"Right Here Waiting"
|"RIGHT HERE WAITING" |
|AUTHOR: Kyra Go |
|RATING: PG13 |
|DISCLAIMER: i don't own these ER characters-yet. im not making |
|money out of writing these to pass my time, so if Michael Crichton |
|and his associates dont mind, im going to borrow them for a while. |
|ARCHIVE: just ask... |
|FEEDBACK: reviews and constructive criticism very welcome. send |
|them to "punker03@kuririnmail.com". the continuation of this fic |
|depends on your opinions. |
|NOTE: this happens after ER ep 10.3, "Dear Abby". Abby is still |
|wallowing and Carter is still in the Congo. this is set in both |
|alternating POVs, so dont be confused. |
|SONGS: "6, 8, 12" by brian mcnight, "halfway 'round the world" by |
|ateens, "somewhere out there" by james ingram, and "right here |
|waiting" by richard marx. |
|enjoy! |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours, since you went away,
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say,
I should be over you, I should know better, but its just not the case,
its been six months, eight days, twelve hours, since you went away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.
they say time heals all wounds. Yeah right. Its been well over six months since he left, and within that long period of time, nothing has changed. Everyday just keeps getting worse. But draining my sorrows over a dozen bottles of beer and three packs of cigarettes daily
I help, now would it?
I thought everything would turn out alright, that this time apart would
only give us the space we needed to be able to think things over, and finally realize whether or not we should continue what we have going, or to
just end it, knowing that I best for the two of us. But ive done enough
thinking.
All this time apart only made me feel worried, empty, forgotten, and
rejected.
Rejected, yeah, I what I am. With those simple words he'd written on paper, he made me consider that I was nobody. That I was unworthy of the love he gave me and of all he's iven
up just to be with me. Now, not only do I feel rejectedness and worthlessness, now I feel guilty.
Before I barged in unannounced, his life was classy, splendorous, and refined. Im like a hurricane, attracting chaos wherever I go, and leaving
permanent, irreplaceable damage at every stop I make. I screwed up, not
only myself, but I screwed up his life as well.
I took him for granted; for putting up with me through all those times,
never letting go when he knew I needed him, and for sacrificing all the things that meant so much to him just for me. In our relationship, it was
all me: abby, abby, abby. I was too busy complaining about my problems, that I never really thought he had any. He also had too much to deal with: his gamma's death, his career, and to include me would outweigh it all. I
was just too much of a load for him to carry. I never even gave him the
attention he deserved. Leaning over my porch rails, staring over chicago at midnight, puffing out of my ever-shortening cigarette, and taking a gulp out of my second-to-the- last bottle of heineken, makes me see things broader, wider, and it makes
me perceive things through the bigger picture.
I realize that this is one of those times, when a person we've loved so
much, hurts us so, mostly because we kinda deserve it. We only have two options. We can either keep trying to fix things over and over again, when we actually make everything worse, or we can just let it all go and move
on. Ive kinda chosen to get over it the hard way. You cant just forget something that influential in a heartbeat, you know? Ive only loved man in my whole life ive only loved john carter. To just let
it all go and move on is one thing I will never be able to do. It would take all of the force in the world. He's the one thing im living for, and
if there is no hope for us to be together, there is no sense in my
existence, now is there? I miss him, I miss him so badly. All I want right now is for him to walk through that door, and for him to hold me in his arms, saying how much he's
missed me, just like he did last time.
Last time, when all I did was push him away and send him back to that
dangerous warzone.
I know, I was the one who pushed him away, I should have moved on and I
should be happier. Im supposed to be the strong one, but without him, I
feel weak. He would be over me by now, he would be glad. What if he does come back, clutching another woman's hand, a woman who wouldn't inflict him with so much grief, like I have. They would both stand in front of me, grinning, as if to say, "in your face!", and the only demeanor that I can show him is
full of shame, and inability to get over something that was long done. But I wouldn't think that way. I'd like to think there's still hope for us
to be together, thinking away from my pessimistic side.
