Author's Notes: Just a short little chapter to move the plot along. Expect at least 2 or 3 chapters tomorrow. I'm going update crazy this weekend. And I'm not making this thing so easy and clear cut. Believe me. It wouldn't drag you in if it was so general. I hope you guys like and give me any feedback on anything.. Tell me what you like and don't like and what I can and shouldn't do.... Thanks tons!!
~*~
She felt the vibration of her pager against her back. She quickly unclipped it and looked at the glowing screen in the dark room. She had managed to fall asleep, but that was cut short by her page. She looked at the number, recognizing it as the Peds Oncology floor and jumped off the bed, sliding her feet into her shoes on the way out. She stopped in the bathroom for a second, she needed to wake up and somewhat human. She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time in weeks. She looked horrible. Dark bags under her eyes, her skin pale and lifeless. Her bones were sticking out more and more, she needed to take care of herself, she needed to eat. She ran her hands through her hair, pulling her hair up into a ponytail. When she secured the barrette, a few strands came along with her fingers. She brushed them off quickly turned on the faucet. The water squeeked out slowly and she slashed her face with it. She dried her face off, and headed towards the stairs.
In a few minutes she met Dr. Clairon at the front desk. He didn't look too thrilled. She felt like another wave of disappointment was on it's way.
"I just reviewed the biopsy. He's not a match."
This news was just icing to the cake. She couldn't donate, she wasn't a blood match. Now Carter wasn't a match. Her horrors were slowly becoming reality. It would take months to find a match, and then it would be too late. She could try everything but it probably wouldn't work.
"Is there anyone else, a direct blood relative?"
She started shaking her head. She had been tested, so has Carter.
"His twin sister, but she's too young."
She saw him look up at her quickly, distracted from the current paperwork.
"She's nine?"
She nodded her head slowly. She was thinking about what to do now. Transfer him home? Let him be peaceful for his last few days? Transfer him to a different hosptial? She was clueless. And hopeless.
"Blood type?"
She looked surprizingly at the man in front of her.
"She's too young."
She watched him take off his glasses and clean them off.
"She's his only hope right now."
She couldn't subejct Annette through it. A bone biopsy, and if proved positive, tests beyond tests, including a spinal tap. It would be too much pain for her to go through. She couldn't have both her children in pain. And there were risks. The younger the donor the more risks they were taking. She couldn't subject herself, or Annette to it. She couldn't loose both. As much as they didn't deserve her, she loved them with her whole heart.
"A positive. Same as John."
She watched him look over his notes, John's chart. He flipped through the first few pages, then looked back at her.
"How soon can you get her here for the biopsy?"
She closed her eyes, wanting to scream. Wanting to say no. Wanting to do anything but subject her daugther to this. She still didn't know about her brother's condition. She was clueless to his state. And now she was going to go through more pain that she should ever have to.
"Half an hour."
She regretted even placing herself here, but since she was, she had to follow through. Maybe Annette wouldn't be a match. Or she would be. It was hard to pick, one pain over another, two losses or two gains, or one of each. She would never forgive herself if something went wrong with Annette. During the operation, or after. This was the riskiest buisness ever. She grabbed the phone from the desk, and started to dial Susan's number. Annette was spending the night there since both she and Carter had to work. She caught Susan and explained the situation to her, she was going to be there ASAP. They needed to set up a room. She wasn't strong enought to perform another biopsy. She couldn't do it. She headed back down to the ER, on the search for the one person she knew Annette could trust.
She dodged from room to room, when she finally found him in the suture room, finishing up a head laque. She gave him a solemn look, and he quickly understood her. She walked into the room next door and he followed her into it. She looked at him. She hated him. She hated him more than her life. Why couldn't he be the damn bone marrow match. Why did everything always have to get so complicated.
"You're not a match."
She saw his head go down, his hands digging into his pockets. He better stay speechless. He better not say anything. She didn't want to hear anything from him. This was hard enough as is.
"Annette's coming in for a biopsy. I need you to do it."
He looked at her, his expression not telling her much.
"Why me?"
Was he really this stupid? Or did he just try to intimidate her?
"Because she trusts you."
She waited for an answer, but she didn't get one for a while. Finally she heard him mumble a short 'okay' and he headed out the door, leaving her alone in the room. She sat down on the bed, pulling her feet up and crossing her legs, she leaned against her hands. This was so complicated. Her life had been so easy before, now it was just one big mess. She had no one to turn to. No way out. No one understood what she was going through, no one knew how much hell she was holding inside herself. And no one would ever find out. She needed to deal with it in her own way, silently shutting herself off from everyone, taking every blow graciously.
