, losing something so special?
She thought about everything Ramon had told her, how she needed to face Philip and tell him the truth, but she wasn't sure how to tell him.
What if he rejected her?
She lifted her head, hearing the sound of footsteps in the shallow snow getting closer and closer. She looked over and saw a figure coming out of the shelter of the trees.
****
Philip walked through the snow, his shoes crunching through the soft, yet beginning to melt whiteness. He turned, as the sun shone overhead, warming the frostiness in the air a little. It was the morning after and no hangover, no destroyed house. That was a relief. He had one successful party with hardly any problems. Interesting then.how he hadn't been there for most of it.
He was in the stables, talking to Allison. She had actually helped him quite a bit. With Mimi, Chloe had been such a closed topic because of their history, their dislike for each other. It felt good, opening up about it with someone. Now, he realized too, that he couldn't avoid talking to Mimi about Chloe if they were going to.well be anything to each other again.
He missed her so much and after the way they had been together, how they had danced with each other and kissed each other, he knew he couldn't go on avoiding her. He also knew they weren't going to repair everything by just being together physically. They needed to do more than just that. He still didn't want to rush this.
He walked through the snow, coming out of the trees, seeing right in front of him.
****
Mimi just stared at him as he came out of the trees slowly.
Philip focused his blue eyes on her, noticing her jade eyes fixed on him.
She held onto the chains of the swing with her hands and stared up at him. It made her smile inside. He had come here too.
The place that held so many childhood memories for them.
Philip looked down at her.watching her sit there on the swing quietly, returning his look.
Remembering how they had practically grown up here together and how lately it had become almost a meeting place.
"Mimi."
"Philip."
"I."
He gave away nothing about his feelings, his expression blank. "I came here to think."
Mimi remained cautious. "I did too."
"Oh, well, I'll leave you alone I guess."
He turned to leave.
Mimi watched him.
Then..
"Wait! Philip."
He turned suddenly to face her. "Yeah?"
He waited.
"I.I.I came here to think, but now I.I'm ready to talk to you if you have time.if you even want to talk to me. I mean I wouldn't blame you if you hate me after the way I've acted." She looked at him uncertainly.
Philip regarded her incredulously. "Hate you? I could never feel that way about you. I just hope I didn't scare you last night. I mean when you ran away.I just thought it was what we both wanted, being close again." His voice dropped off doubtfully.
Mimi tried to reassure him. "Oh, but it was what we both wanted. I was just scared, you're right. But not of you!" She added excitedly, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. "Never of you. I just.it's me."
"What Mimi? What scares you?"
"I.I."
"Yeah?" He walked over and quietly sat down on the swing next to her. "It's okay. You can tell me." He reached over and gently placed his hand on hers.
The warmth of his hand gave her courage. She looked into his gentle blue eyes and finally started to tell him the truth.
Allison scanned the room, looking for him, noticing Ramon .alone. She walked over to him. "Ramon, I see you've been abandoned too."
"Que?" Ramon looked at Allison with confusion, not fully understanding what she just said.
"I just meant that Philip left, to where, I'm not sure of, and it looks like Mimi's missing too."
Now Ramon regarded her with understanding. "Ah, si, she say she need time, but she not come back yet. I hope everything okay."
"It probably is, but let's see if anyone else has seen them." They walked off together to find out about the whereabouts of their missing friends.
****
"Belle, look around. Do you see Philip anywhere?"
Belle studied the room from where she was dancing with Shawn, finding no trace of their friend, also noticing something else. "Not only is he nowhere to be found. I also can't find Mimi." She added excitedly. "Oh my gosh Shawn, do you think they're together?"
"Possibly. But where do you think they went?"
****
Startled by the voice, she turned away from Poseidon quickly, to see him, just standing there, in the open doorway of the stables, his face partially hidden in the shadows. She just stood there too, unable to tear her eyes away from him, now noticing the beer in his hand and the way his posture was kind of relaxed, laid back, contradicting the sharp tone in his voice.
The only illumination inside the stables came from some lights that hung over the doorway. The only sounds were from the horses moving around in their stalls from time to time. Not even the noise of the party permeated the peaceful atmosphere of the darkened quiet stables. The only thing causing tension now was the two people who just stood there, watching each other silently.
Philip wondered what was she doing there.
He had been dancing with Allison, then noticed that Mimi wasn't there anymore. He looked all around, then grabbed his leather coat and walked outside, seeing some of the lights from the stables on and the doors open. He walked across the snow, stopping at the entrance, seeing her standing there talking to his horse, but he had only heard the very last bit of what she was saying. He took one more lazy drink of his beer, grateful for it relaxing him a little more since he wasn't in too great a mood.
Mimi felt like he was trying to pierce her with his eyes, his eyes that even in the shadows looked cold. She shakily moved away from the stall, forcing her legs to function, feeling herself getting closer to the doors, knowing she was getting closer to him. "I-I shouldn't of come in here. I'll just leave."
She walked hurriedly, but he quickly dodged in front of her, blocking the entranceway, blocking her way out. His voice was quiet and utterly calm. "I asked you a question."
"I said I'll leave. I'm sure that's what you want." She kept looking down, unable to face him when he was standing so close to her. She started to move around him, but he held onto her arm, not letting her go. She finally looked up at him, seeing that his eyes looked a dull blue. "Let go of me."
"No."
****
"Ramon, there's Shawn and Belle. Let's see if they know anything." Ramon nodded his head in recognition to Allison as they headed over to the couple.
"Ramon, Allison, how you enjoying the party?" Belle asked two of her newest friends.
Allison smiled at Belle, and Shawn, who was standing beside her with a beer. "Actually, it's great. But I was just wondering, have you guys seen Philip or Mimi? We can't seem to find them."
Shawn and Belle exchanged glances.
Allison saw the way they looked at each other, almost as if they were hiding something. "Look, if you think they're together, that's cool. We were just kind of concerned about them."
Shawn spoke up. "We really don't know where they are you guys, but we do think they might be together. I have an idea --someone who might have seen something.."
****
Philip looked down into Mimi's jade eyes, now open wide as he held onto her arm. He lessened his hold a little. "Just tell me what you were going to say."