I want to feel his warm embrace wrap around my cold body and I want his electrifying kiss to push against my dry lips. I can't bear living every
single day without him anymore. I need him, and I swear to god, I'd do
anything to get him back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|.halfway 'round the world, | |that won't stop me from loving| |you, | |halfway 'round the world, | |i'd still be feeling the way i| |do, and now, | |i wanna hold you baby, | |cuz i really miss you like | |crazy, | |even if i'm halfway 'round the| |world. |
|damn, i'm stupid! | |it was all a slip of my hand, i didn't really mean what i wrote her, all those lies. i was just stressed, that's | |all. they can be partly true, and maybe i just wrote them to let out all the pain i have stored inside for all the| |years of my life. but i can't lose her to a simple letter. | |i know i've sent that letter over six months ago, but i just truly realized what it contained just recently. | |okay, maybe it was all true. maybe our relationship was too complicated. maybe she was really selfish, maybe all | |she ever thought about was herself. she wasn't always there when I needed her, yet, i stayed by her side through | |all her darkest moments. that was kinda unfair. | |maybe we would work better unfettered. maybe being friends would be better for the both of us, that way we had no | |obligations towards each other. | |when we were only friends, it was safe. we had liberty on our own lives, more than what we had when we were | |together. we looked up on each other, put each other on pedestals. i had thought that that would make things go | |back to the way they were before, but i guess that's where i'm wrong. |
.and even though i know how very far apart we are,
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star,
and when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
it helps me think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.
lying here outside the shelter, staring up at the dark, indigo sky, makes me realize where i really am. i am far away from home. Home, the presence
of family and friends, and in the arms of a lover. god, i miss her!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
leaning over my porch rails, looking up at a starry chicago night, i wonder
where he might be. at this time, what is he doing? is he safe? is he
thinking about me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'she's probably sleeping peacefully', i thought. resting the back of my head on the palms of my hands, facing the heavens, i see a figure, a figure made by the stars. i connected those distant diamonds, and i see a lady,
quite like the one i love. next to that, i make out a man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i've played this game with eric before, making up our own stories out of
the images the stars formed.
the lady was not the average female. she was strong-willed and independent.
the reason being she was alone and unloved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
but the man, whom she never paid any attention to, was desperately burning
with secret desire for her. he'd watch her through the bushes, and man
everymove she made. he was silent and discreet, so none of his feelings
were revealed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to her, he was just another guy, who just happened to stumble through her
path and will leave, after which he will completely be forgotten.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the man grew more and more in love with her as days passed by, and it got
harder to conceal the emotions of love he had to hide, in fear of
rejection.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the lady did about her normal business, and as time flew, she noticed the man, following her and stealing lustful glances her way. she let it slip at
first, but the more she saw him, the more her curiosity built up.
so one day, she approached the man, and soon after, they developed into the
best of friends.
the lady has been alone her entire life, and nobody ever understood her,
nobody until she met him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
being with her each day made the man very happy, this was all he had been longing for in a very long time. little did he know that she felt the same
way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
who am i kidding, making up those stupid stories are so childish. besides, its not like they're even coming true,all that imagination just lives in
your head. so i decide to throw the butt of my last cigarette down the
street below me, and step right into bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i suddenly look towards my side, away from the stars, realizing how dumb it was to imagine romance when you're surrounded by everything but love?! but
i return to look up anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i stare out my open window. the deep indigo sky was still visible. then i
think.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she's somewhere out there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sleeping under the same fuzzy clouds and.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wishing under the same bright star.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
that someday soon, we would see each other again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
be together once more and never part, ever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
but until then, i'll just be waiting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
right here waiting.
