Year 1976
Sirius Black:
Snape was staring at us again. No, correction, he was staring at Remus. Again. He wasn't looking at him in a sick way like he used to, but in some kind of trance. Like, as if he was studying his subject, as if Remus was his subject to be studied. My Remus. He was mine, not yours, Snape.
Of course, I talked to Remus about it. But Remus, like how he always does, shook it off as me being paranoid. "Stop making Severus as if he's crazy lunatic, Sirius," he told me, "he's not like that." He sighed, "Come on, let's go see Hagrid. He told me he found something interesting."
"It better not be some vicious Capri. I hate those things," I grumbled and left the subject at that, but I knew it then. Remus never called Snape by his name since the second grade. I knew something was up. Something secret. It hurted and angered me that Remus would hide things from me. I hate secrets. He wouldn't tell me what had happened to him and Snape. Of course, I never asked him directly, but he never offered, either. Besides whenever I was alone with him, we ended up snogging each other, and I simply forgot to ask him.
But Snape wouldn't let me forget it. His smirk and knowing eyes followed me, taunting me to find out. And one evening, I had cornered Snape, who eyed me with contempt.
"What do you want, Black?" he said, his face half hidden from shadows of the dungeon.
"I want to know what happened-" I stepped closer to him, meeting eye to eye. I was tall, but Snape had grown too, he was as tall as me now, "that night. Tell me." I demanded.
Snape emerged from the shadow, his ugly face mocking me, "Why, you don't know. How interesting. Your boyfriend didn't tell you, did he?"
I grab his collar with my hands, pushing him against the stone wall, "Don't toy with me, Snape."
He didn't look a bit alarmed, "You want to know? Fine. I will tell you what happened," he shook me off in a fluid movement, stepping around me.
"Did you see me with him, Black? That night. You were running away like the rest of them. You left your boyfriend behind, didn't you? Too afraid, too selfish to think about your precious boy then. You were only thinking about saving your own ass."
I gripped my fists. He went on, "He did smelled so good in my arm. Yes, I carried him, you see. He was so light in my arms, he didn't feel like anything. I carried him to a remote place. He didn't object. In fact, he was eager in my arms."
"Liar!"
"Oh, but he did. He told me he wanted to kiss me, and I touched his lips, and I had tasted him in my mouth. He was with me, Black, that night. And we fucked like rabbits."
"Shut your filthy mouth!"
"Oh, his skin was so hot against my own. He trembled before me, begging me to do him. Did you two, oh wait, maybe it's too rude to ask." His dark eyes glinted, "But I will ask anyway. Have you two done it yet?"
My fist went flying. Snape staggered away with a hand on his nose. I saw blood on my hand. Snape didn't tried to hit back, but he smirked triumphantly.
"Oh my, I have touched a sensitive subject, haven't I?" He laughed with his bloodied nose. "You see, Black. Lupin loves me. He would never love you. I bet he shies away from your advances. He would never let you go further than kissing. He would push your dirty paws away from even touching his-"
"Shut up! You cow dung!" I was on top of him, "You are a liar. You tell lies, so you can fantasize that they were true in your sick little mind. You wish you can have what I have, Snape."
"And what exactly do you have, Black?" he punched me, and I was on the ground. "You don't have him. You haven't done it yet. Soon, Lupin will realize what a disappointment you really are, and he will come back to me. I don't have to do a thing, because you will be doing all the work." He stared down at my face. "Remember, Black, he doesn't love you."
"You think I am lying about shagging, Black? Lupin has a mark on his back. Left to be precise. I found it while I was inside him. If you want to know the shape, you would have to see it for yourself," He said, walking away.
I lied there with my bloodied lips. Listening to my racing heartbeats, and thinning sound of Snape's footsteps.
Snape was a liar. And I was going to prove him. I knew Remus had no mark on his back, because I saw him change in the room many times before. Remus would never love that slime ball. Would he? I went straight to the library, where I knew Remus was studying his Astrology charts with Peter.
Peter Pettigrew:
Remus looked up, staring at the door, and I too looked up from our charts, wondering what he had heard. Soon, we saw Sirius coming toward with bloodied lips.
