Year 1977
Remus Lupin:
I burrowed further into fleeting warmth of my bed. My body was shaking with cold, yet my face was burning up. My cold, long fingers flinched away at the contact of the hot flesh of my face.
Reason? I supposed the lack of blood would be it.
"What is it?" Sirius murmured sleepily with his hand hung loose next to his bed, his dark haired tussled over his handsome face, hiding his eyes.
"Nothing," I whispered shakily, "Nothing at all. Go back to sleep."
Sirius mumbled unintelligibly then soon he fell silent. My heart was pounding in my ears. Racing against time. I took a deep breath, as I fell back to my sweat soaked pillow.
Nightmares. They haunted me always, the fleeting moments in my dreams. Sometimes I had them when I was awake. Flashes here and there. It was especially strong when I was confined in a small space, such as my dorm room. And I always had this urge to run out…into the open. And that was how, Severus found out I was narcoleptic werewolf during our 7th year (Check out my companion piece Truth: Dreamer of Dreams).
Sirius had been furious with me for doing something so stupid as getting rescued by Snape. But how can he understand my urges to run out in the open? How can he understand my dark dreams? And now my dark obsession to bleed and I had acquired a taste for the blood? My blood.
Tonight, I woke up with my thumb in my mouth. Something I hadn't done in ages. And that wasn't all, I had bitten the skin, puncturing its skin, and I had sucked on my blood during the night. The moments like that made me wished San were with me. Maybe I could burrow into her fur and forget this craziness.
Severus Snape:
The dark mark itched painfully whenever I was near the wolf. And I found myself scratching at it obsessively. And it was that same hand movement that attracted the dark lord's attention at last.
"Severus, the son of Luther Snape, come before me," his dark voice commanded me.
"My lord," I bowed before him, a bit fearful of what he would want with a 17 year old, barely a proper wizard, and not even an accomplished death eater.
"I've heard of your uncanny ability to concoct the most complicated potions. Is it true?"
I felt a pride rising in me, and I considered my answer carefully, for it was known that the Dark Lord was brilliant in the potions. "I do what I can, my lord." My eyes slowly rose to meet his intense eyes.
His voice slithered with great heaviness, "Then I have a job for you, Snape."
So I had listened to every word he said with great interest, for I was only a mere boy compare to his other death eaters. He, out of all the others, wanted me to create wolfsbane potion for his future servants. He told me in a great length of care how they could be vital to his aid.
I nodded and left with a spring in my steps.
Wolfsbane potion. It was something never achieved before. Many potion masters had tried, but failed. But I had an advantage over them, for I had a fervent mind and uncanny sense of smell, and also most importantly, I had a live werewolf in the Hogwarts.
Finally, someone important and powerful had acknowledge my existence and my ability, and I believe that little werewolf needs to pay up the debt past due.
Remus Lupin:
I was wondering aimlessly, wide-awake from my latest nightmare. I thought about History of Magic, Astrology, and even Potions, although I tried hard not to think about the subject. It always had a touch to come back into my mind. When I think of Potions, I thought of Snape. And the thought of Snape made my heart beat so hard, it hurt. I was forever in debt of Severus Snape, for everything.
It was then, I collided into Severus Snape, right at that moment in the dead of the night. His great black eyes glinted dangerously like the predator on his hunt as he pushed his bony white fingers into my collarbone, as if he wanted to choke me to my death if not for his self control.
"Pardon m-"
I winced as he pushed me against the wall. "My, my, Lupin." His voice was low and strong. "What a pleasant surprise? What are you doing in the dead of the night?" He looked around and added, "without anyone?"
I mentally cursed my stupidity, for my carelessness.
But it was only Snape, what could he possibly do to me? He's only a boy, like me.
He could kill you in a heartbeat, a nasty little wolf yelped, fueling my racing heart. It began to hurt my chest.
Regaining my boldness, I tried to push his hands off, "What are you doing out here," Snape's hands remained strong and tight against me, "Snape," I hissed, looking directly into his eyes, unflinching at his stare.
Snape seemed amused and he stepped back, releasing his hold on me. "Actually I was hoping to run into you," he smiled and I swallow nervously. "I think it's time you pay me what you owe…" he leaned in, his face only fraction of inch from my face. My breath stopped.
He wouldn't….
His hands plunged into my hair, holding my head in place, as he planted a kiss on my lips. His warm tongue dancing inside my mouth. I felt light headed and could feel my knees giving out in shock, but Snape held me in place. His eyes were closed, but my eyes were wide open. I didn't see Snape, but something beyond him, us, the moment.
I saw a pure white snow covered roof, where the warm smoke appeared serenely, almost unreal, too perfect. I saw the shadows of a woman and a man against the window curtain, and I heard laughter, pleasant and happy laughter. The familiar yet forever forgotten sound of my past.
