Title: The Harry Potter Boys discover SLASH: Short Little Tales
Author: Shi
Rating: PG-13/R
WARNINGS: SLASH. And the usual stuff. Fear SLASH Co.
Pairings: Too many. (Main: Harry/Draco, Ron/Seamus)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is JK Rowling's Brain Child and I apologise for tainting it. It was just too tempting ^_^
Again, I steal also from Gravitation. >D You'll see!
A/N: Okay. So I had a brain wave. This is just part of the 'incidents' mentioned in chapter two and more. Usual insanity, etc etc. =D However, my imagination lacks anything beyond my BIG project lately, so this may not be the best ^_^
Please note: These aren't in any sort of chronological order…they're completely random. ^_^; Handcuffs It was all to intimidating. Harry looked down at the magically wrought handcuffs he had just received from Hermione.
He had, as usual, been complaining to her about his sex life with Draco…she was the only one who would listen, as after Hogwarts had been officially Slash-ee-fied by SLASH Co. students were just too busy well…experiencing new wonders, to put it nicely.
In fact, nowadays, Hogwarts didn't really seem like a school but more like one big porn movie. Not that Harry had ever heard anyone complain.
Anyway, back to the heavy weighted handcuffs that were resting on Harry's palm, each cuff dangling from either side of his hand, the thick chain in-between keeping them firmly in Harry's grasp.
Hermione had created them herself, and if her education failed, she had said, she was going to sell them, along with several other franchises she and Ginny had created.
She swore by them.
Yet Harry wasn't exactly sure what they DID.
Nor was he one hundred percent certain he wanted to know.
'Just bind Draco with them, Harry! You'll soon see their wonders!'
Hermione's voice of reason was in his head.
He balled his fists and looked up with sudden determination. He bravely ventured out into the hallways, you could never be sure in hallway territory of what was coming your way…which was proven suddenly by a naked Justin Finch-Fletchly running down the hallway, full pelt, screaming 'You'll never catcccccccccccccccch meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'
Harry, however, had learnt not to stare by now. This was normal activity for the Hogwarts students now.
The Hufflepuff boy was followed by an un-named hunter, who had on a few more clothes than his prey.
Harry came across Draco in the same place he had last seen him. A bathroom. This had been their general meeting place, and Harry wasn't really sure if Draco ever left the high-ceilinged room, with the exceptions of hunting for Harry himself, finding food and to get a change of clothes.
'Draco.'
Draco looked up in surprise. 'Come back to bitch more about how Ron gets more lovin' than you?'
'Not really.'
'Shame.'
'Draco.'
'What?'
'Are you jealous because Ron is so studly as of late?'
'No.'
'Okay.'
Harry continued to look at Draco.
…
…
'OKAY OKAY! Fuck, Harry, okay, I'm jealous. Ron is a such a hunky bit of man meat and I'm just a weedy blonde guy beside him!'
Harry comforted Draco by putting an arm around him. 'There, there. I love you.'
'Wanker. You'd jump Ron if you knew Seamus wouldn't cut you to pieces with a rusty bread knife.'
Harry thought this over. 'I'm not going to lie.'
Draco leaned into Harry. 'We have a very odd relationship.'
'Yes…yes we do.'
Harry's eyes widened. Where were his handcuffs?
'Ever want to try a threesome? I'm interested in broadening my horizons…erm…Harry…what are you doing?'
'Nothing!'
'That doesn't look like nothing!'
Harry looked at Draco and put on his jeans. 'I lost something.'
Draco made to stand up and took one step before face planting himself firmly on the slate tile floor.
'Draco,' Harry said sceptically, 'that won't get you the boys you want, you know.'
'I'm stuck!'
Harry stares questioningly at his…whatever.
'My foots been eaten!'
'By a bathtub?'
'Its an old bathtub…who knows what its fetishes are?'
…
'Right Draco.'
'No! Father has a bathtub that…never mind,' a tinge of red colours Draco's cheekbones.
…
'Draco.'
'I'm not telling you!'
'Draco.'
'My father is not a pervert, no matter what our house elves tell you.'
'Draco.'
'Forget about the bathtub Harry!'
'DRACO.'
'What?'
'I found what I lost.'
'…You should have left your jeans off then. And the rest of your clothes.'
'They ate your foot,' Harry pointed.
Draco realised he was still on the floor.
'MY FOOT? Oh gods…'
'They're only handcuffs, Draco. You must have scrawny ankles.'
'They're manly ankles, thank you.'
'Whatever. My handcuffs have chained you to the bathtub.'
'I told you it had odd fetishes.'
'Draco, I don't have the key. And it's the handcuffs with the fetishes.'
'What…you have handcuffs that have fetishes and you haven't let me know? Harry, I need to teach you more sexual etiquette.'
'Hermione gave them to me.'
'Then why am I playing with you and not her?'
'She's a girl.'
'Right. Ew.'
A few moments passed.
'Well?'
'Yes?'
'Get me LOOSE!'
'Er—right. I'll be back in a second, I need the key from Hermione.'
Harry left the bathroom and started towards the common room.
'Hm, I'm hungry,' he realised suddenly and went off to get food.
Draco, however, was left in his bathroom. And was unable to leave for quite a while. End of Handcuffs Thong 'It doesn't suit you Harry!' Dean Thomas was protesting.
'Why are you drooling then?' Neville asked, his head rose uncomfortably off the pillows. Neville was currently strapped down to his bed, a joint decision from everyone in Gryffindor Tower…due to the fact that Neville had developed a unique ability at drugging his fellow housemates and seducing them.
