Chapter 7: The Turn of the Event
Yule Balls of Year 1974-1975
Lily Evans:
All the girls gasped out loud, and all the guys stopped laughing dead. But Sirius continued to kiss Remus. And stunned Remus didn't move an inch. His shock featured was frozen as if he was petrified.
Suddenly, Sirius pulled apart and flashed his wickedly perfect set of white teeth at gaping mouths of ours, and said, "You are right, I do love Stella!" With his finger, he began to caress Remus's lips. "Oh Stella, Stella. How I love thee."
It was I, who first broke out laughing, trying to ease all the tension. And one by one, all of Gryffindors started to howl with laughter. The shock had died down, and they were able to laugh at what it appeared to be one of Sirius's usual pranks.
"Bravo, Sirius. No one can outdone you, now!" cried Peter.
"By Merlin, Sirius," said our seeker with red tinge on his face, "You are not going to kiss me, are you?"
"No, James, you are too ugly."
"Come on, mates. We should get going, otherwise, there won't be any punch left," someone said over our shoulders, and we started to disperse out through the portrait hole. Peter went out first, so he could give a hand to Jo as she came out. I went and stood after Ashley.
"You two coming?" I asked, as I moved closer to the hole.
Sirius stood up, and extended his hand to Remus, who took it with embarrassment shown on his face. "Sorry, mate, you know I had to."
"I know, but I wish you didn't had to, with me," said Remus, looking flushed. I saw the light in Sirius's eyes flicker a bit. "But I had to admit, it was a good kiss. No wonder, all the ladies were after you, you dog," said Remus in a playful tone with a smile.
"You know me," said Sirius with his smile back on his face.
As I climbed through the hole, I heard Remus, "Yes, I know you."
My head was already turning. Lily Evans wasn't just a top student for nothing. The kiss was to be talked about for entire school year. And as soon as we all left the corridor together, the news of the kiss spread like a wild fire. Sirius had received few sniding comments from the Slytherins, but most of students were really curious or shame that they missed the fun.
Few older girls were looking at Sirius and even James with this lovey dovey eyes, and I realized then, that I didn't know they were quite popular. That night, I had danced with Remus most of the ball, except for few dances with Marauders, and the rest in between.
Two days later was the day students left for home, and I remembered being surprised when James and Sirius came down to the train station. I had thought they were spending the break at Hogwarts. It turned out Remus had invited them over to stay with him, which I was a bit jealous of. I wanted to go to, but Peter and I had our family obligations we couldn't get out of.
The time past quickly, when you were busy. It was the second Yule Ball to come around for me to realize whom I really, truly, fancied. I never realized how James was smart and funny at the same time before the 5th term started, that was when he and I became Gryffindor Prefects. All the meetings and times we had to spend together, made me realized I liked him. More than a friend.
Remus also received his letter, but he decided to turn it down. He says he can't study with a job as being one of the Prefects, but I think the real reason was he wanted me to be with James alone. That damn smart brain of his! Remind me to thank him before I forget.
And somehow, all the other people think, we are meant for each other. I didn't know James liked me last year, but according to Meg, Jo and Ashley, it was too bloody obvious that I liked him back. And Meg was too disappointed that I didn't go out with James last year, but with her favorite boy, as she liked to call, Remus.
I didn't know she liked Remus. Don't get me wrong, I had a crush on Remus since I met him on King's Cross. I didn't just ask him out last year just because we were good friends. But after a while, I've learned my feeling toward Remus was a fierce protectiveness toward him. I think that's how all of us, who are closest to Remus, feel. Wanting to shield him from whatever it is. It's not that he's weak, or anything, but you can't help feeling he needs the gentlest shield from the world.
Years later, I would learn that feeling is typical reaction toward young werewolves, as how all wolves feel toward young pups. Unlike other beasts, like lions, wolves will adopt other's pups and raise them as their own. They were very fascinating creatures.
I've had my suspicions of Sirius and Remus since that night of the kiss. God knows how I paid attentions toward them all 5th year. All the data and facts are pointing toward one thing. If James noticed, he didn't tell me, and I didn't discuss it with him, for it was a private matter. But I am not sure, if the two in question have realized their feelings or possibly other's feelings for each other, yet. Sirius had his shares of girlfriends, all short term relationships this semester alone. His reputation of being the player and the heart breaker was getting so bigger than life among girls, I had to cough so I won't laugh at the irony.