It was that sound I heard last, when I felt Severus Snape's tongue in my mouth, exploring hands stroking my hair. And I felt nothing.
I didn't feel Snape's first strike at all. I must have looked dazed, sort of out even after that, because Snape's hand was about to strike my face for the second time, when I put my hand up to stop it.
"Good. I thought you had one of them." He smirked and licked his lips tauntingly, reminding me how weak I was, physically and mentally.
"I would appreciate it, if you won't slap me in the future," my voice wavering, betraying my fear.
"I will appreciate it, if you won't kill me in the future," he taunted with a smirk that dared me to prove him wrong. "And I will do what I want with you."
"You wish," I pushed past him, trying to walk faster, away from him. Regretting my previous thought that I was grateful to Snape for more than one occasion. Snape was a mystery. He could be so surprisingly good to me at a time, but his ever changing mood scared me a little. I heard him right behind me. I chastised myself for putting me into a situation like this again.
"And you will do exactly what I want," His steady steps to my stumbling steps. I didn't slow, ignoring him.
"When I want it."
I didn't look back, although I sensed him right behind me.
"And you will obey me, Lupin."
"I am not your slave, Snape," I muttered, best to my judgment. I heard Snape's controlled laughter.
"I never said you were."
"Then why would I-" I stopped and turned to face him, feeling his powerful eyes.
"You will help me, Lupin," He ran his finger against my cheek, touching it lightly. "For my silence."
Oh Merlin.
I squeezed my voice out. "What about you wanting me far from you as possible-"
"That was during the day, Lupin." He smiled as I shuttered against his touch, but didn't move. "I can see that you understand me perfectly."
He leaned in again, and this time, I closed my eyes, feeling my tears falling down silently.
Severus Snape:
Even in his cold, frozen skin, he looked beautiful. So fair a sight, I never wanted anything in my life as bad as I wanted him right then. And I could have taken him. My body was twitching for the released.
But my mark started to itch, reminding me of my important task to the Dark Lord. And I must obey.
My lips lingered on him regretfully as I took his arm, pulling him toward the dungeon. He stiffened, but followed me in silence. I knew what he thought that was going to happen, but I didn't tell him of my plan. Why spoil his anxiety by telling him that I was simply going to collect a potion ingredient from him.
He looked stunned, when I told him, what I was about to do to.
"Wolfsbane Potion?"
"Yes, yes, now don't move." I positioned the needle carefully.
"But, Severus," I stiffened when he uttered my name. He hasn't called me by my name since…but he didn't seemed to notice as he went on, staring into somewhere. "Wolfsbane potion is a myth. It's never been achieved before."
I pushed in the needle, careful to not drop a single blood. His arm was pitiful. It was so thin and pale, I could see all the blue veins under his skin as if he was translucent, and worst, I could see all of his bruises. New and old alike they were the ugly damage to other wise perfect feature.
The blood was not coming out as well as I had hoped.
"I like the challenge, now hold still," I touched his cold skin and began to milk his arm of his blood. Slowly moving up and down his arm, matching the blood pumping into the small pouch. It was hypnotic. Touching him like that. Draining his life force.
Up and down. Up and down. I could feel my body twitching again with excitement.
"But, Severus," he said my name again, "How can I help you?" He seemed to be in a trance, I guessed, in shock from my intention. "I am terrible in potions."
I willed my erection to go down as I reminded myself to be focused. "Not brewing potions, you git. Pay attention," I crouched down to his eye level, next to the table he was laying on with his arm extended down for the blood flow. "You will provide me the ingredients I need." His eyes flicked toward me, "Well I can't very well go to the market and demand to have werewolf blood, can I?"
"Right," he said weakly as his eyes glazing over.
Shit, I cursed mentally, as I stopped milking his arm. The pouch was full with his blood. Too much! I drew too much in my excitement.
I quickly pull out the needle, and murmured a healing spell I knew, sealing the wound. I put his arm back to his side, and found Remus breathing shallow.
"Lupin," I shook his leg, "Lupin, wake up. Wake up."
Desperate, I leaned in and captured his lips, trying to aid him to breathe in my attempt at CPR.
His eyes flew open, blazing yellow orbs shining up, looking at me. He bit my lips, and I gasped, involuntarily moved back, causing my lips to bleed. He blinked a couple of times, and to my amazement, his yellow eyes turned back to his usual golden eyes.
"San?" he asked in his confusion.
"No, it's-" I stopped when I realized his eyes were closed again. "Bloody hell, Lupin. Wake up!" I slapped his face red until his hand came up and captured my hand. His grip is surprisingly strong.