'Ass-less chaps just don't have the same appeal they did last week…' Ron pointed out.
Harry pouted. 'Why do these things go out of fashion when I finally get them?'
'Because you like to kill fashion, Harry.'
'I have a question though…' Seamus said, speaking for the first time.
…
The Gryffindor sixth year boys looked at the Irish lovely questioningly.
'I want to know. Harry, are you going commando in those or have you invested in a thong?'
…
'Invested?'
'They're very good.'
'Thongs?'
'Don't they…aren't they…'
'Kind of uncomfortable?'
'They take a bit of getting used to.'
Seamus had everyone's attention.
'Don't they pinch or anything?' Neville asked questioningly.
'Aren't they a bit…girlish?'
'Why do you want to know, Seamus?' Harry asked.
'I just wanted to know…Draco likes thongs, doesn't he?'
There was an icy silence.
'SEAMUS!' Ron wailed, 'You said that thing with Malfoy was a one time thing.'
'So did you!'
Harry's head looked like it was about to pop. 'Right, okay Seamus, I get it, my boyfriend is a whore. But then again, so is yours.' He jerked a thumb at Ron, 'as anyone in this room could vouch for.'
'So I'm not good enough for you anymore!' Ron and Seamus continued their argument, in unawares of Harry.
'Everyone's a whore Harry…somewhere, deep down inside, the little nymphomaniac is screaming to get out. Luckily for some people, being a nympho is easy,' Neville offered helpfully from his bed-prison.
Harry, though, had already left to go see his whore.
Ron and Seamus raged on.
Days passed…
…
And the usual goings on went…on.
Ron stared sceptically at the offending item on his bed.
'I don't know Harry.'
'You said you wanted back in Seamus' pants…didn't you? Best place to hit him is his fetishes. I can find out if he likes whips or strawberry's in chocolate if you like!'
'You're oddly helpful…what happened to angsty "I have to save the world" Harry?'
'Voldemort hit on me, remember? We solved our dispute.'
…
'Never, ever give me more information on that moment.'
'Awww, but I have pictures!'
Ron blanched. 'But a thong…?'
'Is what Seamus likes…and I notice you changed the subject,' Harry was holding a large album in his hand.
'Yes, yes. The topic at hand is MY PROBLEM, not your… escapades with one dark lord.'
Harry 'hmphed.'
Ron rolled his eyes. 'Isn't there anything else? I've never worn a thong before.'
'There's plenty else, but you're too much of a whimp. And here I thought you'd be Mr Kink with all your conquests.'
'Harry, I should have just taken Hermione's offer to help me, shouldn't I?'
'She is very…talented, as people say. She works with those Slash Co. people.'
'A yes or no would've helped. My imagination is now showing "Hermione Granger – amazing kink woman!"'
Harry sniggered.
'I have idiots for friends,' Ron sighed.
'Do you need help into it, or can I go?'
'You're not gonna help me with some witty "come hither" saying!?'
'Nope. I have better things to do than help you with your sex life. Like enjoying my own.'
Ron threw the thong at Harry's back as the other boy left.
… An hour passed and Ron finally found Seamus. He hadn't really planned anything, but…maybe he would get an ingenious brainwave in seducing the Irish lovely when he saw him.
'Seamus…'
'Ron? Oh dear god…'
'Eh?'
A little girl peeped out from behind Seamus…
'Wow,' she breathed.
'RON! My little sister did not need to see THAT!'
Ron fled, putting his robes back on. End of Thong Pole Dancing Things had changed dramatically in Hogwarts since the new tuck shop had opened, Draco realised one day. Everyone seemed on a permanent sex high and it was thoroughly enjoyable at first. But now…now he was bored. Nobody was putting any effort into his or her hijinks anymore.
Okay, so he wasn't exactly complaining about being pounced in the corridor (although that depended on who was doing said pouncing) but it was all just so-so now.
And then there was Harry…Harry who was about exciting as reading a dictionary with a warm mug of cocoa and fuzzy slippers. But that didn't stop Draco from wanting Harry; it just made him depressed because he did.
16! And the spice had already gone out of sex.
This had to be one of those "Why Me?" scenarios.
He traced a finger over the book he was reading and rested his head in his other hand. Maybe he just had to provoke Harry out of dictionary-cocoa mode.
Maybe that was it.
But how were you supposed to arouse your ex-childish arch enemy whom you had slept with about 60 bazillion times but had only had about 3 (no 2…the third ended with kink) sensible conversations with that did not lead to a would-be compromising situation if caught by someone?
Boy, Draco hadn't realised that his and Harry's relationship was such a run-on sentence.
Maybe he had a lot of things to realise.
It was at this moment of realisation that some cute little third year scurried into the dorm room, sobbing. Draco rose from his bed, book under his arm and a 'look down your nose' expression on his face.
The third year wailed; 'What the hell is wrong with everyone! I'm not gay!' Then he noticed Draco and tried to get away.
Draco put his hand on the boys shoulder and patted. 'Don't worry. You soon will be.'
With that solved, Draco left the poor puzzled third year (SLASH co made a note to get the poor kid) and went on to…erm…to research Harry's kinks to kink up his un-kinky sex life.
Maybe bondage? He tilted his head as he walked and narrowly missed being clipped by a low-flying Ronald Weasley.
Now, I'm not saying Draco is slow (he has a fast wit, usually. Maybe it was lack of action?), but it took him a while to realise that this could actually be used to his advantage. In fact, he was almost far enough away to no longer hear Weasley's screams of pleading that his brain began to spark with idea.