"Let go of my arm."
"Tell-"
"Let go of me!"
Philip sighed, letting go of her arm. "Fine. Just go wherever it is you plan on running off to." He turned away from her, feeling frustrated, but also the tiniest bit of enjoyment at seeing the defiance in her eyes, having missed that. "You might remember though, this is MY house."
"And that gives you a right to scare the living daylights out of me by sneaking around and not letting me leave! Humph!" She crossed her arms in front of her chest, angrily. "And you're also drunk!"
Philip laughed cryptically, taking out a breath mint from his pocket, putting his beer down on a shelf near the wall. "I am not drunk, just feeling a little more relaxed, and it's not like you haven't been drinking tonight. And I wasn't sneaking around." He turned to face her, now sucking on the breath mint. "Let me remind you."
He stood right in front of her, moving forward little by little, leaving her no other choice than to move back towards the opposite wall. "I don't have to sneak around. I actually LIVE here. You're the one who's wandering around without permission."
Mimi faced him now, bravely, even though she had pretty much no where to go to because he was standing right in front of her and there was the fact that she now had a wall against her back. "Oh forgive me Lord and Master." She pushed at him a little. "Now get out of my way."
"Why don't you just push me out of the way like you did that night? Maybe this time you'll actually be successful in knocking me over."
He was immediately sorry for the way he had spoken so flippantly, seeing the pain and sorrow in her eyes.
"She spoke quietly, her voice trembling. "I didn't want that."
Philip said nothing, just slowly reached out with his hand to her face, using his fingers to stroke her cheek, watching her eyes close at his touch..
****
"So I thought you wanted to go join the party and everything." Brady smiled down at Chloe from where she was sitting in his arms on a step underneath the one he was sitting on. He touched her face with his hand.
Chloe smiled dreamily, lacing her hands around his neck. "I changed my mind. It's kind of nice being with you here away from everyone else."
Brady grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist. "We have our own little private corner."
"Yeah."
"Uh, excuse us."
Brady groaned, looking up at the interruption. Ah, they were finally getting to.oh well. He looked up at Shawn, Belle, Ramon and Allison, as Chloe buried her face in his chest then looked up at her friends too.
"Yes? This better be good you guys!" Brady said with annoyance in his voice.
"We were just wondering if you guys have seen Mimi and Philip at all. They've seemed to disappear." Belle told her brother in response.
"Good. At least they're getting some quality time together. Now do you guys mind?" Brady went back to snuggling with Chloe.
"Brady!" Belle was exasperated. "Get serious! Have you seen them? Yes or no?"
Brady sighed then thought for a minute. "Yeah, Philip came up a little while ago and grabbed his coat. And Chloe, didn't you say you saw Mimi earlier?"
"I thought I saw her get her jacket and walk outside, but I'm not completely sure." Chloe answered, moving away a bit from Brady.
"Look you guys, it sounds like they are together. Why don't we just give them some time? Then if we still can't find them later, we can look for them."
Shawn put in his part. "Brady's right. Maybe they just need some time alone. Let's wait on it a bit."
****
He could see her trembling at his touch, her auburn lashes against her white skin, see the emotions on her face, even with her eyes closed.
She felt a myriad of feelings welling up inside of her from just the way he stroked her face with his fingertips, his touch so soft.
Somewhere, distantly, she felt the wall against her back as her mind filled only with one thing.one person.
It was so amazing touching her again, something he had missed ever so much, feeling her soft skin, seeing her reaction.
But then he remembered their fight, watching her dance with someone else, seeing her out with someone else, remembered what it felt like to be burned, the pain of falling for someone only to have it end without warning.
He took his hand away from her face abruptly and moved back.
Mimi opened her eyes, a tremendous sense of loss inhabiting her the moment his hand left her face. She looked up into his eyes, taking in the fact that he had moved further away from her.
"You shouldn't go wandering around the grounds at night. It's not like this is some small backyard or something. I mean it's pretty safe here.but you never know. It's not a good idea to walk around by yourself."
Mimi moved away a little from the wall and put more distance between them. "You don't even talk to me anymore. Why would you care?" There was pain and anger in her voice. But it wasn't just him she was frustrated with. She was unhappy with herself too, with how she couldn't be stronger. Maybe if she had been, none of this would be happening right now. They'd be together. However, when she thought of Chloe and how he had been so in love with her, she doubted everything again.
She was afraid of getting hurt, of him later deciding it was all a mistake.
"Are you serious?" He asked with disbelief in his voice, having caught the contradicting tones in her voice.
"You actually care about me?" She asked, wanting to know the answer.
Philip focused on her face. "How can you even ask that? You know the answer."
Mimi reacted to how quietly he spoke, his blue eyes telling her the answer, making her almost even more confused. "So you care about me walking around here all alone, but it doesn't matter to you how I get home. How do you even know whether or not I walk home by myself on those nights when I have to stay late at school?"
"Because that very first Tuesday, I made sure you got home safe. I know you got a ride home with your mother."
Mimi looked at him, incredulous, her eyes wide. "You were watching me?"
Philip said nothing, just smiled slightly and turned away from her. "So what's going on with you and Ramon?" He picked up a harness on the shelf near the wall, toying with it a little, his back still turned to her.
"What?"
Philip put the harness down and turned around to face her. "I think you heard me. What's going on with you two? I mean you come here to MY party and do this show-off dance with him. Are you guys----What?" He questioned, noticing the sudden shock on her face.
"You haven't talked to me for weeks and now after a couple of drinks you're all lose and carefree, acting like it's no big thing, expecting me to tell you about myself?!" She asked with a voice full of amazement.
Philip felt his anger building. "YOU"RE the one who started all this, that night. remember? When you said: 'It didn't mean anything'? Remember that? How the heck did you think that would make me feel, huh? I mean, WHAT HAPPENED?" He started to move closer to her again.
"Nothing. It just.I thought we could just be friends, but you made it clear that you don't want that. I'll just go." She moved away from him and started to leave, but he grabbed her arm again.