.oceans apart, day after day,
and i slowly go insane,
i hear your voice, on the line,
but it doesnt stop the pain,
if i see you next to never,
how can we stay forever?
wherever you go, whatever you do,
i will be right here waiting for you,
whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks,
i will be right here waiting for you.
i took for granted, all the times,
that i thought would last somehow,
i hear the laughter, i taste the tears,
but i cant get you near right now
oh cant you see it baby,
youve got me going crazy.
i wonder how we can survive, this romance,
but in the end if im with you, ill take the chance.
TO BE CONTINUED?. you decide! tell me what you think, then chapter two would be up soon...l8r-
kyra-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours, since you went away,
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say,
I should be over you, I should know better, but its just not the case,
its been six months, eight days, twelve hours, since you went away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.
they say time heals all wounds. Yeah right. Its been well over six months since he left, and within that long period of time, nothing has changed. Everyday just keeps getting worse. But draining my sorrows over a dozen bottles of beer and three packs of cigarettes daily
I help, now would it?
I thought everything would turn out alright, that this time apart would
only give us the space we needed to be able to think things over, and finally realize whether or not we should continue what we have going, or to
just end it, knowing that I best for the two of us. But ive done enough
thinking.
All this time apart only made me feel worried, empty, forgotten, and
rejected.
Rejected, yeah, I what I am. With those simple words he'd written on paper, he made me consider that I was nobody. That I was unworthy of the love he gave me and of all he's iven
up just to be with me. Now, not only do I feel rejectedness and worthlessness, now I feel guilty.
Before I barged in unannounced, his life was classy, splendorous, and refined. Im like a hurricane, attracting chaos wherever I go, and leaving
permanent, irreplaceable damage at every stop I make. I screwed up, not
only myself, but I screwed up his life as well.
I took him for granted; for putting up with me through all those times,
never letting go when he knew I needed him, and for sacrificing all the things that meant so much to him just for me. In our relationship, it was
all me: abby, abby, abby. I was too busy complaining about my problems, that I never really thought he had any. He also had too much to deal with: his gamma's death, his career, and to include me would outweigh it all. I
was just too much of a load for him to carry. I never even gave him the
attention he deserved. Leaning over my porch rails, staring over chicago at midnight, puffing out of my ever-shortening cigarette, and taking a gulp out of my second-to-the- last bottle of heineken, makes me see things broader, wider, and it makes
me perceive things through the bigger picture.
I realize that this is one of those times, when a person we've loved so
much, hurts us so, mostly because we kinda deserve it. We only have two options. We can either keep trying to fix things over and over again, when we actually make everything worse, or we can just let it all go and move
on. Ive kinda chosen to get over it the hard way. You cant just forget something that influential in a heartbeat, you know? Ive only loved man in my whole life ive only loved john carter. To just let
it all go and move on is one thing I will never be able to do. It would take all of the force in the world. He's the one thing im living for, and
if there is no hope for us to be together, there is no sense in my
existence, now is there? I miss him, I miss him so badly. All I want right now is for him to walk through that door, and for him to hold me in his arms, saying how much he's
missed me, just like he did last time.
Last time, when all I did was push him away and send him back to that
dangerous warzone.
I know, I was the one who pushed him away, I should have moved on and I
should be happier. Im supposed to be the strong one, but without him, I
feel weak. He would be over me by now, he would be glad. What if he does come back, clutching another woman's hand, a woman who wouldn't inflict him with so much grief, like I have. They would both stand in front of me, grinning, as if to say, "in your face!", and the only demeanor that I can show him is
full of shame, and inability to get over something that was long done. But I wouldn't think that way. I'd like to think there's still hope for us
to be together, thinking away from my pessimistic side.