Weasley, by the sound of it, was not being ravaged by the boy dubbed "Sham-sham" (Draco had heard sicker nicknames, but just couldn't think of any Gryffindor like that) but, unlike the slut he was, was rather against being mauled.
He would have to make it a cause of "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." Not that he actually wanted Ron to touch him, but the boy was Harry's choice in friends, so maybe Draco could use that.
He just hoped he wouldn't have to beg.
'Ahem,' Draco looked down in disdain at the mess of robes and red hair, 'this is a public corridor. We can't have this now can we?'
'Oh please Malfoy, please please please, save meeeeeeeee!' Weasley begged.
Draco raised an eyebrow to Ron's attacker, trying to think of some witty line to "save" Ron.
The boy however, was already on his feet and dusting off his robe. 'Dude, spoil the moment much?'
And he walked away.
'Hey! Wait! I have yet to throw some witty barb at you and make you cringe under my cutting sarcasm! WAIT!' Draco wailed.
Ron had also risen to his feet. 'Whoa, thanks Malfoy. I mean for once you weren't a total bastard.'
Draco pouted and fumed. 'Nobody listens to me anymore!'
Ron ignored Draco and was halfway down the hallway before Draco realised so.
'Wait, Weasley, you stupid red-headed…er…oh…Weasley, pretty please, wait,' Draco cooed, feeling degraded.
Ron turned around and looked at Draco slightly worried.
'Are you okay?'
Draco gritted his teeth. 'Yes, I'm fine…ju-'
'Cuz I mean, you're being nice…' Ron's eyes widened. 'Look, Malfoy, you're good looking and all, but your Harry's and I don't like you that way. Plus you're a complete git to everyone.'
'Will you just listen you sex crazed pervert!'
'Do you have PMS?'
'GYAH! Look! You have to repay me for saving you!'
'I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU!'
'I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!'
'GOOD.'
'I'M GLAD WE AGREE!'
'Why are we shouting?'
'It relieves stress.'
'Oh.'
…
…
'So, what do you want?'
'I want you…to…-er- ' Draco suddenly realised just how ridiculous this was. 'IwantyoutohelpmeandtellmeHaryr'skinkyfantasies.'
'Wha-?'
Draco, to his disdain, blushed.
'I want you to help me out and tell me Harry's kinky fantasies!'
'Oh…ew…erm…yeah. Okay. Why?' Ron spluttered.
'Because…I'm bored! Harry is so conventional…all he ever wants is for me to top him and then he's happy! But I need some spice! SPICE DAMMIT! I'm sixteen and I'm fricking bored of sex!'
'And you're asking for my help…?'
'You're Harry's friend! Don't you two like…discuss…sex…and er…stuff?'
'Well, I don't really know if I should discuss this with you!'
'Fine! Next time I'll leave you to be molested!'
'Whoa! Hey, I didn't say I wouldn't help!'
…
Draco looked at Ron.
'So…lets go…er…somewhere where people won't be listening in, alright Malfoy?' Ron nodded towards a suspicious looking fern with was shaking, giggling and had a Hogwarts robe curled around its pot.
Ron found himself in Draco's special bathroom, which the blonde admitted to hiding in. And so the two discussed Harry's kinky fantasies for hours. Draco was actually quite surprised.
'Well, there was this one time in the dormitory and we---'
'Weasley…please.'
'But…we used whipped cream and…'
'WEASLEY! I don't want to know about the Gryffindor boys eating scones!'
'The point I was getting to Malfoy is that we ended up discussing fantasises.'
'You could have just said!'
'But it's always useful to tell the full story!'
And so, yes, eventually Draco did discover Harry's kinky thoughts.
And do you really think this story would be called 'Pole Dancing' if one of those thoughts did not revolve around said dance?…err…well…Harry seems to be a bit more adventurous.
'YOU CAN'T DO THAT!'
'Yeah, well, Harry's got quite the imagination.'
'WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?'
'Hmm…well, you know Malfoy; maybe you should just surprise him. And can you stop screeching in my ear?'
Draco face planted into the floor, his favourite exasperation pose. Possibly for fun, he added in twitching motions.
'Hmmm,' Ron looked thoughtful; 'maybe we should USE your kinks on him?'
'We? WE do not come it this equation, its me and Harry, no you.'
'Then why am I helping you?'
'Because you know Harry better than I do! We're about the sex, you two are about the friendship. And I don't like people talking in sex!'
…
'You scare me.'
Draco looked smug. 'Thanks.'
'Okay…how about this?'
And Ron went on to lay out a detail plan that was sure to…er…well…okay.
Lets just jump ahead now…I'm rambling.
A few hours later, they were ready. Kind of.
'This outfit is to whore-ish even for a whore like me!' Draco exclaimed.
'You know, with you like that, I take back what I said about not sleeping with you.'
'Really?'
'Really.'
The two shared a moment; eye lashes fluttering and stars in their eyes. You could almost see the little hearts, springing up around them and popping in "moment" bliss.
'Get over it Weasley. Who'd want you?'
Ron pouted before cheering suddenly; 'Half the population, actually.'
Draco rolled his eyes.
'I'll go get Harry, erm…make sure he doesn't share this experience with me!'
Draco blinked. 'Eh?'
Ron simply glared and left. Draco was left alone in a room full of fairy lights and tacky music. And he was scared. He just had the feeling that the Slytherin who had been eyeing him for the past few weeks would use this moment to make his move. Damn the incredibly sexy Malfoy looks!