He answered harshly, not letting go of her. "NO. First you tell me why you're doing this." His voice softened as he gently moved a hair away from her face. "What are you afraid of Mimi?" He studied her eyes, trying to find the answer.
Mimi shakily tore her eyes away from his, wishing he would stop looking at her, removing her arm from his grip, feeling him slowly let go. She started to try to leave again, but he jumped in front of her before she could get out the door.
"Please."
She pleaded with him, needing to get out of there, still so afraid of what she was feeling, of getting hurt. When he had spoken her name, the first time she had heard it from him in so long, she had melted inside.
He kept his hands on her upper arms, heeding the way she would not look at him. It made him sigh with frustration. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, cause her pain, but it was driving him crazy, the way she was acting. If only there was a way he could find out the truth. Maybe.
"You said it meant nothing. Fine. Then it doesn't matter if we are alone here together, does it? In fact, if it meant nothing, then if we danced together it wouldn't mean anything either, would it?"
"I don't want to dance with you." She muttered the words, not daring to look up.
"Why, are you afraid of how it might make you feel?" He challenged, wishing he could get her to look at him.
"No, I'm not afraid." She kept her eyes on the hay on the ground.
He heard the uncertainty in her voice. "Look at me then."
She slowly looked up at him, seeing his blue eyes right away, watching hers. "Don't."
He spoke innocently. "Don't what? What's the big deal? It's just one dance and you already said that you only think of me as a friend, if even that lately. What's it going to hurt?" He still had his hands on her arms as he waited for her to reply.
"You're just acting this way because of the liquor, and there's no music anyway, not in here."
Philip could see the fear in her jade eyes, wondering what scared her. Was it him?
"I already told you, I'm not drunk. I know what I'm doing and there's a radio on the shelf. One dance and then I'll leave you alone. You can go be with your, whatever he is to you." He said the last part with annoyance.
"Ph-" She started to protest, gasping as he shushed her by placing a finger near her lips. "Come on." He put the radio on, flipping the stations until he found what he wanted. Then he removed his coat, placing it on the shelf. Next, he reached for her jacket, slipping it off her shoulders, noticing how she started shivering right away.
"It's cold!" She was half lying. It was actually pretty warm in the heated stables, but she was still trembling.
"Then you better hold onto me to stay warm." He reached out, taking her into his arms, holding her very close. Then he waited to see how she would react, not wanting to force it.
Mimi tentatively placed her hands up near his shoulders, feeling contradicting emotions. His closeness made her a little uneasy, but at the same time, it excited her.
Philip bent down, whispering covertly in her ear. "Still cold?"
She automatically shook her head, unable to find her voice.
"Good." Philip looked down at her, satisfied. His arms were wrapped firmly around her waist, his hands between her middle and lower back. His fingers lay against her sleeveless top, the satiny feel of it pleasing to the touch. He reveled in their closeness and the palatable feel of her hands near his shoulders.
Mimi gazed up into his eyes that were now watching hers intently. She could feel their bodies so close to each other that she had to hold onto him to maintain her balance, but she definitely wasn't complaining. His satin-silk shirt felt so luxurious underneath her fingers.
Outside the stables, a frosty chill was in the air, but inside the temperature was more than warm enough. With only the lights above the doorway to brighten the darkened stables, the only sound coming from the radio and their shoes shuffling through the hay, Mimi and Philip began to dance, each filled with secret thoughts, hopes, wishes and desires.
****
They had decided to wait to find out where their two missing friends were. They would find them later.
Ramon and Allison headed over to a corner of the room, talking quietly.
Allison thought Philip could take care of himself, but Ramon was still worried about Mimi. She tried to reassure him. "I'm sure she's fine. They're probably together." She spoke to him in his native Spanish, making it much easier for them to talk and understand each other.
Ramon noticed that she spoke very well, with little difficulty. She obviously had underestimated her ability to speak the language earlier. "Yes, maybe. But what if they're not. I just don't want her wandering around by herself. I know she'll be fine if she's with him, but if she's alone." His voice dropped off.
Allison gave in. "Okay, we'll check on them in a little bit. But first Ramon, what do you think happened with them? I think we've both seen it." She said with a knowing look.
Ramon's face showed understanding at her words. "The way they look at each other.Yes. They never speak to each other, but."
She finished for him. "It's obvious they want to and that they're trying to hide it. Ramon, do you mind me asking? Do you think of Mimi as more than a friend?"
"Do you think of Philip as more than a friend?"
Allison laughed at his counter remark. He was fast when he was speaking in his native tongue. "Ha, I asked you first."
Ramon smiled. "I like Miriam a lot. She is friendly, funny and beautiful. She has been a good friend to me. But I know she is unhappy and I know it has to do with Philip. Maybe if there wasn't someone else." He contemplated, then raised his hands as if saying 'oh well.' "I might think more, but I'm okay just being her friend. I just wished there was a way I could help her. Now, what about you? I answered. Now it's your turn. How do you feel about Philip?"
Allison sighed. "What can I say? He's a great guy.very different from how I thought he was at first. But I feel the same way as you do. I know he's unhappy and I know it has to do with her. If there wasn't that factor I'd probably go for it, but.I'm like you. I don't want to be the cause of more problems."
"Mimi got upset one night when she saw you with Philip coming out of a restaurant. Did that mean anything?"
Allison shook her head in response. "Oh my gosh, that must be the same night we saw you two come out of a restaurant. That didn't mean anything, did it?"
"No." Ramon scratched his head in frustration. "What do we do? They won't talk to each other."
"No, they won't, but maybe, just maybe.there's another way."
****
{Huh-huh, I'm-I'm going crazy baby}
They started to slowly move together as the voices of K-CI and JoJo began, as the sound of the instruments and voices came from the radio, as the fitting song "Crazy" began, fitting because it fit both of their erratic moods lately, how they felt without each other.
{Ooooh, I don't know, but.I'm going.I'm going.}
Her legs moving against his.
{See baby I apologize
For all the things that I've done that I've done}
His hands moving up and down her back over and over, sending sensations of awareness throughout her. making her delirious.
