WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE HIM?

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Dark Angel or any of the characters in it. All I can take credit for is the original X5 who's point of view the story is from.

Biggs is dead.

I just can't seem to get my head around that fact. It just doesn't seem possible.

Even though I saw them load his body onto that ambulance and drive away with him I still keep expecting him to come strolling through the door of whatever room I'm sat in and ask me what I'm up to tonight.

I mean, it's Biggs. Even when we were back at good old Manticore together he always seemed so strong. Not much ever phased him. Not even the training missions we had to go on or the exercises they used to make us do.

When I saw him again once we'd made it to the outside world he seemed so much larger than life than before. So confident. I guess I took that to mean that he was invincible.

He was my breeding partner back at Manticore. I was quite pleased about that. I'd always liked him but growing up at Manticore I didn't understand what that meant. All I knew was that being around him, for whatever reason, made me feel good; that when he smiled at me my stomach felt strange as if I hadn't eaten properly and that when he touched me my skin felt tight and hot. I thought that there was something wrong with me but I was too afraid to report it to the medical staff.

Now of course I'm glad I kept quiet.

The first night that we were assigned as partners I felt so embarrassed that I could barely even meet his eyes.

He was kind to me though, oddly tender, and I actually enjoyed the experience in the end.

We were partnered on three more nights after that and I was informed that I was pregnant a week before X5 452 -Max- freed everyone from Manticore and the place burnt down.

I was so scared in those first few days after I got out. I was alone for the first time in my life. I didn't know who, if anyone, I could trust.

I missed Biggs out of everyone I'd known before. I wanted him there with me just so I would know that he was safe.

I found out later that he had travelled all over the country looking for me for a few months before heading to Terminal City, figuring that I'd make my way there to have the baby somewhere relatively safe.

That was actually what I planned to do once I heard that lots of Transgenics were heading for Seattle.

I didn't make it there fast enough though.

I was five months along and the baby had started to move. It was so weird knowing that these feelings that I was having meant that there was another person growing inside of me. I used to daydream about what the baby would look like. Whether it would look more like me or more like Biggs. I decided in the end that it would have my eyes and his smile.

I had a seizure. It came out of nowhere so fast that I didn't even have the chance to take any Triptophane.

I hid in an alleyway to ride it out but a man saw me. He tried to help me until he saw my barcode. He called his friends over and they all started to hit me.

As soon as I could I fought back and got away. I made my way to a doctor's but it was too late for the baby.

The doctor was very kind. She saw my barcode but it didn't make any different to her. She gave me painkillers and made me as comfortable as she could. After it was all over she cleaned everything up and sedated me so that I'd rest long enough to give my body a chance to recover.

I met Biggs again a few months later at Terminal City. I should have been almost due so as soon as he saw me he knew what had happened.

"I'm sorry." He told me gently once we were along.

"So am I." I replied.

We never mentioned it again but he was tender with me and used to steer the conversation away from anything to do with babies when I was around.

He never spoke about Lola in front of me either and used to shut Alec up if he mentioned her. I used to think that was sweet.

We weren't in a relationship in the way that non-Transgenics mean the word but we would have been eventually.

Maybe it's wistful thinking but I know we would have been happy together. We liked talking together and we used to make sure we spent time together everyday even if it only involved sitting next to each other in the main meeting area.

Maybe we would have had more kids together one day or even got married although that seems to be more of an Ordinary thing to do. I haven't heard of many married Transgenics.

I don't understand why it had to be him. I know that ordinary people are afraid of us but Biggs would never have hurt anyone. Even back at Manticore he only fought during training and was always careful when fighting people smaller than him.

I know it sounds awful but why couldn't it have been one of the others? Why couldn't it have been someone that another woman loved? I'd have felt sorry for her but I'd be happy because I'd have Biggs. I suppose that's how all the women in relationships here feel when they look at me now. Sorry for me but glad it was me at the same time.

I don't even know who killed him so I have no way of making them pay. Alec knows but all he'll tell me is that they aren't around anymore. I guess that could mean that he killed them but somehow I doubt it. He's spent too much time with Max to kill someone in cold blood, no matter what they had done.

I want to scream and cry and throw things but I can't. Maybe if I had been one of those who escaped back in 2009 I'd be able to but I was at Manticore for too long and even though I want to I can't bring myself to indulge in such a public show of emotion.

I just…I just don't understand why it had to be him.