He heard the sound of approaching footsteps and became oddly nervous.
If this goes wrong, I'll kill Weasley, Draco decided, getting into position, quickly pulling down the shorts that were beginning to ride up so as to make him uncomfortable.
The door opened.
'Are you ready Harry?' he whispered huskily, hooking his leg around the pole, back to the door. He turned his head and attempted to look sexy while looking over his shoulder.
Only to find himself faced with all the Gryffindor boys.
In the dim light Draco could just make out Harry's blushing face.
The blonde suddenly felt very dizzy, sweaty hands loosing their grip on the metallic pole.
The last thing Draco remembered before passing out was Colin Creevey snapping his picture several times over and 'Boy, these will look great on the notice board!' End of Pole Dancing Tights 'Dun der la luuuuuuun!' Harry jumped onto the bed where Draco was reading some Barbie comic…the current issue featuring all the latest dolls; Overweight Taxi Cab Driver…Mad Fangirl Obsessed Barbie…Transsexual Barbie…ugly fat Barbie…etcetera.
Draco refused to look up at his lover…or…friend…or…whatever.
Harry bounced around on the bed a bit making Draco bounce jerkily about, gripping his comic in a death grip.
'Wheeeee! Wheeeee!' Harry rejoiced.
Draco ignored him.
Bounce, bounce, bounce.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
Bounce. Bounce.
Ignore.
Bounce, bounce. BOUNCE.
Harry's foot got caught in the duvet and he landed on Draco's back.
'Harry. Although I do like it when you mount my back, may I ask why you are wearing a cape and ruining my "quiet time"?'
'You don't like my outfit?'
Draco finally gave and looked up. Only to wish he hadn't. Oh, how he longed to be able to resist Harry's pouting voice.
'Erm…very…revealing.'
'You dared me!'
'WHEN DID I DARE YOU TO ADORN A CAPE AND A PAIR OF WOMEN'S TIGHTS!?'
'IN THE BATHTUB!'
…
Draco blinked.
'Bugger.'
'You said… "I'm very sure you'd be willing to adorn the tights and cape" and I decided that I was and so here I am!'
'Curse my sarcastic nature.'
'It suits me, don't you think? Ron liked it! He said I'd be able to stop Voldemort in his tracks.'
Draco's eyes became fixed on a certain point of Harry's anatomy; 'I wonder why.'
'Actually, Ron said I should get you a costume too…do you like skirts? I know you like to show off your legs, you told me that's why you walk around the Slytherin common room in nothing but boxers and t-shirt, and occasionally just boxers. You really shouldn't do that, I don't want people to put their dirty hands on you!!' Harry gasped for air and for a moment Draco forgot that his boyfriend was dressed like a twat and glowed with the love.
Harry was possessive!
But the moment soon passed.
'You're. Not. Dressing. Me. Up.'
Harry made a weebling look.
'No.'
'Pweaaaaaaase.'
'No.'
'You can have my cape!'
Draco thought for a moment. 'N-no.'
'I'll let you…erm…do whatever you want for TWO months,' Harry grinned.
…
…
'Damn, whatever. But I get your costume.'
'But I don't look good in the wig!'
'Wig?'
So Draco ended up as Lois Lane to Harry's Superman.
'What are we supposed to do now?'
Harry looked thoughtful. 'I didn't really think this far.'
'Harry, you just sacrificed two months of being able to leave this bed and you didn't think this far?'
'I'm not one for planning.'
Draco face planted onto the floor, although it didn't feel the same. 'Can we go to the bathroom and have this discussion?'
'Okay then!' Harry beamed. 'Ooo! I know!'
To his exasperation, Draco now found himself in a cosplay. Harry had managed to rope Seamus and Ron into the "fun" and Draco had been chained into the bathtub by the evil Pseudo-Ryuichi (Seamus) and his …thing (Ron). And he waited, in uncomfortable women's underwear and an itchy wig for his "hero" to save him.
'Mwahaha, my darling "thing", keep tickling the poor defenceless ninny until she screams.'
Ron giggled gleefully and tickled Draco with a long feather.
'A ninny?! She?!' Draco said indignantly until he was attacked by said feather, falling into ruptures of giggles and trying to escape the chains.
'GODDAMMIT HARRY!'
But Harry didn't arrive.
All three boys stopped the "game" and turned to look at the door.
'Harry?' Seamus asked. 'You're spoiling the semi-kinky fun!'
'I'm not PLAYING!'
'WHY THE HELL NOT!?'
…
…
…
…
'I laddered my tights,' Harry sobbed through the door.
The sound of someone running away could be heard and Draco felt a sense of foreboding as Ron and Seamus turned to look at him.
'Don't. Even. Try.'
'What do you say Ron?'
'Tehehehe, he's all defenceless!'
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' End of Tights End of Short Tales…Part One? Shi: Wai! Thankies all for reading! I is grateful! Wanting of the more? Review and gimme a scenario you'd wanna see!
Draco: Make sure it doesn't involve me.
Shi: Puuu, you enjoyed it =D
Draco: Which part? The wig? The skirt? Or the pole?
Harry: I know I enjoyed the red underwear over the tights.
Shi:…Harry, want you to clear something up for our readers, btw.
Harry: Oh…*looks at piece of paper* Right! Slash Co. does not condone any of the events that just happened in Short Tales. They may enjoy and revel in the dirty pervertedness, but do accept responsibility of any character damagement…blah blah blah.
Draco: Damn.