{See I know that I've been a fool for far too loooong}
Her hands moved up and down his shoulders, near the opening of his shirt, her fingers tracing tiny involuntary circles, that made him feel.
That he was losing his senses.
{And baby you have it, and don't run away, just come back to papa
Please baby, baby won't you stay}
He looked down at her, waiting, waiting impatiently for her to raise her head and let him see her eyes, her every facial feature.
{If you really love me then why are you leaving me}
Finally, she granted his wish, looking up to find his eyes staring down into hers unblinkingly, watching her, taking in her every feature.
His blue eyes, now the color of a wild ocean, rapt in her jade ones.
{I can't think, think about this crazy day
I lose sleep just to daydream about you baby}
She felt dizzy gazing into that deep deep ocean, feeling like she was drowning in it.
She tore her eyes away, feeling his arms securely around her, not letting her fall.
Placing her face against his chest, she luxuriated in the silkiness of his shirt against her face, the coolness of it in contrast to the heat of his skin that just touched the top of her head, where the neckline buttons of his shirt remained open.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinking about you lately}
(Crazy baby)
His fingers spread against her back, a massaging touch.
The heat of her face against his chest sent his sense reeling as he began to move his head down.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinking about you baby}
(I-I don't know what to do, noooo)
She shuddered as she felt his warm breath against her forehead.
He slowly rested his chin on top of her head, closing his eyes, giving in to the swirling patterns running through his mind.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, thinking about you lately}
(Crazy.Crazy.Crazy)
She moved back a little, rapturously taking in the outline of muscles underneath his black shirt.
Feeling his chin moving against her forehead.
His skin rubbing against hers.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, when I can't touch you}
(Crazy, Crazy)
{Crazy, crazy, when I can't hold you}
(I'm going crazy)
{Crazy, crazy when I can't see you again}
(I'm going crazy oooohhh, ohhhohhhohhh, Say I'm going crazy, say I'm going crazy.baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.Said I'm going crazy)
He couldn't get enough of it, her soft skin against his as he moved the side of his face over and over against hers.
{I've finally realized that you are my true love
And I've had a lot of time to think, and you're all I seem to keep think. thinking
To keep thinking of}
She closed her eyes, succumbing to the ocean of emotion she was feeling, her head once again falling against his chest, her cheek resting there, as the ecstasy of his warmth surrounded her.
{Now I know I need you each and every day
I can't live without you, so don't run away}
He moved his hands from her back slowly to her arms, his fingers running over her soft skin, kneading it tenderly.
Heating it with his touch.
{Baby you said that you loved me, so why you leaving me}
(Why, why, why, why, why, why)
She trembled from his touch at first, but he continued the rhythmic motions, soothing her.
She felt herself adrift from her mind, from every outside thought, sight and sound.
{I can't think, think about this crazy day}
(Crazy day, why are you leaving me)
As their bodies moved together to the emotion filled song, he let go of her arms and gently stroked her face, using the utmost tenderness in getting her to look at him, his hands cradling it.
{I lose sleep just to daydream about you baby}
(baby.I'm going crazy)
He stroked her face with his fingertips, moving his mouth against her forehead.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinking about you lately}
(Just to think)
She mindlessly moved her hands to his back, up around his shoulders, over his back again, traveling back and forth, feeling his muscular physique, as his lips continued to move over her face, the intensity making her feverish.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinking about you baby}
(I'm going crazy, I'm going crazy, Ooooohhhohoh)
He continued to move his lips down, down, down, to her temple, to her cheek, to meet with her own lips.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, thinking about you lately}
(doo, doo, doo, doo, doo)
His lips convened with hers, just touching at first, lingering there, and then they slowly parted, opening up as hers did too, their mouths moving together, dancing to the rhapsody of their emotions just as their bodies were to the music.
{I'm going crazy, crazy, but I can't touch you}
(Crazy, Crazy)
She felt passions rising through her that she had never experienced before, as her heart took over for her mind.
Oh.
The intoxicating sense of him, how she was melting under his touch, the taste of him sparking her desire, his hands on her backside, his fingers squeezing and kneading her back repeatedly, the kiss attempting to take away all the pain and loneliness they had felt being estranged from each other.
She clung to him, forgetting all her fears, never wanting this feeling to end.
{Crazy, crazy when I can hold you}
(I'm going crazy, ohhohohoh)
He felt only, no longer thinking, savoring being with her, feeling her hands, her fingers moving over his back again and again, up his shoulders, her touch stirring every emotion inside him.
Sensing her falling.
Using his arms to keep her up, holding her fiercely, protectively, as his lips continued to move with hers, seeking more, but always asking first, feeling her consent by the way she responded.
Drunk in the ecstasy of her.
{Crazy, crazy when I can see you again}
(If I can see you again, If I can see you again, If I can see you again)
"Miriam, Miriam, are you out here?"
She felt herself falling back down to earth at the voice, realizing what she was doing, who she was with.
She remembered her fears, seeing him with Chloe, her anxiety about never being enough, worrying that it would end, scared that they might end up unintentionally hurting each other.
He heard the voice too, but didn't pay attention to it, not caring about anything except about how it felt to be with her.
Forgetting his words about taking things slow.
{If I can see you, if I can see you again}
She desperately pushed him away from her, but this time not harshly, just enough to get away, tearing her lips from his with utter remorse, breathless, her hands flailing for support.
He too was breathless as his hands gripped her arms, holding her up, both of them fighting to get their equilibrium back to normal, their erratic heartbeats to slow down.
{If I can see you again
And now I go}
As reality began to set in again, Philip held onto her, his face falling forward against hers, feeling her desperately trying to move away from him.
"Mimi." His voice was all but a ragged whisper as he felt her struggling in his grip.
"I.I have to go." She whispered too, finding very little strength from her vocal cords.
"No. Wait."
"That's Ramon.he's looking for me."
"Why do you do this, keep running away?"
His voice was full of emotion as he tried to find out why she wouldn't open up to him. "Mimi, what is it?" He held onto her arms, looking deep into her eyes. "What's scaring you? Me? Because I don't believe it anymore, that you feel nothing, that when we're together like this that it doesn't mean anything to you. Tell me, is it me? Do I do something to scare you?"