In another words, our first Ball was our awkward teenage selves getting used to the idea of love and our first taste of whole new world. The second Yule Ball was about to be very interesting to observe.
Severus Snape:
In the beginning of my 5th year, I knew I was in love. Whenever he smiled at me apologetically for our failed potions, or the Marauders' pranks on me, I felt my heart beating faster. For a while, I thought I was only angry with him and his friends, but deep in me. I knew the truth. I studied in the library, because I could watch him study. I tolerated his failure in potions, because then I could be his partner. I would spy on him when he wasn't watching. The way he smiled, however, faint it was, I relished in his presence. I knew I must suppress my feelings, because we were different. I was to grow up and marry someone from Slytherin House, a girl, not a boy. And not certainly a Gryffindor at that.
I was in love with a boy, who would never return my affection, even if he knew. He was in love with Black. That I could sense with jealousy. When Black were taunting him, it was I who made friend with Lupin. It was I who helped him in potions. But it was him, that Lupin loved and cared for.
Ishmael Stafford:
I heard the door opening from where I was sitting, tied down with ropes, digging into my old bruised skin. I heard the heavy footstep coming toward me, ringing out against the hollow walls around us.
"I knew I would have my day with you," the stranger said, his face masked by the shadow, but his voice, I remembered the voice clearly as I did the first day I had heard him speak in my class. A brilliant boy. The smartest in my class.
"You're…you're…" I stammered. I had never expected to see him, in this place, like this.
"Yes," he came out of the shadow, revealing his face, "I am Lord Voldemort."
His face had changed, but his eyes didn't. I still saw the bright golden eyes that once belonged to Thomas Riddle, the smartest student I had ever known, my protege, inside his now dead eyes.
"You'll never win this way," I said softly, my old voice showing my age. He looked at me, and laughed. The cold, emotionless laugh chilled me through my heart. Freezing any warmth I had.
I tried again. "You can't change what had happened, Thomas-"
"Thomas is dead! I am Lord Voldemort now. You made me who I am. You didn't think I wouldn't find out about it?" His eyes flashed with anger, dark anger.
"Listen to me Thomas. She won't come back. She will never come back now. I know my mistakes, and I won't let you make more of it. You still have the chance to turn this all back. You still have it." I said desperately. His face turned deadly, "Why don't you tell that to your precious friend, Dumbledore? Hmmm? No, wait. I've got a better idea," he drew his left hand from his side, "I'll let your body show him."
There was a flash of greenlight, and my last thought was on my dear boy.
Who would take care of you now, Remus? Who will tell you all there was to tell you? So many layers of secrets, so many...unspoken truth.
Sirius Black:
I half heartily smiled at Jessica, my Ravenclaw 5th year Prefect partner, as she led me to the Great Hall. There were many students around us, and craned my neck in search of Remus. In my mind I had panicked, when I kissed him without any self-control or any thoughts on the consequence of my action. I wasn't thinking straight.
We were alone in our dorm room. He was talking animatedly about Mr. Stafford and how much he had fun last Christmas at Dafford Castle with James and I as surprise guests, and how this year was going to be fun with all the Marauders at the castle. He was talking, and suddenly he stopped. I saw he was falling asleep again, and I caught him in my arm before he could hit his head on his trunk.
I held him in my arm, trembling slightly; I had realized then, how precious and fragile he was. Then as sudden as it were, he woke up, confused and embarrassed. The length of his sudden attack of sleep was getting unpredictable as ever. He blushed, that maddening pink on his cheek that I wanted to caress.
When Remus got up to leave me, I had a sudden tightening in my chest. It wasn't like I never had that feeling before, but that time, it was worst. Only thing I could think was…don't let him get away, don't let him walk away from…from me. So I grabbed him, and kissed him. Not like I did a year ago, not just for a play.
But for real.
Stupid, stupid Black. I felt like banging my head against the wall. Stupid, stupid Ball. Second year in a row, I made a fool of myself. I practically ran out on him, before he could say anything. Stupid, stupid Ball. He must hate me now.
I gently held Jessica in my arm, as we sway with the music along with our fellow mates, since we came down hours ago. As I looked at her, I knew this is the way it was supposed to be. I, Sirius Black, was dancing with this beautiful and loving girl, who adored me. I caught the envious glances at us from all direction.