Shi: Hope you enjoyed! Come back more, ya?
Author: Shi
Rating: PG-13/R
WARNINGS: SLASH. And the usual stuff. Fear SLASH Co.
Pairings: Too many. (Main: Harry/Draco, Ron/Seamus)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is JK Rowling's Brain Child and I apologise for tainting it. It was just too tempting ^_^
Again, I steal also from Gravitation. >D You'll see!
A/N: Okay. So I had a brain wave. This is just part of the 'incidents' mentioned in chapter two and more. Usual insanity, etc etc. =D However, my imagination lacks anything beyond my BIG project lately, so this may not be the best ^_^
Please note: These aren't in any sort of chronological order…they're completely random. ^_^; Handcuffs It was all to intimidating. Harry looked down at the magically wrought handcuffs he had just received from Hermione.
He had, as usual, been complaining to her about his sex life with Draco…she was the only one who would listen, as after Hogwarts had been officially Slash-ee-fied by SLASH Co. students were just too busy well…experiencing new wonders, to put it nicely.
In fact, nowadays, Hogwarts didn't really seem like a school but more like one big porn movie. Not that Harry had ever heard anyone complain.
Anyway, back to the heavy weighted handcuffs that were resting on Harry's palm, each cuff dangling from either side of his hand, the thick chain in-between keeping them firmly in Harry's grasp.
Hermione had created them herself, and if her education failed, she had said, she was going to sell them, along with several other franchises she and Ginny had created.
She swore by them.
Yet Harry wasn't exactly sure what they DID.
Nor was he one hundred percent certain he wanted to know.
'Just bind Draco with them, Harry! You'll soon see their wonders!'
Hermione's voice of reason was in his head.
He balled his fists and looked up with sudden determination. He bravely ventured out into the hallways, you could never be sure in hallway territory of what was coming your way…which was proven suddenly by a naked Justin Finch-Fletchly running down the hallway, full pelt, screaming 'You'll never catcccccccccccccccch meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'
Harry, however, had learnt not to stare by now. This was normal activity for the Hogwarts students now.
The Hufflepuff boy was followed by an un-named hunter, who had on a few more clothes than his prey.
Harry came across Draco in the same place he had last seen him. A bathroom. This had been their general meeting place, and Harry wasn't really sure if Draco ever left the high-ceilinged room, with the exceptions of hunting for Harry himself, finding food and to get a change of clothes.
'Draco.'
Draco looked up in surprise. 'Come back to bitch more about how Ron gets more lovin' than you?'
'Not really.'
'Shame.'
'Draco.'
'What?'
'Are you jealous because Ron is so studly as of late?'
'No.'
'Okay.'
Harry continued to look at Draco.
…
…
'OKAY OKAY! Fuck, Harry, okay, I'm jealous. Ron is a such a hunky bit of man meat and I'm just a weedy blonde guy beside him!'
Harry comforted Draco by putting an arm around him. 'There, there. I love you.'
'Wanker. You'd jump Ron if you knew Seamus wouldn't cut you to pieces with a rusty bread knife.'
Harry thought this over. 'I'm not going to lie.'
Draco leaned into Harry. 'We have a very odd relationship.'
'Yes…yes we do.'
Harry's eyes widened. Where were his handcuffs?
'Ever want to try a threesome? I'm interested in broadening my horizons…erm…Harry…what are you doing?'
'Nothing!'
'That doesn't look like nothing!'
Harry looked at Draco and put on his jeans. 'I lost something.'
Draco made to stand up and took one step before face planting himself firmly on the slate tile floor.
'Draco,' Harry said sceptically, 'that won't get you the boys you want, you know.'
'I'm stuck!'
Harry stares questioningly at his…whatever.
'My foots been eaten!'
'By a bathtub?'
'Its an old bathtub…who knows what its fetishes are?'
…
'Right Draco.'
'No! Father has a bathtub that…never mind,' a tinge of red colours Draco's cheekbones.
…
'Draco.'
'I'm not telling you!'
'Draco.'
'My father is not a pervert, no matter what our house elves tell you.'
'Draco.'
'Forget about the bathtub Harry!'
'DRACO.'
'What?'
'I found what I lost.'
'…You should have left your jeans off then. And the rest of your clothes.'
'They ate your foot,' Harry pointed.
Draco realised he was still on the floor.
'MY FOOT? Oh gods…'
'They're only handcuffs, Draco. You must have scrawny ankles.'
'They're manly ankles, thank you.'
'Whatever. My handcuffs have chained you to the bathtub.'
'I told you it had odd fetishes.'
'Draco, I don't have the key. And it's the handcuffs with the fetishes.'
'What…you have handcuffs that have fetishes and you haven't let me know? Harry, I need to teach you more sexual etiquette.'
'Hermione gave them to me.'
'Then why am I playing with you and not her?'
'She's a girl.'
'Right. Ew.'
A few moments passed.
'Well?'
'Yes?'
'Get me LOOSE!'
'Er—right. I'll be back in a second, I need the key from Hermione.'
Harry left the bathroom and started towards the common room.
'Hm, I'm hungry,' he realised suddenly and went off to get food.
Draco, however, was left in his bathroom. And was unable to leave for quite a while. End of Handcuffs Thong 'It doesn't suit you Harry!' Dean Thomas was protesting.
'Why are you drooling then?' Neville asked, his head rose uncomfortably off the pillows. Neville was currently strapped down to his bed, a joint decision from everyone in Gryffindor Tower…due to the fact that Neville had developed a unique ability at drugging his fellow housemates and seducing them.