I want to feel his warm embrace wrap around my cold body and I want his electrifying kiss to push against my dry lips. I can't bear living every
single day without him anymore. I need him, and I swear to god, I'd do
anything to get him back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|.halfway 'round the world, | |that won't stop me from loving| |you, | |halfway 'round the world, | |i'd still be feeling the way i| |do, and now, | |i wanna hold you baby, | |cuz i really miss you like | |crazy, | |even if i'm halfway 'round the| |world. |
|damn, i'm stupid! | |it was all a slip of my hand, i didn't really mean what i wrote her, all those lies. i was just stressed, that's | |all. they can be partly true, and maybe i just wrote them to let out all the pain i have stored inside for all the| |years of my life. but i can't lose her to a simple letter. | |i know i've sent that letter over six months ago, but i just truly realized what it contained just recently. | |okay, maybe it was all true. maybe our relationship was too complicated. maybe she was really selfish, maybe all | |she ever thought about was herself. she wasn't always there when I needed her, yet, i stayed by her side through | |all her darkest moments. that was kinda unfair. | |maybe we would work better unfettered. maybe being friends would be better for the both of us, that way we had no | |obligations towards each other. | |when we were only friends, it was safe. we had liberty on our own lives, more than what we had when we were | |together. we looked up on each other, put each other on pedestals. i had thought that that would make things go | |back to the way they were before, but i guess that's where i'm wrong. |
.and even though i know how very far apart we are,
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star,
and when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
it helps me think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.
lying here outside the shelter, staring up at the dark, indigo sky, makes me realize where i really am. i am far away from home. Home, the presence
of family and friends, and in the arms of a lover. god, i miss her!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
leaning over my porch rails, looking up at a starry chicago night, i wonder
where he might be. at this time, what is he doing? is he safe? is he
thinking about me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'she's probably sleeping peacefully', i thought. resting the back of my head on the palms of my hands, facing the heavens, i see a figure, a figure made by the stars. i connected those distant diamonds, and i see a lady,
quite like the one i love. next to that, i make out a man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i've played this game with eric before, making up our own stories out of
the images the stars formed.
the lady was not the average female. she was strong-willed and independent.
the reason being she was alone and unloved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
but the man, whom she never paid any attention to, was desperately burning
with secret desire for her. he'd watch her through the bushes, and man
everymove she made. he was silent and discreet, so none of his feelings
were revealed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
to her, he was just another guy, who just happened to stumble through her
path and will leave, after which he will completely be forgotten.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the man grew more and more in love with her as days passed by, and it got
harder to conceal the emotions of love he had to hide, in fear of
rejection.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the lady did about her normal business, and as time flew, she noticed the man, following her and stealing lustful glances her way. she let it slip at
first, but the more she saw him, the more her curiosity built up.
so one day, she approached the man, and soon after, they developed into the
best of friends.
the lady has been alone her entire life, and nobody ever understood her,
nobody until she met him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
being with her each day made the man very happy, this was all he had been longing for in a very long time. little did he know that she felt the same
way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
who am i kidding, making up those stupid stories are so childish. besides, its not like they're even coming true,all that imagination just lives in
your head. so i decide to throw the butt of my last cigarette down the
street below me, and step right into bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i suddenly look towards my side, away from the stars, realizing how dumb it was to imagine romance when you're surrounded by everything but love?! but
i return to look up anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i stare out my open window. the deep indigo sky was still visible. then i
think.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
she's somewhere out there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sleeping under the same fuzzy clouds and.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wishing under the same bright star.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
that someday soon, we would see each other again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
be together once more and never part, ever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
but until then, i'll just be waiting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
right here waiting.
.oceans apart, day after day,
and i slowly go insane,
i hear your voice, on the line,
but it doesnt stop the pain,
if i see you next to never,
how can we stay forever?
wherever you go, whatever you do,
i will be right here waiting for you,
whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks,
i will be right here waiting for you.
i took for granted, all the times,
that i thought would last somehow,
i hear the laughter, i taste the tears,
but i cant get you near right now
oh cant you see it baby,
youve got me going crazy.
i wonder how we can survive, this romance,
but in the end if im with you, ill take the chance.
TO BE CONTINUED?. you decide! tell me what you think, then chapter two would be up soon...l8r-
kyra-