Title: More Than You'll Ever Know
Summary: All Adam's dad wants is for Adam to make pro-hockey. All Adam ever wanted was a friend. A friend to stick by him. He'd lost one before, and when she comes back, sparks fly, but not for the better.
Main Duck: Adam Banks
Rating: PG-13 for language especially in this chapter and later violence
Time frame: After D2, before and during D3 maybe after D3 if I feel like it and if you give me reviews =p
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em. I just own Jessica, Ethan, Sally, Jason, and Andrew.
This chapter: The plan and so much more…revealed.
The song is copyrighted by ME!
Jessica
"Jessica," there was my dad. I sighed, knowing that this conversation would have to happen sometime soon.
I turned, "Hi. Look I have to run-"
"How come you weren't playing? Do you feel alright?"
"I feel fine. I quit the team."
"What?" he looked slightly bewildered. I sighed again and leaned against the wall. This was going to take longer than I thought.
"I quit hockey," I repeated calmly, "Before you say anything, I'd like to state that is was my choice."
"But I thought you loved hockey!"
"I do love hockey. But I love my music and my health even more."
"What?"
"I'm very grateful that you're trying to help me be comfortable and I'm extremely grateful that you took me in," I took a breath, hoping I didn't sound too rude, "But you don't know me. You've never met me until a few months ago and even now, you still don't know me. Sure I like to play hockey, but I'm no Wayne Gretsky and I am certainly not an Adam Banks. I really appreciate the support you've shown me and I hope you don't take this the wrong way. It's just that I'm not a hockey kind of person. You may know Ethan, but I'm not Ethan either," I took out another invitation to the gig and handed it to him, "Come tomorrow and you'll see." Without waiting for a response, I strolled off in search of Ethan's girlfriend who agreed to take me to the doctor's office.
I don't think I'd ever said that much to him before. Hell, I don't think I'd even said that much to my mother either. But I hoped what I said left its mark. And I was so relieved that he was another Phillip Banks.
"Nervous about tonight?" Danny asked me as we set up the equipment on stage Saturday afternoon.
"Depends on what you mean by nervous," I let out a breath, plugging in the amplifier.
"Did you talk to Mr. Banks yet?" Tori asked, standing up from her seated position. I shook my head. Ethan was taking care of that and I was glad. Phillip Banks definitely scared me. Besides, he hated me with a burning passion. According to him, I made Adam miss the one game where, apparently, the most scouts showed up to.
Aaron plugged the guitar in, causing feedback.
"AARON!!" we all yelled.
"Sorry," he came onto the stage where we all stood and turned to me, "Did you take your meds yet?"
I rolled my eyes and he took that as a yes. Ever since I told them about my lupus developing, Jordan, Danny, Aaron, and Tori had been on my back twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It wasn't that I didn't love them for it, it just got really annoying sometimes. At seven, we warmed-up and did a sound check; I took the vocals. I couldn't focus on the lyrics that we rehearsed a wrote, not even the extra-special one that I wrote specifically for that night. Butterflies started to flutter in my stomach as I thought about what we were doing.
7:45 PM and I was freaking out backstage (It was actually the locker room for the home team, but I liked to think of it as backstage). I wasn't the only one. Tori was in a corner talking to herself and Aaron was jogging in place to get his mind off of the concert. Jordan was on a bench bouncing his leg up and down, glancing at the wall clock every few seconds. Aaron was nervously sipping at his water bottle, drumming his fingers on the wood of the bench. As for me, I was pacing the room trying to recite all the lyrics in my head. The football field, where the stage was set up (kind of like the super-bowl, but smaller), was huge. To think that we'd be playing for real people (not that 6-year-oldds weren't real) was scary.
"Reality…you guys ready?" Eric, this guy that knew Jordan and had somehow become our manager, stuck his head in.
"No," we all said at the same time, eyes snapping up to him.
Eric laughed lightly, "Look I know this is a huge gig, but you guys shouldn't worry about it. Just go out there and pretend it's like all the other gigs you've done. Forget about those extra people. There aren't even that many."
"I don't know if that's supposed to make us feel better or worse, but thanks Eric," Tori stated wryly.
"Anytime. Have fun, you guys. So what if a few record label guys are out there? You-"
"RECORD LABEL GUYS?! There are record label guys here?" I started to panic. Aaron put his hands on my shoulders and forced me to calm down, but who could calm down when there were record labels out there?
"Get ready, you're on in five," Eric shrugged and left the room. As soon as the door closed, everyone started to freak out.
"You guys," Danny stood up clearing his throat, "Don't worry. Those people out there…they don't matter. We matter. Why are we doing this again? Because for me, it sure as hell isn't for the money or some stupid deal. I'm doing it because I love it, because I can express my emotions in songs and have fun at the same time. If today we are Reality, a local band that plays for parties, and tomorrow we are Reality, the hit new hand from Minnesota, we are still Danny Larson, Tori Montgomery, Jessica Bombay, Jordan Knight, and Aaron King. So forget about all that extra junk and let's do what we came here to do—have fun." He sat back down and we stared at him for awhile. I knew he was right though. So what if there were big guys out there? I didn't care. Well, I did, but if we didn't land a deal, I'd be fine too.