'Ass-less chaps just don't have the same appeal they did last week…' Ron pointed out.
Harry pouted. 'Why do these things go out of fashion when I finally get them?'
'Because you like to kill fashion, Harry.'
'I have a question though…' Seamus said, speaking for the first time.
…
The Gryffindor sixth year boys looked at the Irish lovely questioningly.
'I want to know. Harry, are you going commando in those or have you invested in a thong?'
…
'Invested?'
'They're very good.'
'Thongs?'
'Don't they…aren't they…'
'Kind of uncomfortable?'
'They take a bit of getting used to.'
Seamus had everyone's attention.
'Don't they pinch or anything?' Neville asked questioningly.
'Aren't they a bit…girlish?'
'Why do you want to know, Seamus?' Harry asked.
'I just wanted to know…Draco likes thongs, doesn't he?'
There was an icy silence.
'SEAMUS!' Ron wailed, 'You said that thing with Malfoy was a one time thing.'
'So did you!'
Harry's head looked like it was about to pop. 'Right, okay Seamus, I get it, my boyfriend is a whore. But then again, so is yours.' He jerked a thumb at Ron, 'as anyone in this room could vouch for.'
'So I'm not good enough for you anymore!' Ron and Seamus continued their argument, in unawares of Harry.
'Everyone's a whore Harry…somewhere, deep down inside, the little nymphomaniac is screaming to get out. Luckily for some people, being a nympho is easy,' Neville offered helpfully from his bed-prison.
Harry, though, had already left to go see his whore.
Ron and Seamus raged on.
Days passed…
…
And the usual goings on went…on.
Ron stared sceptically at the offending item on his bed.
'I don't know Harry.'
'You said you wanted back in Seamus' pants…didn't you? Best place to hit him is his fetishes. I can find out if he likes whips or strawberry's in chocolate if you like!'
'You're oddly helpful…what happened to angsty "I have to save the world" Harry?'
'Voldemort hit on me, remember? We solved our dispute.'
…
'Never, ever give me more information on that moment.'
'Awww, but I have pictures!'
Ron blanched. 'But a thong…?'
'Is what Seamus likes…and I notice you changed the subject,' Harry was holding a large album in his hand.
'Yes, yes. The topic at hand is MY PROBLEM, not your… escapades with one dark lord.'
Harry 'hmphed.'
Ron rolled his eyes. 'Isn't there anything else? I've never worn a thong before.'
'There's plenty else, but you're too much of a whimp. And here I thought you'd be Mr Kink with all your conquests.'
'Harry, I should have just taken Hermione's offer to help me, shouldn't I?'
'She is very…talented, as people say. She works with those Slash Co. people.'
'A yes or no would've helped. My imagination is now showing "Hermione Granger – amazing kink woman!"'
Harry sniggered.
'I have idiots for friends,' Ron sighed.
'Do you need help into it, or can I go?'
'You're not gonna help me with some witty "come hither" saying!?'
'Nope. I have better things to do than help you with your sex life. Like enjoying my own.'
Ron threw the thong at Harry's back as the other boy left.
… An hour passed and Ron finally found Seamus. He hadn't really planned anything, but…maybe he would get an ingenious brainwave in seducing the Irish lovely when he saw him.
'Seamus…'
'Ron? Oh dear god…'
'Eh?'
A little girl peeped out from behind Seamus…
'Wow,' she breathed.
'RON! My little sister did not need to see THAT!'
Ron fled, putting his robes back on. End of Thong Pole Dancing Things had changed dramatically in Hogwarts since the new tuck shop had opened, Draco realised one day. Everyone seemed on a permanent sex high and it was thoroughly enjoyable at first. But now…now he was bored. Nobody was putting any effort into his or her hijinks anymore.
Okay, so he wasn't exactly complaining about being pounced in the corridor (although that depended on who was doing said pouncing) but it was all just so-so now.
And then there was Harry…Harry who was about exciting as reading a dictionary with a warm mug of cocoa and fuzzy slippers. But that didn't stop Draco from wanting Harry; it just made him depressed because he did.
16! And the spice had already gone out of sex.
This had to be one of those "Why Me?" scenarios.
He traced a finger over the book he was reading and rested his head in his other hand. Maybe he just had to provoke Harry out of dictionary-cocoa mode.
Maybe that was it.
But how were you supposed to arouse your ex-childish arch enemy whom you had slept with about 60 bazillion times but had only had about 3 (no 2…the third ended with kink) sensible conversations with that did not lead to a would-be compromising situation if caught by someone?
Boy, Draco hadn't realised that his and Harry's relationship was such a run-on sentence.
Maybe he had a lot of things to realise.
It was at this moment of realisation that some cute little third year scurried into the dorm room, sobbing. Draco rose from his bed, book under his arm and a 'look down your nose' expression on his face.
The third year wailed; 'What the hell is wrong with everyone! I'm not gay!' Then he noticed Draco and tried to get away.
Draco put his hand on the boys shoulder and patted. 'Don't worry. You soon will be.'
With that solved, Draco left the poor puzzled third year (SLASH co made a note to get the poor kid) and went on to…erm…to research Harry's kinks to kink up his un-kinky sex life.
Maybe bondage? He tilted his head as he walked and narrowly missed being clipped by a low-flying Ronald Weasley.
Now, I'm not saying Draco is slow (he has a fast wit, usually. Maybe it was lack of action?), but it took him a while to realise that this could actually be used to his advantage. In fact, he was almost far enough away to no longer hear Weasley's screams of pleading that his brain began to spark with idea.