{If I can see you again}
"No, I know you would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. You don't scare me. It's not that. I just have to go." She moved out of his grip, stumbling, feeling him reach for her. She pushed his hands away though, shakily, grabbed her jacket and ran out into the night.
Straight into the arms of Ramon.
Philip walked over and watched, standing in the shadows of the doorway, trying to understand what was going on. Maybe it was him. Maybe there was something wrong with him. First there had been all the craziness with Chloe, the way he lost himself, and now he was starting to feel like he might make the same mistakes again.He didn't want to do that, couldn't do that.
And what happened to taking things slow? All he knew was that he hadn't been with her for so long and his emotions took over.
He watched as Ramon hugged Mimi, hearing her explain to him that she was fine, but wanted to go home. He watched.
As she looked past Ramon's shoulder.
At him.
{I'd go crazy}
Philip and Mimi just held each other, with only their eyes now, as they saw in each other pain, uncertainty, fear and desire.
The desire they had felt being together.
Philip felt himself unable to look anymore, to watch her being comforted by someone else just minutes after she had been in his arms.
Responding to his touch.
He turned away from her.
She turned to leave with Ramon.
Philip walked back into the stables, sinking down against the wall, closing his eyes, feeling half out of his mind.
{I go crazy, I go crazy, I go crazy, I go crazy}
She stopped, as Ramon talked to Allison, still able to feel his unbelievable touch, the heat of his lips.
{As a matter of fact I'm going crazy}
A part of Mimi wanted to go back to him, but she still had so many doubts, so much anxiety.
A part of Philip wanted to run after her, but he was terrified of being hurt again, of going back to that jealous, out of control person.
Their feelings, not some outside stimulant were what intoxicated them.
Stirred the heart to life, making the mind go nuts.
It wasn't enough though.
The passion was amazing, but it wasn't a cure to their problems. They needed to talk, really talk, before they could truly begin to deal with everything and help each other. The question was, what would be the stimulus that would lead to that?
Could it possibly come from the direction of others?
{Crazy.I'm going crazy.I think I'm going crazy.I'm going crazy..Let's go crazy}
Mimi closed her eyes. "Oh Philly."
Philip closed his eyes. "Oh Meems."
'Crazy' by K-Ci and Jo Jo
Chapter 43: Direction
Ramon and Allison finished talking and Ramon looked over at Mimi, seeing that she was deep in thought. "Miriam, you ready?"
Mimi looked up quickly, disturbed from her thoughts. "Uh.uh.yeah." She said tentatively and then followed Ramon to the car.
****
Allison walked into the darkened and quiet stables, now that the radio was turned off. She looked around, wondering where he was, then saw him sitting against the wall, his head back and his eyes closed. "Ph-" She started, but was cut off abruptly by his sharp tone.
"I want to be alone."
She walked over near the wall. "It might help if you talk about it."
Philip laughed cryptically. "Yeah, right!" He moved his head away from the wall and sat forward, holding his head in his hands, frustrated.
"Philip-" She started out a little tentatively, cut off again.
He interrupted her angrily. "I told you, I DON'T want to talk about it!! Why don't you just go back to the party and LEAVE ME ALONE!" He got up and turned his back on her, leaning against the shelf on the opposite wall.
Allison sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.
****
Mimi looked at the road confusedly, now actually paying attention to where they were going, noticing that they weren't going the right way to her house. "Ramon, this isn't the way to my house. You must have forgotten how to get there."
Ramon kept his eyes on the road. "I know Miriam. We not go to your house yet."
Mimi looked at Ramon with shock. "But I told you I wanted to go home and you said you'd take me. What are you doing Ramon?" She asked with the tiniest bit of nervousness in her voice.
"Miriam, please don't worry. I just.I need to take you somewhere first. I need to show you something."
"What? Where are we going?"
"You will see what it is soon and we go to my aunt's house." He hoped this would work or at least help.
****
Allison got up, but kept her distance, aware he was upset. "Look, you're obviously not happy and I know it has to do with Mimi. I really do just want to help. I'm a good listener."
Philip turned around to look at her suspiciously. "Why would I tell YOU? I mean, I know we've started to become friends, but I still don't even know you that well. How do I even know I can trust you?"
"Who am I going to tell Philip? You're right, we've only started to get to know each other, but we also have similar backgrounds. I know it's not that easy for you to trust a lot of people because they could be using you for things like your money or your popularity. I've been there before too Philip. I know how it feels. I also know that you're a good person, not one of those uncaring snobs that I've had to deal with so many times. You're quite a catch Philip Kiriakis." She added with a small smile.
Philip replied cynically. "Yeah, sure I am because I'm rich, popular and a great athlete." He spoke honestly, not trying to brag, just confident in his abilities at certain activities, though less self- assured in other areas. "Of course though, very few people care that I've worked my tail off at getting better grades this year, that I've tried to help people that are less fortunate, that I've-"
Allison cut him off gently. "Philip, I didn't mean that you're such a great guy because of superficial reasons. I meant because of the kind of person you are, really are, that part of you that you only show to a select few: like Shawn and Belle, but most of all Chloe and..and Mimi, right?"
****
Ramon and Mimi walked into the garage. Mimi watched as he headed over to a covered object and uncovered it. She gasped. It was done!
"Ramon, why didn't you tell me you finished the painting?"
Ramon smiled. "Because I not finish it yet. It just look like it done. I still have to add.uh.final touches."
Mimi walked over, looking at him a little questioningly. "I don't understand. You told me I had to wait until it was finished to see it. So why are you showing it to me now?"
Ramon studied the portrait quietly now that it was uncovered, crouching down next to it. Then he turned his attention back to Mimi. "Tell me Miriam, what you see in picture."
She pushed back some of her auburn hair, her arm grazing against her jacket with the motion. "It's a beautiful painting. You're so talented. You made me look."
Her voice dropped off as she looked down.
Ramon regarded her intently. "How do I make you look? Tell me Miriam, not about the painting, but about who is in the painting."
Mimi looked at him confused. "What do you mean?" Then she hurriedly put in: "Maybe we're not totally understanding each other because of the language barrier."