"What happened?" I said in alarm. But Sirius ignored the question and grab Remus's arm. "What on earth," Remus took his arm away playfully, thinking it was one of his prank. But Sirius grab it again, and not too gently, because Remus winced and pulled his arm away again.
It had left angry red prints.
"That hurt!" He protested, but Sirius now grab him by his waist, hauling him over his shoulder easily as carrying a bag. "Peter, excuse us." All the while, Remus protesting, "Sirius, put me down."
"Sirius, what are you doing?" I ran after them, out of the library. "Hold on, Sirius!"
Sirius slowly turned to face me, and his look chilled me to my bone. "This is between Remus and me."
Normally, I would have scurried away, and leave them be, but somehow I said, "No, Sirius. I think not. Remus was helping me, and he doesn't want to go with you."
It was deathly quiet, and I knew I stepped over the bound. I knew instantly I should have left. I closed my eyes, when Sirius came at me.
But nothing happened. When I opened my eyes, Sirius was crouching over Remus. I saw his trembling legs, and I was there in an instant.
Another attack.
Sirius was shaking him, trying to wake him. Fool, I thought, how many times did I have to remind Sirius that shaking Remus would not wake him. It might hurt him.
"Stop it, Sirius! You might hurt him!" I slapped away Sirius's burly hands, and I said, "just hold his head, so he wouldn't choke."
With Sirius holding the head, I grab Remus's legs until they went steady and calm. It was always the beginning of narcoleptic attack you have to watch out for. Mostly, it was calm, dead drop, but the other times, it was as if he was having epilepsy.
Slowly the trembling went away and Remus lied still. Sirius was cradling Remus head on his lap, smoothening away his sweaty hair.
"I am sorry, Peter." He said, not looking up. I said nothing. I watched him carry Remus to our room, and I followed shortly, after gathering our stuffs from the library. I past by Lily and James in the corridor, and I waved in acknowledgment, but didn't tell them what had happened. I knew both of them would have Sirius's head later. He deserved it too, but I didn't want that happening tonight.
I climbed the stairs and opened the door to our room.
"God, Sirius. What the hell!" I dropped my bags. Sirius was on the floor, next to Remus's bed, holding his robe. "I thought he was lying."
"Who? What are you talking about?" I said, looking at near naked Remus on the bed, and back to Sirius. "What the hell's gotten into you?"
Sirius Black:
I watched meekly as Peter covered Remus and tucked him in.
I didn't want to believe it. But there it was, just like Snape had said. A mark, a red mark. It looked as if it was a birthmark as if it was there since the beginning. I couldn't make out the shape.
Suddenly, I grew angry. How did I not see that? Extremely angry. I knew I was being stupid, but I didn't care. How on earth did Snape see the mark? I've seen Remus change his cloths many many times, and I have never seen such a mark.
Then something clicked inside.
I don't have to do a thing, because you will be doing all the work.
"Bastard!" I yelled. How could I have been so stupid! He had played with my mind. I had hurt Remus. I had caused him to have an episode. Me. I did it.
And from that moment on, I wanted to kill Severus Snape.
Peter Pettigrew:
"Bastard!" I tried to hold back James, and he launched himself onto Sirius. James was yelling and punching and kicking his best friend as if they were mortal enemies.
Sirius didn't fight back, he took the punches, but it made James angrier.
"How could you? How could you do this?" James yelled at the wall that was Sirius Black. "Answer me, you-you traitor!"
I shrank down to the floor, sniffling away my shock. We were near the hospital wing, waiting for Remus to wake up. Lily was beside me, holding me, letting them fight it out. She didn't flinch, when James made a bloody mess out of Sirius. We all knew, Sirius deserve worst than that. And we all knew we will forgive Sirius for his stupidity, but we will never forget how he had send a Slytherin to be murdered in hands of his lover, our friend, the werewolf.
We were angry and terrified. Sirius, James and Snape were all with Dumbledore for long, long time. And one by one, they came out. First, it was Snape, who looked white as a sheet, and he passed by Lily and I without a glance. Then Sirius came out, he looked defeated, small. He walked toward us as if he wanted to apologize, but Lily turned her head away, and I just stared at him. He went away in silence.