Weasley, by the sound of it, was not being ravaged by the boy dubbed "Sham-sham" (Draco had heard sicker nicknames, but just couldn't think of any Gryffindor like that) but, unlike the slut he was, was rather against being mauled.
He would have to make it a cause of "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." Not that he actually wanted Ron to touch him, but the boy was Harry's choice in friends, so maybe Draco could use that.
He just hoped he wouldn't have to beg.
'Ahem,' Draco looked down in disdain at the mess of robes and red hair, 'this is a public corridor. We can't have this now can we?'
'Oh please Malfoy, please please please, save meeeeeeeee!' Weasley begged.
Draco raised an eyebrow to Ron's attacker, trying to think of some witty line to "save" Ron.
The boy however, was already on his feet and dusting off his robe. 'Dude, spoil the moment much?'
And he walked away.
'Hey! Wait! I have yet to throw some witty barb at you and make you cringe under my cutting sarcasm! WAIT!' Draco wailed.
Ron had also risen to his feet. 'Whoa, thanks Malfoy. I mean for once you weren't a total bastard.'
Draco pouted and fumed. 'Nobody listens to me anymore!'
Ron ignored Draco and was halfway down the hallway before Draco realised so.
'Wait, Weasley, you stupid red-headed…er…oh…Weasley, pretty please, wait,' Draco cooed, feeling degraded.
Ron turned around and looked at Draco slightly worried.
'Are you okay?'
Draco gritted his teeth. 'Yes, I'm fine…ju-'
'Cuz I mean, you're being nice…' Ron's eyes widened. 'Look, Malfoy, you're good looking and all, but your Harry's and I don't like you that way. Plus you're a complete git to everyone.'
'Will you just listen you sex crazed pervert!'
'Do you have PMS?'
'GYAH! Look! You have to repay me for saving you!'
'I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU!'
'I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!'
'GOOD.'
'I'M GLAD WE AGREE!'
'Why are we shouting?'
'It relieves stress.'
'Oh.'
…
…
'So, what do you want?'
'I want you…to…-er- ' Draco suddenly realised just how ridiculous this was. 'IwantyoutohelpmeandtellmeHaryr'skinkyfantasies.'
'Wha-?'
Draco, to his disdain, blushed.
'I want you to help me out and tell me Harry's kinky fantasies!'
'Oh…ew…erm…yeah. Okay. Why?' Ron spluttered.
'Because…I'm bored! Harry is so conventional…all he ever wants is for me to top him and then he's happy! But I need some spice! SPICE DAMMIT! I'm sixteen and I'm fricking bored of sex!'
'And you're asking for my help…?'
'You're Harry's friend! Don't you two like…discuss…sex…and er…stuff?'
'Well, I don't really know if I should discuss this with you!'
'Fine! Next time I'll leave you to be molested!'
'Whoa! Hey, I didn't say I wouldn't help!'
…
Draco looked at Ron.
'So…lets go…er…somewhere where people won't be listening in, alright Malfoy?' Ron nodded towards a suspicious looking fern with was shaking, giggling and had a Hogwarts robe curled around its pot.
Ron found himself in Draco's special bathroom, which the blonde admitted to hiding in. And so the two discussed Harry's kinky fantasies for hours. Draco was actually quite surprised.
'Well, there was this one time in the dormitory and we---'
'Weasley…please.'
'But…we used whipped cream and…'
'WEASLEY! I don't want to know about the Gryffindor boys eating scones!'
'The point I was getting to Malfoy is that we ended up discussing fantasises.'
'You could have just said!'
'But it's always useful to tell the full story!'
And so, yes, eventually Draco did discover Harry's kinky thoughts.
And do you really think this story would be called 'Pole Dancing' if one of those thoughts did not revolve around said dance?…err…well…Harry seems to be a bit more adventurous.
'YOU CAN'T DO THAT!'
'Yeah, well, Harry's got quite the imagination.'
'WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?'
'Hmm…well, you know Malfoy; maybe you should just surprise him. And can you stop screeching in my ear?'
Draco face planted into the floor, his favourite exasperation pose. Possibly for fun, he added in twitching motions.
'Hmmm,' Ron looked thoughtful; 'maybe we should USE your kinks on him?'
'We? WE do not come it this equation, its me and Harry, no you.'
'Then why am I helping you?'
'Because you know Harry better than I do! We're about the sex, you two are about the friendship. And I don't like people talking in sex!'
…
'You scare me.'
Draco looked smug. 'Thanks.'
'Okay…how about this?'
And Ron went on to lay out a detail plan that was sure to…er…well…okay.
Lets just jump ahead now…I'm rambling.
A few hours later, they were ready. Kind of.
'This outfit is to whore-ish even for a whore like me!' Draco exclaimed.
'You know, with you like that, I take back what I said about not sleeping with you.'
'Really?'
'Really.'
The two shared a moment; eye lashes fluttering and stars in their eyes. You could almost see the little hearts, springing up around them and popping in "moment" bliss.
'Get over it Weasley. Who'd want you?'
Ron pouted before cheering suddenly; 'Half the population, actually.'
Draco rolled his eyes.
'I'll go get Harry, erm…make sure he doesn't share this experience with me!'
Draco blinked. 'Eh?'
Ron simply glared and left. Draco was left alone in a room full of fairy lights and tacky music. And he was scared. He just had the feeling that the Slytherin who had been eyeing him for the past few weeks would use this moment to make his move. Damn the incredibly sexy Malfoy looks!