Ramon shook his head in response. "No, I understand you. What I try to say is I want you to look at girl (you) in picture and tell me about her. What does she look like?"
Mimi focused on the picture again, answering uncertainly. "I don't know.I guess I look okay. I mean you made me look great, so different."
Ramon sighed, closing his eyes then smiling. He was getting to understand more. "Ah si. Ahora, yo comprendo. You know what I see Miriam when I look in that picture? Yo veo una muchacha que es muy bonita."
"What?"
Ramon answered simply, staring straight up into her eyes. "I said that I see a very beautiful girl."
Mimi just stared at him, in shock.
****
Philip said nothing, just sat down on the hay again, his back against the wall.
Allison followed, sitting down near him, though leaving some distance between them. "You choose to show only certain people what you really are like, how sensitive you are. You do that to protect yourself, right? To keep yourself from getting hurt? Well maybe that's what Mimi's doing."
Philip spoke softly. "Why? Because she is afraid of me?"
Allison shook her head. "I don't know for sure, because I barely know her, but no, I don't think she's afraid OF you. I just think."
"What?"
"I think she may be insecure and I think in part it has to do with Chloe. You two were very serious, weren't you? You really cared about her a lot." She added softly: "Maybe you were even in love with her?"
Philip smiled. "You're good. You going to become a lawyer or something?"
Allison was relieved that he was finally smiling some. "How did you guess?"
Philip chuckled. "Should have known." Then he got serious again. "Yeah, I was in love with her, but some things happened and I got jealous. Then later I got really crazy and stupid. I wanted to be with her all of the time and she wasn't comfortable with that. She needed her space. But I was obsessed. I forgot about everything that mattered to me, except her. Then the Last Blast Dance came." He noticed her look of confusion and explained. "It's the name for this dance we have each year, the last day of school. Well this time, there was a prank planned to hurt Chloe."
Allison looked at Philip with shock. "Oh my gosh, who would do something like that?" Then she caught Philip's expression. "No! Mimi?"
"Yeah. With the help of this other girl. Jan Spears?"
"Oh, I've met her." Allison said, then gave a look of distaste. "I don't like her. She's been sugar sweet to me, but I don't know.she seems very phony."
Philip smiled ironically. "You're right. She is. She likes using people to serve her own needs. From day one, she and Chloe clashed. Actually very few people liked Chloe at first because when she first came, she dressed in all black and she kept to herself a lot. She was just plain different. Just about everyone except Shawn and Belle picked on her, including me. I was actually pretty awful to her at times." Philip added ashamedly.
"You too?"
"Yeah. See, you weren't so wrong about me when you first met me after all. The way you first described me was pretty much the way I used to be. After I started secretly liking Chloe, I changed. I learned things about myself I never thought about or even realized before, but then later I went overboard and like I said earlier, I got obsessed."
Allison was attempting to absorb all he was saying. It was a lot to take in, but she also wanted to know what the prank was. "So, what happened at the Last Blast?"
"Mimi and Jan had filmed Chloe in the shower and then they showed the slides on a screen at the dance for everyone to see."
Allison covered her mouth with disbelief. "NO! Oh my.How could they do something so horrible, so cruel?"
Philip shook his head in dismay. "I don't know. I still don't entirely understand it, though I know Mimi regrets it. But wait, there's more. They set up an internet site with the pictures, making it look like it was all Chloe's idea.that she was trying to raise money for music school and the worse part was that I believed it."
Allison looked at him shocked. "How.how could you believe something like that about your own girlfriend? I mean, you loved her, right?"
"Yeah, I did, but.I was just so.I saw those pictures and I just went nuts.seeing her being exposed like that. She had been so secretive lately and I just acted horribly. I saw those pictures and automatically I thought she was doing it to hurt me.to make me look like a fool. I walked out on her. I left her all alone in the middle of that dance floor.I abandoned her. Then later I lashed out, calling her sickening names.some of the ones I had used when she first came here, some new ones. I later found out that she had nothing to do with it. Mimi confessed the truth to me and I felt sick inside that I had done that to the girl I loved. I tried to apologize, but it was too late. I hurt her too much. But I still didn't give up on the chance of us getting back together. Mimi and Jan ended up going to court. They were told that they couldn't participate in ANY social school functions, dances.anything that wasn't academic. They were told that every day they would have to clean out the locker rooms.so every day after school that's what they do this year. They also were told they would have to go on this school trip we had this past summer to an island, to learn about preserving the environment."
"That's ridiculous! They do something like that and they get a free trip!"
"Yeah, I thought that at first too, but I don't know. It's what the judge decided with Chloe's approval. She was the one who pretty much decided on their punishments. Anyway, Chloe was going to go too, but when she saw me also going, she quickly decided not to. So I ended up spending my time on the island pretty miserable, missing her. Mimi and I talked some and I could see for the first time she realized that what she did to Chloe was pretty awful. I wanted to blame her so much, but she pointed out to me the fact that I was her boyfriend and I had also treated Chloe pretty awfully, a fact that I couldn't deny. We started to get a little closer, but mainly I spent my time trying to help Shawn get this ruby that belonged to his grandmother. It's a long story, but he, Belle and myself ended up on this wild adventure, running from this dangerous guy who also wanted the ruby. He left us in this cavernous pit to die, but we found a tunnel that led to the ocean. We had to swim for our lives and somehow I ended up losing them, stranded on a deserted island by myself with a lot of injuries and feeling very sick."
"Oh my gosh! What happened?"
"Brady found me and they (my family and friends) took me to a hospital. I saw Chloe again, but the island changed me. I really thought about everything, how I had acted and I decided that if Chloe didn't want to be with me, I would let her go. Then later, I could tell that she and Brady had grown closer.much closer. I thanked him for saving my life and I let go of Chloe, but I hoped maybe someday we could get back together. Anyway, I went back to school, determined to do well, to focus on MY life again, and thankful that I was alive. Well it seemed Mimi and I had pretty much the same goals, focusing on our lives, on the positive. We started spending more time together and I started to see how tough her punishment actually was. I mean, she can't go to ANY school event Allison and this is her senior year. It's not exactly easy for her, but she doesn't spend any time wallowing about it. She's changed so much this year, though actually, it's not so much a change as a part of her she's rarely shown."