~*~
She felt the vibration of her pager against her back. She quickly unclipped it and looked at the glowing screen in the dark room. She had managed to fall asleep, but that was cut short by her page. She looked at the number, recognizing it as the Peds Oncology floor and jumped off the bed, sliding her feet into her shoes on the way out. She stopped in the bathroom for a second, she needed to wake up and somewhat human. She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time in weeks. She looked horrible. Dark bags under her eyes, her skin pale and lifeless. Her bones were sticking out more and more, she needed to take care of herself, she needed to eat. She ran her hands through her hair, pulling her hair up into a ponytail. When she secured the barrette, a few strands came along with her fingers. She brushed them off quickly turned on the faucet. The water squeeked out slowly and she slashed her face with it. She dried her face off, and headed towards the stairs.
In a few minutes she met Dr. Clairon at the front desk. He didn't look too thrilled. She felt like another wave of disappointment was on it's way.
"I just reviewed the biopsy. He's not a match."
This news was just icing to the cake. She couldn't donate, she wasn't a blood match. Now Carter wasn't a match. Her horrors were slowly becoming reality. It would take months to find a match, and then it would be too late. She could try everything but it probably wouldn't work.
"Is there anyone else, a direct blood relative?"
She started shaking her head. She had been tested, so has Carter.
"His twin sister, but she's too young."
She saw him look up at her quickly, distracted from the current paperwork.
"She's nine?"
She nodded her head slowly. She was thinking about what to do now. Transfer him home? Let him be peaceful for his last few days? Transfer him to a different hosptial? She was clueless. And hopeless.
"Blood type?"
She looked surprizingly at the man in front of her.
"She's too young."
She watched him take off his glasses and clean them off.
"She's his only hope right now."
She couldn't subejct Annette through it. A bone biopsy, and if proved positive, tests beyond tests, including a spinal tap. It would be too much pain for her to go through. She couldn't have both her children in pain. And there were risks. The younger the donor the more risks they were taking. She couldn't subject herself, or Annette to it. She couldn't loose both. As much as they didn't deserve her, she loved them with her whole heart.
"A positive. Same as John."
She watched him look over his notes, John's chart. He flipped through the first few pages, then looked back at her.
"How soon can you get her here for the biopsy?"
She closed her eyes, wanting to scream. Wanting to say no. Wanting to do anything but subject her daugther to this. She still didn't know about her brother's condition. She was clueless to his state. And now she was going to go through more pain that she should ever have to.
"Half an hour."
She regretted even placing herself here, but since she was, she had to follow through. Maybe Annette wouldn't be a match. Or she would be. It was hard to pick, one pain over another, two losses or two gains, or one of each. She would never forgive herself if something went wrong with Annette. During the operation, or after. This was the riskiest buisness ever. She grabbed the phone from the desk, and started to dial Susan's number. Annette was spending the night there since both she and Carter had to work. She caught Susan and explained the situation to her, she was going to be there ASAP. They needed to set up a room. She wasn't strong enought to perform another biopsy. She couldn't do it. She headed back down to the ER, on the search for the one person she knew Annette could trust.
She dodged from room to room, when she finally found him in the suture room, finishing up a head laque. She gave him a solemn look, and he quickly understood her. She walked into the room next door and he followed her into it. She looked at him. She hated him. She hated him more than her life. Why couldn't he be the damn bone marrow match. Why did everything always have to get so complicated.
"You're not a match."
She saw his head go down, his hands digging into his pockets. He better stay speechless. He better not say anything. She didn't want to hear anything from him. This was hard enough as is.
"Annette's coming in for a biopsy. I need you to do it."
He looked at her, his expression not telling her much.
"Why me?"
Was he really this stupid? Or did he just try to intimidate her?
"Because she trusts you."
She waited for an answer, but she didn't get one for a while. Finally she heard him mumble a short 'okay' and he headed out the door, leaving her alone in the room. She sat down on the bed, pulling her feet up and crossing her legs, she leaned against her hands. This was so complicated. Her life had been so easy before, now it was just one big mess. She had no one to turn to. No way out. No one understood what she was going through, no one knew how much hell she was holding inside herself. And no one would ever find out. She needed to deal with it in her own way, silently shutting herself off from everyone, taking every blow graciously.