He heard the sound of approaching footsteps and became oddly nervous.
If this goes wrong, I'll kill Weasley, Draco decided, getting into position, quickly pulling down the shorts that were beginning to ride up so as to make him uncomfortable.
The door opened.
'Are you ready Harry?' he whispered huskily, hooking his leg around the pole, back to the door. He turned his head and attempted to look sexy while looking over his shoulder.
Only to find himself faced with all the Gryffindor boys.
In the dim light Draco could just make out Harry's blushing face.
The blonde suddenly felt very dizzy, sweaty hands loosing their grip on the metallic pole.
The last thing Draco remembered before passing out was Colin Creevey snapping his picture several times over and 'Boy, these will look great on the notice board!' End of Pole Dancing Tights 'Dun der la luuuuuuun!' Harry jumped onto the bed where Draco was reading some Barbie comic…the current issue featuring all the latest dolls; Overweight Taxi Cab Driver…Mad Fangirl Obsessed Barbie…Transsexual Barbie…ugly fat Barbie…etcetera.
Draco refused to look up at his lover…or…friend…or…whatever.
Harry bounced around on the bed a bit making Draco bounce jerkily about, gripping his comic in a death grip.
'Wheeeee! Wheeeee!' Harry rejoiced.
Draco ignored him.
Bounce, bounce, bounce.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
Bounce. Bounce.
Ignore.
Bounce, bounce. BOUNCE.
Harry's foot got caught in the duvet and he landed on Draco's back.
'Harry. Although I do like it when you mount my back, may I ask why you are wearing a cape and ruining my "quiet time"?'
'You don't like my outfit?'
Draco finally gave and looked up. Only to wish he hadn't. Oh, how he longed to be able to resist Harry's pouting voice.
'Erm…very…revealing.'
'You dared me!'
'WHEN DID I DARE YOU TO ADORN A CAPE AND A PAIR OF WOMEN'S TIGHTS!?'
'IN THE BATHTUB!'
…
Draco blinked.
'Bugger.'
'You said… "I'm very sure you'd be willing to adorn the tights and cape" and I decided that I was and so here I am!'
'Curse my sarcastic nature.'
'It suits me, don't you think? Ron liked it! He said I'd be able to stop Voldemort in his tracks.'
Draco's eyes became fixed on a certain point of Harry's anatomy; 'I wonder why.'
'Actually, Ron said I should get you a costume too…do you like skirts? I know you like to show off your legs, you told me that's why you walk around the Slytherin common room in nothing but boxers and t-shirt, and occasionally just boxers. You really shouldn't do that, I don't want people to put their dirty hands on you!!' Harry gasped for air and for a moment Draco forgot that his boyfriend was dressed like a twat and glowed with the love.
Harry was possessive!
But the moment soon passed.
'You're. Not. Dressing. Me. Up.'
Harry made a weebling look.
'No.'
'Pweaaaaaaase.'
'No.'
'You can have my cape!'
Draco thought for a moment. 'N-no.'
'I'll let you…erm…do whatever you want for TWO months,' Harry grinned.
…
…
'Damn, whatever. But I get your costume.'
'But I don't look good in the wig!'
'Wig?'
So Draco ended up as Lois Lane to Harry's Superman.
'What are we supposed to do now?'
Harry looked thoughtful. 'I didn't really think this far.'
'Harry, you just sacrificed two months of being able to leave this bed and you didn't think this far?'
'I'm not one for planning.'
Draco face planted onto the floor, although it didn't feel the same. 'Can we go to the bathroom and have this discussion?'
'Okay then!' Harry beamed. 'Ooo! I know!'
To his exasperation, Draco now found himself in a cosplay. Harry had managed to rope Seamus and Ron into the "fun" and Draco had been chained into the bathtub by the evil Pseudo-Ryuichi (Seamus) and his …thing (Ron). And he waited, in uncomfortable women's underwear and an itchy wig for his "hero" to save him.
'Mwahaha, my darling "thing", keep tickling the poor defenceless ninny until she screams.'
Ron giggled gleefully and tickled Draco with a long feather.
'A ninny?! She?!' Draco said indignantly until he was attacked by said feather, falling into ruptures of giggles and trying to escape the chains.
'GODDAMMIT HARRY!'
But Harry didn't arrive.
All three boys stopped the "game" and turned to look at the door.
'Harry?' Seamus asked. 'You're spoiling the semi-kinky fun!'
'I'm not PLAYING!'
'WHY THE HELL NOT!?'
…
…
…
…
'I laddered my tights,' Harry sobbed through the door.
The sound of someone running away could be heard and Draco felt a sense of foreboding as Ron and Seamus turned to look at him.
'Don't. Even. Try.'
'What do you say Ron?'
'Tehehehe, he's all defenceless!'
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' End of Tights End of Short Tales…Part One? Shi: Wai! Thankies all for reading! I is grateful! Wanting of the more? Review and gimme a scenario you'd wanna see!
Draco: Make sure it doesn't involve me.
Shi: Puuu, you enjoyed it =D
Draco: Which part? The wig? The skirt? Or the pole?
Harry: I know I enjoyed the red underwear over the tights.
Shi:…Harry, want you to clear something up for our readers, btw.
Harry: Oh…*looks at piece of paper* Right! Slash Co. does not condone any of the events that just happened in Short Tales. They may enjoy and revel in the dirty pervertedness, but do accept responsibility of any character damagement…blah blah blah.
Draco: Damn.
Shi: Hope you enjoyed! Come back more, ya?