Allison saw the devotion and fondness in his face as he spoke of her, the protectiveness. "You're really proud of her, aren't you?"
Philip smiled a bit. "Yeah, I am. She's helped me to deal with a lot of things. We've just been there for each other so much this school year. We've went through a lot together."
"So what happened? What led to you guys not talking to each other?"
****
Ramon regarded her with interest, seeing the shock in her face. "Ah Miriam, you not see that when you look at the picture?"
Mimi shook her head nervously.
Ramon sighed. "Ah Miriam. You so much like mi hermana."
"What?"
"You are like me sister. She so much like you, my little sister, Maria. She is beautiful like you, but she sometimes not see that. I tell her, she need to believe in herself. She just laugh."
"Philip's told me the same thing before."
"He tell you to believe in yourself?"
"Yes."
"He right. You are beautiful inside and outside, like me sister. I think that why I like you so much. You remind me of her. What else Philip tell you?"
Mimi shrugged as Ramon stood up. "He just told me that I'm pretty and stuff and that if I don't believe that no one else will."
Ramon nodded his head. "He right. You need to believe. I see you so happy, but underneath I see the sadness in your eyes, because of him, si?"
Mimi hesitated, then answered, tired and knowing he was just trying to help. "Yes. We've been friends for a long time, but things changed this year. We started spending more time together and getting closer. He became a real good friend to me."
"So why you not talk anymore?"
"I.I."
"You what Miriam? It okay. You can tell me. I just want to help. I don't want my new friend to be sad." He smiled at her gently, his dark eyes turning a warm brown color.
"I got scared.I thought he would decide it was a mistake, going out with me. I told you about Chloe, how she was his girlfriend. He was just so crazy about her. I just felt like I couldn't compete with her. I mean all the guys at school think she's just so wonderful and me.well, I just." She stopped speaking, looking down at the ground.
"Chloe is pretty, yes. But it not make her better than you. I not know her much, but I just think you two different. He not make you feel pretty, that it? Philip not treat you special?"
Mimi looked up again and smiled, closing her eyes, remembering how wonderful it was to be with Philip, how gentle and kind he was with her. "No, no. He's treated me so wonderfully. He's such an amazing person."
"So then why you not want to be with him?" Ramon looked at her questioningly.
"I was afraid we would hurt each other." Mimi answered quietly.
"Ay. That why he and you two not talk to each other. But Miriam you are not happy and he is not. You see that, yes?"
"He'll probably just forget about me."
"No, I don't think he will. He care too much about you. That's why you both look not happy. I see tonight how both of you look when you come out to see me, when I call you. He watched you Miriam, with sad eyes. You were both not happy. Miriam, you are scared. That why you run away, yes? You are scared of what you feel."
"No.I don't know, uh.yeah."
"Si. Miriam you are scared.because you falling in love."
****
Philip smiled sadly, morosely. "I don't know. Well actually, we were getting to be more than friends and then all of the sudden she just ended it. She decided she didn't want to be more. And I.I."
"You what, Philip?"
"I lashed out again like I did with Chloe, but before it got too ugly, before I started the name calling again, I just stopped it. I told her that I didn't want to have anything to do with her anymore."
"And you meant it?" Allison asked skeptically, pretty much already knowing the answer.
"No, but I just.I didn't want to go there again.back to the way I had been before."
"You mean like with Chloe?"
"Yeah. I mean Chloe and I have made our peace. We're friends now and I'm happy with that, relieved about it because I will always care about her, but I just don't want to go through that, turning all jealous and obsessive, losing myself again."
"So you just gave up on Mimi because of that?"
Philip spoke angrily. "She made the choice Allison!"
"Yes, but I've seen how unhappy you have been, and she doesn't seem that happy either. It's like I said before.I think she's scared."
"Well if it's about Chloe, I don't get it. I told her it's over."
"But have you talked to her that much about Chloe? I mean it can't be an easy topic right, with the way she doesn't get along with her, with the things she did to her and how she's paying the price now?"
"I know she's sorry for what she did and that she's trying to make up for it as much as she can.even though she knows she can't take it back. It is hard for her to talk about and I guess I avoided talking with her about it that much because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or upset."
"Well I think it would help if you talk to her about it. I think then you might understand why she's running away, because it seems to me that that's what she's doing. Look, I told you about my mother dying when I was young, but I didn't tell you how that has affected my life. Even though I barely remember her, I know, somehow I know that it made me the way I am today. I had to learn to be tough, to be strong and to never leave anything hanging, to resolve everything." Her eyes had started to tear up at the mention and the thought of her mother, but she quickly brushed the tears away. "And I think that's what you have to do. Maybe it will mean that you and Mimi don't get back together, but at least you'll know how she feels. I know you're worried about going back to the way you were with Chloe, but don't you see Philip? You already learned from that experience. You proved that in just one way when you stopped yourself from calling Mimi names. What if you and her have a chance? Can you just let that go?"
Philip spoke quietly. "And what if I make the same mistakes again?"
"I guess you're just going to have to take that risk."
****
Mimi gazed at the picture, her eyes blurring as they began to fill with tears. She closed them tightly, opened them, then looked away. She spoke in a whisper. "I barely even know what I'm doing anymore. Philip and I have been friends since we were kids. I never thought that it would become." Her voice dropped off uncertainly.
"Mas?, more?"
Mimi turned to face Ramon and looked up at him. "I'm just scared that I'm the only one who will feel that way.that I'll just be a second best replacement, that the love is going to be one-sided."
"But you not tell him that?"
"How could I?"
Ramon looked at her seriously. "Because he need to know, la verdad, the truth and you do too."
"Ramon-" Mimi started, but he quietly cut her off.
"Miriam, I look at picture and I see beautiful girl. You not see it because you not believe in yourself enough, but I think soon you also will see it if you let yourself. You worried about how he feel.that he not care enough, but I tell you before I see how both of you not happy. I see how he look at you tonight.he care for you Miriam.mucho, a lot.it in his eyes.as it in yours too."