Suddenly I found myself in the doorway of the football filed and Eric was announcing us. I grabbed Tori's arm and she grasped onto mine.
"Tori," I said anxiously, "Do we have my meds with us just in case?" I wondered frantically what would happen if I had a flare during the gig.
"Check," she whispered back.
"…REALITY!!" Eric screamed. I was stuck. I couldn't move. Jordan reached over and pushed me. I stumbled out and kept running until I reached the stage. Reaching for the microphone, I felt a familiar rush. As long as the microphone was in my hands, I'd be okay.
Tori started the beat, "One, two, three!!" And the music started. Taking in a deep breath, I dove into the lyrics, losing myself in them. After the third song, I started looking for Ethan. Adam' song was next! Where the hell was he? I shook my head and focused on the music being played.
"The next song is dedicated to someone special," I said, catching my breath and triumphantly spotting my brother and an angry Mr. Banks in tow. Scanning the crowd I found Adam in the front row. I motioned for him to come up.
"Our friend, Adam, has something important to say." I handed him the microphone, giving him a smile and an encouraging nod. Danny, Aaron, Jordan, and Tori added some, 'Yeah, Adam's for emphasis.
"All my life I've done everything you wanted me to, Dad," Adam took in a shaky breath when he saw his father come to attention, "When I was eligible, I tried out for the Hawks. I practiced for months ahead of time so I was sure I'd make it. But then something happened. I fell in love with the sport. When you told me to quit hockey for the season so that I wouldn't play with the Ducks, I couldn't do that, dad. I wanted to play way too much. And then when I sprained my wrist at the Jr. Goodwill Games, I wanted to hide it because I wanted the scouts to see me. Because I knew that's what you wanted; you would've been proud. Then we all got accepted into Eden Hall on scholarship and I made the Varsity hockey team. I think that may have been the last time you said anything nice to me. Still I wanted to play with my friends because it was then that I realized. I'm only fourteen. I still have my whole high school career to decided if I even want to turn to pro hockey. When you told me Jessica would always be in the way of my hockey career, I realized something else. This is my life and all these people that you're criticizing are my friends. And Jessica, especially, has been there for me more time than I can count in my life. It was only right that I stayed at the hospital with her. And besides," he turned to me and smiled. My heart beat erratically as his blue eyes gazed into my brown eyes, "I think I love her." And he kissed me. When he pulled away, I was…amazed to say the least. Adam gave me his signature half-smile (in which I turned totally red under) before he continued, "I'm sorry I can't be that boy for you, dad. I'm sorry that I can't be you." He handed me the microphone, his hand lingering on mine, before he stepped off to the side. I'm pretty sure I had the hugest, goofiest, grin on my face. I turned to Tori and the guys. They nodded at me, smiling. Danny started up the keyboards that the guitars and drums followed. I glanced quickly at dam before starting the song:
"Are you happy with me?
Are you gonna tell me to change?
'Cause nothing you say will make me believe you,
Nothing you do will make me listen to you.
Every morning I see a different person,
And I know he's not me.
He's you.
He's me pretending to be you,
Trying to be everything you couldn't be,
Pretending that's what he wants to do,
Trying to do everything you couldn't do,
But daddy please,
I'm not that person,
Daddy please,
I'm sorry.
I couldn't be you.
Are you listening to me?
Are you gonna tell me I'm wrong?
'Cause nothing I say gets through to you,
And nothing I do makes you proud of me.
Every night I'm one person, I'm me,
But in the morning I'm not…
I'm you.
I'm pretending to be you,
Trying to be everything you couldn't be,
Pretending that's what I want too,
Trying to do everything you couldn't do,
But daddy please,
I'm not that person,
Daddy please,
I'm sorry.
I couldn't be you.
Pretending…
To be something I'm not,
Pretending…
To be happy,
Pretending…
I want this.
Tell me what's use in individuality,
When all I'm doing is
Pretending!
I'm pretending to be you,
Trying to be everything you couldn't be.
Pretending to be you,
Trying to do everything you couldn't do.
Daddy please,
That's not me.
I'm sorry…
I can't pretend anymore."
And as we started the next set, I saw Adam leave with his dad, talking with bent heads. I smiled as I sang about growing up and living tough. I saw my dad in the audience, beaming at me. And I knew that he understood where I was coming from, which made everything better.
"So…our baby ain't single?!" Jordan feigned tears. I slapped him.
"Nice job, guys! Some other people want to talk to you, come one!" Eric said as we all thirstily chugged water down. We scrambled to our feet and left the room. Waiting for us were two guys in suits.
"If they're not CIA agents, then this could be what we've been waiting for," Danny whispered in my ear. I giggled and nodded vigorously. But I knew that whatever happened, it was still the best day of my life. Or somewhere close to it.