As I stared at their eyes, I knew what they were all thinking. How lucky we are. How lucky am I, to be dancing with her. How lucky is that Black, dancing with the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts. How lucky is that Sirius, to be envied by all, to inspire the boys to be like me. But I wish I felt the same way. I wish I were like him, Sirius Black the shining star. I wish I were the golden boy who can't do no wrong. I truly wish I were the boy that could live up to that façade of endless reputations.
And of course, I was living a lie, a charade. I loved my best friend. And I had kissed him only few hours ago.
I didn't feel like the great Sirius Black at that moment. I saw Remus dancing with Meg. I looked at James, dancing with Lily. And Peter, who can't forget Peter, who were practically being smothered by Jo's towering figure for second year in a row. I felt a tug in my arm, and I look down at Jessica as she smiled up at me, and I smiled back to her.
"Sirius?" asked Jessica as she leaned her head on my shoulder. The enchanted ceiling displaying the beautiful night sky along with sparkling stars.
"Yes?"
"What are you thinking?" she whispered as if we were alone, apart from the others.
"Oh. Nothing. I was just thinking…" My eyes landed on Remus, who was now being laughing at something Meg had said.
"Yes?"
"Thinking of how thirsty I was," I said.
"Oh, do you want to get-"
"Yes, I think I will," with that I slipped past her arms, to the refreshment table, which was chiffon by Professor Dumbledore, oddly enough.
"-of course, that was why the drink is called the punch," Dumbledore was talking to a 7th year Slytherin boy cheerfully.
"Professor?" I asked as I approached the table.
"Have a nice time," Dumbledore said to the Slytherin and turned toward me with his eyes twinkling, "Yes, Mr. Black. My, what a fine wizard you look."
I blushed at his complement, "Thank you."
"Would you be needing two cups of this punch?" Dumbledore said as he had a cup in his hand.
"Yes, please." As he was taking his time pouring the red and green punch into its appropriate cup, my eyes started to wander around the floor again. I saw Peter, dancing with Ashley. Next to them, James was dancing with Lily. Jo was dancing with the Ravenclaw keeper.
Then I saw Remus with Meg. They were dancing awfully long time together. "-the kiss, Mr. Black," I heard Dumbledore say, bringing my attention back to the table.
"What, sir?"
His clear and kind gray eyes were twinkling. "I heard about Mr. Lupin and your daring performance, last year."
"Oh. That," I averted my eyes to the red and green punch, "I thought everyone had forgot about that by now. We were just playing around."
"I see," said Dumbledore with unreadable expression on his eyes. "I hope you will enjoy the new tradition." Before I could ask him what he had meant, a rush of Ravenclaw couple came up. He began to fill up the cup slowly, and I, once again with an anxiety, turned back to the floor.
This time, I was unable to find anyone familiar. I saw Malfoy dancing with Narcissa near the Slytherins. They looked smug together. Snape was in my view, not far from them. He looked all cleaned up in his black robe. Although he was not dancing, he looked like he was busy scanning the crowd like me. My distaste must have shown in my face, because suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"You look like you are about to kill someone, or throw up," Lily stood in front of me, with a concerned face. I cracked up my Black grin, and said, "You would be too, if you saw Snape dancing."
Lily laughed, and greeted Dumbledore with the request of a cup of the special red and green punch. Dumbledore, who was still pouring the punch onto a cup, took out his wand, and started to fill Lily's cup magically.
"Come on, Black. You haven't dance with me," Lily said as she pulled me away from the punch table with her drink on her hand. With two drinks on my hands, I nodded as if she left me no choice.
"Are you sure about that, Miss Evans? I might be dangerous," I said as I put away the cups to hover above my head safely away from bumping bodies.
"Ohhh, I think I can handle little runt like you, Mr. Black," Lily said as she threw away her cup with a wave of her wand.
"Is that a challenge, I hear?" I said, as we stood facing each other at the end of the dancing floor.
"No, it's a promise." She looked at my eyes with an amused expression.
"Ouch, touché." I said and looked over her,"Where's-"
"James?" She turned and pointed toward the exit, "talking about Quidditch with seekers over there. I got bored."
I nodded, James had tendency to get really into Quidditch among other players. Lily smelled nice, not too much perfume, unlike many of the girls here, whose smells were overpowering. She must have considered Remus's keen sense of smell. He did get nauseous often in a confined room with a strong smell, like the potions dungeon for example.