He walked over to her and gently put his hands on her arms. "You scared.I understand, but you not know truth until you talk to him.it best Miriam.it best for both of you."
Mimi reached up for him as he held her in a friendly hug. She closed her eyes, knowing he was right.just hoping she would have the courage to finally do the right thing.
****
Philip nodded his head, then looked a little apprehensive. "Man, I can't believe I told you all of that. I mean Shawn's tried to get me to open up about it, but.I don't know."
Allison looked over at him reassuringly. "Look, if you're worried I'm going to go tell anyone, don't. I appreciate you trusting me and I'm not going to do anything to spoil that."
Philip laughed nervously. "I don't know if it so much that as it's the beer relaxing me.I might wish I kept my mouth shut in the morning."
"I hope not. Honestly Philip, when someone tells me something in confidence I don't go and spread it to the whole world. Maybe there was a specific reason why you could talk to me about it, yet not be able to do it with someone like Shawn."
Philip looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean?"
"It's just.Shawn, like Belle is so close to all of this.they're both good friends with you, Mimi and Chloe. They know about this whole prank business and everything, which I still don't even completely understand. I mean I've seen some pranks pulled at the schools I've went to before, but nothing like that last blast thing.that was just so cruel."
Philip smiled cryptically. "Welcome to the sometimes ridiculous mentality of a small town Allison."
Allison smiled back a little. "Hey, I'm not saying big cities are perfect, but what happened at that dance was pretty bad."
"Yeah, I know, but I can't judge Mimi for what she did that night. I did just as bad.if not worse. And she's a good person.she just made a mistake. I know. I've made many myself."
"Of course you have Philip. Everyone does. I've made tons. I mean for one thing. I know I can sometimes be annoyingly persistent."
Philip faked incredulity. "Really?" He smiled.
Allison smiled back. "Anyway, I think maybe it was easier for you to talk to me about it because I wasn't a part of all that. I wasn't at the last blast and I never saw you and Chloe together. I'm more an objective viewer, you know? Hopefully though, you do realize I do like being your friend, and I hope you know you can trust me. I only wanted to help."
Philip saw the sincerity in her eyes and was grateful for it. "Thanks Allison. I wasn't too happy to talk about all of this at first, but it did help, and I'm sorry I was such a bear at first. I appreciate your respect for my privacy and that you told me a little bit more about your mother. I'm glad we're friends too." He ran a hand through his hair tiredly, sighing.
"I think I know what I have to do."
****
She sat there the next morning, quietly gazing out at the view in front of her. It was a bright sunny day. The snow was still covering the ground in white patches, but the first signs of spring beckoning showed in the tiny bits of new buds that were starting to form on the leafless trees.
She had come here to think, to be alone with her thoughts after everything she had spoken to Ramon about. She was so grateful for his friendship. She didn't completely understand why she couldn't talk to Belle about this, yet could talk to him. Maybe it was because Ramon was a new friend and that he seemed to understand her because of his sister.
Maybe she was just finally ready to face the truth.
When Philip had ended their friendship, she thought somehow she would be able to get by. She hadn't realized how painful it would be. She missed him so much. Then last night when they had danced together, kissed again for the first time in such a long time, she had felt so wonderful being with him, but then the fears returned. What was she going to do though, continue to live in fear and be unhappy, losing something so special?
She thought about everything Ramon had told her, how she needed to face Philip and tell him the truth, but she wasn't sure how to tell him.
What if he rejected her?
She lifted her head, hearing the sound of footsteps in the shallow snow getting closer and closer. She looked over and saw a figure coming out of the shelter of the trees.
****
Philip walked through the snow, his shoes crunching through the soft, yet beginning to melt whiteness. He turned, as the sun shone overhead, warming the frostiness in the air a little. It was the morning after and no hangover, no destroyed house. That was a relief. He had one successful party with hardly any problems. Interesting then.how he hadn't been there for most of it.
He was in the stables, talking to Allison. She had actually helped him quite a bit. With Mimi, Chloe had been such a closed topic because of their history, their dislike for each other. It felt good, opening up about it with someone. Now, he realized too, that he couldn't avoid talking to Mimi about Chloe if they were going to.well be anything to each other again.
He missed her so much and after the way they had been together, how they had danced with each other and kissed each other, he knew he couldn't go on avoiding her. He also knew they weren't going to repair everything by just being together physically. They needed to do more than just that. He still didn't want to rush this.
He walked through the snow, coming out of the trees, seeing right in front of him.
****
Mimi just stared at him as he came out of the trees slowly.
Philip focused his blue eyes on her, noticing her jade eyes fixed on him.
She held onto the chains of the swing with her hands and stared up at him. It made her smile inside. He had come here too.
The place that held so many childhood memories for them.
Philip looked down at her.watching her sit there on the swing quietly, returning his look.
Remembering how they had practically grown up here together and how lately it had become almost a meeting place.
"Mimi."
"Philip."
"I."
He gave away nothing about his feelings, his expression blank. "I came here to think."
Mimi remained cautious. "I did too."
"Oh, well, I'll leave you alone I guess."
He turned to leave.
Mimi watched him.
Then..
"Wait! Philip."
He turned suddenly to face her. "Yeah?"
He waited.
"I.I.I came here to think, but now I.I'm ready to talk to you if you have time.if you even want to talk to me. I mean I wouldn't blame you if you hate me after the way I've acted." She looked at him uncertainly.
Philip regarded her incredulously. "Hate you? I could never feel that way about you. I just hope I didn't scare you last night. I mean when you ran away.I just thought it was what we both wanted, being close again." His voice dropped off doubtfully.
Mimi tried to reassure him. "Oh, but it was what we both wanted. I was just scared, you're right. But not of you!" She added excitedly, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. "Never of you. I just.it's me."
"What Mimi? What scares you?"
"I.I."
"Yeah?" He walked over and quietly sat down on the swing next to her. "It's okay. You can tell me." He reached over and gently placed his hand on hers.
The warmth of his hand gave her courage. She looked into his gentle blue eyes and finally started to tell him the truth.