Title: More Than You'll Ever Know
Summary: All Adam's dad wants is for Adam to make pro-hockey. All Adam ever wanted was a friend. A friend to stick by him. He'd lost one before, and when she comes back, sparks fly, but not for the better.
Main Duck: Adam Banks
Rating: PG-13 for language especially in this chapter and later violence
Time frame: After D2, before and during D3 maybe after D3 if I feel like it and if you give me reviews =p
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em. I just own Jessica, Ethan, Sally, Jason, and Andrew.
This chapter: Bankise angst.
Adam
"Adam!" my dad's voice came over the phone as soon as I'd picked up.
"Dad?" Why was he calling? There hadn't been a hockey game in a week.
"Now this JV-Varsity game is big. Scouts will practically be devouring the arena. After you pulled the JV stunt, they'll be harder to get the attention off of though. But don't worry, I have it all worked out. I talked to a few of them from Michigan State and Penn State. They're bringing in some pro scouts-" There he went again with those stupid scouts.
"Dad," I interrupted, "When you say you talked to them, do you mean you asked them to or you bribed them to?" It came out more hostile than I'd intended, but I was holding a lot back.
"What are you talking about?"
"You can't pretend everything's okay between us anymore, dad!"
"What? Everything is okay!" Suddenly the song 'Perfect' by Simple Plan came onto the radio that I was listening to.
Hey dad look at me,
Think back and talk to me,
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time,
Doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along.
"You were yelling at me earlier in the week about missing a game! You never called back until now and I'm supposed to pretend you never said what you said?!"
"Young man, you will not talk to me like that!"
And now I try hard to make,
I just want to make you proud,
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
I can't pretend that I'm all right
And you can't change me.
"NO! All my life, I've tried my hardest to do everything! I worked my ass off to get on the Hawks and when I got switched, I worked harder because maybe, if I helped bring the Ducks to victory, you'd be proud. When we got into the Jr. Goodwill Games, I played extra hard so that the damn scouts would notice me. When my wrist got sprained, I tried to hide it so I could make you proud. But when you found out that I'd been benched, all you could say was, 'I'm disappointed', disregarding everything I've done!"
"It was your fault you weren't careful enough!"
"CAREFUL?!" I screamed, "Careful? You try being careful and playing hard with guys ten times your size on your back all the time. News Flash: I'm not superman!"
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
"I'm not asking you to be!"
"Then what the hell do you want from me?!"
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be me hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright…
"Put your priorities in order, Adam. Hockey should always come first!"
"I'm not you dad!"
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
"But you can be!"
"You don't understand!!"
"Me? What about you? This is your life!"
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand…
"I'M 14 FUCKING YEARS OLD!! I HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO!!!"
"DON'T YOU DARE CURSE AT ME YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BASTARD!!
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry…
"I CAN'T BE PERFECT!!!!!!!!" I slammed the phone down and threw it across the room.
Sobbing, I sank to the floor. I hadn't cried in a long time. So long, I'd forgotten what it felt like. I didn't understand why it had to be the way it was between my father and I. Why couldn't he just stop for a minute and listen to me? Was it really that hard? All my life, I'd been his little puppy without even realizing it. In all my frustration, I grabbed one my Hawks trophies. It read, 'Adam Banks, MVP'. Letting out a distraught scream I stood up and slammed it against my desk with a little too much force. The trophy broke into two pieces. I flung the piece in my hand across the room.
"Adam?" a knock came at the door.
"Go the hell away!" I screamed. The person left. I looked at the clock. Dinner time. Even better. Slowly I made my way down to the cafeteria. The rest of the Ducks didn't pay much attention to what I was doing so I went back up to my room. I wasn't hungry anyway. There was enough built up rage inside of me that I didn't have to worry about food.
"Adam?" another knock came. It was a difference voice this time. I threw the door open.
"What the fuck do you want?" I growled, then stopped seeing that it was Jessica.
"I…just wanted to see if you were…okay," she said, eyes wide, "And obviously you are not"
"I'm fine, what are you talking about?" She rolled her eyes and pushed past me, pointing to the mess I made.
"That's what I'm talking about." I sighed and slumped against the wall, accepting defeat. I didn't have the strength to argue and Jessica had full proof in front of her already anyway. Gingerly she picked up a piece of what used to be my phone.
"What happened?" she took me by the shoulders and pushed me onto my bed.
"I don't know," I muttered. Jessica stood there and watched me silently. Finally she got up and tentatively picked up the two pieces of what used to be my MVP Hawk trophy, eyes flashing with realization.
"Did your dad call?" she asked, gently putting the trophy down onto the top of the bureau and sitting down next to me.
"How'd you know?"
"Who else misunderstands you so much that it causes you to get so distressed?"
I shrugged, "I guess so," I looked up at her and shook my head, "It's just…he gets me so damn mad. I just wish that he could understand what I'm trying to say. He can't live the life he wanted through me and he can't expect me to want the things we wanted. All my life, I worked my ass of just to make him proud, but nothing was ever enough. I can't be that guy and I just wish he'd listen to me tell him that. Every time I try, he goes on and on about my future. Well I'm still young. I'm fourteen fucking years old, dammit. What if, in two years, I decided I don't want to play pro hockey? What am I going to do then, without a complete education?" I let out a breath of relief. I hadn't realized how much better I'd feel if I told someone what I was feeling.
"Do what you want. Not what your dad wants. My dad wants me to play hockey too; the whole female hockey player thing is supposedly big now," she rolled her eyes, "But I don't want to anymore. In fact, hockey lost its spot on my priority list a long time ago. I quit the team. I went to see Coach Wilson before I came here. I'm done with hockey."
"What? You quit? Just like that? But I can't quit hockey. I love hockey, I just don't want to go pro yet."
"You don't have to quit. You have to do what you want to do."
"But…how?"
"Trust me," she leaned in and whispered her idea into my ear and I had to smile. It was corny and it was crazy. But it was the best idea I'd ever heard.
2 chapters in a day!! GO ME!