In sense, Remus reminded me of his house elf, Wardley, who had taken liking to me and James, when we visited Dafford Castle last Christmas. Remus had shown us all of the fine winery, garden, and his favorite room, the ancient library, which was far back from the kitchen, where James and I liked to hangout, near the big fire. Remus had cuddled up against his favorite chair in the big open library that stretched up to third floor. It was enormous room, filled with any books you can imagine. Remus had been working on categorizing all the books during the summer. We helped him a little during our stays there, when we couldn't go outside, because of the snow.
Mr. Stafford was there as well, but we didn't see much of him, except at dinner table. The wizard was old, not as old as Dumbledore, but quiet close, I calculated. Remus had practically glowed in front of him, and any fool would be able to see that they cared for each other very much.
"Hey," Lily was snapping her fingers in front of my face, "Me. You are dancing with me."
"Sorry, Lil," my eyes coming back to her.
"Were you thinking about Remus?" she asked bluntly. I blurted out with a surprise, "How did you know-"
"I didn't," she said and she leaned in closer to my ear, "until now."
I didn't know where to put my eyes, "Are you…. Do you…" Lily trailed off, uncertain. Probably wondering if she would offend me.
"Do you mind?" I whispered, my heart thumping madly.
"No," she said quickly to assure me, "I would have minded a little if it was a year ago, but, now I don't mind. Remus is a good friend, that's all, contrary to other's belief," she looked back at the direction of Gryffindors, "Then, you are sure that you are…"
"A poof? No. I am not a poof. I mean I never liked any other boys, just….him," I said surely.
"Ohh. I see. Does James know?"
"Yes," I said.
"For how long, have you…" she asked with less of uncertainty, more of curiosity.
We danced farther away from the louder crowds. "I think since the first Ball."
"I knew it," she said with a triumph on her face.
"You knew?"
"The bloody kiss, Sirius. It was too obvious, if you knew where to look. You can't fool me-"
"Oh, how silly of me, how could I fool the Prefect Lily?" I said as I grinned innocently, but my grin disappeared quickly when I remembered my kiss with Remus only hours ago.
"What's wrong, Sirius?"
I wasn't sure if I should tell her about the kiss yet, but she was the only one who knew Remus the best.
"I kissed him, Lil."
"Yes, I know. I think everyone does now."
"No, Lil. I mean I kissed him, today," I said gravely.
"Ohhh," said Lily's mouth silently.
"And I ran out on him, Lil," I looked at her desperately, "I don't know what he would think of me. I-I-I don't know if he hates me. I-"
I was cut off, when there was a sudden wash of silence in the great hall. Professor Dumbledore stood on the platform; "I want everyone to join the rest of us in the dance floor." When the scattered students rejoined us, Dumbledore smiled broadly, "now, since this year's theme seemed to be the change, I had proposed a change in the last hour of dance sequence. I want all of the you to close your eyes," magically my eyelids slid down and closed, "and everyone start to mix among all of you." Magically my legs started to move. All of the students started moving perfectly in random way, but still not bumping into each other. The music started to play again, as we all moved in our blind walks.
Dumbledore spoke again with excitement; "This would be our new tradition, if everyone agree. Now, everyone stop, open your eyes," I opened my eyes to see 6th year Hufflepuff girl in front of me. Everyone looked confused as they looked around. There were girls facing girls, boys facing boys, and then mixed couples like me. "Now, start dancing with your new partners. Get to know everyone. Get to know new friends. Come on, have fun while you are at it."
There was a silence, except for the music, and people started to dance with their partners. I extended my hand to my partner, and the girl smiled and took it. All of us started to dance in small circles. When the music change again, all of us started to be led magically to new spot and a new partner, but this time with our eyes open. My second partner was another girl, this time 4th year Gryffindor, we only danced for a minute this time.
As people were getting used to the idea of this bizarre dance of Dumbledore, I began to look for my friends, wondering who they were dancing with. But it was difficult to see when your legs were leading you to new circle. And this time, I was facing a boy. 4th year Ravenclaw, Richard Corley, the Quidditch beater.
"Richard," I said courteously.
"Sirius," he said nervously.
We danced only a few second this time, thanks to the fast music change. But as I was walking to my new place and partner, I passed by Remus. I would have been frozen if my legs would had let me, which I was thankful for. I stopped in front of Narcissa. We scowled at each other as we danced together. And to my worst luck, it turned out to be the longest dance. I looked over her shoulder to see whom Remus was dancing with, and my heart sank. His new partner was Severus Snape.