"I told you to stop slapping me, Snape." He slowly opened his eyes to see me, his lips smiling a little, "You are bleeding." I was so relieved I laughed out loud at his remark. It felt like we were back in our first year, making jokes and enjoying each other's company, when everything was so much simple. Just two lonely boys finding a friend in each other…
"You stupid wolf, you should have warned me you were going to bite me."
"And you were supposed to warn me you were going to take my blood."
Fine, wolf, you win. This time. My blood for yours.
I grumbled loudly. "What did you think I was going to do?" I asked smugly, licking away my blood on my lips. He shook his head and attempted to sit up.
"Never mind." He said as he gave up trying to raise himself up and lay down with a shiver.
"No, I want to know." I pressed him, looking at his face for any sign of blushing. He groaned and held his head on his hands, massaging his aching head.
So it went on. Whenever I needed his 'help', I would hand him a little silver coin under the potion table. My way of telling him I needed him that night. He, in turn, gripped my hand a bit tighter as our hands touched under the table, acknowledging my demand.
Dark Lord summoned me regularly to hear about the progress. And each time, I would tell him about my new discoveries. Of course, I would never tell him of Lupin. I had sworn never to tell on him, and I am man of my words.
Besides, what good would it do to either of us to tell the who-he-must-not-be-named about it?
Now looking back, my young self must have realized how important he was…
The other thing I kept to myself was what I had been doing with Lupin's blood. Yes, I used them for potion testing, but I was also using them for a side research. I remember everything that I had witnessed on the morning of the attack. I remember his silver glow and the shattering of the glasses. The answer lies in his blood, although I am not sure what the question was.
San:
I howled against the full moon, our source of power, our Goddess. My lonely howl joined by fifty of our kinds into the night. Fifty of us were all that was left of the proud clan of Lunari Dar, the wolves of the Moon. We've been hiding from the men's eyes for the five Ages. Now, only our clan remains that of the magic wolves.
We cried for our brothers and sisters, who were lost to us forever. We cried for those who were still lost, and searching for our guidance. I cried for our ancestors who had fallen. I cried for my pup, who was lost forever into the dark. I cried out for vengeance for his death, for his killer's blood. And lastly I cried for my dear human pup, who was alone and had a hole in him that would never close.
"Remus! Remus!" I called out his name, hoping to hear him once more, but I knew it wouldn't be until years have passed. For my mother had foreseen the future. For immortals like us, the time is all we have left. And I am patient she wolf, just like our mother.
Mool lamented his sorrows not far from me, crying like the rest of them, running free amongst them. I know I should join them in the run, but tonight, I will remain alone with my memory.
Remus Lupin:
Snape pushed a little silver coin into my hand, under our desk, out of everyone's eyes. "Tonight," he talked with his shiny coin, and then he would let go. I supposed he believed the little silver would cause me pain, but he was wrong. It was only a myth that silver would burn my skin on contact.
All it would do was drain me of energy, in the worst situation, it would make me light headed. But yes, I supposed I could die upon a long exposure to a silver object. I supposed the silver bullet could easily kill me as a real bullet could, but only faster.
Anyway, I collected all the little silver coins Snape gave me, and I stored them in a jar. Someday, I would return them to him, I promised myself. Maybe I will buy him a present for the graduation.
I break out into a hollow laughter at the thought, and quickly suppressed it, when I realized it rang out against the walls and bounced back. I looked around to find myself standing alone in the darkened room I had been many times.
"You are late," Snape's accusing voice rang out into my ears. Our years in Hogwarts were almost over, and he still hasn't told me anything of the wolfsbane potion. Not that I had hoped for anything. I couldn't dare to hope for more than I deserved.
And I was truly a lost cause.
Albus Dumbledore:
I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it to him. I tried writing letters, but I ripped them all. I tried talking to him, but my mouth just won't form a word, and in the end, I sent him away with pat on the back as if he was still a child.
I knew who Lord Voldemort was, and what he wanted, what I wanted over all. I wanted to turn back the time if I had the power, and prevent everything that had happened to us.
"Oh, I am so sorry."
But I know that my word would be never enough, unless he tasted my blood, unless he destroyed everything. For the revenge will never satisfy its revenger. Blood for blood, I suppose.
When I stare into her eyes, when I dared to look upon her smiling eyes, young, still loving and trusting toward me, all I see is the haze of her blood on my hands. Ishmael's blood on my hand. Thomas's blood on my hand. And I see all their bloods dripping silently yet louder than anything in my head.
So I had to put her away from the view. I couldn't face her black and white smiling eyes staring back at me. I put her back into my drawer, and sealed her away.
It was all my fault.
Forgive me dear Merlin for I have sinned.
tbc