Primitive Instincts
By Half Awake Warning
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, and I never have done. I could not have created this amazing phenomenon, and I don't think I could have survived if I did. Everything belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, besides the plot and any characters that you do not recognize.
Author's Note: I would just like to say a massive thank-you to my reviewers, and all of your encouraging words! You bring a smile to my face :) – bless you all. This is just a short piece that is more to do with feelings than anything else and the puzzle of a child mind. It doesn't make much sense, I made it to come out the way it does – it's confusing and this reflects the raw emotions I think one would feel in such a situation.
I don't know if you will understand the message, I barely do myself.
The lyrics are taken from Evanescence's Haunted.
Chapter Two
Raw Emotions and Fragmented Dreams
A dirty sun rose in a cloudy sky, a clouded child stumbled forth from the dirty remains of home, a silent breeze blew but nothing moved. Frozen. All was lost, all hope, everything was gone. No-one left, not a soul – now completely alone. Alone, and cold, and helpless. How long can one survive in a war zone? How long can the desperate leech off of the world around them before it turns and betrays them? How long can one go in solitude – alone?
But home was gone, now she was nameless. The name that they had given to her as a gift, she could not remember it now they were gone - that name had burned with them. Fire licking at the wound – water drowning in the sky. She knew she should have perished with them; she had not the right to remain alive. Bad luck – more than a curse. More than a blessing. Something entirely different, unexplainable but simple enough. Nasty, evil, clever, deceiving, unbelievable – like the men. Killing and manipulating, heartless and cold. They are one with metal.
How long till the sun rises no longer? How long till the food disappears like smoke from the ruins of a long lost life? How long till the mind forgets, and the memory smoulders in annihilation? The mind is a great, powerful thing, but it is to be forgiven by the mind hard and perilous.
Small footprints imprinted in the ground, little markings of a lost soul. They remain there forever but are never seen, invisible. Maybe that is the meaning of invisibility, or of a broken heart. No love in solitary night, no love in darkness that haunts the dreams. How long now? She stumbles and falls, sounds ripple and crackle like the leaves she has fallen upon. She cries out in pain, but no sound comes out. Or maybe it was that no-one heard her cry – did she cry out? If it was not heard then she had not shattered the silence that had barred its arms around her world.
Walking amongst the trees, the great tall giants she played in. She could see them swaying sadly in the breeze, but she could not hear the leaves whisper or the wind sing. Yet her small footprints - the sound of them pounding like a heartbeat on the floor – told her nothing was wrong with her ears. A part of her had died with the world around her. A part of her still burned for them.
Tears fall, rain clouds gather in the sky and cry for her. A lone figure in this world of false hope, a lone figure amongst the trees.
She shrank back into the shadows, now conscious of the sounds that were beating at her, blinding her, smothering her, destroying her. She cried out in pain and anger and hurt, someone must have heard – it rang out in the forest loud and clear. She took a breath and everything came rushing back, knocking her down to the ground, the force unbearable. Tears fell, arms shook, heart trembled. All was dark, suffocating, unbreakable…until she opened her eyes…they had been closed all along.
Shattered sobs choked her lungs, she clutched at a tree for comfort, trying to hide herself from their faces…so mangled, and dirty, so dirty and bloody. Their eyes would never close; forever they were to haunt her footsteps.
Can one live so long with death stained upon her hands, a stench of life ruined and torched in flame? Why is it always the innocents who are left to suffer and endure the wounds that never heal? Why is the world full of pain and misery, when all one has tried to do fails – falling down and down into a deep hole where no light shines yet the darkness is afraid to touch?
Limbo.
State between real and imaginary, or is it life and death?
~x~X~x~
It had been a dream. A horrible dream. A nightmare. But she could feel them, she could see them. They were beckoning to her, calling her to them, drawing her to her death. A knife was held in her hands now – but where had it come from? Should she answer the call? Should she lodge the knife in her heart and take her punishment, was it right that she remained alive when they had been drawn from their bodies by flame and steel like blood running from a wound?
So many questions, but no answers. Only more questions.
Watching me,
Wanting me,
I can feel you pull me down.
Fearing you,
Loving you,
I won't let you pull me down.
She was one so young and innocent, already branded by the cruel fate of destiny – death. Though little she knew of her past, she was barely a child. Sometimes she forgot that – and so did they.
~x~X~x~
She sighed and stood, her mind numb, her soul dirty. The girl looked down at her clothes and her hands – they were bleeding, her clothes stained with more than just dirt. So she succumbed to the weakest human emotion she had – denial. She fought her own mind and sanity, barring the thoughts of the last night from her mind. It had never happened; she had been dreaming all along – nothing but a nightmare brewed from her murky thoughts. Letting routine wash over her, she began to walk down to the river nearby, ignoring the smoke rising from the trees – it wasn't real. Just a figment of her imagination.
The child began doing what she always managed to do – she began trying to make everything perfect. It would begin with her appearance.
And it would end many years later – with the ultimate sacrifice.
But she didn't know that yet.
A/N: Please let me know what you think – and check out my beta Isilwen's stuff because it rocks!