Then James came out. He looked he was in shock, he didn't talk either, but let Lily hold his hand. Three of us walked to the hospital wing, and the waiting game began. The sun came up awfully slow, filling the hallway orange. Then we saw Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore coming toward us with a stretcher. They went inside so quickly and quietly, it was as nothing had changed. But we saw the bloodied sheet that covered Remus from our view. We saw his light hair matted with blood peeking out.
Lily sniffled softly into her hands, and that's when Sirius decided to show up.
It took a few moments for Madam Pomfrey to come out and put a stop to their loud fighting. She took both of them into the room to treat them, but cast the silencing charm on both of them. Lily and I caught a glimpse of Dumbledore's shadow on the white curtain that hide the Remus's bed. We wanted to go in, but we knew it wasn't allowed.
We waited.
Sirius came out and disappeared. James came out and shared, what he saw, in his silence.
It was all a game. We thought we were invincible. Always playing games. Always mocking danger to get us, when we roamed around the ground, around the Hogsmead, deep inside the forbidden forest with a deathly werewolf.
Waiting was a game. Pranks were games.
This time Sirius went too far.
We all lost. And it was Remus, who paid the price.
Remus Lupin:
There was a sound.
I heard it.
Who was it? What happened?
I don't know.
Well, you better find out.
I saw something.
What?
I saw a lady.
Forget about her, tell me about the sound.
She was beautiful. She called for Jeremiah.
Tell me about the sound.
She said he needed to come to her.
Shut up about her. Tell me about the sound.
What sound?
That sound.
The wolf whirled around, and directly faced the trembling form. A human! The wolf growled and jump out of the warmth of his make shift lair.
I want him.
But there was pain. The wolf yelped, and suddenly as it came, the door closed. The wolf licked the wound on his belly. But tasting the blood made him angry. And he began to bite and tear his own body.
Stop that.
Who are you?
The wolf howled. And he waited, and there was a distinct howl back.
I am who I am.
The wolf cocked his head sideway, pondering.
What does that mean?
Come with me, I will show you.
The wolf, that was Remus, howled back.
All right, but I can't get out. I don't know how. With that the wolf that was Remus began to pace around the room, his blood dripping from the wound.
How can I get out? I want to be free.
Wait, and I will show you.
What will you show me then?
I will show you what you are.
I opened my eyes slowly, and blinked, wondering where I was. Something happened last night, and I wasn't sure exactly what.
"Shit," I moaned, when the pain hit me in a wave, slamming me again and again. "Shit, shit, shit."
I gritted my teeth, and raised my head to see what kind of damage I had done to myself. Last night, the Marauding was cancled due to detentions and projects. I was alone, the wolf was alone too.
But no, he wasn't.
I tasted blood in my mouth, and I spitted it out, staining the white sheet that covered me. Then suddenly, I tore my body from the bed, ripping the curtains in the process, startling Madame Pomfrey.
"Remus!"
I looked around me wildly, for any other patient. There was no one there.
"Remus, you mustn't-"
"Madame!" I panted from the pain in my heart, "Stay away." I put my hand in front of me, blocking Madame Pomfrey from coming toward me any further. I spitted out another round of blood. It was so dark red, it looked almost black.
I will show you what you are.
My legs wouldn't support me any more, and I collapsed. "Don't," I almost growled at Madame Pomfrey, my voice trembled with abnormal bass resonance. She stopped her advance. She looked scared, and she should be. I was scared myself.
I heaved my body away from her. My black blood smearing the floor, making patterns that might have been something. I clutched the torn curtain like a baby in my arm. Watching my blood stains running down, seeping into my hands. There was blood on my hands. They looked so pretty, pretty in red.
"My god," I said, looking up from my hands to frozen form of Madame Pomfrey, "What have I done?" She didn't answer me, and I yelled at her, "WHAT HAVE I DONE!"
A bottle next to me shattered, startling Pomfrey and I. I looked away from the mess I just made.
"Remus," she said, "don't move. I will get help." She left.
I held the soiled curtain tightly in my arms, trying to stop me from trembling.
"What have I done?" I asked softly to no one. But there was no reply this time, only another round of blood seeping from my mouth. They dripped and stained me. And I didn't move.
tbc