"Ow! You step on my foot," Narcissa hissed quietly, but I didn't care about her. I was busy spying on Remus and Snape. I saw Snape whispering against Remus's right ear, his eyes glinting right at me. He had caught me looking at them. Snape smirked his thin lips, fueling my anger toward him.
At last, the change of the partners began again. This time my feet led me closer to Remus, still not able to catch his eyes, I faced my new partner. It was James.
"Sirius, old pal! How nice to dance with you," he said teasingly.
"Did you see Snape dancing with Remus!" I hissed silently as I turned my head to spot who Remus was dancing with now. It was another boy, who I didn't know.
"Another boy, damn!" I said.
"You know, you are being a jealous prick right now, don't you?" James said.
I fumed silently as I stared at Remus.
"Sirius, you being silent, doesn't really suits you."
"Bugger out, James. And I am not jealous."
James looked very skeptical.
"Why don't you just tell him, Sirius."
"I can't-"
"Why not? You are only going to do something stupid if you don't. Otherwise-"
"I already did."
"-people are going to notice. What? What did you do?"
"What do you mean, people are going to notice? Am I that obvious or something?"
Suddenly the music changed, and we were separated again. My legs leading me closer to where the magical instruments were playing, near the windows. They started to play something more slow this time, and the lights in the Hall slowly dimmed. I was craning my neck to see where Remus was dancing this time. I hardly noticed who was in front of me, until-
"Hello, Sirius," the voice of Remus greeted me. I was thankful that it was dim lighting; otherwise everyone would have seen me jump up with a surprise.
"Aren't you going to dance with me?" his voice, uncertain, said.
"Yes, of course," I held his delicate hand in mine and I felt him resting his other hand on my shoulder. Remus looked so bloody good, I couldn't actually bring myself to look at him. Remus, too, looked straight ahead over my shoulder. The music was slow and romantic, much to my frustration.
We didn't speak to each other, but I felt his breathings and movements as if they were my own. I smelled his clean soap smell along with the usual whatever sweet-scented lotion he had put on to protect his easily bruised white skins.
"You smell nice," I said without thinking, startling both of us. I felt the flush of embarrassment on my face, then he said-
"You too," said Remus, his eyes meeting mine. His big golden eyes were shinning with the yellow lights of candles. I didn't see any hatred toward me, not even resentment. My eyes trailed down and saw his soft and full lips, and I was reminded again of our kiss.
"I am sorry. I am sorry about the kiss, Remus," I said it at last.
"Oh-" Remus said. I saw his eyes flicker. It passed so fast, I wondered if I saw it correctly.
"I've had no right to do that," I stared at his eyes, "I didn't know what I was thinking. Oh, I know, maybe I thought it would be a Yule Ball tradition. Kissing Remus before the dance brings luck, or something like that, you know? Lots of people do something silly things like that before some important events. Did you know that Tek Valour used to kiss his frogs, before he went out to battle? Well, he did. People said, they said that that's where the folk tale of the prince being the frog came about. Isn't that interesting? And also, Driggs, remember her? She used to hop twenty nine times before she had to go out and play Quidditch. Always twenty nine times. I counted them myself. She said she wouldn't get hit any bludgers if she did. And Bruno Radrigo, he was known to-"
"Sirius, you are babbling," Remus whispered against my right ear. I was thinking up excuses, I didn't even notice that Remus had leaned in closer to me, his lips right next to my right ear. His hot breathe on my right ear.
"Sorry, Remus. Again," I smiled apologetically. And I was rewarded with his smile, although he moved away from my ear and it faded sooner than I would have liked.
"Well," Remus leaned in again, his breath dancing against my ear, "I am not," he whispered. "Sorry about the kiss, I mean."
Bloody Mary, exactly that moment, there was a big bang near my left ear. And I wasn't imagining it alone, for I saw Remus's head turning at the sound. I caught Remus in my arm, as I whirled around from the source instinctively. The ground shook, and many of us lost balance and fell.
I didn't know what was happening, but the swarm of people was pushing us, separating us. "Remus!" I called out, but everyone was desperate to get out of there. The windows shattered from the sides. "Remus!" I called for him again, and people were screaming, crying. My voice was lost amongst many others. The spilled punches eerily resembled blood. Everyone was running in total chaos, in total fear of unknown. All the screaming and the smoke filled the room. Making my eyes burn and tears welled up. In my blindness, I escaped the Great Hall toward clear air of outside.